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How to Triumph over Trauma from a Controlling Covert Narcissist
Episode 9511th October 2022 • Empath And the Narcissist: Spiritual Healing with Human Design from Narcissistic Abuse & PTSD • Raven Scott
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"We have a tendency to overlook the flaws and when we see certain things we think that we're tripping. You know, we're overthinking it, we're messing up a good thing, we're sabotaging it.
But in reality, our good instincts trying to warn us to let us know something's not right here. You need to pay attention.

How narcissist treat their child (or unborn child) is heartless and cold. In this episode you will learn about controlling covert narcissism, how selfish they can be, and how to find your strength to rise up and triumph over trauma without the narcissist in your life.

Today I share a conversation with Zemiyrah Davis, she is the founder and organizer of theTrauma 2 Triumph Summit, with So Divine Enterprises LLC. As a single mom to 5 children and Narcissist Survivor, Zemiyrah has been challenged with trying to figure out how to have it all while continuing to work on her healing: She runs her coaching business while making time for her baby and family.

Follow on Instagram: @ravenscottshow @zemiyrahdavis

DM me "free gift"

Here are some key moments:

  • The patriarch programs in girls to be women to look the other way from abuse.
  • Covert narcissism
  • When not educated on healthy relationship you are dating in the blind.
  • You are stuck
  • There is hope
  • You can heal through community, the virtual summit, and workshop

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Transcripts

How triumph over trauma

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Well, the answer is the narcissist, their games. And there. Conniving manipulation to keep you trapped in their dark vortex.

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. I am your host, Raven Scott, your go-to narcissist abuse recovery coach.

This is episode

95, how to triumph over trauma with Samira Davis.

But there is hope at last. There is an opportunity. To find the rainbow at the end of the storm. To find the light at the end of the tunnel. And to step out over the dark abyss.

In faith. Uh, step onto the invisible bridge. That is you. Your strength. And your light. And it is possible to recover from. , these difficult times. And hope is on the horizon. Things will get better. It is important to rest. It is important to revitalize and surround yourself with joyful friends.

With a lifeline. Out of the toxic relationship that you are stuck in.

is episode is all about this [:

And to unleash your inner goddess that is within you. And that's what you need. You need this extremely high energy of hope. And strength. And light. It's in you, you just need to let the lid off and rise up.

This is a fertile time for you. And this is why we have the trauma to triumph.

Virtual. Summit available to you for free, and you can have the whole library VIP for only $75. And this is another time to embark on a new journey and dive into the workshop, how to leave the narcissist workshop. Grab it shopPage@ravenscottshow.com forward slash shop. Dive into this journey.

This is thrilling. It may seem scary, like I said, at giant abyss, but you have the power, you have the magic inside of you. to step out and have that bridge appear one step at a time for you to travel across the dark abyss. This is your opportunity. To get free, to be inspired, to be empowered and to expand as your soul. This is the time for all souls, expansions, and your specifically is ready to expand into a life without the narcissist.

you say and all the things. [:

DM-ing me or go onto my website, sign up to the newsletter. To get the free, how to set powerful boundaries workshop, and then dive even deeper in purchase the how to leave the narcissist workshop on the shop. So I'm sharing with you a beautiful conversation with the creator. And host of trauma to triumph.

Virtual summit.

Zemiyrah Davis.

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It is not a substitute for professional therapy.

If you are enjoying this podcast, subscribe. And leave a rate and review

This episode is sponsored by better help.

If you think you might be feeling depressed, stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, today's sponsor better help is here to help. better help offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help you. It allows you to talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience, with a broad range of expertise and better helps 20,000 plus therapists network.

It will give you access to help that you need that may not be available in your area. finding a therapist is easy. You just fill out the questionnaire to help assess your specific needs. And then you get matched with the therapist in under 48 hours. Everything you share is completely confidential in therapy.

and mentor that I am today, [:

I gained my sense of self autonomy back my power back and my confidence back. Join the 3 million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experience better health therapist. Get 10% off your first month@betterhelp.com slash empath. That's better. H E L p.com/e M P a T H in the link in the show notes. Zemiryah is beautiful. She's wonderful.

AM to:

Pacific time. And the link in the show notes. This is for men and women who wish to break free from the grasp of the narcissist manipulation. And abuse. If you are wishing to release codependency gaslighting and to rise up and regain your life sparkle back. And we're going to go through her story today on the episode, we're going to go through what is jam packed full in this virtual summit?

And I can't wait to see you there at the summit. And have you listened to this episode? And share with me your feedback. Remember to rate and review the podcast. If you are enjoying it, as well as take a screenshot and connect with us, the guest and myself at Raven Scott show on Instagram, add it to your stories to that.

We can connect and I can hear how this impacted you. So let's dive into the conversation

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We'll put the links to all of them in this show note so you can see like how incredible this summit is going to be. But yeah, so empaths, This is gonna be a treat. So I'm so excited to be speaking at it and hosting a mini meditation. So, Zira, tell us a bit about your backstory.

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However, my last relationship was the ice on the cake. It was pretty much, I would say changed the trajectory of my life because had I, had it not happened, I probably would've just continued to stay in that relationship and, you know, just continued to deal with the subtle abuse. Cause it wasn't, uh, overt.

It was kind of very subtle. But the incident that happened was very overt . So, So tell us

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Were they like super controlling or what was kind of their

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You know, kind of say to itself, not really much of a super talker or, you know, flirtatious. I try to stay away from that most of the time. So, didn't realize though that, you know, I didn't realize, First of all, I didn't realize there was anything called narcissism and much less covert narcissism. So I was just kind of dating in the blind , you know?

Yeah. When you're in

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Exactly. So it was like, you know, I'm like, you know, now it's like a whole new world has opened up for me. But before I was just dating who I thought I was compatible with. You know who I thought I had some type of connection with. There were moments where I would see certain red flags, but I kind of looked at it as like, Oh, you know, nobody's perfect.

You know? You know, we have a tendency to do that, especially as women, you know, it's not, you know, not to leave out anyone, but as women in particular, we have a tendency to really overlook flaws to when we see certain things. Kind of think that we're tripping. You know, we're overthinking it, we're messing up a good thing, we're sabotaging.

But in reality, our good instincts trying to warn us to let us know something's not right here, . You need to pay attention.

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And I was just watching a romantic like. It wasn't even a rom comment, it was just a romantic movie on Netflix. And I really enjoy them. I love 'em. Like especially on Christmas season. And then all of a sudden it like came on and I was like, Oh, I know this actress. And then as I'm watching, I'm like, Why does she have the problems?

Like why does she have to fall in love with this? Like I have it all together with it, like perfect body man. Like, what the heck? Like this programming is insidious. It is like you know nothing. I know everything as the man and it's. Is men toxic culture, Not like male, but like the men toxic culture. Mm-hmm.

and it's, it's preached and teached and like just subconsciously put in our brains ever since we're little and yeah. So I completely understand how. We all think like, Oh, that's just how they are. Right, exactly. Like that's just how men are.

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Whereas men are less likely to put up with that. There's a culture that's kind of, you know, I blame it on patriarchy to be honest. Patriarchy has, you know, embedded , the minds of women to kind of settle or feel like. We need to present ourselves to advertise ourselves in order to get men. Like, we're basically not valuable unless we have some type, some male attached to us.

So if we don't have a man, or you know, we're single, we don't have children, all these things, then we are, we're attached to all these outside exterior things, and especially having a man so, You know, you look at like, you're single. I mean, probably back in the day when my mom was growing up, if you were single past 25, you were what?

An old maid, , [:

I grew up watching, for instance, like Love at Basketball and I'm like, Oh my God, never. Like heist, , like my favorite, one of my favorite movies. And I'm like, can't even watch the movies anymore. It's like, not fun. Ruined us now that we're awake. Right. It's, I can't even enjoy my same movies anymore the way I used to.

But, um, anyhow, getting back to, you know, my story, you know, just going from that philosophy or just, you know, you know, dealing. The same issues that most, most majority of us women deal with. Just wanting to, you know, have a mate and, you know, go after the person that you're compatible with. I didn't, I kind of looked overlooked.

A lot of the red flags, and it would be, like I said, very subtle things like, Controlling behavior, you know, not a per, you know, maybe, you know, he didn't want me to go out at a certain time or didn't want me to drink by myself when I would be at the bar type of thing. You know, I was like, Oh, that's a little weird, you know?

But he like, Okay, whatever. You know, he has all these other good qualities, so you know, we're just gonna look, overlook that. And I thought, I think I was talking about how my male friend pointed out that we're kind of, Um, taught as women to, to look at the subtle toxic behaviors we're taught that if he doesn't beat you or cheat on you, then you know you're good to go.

You know, you got a good man. You know, you need to work out the rest of low kinks, you know, you'll be okay.

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d, man. Whatever that means. [:

You know, so, like I said, I think with that programming that leads a lot of women down these toxic relationships. And so it led me down that path of being in one toxic relationship after the next, because I ne when I thought, you know, when I looked back, I never, I never really had an example of good relationships growing.

I didn't really see that, You know, I didn't, I didn't really know what a healthy relationship looked like. So if you don't know what a healthy relationship looks like, then you're really just shooting in the dark. And that's what happened. I was in one after next, like very controlling relationships. When I look back, very, uh, hypercritical type of relationships where, you know, overly criticizing.

Never, they never celebrated me at all. You know, none of the relationships I was in, I was, I was never celebrated for who I was. Like, I always felt like I had to over give or overcompensate in other ways in order to prove my value. You know, like cooking all the time for them, or massages and, you know, just overgiving unnecessarily, just to prove that I.

I was good enough that I was a good woman, you know? So,

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other, they're gonna do that [:

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Done this. Otherwise I have to cook it again because I'm gonna be punished or I berated or like, there's just one. I'm gonna hear this big. Whining cry baby. Like all the variables of how they all react .

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I will say. It wasn't, like I said, overt where it was like very overly abusive, like you know, this and that. You did that. It was more so like just neglectful a lot of. And now the last relationship, I didn't see it coming because it was so passive, um, aggressive. It was so subtle. I had no idea I saw it coming, you know.

Um, like I said, I did see little riff flags in there, but I never would expected a situation to happen. I, um, basically my last partner, uh, we know we had, we had a daughter together. And we had talked about not having children anymore. You know, we understood that, you know, we kind of was, I had already had, you know, four, well, basically four, including the daughter we had together, Okay.

Mm-hmm. . So it already kind of just, we decided that we weren't happy anymore. But, you know, things happen. Things happened when you were, you know, in a relationship. And so, um, you know, I became pregnant and it was like, you know, wow. I was like, didn't you know? Didn't know what to do. Honestly, I was initially planned on getting an abortion cause I just didn't see a way that this child was this, you know, additional child was gonna fit into my life because I had already had four children, mind you.

doing a lot, you know? Yeah. [:

I should say at work. Yes. . Yeah. And

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And I'm like, uh, I'm trying to hear that right now. I just gotta get this taken care of. So I get back, survive. I had just lost a lot of weight too. I just, you know, got, was trying to get my shape back, you know, And so I'm like, no, Like this is, this is not, no, this is not even up for debate. I don't even hear it, you know, at the time.

And then it was like, you know, people plant seeds, you. They plant seeds and it doesn't necessarily harvest immediately, but then you start thinking about it afterwards and you're like, Man, you know, she kind of got a point. And, um, so anyhow, I was working out and then all of a sudden it just came over my head.

It was like, I don't know if it was higher spirit, higher power, whatever you wanna call it. It was like a voice that just told me like, you know, it's not your job to take this life that I've given you. You know, you don't have that power, you don't have that right to take this. Just because, yeah, you help create it, but you don't have the power to take it.

And I was like, Whoa. It was kind of like, it was like, yeah, it was like real loud. And so I'm like, Oh, okay. So. I, you know, I was actually having some situations where I actually thought I was gonna be miscuing, you know, not to get you graphic, but I thought that I was gonna be miscuing. Mm-hmm. . So I went to the hospital and you know, I actually, he was sleeping cuz he would work late nights.

, you're fine. You know, you [:

But then I have, was kind of firm on the decision at the same time. But when I came home, um, you know, he, my partner, he texted me at the time. And asked me how it went and I was like, Oh, well it went great. You know, it looks like, you know, the baby is gonna, you know, basically looks like everything was okay.

They were, you know, trying to give him details or whatever. He calls me and then basically tells me, you know, I know you're not gonna keep that baby like that baby. Like, as if it was like not a baby that we created together. . Mm-hmm. . So I'm like, Okay. I'm like, um, yeah, I actually had told you he was actually, I actually did tell him before I left, like I decided not to do it.

Go through with. Because, you know, um, I just feel like it's not my job to, you know, take a live to that third. He was half sleep though, so he probably didn't process the information. , he didn't clear, have enough

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Like, you just don't wanna hear it. You don't wanna hear the mind warp, you don't wanna hear the lecture, you don't wanna hear the gas.

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Third, and what we gonna do with another baby and this and that, and third blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I don't know. We'll figure it out though. You know, I've always figured it out, you know, and this shouldn't happen, blah, blah, blah. I just kept going on and on and on. Just, you know, heart harping. And then the last thing, you know, thing he mentioned was, you know, Well, you know, um, I think we just got the co-parent because, um, you know, this is this Oh, oh, he said, uh, I feel like, uh, I feel like you manipulated me.

ke, what? Like betrayed you. [:

I'm thinking like, how did I betray you because I chose to keep our child, Like what earthly sense does that make like, So it like . Yeah. It never, I mean, I was just like, Wow, this man has to be sick. So the first thing, my mind, first thing that came to my mind was like, he must be a psychopath. Because, you know, I don't even know where that came from.

It was just like immediately came to mind like, he's a psychopath, you know? Yeah. So at the time after you, after that situation, I'm like, you know, and so I, I got, you know, I was just like, I couldn't even deal with hearing that. I was just like, Completely just removed. I couldn't even process it. So I just hung up on him and, um, yeah, I just, you know, we, we would then, we were still living together for a while, but he would, you know, walk past me.

We just kind of like ignoring each other, . And then I finally got away. But I, from that situation, I started looking up, um, you know, psychopath trades. I was, Cause that was the first thing I thought about, like, who says something like that about their own child? Like they, they, somebody betrayed them cuz they kept their child.

So I'm thinking like, I was just convinced he's a psychopath. Like I, I told mom, I told my parents, I told my mom and I told my, uh, you know, I was just like, Yeah, he's a psychopath. Like, there's nothing else to it, like, you know, And so I was just convinced .

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Right, Exactly. Number two, he like, thinks that he has all the power and control over the decision. And number three, like that is like you, that's a piece of you. Like, that's really

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And I'm like, How does someone betray you because of that? I don't, I don't put the two and two together. So a friend of mine, she was like, she, she gave me clarity and she was like, Well, you know why he said that, right? I'm like, No, I still don't understand, still don't process it. Like I'm still processing that.

So she's like, [:

It wasn't because of the child, it was because you went. What you initially agreed with him on, and you initially what he felt like he had control over. And so because you went against his initial, um, intent and you went against what he wanted you to do, you betrayed him in his vine. And so I was like, Wow.

Like I never thought about it like that, but that's clearly what it was like. He, because I didn't obey him. It was like, then you, you betrayed me. And so when I started doing a lot of research, I started realizing, Oh wow. Yeah, he's truly, truly narcist. He may even be slightly nice, uh, narcissist. You know, they have a, it's a scale, you know, there's a, there's levels to it.

I'm like, he, you know, I'm not, I'm not a psychologist guy. So, just a disclaimer, nobody's, I'm not a psychologist, but.

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Basically you go from, you know, your base, you know, you're kind of like, you know, very basic narcissistic your narcissism. All of us, they say, all of us have some. Form of healthy narcissism, you know, just bravado. But then, you know, you move forward down the line and then you, you know, towards the end of it, you have like your, you know, what they call, uh, social, um, uh, sorry, I can't think of right now.

But anyway, Socio sociopath. It's psychopathic,

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Social pass and psychopaths. Mm-hmm. . And so I'm like, well he, he's definitely has to be somewhere in it towards the end of that . So, you know, it wasn't all the rage and all that stuff, so that's why I have, you know, what they call cognitive dissonance where, you know, you, you think one thing but then you think something else and you kind of go back and forth about it.

Cause things don't necessarily add up. And so, but, um, Anyhow, You know, there was definitely some strong, um, tendencies to kind of be like towards the, you know, like I said, to the end of that spectrum, if that, if that's the case, you know, But yeah, it was, it was, it was rough because I had to really, um, I had to really fight, you know, hard through that.

I mean, you know, I eventually move it out and then started, you know, started fresh, completely started all over. You know, I live alone with Rose and my, um, son who's like, he's four months old. He'll be five months, uh, at the beginning of next month of October. So, yeah, so, um, you know, it's just us. Yeah, it's just exactly, yeah.

So it's just us. It's just us six, um, including myself and, you know, we are just really just having a good time now. Honestly, it took me a long time though to really get through it. I had, it was, took a lot of meditation, a lot of soul searching. Know, a lot of, just really wanting to, uh, be healthy and home.

And, you know, I told myself I wasn't gonna get into any of relationship and so I was, you know, proud of myself because I, I did, I stayed single. I didn't, you know, try to feel that void with, you know, someone else, you know, being un hilled. And so through this process, through my healing journey, I wanted other women to be able to not necessarily go through it.

ed to be able to help women, [:

And so I was like, well, you know, if I can just get through this and I can show women like the tools, like right away how to heal, to not waste any time, like this is, you know, this is what you could start doing. This is then third, or like I said, of course you're gonna have your own journey, but if you have the tools to be able to help you go through your journey, it just makes the experience that much more.

Pleasurable or less, I would say less disheartening. You know, because you have something to kinda go from versus just trying to figure it out on your own. Cause I was literally all on my own for the most part, except for my children. I was pretty much going through the struggle by myself. And I think half of the half of the battle is feeling like you don't have any.

And so I wanted to, you know, provide a community to where women can feel safe and protected and they can have the tools to, you know, know what to do in order to heal. And also have the support of what to, uh, you know, have someone to talk to when, you know, like, Wait a minute, this happened. Is that supposed to happen?

You know, or, you know, I'm feeling like, wait a minute. I, I thought I was healed. It's been three or four months or so. I'm having, I'm getting triggered again, like, Oh, like wait a minute. I'm starting all over.

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And then this tiny little thing triggers you. You're

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think about, you know, just [:

Like that's just so much wisdom and knowledge that like, I would pay, you know, I would pay my life for almost, you know, to be able to have that, you know, in one room. I mean, honestly, if, if I would've had a summit like this when, when I was in my twenties, I would never be in any of these relationships. I would've never been with any of these, these relationships with these men.

Um, That's true. Yeah. So I'm just super excited because it's a, it's a, it's an opportunity to be able to give back to, I feel like it's almost in a way paying my debts towards my healing journey. Like, you know, basically my dma like, almost like I'm fulfilling my d. At the same time, I'm able to bring, provide value to women at the same time while I'm, while I'm actually fulfilling my dharma, you know, which is the opposite of karma.

Cause you know, karma is like, you know, when you, you did some things in your life or maybe in your past life, and you got, you know, all this hell because of it, or these things have happened to you because of it. And Dharma's the opposite of that where you. Clear up some of your karma that you may even may not even realize that you've had from past lifetimes.

You know, you be like, Oh, I had a good life and I I never heard anybody. Well, you don't know what you did in the past . Yeah. Before you got this body . Yeah. No. Yeah. So, I mean, not, you know, and, and not to go down a dark path, but, you know, I feel like it's, it's a, it's a mission that is, uh, multi-purpose. Mm. Um, because, uh, it's so many things that can come of it.

al and get additional tools. [:

So I'm. Excite all the way around .

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We've have amazing male speakers, amazing females. We've got the combo, we've got all of. We're all in this, this boat together. But, um, which, you know, in this conference there's gonna be, in a summit, there's gonna be how to break free from trauma bond. There's gonna be how to guard against negative energy and dispel the narcissist.

How to have complete freedom from the narcissist and change your story so that you can change your life. How the narcissist used love to manipulate you. Why IPAs attract narcissists and what you can do about it. This gonna be fun. Confessions in the mind, the mind of a narcissist, how you can use the power of your words to heal, and how domestic violence with the narcissist begins within.

Like there are some amazing topics here that there is gonna be covered in the summit.

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We also have self-awareness narcissists. I mean, you get a chance to actually pick the brain of someone who is a narcissist, but is self-aware and is doing the work to clear up their karma. You know, So they're, they're doing their dhar. And they're able to provide this wisdom to you, to give you, um, insight into the line of a narcissist.

I [:

Marcia Martin, who's also a PhD, you know, so, I mean, between

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again.

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Yeah. So like I said, it is so gonna be so much wisdom in the building that day. That evening, Well, that morning that this is, Yeah. Yeah, it's

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But we, there's amazing, amazing contributors. Leon Walker, Ben Taylor, Lisa son, Dr. Marsha, Dr. Alicia. Myself and Prince and you of course. So it's gonna be incredible. I'm so excited for it. Yes,

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It's free. You know, you can, you have the option to upgrade to V ip, but the, the event is free. So, I mean, take advantage of it.

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You're like, Okay, I'm ready for that information. Now, in that particular, you know, part of the summit, like, what did they say again? Like, this really, I really need to know this information. So if you upgrade it, then you have all of those recordings and you can go back to it. It's almost like. Video book essentially.

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Experience and really take notes and take it all in. That alone is worth it. Um, like I said, you get the lifetime recordings. You're also gonna get the v I p Q and A session. So along with not just the event, you'll get a chance to really pick our brains, like, you know, come up on Zoom and like, you know, and ask us particular questions like, you know.

You know, really figure out like if you have a particular situation, you can ask us about the question about that particular situation and we can help maybe guide you through it or give you some insights. So like I say, I mean this is, Yeah, that's

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Yes. Yes ma'am. So, I'm. Can't wait for you guys to be

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The air there. I'm not bitter at any of them. If anything, I'm actually thankful for them because I needed, they were, um, you know, they were what I needed to wake me up. To really get me on my path, I really feel like everyone who I, who I was ever in a relationship with was there for a reason to actually get me on my path.

they not given me that, that [:

And. Feeling really kind of miserable and trying to figure out what my purpose was. But I was, I had so many towns, but I'm like, what is my actual purpose? You know? Yeah. So, yeah. And it was like, okay, I guess the creator, uh, whatever you wanna call it was like, Yeah, we, we gonna tell you the, they, we gonna let you know your purpose real quick.

[:

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I think my angels, they kind of get it got fed up with me. They were like, you know, we just have to give her to her wrong. Cause she, she don't, she don't like to listen. , she hard headed. So we gotta, we gotta do something major, you know? Yeah. So that's exactly what happened. So, like I said, I don't have any bad feelings or bitter feelings towards any of them, any of them.

I, once I did my healing, Like I said, I was actually grateful for everything that they taught me, you know, the time that we had together, you know, because it all was for a reason and, and, you know, and they were there for a season, . So yes, I'm, I'm just, you know, super, I'm really happy that I found my purpose and that I was able to, you know, go through this journey and I'm very grateful.

And my son, I couldn't be more happy, more blessed to have him because he's. Amazing. He's just like everything a mother could want. He's just so awesome. He's just the best baby ever, so I know. Yeah. That's beautiful.

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ust be part of the . What is [:

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I'm looking forward to that. . I know,

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Yes. Thank you for your work as

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AM to:

Pacific time. And the link in the show notes

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can impact and end. Domestic [:

Get your free unique Soul's blueprint. Map your human design chart@ravenscott.show slash shop. See you next episode. Let's go. I need time deal, Thebag. MoVI is helping people release emotional baggage, breaking negative patterns, and finding the root causes with the emotion and body code. Visit www.movi.ca.

That's a d h v.ca. I can personally attest that this is an amazing way to heal trauma out that you can't do with meditation and thought therapy and talk therapy and all the things. So reach out to her and get a free 30 minute consultation to see if this is something that can help you.