There’s a point many women reach where love doesn’t feel inspiring anymore - it feels tiring.

Not because you don’t believe in love, but because you’ve been hurt, disappointed, or let down enough times that you start protecting yourself by pulling back.

The moment when you decide to put your love life on hold or completely give up on relationships all together.

Not as an empowered choice - but as a form of self-protection.

Taking a break can be healthy. But there is a risk when resting turns into resignation… when closing your heart feels safer than staying open.

In this episode, we explore:

1. The risk of deciding your done with relationships
2. How “I’m fine on my own” can sometimes mask emotional withdrawal
3. Why patterns in love don’t disappear just because you stop dating
4. What it actually means to stay open without overgiving or self-abandoning
5. Why your heart doesn't ever need to be protected

If you’ve been telling yourself you’re okay without love - but something inside you feels flat, disconnected, or numb this episode is for you.

You don’t need to give up on love to take care of yourself. And you don’t need to put your love life on hold to be safe.

There’s another way - and it'll lead you to a lot more intimacy, joy and aliveness in your life.

About the Host:

Kate Harlow is the founder of The Unscriptd Woman, the creator of The Expanded Love Coaching Method, and host of The New Truth podcast - ranked in the top 1.5% globally. With over 15 years of experience teaching, coaching and facilitating transformational retreats worldwide, Kate has helped hundreds of thousands of women break free from outdated relational patterns, old patriarchal ways of thinking and unspoken rules to live by. 

Her infallible methods guide women to release the deeply ingrained scripts that keep them stuck- empowering women to step into their highest, most magnetic, and fully expressed selves. Through her coaching, retreats, podcast and upcoming book The Unscriptd Woman, Kate is redefining what it means to be an empowered woman in today's world, showing women how to stop waiting for permission and start creating a life and love that aligns with their deepest truth. 

Known for her rare ability to see exactly where women are out of alignment with themselves, Kate offers a path back to unwavering self- trust, meaningful joy and true fulfillment. Her work is a revolution - one that liberates women from societal expectations and invites them into a life of radical authenticity, thriving relationships and unshakable self-worth.  

Website:  https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/

The Immersion in Corfu, Greece April 26- May 3, 2026 https://www.theunscriptdwoman.com/the-immersion

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So if I'm walking around saying I don't want a

relationship ever again, I'm done with relationships. We are

complete. I'm guarded. There are walls around my heart, and I'm

also projecting into the future what I how

your experiences, through your ruptures, through your pain,

through your pleasure, through your joy, through every

connection you meet. Life is happening through you, not to

you, not for you, but through you is it's a co creation of

whatever your soul is meant to experience. And I've talked

about this a million times, but like

much greater intelligence than your mind will ever have as to

what is meant for you and what you're meant to experience. And

every new relationship that we attract is an opportunity to

grow more into who we are, as long as we're self aware and

bringing the new paradigm into relationship.

Hello, beautiful. I hope you are enjoying the start to the new

year 2026 although I was talking to my friend about New Year's

the other day, and it's so funny, it's like such a weird

time to have to be in the energy of starting anew. The astrology

New Year is a lot is, is when the spring equinox is, and that

makes so much more sense to me, because the energy we focus on

for New Year's is all about like creating new things and new

energy and growing and changing and evolving, which is, it's

nice to have these little touch points in throughout the year to

to actually be really intentional with how we're

showing up, to check in, to see if we're, you know, showing up

in in ways that are in alignment with how we want to be showing

up. Are we growing? Are we are we evolving? Are we staying

stuck? So I think, I do think it's nice to have these little

touch points, but I feel like the big, big New Year really

should be the spring equinox, because every that's like when

there's life force energy. I suppose this is the spring Well,

it's maybe a better time of year in the southern hemisphere,

which technically I'm in the southern hemisphere right now.

But the spring energy, the beautiful, powerful energy of

spring, is such an amazing time to actually create new things

and new beginnings and and winter, for those of you that

are in winter is such a yin time. It's such a it's such an

internal time. So whatever is going on right now, wherever you

are in the world, if you are in winter and it's dark and it's

cold, let yourself percolate. Let yourself be in pleasure and

self love and self care, like maybe this is the time to go

inward and actually take care of yourself. That is setting you up

for when we go to the Chinese New Year, which is in mid Feb,

and then to the astrology New Year, which is mid March, and

start to build the energy for you to get back into that more

Yang creation, action oriented energy. Just wanted to touch on

that first, but it's so wild. How fast time is going right

now? Are you feeling it? I'm feeling it a lot. I know they

say astrologically, things are moving faster. So we are in a

time where, even though I know they also say, as you get older,

time goes by faster, but astrologically, the world is

moving faster, the time is moving faster. But also time's

an illusion. So I would say, you know, if you're feeling my

practice with time, and feeling like time is going fast, is to

slow down, because if time's an illusion, and I am, you know,

rushing, and I have this never ending to do list, and every day

is just a series of checking boxes and trying to get through

to the end of the day, only to do it again tomorrow, probably

time is going to be going by a lot faster. And also, we're not

treasuring the time. We're not treasuring this moment and this

experience. And I feel like that is the most important gift of

all, is to be able to be present in our lives, and to be present

and paying attention to what are we doing with our time? And am I

doing things that matter to me? Am I making an impact? You know,

we just did three episodes in a row around purpose is the work

I'm doing in the world meaningful to me? Do I care

about what I'm doing? Do I have passions? Am I pouring my heart

into things that I love? Because if you're spending your time

doing things you love, even if time is going faster and we get

to the end of our lives sooner, at least, you spent your time

doing what you love. So it's a little bonus, just thinking

about that. This morning, I'm about to go on a little

spontaneous trip. I got a phone call at 9pm last night from my

dear Soul Sister Rose asking me to go on a. Little trip with her

and her partner, because he's going to the coast for work, and

apparently the coast of Kenya is incredibly beautiful, white

sand, turquoise waters. I'll post it on my Instagram, so make

sure you check it out, although I guess when this episode comes

out, I'll already be back in Nairobi, but I'm just going on a

little spontaneous trip. I am back in Nairobi when I'm

recording this episode, but just going on a very last minute

getting on airplane and going to the coast. I've never been to

the coast of Kenya, and I'm definitely excited to take as

many opportunities as I can, to to to explore this beautiful

country, but also, again, to, like, make my time matter, do

something that actually feels important. So I'm super excited

for that, and I thought I would just record this episode before

I go catch my flight, because this is a conversation that I've

heard, that I hear over and over again. Haven't, haven't talked

about love in a in a little while, we've been focusing on

the holidays, and we've been focusing on purpose, but

circling back to the favorite topic of the new the new truth,

which is love, dating relationships, and this is such

a common thing, the risk of putting your love life on hold,

or when you've given up on love and you just want to throw the

baby out with the bath water. What sparked this original

episode? Or what sparked this episode? I was actually going to

record it in the fall, and there's just there's just been

so many other topics and interviews and everything. So

it's coming out now is I had a Kenyan friend of mine over at my

cottage, and she brought her sister with her, and they're

amazing, powerful, beautiful women. And her sister was

telling me about her love life and just saying, Yeah, I'm just

dating for fun, you know, just playing around. But I left my my

husband, I think he was unfaithful, and she just said, I

am absolutely not open to ever having a relationship again.

Now, this woman was like 35 or maybe 30, maybe not even. And,

you know, it's such an interesting thing that people

say all the time. I also have a male friend who's going through

divorce, and he said almost the same thing. He's like, I'm I'm

just gonna be free forever. I'm gonna be single. I don't have

any interest in being in a relationship again. So there's

multiple things happening here that I want to unpack. First

off, we are projecting what we believe relationship to be after

we've been hurt, what happens is we project that past hurt, or if

we've been maybe we haven't been hurt like, I think of my male

friend, it's not that he was hurt, but but that he was more

just stifled, right, in an old paradigm relationship, that that

was set up in a way that, you know, married with kids and and,

You know, things had to be a certain way. And he did, made a

lot of choices from obligation. So now he affiliates

relationships with obligation and doing things you don't want

to do, and being responsible for other people and having no

capacity for yourself and putting everyone else before

you, because that's what he would do in his marriage, and

then flip to the the woman she was hurt and she was quote,

unquote betrayed, and she had dishonesty in her relationship,

and all of these things. So both of these people are projecting

their past pain and their past struggles with relationships,

and remember, most people are in the old paradigm of

relationship, which is actually codependency, right? Most

relationships are codependent, most but I mean, people don't

even know that this is true. Most people, even therapists,

don't even know, for the most part, that that the old

relationship model we have been

taught that we have learned in school is codependent. It's like

you're responsible for how I feel. You're responsible for

meeting my needs. In the beginning, you make me feel

amazing. Later on, you make me feel horrible. You You have to

make me feel attractive. You have to make me feel beautiful.

You have to make me feel important. That's a Wounded

Little kid. You have to make me feel prioritized, right? If you

are in relationship, looking to get your needs met, that is a

wounded little girl who actually needs your heroine. In my work,

your heroine, she needs the sovereign woman to meet her

needs, not a man, not a partner. And so if you have been in the

old paradigm and you're now sitting in the story of, I never

want love again, you've put love on hold. You're never going to

date again. You're shut down from it altogether, whatever the

story is, you are projecting your past experiences onto the

present moment. But what if something else was available to

you? What if there's a new type of relationship that you've

never experienced before that is available to you? I can assure

you of this. The deeper you go into your loving relationship

with yourself, the deeper you go on this journey. If you're on a

journey with me or with any other teachers, mentors. Guides

or coaches that are helping you come home to yourself, that are

helping you love yourself, that are helping you create a life

you love. The deeper you go into that, the more you will be able

to create a new paradigm type of relationship, which not many

people on planet Earth have. So the new paradigm of relationship

looks like this. It looks like we only get into relationship

because this relationship expands us. Expanded love

method, that's my entire coaching method, the saboteur

and heroin and unlocking the truth of who you are is based on

expansion. Does this relationship make my life

bigger? Does it make it better? Does it make it richer, more

meaningful, more intimate, more beautiful? Most people's

relationships actually make their lives smaller. You might

think it makes it better because it's like, oh, it's more

efficient. We're sharing rent, we're sharing a home, we're

sharing a bed, we're sharing and it might seem like, oh, it's

really efficient. It's making my life better. But are you still

taking responsibility for yourself in that relationship?

Are you growing? Are you evolving? Are you seeing your

partner with new eyes every day and allowing them to grow and

evolve as they grow and evolve like what kind of relationship

are you creating? Do you have open, honest communication? Do

you own your pain? You know, there's so many episodes about

how to navigate triggers that there's an amazing one from the

holidays. I've been hearing lots of great reviews about that

episode. So if you haven't heard it, go back to it. But are you

owning your triggers, or are you projecting your pain all over

your partner and making them responsible for you? Are you

owning your pleasure, or are you projecting the pain of the lack

of pleasure you feel onto your partner, making them responsible

for you? Right? Of course, you're not going to want another

relationship if you're thinking every single relationship is

going to be the same as the last. If you're not taking

responsibility for your patterns, then yeah, you will

attract a similar relationship in the future, and that will not

feel good, right? But here's the thing, you're not a victim

anymore. So we spend our lives in such victim mentality of

like, as if we have no control over anything, like, Oh, I'm

never going to be in a relationship again, because

Relationships are hard, and then we blame the relationship. Like,

why don't you just show up inside of the relationship? And

for now, if you're single, show up inside of your friendships in

a new way. Show up inside of your relationship with your

children or your ex or your whoever you're navigating your

colleagues, learn how to transform how you do

relationship, so that you're in the driver's seat so you don't

have to blame relationships forever and ever, and close down

a massive part of who you are, and a Beautiful opportunity to

grow and an amazing opportunity to to, you know, I think, like

love is, is why we're here. That's why we're here, not just

romantic love, but romantic love is incredible when we know how

to do it, right? The problem is, most people are out there in

relationship, trained by the old paradigm, trained by the

codependent model, right? That was taught by the fairy tale

that someone's going to sweep us off our feet. They're going to

rescue us from our tower. They're going to awaken us from

our coma Sleeping Beauty. They're going to they're going

to save us from our lives and from our misery and from our

anxiety and our sadness and our depression, and one day, they're

going to make us feel amazing, and then when we get married and

mimic the fairy tale fantasy and create this extraordinary,

perfect wedding, and then we create a build a family with

them and create a life. And it doesn't work out. We're gonna

blame relationships. We're gonna blame relationships forever.

We're gonna blame we're gonna project that that is the only

option, and we are going to shut down a part, a huge part, of who

we are. Now I'm not saying you have to be in relationship. This

isn't about relationship thing, the be all and end all. Of

course, I have lots of episodes that are the opposite of this,

that this is not what it's about. It's about are you taking

responsibility for how you're doing anything right, how you're

engaging with everything. Are you just blaming relationships

and marriages and men or women or whoever you're dating and

just shutting that out of your life and then missing out on so

much beauty that you could be experiencing if you were open to

it? Because here's the thing, you're not in charge of your

life. You you are if you're in your saboteur, and then your

life is actually not the life that's meant for you, right? We

have two options in this life. We can choose to create, co

create, a magical existence, a beautiful. Unscripted path that

is made for our soul, that will evolve us and grow us, and that

every single experience we have is part of that evolution and

part of the becoming, and part of the reclaiming and the

uncovering, all of the magic that's inside of your own soul

and that's available on this planet.

That's an option. It's the soul led life, and that's the life

that I live. That's the life that all my clients live. The

soul led life is so good because you don't, you're not, you're

not like, I need a relationship, but you're not like, I'm shut

down from a relationship. There's a soft, beautiful place

in the middle where you're just enjoying your life. And when

love comes around, you're open to it, you're not resistant to

it, and you you're in relationship with your patterns

as they arise, because they will, right? But if you don't

know your patterns, and you're not aware of your patterns, then

the then the patterns take over, and then we blame relationships.

So the option is the soul led life, or the scripted life. And

the scripted life is where you feel like you got to control it,

like as if you have to put out a statement to the universe, I'm

not open to relationships. You tell everyone I don't need a

man. I'm done with relationships. I'm putting that

on hold. I'm never doing that again. What are you doing?

You're literally just painting the past over the present moment

and your future, and you haven't even met your future self yet.

And what if your words matter? What if life is listening and

life is like, okay? You want to control your path, okay? You

want to choose the man that doesn't feel good to be in

relationship with and just stay and be miserable for the rest of

your life. Okay? You want to blame relationships and shut

down from your heart and your intimacy and your sensuality

forever and just live a life that's all workaholism and and,

you know, disconnection and man hating, okay, the universe is

like, go ahead. I don't think it's offended. I don't think the

universe is attached to what which choice you make, but just

know that it's a choice, right? If you think you know how this

story is going to go, just know that's your guarding talking. If

you've decided and it's the same on the other side of the the

flip side of the coin is the same thing, right if you're a

single woman, desperately longing for a relationship and

needing one right now, and wanting a husband and needing it

and trying to find it, it's the same thing. You are trying to

control your future based on someone else's story of what

your life is supposed to look like. How do I know that?

Because the life that's meant for you. A I've said this before

that. David J white quote, you cannot see the path. You can you

can have soul desires. You can have feelings in your body, of

like things you want to experience in your body, but

when you are trying to control your path and what your life

looks like now, like shutting love out or being obsessed with

having it you're missing right now. And right now is a part of

your story, right we throw the baby out with the bath water.

Right now is a part of your story, and it's a beautiful

part. And the heart led life, which is living from your

heroine, the soul led life, the heart led life. That is the life

that is made for every single one of us. But unfortunately,

not a lot of people are living from this place when you're

truly rooted in who you are, your home in your body, your

home in your heart, your home in your soul. The Heart led life is

about being with what you're experiencing right now, and

being open to everything you have no idea where life will

lead you and if your controlled mind and all of these

preconceived notions and stories and scripts of of who you're

supposed to date, what relationships are supposed to

look like, what I think Like, what I'm attracted to right now.

I've never been attracted to in my life when in a man like the

qualities and what matters to me now have nothing to do with the

the checklist or this the the story of what I thought I wanted

in relationship before, because I'm just engaging with me right

now, and with my life right now, my heart is so open, and I'm

noticing what I'm attracted to the most is energy. If I feel an

energetic connection with someone, even in friendships,

that's when and the energy just flows. And it's this beautiful

reciprocal energy that's what I'm attracted to. It's not about

where they come from, what they look like, what they what

they're, what they do for a living, how much money they

make. None of that stuff matters anymore, because I'm sovereign.

I make my own money. I have my own my own life, my own world. I

take responsibility fully for myself. I'm not looking for some

perfect. Paper partner to fill something I'm engaging with,

what I'm attracted to in life, and that goes for experiences,

too. I'm about to go on a journey to the coast. Yeah, I

did, and I am so excited. It was not even on my radar. But a week

ago, I wasn't looking for a trip to the coast. I met someone at

Ola pangi who was going, who was going to the coast, and she

lives in Nairobi. She and her mom were on their way, and

actually think they were going to the same place that we're

going. And she said, Oh my gosh, Kate, you're gonna love the

coast. It's so beautiful there. It's really hot right now, but

it's so beautiful. The water is like a warm bath. It's

incredible. And I was like, Oh my gosh, cool. And I felt this

little spark. And I was like, I wonder when I'll go I'm gonna

I'm not going to be in Nairobi long enough to plan a trip to

the coast, because I'm back and forth between here and Ola

pangi, and then I'm going to Greece, and then I'm going to

Canada. So I just thought maybe I'll go, like, next year. I

guess I'm not going to have time this year. That was one week

ago, and here I am going to the coast. So that's the magic of

life, right? So, so my and when, when I got the invitation to go,

even though I had to make the decision last minute, my heart

was such a yes. It was just like the feeling of having this

experience was such a yes and a yes for right now, right? So

this is like with love. Let it when you live from your heart,

there's an openness to all energetic connections, but we

don't need to make a meaning of where it's going and if it's not

going, Oh, I'm not open to a relationship or this person

needs to be my partner. You see how we're constantly projecting

onto the thing, as opposed to just being present with the

experience this my loves will change your whole life when you

can learn to just be present with what you feel and to let

yourself be expanded and have expansive moments, and to let

yourself create a life that expands you so that that becomes

your normal, right? We only get sideswiped by fantasy, fairy

tale love and some like, some hope of like, Oh, here he is.

He's arrived, and now I'm going to be rescued when we're not

when our life isn't expanded, like, if your life is dull and

mundane and boring and scripted and predictable and empty and

disconnected and numb, of course, you're going to get

sideswiped by the idea of some Prince rescuing you on a white

horse, of course, right? But when your life is amazing, and

you feel so good in your body, and your devotion is to taking

care of yourself and feeling good in every possible way,

physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, all the

ways. Like, if that's your life, and you have designed a life of

pleasure, you're not going to need to close to love, and

you're also not going to be so attached to it, right? There's a

beautiful place in the middle where you're just living from

the heart, and you just are following your yeses in the

moment and trusting that life has a greater plan. And every

time you forget that life has a greater plan for you than your

mind ever could. Just say thank you giving this to you like.

Let's say you you meet someone you really like, and your

saboteur wants to shut down and run, I'm not open to love. Or

your saboteur wants to chase them and grab on and, you know,

get win them over.

Those are the moments where you come back to the present moment.

Feel your feet on the ground, take a breath. Do some somatic

re reconnecting to your own body, to your Soma, and then

saying to the universe, thank you so much for taking this I

know you've got it. I know your plan. I feel really amazing in

this moment at this potential job, or this potential love, or

whatever the thing might be, or I feel terrified of it. Whatever

your story is, you give it to the universe and you say, or the

divine, or God, or whoever you want to call, it doesn't matter.

It's just they're just names. You choose the name that feels

the best. You give it to the universe, and you say, Thank you

for taking this because the reality is, every time you're in

fear of your future, you are suffering, and all that means is

you're disconnected from your divinity. Every time you're in

fear of the future or you're questioning the past, you are

disconnected from your divinity because the reality is the

divine part of you knows that it's all perfect, all of it,

every mess, every challenge, every heartbreak, it's all

perfect. This is exactly how your life is supposed to go,

even if your life is in the script, in the script,

controlling life, controlling life. And then one day, Kate

says something on the podcast, or I read a book and I and that

one line hits me so hard, or I go on this retreat, or I. Have a

moment in the bath, or whatever the whatever your turning point

moment might be. One day, there's a moment where you stop

believing the script, and you stop trying to control your

life, and you stop painting a horror story onto every future

potential relationship you've ever had, and you actually allow

what comes to you to be there so you can grow and evolve and

learn. One moment will change everything for you. And

sometimes it's many moments. Usually it's many, many moments.

It's like the seeds have been planted, and then one day that

garden starts to bloom, and you're like, oh my god, I get

it. Whoa. I get it. I was a victim, being passive to

relationships, blaming relationships and thinking every

future relationship is going to be the same, because I have no

choice. You have all the choice in the world my loves. You can

learn about your saboteur patterns. You can learn about

what part you contributed to that relationship that didn't

feel good, even if on paper, it looks like your partner was way

worse than you, even if they betrayed you, they hurt you. It

was toxic. What was your part? You played a part, right? If you

were in a toxic relationship, were you self sacrificing? Were

you shape shifting? Were you ignoring all of those horrible

gut feelings that were screaming at you? What is your part, and

that is right now, instead of just staying in some limited,

ridiculous story that love is not for you and you're never

going to have it again. Like, how much time do you spend

feeding these stupid stories that just keep robbing you from

your life versus being with like, Okay, I'm on my own right

now. I'm going to get really intimate with myself. Join us in

the reclamation. Join me on the heroin journey of uncovering and

unlocking all of who you are. Like go work with someone and

actually use this time to devote yourself to understanding your

patterns really intimately and deeply, and use this time to

awaken who you really are and unlock all of those repressed

parts of you. So the next time love does come knocking on your

door, you're not afraid of it. You're not looking for it to

save you. You're not obsessed with it. You're not shut down

from it. You're not sacrificing for it, right? That's all

saboteur patterns, like something else is possible, and

I've witnessed heroin after heroin after heroin. Women work

with me have the most horrible relationships prior to the

journey of unlocking all of who they are and untethering from

their saboteur conditioned self, attract relationships and and

and, or even I think of a woman I'm, I've, I'm working with

right now, who is married and has been married for years, has

two children, and they have their relationship is better now

than ever, like it's a whole new relationship. This is what's

available to you. You when you stop blaming relationships, you

stop blaming men, you stop blaming being single, you stop

blaming being married, you stop blaming all of these

circumstances outside of you, and you learn about your

blueprint and how you've been doing relationships in the past,

and how you can alchemize those protective mechanisms and start

to live from the truth of who you are, you get to experience

the new paradigm of relationship, which, prior to

this moment, didn't exist for you, right? It's such a limited

perspective to sit back and just blame relationships and blame

other people like you are absolutely powerless, but you're

also missing a huge part of who you are. You are missing the

magic that you can experience and the love and the beauty from

deepening an intimacy with someone, even if it only lasts

for three weeks, even if it only lasts for three months or three

years. I don't know why I'm stuck on threes today, but no

matter how long this relationship lasts, if you

attract one, it's a gift, because it's an opportunity for

you to grow, and there's something there for you.

So let's rewrite the story like it's time to become the heroine

of your own life. The world is changing. Systems are crumbling.

They were in the age of Aquarian, which is all about

big, dreaming, big, thinking, living, big. You know, this is

time is flying by. Your life is so precious. Every moment is

precious. Why don't you stop projecting the past onto the

future? Stop thinking you know how this story is going to go

stop wasting your time in all of these stories that aren't true,

that are limited, that are hurting you, that are keeping

you suffering, and come back to your Divine Self. Come back to

your heroine, where you get to create a new story. You get to

not be a victim of the past. You get to create. Create a new

story and and not walk through life with guards. Because my

love, even though you think your guards are in reaction to your

ex and that, you know, like I'm gonna block love forever because

I was hurt by a man, and I'm gonna block every man on planet

Earth, you think that's, you know, harming someone, if you

only person it's harming is you. You know you've heard that

statement. Holding on to resentment is like drinking

poison and expecting the other person to die. Like you're not

actually hurting the other people. You're hurting yourself

because you're walking through the world with guards up. You

can walk through the world with your heart open. Your heart

doesn't ever need protection. I will tell you this your mind

might tell you otherwise, you never need to protect yourself.

You need to know how to speak your truth, how to say no when

it's a no and yes when it's a yes, lovingly, you need to know

how to stand firmly and rooted in you and how to listen to your

own inner compass, rather than everyone else's opinion of what

your life is supposed to be, or who you should be, or what you

should do. But you don't need guards. The protection is only

hurting you. It's not helping you. It's not serving you in any

way. So when you want to give up on love, just know that that

means you're giving up on a huge part of who you are. Instead,

make your life like. Create a life of love. Create a life of

love like, let's like, reclaim that word. That word is not just

about some person that you share a bed with. Love is who you are.

Love is the life that's available to you. You can create

a life that you love, where you actually love every person in

your life deeply you don't. You're not in stories of blame

or resentment or whatever, but you're only surrounded by people

who you feel expanded by. You're only you know, spending time and

if you're not expanded by someone that you again take

responsibility and look in the mirror and own your own part and

take the medicine and the lesson from this person who's

activating you so that you're not just stuck in some victim

story that that you blame your sister in law, you blame your

your your mom, or you blame your ex husband, like if you're If

you're blaming anyone for your pain, and you're keeping this

story alive inside of you that they're at fault for your pain.

You are wasting your life. Your life is so precious. Let this be

the year that you become the heroine, that you become the

leading lady of a story that you love, of a film that you want to

put out to the world that you be proud of, of all of the

adventures you've been on and all of the risks you took, and

all of the courage and all of the heart felt meaningful

moments you had with a lover, with a with a one person, one

night on a date that you know, even if it didn't go anywhere,

you had one magical night, right, with friends, with with,

with purpose, your life purpose and doing work that's

meaningful, like create a life that you love, then you're don't

have to protect yourself from anything, because you're happy.

You're satiated. And of course, let me reiterate, you're not

happy in every moment, but in the moments that the saboteur

kicks up. The stories get loud. Know that every time your

saboteur is like, I don't need love, I don't need men, I'm shut

down. I'm never going to be in relationship again. Know that.

Oh, thank you so much, Regina. I see you writing the future

again. I hear you. I understand Regina is my saboteur. I name

your saboteur if you haven't already, I understand why you

want to protect me from the future, from future pain because

of past pain. It makes sense. Thank you so much. And then you

love up that little wounded girl who's underneath, who

internalized the hurt, who made it mean something about her,

who's feeling not good enough, not who's feeling deeply hurt by

the past. That little girl just needs your heroine to love her.

She needs the sovereign woman to say, you're okay, my love, you

are going to be just fine. I've got you. You're safe. I'm not

putting your your safety in the hands of anyone in the future,

but we're going to experience so much love and so much adventure

and so many meaningful connections and so much

intimacy, and we're going to do it differently this time, right?

Your heroine says that to the little girl inside, instead of

the alternative when you're in the story, projecting that

you're not open to love, projecting that every man on

planet earth is going to hurt you, projecting all of these

stories onto your future self and your future that hasn't

happened yet, that little girl needs you, and your saboteur

just needs to be heard. And like I just did, I just gave a demo

of holding space for her being empathic, understanding or not

empathic, empathetic, like understanding her I understand.

Why you want to protect me right now? I haven't heard in the past

that makes sense. Thank you so much for protecting me. I

actually don't need your services today, right? And then

giving that little girl that's underneath every time your

saboteur patterns are there and you're in the story of

limitation and lack and fear, there's a Wounded Little Girl

underneath. So just spend some time with these parts of

yourself love them up, and that is the sovereign woman. That is

your heroine, taking charge and now from that place and those

parts feeling tended to and cared for by the person that

they need to be cared for, which is you. Now you can come back to

the present moment. You can come back to the truth. You can come

back to allowing life to lead right, allowing life to bring

you what you're meant to experience, and you saying yes

to all those things that grow you in the meantime, that grow

your heroine, say yes to those things that feel scary but that

you're excited about. So you can keep growing who you are and

your connection to your heart and soul, and then when you're

living from that place, you get to experience a new paradigm of

love. So much more is available. So hopefully this episode was

helpful. Share this with every single woman you know who's shut

down from love, every woman going through heartbreak that

never wants to go there again. So much more as possible, and

you are missing the magic of your shut down from anything

like trust life, life will show you, and you start to, over

time, rebuild that trust, because you see that when you

follow your own heart and your own compass, how much life is on

your side and how much life in the universe are supporting you

on your journey, and that you're not alone and you're not so.

Love you lots. If you're curious about the heroin journey, reach

out to me. Send me a DM, or you can go to my website and sign up

for a phone chat with me, and we can see if it's aligned, to go

on the journey together. But it's a pretty life changing one,

when you take responsibility for your journey and become the CO

creator of it, so you're no longer a victim of the past and

projecting it onto the future, so much more is possible. Love

you. We'll see you next week.