In this insightful episode, Yasmine dives into practical strategies aimed at helping mothers navigate the challenges of motherhood, while lightening their mental load. 

Yasmine provides 6 actionable tips designed to empower mothers to manage the mental load more effectively. 

Sharing personal experiences and focusing on self-compassion, adaptability, and recognizing that the journey of motherhood involves constant change. 

In this episode:

Here are her 6 tips to reduce the mental load for moms:

1. Prioritize and Let Things Go: Encouraging mothers to prioritize tasks, say no more often, and be selective about opportunities. The emphasis is on understanding that not everything has to be done, and letting go of non-essential tasks can absolutely lighten the mental load.

2. Focus on Delegation within Your Family: Discussing the importance of involving family members, including children and spouses, in household responsibilities. Delegating tasks and allowing others to contribute fosters a sense of teamwork and shared responsibility.

3. Create Organizational Systems: Highlighting the power of having structured systems in place, such as family calendars, written plans, and daily routines. These systems reduce the mental effort required for day-to-day tasks, making it easier to manage responsibilities.

4. Embrace Technology: Leveraging technology to simplify tasks, from grocery shopping apps to budgeting tools. The use of technology is presented as a way to streamline processes and reduce the need for manual effort.

5. Get Support: Recommends seeking help when needed, whether through hiring services like housekeepers or delegating specific responsibilities to others. Emphasizes that support can significantly alleviate the mental load.

6. Prioritize Self-Care and Time Management: Encourages mothers to include themselves in their priorities, practicing self-care and effective time management. Acknowledging that taking care of oneself positively impacts the ability to handle daily responsibilities with enthusiasm and energy.

Your challenge today is to start with one of these tasks. Do a brain dump of what is nagging you and start there!

Resources mentioned from this episode:

Todoist app

Connect with Yasmine Moussa: 

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No, in all seriousness, no, this is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, simply because I have really spent a lot of time thinking about and learning how to manage the mental load. And I take a lot of pride in the little systems that I have created. So I am super excited to share this with you today.

I'd better register for school. I'd better get My son into that preschool. I've got a pre register. It is what am I making for dinner? Is dinner healthy enough? Is my family, you know, taking enough vacations? Are we doing enough? Are we getting enough quality time? Um, you know, do I need to buy new underwear for my kids?

Oh, have my kids outgrown their shoes? It is literally every single thought that is running through a mom's mind, but it's also all of the planning all of the thinking that we have to do to keep Things running. Let's be honest, as moms, like, you know, we're, we're basically running a tight ship here. We are not only responsible for.

Now, I also want to be very clear that I'm not here to try and undermine the responsibilities, the mental load of a father. I think that fathers play A tremendously important role in the family, and I have a ton of respect and appreciation for that. So, I’m not here to try and say that I’m the only person in my family that has a mental load. I have a mother’s mental load. My husband has a father’s mental load. And men just simply have a different mental load, they are thinking about different things than we are. The mother’s mental load, to me, is a lot more logistical. It’s a lot more, kind of like, You know, we are responsible for. Kind of shaping things. There's just a [00:03:00] lot that is on our plates at any given time. So I'm not here to try and say that fathers don't have responsibilities. That is not at all what I'm saying. I am just here today to try and give you and me some actionable ideas and insights for how to kind of manage and reduce our mental load because it's not gonna go away.

Right. We still have those responsibilities. We still have to plan birthday parties. We're still doing Christmas presents or, you know, whatever it is that is kind of going on. Um, those, those things are part of motherhood. So I just want to give you some ideas and talk through ways to make this more manageable so that it's not taking up your You know, kind of like your whole day, or really just zapping your energy, right?

So let's jump in.

Okay, so tip number one for balancing a mother's mental load is prioritization and letting things go. So number one, I think it's really natural as a mother to want to do it all and to be everything all at once. Like, for me, I would love to be, you know, super mom at school, I would love to be super mom in the kitchen, I would love to be, you know, just present at all my kids sports activities.

I just think that when we know what is important to us, and we recognize the fact that not everything has to be perfect, we don't have to do everything, not everything has to be done right now, we will be able to lighten our load. Okay? And a lot of the time, That means saying no more. Um, I heard this quote that said something like, when you say yes to someone, you're saying no to yourself.

For example, I used to volunteer in my son's kindergarten classroom and I absolutely loved it, but I was giving up, I think, three hours on my Wednesdays that I would have had, I had a babysitter for. During those three hours, I could have been working, I could have taken self care time, I could have done other things.

Now, in the end, I loved volunteering and that was the choice that I made. But when you do commit to something, just try to factor in what the costs of that commitment are, even if it's just, you know, making plans with friends or something like that. Like I am so guilty of making plans. And then when it comes time to actually go to those plans, I just drag my feet and I really don't want to go.

Sometimes things conflict with our schedules like sports or school events or, you know, whatever it might be. But, to me, I know that that's something that I value, and so whenever I am planning out my week, or I am kind of just thinking about what kind of mother I want to be, That is something that is, is pretty much, you know, at the top of the list.

Okay.

Another part of that is to basically prioritize the things in your home. So, um, decluttering your home, letting go of things is a big aspect. I know for me, I spend a lot of my day moving stuff around the house. It is putting my kids toys away, putting the clothes away, moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer.

I sometimes feel like I am the chief staff officer in my home. And I said that with air quotes if you're not watching the video, but like, basically I sometimes feel like I'm constantly moving stuff from place to place and I spend a lot of my day doing that. And that is when I realized that, okay, we've got too many toys.

So I think really just also getting a handle on the stuff in your home, okay, is a big part of that prioritization, because

And I'm not saying you have to go minimalist, but the act of decluttering, the act of removing things when you no longer need them is so powerful. And it actually It frees up so much space in your life, in your brain, in your mind, and frankly, just in your energy as well. So I'm a big fan of decluttering.

And it is okay to let go of things that no longer serve you. Okay. So, um, say no more, you know, don't always be agreeing to things, um, and you know, really, really know what matters to you. Let go of the expectation that things have to be perfect, or you have to do everything. Okay, so tip number two. This is a good one.

Tip number two is, uh, to delegate and have shared responsibility in your home. So, delegation really looks like, you know, giving responsibility to someone else for a task. or for a zone in your home. For example, one of the things I've been wanting to try is to give my kids a zone in the house that they're responsible for.

That means the video games are put away. That means the pillows are put back on the couch Because let's be honest, They get thrown all around the house. Um, the ottoman needs to be pushed back. The coffee table needs to be moved around. Um, can you kind of understand that everything in my living room just ends up all over the place?

So if I were to give one of my kids the responsibility for cleaning up the living room before bed, Um, that would be a great way of just delegating that. And now my kids are old enough to where they can handle these kinds of responsibilities. But truly, kids can have chores from as young as two or three.

How can someone else in your family help with these responsibilities? Um, I feel like I spend so much time cleaning up in the kitchen that now my nine year old is responsible for emptying the dishwasher in the mornings. And it helps me a lot. So just not having to do every little thing myself is a big Um, time saver, but also an energy, you know, saver as well.

Now that really applies more for like family members. When you do have an employee, let's say you have a nanny or a mother's helper or a housekeeper come. Yes. You can definitely say, I want things done this way. But when it comes to having your spouse do something or your children do something, I think you have to give a little bit of, um, flexibility and room for them to do things their own way.

So that's something that was hard for me at first. Um, I realized that, you know, I had to stop wanting everything done my way. Especially when it came to like my husband, you know, spending time with the kids or taking the kids out or doing something like that. Um, it was a lot better. It worked a lot better for me when I did not expect him to do things my way.

So delegating is step one, you know, giving shared responsibility is the first part of this, but also giving people room to do things their way will ensure that they keep doing them for you. Um, and that's kind of what makes it teamwork task, right? Like, um, putting clothes away. We try to put laundry away.

You know, sometimes we'll do a little laundry party in the family just because the laundry gets excessive. Um, or we will clean up the house before bed. We'll tidy everything up. And it's, it's really this idea that, Hey, we're a family. We're in it together. This is our home and it's teamwork. So. Definitely start thinking about the kinds of things that you can delegate to someone else.

So tip number three for balancing your mama's mental load is, okay, this is one of my favorites. It's having organizational systems. Okay. So having systems in your home and in your life is one of the most powerful ways to get more done. Okay. So hear me out on this. I have quote unquote, an ADHD brain, and I always have since childhood.

That doesn't require me to think about those things. For example, um, when my boys were little, I took out my calendar, took out my journal. This was right after I had my second baby, and my youngest, my oldest was three, and I had a newborn, and I just felt overwhelmed with everything. I felt overwhelmed with like, Taking care of the baby, handling a toddler, but then also we had just moved into a new house and it was like unpacking and then just trying to manage our day to day stuff.

m. Um, you know, take, change the baby nurse. Put a load of laundry in, go downstairs for breakfast, you know, and I just literally listed all of his naps, what we would do, what my windows of time were with the toddler. Um, and then when I would literally switch the laundry. And this is the kind of structure that I needed at the time simply because I had so much on my plate.

I, I was juggling so many new things. I had a baby, I had, you know, a new house, like there was so much going on, but just being able to write it down and put some structure in my day. Um, um, and that's what made it so much easier for me. And I followed that schedule for a very long time. And then when my son got older, my, my newborn got older, I adjusted the schedule for his new nap schedule.

See, for me, it's those little things like, laundry or cleaning, um, that are not so exciting and they just never bubble up to the top of my personal priorities, but they still have to be done. So, I know that, okay, when I wake up, I'm going to put a load of laundry in and then I will put that load of laundry away the same day, or at least that's the goal.

It is Mind blowing. Um, but I just need those little, little things in place for me to know that everything is going to get done and I don't have to think about it. Okay? And that is the key. When we're trying to reduce the mental load that we have as mothers, you want to not have to think about these things.

Right? Because that mental load is that nonstop to do list. The nonstop things that need to get done and when it comes to things that are happening all the time like laundry, towels, counters, you know, even even routine things like dentist appointments, take the thinking out of it. Okay, and that is one of the best ways to reduce the mental load.

When am I going to do the laundry? When am I going to put this away? That causes decision fatigue, and that just weighs you down even further. That just adds to your mother's mental load, and we want to lighten that load. Okay, so take the thinking out of your day to day tasks. When do you take your vitamins?

I take mine first thing in the morning with breakfast. Or I take the other half at bedtime, um, or with, with my, you know, nighttime snack, or with dinner. Just have a system so that you don't have to think about these things, and you don't forget the little stuff that matters. Okay. Um, another kind of organizational system can be having a family calendar.

Um, okay. And another good organizational system is to write things down and have a plan for your day and for your week. Now, to me, I think it's too ambitious to expect that I write down everything that I need to do every single day and every single week. I try to do that, but I don't always get that done.

That's not what works for me. But that might be what works for you. There are so many different personality types and so many different preferences. So just find what works for you and write things down. By doing a brain dump, you can actually just find what works You can almost instantly reduce your mental load simply by writing that to do list on paper, and you're literally taking it from your brain and transferring it to paper, and you're reducing that responsibility that says, I have to remember every single one of these things, um, and that's my responsibility.

It's not just doing them, it's actually remembering them as well. I use the Notes app on my cell phone a lot. It is so helpful. I make tons and tons of lists on there. I also use an app called Todoist. That is the best to do app that I have found for iPhones. I don't know if it's on Androids. Um, but it's super helpful.

I kind of use a combination of all of the above. Just find what works for you and try to write things down more. Take those thoughts out of your head and put them on paper. And then finally, one more thought for organizational systems is to Set it and forget it. Okay. So as much as you can, let's say you have to take the kids to the dentist twice a year, right?

I don't have to think about that again until it pops up on my calendar, and I know that it's time for me to go take the kids to the dentist. So, making it simpler, making all of these obligations a little bit simpler can also be very, very helpful. Um, okay. And then number four, I kind of touched on this in tip number three, but number four is to embrace technology.

Okay. There are so many apps and tools out there that can help you manage your family life and your personal life. Um, you can use apps for grocery shopping. You can use apps for budgeting. You can use apps for to do lists. You can use apps for, you know, communication. Um, I, at one point I had a shared note on my, Notes tab, my notes folder, my notes app.

It can be simple. Okay. Embrace technology, but don't complicate it. You don't have to pay a ton of like app subscription fees and all of this stuff. You don't have to use a ton of different apps. Keep it simple. Find what works for you. It can be as simple as just using the Notes app on your phone. Um, okay.

Number five. This is actually one of my favorite, um, tips. And that is to get support. Okay, I don't mean going out and talking to friends and lamenting about your, your mother's mental load. That can help. You know, it's nice to get validation, but actually I'm talking about literally getting help in your home.

Is it worth that? Or could you spend that time? attending to your kids? Could you spend that time caring for yourself? Could you spend that time caring for your home or your family in other ways? Could you spend that time working if you have a job or if you have a side hustle, what is the cost benefit analysis?

So I highly recommend that you have a housekeeper. Now, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, Yasmeen, I only use non toxic cleaning products. There's no way that I can have someone come and clean my house for me. Whoa. My response to that is find someone who will use your products without any kind of an issue, who will follow your requirements for the job.

You are an employer. If you hire someone to clean your house, have them do it the way that you want it done. Simple. And if the person that you have doesn't do that, then, you know, look elsewhere. Hire a different company, but make sure that you tell them, I only want you to use my cleaning products. And make sure they're good with that.

You can go to the store, the party store, and get all of the supplies. It's just a lot easier than trying to do it with a two year old or something. Um, you know. in tow, find what would help you figure out what is your big obstacle for something and then find out what would make it simpler. Is there someone that you can help?

Is there someone that you can hire? Um, maybe you hire a party planner instead of trying to do it yourself, or, you know, maybe you bring somebody in to watch the kids once a week while you go and work out, um, because then your own personal fitness, you know, doesn't have to nag you at the back of your mind as well.

And I have, I have been talking about this for the longest time. And for some reason, I just haven't done it. Um, it's hard for me to, it's really hard for me to delegate, to be perfectly honest. And I know that I've given you that advice that, you know, you should delegate tasks that, you know, you don't want to handle or you can't handle.

Um, But for me, I really want to hire someone to put my laundry away for me because it gets overwhelming. Um, I haven't done that yet though, but that's something I'm considering. I definitely have a housekeeper. That is a huge plus. Um, and at some point, you know different various times we've had babysitters and whatnot nannies and stuff, but Um, you know just consider who you can help who you can hire to help you manage your mental load and manage your responsibilities.

Okay, and then tip number six is This is something I talk about a lot too, and that is prioritizing your self care and time management, okay? You have to look after yourself. And if you don't look after yourself, your ability to cope with these responsibilities just gets degraded over time. So block off some time in your calendar just for you.

Um, it could be something as simple as a cup of coffee in the morning, a walk during your baby's nap when she's in the stroller, um, start your day with some intention. Okay. Know what you want to achieve that day. Know what is important to you, but also factor yourself in. I hate to use a cliche, but you can't pour from an empty cup.

Those are never my best days just because I'm kind of starting things off on the wrong foot. Um, and this is not meant to be a lecture because I have been there so many times myself. So this last tip is just to remember to include yourself in your own priorities. Okay. Um, some mindfulness can help, um, even just like deep breathing, whatever it takes for you to feel whole.

My goodness. I. I think that since I became a mom, style has changed so much and I have struggled to keep up with my own sense of style and, um, you know, beauty, just, just maintaining myself. I think it's so important to do these things so that you remember that you are a whole individual woman in addition to being a mother.

So prioritize yourself too. Not to add more to your mental load and put more things on your list, but if you have a chance to work on yourself as well. You will be able to face your responsibilities, manage your responsibilities, and honestly, just, you know, approach each day with more life, vigor, enthusiasm.

Okay? Remember, it's about finding what works for you and your family. So take these ideas, find what works for you and run with them. And then you know what? Constantly be calling, constantly be working on this and you will Improve your mental load and remember things change right all the time. Our babies go through different phases and stages and things get easier over time as they get bigger.

Say no more. Um, you know, don't say yes without thinking. Be selective about the opportunities that you accept. Declutter, get rid of things, um, and just know that you don't have to do everything. Find the priorities, find your priorities and prioritize them. Number two, focus on delegation and shared responsibility within your family, within your, um, with your spouse.

It's not about doing everything. It's about teamwork. Remember, you and your family are a team. It's not just your responsibility to maintain the house. It's everyone's home, right? Number three is to have and create organizational systems, like a family calendar, writing things down, having a plan for your day, for your week, and just having fun.

You don't have to physically run around town and do everything anymore. There's so much technology that you can use that can help you simplify your tasks. Maybe you use a grocery delivery app, or maybe you have Target deliver your, you know, your items to you. Have a budgeting app, have a, you know, to do list app.

Use technology in a way that, um, reduces your. need to think things through. Number five is to get support, hire things out whenever you can, whenever you need them. Um, number six is to practice self care and time management, prioritize yourself, include yourself on your own to do list. Make sure that you are getting the things that you need to feel happy and whole so that you can approach your.

What is sitting there in the back of your mind? Because I know if I went through my mother's mental load right now, it would be everything from planning a family vacation that we haven't taken in so long to, are my kids brushing their teeth in the morning to do their shoes fit them well? Um, have they outgrown their shoes?

Oh, I need to go buy, um, you know, a t shirt for that school dress up day. Or, you know, um, I've got to buy a new homeschooling book for my younger son. And, um, I wonder if their baseball gloves still fit them or what am I serving for dinner tonight? Do I need to go to Sprouts and get some chicken? It is such a long running list.

You have what it takes. And I am so excited to support you on this. If you found this helpful, I would love to know. Shoot me a DM, leave a comment for this episode. Um, And if it is helpful, I can do more content like that for you. Otherwise, I will see you in the next episode. And until then, take care of yourself and just remember that you are doing an amazing job.

So I will see you in the next one.