Today we're covering a topic that resonates with so many of us: people pleasing. Inspired by recent conversations with fellow women entrepreneurs, this episode explores the ingrained habits that lead us to overcommit, undercharge, and undervalue our work. We'll discuss how to break free from these patterns and prioritise our needs and business goals.

Key Takeaways:

• Understanding People Pleasing [00:01:00]: We delve into the societal expectations that condition women to always say "yes," be kind, and agreeable, leading to a cycle of overcommitment and undervaluing our work.

• Impact on Women Entrepreneurs [00:02:00]: The episode highlights how saying "yes" to misaligned projects and requests can hinder our business success and personal well-being. Jo shares personal anecdotes and strategies for asserting boundaries and politely declining requests that don't serve our goals.

• Strategies to Overcome People Pleasing [00:06:00]: Discover practical steps to shed the people pleaser label, including self-reflection, setting clear boundaries, practicing assertiveness, and seeking support from a network of empowering women.

• Empowerment Through Boundary Setting [00:08:00]: Moving away from people pleasing doesn't make you less kind or generous. It's about honoring your needs and your business with the same dedication you've always given to others.

Jo's Personal Insights:

Jo shares insights from her own journey and from conversations with other successful women entrepreneurs, emphasising the importance of recognising our value and the impact of our choices on our business and personal life.

Useful Links

Join my FREE 5 Day Challenge to learn how to start and launch an online course or group programme in 3 streamlined steps.

Download the 12 ways to get clients now

Learn about The Business of Coaching programme

Connect with Jo on LinkedIn

Rate and Review the Podcast

If you found this episode of Women in the Coaching Arena helpful, please do rate and review it on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

If you’re kind enough to leave a review, please do let Jo know so she can say thank you. You can always reach her at: joanna@joannalottcoaching.com

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Hello and welcome to Women in

the Coaching Arena podcast.

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I'm so glad you are here.

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I'm Jo Lott, a business mentor

and ICF accredited coach

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Microphone (Samson Q2U Microphone):

and I help coaches to

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build brilliant businesses.

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I know that when you prepare to enter

the arena, there is fear, self doubt,

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comparison, anxiety, uncertainty.

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You can tend to armor up and

protect yourself from vulnerability.

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In this podcast, I'll be sharing

honest, not hype, practical and

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emotional tools to support you to make

the difference that you are here for.

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Dare greatly.

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You belong in this arena.

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Hello, welcome to episode 49

of women in the coaching arena.

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I am so glad you are here.

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Today's episode has been inspired

by meeting some mastermind sisters.

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It's not my usual phrase, but other

women that I know on this journey.

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And I met them yesterday in London.

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And I noticed certain themes

that I wanted to talk about

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today because they are definitely

challenges that I personally have.

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So the best thing about meeting other

successful entrepreneurs is realizing

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you are not alone in your feelings,

and this is pretty much normal.

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So that is what I'm hoping

to do for you today.

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To help, you know, that if you do face any

of these challenges, you are not alone.

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So we're talking about

understanding people pleasing.

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People pleasing isn't just about

wanting others to be happy though

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often that is a huge part of it.

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But often it's also that deeply

ingrained behavior that stems from

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society expecting women to always say

yes, be kind, be polite, be agreeable.

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I was certainly taught

that when I was a child.

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And then it leads us into this cycle

of overcommitment, undercharging,

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undervaluing our work in our business.

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And often also under prioritizing our

own business goals and our own ambitions.

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Let's talk about the impact on

women entrepreneurs in particular.

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Although I know men listen to

this show and you are so welcome.

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So of the people that I was

with on Friday, it came up

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for every single one of us.

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And the ways that we were talking

about is saying yes to projects

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that don't align with our goals.

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You know, if someone asks to pick your

brains or something, but your time is so

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precious and often you just don't have

time to give those things away for free.

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So if you're anything like me and

you have kids at school age, The

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list of invitations is endless.

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So, you know, can you

come to do book change?

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Can you come and read to the children?

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Can you come and take them swimming?

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Can you come on the school trip?

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And while obviously I'm sure

everyone is pretty much invited.

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Personal invites, usually go to women.

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So, for example, I was invited by

the other mums to be a school rep.

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I was invited to be the school clerk.

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There are certain things that

generally the men aren't invited to do.

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So therefore, when you are asked,

you have that awful sinking feeling

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that you are not a proper mum if you

don't agree to all of these things.

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And therefore it's super hard to

balance your business success, which

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generally I'm running on a tight ship,

you know, school hours, term time only.

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And every single hour

makes a massive difference.

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So despite the fact I would love to go in

and listen to children read every week.

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If you're already running your

business on part-time hours

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every afternoon is so valuable.

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And will have an impact on your business.

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We also talked about those people who want

to pick your brains and we shared ways of

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politely declining, because again, that's

something I used to really struggle with.

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I actually don't anymore because

I give a lot in this podcast.

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On my blog.

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In workshops.

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So that personal additional time

needs to go to my paying clients.

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Fearing to negotiate better rates often

comes up with people pleasing of wanting

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to create something for everyone's needs.

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To undercharge.

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And to assert boundaries with clients.

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It's easy to forget that this does

affect your bottom line massively.

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And also takes a toll on the balance

you feel in your life and of all

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of the women I've spoken to who are

doing this work, we all seeking some

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time, some space, some peace to relax.

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Like that's what we ultimately want.

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And so this year I have a goal of

pinning up if I'm saying yes to

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this, what am I saying no to, and to

realize that it's genuinely taking

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away from impacting more people.

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For my business success.

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For my family.

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Something I've also noticed with

my clients in particular, is taking

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on that extra toll for caring for

elderly family, for example, but not

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just their elderly family, usually

the husbands, elderly family as well.

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So often what can happen is you

get seen as not having a job at all

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when you have your own business.

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And does impact, therefore,

my business, if I allow it to.

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So I think it's back to really

asserting those boundaries.

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Is this your responsibility?

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Is this something you want to do?

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And if so, are you happy

with the consequences of

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saying yes to this decision?

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So let's talk about some strategies

to overcome people pleasing.

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And while saying this it's also

worth bearing in mind to be gentle.

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A lot of this stuff is carried down

through years and years of history.

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It's not something that you can

think, oh, why have I said yes again?

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It's so ingrained and therefore we need

to realize that it's not our fault.

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It's something that we all as a

society need to work on together.

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Here are some strategies

so our favorite as coaches

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self-reflections so really going deep

into why you feel the need to please.

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Is it a fear of rejection?

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Is it something projected on you?

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Is it really true?

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We think that people think terrible

things about us if we say no, But

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it might not actually be true.

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Next up is set clear boundaries,

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define what you are willing to

accept in your business and personal

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relationships and what you are not.

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If we agree ahead of time with

ourselves what is, and isn't acceptable.

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It's so much easier in those

moments to say no to a pick

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your brains call for example.

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Third is to practice assertiveness.

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so start by expressing your

needs in low stakes situations.

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And gradually build up your confidence.

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Sharing strategies really helps, like one

of these women that I was with on Friday.

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Literally shared her email that she

sends back when someone says, would

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you like to meet up for coffee?

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And if she isn't able to meet up

for coffee, cause most of us are

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running our business on a really

tight ship, then it really can help

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to hear how someone else does this.

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And realise that it seems

totally acceptable for them.

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Therefore it is probably socially

acceptable for you to do the same.

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And my fourth is seek support.

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So again, surround yourself with

a network of women who uplift and

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support you and your ambitions.

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Shedding that people

pleaser label is empowering.

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It's about taking control of

your business and your life.

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And these tiny, tiny steps that will

make it better for our children to

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not get so much projected onto them.

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So, let me summarize today's episode.

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First up, we talked about

understanding people pleasing.

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Next we talked about the impact

of that as a woman entrepreneur.

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Next, we talked about some strategies

for overcoming people pleasing.

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so self-reflection clear boundaries,

assertiveness, and seeking support.

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And lastly we talked about how good it's

going to feel when you shed this people

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pleaser label and really, really step

into your business and your ambitions.

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So I would love to finish by reminding

you that your needs, your time,

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and your expertise are valuable.

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Moving away from people

pleasing doesn't mean you become

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less kind or less generous.

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It means you are choosing to honor

your own needs and your business

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needs with the same dedication

that you've always given to others.

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So thank you for joining me today.

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Like I say, at the end of every

episode, trust yourself, believe

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in yourself and be the wise Gardner

who keeps on watering the seed.

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Thank you so much for listening to this

episode of Women in the Coaching Arena.

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I have a mess of free resources on

my website joannalottcoaching.com.

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That's Joanna with an A

and Lott with two T's.

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joannalottcoaching.com.

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And I'll also put links in the show notes.

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Let me know if you found

this episode useful.

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Share it with a friend and

leave me a review, and I will

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personally thank you for that.

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Remember to trust yourself, believe

in yourself and be the wise Gardner

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who keeps on watering the seed.

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Get into the arena dare, greatly and try.