Shownotes
In this episode of The Soul Mirror podcast, hosted by Sayan, Catherine Crestani shares a deeply honest conversation about losing yourself in achievement, relationships, and expectations—and finding your way back.
This episode is for anyone feeling disconnected, stuck in high-performance cycles, or quietly questioning their path. You’ll walk away with a clearer understanding of alignment, the courage it takes to rebuild your life, and why loneliness can be a powerful space for growth—not something to escape.
About the Guest:
Catherine Crestani is an author, contributor to brands magazines, and former speech therapist with nearly 20 years of experience. She is the author of My Virtual Obsession and founder of Willow Healing.
Episode Chapter:
00:00 – Introduction to inner misalignment
02:10 – The cost of being an overachiever
04:30 – Losing identity in relationships
08:50 – Loneliness and personal growth
12:00 – Outgrowing people and patterns
15:00 – Finding your aligned tribe
17:30 – Choosing courage over comfort
Key Takeaways:
- Misalignment often hides behind outward success
- High achievement can disconnect you from yourself
- Loneliness can be a gateway to clarity and growth
- Outgrowing people is natural, not failure
- Your energy is your most valuable currency
How to Connect With the Guest:
Website: WillowHealing.org
Instagram: @willowhealingsh
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Transcripts
00:00:08 Sayan: Welcome to the Soul Mirror podcast, the space where we look at the patterns running underneath our lives and ask the more harder and honest questions about who we have become. Amir-hossein, as some of you would know, and today's conversation is one that I went into with a fair amount of curiosity, because I think the topic isn't usually framed in a way that I personally connect with. But our guest brings something to it that I think a lot of people, including the more skeptic, um, are going to find genuinely useful. Our guest today is Catherine Crestani, an author, a brands magazine contributor, and the author of the novel My Virtual Obsession. Importantly, she spent nearly twenty years as a speech therapist before this work, which gives her a deeply practical lens on communication behavior and the internal patterns that shape how we experience our lives. She's also worked the divorce, business collapse and a complete reinvention of her own identity. So I invite you all to join me on this conversation where we are going to talk about realizing that you have been living out of alignment and how to pull it all back together and go towards the right direction. So, Catherine, welcome to the show. It's an honor to have you here with me again and hoping to make a great God of it.
00:01:27 Catherine Crestani: you. I'm excited to see where this conversation goes.
00:01:30 Sayan: Absolutely. Same here. So a little disclaimer for all the listeners that some statements may reflect personal belief and experiences and are presented as individual views and not medical advice. Listeners should consult qualified professionals for any medical condition.
00:01:46 Sayan: So with that being said, Catherine, before, obviously we go into the bigger picture. I want to start with, you know, something more concrete. So twenty years as a speech therapist, then a divorce. So, um, you know, the actual moment in and out a lot been happening. So when, when you first realized something fundamental in how you were living wasn't working anymore, can you take us back into that? And, you know, uh, talk a little bit about that version of yourself.
00:02:13 Catherine Crestani: Yeah. So, Um, I guess I always had big aspirations. I was never going to play. I never came into this life to play it small. Right? So but I was always the overachiever as well. I was the one that had to have straight A's. And if I didn't come first in something, I was disappointed in myself. Even if I got ninety eight percent right, I wanted one hundred. Yeah. You resonate with that.
00:02:38 Sayan: Um, yeah.
00:02:38 Catherine Crestani: And, and so that was my life through school. And also if someone told me I couldn't do something, I wanted to prove them wrong. Now, this is a amazing thing, but also can be very detrimental if it's not in alignment with what you're meant to be doing. So even when I met my ex husband, we were still in high school and he actually moved states and people told us we should break up and we're like, no, we'll prove you wrong. You know, in hindsight, maybe we should have broken up, but that's okay. We I went through that experience. So, you know, he moved back, we got married quite young and everything seemed fine on the outside. You know, I got offered part of my business partnership that was growing. But what I tended to find was I started to give away pieces of myself. So. To the point I didn't even recognize who I was. So a beautiful example is I stopped. I used to love music, so I used to. Well, I still do love music, but I used to make like my friends, like CD mix tapes. I'm going back showing my age here, but I used to like download songs for them and put them on CDs, and they'd take them on road trips and they'd be like, oh my goodness, that song. Where did it come from? And I just had this knack of finding the right music for people, and I loved doing it. And then when I started dating my ex, I think I read this article or something. It's like, oh, you know, the thing that keeps relationships together is shared interests. So I started giving up all my interests to honor his interests, which included music. And I started listening to music I hate like, I don't like heavy metal. I don't like rock and roll, like rock music. I, I don't mind some of them, you know, but it's not my, it's not where I love like I very eclectic taste. And so I found that I was giving away these parts, but it was other behaviors too. Like I was staying later and later at work. And it was really easy when you own your own business, even a partnership to come up with excuses of why you have to stay late. Yeah, you can stay later, right? So I.
00:04:41 Sayan: Was, yeah.
00:04:41 Catherine Crestani: Being at home and it was when I was driving home one evening with a friend and he put this music on because he was a producer, he's like, hey, do you like this song? And I was like, I've never heard it. And he's like, what? What about this one? And he goes, what radio station do you even listen to? And I told him, and he goes, I don't know who you are anymore. And so I looked back at him and I went, I don't know who I am either. And it was just that one off handed comment from someone that you know. And it wasn't that we don't change and grow. It was that I become such a shell of myself. And then when I started to notice my behaviors and realize how unhappy I really was. I was crying in the shower every morning. You know, I was so depressed. But on the outside, everyone thought it looked fine. And this is where you have to come back to what you feel. Because when I left my marriage, a lot of people were shocked. They couldn't believe it. They're like, oh, but you had everything. You had the house and you had the business and you got married young. You had the happily ever after. I'm like, but it wasn't happily ever after. You know, it wasn't anything my ex did. But there's that saying, you grow together or you grow apart. So once that was sorted, once that was sorted, that area of my life was sorted. Then my business partnership fell apart because suddenly I could see how I was giving myself away to that as well. And then I'd already built up my own company in the background as well. And that was fine. Until it wasn't because I never felt fulfilled. I was always yearning and looking for something else. And for me, I would throw myself into learning different things, but it never made me fill up my cup. And it was truly when my business started to fall apart that it made me reflect on where do I want to step into next in life and how can I exit this? And I'm not going to lie, it takes a lot of courage to blow up your life because that's essentially what you're doing. You know, you're married, you're gonna essentially detonate that bomb and you have to step out of it. You know, you're in a business partnership. It's not working for you. You have to find a way to get out of it. Your company's not working. You have to get out of it, find another way to make money. And it always takes this courage and this strength to actually do that, too.
00:06:56 Sayan: Yeah. I mean, there's something about high achievers, uh, me being, uh, or I consider myself a high achiever. So, um, there's always this hustle, this grind, uh, and it's, it's not necessarily in a bad way, but, you know, in a, in an, uh, like I look up to it. Right. Um, and if I, I am not able to be productive for a day, then, then comes the guilt, then comes the shame. Um, so there's nothing wrong with that. I think, uh, you know, I specifically relate to the part where you said that, you know, no matter what you, what you did or what you do right now, you always look to be the best, right? So I think that competitiveness that, uh, you know, that trait of being a high achiever and classifying yourself as one does come with a lot of cost, really. Katherine. Right. Um, and, and, and one of them being, I think, and this is something that I would want my listeners to take away with is, is that I think real growth happens in isolation. All right. I'll say that again. Real growth happens in isolation. And, and, um, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Like people are scared of being isolated. Like I just take your example, right? So when, when, uh, your, your boyfriend moved out to the States, right? So my or how I like to see it is that people always are changing. You know, at this point people are changing. People are changing at their own pace, right at their own flow. And, and so when, when you're with a person, really, it's like, it's more like you are growing with them, but when they are not with you, you don't know at what pace they are really navigating through. Right? So it's this is this beautiful change of, uh, I would say state or you call it, uh, entropy in thermodynamics, more specifically, it's concept of physics, right? So I think, I think I, I could, I could relate that to life and, and it's always moving, it's always dynamic. And, and, and so you gotta embrace that. And, and yeah, like, just, just try to be a better version of yourself than you were yesterday, which could only happen once you are in that isolated environment. And I'm not really saying that, you know, you isolate yourself from friends, your families, your, you know, get togethers, whatever, you keep that. But I think that's really more of a deeper, introspective conversation. Rather so curious to know your thoughts on that.
00:09:13 Catherine Crestani: Well, it's funny because when I got divorced, it was like all my friends thought they would catch it because I lost all my friends. And it wasn't even that they were, um, my ex husband's friends. It's because when you go through a relationship breakdown like that, especially divorce, a lot of people get insecure because it's reflecting insecurities in their own relationship. So instead of being around you and sitting in the uncomfortable, they avoid it because they don't want to see that reflection of them. And I love this. It's called a Soul mirror podcast, right? Because often things that happen around us are a reflection. If we're triggered by it, then that is often there's something inside us that needs addressing, right? So this is where you can learn to be more alignment with yourself. Um, but it is there is this deep fear of loneliness these days. Like, I don't want to be lonely, but you're never fully alone, you know? But at the same time, it's in those moments when you're alone with yourself that you are allowed to go deeper, that you can, you know, ask the questions that you've been avoiding. And like you brought up, you know, as a high achiever, I had to learn to be imperfect, you know? So I used to run masterclasses called Perfectly Imperfect and I am enough. And yes, it's about worth and that sort of thing. But at the same time, life isn't perfect. It's messy. When you become a parent like I did, you just have to accept that the perfect routine and day that you had planned can be upended by your two year old having a massive tantrum. You know, this is where, you know, life can reflect that back to you. And as a parent, you need those alone moments too, because you are constantly giving, giving, giving, giving that you need that chance to breathe. So a lot of the time, exactly like you said, people in that loneliness state, they try and avoid it. And this is where addictions can come in because they want to numb the feelings that they're having. This is where we get stuck, sucked into doomscrolling Netflix bingeing. And there's nothing wrong with those things. If you just use it as a little thing to reset or tune out. But if you're using it as a way to avoid having awkward conversations with yourself or avoiding things in your life that are possibly draining you or not making you happy and happiness is a state. I'm not saying we have to be happy all the time, but for me, like if I'm not feeling that peace, I want to know why. You know what is disturbing my peace? Why am I not feeling like myself in that moment? And where can I go deeper there? I'm the person that runs towards that because of that high achiever status, right? I'm like, I want to find out what's going on. I want to know. Whereas a lot of people will avoid that. And that's okay too, until it's not.
00:12:02 Sayan: Yeah. I mean, you know, I, I'll just put forth a different perspective, uh, to what you said. And I think, you know, we came into this life with nothing, right? Um, with absolutely nothing. And, and we will go out of it with nothing as well. Right. Um, so, so I think, I think, uh, you know, it's the same analogy as a season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. So I think it's more about how you normalize, uh, being lonely. And, and I think what you said, uh, Catherine, is that a lot of people take this opportunity of getting into substance abuse or getting any kind of, you know, addiction or whatever. Is that right to numb the feelings? Now, a person who searches for truth, you know, will have it, will have it the most raw, raw, rawest way, if that's even a word, uh, possible, right? Because I think there's a lot to really, you know, peel off that onion layer. And by onion I mean like you as I mean, you are the metaphor for that. So yeah, that's, that's what I think. I think it's about how you normalize loneliness. And I think, you know, real growth, again, I'll say it again, real growth. I think it happens under certain circumstances of isolation. And, you know, if you if you just have this vision, not vision, vision would be the wrong word. If you have this idea of, you know, just getting everyone around you, you know, to wherever you go, I think, yeah, I mean, maybe you would do good, but you would not do the best because I think what high achievers have been doing, Catherine, is that a lot of high achievers, you would see they're loners, you know, they are the lone wolf. And, and I think I think that is one fundamental, one fundamental reason why they achieve so much in their life. So of course, that would come at a sacrifice. But I'm not really saying to, you know, uh, like cut off your friends families. Uh, definitely like, uh, you would have to search for that truth and your people and, you know, be aligned with your core values and people who are aligned with your core values as well. You need to find that perfect boundary. But what I'm really saying is that, you know, we gotta, we gotta normalize this. So curious to know your thoughts on that.
00:14:16 Catherine Crestani: Yeah, yeah, it's really interesting because I find it hard to keep friends and it's not. And I think it's partially someone once said to me, and I love this. People come into your life for a reason, a season, a cycle or a lifetime. And, um, and it's interesting because I've outgrown a lot of people because I kept stepping into higher. Yeah.
00:14:37 Sayan: And there's nothing wrong about it. Catherine. Yeah. Right.
00:14:39 Catherine Crestani: Yeah.
00:14:40 Sayan: There's nothing wrong.
00:14:41 Catherine Crestani: No, there's nothing wrong with that. And I guess it's when you start to use that to measure your worth that it becomes an issue, right? Because it's like, right, no one likes me. Why doesn't anyone like me? Then it becomes an issue. But at the same time, I asked this person I was working with a question and I said, why? Why can't I keep friends? Or like, why do the friends I have why, you know, like, I really just want to go out.
00:15:06 Sayan: For.
00:15:06 Catherine Crestani: A cup of coffee with somebody, right? And she said, sometimes we have to detach from relationships. Otherwise they anchor us and stop us from going the next place we need to go. So that could be why high achievers can be such loners. But at the same time, you just find a new tribe. I call them, you know, your tribe, because I just find like put myself in different spaces. Okay, I've outgrown this one. Where else can I go? And we're very fortunate to be in a time where you can connect with people online as well, like through my podcast, I've met so many amazing people and I can have different conversations to them, to those that were around me at the time. And that kept me sane. Because sometimes when you're doing higher level work or you're, you know, if people don't get what you're doing, it's really hard to have conversations, especially when you're not one for small talk. I am not one for small talk. I will not talk to you about the weather. I will challenge you about the weather. I will not talk to you about the weather. You know, this is where you know it comes to. Who do you surround yourself with? And I can't remember the study, but it's like, I think it's fifty or sixty percent. You know, of who you are comes from who you surround yourself with, what you listen to, what you put in your field, like what you watch on TV, you know, choose, be strategic to choose who you commit your time to, your time and your energy. Your energy is your greatest currency. So what are you putting energy into? You know, if you want to be alone, that's fine. I have moments. I want to be a hermit. It's in my human design chart and everything like that, right? Like, I like being a hermit. I like being at home. You know, I want to I like having, but I also like having powerful conversations. I went out for coffee the other week with somebody. Turns out we both had the same vision for what we want to create, you know? So it was amazing because I knew I had to meet you for a reason. I said, this has been the best, you know, coffee date I've been on in a long time because it was someone that was sharing my values and my ideas for the future as well. And exactly what you mentioned earlier, say they're the people you want to surround yourself with, the ones.
00:17:14 Sayan: That.
00:17:15 Catherine Crestani: Share your values, that share your ideas because you can grow together, you know, and even if it's not your partner, that's okay. Your part, as long as your partner lets you grow and support you in that and let you fly, then that's fine. If you're not growing together like that, then that is where you might start to look at where am I avoiding areas of my life by replacing it with other behaviors?
00:17:42 Sayan: Wow. Beautiful. There's the there's a lot of things that you said right there, Catherine, and I think that's perhaps the best note to wrap this up on. So what I would suggest for all the listeners and something that really, I would say it. It pierced my heart is that, you know, you realize at a certain time that even you are growing, you know, you are constantly growing. And it's, it's all really a dynamic environment and you're changing your tribe, which you said. So I think it's very important to note that your friend circles even, I mean, your friends are, are not, uh, very constant in the, in that nature, you know, people who, uh, maybe will outgrow you or you will outgrow them. They'll never stay the same. So the yearning that, you know, you have got friends. But again, if you are a high achiever, then you would, you know, have this vision to really outgrow yourself. And in that process, you would meet new people, you would have new ideas, you, you would have new ideologies. So, so I think that's what I would like all my listeners to sit with today is that the, the very idea of constant, you know, that's, that's something that, um, we shouldn't normalize. Right? Because I think that is where the real hurt or, you know, um, kind of addiction and these things usually kick in. So that is what I would like all of my listeners to sit with and ponder about as we wrap this up. But Catherine, this was, I think, a brilliant, honest take, uh, something slightly different than what we talked about last time for sure. So people who are listening to this right now, who actually resonated with what we just talked about. And before we close, I want to ask that, you know, for listeners who, uh, really appreciate this conversation and wants to get in touch with you, follow your work, read your novel, uh, which is on the virtual obsession or learn more about what you do at Willow Healing. Where's the best place for you for them to find you at?
00:19:39 Catherine Crestani: Thank you. Sam. So the best place is my website, which is Willow healing dot org. Or you can check me out on Instagram. I'm on there a lot. My handle is Willow Healing s h. And no, I don't sit there and in doom scroll like, get on and get off.
00:19:56 Sayan: Yeah, I have a lot of respect for content creators. So yeah, definitely me being one of them. So folks, I'll have that in the show notes so that you can easily find Catherine. And yeah, with that, I think, uh, we have said enough from our side and, uh, now it's time for you to sit with these thoughts and emotions and perhaps look at your inner self and see, um, you know, where's your life lately been taking you and what is that you need to course. Correct. So this has been the soul mirror folks, and this has been signed. And uh, one last thing. Be honest with yourself, folks. Uh, just be very clear and we'll be here when you come back. So till then, take care of yourself.
