If you’re the strong one, the go-to, the strategist, the fixer — this episode is for you. Because even the strongest leaders need a place to lean. In this heartfelt, truth-filled conversation, Jan unpacks what it means to create a “Third Space” — a sacred, intentional pause where you can be seen, cared for, and reminded that your value isn’t in what you produce. Drawing from personal experience and spiritual insight, Jan shares why every high-capacity woman needs room to exhale — and how doing so isn't selfish... it’s sustainable.

This episode is a permission slip to put something down — and let God fill the space.

What You’ll Hear:

• Why being Wonder Woman can wear you out
• The turning point that led Jan to her own Third Space
• How Jesus modeled the power of pausing
• Practical ways to reset and receive without guilt
• A soft invitation into deeper rest through the upcoming Third Space Retreat

Favorite Quotes:

“Leadership doesn’t mean you stop needing care. It means you have to fight harder to receive it.”

“You’ve been carrying what I never asked you to hold alone.” – what Jan heard from the Lord during her reset

“Creating space for yourself doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you sustainable.”

Episode Highlights:

• [01:32] The emotional cost of being everyone’s go-to
• [05:10] A story of grief, burnout, and unexpected breakthrough
• [09:55] What “Third Space” actually means — and why you need one
• [15:12] Small but sacred ways to carve out space in your week
• [21:00] The retreat vision God gave Jan — and your invitation to gather

Resources & Links:

Ready to explore your own Third Space? Join us for the January retreat → jantouchberry.com/thirdspace

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Podcast Episode Script: Where Do You Go When You’re the One Everyone Comes To?

The Third Space Every Leader Needs But Rarely Takes

PRE_MUSIC

You carry a lot. Vision. Responsibility. Expectations.

But when was the last time you made space just to be?

In this episode, we’re pressing pause on the productivity talk and leaning into something deeper: what it means to be held, not just helpful. If you’ve felt stretched thin or secretly weary, this conversation is your reminder—you’re not alone, and you don’t have to lead on empty.

Let’s talk about what it really looks like to rest on purpose.

INTRO

Today I just want to have a little heart to heart talk. Is that ok?

You’re the strong one. The go-to. The strategist. The fixer. The one people send the late-night texts to because they know you’ll show up.

And that’s a beautiful thing.

But what happens when you need a minute? When you feel like the well everyone’s drawing from is cracked dry?

Where do you go when you’re the one everyone comes to?

That’s what we’re unpacking today. No formulas, no 5-step plans—just a real conversation between two women who carry a lot and are learning the grace of putting some of it down.

Please know as you are listening to this, that this is something I am still working on with the Lord. I am not coming from a place of having arrived – but over the years, he has been gently showing me the importance of what I want to share with you today.

SECTION 1: THE STRONG ONE SCRIPT

Somewhere along the line, we learned to equate leadership with invincibility. Especially as women in business, ministry, and motherhood, we carry this unspoken belief that we have to prove we can handle it all.

It’s all Wonder Woman’s fault. That is quite literally the nic-name many of us have been given by those that we serve and lead.

I watched a Ted-talk recently about this by Sheryl Sandberg. She also talks about this in her book Lean In—how women systematically underestimate themselves and often wait until they feel 100% ready before saying yes to leadership roles. But once we do say yes? We hold ourselves to a standard of being everything to everyone—all while pretending it’s no big deal.

And truth be told… We LIKE IT! Some of us REALLY like it. It feels good to be needed and depended on. To be Wonder Woman…

But we don’t just lead. We manage emotions, we mediate conflict, we maintain calendars, we remember birthdays and bottle sizes and branding colors.

But here’s what I’ve learned the hard way: leadership doesn’t mean YOU stop needing care.

It means you have to fight harder to receive it.

Because when you’re the one everyone leans on, there has to be a place where you get to lean.

SECTION 2: STORYTIME – WHEN I COULDN’T FAKE FINE

There have bene times in my life that I have been “not-fine”. But in true Enneagram -8 fashion, I very rarely admit it. Until I can’t fake it any more. I need a break!

A few years ago, I had just come off a season of pouring out—who am I kidding… my whole life is a season of pouring out. My mother had passed away a few months before and after taking a small bit of time off – I was back at it. But inside, I was running on fumes. I remember taking a walk one afternoon and suddenly just stopping—mid-step—and thinking, “Who sees me right now?”

Not my business. Not my brand. Not what I DO for everyone else. Me.

That moment led me to really seek the Lord for how to fix it. How to fix me. He lead me to a retreat that honestly I couldn’t totally afford, but I knew deep down I couldn’t afford to not go. He even told me to book time alone before the retreat. No plan. No content to batch. No one who needed anything. Just me, my Bible, and a pair of fuzzy socks.

And friend—that time was so pivotal for me. Not only did I feel the Lord walking me through the grief, but I knew HE SAW ME and He was healing parts of me I wasn’t stopping long enough to realize needed healing.

That time was release. Like my body finally believed it was safe to exhale. And in that stillness, I heard the Lord say, "You’ve been carrying what I never asked you to hold alone."

I think more than any other time in my life – that experience solidified deep inside me the importance of third space moments.

SECTION 3: WHY THIRD SPACE ISN’T SELFISH

If you are not familiar with the term “Third Space” let me explain.

One is a social space that is not home (your 1st place) or work (your second space) but somewhere else. Usually more informal like a coffee shop or a park where you can connect and be in community with others where you feel a sense of belonging.

Then there is the cultural third space that is a blending of different cultures and new identities are formed.

And finally there is the modern urban planning spaces that blend work, life and leisure (like shared working spaces)

As a visionary and a creative – getting out of my normal spaces are super important to me. Not only for my creativity and productivity but honestly for my sanity. Breaking out of the norm allows me a chance to exhale.

Creating space for yourself doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you and the work you are called to do sustainable.

Sandberg also points out in Lean In that leadership is not about climbing alone—it’s about lifting others while refusing to lose yourself in the process. But if you never step out of the daily grind to refill, you’re not leading from overflow. You’re leading from exhaustion or at best, treading water—and no one thrives long in that place.

We need spaces where:

• We are not needed

• We are not performing

• We are not prepping your next talk or strategy call

We need space where we are seen, held, and reminded that we are more than what we produce.

Jesus did this constantly—He withdrew often to lonely places. Not because He was shirking responsibility, but because He was stewarding His purpose.

SECTION 4: PRACTICAL RESET – YOUR THIRD SPACE INVITATION

So what does this look like in your real life?

You don’t have to book a flight or rent a cabin. (although, I do highly recommend doing that for yourself. I have been doing this at least annually for myself for the last few years) But you do have to be intentional.

Here are a few small but sacred third space ideas:

• An hour at a local coffee shop where you bring no laptop.

• A morning walk where the only voice you hear is God’s.

• A no-device, no-plans “Rest” window each week.

• Time with a friend who sees you and says, “How are you, really?”—and won’t let you brush it off.

And if you’re in a season where none of that feels possible? I hear you. Been there. Done that. I do have 4 kids!

Start with this question:

“Where can I create 15 minutes this week to be fully honest with myself and with God?”

That’s it. That’s your first third space.

But friend, however you start your Third Space journey – please just start. The need for rest has been a theme I am hearing from all over the place. Especially from women. It’s going to take honesty. Honesty with yourself that you need a third space moment. Honesty with your work that you will be better able to serve if you have it. Honesty with your loved ones that this is one of the best gifts they could ever give you.

SECTION 5: AN INVITATION TO RECEIVE (RETREAT SOFT INTRO)

Here’s the truth: You don’t need another system. You need space.

If you have been following me for a while, you know they every year the Lord shows me a word of the year that he and I will walk out together.

This last year, my word has been Gather. Definitely not a typical word this introverted girl would choose. And yet he has been showing me what this word means for me and those I serve. In the beginning of the year I had a very vivid vision (is the best way to describe it because I wasn’t asleep). There was a really long table and it was beautifully set. For who I wasn’t sure. But all down the middle of the table was platter after platter of fruit. All different kinds. It looked beautiful and delicious. I knew that I was setting the table and was support gather women to the table and the result would be beautiful fruit.

Why am I telling you all this? Why does this matter? Because friend—wherever you are in your journey, your leadership, your business—you deserve to be poured into too.

The Kingdom needs women who are leading from overflow, not running on empty.

So, if the Third Space retreat sounds like something you want to explore – head to jantouchberry.com/third space.

CLOSING: A BLESSING FOR THE STRONG ONES

But before you go, let me challenge you with this:

Who’s pouring into you right now? And when’s the last time you let them?

If you don’t have an answer yet, that’s okay. But don’t stay there. God has more for you than just surviving. Make room for it. Let yourself be poured into.

You’re worth it.

Until next time! Have a great week.