In order to experience big life changes it takes big actions. Maybe you've been told this as well, but is it really the truth? Peter John Mather reveals how the small action of a phone call literally saved his life. He talks about how what we focus on brings us more of that and also keeps our attention on the situation instead of what is possible. Peter emphasizes the importance of a positive mindset and the immense power available through perspective shifts. He shares his early struggles with dyslexia, self esteem and drug addiction, as well as the impactful moments of change and growth. 

Peter discusses the importance of building a supportive community where individuals can be open about their struggles. He highlights the power of intentionality in conversations about mental health, encouraging listeners to genuinely engage when asking someone how they're doing. Peter's amazing journey from addiction to becoming a renowned skydiver and successful business owner underscores the impact of choosing positivity and gratitude. Peter inspires men to reach out for help, focus on constructive actions and believe in the profound impact of taking small, yet meaningful, actions in their lives.

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Understand how focusing on positive aspects can influence your perceptions and help reduce emotional drama in your life.
• Gain insights into how a change in mindset, such as seeking the positives ("Where is the gift in it?"), can transform your approach to challenges.
• Learn about the importance of gratitude and emitting positive energy to attract similar positivity in your interactions and daily life.
• Explore the significance of reaching out, seeking support and the power of sharing personal struggles to break down social stigmas, especially among men.
• Discover the impact of small, intentional actions in overcoming seemingly big issues and how these steps can be life-changing.

The key moments in this episode are:

08:31 How to shift focus from drama to finding gifts.

11:20 Focus shapes perception; concentrate on positivity.

25:02 Struggling with drugs and self-esteem.

33:41 Small actions can yield big changes

36:01 What are you procrastinating on and why?

39:07 Men should ask for help when needed.

44:30 Choose positivity and focus over negativity daily.

Connect with Peter John Mather

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/peterjohnmather1984/

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/peterjohnmather1984

Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

Well, hello and welcome back, my friend.

And this week I'm joined by Peter John Mather.

And, uh, you know, if you've watched anything on skydiving, uh,

you may have seen Peter, he has toured with Europe on their team.

Dude is jumping out of airplanes and.

He is just making like huge waves in life, big transition.

And so my first thought when I was talking with Peter was like, dude, why

are you jumping out of an airplane?

Perfectly good airplane with a piece of fabric, Peter.

And you know, part of part of our journey may not make sense to other people.

This was part of Peter's journey and his transformation.

And so.

If you have something that's helping you in your process, just like

you're going to see with Peter, um, understand one where you're at

now is not where you have to stay.

There's a choice.

There's other options, just like you're going to see with Peter.

And so we've had a great conversation leading up to this really excited

to jump in with Peter and, uh.

Have him share his story and his insights and just walk away

with a ton of encouragement.

So Peter, how are you doing today, my friend?

Peter John Mather: I am absolutely outstanding today.

Thank you very much, Mike.

Beautiful intro, by the way.

I really appreciate the beautiful intro that you just give me.

Hey, my pleasure, man.

And, and you and I have been laughing for quite a while here.

So it has been awesome just to connect and go, Hey man, it is about encouraging

one another, enjoying life and seeing like, Even the similarities that

we've gone through, you know, we both talked about dyslexia, the kind of

challenges that we had raising up, but it's like, there's also differences.

Like we, we can have a similar process, but it doesn't mean we're in the exact

same place, but we can take encouragement and insights from one another and.

Have that catapult almost.

It's almost like nitrous oxide, man.

Just, you know, getting even further along.

Right.

Peter John Mather: It sure is.

And, and I mean, I'm so glad you touched on that actually, because

it's energy, it's energy that kind of, it's, and even through going

through a computer screen like we are right now, we can feel the energy.

And as soon as I sat on the call, the energy that I just

felt from you and you must have felt from me by the sounds of it.

Um, it's been beautiful.

So yes, uh, I love it that we can excel and talk about some things that

we've still got in common, some things that we've not had in common, but we

can relate to through a different, Perspective and a different set of eyes.

So, and that's what I love about talking about my story and also getting to

meet people like yourself and other many, many different people across

the world, especially from Skydiving and you're correct, you know, um, my.

Skydiving career has been 16 years, um, in the making.

Um, I actually have a skydiving business.

Um, and my business is, business is plural S, 14 of them right now.

Um, uh, doing extremely well, continuing to grow and has again, hard times, you

know, but through hard times become strong people and strong people have good times.

You know, so that's, that's where the kind of scouting has took me,

uh, in so many aspects and, and it's given me a beautiful life.

My personal life right now is, is, is absolutely outstanding.

And I promised you I'd wouldn't just use one word, so I'm not going to

shoot this word, use the word amazing.

Um, so, you know, um.

And, uh, you know, so proud to have just got married to a beautiful girl called

Ash, you know, uh, and we just got married in July, uh, in beautiful Fiji.

And that's why I'm wearing a t shirt that says, uh, I'm on Fiji time.

Um, so that was, uh, that's something that's amazing.

We, my life right now of playing golf, enjoying life, business, um, becoming,

you know, looking after myself, uh, creating a family now, starting to create

a family is, is growing and yeah, life at this minute can not get any better.

And then in five minutes time, it's just got five minutes better, you know,

and it's what I loved what you said, Mike was, you know, it's, we don't

have to stay in the same place we're at right now, there is a different side

to everything and it's just a choice.

You know, it just is a choice.

And I think the, the challenging thing in the moment when

it's not going, you know, absolutely amazing is seeing that there's something

beyond like those mental walls or the chains that are holding us in place,

the beliefs that we have of what's possible or, you know, what we deserve.

And I look back.

At your path, Peter, and I'm like, dude, I would not have sat there and predicted

like you're at this place at this point.

Um, you know, I, I just look at it and I'm like,

there's, there's no way to predict what's going to come out.

But what is it that.

You know, like you're doing that,

man, you just, you continue to see the best of what is yet to come when you're

facing that challenge, Peter, like when you're in the midst of, um, you

know, the struggle that like would have overcome you before, but now you're just

like, Hey, this, this too will pass, you know, this is part of the journey.

This is part of the blessing.

How are you seeing that differently to handle it and get to a different

point down the road than what would have occurred before?

Peter John Mather: I think, um, what, by the way, thank you so much.

It was a great question.

Beautiful question.

Well put.

Um, the

nice way of putting this is that it's very easy to see.

Now, the things that actually are not inside my fence, and I use this

terminology and I use this analogy is what's inside my fence and what's

outside my fence, and what I mean by that is that if it's inside my fence,

it's inside of my control, it's inside my internal control, and if it's outside

my fence, which is normally everything that's on the outside world externally,

then it doesn't really matter to me.

It's not that it doesn't bother me, but I kind of just see a new concept of it.

That there is a learning in everything that we do.

There is a lesson in everything that we do.

And even though everybody will say, Oh, well, you know, I'm

having a really bad time right now.

Yes.

At that minute, at that moment, at that second, you are having, Uh,

not so great time, but in 60, 70, 70, 90 seconds time, you could be

having the best time of your life.

It's just what you focus on will create your feeling of where you

go for the rest of the day, the week, the month, or even the years.

And that was the thing for me is that I used to.

Always say the drama always followed me everywhere I went.

And now I realized that drama never followed me everywhere.

I went, I created drama.

But.

You mean by that?

What's it like?

What do you mean by that?

So many of us, so many of us think that like, Hey, life is just what it is.

Like, And,

Peter John Mather: and, and it's, again, you know, I say

that with that whole kind of

implementation of drama following me is the same concept as everything

always bad happens to me, you know, or why does this let's use this one?

This is always a great one.

Why does this happen to me all the time?

Right.

Let's be honest guys and girls and human beings are the like,

we're, if we're truthful with everything, we've all said that.

Why does it always happen to me?

So it always happens to us because that's what we're focusing on.

Because we're focusing on that, that, that problem.

We're focusing on the negative of it.

We're focusing on the actual issue of it consistently.

And that's what I meant by drama always followed me.

I focused on drama.

So drama followed me, right?

Because of that reason.

And, you know, for people that don't know, if they don't know what the word

drama is, Cause I am a British guy.

It means problems.

It means, um, gossip.

It means people saying bad things about people or, you know, it doesn't

matter what it is or something going wrong or in, you know, it, it doesn't

matter what, um, it was, it was because it was always focused on that aspect.

And it was like, why does this always happen to me?

You know, and it was a very simple shift when I, when I found out how to shift it.

So the question I ask now, even when things don't go right in

business or things don't go right in, uh, personal life, um, because,

hey, Life is a rollercoaster, man.

It's beautiful.

That's what I love about life.

And that's what everybody should love about life is that we don't know what

we're going to wake up to in the morning.

And if things aren't going great, then, Hey, where is the good in it?

Where, where is the good in that person doing that thing?

Or where is the good in that someone pipping the horn at you and.

You know, giving you a gesture, you're like, where is the good in that actually?

Okay.

Uh, maybe he's made me slow down a bit, or where is the good in everything?

And I always try to see the good in it, you know, and someone would say to

me, and even maybe yourself would say, how can you see the good in everything?

You know, but if you don't look for it, then you will never find it.

Would you say that what we're looking for, we'll find like,

as if I'm looking at the negative and saying, you know, drama always follows

me that I'm gonna find that drama.

And if I'm looking, looking for the positive, I'll find the positive.

Peter John Mather: Let's do this then.

Let's do it.

Let's do a little thing, everybody.

Right.

Let's do this little thing that I got taught.

Look around the room.

Right.

Look around the room right now.

I looked for the color green.

Look for the color green, look for the color green, look for the color green.

Right?

How many people, how many, how many things can you see that's green?

In my room, two things, because they're behind me, the plants.

Peter John Mather: Yeah, but before I mentioned that, you weren't

focused on it, so you didn't see it.

So you were so focused right now on me and you, that when even I mentioned it

and I looked around my room briefly, I seen a lot more greens than ever before.

So it's one of them things that when we focus on something,

focus equals feeling, right?

You may, some people may have heard this from different mentors and

this and that out in the world, but focus definitely equals feeling.

If we focus on the drama, we focus on the negative and we focus on the heavy

things in life, then they will come to us because that's all we're focused on.

And if we focus on the light things in life, like being joyful, being

grateful for being here, then.

That's what we will receive.

And I strongly believe, and we can go down a science route and maybe some

of the science, um, boffins out there that may not agree with this, but

we are just made of atoms of energy.

That is it.

We are, this is an avatar.

This is what we live in.

This is my belief.

This is my understanding of it and the higher energy that we put out,

the more beautiful, graceful gratitude that we put out into the world, then

we get to meet people like you and you get to meet people like me and I get

to meet people who I'm a beautiful.

And I get to meet the beautiful, numerous amounts of people that I've met in

the last four years of turning my life around because I didn't see the whole

kind of negative, bad energy in it.

I kind of, and that's the one thing that I would suggest to anybody

just to try, just do, just do it.

Just start looking at the good in everything.

Like, you know, we could go down the routes of, oh yeah, but what

about if somebody robs my house?

Well, where's the good in it?

Okay, well, the good is that you now got CTV cameras on your house,

so there's the good in it, right?

Or, or the other thing is, the good in it is that you've got insurance

for your house and at least you've used it for once because no one ever

reuses their house insurance anyway.

Yeah, very true.

Well, and let's, let's give some context because like who you are now and where

you choose to see things and be and exist.

Very different than where they were before.

Oh yeah.

Like you and I had talked about, Hey, you know, we've got dyslexia,

you know, you found out if at five years old, Hey, I've got dyslexia.

That's got a certain stigma and shame.

That's going to come along with it because you're different than the rest

of, you know, your, your classmates or, or even those just in school in general.

Right.

Yeah.

Um, and then, There were some other things that, you know, as you got

older, that it was like you're making choices, decisions, and, and putting

yourself on a different path, so to speak, you know, as far as like the

drugs and, and stuff, walk us through kind of some of the challenges that you

faced to really give that appreciation for where you are now, because it's.

You know, again, we're not stuck with where we are or who

we are, despite where we're at.

There's somebody that's gone before us, and I think that really helps us

to, you know, see like where you've come from and where you are, Peter.

Peter John Mather: Thank you very much for that.

Um.

I've always had a drive inside of me, a burning desire to be better,

but just not known how to be better.

And, you know, I've always known that there's this burning, and I believe my

belief is that everybody has this inside of them that is like burning inside.

And I'm going to call it the soul that says there is definitely

something better out there for you.

And, you know, I'm, I'm glad that you touched on.

The dyslexia, because I was diagnosed at the age of five.

Um, and, uh, for me, schooling was really bad.

Like it was really hard because it was early nineties.

Well, actually late eighties, early nineties, you know, they didn't

really know a lot about dyslexia back in them days, especially in the UK.

Uh, and they kind of put you in a corner and they kind of treated you very

differently, like extremely differently.

So immediately we had a stigma that.

We, we can't read and write properly.

Um, that was a stigma that was given to us.

And in some aspects, um, you kind of use that as a story that we tell ourselves.

And that's what I used for a very long time, a story that was given to me.

And then at the age of what was I 18 year old, I applied for a bar job, um, in.

In a small little town, and it was a professional bartending job.

So what I mean by that is that I had to learn how to, uh, chuck

bottles around like Tom Cruise from cocktail, you know, flow bartending.

It's called flow bartending.

Um, and all that type of kind of acting, but also in the

mix of that, I had to learn.

You had to learn 265 cocktails.

Off by heart with no book.

So you had to know every single one of them.

So you ordered a sex on the beach, you know exactly what was in it.

All the measurements, all the different liqueurs.

You ordered a woo woo, you knew exactly what was in that.

I mean, that's an easy one, but if you ordered like a, um, say, uh, a voodoo or

something like that, and I'm just naming some of the old cocktails that were

there right now, we needed to, you know, you needed to know them off by heart.

Part of this process was that you had to write every single one of them down.

In a test and then they were signed off and that was part of the deal.

So I remember going to this bar, um, in a small town called Wigan.

And I walk in the, uh, for the job interview and the job interview

was for a company called Maloney's.

They, they don't exist no more, um, in the UK.

Uh, and the bar was based on the bar Cheers, right?

So, you know, the square bar.

Um, so they were building this new bar in Wigan, which was.

Never been done before, and they were never, like, this whole kind of

concept was brand new for the time.

And I walk in there and you know, when you walk into a room and there's like,

like seven or eight other people around and you're all in this interview thing,

and they did this group interview, which I was like, okay, well, I didn't expect that

like, you know, and you know, when you get that feeling of like your heart going.

And they're telling you this, these stories about like, you

have to learn 265 cocktails.

You've got to do this test.

You've got to do this.

And I'm thinking,

right, okay, now I'm dyslexic.

Okay.

So I'm like, and you know, when you kind of get that really dry throat inside,

you know, you're not feeling of when you kind of get a little bit worked up

and you really kind of like notifying.

So I was like, said these words to myself was like, I'm going

to Why do I want this job?

And I'm like, because it's going to make me grow even into

a bigger, better human being.

And I, I'm going to, I'm going to be awesome at this job.

I know I'm going to be amazing.

And I want to chuck bottles around and I've been practicing for this.

And, and I'm like, cool.

Right.

So how do I do this?

And this is a conversation I was having in my head with myself.

And, and I was like, cool, you stand up and I'd never done this in my life ever.

And this was the one thing that, really started my acceleration

in me knowing that I am, I can do better than where I'm sat and where

I am, let's use the word chained.

If you're somebody feels like the chained or the stop, or they, they can't move

forward or the, you know, and they feel claustrophobic in, in, in a certain way.

I stood up and I was like, I'm Peter and I'm dyslexic.

And I was like, In my head I went, why do I follow that?

Then I was like, well, I'm into this and I've done this and I've done this

and then I just kind of reeled off.

And.

I kind of just got it straight out there and realized at that moment that

there is something else that, that's outside of, of being in our comfort zone.

And I'm going to use the word comfort zone because a lot of people that fear

that they can't get out of, you know, drugs and alcohol or, um, depression

or anxiety, or just stuck in a job or stuck in a bad relationship or

whatever it is, they feel stuck.

So, you know, just getting up and sometimes just going and saying for

me at that time was I'm dyslexic then kind of like, give me that catapult.

And, um, I went and got, we went and I got to the second part of the interview,

the second part of the interview was crazy, which I passed that as well.

So I was like, cool.

Got this in the bag.

And then I got a letter saying, sorry, you have not been successful.

And I was like, Right.

Okay.

Well, then the tears started coming down my face because I was like 18 year old

and I didn't really know how to deal with rejection that much at that age.

Um, cause I hadn't really been through that much of it at that point.

I'd been, Tied with this brush, but I hadn't been through real rejection.

And that was the first real time that I'd ever been really rejected in my

life of something I really wanted.

And then there was something inside of me that said, nah, nah, I'm not having this.

Nah.

So I rung the guy up who took the interview and I said, Hey, you know,

it's Peter Mather and he said, hello.

I said, um, I got a real quick question for you.

Why did I not get the job?

I want to know why I didn't get the job.

You didn't tell me in the letter.

And he said, it's because you're dyslexic and we don't think

you can read or write properly.

And we don't think you can get the job.

Done.

And I was like, cool.

So I then started crying even more.

And I was like, I don't agree with you entirely.

And there was a few choice words probably came out of my mouth at that point,

because I was 18 year old and I was upset.

And when you were upset, things just come out.

And he said, well, you know, maybe in the future, but we

don't think you're right for it.

So after I calmed down, I rung it back and I said this.

And this is where I knew I wasn't stuck.

And I think this is where, again, I'm going to reinforce this and say it again,

is that, you know, the path we believe we're on for, for, for a certain amount

of time, it's not always the path we need to stay on or choose to stay on, in fact.

Right.

We always have the opportunity to change the train tracks and pick a

better path, create a better path.

We are the creator of what our life, that's it.

There is only us that creates this.

And what I rung him back and I said, Hey, Paul, his name was Paul.

I said, Hey, Paul.

He said, Hey, Peter.

I said, how about this?

I come and work for you for one month for free of charge.

And I do all the stuff that is needed.

I'll do all the barbacking stuff and I'll learn all them cocktails and

you teach me how to be a bartender.

And after one month, if I've not passed you a little test that you

don't believe I'm going to pass, then I'll just leave and that'll be it.

But I'll do that for free of charge.

I'll work for one month free of charge.

And he was like, well, I was like, yep, I'll do it for free.

And that was the drive to get to the next level of that, you know, um, and he

gave me the job and he actually said to me, no, we can't let you do it for free.

And I was like, nope.

And I didn't take any money off him for a month.

What I didn't know is once I passed it in three weeks, um, believe

it or not, I became one of the, um, best bartenders for the time.

And until I found drugs, by the way, and we'll go into that in a minute.

Um, The, you know, they kept the money that I had behind in the first month

pay that I got, I got two months pay because it was a bonus for passing.

So, and it was just the, the whole kind of question I'll ask anybody out there right

now is, is there anything that still.

You really want to do, but you're self doubting yourself because of

the fact that you don't believe that that is a better choice.

And for me, that choice at that time was a great choice, but then it fell

into the drugs and then I became a.

18 and a half year old after being in that industry for quite some time.

Because I started in the bar industry when I was 15, I became a substance

abuse addict and I became a cocaine addict at 18 year old, well, 18 and

a half year old, nearly 19 year old.

I'd worked for that company for just over a year and a half when,

um, there or thereabouts a year and I was really getting into the

substances and then that snowballed and I went on and off, on and off.

Trying to get off it.

And, um, and then in the end I went through, um, I got into skydiving, believe

it or not, as well to stop the drugs.

And I really did.

And, you know, I, I got into skydiving to stop the drugs and right at the

beginning, it, it really worked because it was another focus, What

you focus on you will achieve.

So I focused on that job.

I achieved that job.

I ended up in the drug world.

I focused on skydiving.

I became a A world renowned skydiver representing Great Britain four

times, you know, and I focused on that massively and it became part of my life.

And then also in between that, I was struggling with the drugs again because

I didn't know how to open up about my feelings about what was going on

in my life and my, um, Self esteem problems, huge self esteem problems.

And I was doing all these things because I had huge self

esteem problems about who I was.

And then the drugs kind of took over.

I let the drugs take over, not, not the drugs taking over me.

Um, I had a heart attack at 21 from a cocaine overdose.

They brought me back to life.

You would have thought that would have changed the way it was.

And it did for a little bit.

I got into skydiving and then.

At the age of 36, uh, I attempted suicide twice, um, by trying

to drive a car off a cliff.

And at that point then, that's when I knew deep down in my soul

that there was a time to change.

And that was not for one minute am I suggesting anybody needs to go to that

amount of pain that I went through.

But I know there is people out there.

That are going through that pain right now, right now.

I know there's people out there that are going through that pain right now.

And all I can say to anybody that's listening to this you

know, talking about it to people that you maybe don't even know.

Or maybe you really do know is the first step to get in any sort of help

to change, because it's our choice.

It's all our choice.

It's no one else's choice.

It's inside our fence.

It's not outside of our fence.

It's always inside of our fence.

Now,

the other thing that.

I think is so powerful that we, we talked about earlier is, you know, it's

inside of our control to ask for help.

And sometimes we're in that position kind of like from a different

perspective, Peter, but it's like, I think back to, you know, when you were

at one of those points of, you And it was a phone call that came through.

We can be on the other side, just like that, you know, when you receive that call

and think something so small may not have that power, but the opposite is the truth.

We don't know what our so called small actions, what

impact they're going to have.

Do you mind kind of taking us back to

Peter John Mather: Not at all.

Not at all.

So I'll take you back to,

let's go all the way back.

Let's go all the way back to that moment.

November, 2020, I drove to Portugal and, uh, I made a commitment when I,

I drove to Portugal to go and see, at the time, my girlfriend, um, and she

had left me from the UK because I was heavily involved with taking drugs.

Um, and I drove over there and I got over there and I was like, now

I'm, I'm doing this and I'm clean.

I'm, I'm, I'm clean.

And I'd listened to the book, have you heard of the book called 'The Secret'?

Yes.

Peter John Mather: Okay.

So I listened to the book with secret on the way over and on the

way over there, I had this whole kind of like, woof, different emotions

coming through and I was like, right.

Okay.

And there was a day that.

We had, we had decided that we were going to try again.

So I was kind of on this high kind of level of vibration of, wow,

yeah, you know, this is great.

And then I turn up one day and I hand her a set of flowers and I could

feel the energy shift inside of her.

And she was like, I want to talk.

And I was like, cool.

So we walked down to the beach and as I was walking down to the

beach, I could smell the sea air.

Coming up and I could hear the seagulls just flying by

and all the birds flying by.

And then I could hear the waves crashing against the, um, the rocks.

And then I could feel the fresh air just breezing straight across my face.

And at this moment I was like, wow, this is insane.

I like heightened my senses.

And then we walked down to the beach and we.

I put my feet on the sand and I could just feel the warm sand through my feet.

And I was like, wow, this is kind of really insane.

This is the, the book.

The secret is like, it is insane.

Like this is wow.

And I was like, yes, life's going to be awesome.

And I was on a high.

I was like, I just, I've been clean at that point for two weeks or a

week and a half, something like that.

I felt great.

I was getting my girl back, you know, I was like, yes, this

is what I'm feeling inside.

I'm like, yeah.

And she sits down and she tells me immediately that she doesn't

want to be with me no more and she can't put up with it.

And

it was like my whole kind of life came crashing around me.

Uh, it was COVID.

Uh, I just bought a new business, the skydiving business.

Got into business with some people and we didn't know where,

when we were going to reopen.

We'd just gone into lockdown again in the UK.

So no one knew what was going on.

And my whole life from being on such a pumped high, no, came crashing

down in such a quick way that.

It just felt like someone had ripped my heart out and stamped on it and I was

like, wow, I don't even know what to do.

And you know, the moments where everybody always asks, are you okay?

You know, in that moment and tears were rolling down my face and the pain was just

Um, burglar born, you know, you'd have probably been through that Mike right?

Where, you know, the pain is just so unbearable that you

just don't even know what to do.

And I, uh, we walk back to the car and she said bye and I sat in the

car and it just started to cry.

I was like, you know, the secret, what a lot of rubbish that is.

Cause like I was doing all these affirmations for the last week driving,

saying that she was going to be with me.

And I was like, well, that didn't come true.

Did it, you know?

And then I was like, well, that's a lot of palaver.

And I just started creating all these stories that were

just coming out of my mouth.

And then I just said, you know what, what is the point of living?

What is the point?

I said, You know, no one wants me, not even her.

I don't even want myself.

I've just come clean for no reason.

What is it all about?

You know, and I visualized at that point, I sat there for a good five

or six minutes and I visualized myself driving off a cliff because

I thought, well, you know what?

If I jump off the cliff, I could survive, but if I go off at like 30 or 40 mile

an hour, then the car is pretty much with the windscreen going to at least

kind of do some serious damage that then I don't have a chance to survive.

And I visualized all of this and talked through all of it and

then said, right, here we go.

So I drove the car.

And I found a place to go and I was driving up on the grass and I got the

car and I was probably around about 300 yards maybe from the edge of

the cliff and I could see the actual kind of cliff coming up very slow.

Sorry, very, very fast, the edge and, you know, when your heart starts to pump

a lot more and you kind of get in your kind of moments of something's trying

to stop you and I was fighting it and, and all of a sudden the phone rang, the

phone rang in the car and I had a decision to make at that point where On the car,

it flashed up on the dash, like kind of the side where, you know, you have your,

um, um, satellite navigational system sat nav and it goes red or green, right?

You have a choice.

And I had a choice whether to pick a red button and decline it

or a green button and answer it.

And for some reason I pushed the green button and it was my

business partner and all he said to me is, are you okay, big man?

That was all he said.

And I broke down and started crying and believe it or not, he was the guy

that I would have never expected to be there for me at that time because he

was very, it was a, he was, he was a gentleman that was not in touch with

his, I'm going to call it feminine energy or, um, Like emotional state.

So when I was crying during the phone, all he could say to me was, well, it's okay,

like, you know, don't worry about it.

There's plenty more ladies out there.

And, and he was trying to make me laugh.

And then he said, you know, um, you own a skydiving center, so you're

going to be all right, buddy.

There's going to be loads of women.

And I was like, I know at that moment, I don't even think

he knew what he was saying.

I had a choice at that moment.

Whether to end it or change it.

And by picking the green button, I asked the question to so many people.

How many times have we just thought, you know what, I'll ring that person.

Oh no, you know what?

Nah, I'll not ring him.

You know, uh, you know what, I'll do that tomorrow or I'll start that tomorrow.

And ever since that day, the realization of that one phone call saved my life.

Now, maybe it was a gift from God.

Maybe it was a gift from the universe.

Maybe it was just him being and picking up the phone to see how actually I was.

Because we hadn't spoke for like two or three weeks, you know?

So I put the question out there to everybody.

Who is it that you haven't picked the phone up to and called?

Who is it?

That you have kept putting off.

What is it that you kept putting off each day?

What is it that you keep saying, I'll start it tomorrow?

Because tomorrow never comes.

And actually for me, tomorrow did actually come.

Because he did ring me and I did pick up that phone and I did say hello.

Well, I didn't really say hello.

I just cried and he said, how are you doing?

You know, and ask yourself this question, everybody.

And I asked this to you, Mike, as well.

What is it that you're putting off in your life and why?

And just write it down.

Take the moment to write it down about what is it that you're putting off in

your life right now, that you deep down in your soul know that you must change.

And you really want to change and then write the reason why you're

putting it off, because you'll find the reason is not even that big.

It is something so simple that you'll be like, is that it?

Is that actually it?

Is that all it is?

Because actually when we find the reason why we do things in life, that's what

gives us drive because it's never a how, it's never a do, it's always a why.

Find the why, you'll find the path.

Yeah, the amazing thing from that as well is when we look at

those things that are holding us back that we're, you know, maybe unaware of

consciously is that there is somebody usually that we know if we're willing

to reach out and ask for help, it's like, Nothing to them, whereas for us,

we've made it into this mountain and, uh, you know, it's, it's unscalable

almost, but there's somebody that it's like, would love to help us with it.

We just, as guys have to get to that point of, Hey, Peter, I need help with this.

Do you, are you, are you up for it?

Does this sound like something you'd be interested in?

And nine times out of 10 guys are going to like be, Hey, yeah, you

know, I may not be able to get to it now, but let's schedule something.

Let's get it done.

Peter John Mather: Just a call.

Um, exactly.

Peter John Mather: And it, and it's just one of them things where people,

um, you know, guys, especially, I'm going to talk about men for a second.

And I, I saw a whole women are listening out there, by the way.

Um, But men are, men are less likely to ask for help than females.

And that's actual fact.

That's actually fact.

But actually it's men that need help more than women.

Because there is way more men in need.

Because men actually just kind of go, Hey Mike, um, I got this problem.

And you go, okay, how do we fix it?

And actually that's not what we want to hear.

Um, we don't want that.

You know, we want to go, Hey Mike, I got this problem with such and such a thing.

And I'd really like your opinion or your belief or just really like your

help on this, please, because I'm not in a great place right now and

I'm not having a great day or not.

In fact, I'm not having a great month and just understanding that it's

okay to say them words as a male.

Especially, again, I'm sorry out there, ladies, but I'm just

talking to the men out there.

It's so important to just ask that.

So if anybody is out there that, you know, wants to, and I'll put this out there

as well to everybody that's listening.

If anybody just wants to drop me a message on Instagram.

Peter John Mather, 1984, um, you know, find me on Facebook, Peter Mather, Peter

John Mather again, um, you know, you'll see a picture of me and my beautiful, uh,

wife, Ash, um, as Simpsons characters, um, and then just drop me a message

and I'm more than happy to talk to you anyway, just to see how you are.

Send a message and I, I'm not going to talk for my book, I believe

that maybe Maybe okay for it

a hundred percent.

Yeah, they can reach out to Peter to talk to

Peter John Mather: me.

No.

Yes

No, yes, that's a hundred percent and Peter I'll have

the links to your socials in the show notes So, you know if somebody's like

yes, I want to connect with Peter.

They'll be able to to do that as well there

Peter John Mather: And I want to share one more thing with you, Mike, if

you don't mind as well to finish on a real kind of, I mean, you've more

than likely got more questions and I hope for you guys and girls that I can

come back on the show in the future.

Definitely love to, um, is when I ask this question and I'm going to ask

this question to you and please reply to it, you know, and this is what I

always make an agreement to myself is when I ask, how are you today?

So, Mike, how are you today?

Doing great, man.

Peter John Mather: Cool.

I really am prepared to listen to the worst.

I'm really prepared.

And when I asked the question, it's a meaningful question

about how are you today means, please tell me whatever it is.

Cause I ain't going to brush it off.

You know, I ain't going to brush it off.

So there's, if there's one thing I can give anybody out there that wants

to help people, because me speaking to you right now is helping me.

And, uh, and you speaking to me is helping you, right.

And vice versa for the rest of the world is when you ask someone

earlier, really be prepared to sit down and see really earlier,

you know?

And it's being intentional.

I think there's, there's a realization of who you can do that with.

Um, because I made the mistake before, you know, before, when I was

first beginning to do this of just.

Telling anybody and everybody you're prepared, Peter, not everybody else.

Peter John Mather: That's true.

And so it was kind of like I did them a disservice at that

time at that point, but it's like.

Building that community, that circle of people around us who are asking

us, you know, having like a Peter where it's like, Peter, dude, I am

struggling and here's what's going on.

Just like, you know, you broke down when you got that call, being able to be Real

and honest about what's going on with somebody, I think is vital for us rather

than just trying to medicate it, mask it, hide it, whatever we're going to do

until it becomes this bomb that explodes and nobody, you know, is prepared for it.

Um, I think just having, you know, men around us in particular, that it's

like, Hey, I'm, I'm ready to be here.

And conversely being ready to be there.

Like if you called me, Peter, Hey Mike, this is what's going on.

Being ready to, to, to be there and stand shoulder to shoulder.

Um, yeah.

You know, take stuff on.

I think that's vital for us.

And unfortunately, it's just like those, those small actions that we

talked about earlier, we don't give it enough value for what actually it

does hold as importance in our life.

Peter John Mather: It always, it's huge for me.

It's like I say, I mean, if it wasn't for that one phone

call, um, I wouldn't be in it.

The things that people think are the smallest things are normally

the biggest things in the world, you know, uh, just for like, and there's

a lot of things that are very small in life that we all create big things.

So stomping my toe in the morning, it's not a big thing, but a lot of

people make it a big thing, you know, or scratching our car on accident.

It's not a real big thing, but people make it a big thing, you know, but

the thing that picking up the phone that everybody thinks is not a

big thing actually is a big thing.

And

it's, it's, it's one of those of like, think about you do

stub your toe in the morning, Making that choice to let that determine

how our day goes, man, we can.

Make the choice of giving power to the wrong stuff and, you know, misaligning

what we should focus on and what we should be doing, but it's a matter of

choosing what does that have the power and then taking those kind of actions

and, and like you talked about having that vision, that perspective, that

attitude and demeanor, um, that does set things in a different way, rather

than focusing on the drama that's going around that distracts and sends

us on a, You know, a downward spiral.

Mm-Hmm, . Well, let's, let's take this one, Peter.

There is a ton more we want to talk about.

I think we need to do that on another time.

But let's finish this one out.

How can guys connect with you outside of the podcast?

Is, is Instagram the best?

Like you Yeah.

Instagram shared

Peter John Mather: earlier, whichever it is.

You know, think Instagram or Facebook, um, is Peter John Mather on Facebook.

PeterJohnMather1984 on Instagram.

Uh, yeah.

There's, there's a two places that people can contact me on if they want

to contact me and, you know, uh, add me.

And then I do, um, once every two weeks, I probably do a daily, uh, kind of

podcast thing, just as an inspiring thing.

I may ask a question and I'm going to ask you this question at the end as well.

Um, so yeah, that's how you can contact me.

Getting contacts.

If you really want to

awesome.

Well, Peter, I appreciate it.

Thank you so much for, for joining and sharing the encouragement that, Hey,

where we are today is not like final, that we do have the power between like, you

talked about the green and the red button.

We have power in our decisions and our choices and, uh, our perspective as well,

man, that, that is so, so impactful.

In our day to day, hour to hour, um, just being intentional there.

So Peter, I totally appreciate you coming and sharing all that stuff and, uh, look

forward to having you on again, my friend.

Peter John Mather: Thank you, buddy.