How To Reset After A Setback
What if the next time that critical voice pipes up, you didn't have to fight it?
Today, we’re not going to try and silence the critic. We’re going to practice one simple shift to change the conversation entirely.
Think about it: your day slips, a plan goes sideways, and that familiar voice starts in, “You messed up again.” Instead of draining your battery fighting a battle you can't win, this one shift saves your energy for the only thing that actually matters: your next useful step.
Let’s walk through a moment.
The front door clicks shut behind you. Your shoulders are tight, your brain feels fuzzy from back-to-back meetings, and you feel stretched thin. Even after a decent dinner, there’s a pull toward the pantry. You find yourself with your hand in a box of something crunchy and salty, and the action feels almost automatic.
Immediately, the critic arrives: “There you go again. No self-control.” A familiar, cold weight drops in your stomach, making you want to give up on the whole day.
But wait. Before you do, let’s re-run that scene with one change.
Imagine a good friend called and described that exact same evening. You wouldn’t scold them. You’d say something warm, something like, “Of course you're tired. That sounds like a brutal day. One snack doesn't define anything.
Tomorrow is a new day.” That right there… that is the pivot.
The voice you use with yourself in tough moments is one of the most important tools you have.
A harsh inner critic almost never inspires lasting change. It usually just creates shame, and shame is a terrible motivator that pushes us to hide or quit. A compassionate voice changes everything. It keeps you in the game by acknowledging the difficulty without judgment. It reminds you that you are human and this journey is not a straight line.
This practice is about choosing a response that helps you continue.
There's a simple reason this works.
When you beat yourself up, you trigger your brain's alarm system. It’s loud, and it's impossible to think clearly. In that state, your brain just wants the quickest, easiest escape. And often, that escape is the very thing you're feeling bad about. But when you respond with kindness, you quiet that alarm.
This frees up your mental energy to focus on a useful next step, like pouring a glass of water or just deciding to get ready for bed.
So for today, here is your simple practice.
Make it your one focus. First, just notice the critical thought. The next time you feel you've had a setback, with food or a missed workout, just pause long enough to actually hear what you're telling yourself. Then, in that small pause, gently ask the friend question: "What would I say to someone I care about who just did this?" And finally, offer that same kindness to yourself.
You can whisper the words or just think them clearly. Let that supportive voice be the last one you hear on the subject.
You might be thinking, “This feels strange.
Being tough on myself is how I get things done.” I hear that. Many of us were taught that self-criticism is the path to improvement. But has it really worked for you, long-term? Or has it led to a cycle of starting and stopping? Consider this just an experiment. You don’t have to commit to it forever. Just for today, try it once.
The next time the critic shows up, try swapping its voice for a friend’s. See what happens.
Here’s a 60-second reset
Let's anchor this right now with a breath.
Take one deep, calming breath in and out. Just let it all go!
Now, bring to mind a friend you care about deeply, someone who's feeling discouraged.
Picture the exact words of support you’d offer.
Feel the warmth and steadiness of that encouragement in your own chest.
Now, gently turn that feeling inward.
That same warmth, that same steady understanding, belongs to you, too.
It’s always there for you to access.
Take one more breath and carry that feeling with you.
So that is your practice for today.
When you stumble, treat yourself like a good friend. Offer yourself gentle, practical support. This is how we build momentum that lasts. If you try this small action today, I invite you to mark the moment.
You can simply text yourself the word "Reset" as a quiet acknowledgment that you are becoming your own best ally.
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