Show notes

Exploring Sexual Minimalism: A Middle Path to Flourishing

This episode introduces the concept of sexual minimalism, positioning it as a middle ground between indulgence and repression of sexual desire. It discusses minimalism in the context of material possessions and online activities before delving into sexual minimalism. The approach emphasizes intentional engagement with sexual desire, aiming for simplicity, service, and holistic flourishing within a biblical worldview. Sexual minimalism is portrayed as a way to declutter the mind, improve relational intimacy, and foster discipline across life's aspects. The script includes practical questions for reflection on sexual minimalism's challenges and the beliefs that must be relinquished to embrace it. Key quotes from Apostle Paul and Thomas Chalmers underscore the discussion's moral and spiritual dimensions.

00:00 Introduction to Minimalism and Its Variants

00:55 Unveiling Sexual Minimalism: A New Philosophy

01:02 The Extremes of Sexual Desire: Control vs. Indulgence

01:58 The Essence and Principles of Sexual Minimalism

02:29 The Biblical Roots of Sexual Minimalism

03:05 The Benefits of Embracing Sexual Minimalism

03:47 Inspirational Quotes on Desire and Discipline

04:55 Reflective Questions and Conclusion

About Josh Kalsbeek, LMFT

• As a Psychoherapist Josh helps people overcome their greatest struggles.

•Founder and CEO of Great Oaks Collective, and it's flagship program Overcome, a 10-Week virtual Intensive Outpatient Program for Christian couples experiencing sexual betrayal and addiction. www.greatoakscollective.com. 

• Sign up to receive Josh's weekly email newsletter, Words of Wisdom. ​

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Links

The Expulsive Power of a New Affection, by Thomas Chalmers

Cal Newport, ​Digital Minimalism

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Words of Wisdom 127 Minimalism The modern world is hyper focused

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on things, technology, and sex.

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Sex is perhaps the least

popular to constrain.

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Minimalism is an approach that seeks

simplicity and intentionality with

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physical objects to avoid an over

attachment to the physical world so

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you can get the most out of life.

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Digital minimalism is,

according to Cal Newport, a,

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"Philosophy of technology use in

which you focus your online time on

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a small number of carefully selected

and optimized activities that strongly

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support things you value, and then

happily miss out on everything else."

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Today, I'm introducing what

I call sexual minimalism.

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I've become convinced that we

need a philosophy for our sexual

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desire in order to flourish.

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On one end of the extreme, people say

that desire is bad, that it should

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be avoided, shut down, or shamed.

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This is often an attempt

to control in some way.

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Either a desire to control

yourself in order to avoid pain.

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Or a desire to control others

because of lust for power or an

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overly simplistic view of sex.

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On the other end of the

extreme is indulgence.

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In this view, people say that desire

is good, that it should be celebrated

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and prioritized, and that you should do

whatever you want, whenever you want,

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as long as it doesn't harm someone else.

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Close to this view is those that fancy

themselves modern by pointing out that

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desire is merely an appetite, that we

are no more than biological creatures

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who have ingrained sexual appetites and

that they can be fed however we please.

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Sexual minimalism lies in the middle,

saying sexual desire is both incredibly

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good and incredibly powerful and

can be delightful or dangerous.

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Sexual minimalism says desire

is a doorway and should be

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carefully watched and mastered.

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Sexual minimalism focuses

on simplicity and service.

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saying yes to desire so long as

it serves yourself and your spouse

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and brings holistic flourishing.

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Sexual minimalism is rooted in a biblical

worldview that states that we belong

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to the kingdom of God and in that

kingdom our bodies are not our own.

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God created us and invites us to

the flourishing life in which sexual

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desire is a wonderful citizen, but

neither king, queen, nor slave.

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Our sexual desire is not in a

vacuum to our other values and

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fits in a constellation of choices.

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Sexual minimalism asks, Is this

the best way to use my mind

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and body that fits my values?

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Benefits.

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Sexual minimalism helps

you declutter your mind.

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If you are too focused on sexual

desire, it will hijack your brain and

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prevent you from being deeply present.

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Pornography, for example, is

damaging and destroys your brain.

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Freeing yourself from sexual

desire frees you to love well.

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Until you can experience sexual

minimalism, you will have a low

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capacity for relational intimacy.

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Freeing yourself from selfish sexual

desire also empowers you to live well.

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Discipline in one area requires and leads

to discipline and freedom in other areas.

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Quotes "All things are lawful for me.

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But not all things are helpful.

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All things are lawful for me, but I

will not be dominated by anything."

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The Apostle Paul in 1

Corinthians 6: 19 20.

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There are two ways in which a practical

moralist may attempt to displace from

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the human heart its love of the world.

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Either one . By a demonstration of

the world's vanity such that the

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heart will be prevailed upon to

simply withdraw its regard from an

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object that is not worthy of it.

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Or two, by proposing another

object, even God, as more worthy

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of its attachment, such that the

heart will be prevailed upon.

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Not simply to quit an old affection, which

would have nothing to succeed it, but to

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exchange an old affection for a new one.

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By Thomas Chalmers, the Scottish preacher

who inspired William Wilberforce.

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In his sermon, the Expulsive

Power of a New Affection.

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Questions.

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What is the most difficult aspect

of sexual minimalism to accept?

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What lies or stories must you surrender

in order to grow in sexual minimalism?

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Use these questions as a journal prompt

and to guide your prayers this week.

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End Notes The narrow way of

sexual minimalism brings freedom.

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Live wisely, Josh.