We may judge others, but the very thing we see in them we possess 100% to the same degree, so learning to own and love what we judge in others leads us along the path of greater integration and life mastery.

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We only resent things in other people

that remind us of things inside ourselves

2

that we're ashamed of and that

we're really dissociating from.

3

And we're too proud to admit we do it,

4

but we actually do what

we condemn in them.

5

In all probability you've

met people who repeatedly

6

attract events in their life and it seems

like they just keep repeating the same

7

thing and recycling, kind of

like history repeating itself,

8

but individualized now.

9

My topic today is on how whatever

you condemn, you tend to breed,

10

attract and become.

11

So I'd like to address that and you

might want to take some notes on this

12

because it'll stretch your mind a bit.

13

When you are not living

14

in accordance with what you value most

and not really filling your day with the

15

highest priority actions,

16

and you feel that you've

been bombarded by unexpecteds

17

and you are down in your

amygdala, reacting and surviving,

18

you tend to be more polarized

in your expectations and

19

experiences. And what does that

mean? That means the amygdala,

20

which is a subcortical area of the brain,

21

tends to want to seek prey and avoid

predators. Seek pleasure, avoid pain,

22

seek ease, avoid difficulty,

seek support, avoid challenge.

23

It tends to divide a magnet into

half and try to get one-sided

24

magnets. But in reality,

life has both sides.

25

,

26

it's like trying to get in a relationship

that has more support and support

27

without challenge or kind without

cruel or nice without mean,

28

not going to happen.

29

You're going to have both in a

relationship and the longer you're in a

30

relationship more you get to

comprehend that. So we tend to,

31

when we're not living by priority and

we're not more objective and we're not

32

more balanced and resilient,

33

we tend to polarize our perspective

and seek a one-sided experience.

34

And we want to avoid the other side.

35

So we're caught in a seeking

and avoiding animal behavior,

36

a survival behavior,

37

instead of an objective embracing of

the two sides of life in the pursuit of

38

something meaningful, which is a mean

between these pairs of opposites.

39

So anytime we're seeking out a one sided

and trying to avoid the other side,

40

because life has a magnet, two sides,

41

we attract into our life the complementary

opposite of whatever we're seeking.

42

That's why you probably

heard the statement;

43

similars attract and so

do opposites attract.

44

Because you're seeking that

which is similar to you,

45

but you're also attracting that which

is opposite to you, keep you balanced.

46

You maximally grow at the

border of support and challenge.

47

So the more you try to get supported and

the more you tend to become dependent

48

on that support, the more you attract

the challengers to break the dependency.

49

So you attract into your life the opposite

of what you're seeking in addition to

50

what you're seeking, you're seeking

that what you're striving for,

51

but you're also attracting the opposite.

So you're seeking a nice person,

52

you get somebody that's

also mean at times. ,

53

You seek something that's pleasureful

but it now has a set of challenges with

54

it. Anything you desire that you assume

is going to give you more advantage than

55

disadvantage, by the time

you actually obtain it,

56

you find out there's disadvantages

that came with it. Spandrels,

57

as they sometimes call them,

unexpected things that come.

58

But they're actually predictable,

59

but they're unexpected if you're blinded

living in the amygdala trying to get a

60

one-sided world and subjectively having

a confirmation bias on the positives and

61

a disconfirmation bias on the negatives,

62

we're deleting out the negatives

and then smacked by them.

63

So whatever we seek,

64

we attract also in addition to that

which we're seeking the opposite,

65

it comes a pair, like

a magnet. And ,

66

you also breed what you condemn.

67

So if you're trying to get rid of it

and condemn half of it and seek the only

68

side, whatever you condemn, you attract.

69

But also just like in a relationship, if

you're infatuated with a certain trait,

70

you typically make love with somebody

during a time you're infatuated and during

71

the time you resent them, you don't

have love making as much. When you do,

72

you tend to epigenetically code the

offspring, in case you have children,

73

with the behaviors that you're trying

to avoid. That's why you see your,

74

when your teenagers get

to be a certain age,

75

you say 'you're just like your father',

76

'you're just like your mother,' because

the very thing that you infatuate with

77

them has the opposite with

it, that comes with it,

78

and then you're wanting one because

you're seeking it and you're wanting to

79

avoid the other and so that annoys you

and so you're actually creating and

80

breeding epigenetically the expression

of the trait that you're trying to avoid.

81

And that teaches you automatically to

make sure that you learn to love all

82

parts. You're there to love both

sides of people and not just one side.

83

If you're in a relationship and all

you're wanting to do is get one side and

84

you're not embracing both sides,

85

you're not going to be able

to love the individual.

86

You're trying to get rid of half of them

just like trying to get rid of half of

87

you, it's going to be futile. But

if you love both sides of them,

88

the things you like and dislike, the

support and challenge, the nice and mean,

89

the positive and negative, whatever

about them, the peace and war,

90

then you can love them for who they are.

91

So anytime you're making love with

them during the infatuation phase of

92

relationship,

93

you're epigenetically coding the

genetics of the children to express

94

the trait that you're trying to avoid,

95

and the thing you're blind to

when you're infatuated. See,

96

when you're infatuated with somebody,

you're blind to the downsides.

97

When you're resentful,

you're blind to the upsides.

98

So when you're infatuated making love,

99

the parts that you're blind to are

epigenetically coded into the equation to

100

make sure that they surface,

101

to teach you how to love those parts

of the individual you love, both sides,

102

and the children. And that's why the

parts that you are infatuated with,

103

they come with the parts you resent and

then when they surface you say, well,

104

you're just like your mom,

105

you're just like the parts

I don't like about your mom.

106

Or you're just like the parts I

don't like about your dad .

107

So you'll automatically

breed epigenetically the

coded components that you're

108

trying to avoid in a relationship

to teach you that you can't avoid,

109

you can only embrace the two

sides of life. When you're mature,

110

you embrace both sides of life.

You're in your executive center.

111

That's why when you're living

by priority and your blood,

112

glucose and oxygen goes

into the executive center,

113

you're able to handle both sides and

have a realistic expectation that people

114

are going to be both sided. But

when you're in your amygdala,

115

because of the subjective biases,

116

it automatically assumes it's trying

to avoid a predator and seek a prey,

117

avoid challenge, seek ease,

118

and it's going to look for a one-sided

world and then the other side's going to

119

smack it. So it's going to

attract what it's condemning,

120

it's going to breed what it's condemning,

121

and you breed attract

or become. And you discover,

122

as I teach in the Breakthrough

Experience, 35 years almost,

123

that whatever you condemn in other people,

124

you're pointing your finger at yourself.

125

So what happens is you go around and

you, as it says in Romans 2-1, it says,

126

when you condemn somebody,

beware for judging them,

127

for whatever you judge them for, you

got three fingers pointing back at you,

128

you do the same thing.

129

We only resent things in other people

that remind us of things inside ourselves

130

that we're ashamed of and that

we're really dissociating from.

131

And we're too proud to admit we do it,

132

but we actually do what

we condemn in them.

133

So what happens is whatever we repress

in our life and try to pretend like we

134

don't have that we see in other

people that we don't like and condemn,

135

we automatically eventually that

repression and that coverup with that

136

pride,

137

eventually has that repression express

itself and we become the very thing that

138

we condemn.

139

We're seeing that right now in the

Middle East conflicts that are going on

140

,

141

each country or each group of people are

trying to condemn the other person for

142

their behaviors and they're doing the

very same behaviors that the people

143

condemned. So I'm a firm believer

that whatever you condemn, you breed,

144

attract and become to try to teach you

how to love the parts that you've not

145

been able to love before.

146

And to teach you that life has two sides

and striving to get a one-sided life is

147

futile.

148

One of the biggest reasons for depression

is the comparison of your current

149

reality to a fantasy

that you're striving for.

150

You're fantasizing that somehow

you're going to get a one-sided world,

151

more nice than mean, more positive

than negative, more kind than cruel,

152

more peace than more, more support than

challenge, more giving than taking,

153

more generous than stingy, more

considerate than inconsiderate,

154

more white than black, more

whatever, positive than negative,

155

not going to happen. Everything in

the world is a unity of opposites.

156

Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher

wrote about this 500 BC or so.

157

He basically said that there's a unity

of opposites and whatever you have,

158

there's the opposite.

159

It's kind of like a yin yang Chinese

philosophy or a Daoist philosophy.

160

So instead of sitting there

trying to get a one-sided world,

161

the reason why we breed,

162

attract and become whatever we condemn

is to teach us how to love both

163

sides of life. And therefore that

what we try to run away from,

164

we keep running into.

165

And what's interesting is if we strive

for that which is only one side,

166

this infatuated side and the other

side smacks us, we have distress,

167

and we create symptoms that causes

an entropic destruction of our body

168

to let us know that we're actually not

living with a balanced orientation.

169

As Pythagoras said in his

times, if we balance our mind,

170

we balance our body and we have healing.

171

But as long as we're striving

for a one-sided world,

172

the other side's going to have to

bring us in to balance this out.

173

So either of you embrace both sides of

life and pursue a balanced orientation

174

with your foresight and

your strategic planning,

175

which sets a real objective that has

mitigates the risk and handles things and

176

preemptive strikes things and

is available for both sides.

177

Or you're in your amygdala looking for

a one-sided world and getting smacked,

178

attracting what you don't want,

breeding what you don't want,

179

and eventually becoming aware of

what you already are but you're too

180

proud to admit it and now

you surface it. So you breed,

181

attract and become whatever you

condemn. And if you look very carefully,

182

the thing you infatuate with,

you eventually undermine,

183

because you don't like to be controlled.

Whenever you infatuate with something,

184

it occupies space and time

in your mind and runs you.

185

Anything you resent occupies space

and time in your mind runs you.

186

So you don't want to have things run you.

187

So you undermine the thing

that you infatuate with to

make sure you're set free

188

from being run by the

thing you infatuate with.

189

You know you get infatuated with somebody

that's got really good fitness and

190

looks or whatever and then you take

them out to dinner and fatten them up,

191

just to make sure

they don't run your life.

192

Because now you're completely controlled

by the beauty of them and their looks.

193

So we breed,

194

attract and become whatever we condemn

to teach us to see both sides and to

195

love and embrace both sides of life.

196

This is exactly what I'm trying to teach

people in the Breakthrough Experience

197

because people bang their

head against the wall,

198

keep repeating history in their life,

just like societies and cultures do,

199

because they keep striving

for one-sided world.

200

There's many delusions that people have

and seeking for one-sided experiences

201

is futile. Trying to get a

relationship with one side,

202

trying to get a goal with one side,

203

trying to get anything with one

side is fantasy and it's futile.

204

That's why nature brings the other side.

205

Because we maximally grow at the

border of support and challenge.

206

We maximally grow at the border of all

pairs of opposites. And this is not new,

207

this is again, thousands

of years old, we know this,

208

but we tend to forget it and we need to

be reminded of it. Embrace both sides.

209

If you want to love somebody,

you got to embrace both sides.

210

The longer you're with somebody you

know you're going to have both sides.

211

Things you like and dislike about them,

212

the things that little peccadillos

that you don't like and the things you

213

admire. Both are

necessary for you to grow.

214

Maximum growth and development occurs

at the border of pairs of opposites.

215

And that's what love is. In the

Breakthrough Experience program,

216

when I do the Demartini Method, I

take the trait that somebody despises,

217

that they keep recreating in their life,

the Buddhists call it the karmic wheel,

218

you just keep repeating the same thing

because you keep judging it and you keep

219

avoiding it. And everything you try

to avoid, you keep running into,

220

because you're trying to escape

it. And once you escape it,

221

you're searching for the thing that keeps

you juveniley dependent and infatuated

222

and then you get smacked by the

thing you don't want. Again,

223

that's distress you. Eustress is when

you're embracing both sides. Wise,

224

mature, embracing objectively

both sides of life.

225

And when you're pursuing challenges

that inspire you, you wake up genius.

226

When you're trying to avoid

challenges that despire you,

227

you end up with distress.

228

So if you don't want the distress and

you don't want the repeated cycles,

229

that's the karmic wheel, if you will,

230

then embrace both sides of life. When

you're living by your highest priorities,

231

you automatically do so. In

the Breakthrough Experience,

232

I show people how to live by

priority, how to organize their life,

233

delegate lower priority things so they

have least likely to be pursuing the

234

impossibles and the ones that

create futility and frustration,

235

and allows them to understand that

they have everything they see in other

236

people. That there's going

to be both sides to life.

237

And to embrace that and to maximize

your potential by embracing both sides.

238

If you expect to have a one-sided

individual or goal or anything,

239

you're going to end up frustrated,

learning a lesson the hard way.

240

So whatever you condemn, you

breed, attract, and become.

241

In the Breakthrough Experience,

242

I teach you how to do the Demartini

Method on how to dissolve those and

243

unrealistic expectations and delusions,

244

so you can set real goals in real time

and achieve real outcomes that have both

245

sides, so you can have fulfillment.

246

You're not going to have fulfillment

trying to get rid of half of your life's

247

experiences. And you're not going

to get one sided experiences.

248

You might as well embrace

the both sides of life.

249

I learned 39 years ago not to waste

your time on a one-sided world.

250

It's futile. So you breed, attract

and become whatever you condemn.

251

And whatever you condemn is a reflection

of you to teach you how to love

252

yourself and both sides of yourself.

253

That's why I want people to come

to the Breakthrough Experience.

254

Because they can walk in not loving

half of themselves, or others,

255

and they can walk out embracing the

wholeness of who they are and the people

256

they care about and love.

257

So I just wanted to share that message

with you today and I want you to come to

258

the Breakthrough Experience so I can share

with you the Demartini Method and the

259

value applications on how to live by

priority and how to neutralize all the

260

unrealistic expectations you

have on yourself and others.

261

So you can set real goals in real time

and have real outcomes and objectives and

262

have fulfillment.