Shownotes
Who are you?
It's the question others always ask -implicitly if not explicitly -when they first meet you.
Do you know clearly yourself?
On what level?
And how do you express who you are in a way that is authentic and encourages deeper exploration?
This is what we explored on the call.
Transcript
Welcome to honest talk about heartbreak, dating and relationships, relationships, the podcast helping you navigate your path to happy ever after with your host, Rob McPhillips. OK, so we've still got a few people to join. I expect that will be joining us in the next 10 minutes. But rather than everyone wait, I think what it might be best to do is we'll go into breakout groups and just to ask each other the topic of the day, today's meet up career.
And it's just a chance to get to know people. In a little bit more detail. OK, so he had an interesting how did most people respond?
At this point, I want to look to the question of who you are and generally how how did it feel?
Really awkward. Yeah. I think it was quite comfortable because we were such a small group and we were all kind of one, I think.
OK, so what I'm interested in is what were the different answers that people had?
I think for ourselves, we was kind of associating ourselves, relating ourselves to our circumstance with which which we want to. Well, what we're challenged with, like trying to change, like relationship status or trying to.
Stablish Will Hermes. So we didn't identify ourselves, such as about usually what people would do through hobbies, interests. It's because of the nature of this meeting is themed. We we associated ourselves with our status where we are. And what kind of Drew was, hey, I guess we take.
I don't think we're going into any philosophical discussions, at least not while I was desperately trying to connect the. And who are you as a person or personality or I think. Well, I took it literally as a question. What's your background? What are you trying to achieve? I think the rest of the group at the time was discussing a case that was in terms of relationships, because that's the context.
Yes. OK, what about other groups?
I was pretty much similar in our group. It was pretty much, you know, this is my age, this is where I live free and all that sort of thing. This is what I like to do, this demographic and psychographic a group.
We took it a bit further and we can't discuss the tests that we took earlier. And what if we agree with the style and related to that?
Okay, so which test is that the most Brixham and the attachment or the love language mainly.
Okay.
We also had a discussion of about friendships, the types of people who we gravitate towards in terms of developing friendships and whether or not sometimes we need to change those boundaries or those frames that we put around the types of people that we think we are friends with or should become friends with. And maybe we should get rid of those framing parameters and and be more be less choosy.
Maybe we'll make some really interesting friends who just don't fit the usual mold of what we think our friends, you know, of our friends are going to be, because I don't think anybody ever tells anybody how to make a friend.
We just assume that we are able to make friends.
And then we were discussed. Sometimes we make the wrong friends who we meet.
We help people. We tend to be people who help a lot, me and myself. We find that we are nurturers in a sense, but at the same time, do our friends treat us the same? Do we get that back from people? So it's those kinds of things that are coming out for us.
We never did the tests I mentioned. I mentioned what I was and said they would change the mood of in what way?
I am sorry.
So say my what will change in terms of which test you're talking about and what will change the the personality won't come out as the campaign that won't be, and whether that one is depending on where you are in life, depending whether your having a social life or very solitudes life, you may change your answers because I think I've done this of test so, so few times in my life. And I think I've come out differently, depending where whether I feel more isolated or whether I feel over socialized or whether my job challenges top, I am forced to have to speak like in front of people or job challenges forces you to have it likes and dislikes.
So I find that because I've changed so many times in different careers, different areas, I give different answers depending how I feel or what the mood is for that period of time. My life. OK, I was thinking about I was wondering about that, actually, because I have taken it several times or at least a few times and over seven years ago, I think is the first time I took it. And I was kind of wondering if people, people's personality type change because I never did.
It's always been the same, even though I felt like I was different in a way than I was. I feel like there's lots of ways I'm different than seven years ago, but I still have the exact same. So I was wondering if that was similar for everybody, but obviously it's not. So you've got two different ones.
We usually usually it's fairly constant. Like introvert. Extrovert. Yes, pretty much a dimension is the way your brain works can be sometimes things like George, you perceive a can, can change, but generally Montebourg is usually fairly consistent.
OK, yeah, I've always been really consistent.
So what might be really interesting is if everyone if you say a networking or a social event and you were asked to by someone say, who are you? It will be interesting is if everyone can put in a chat how they would answer that. So if you want to put on the spot.
So if this was a networking or sort of social event and you were asked to describe yourself, how would you. How would you answer that question now? We invited in the chat, yeah. Then we can see lots of lots of reactions. But while everyone's talking, if anyone wants to say. I think I'm a complex person in some respects. I can be easy going, I can be very driven as well. Sam.
Very I wouldn't say it's not necessarily a career, but I'd like to learn and I enjoy lively discussions and debates and as a result of that, I don't suffer fools gladly.
I'm very impatient with nonsense.
Yeah, very, very, very short.
And yes, I. Put up with a lot. I can be very patient, so there is that aspect of me, I can be very patient. But at the same time, if you are really being stupid and just ridiculous, then I'm going to explode. So I have a nasty temper, too. But I am also very chilled and very funny. I'm happy I you can tell, OK, I'm gregarious, but there's a shy side to me as well.
So I am everything. How is that for an answer encompasses all, you're not hedging your bets there, are you?
No, no, I know myself. I can tell you I can be very quiet and I listen and everything, and then I can just be noisy. The whole work. Hell, I'm Jamaican, right? You know, a quiet, introverted Jamaican. That's me. But I am. And I like my own company. But I also like a good party. So there it is. OK, I get along better with men than women, the best friends I make out.
Do you want the honest truth? Men, women see me as competition. They don't like their husbands to talk to me in my in my youth. I was considered very pretty. Therefore, I was competition. So women just never liked me. And I decided, oh, well, to hell with it.
I will stick with my male friends always that it wasn't here in the UK. Now Jamaica went to but to Jamaica. And I keep friends for a very long time. Some of my best friends are people that I have known from. My oldest friend, I went to what we call in Jamaica in those days, infant school, which is which would be the equivalent of kindergarten like four or five.
I have one friend from that time and my best friend, I met her at university first day of going to University, age 18. And we have been best friends since and I have my closest friends otherwise were from high school before that 14, 15, 16. I keep my friends. I think I'll have them for a lifetime.
And, you know, like minded. No. Not the different my best friend is is totally different, she's we are, we are. There are lots of similarities, but there is enough difference to make it interesting. She does things that I won't do. Let's put it that way, and we but at the same time, we have a bond that is she's that my sister because I have no sisters. And she's the closest thing to being a sister to me.
OK, so what I'm what I'm looking at is really interesting is, is everybody looking at a chart, they seem like the different ways that people. Describe themselves and see themselves, but there's some people by roll by circumstance, some people by how would you like in this sense of purpose or spirituality? Now, does how you describe yourself change on the context? No. So, yes, how many people would say that they change?
Depending on context or how they describe themselves. And how many would stay constant wherever they are? I think so, because in a professional sense, I would give a different description of myself and the professional ways.
That's the core of a view that doesn't change. You know, I suppose human beings were always looking to connect with people, aren't they? So you try you try and go for some sort of shared experience with whatever group in the state you live. Obviously, there's a lot of you that makes up you. So, you know, if you're if you're sort of out there, then you can choose what you want to reveal and what not. So what gives you about the connection and the context?
But I think, for example, in a professional sense, there are certain attributes that come into play that meant not in terms of a general description, you think of, you know, are you a leader or a team player or do you, you know, certain characteristics such that come to the fore in a working environment, which generally you may not think of off the top of your head? That's what I'm thinking, you know, because it's more it's more defined in a narrow sense.
Whereas in general, you speak about all the aspects of yourself talking about yourself.
But can you be a leader without being a follower?
I don't think so. Because in order to be a leader, you have to be part of the group, and so you must have unless you set up the group, which is.
To some extent, you have to follow others in order to get to that position. And sometimes too often, you are leader to some, you know, in a hierarchical structure, you related to some follow to others.
OK, I've been really stuck with this one because the level of complexity, because normally it's fairly clear cut, it's like there's a problem and you can see where you are before, where you are after. And so. What I want to ask is, what would you like to get out today?
Is it about understanding yourself more so that you're more emotionally balanced and you're personally feeling better and being better version of yourself?
Or is it honestly who you are to express to...