Conflict happens in any relationship. When it arises, it needs to be tackled head on, with both partners speaking their truth while prioritising connection above everything. Not being able to navigate conflict can lead to disconnect, which can erode intimacy, trust, passion, and safety over time.

In this episode, Lorin shares three common blockages that prevent couples from experiencing deeper intimacy over time, and how to clear the path towards a longer-lasting, deep spiritual connection.

Mentioned in this episode:

The Deep Polarity Program
An 8-week immersive journey to unlock the deepest intimacy through masculine & feminine dynamics.

It happens to so many couples.

I've seen it again and again.

At the beginning, there was deep passion in the relationship and in the bedroom.

And at some point everything went south.

No more sex, no more intimacy, no more connection.

Disconnect became the new normal.

A sense of awkwardness in the air.

Talking bullshit that doesn't come from the heart.

Acting as if everything is fine, even though both know nothing is fine.

This doesn't have to be the case.

I know this not only from the many couples and individuals I've worked with

all over the world, but also from my own relationship with my wife, Liliana.

I know wholeheartedly, the longer you are together in a relationship, the higher

the possibility of experiencing deeper intimacy, deeper trust, deeper passion,

deeper safety in the relationship.

However, of course, if we don't have right tools and resources to create this, then

it's going to prove very challenging.

I will show you in today's episode how you can make radical and effective changes in

your relationship to reignite the passion.

Both overall in the relationship, but also in the bedroom.

Just because a loss of attraction, a lack of attraction, a lack of passion,

and polarity happens to so many couples, doesn't mean that it is normal

or that it is the way it should be.

There is this collective idea that a long-term relationship

Becomes boring after a while, that love and passion fade with time.

And of course it is normal if couples don't have the resources

and tools to go deeper, to move through challenges, to move through

tension, to move through conflict that naturally arises in a relationship.

There is no way around it.

It's natural.

No matter how conscious the relationship that there is, tension, that there

are challenges to work through.

And also while it is true that the honeymoon phase ends at a certain point,

contrary to our common understanding, this doesn't mean that the sex and

intimacy become less passionate.

There's this idea honeymoon phase ends, well, then the sex and

intimacy become less passionate.

No.

When the honeymoon phase ends, ideally at a spiritual level, what happens is

that everything matures to an even deeper level of depth in the relationship.

So the sex, the intimacy, the connection takes an even deeper level and the passion

matures into something even more profound.

Now this leads us to the biggest block I'll be discussing now the biggest

blocks that couples experience that, um, weighing passion, that weighing intimacy,

that doesn't allow us to experience deep and profound sex, and then I will talk

about what needs to be done in order to create radical changes, profound

changes to reignite that passion as powerfully as possible, but not just

reignite it, but also to actively deepen it, because I'll talk about that later.

But I always like to say love is infinite, passion is infinite, devotion is infinite.

You can always go deeper.

That's the beauty.

So the longer you are together, the deeper you can go.

Is it going to be easy?

No.

But is it possible?

Yes.

And is it worth it?

1000%, yes.

Now, Let's talk about the first block that couples experience that lead

them towards this downward spiral of no intimacy, no sex, no passion.

The first block is not being able to navigate conflict.

This is a huge one.

If a couple does not know how to navigate conflict, it's going

to naturally erode intimacy.

Trust, passion, safety over time.

Because when we don't know how to deal with conflict, it lingers there.

It's, it's never fully resolved, which leads to disconnect.

The disconnect, the continuous experience, the disconnect leads to a lack of

emotional intimacy, which then translates always to a lack of physical intimacy.

Because sex starts outside of the bedroom.

And becoming physical is only a byproduct of the emotional intimacy

that was created beforehand.

This is especially true for women, for the feminine, but it also holds truth,

of course, for men, for the masculine.

Here is what happens when you are not able to reconnect properly after conflict.

It leads to disconnect, which creates distrust, which I call

creating negative momentum.

So many couples experience negative momentum in their relationship.

Ultimately, what what this means is the more disconnect you experience,

the more this, this disconnect lingers, the more your body and nervous system

get used that whenever there is conflict, what follows is disconnect.

So a pattern gets created.

If you go through the same thing again and again and again, the body

and the nervous system adapts to it.

It becomes the new normal.

So whenever you have that same argument, that same fight that keeps repeating

or a new fight about something new that arises, doesn't have to be the same thing,

then already your body, your nervous system, braces itself and repeats the

disconnect, suffering, for some couples, this can even mean

breaking up for for a little while.

A more subtle expression is for hours being in disconnect, or for

days even being in disconnect and not being able to connect properly.

And of course here and there, there can be disconnect.

But the longer you spend in disconnect, the more momentum, the

more negative momentum it creates.

More about that later, how you can really powerfully shift out of that disconnect.

But to make it clear, Your body and nervous system get used to it.

This creates negative momentum because now it's not only the conflict, which

where the pattern repeats itself, there's disconnect every time, now

you also start to fear the conflict.

And because you fear the conflict, you try to avoid it, you try to tiptoe around it,

which creates even more blockage because you are no longer speaking your truth,

you are no longer in your power, you're trying to avoid, you're fearing something.

And these kind of even strengthens that downward spiral of negative

momentum and erodes the intimacy.

So it's not just that our body and nervous system is, um, adapted to

the CO to that exact same experience.

So the moment there is conflict, we emotionally shut down.

That is one of these experiences.

Or the moment there is conflict, we beg our partner to, to reconnect and

there's the other partner shuts down and there's this constant back and forth,

which creates so much self suffering and creates this huge disconnect.

Whatever it is, I'm not gonna go too deep into every single possible way,

how this can express itself, but just to be, just to make it clear.

Emotional shutdown.

So the B, the moment there is conflict, your body goes, okay, now

it's time for emotional shutdown.

This has been automated.

This is, you've conditioned the body unconsciously into that,

conflict, shut down, disconnect.

And this, and then of course a fear starts to happen.

It almost becomes this thing that now has power over you.

And that should never happen.

Conflict should never have power over you.

More about it in a second.

So what do we need to do?

In order to really powerfully shift through the first blockage, which is

not being able to navigate conflict?

Now, the first thing we need to learn is to tackle conflict head on.

This doesn't mean that you don't take, you can say, I need

10 minutes to ground myself or whatever, or I need half an hour.

But obviously not.

I need three days, because that's just gonna cause more disconnect.

This doesn't mean that you have to tackle it in the heat of the moment

when you're totally triggered and in your wounding, expressing from

your wounding or from your shadow.

Take 10 minutes but communicate it, of course, with the shared

vision of then to reconnect deeper.

That's not what I'm meaning.

But what I'm meaning is as quickly as possible.

You want to tackle that head on, meaning you speak your truth.

You speak what's really in your heart, not afraid of the other person leaving

you, not afraid of the other person, not agreeing with you, not pleasing

him, but really speaking your truth.

And this takes true courage, especially for those who are prone

to pleasing, especially those who have difficulty setting boundaries.

But it is extremely important that you are in that practice of speaking

and sharing your heart's truth.

Because if you cannot express that in an argument and you're kind of becoming

inauthentic because of fear of the other person losing you, then that's

not going to allow you to resolve that.

So very important, whenever there is conflict, both have to be able and have

to feel safe to be able to speak their heart's truth, of course, while honoring

the other person, not ripping them apart.

Speaking your heart's truth can be fierce, can involve setting boundaries,

but it's coming from a place of love.

One way you can do this is just breathe deeply into your heart and

then express deeply from your heart.

And what happens then when both are doing that Passion in conflict

can quickly, because the energy of passion has this interesting dynamic

where it can lead to a passion from a passionate argument to passionate

intimacy or even passionate love making.

You might have experienced this.

So there is a charge, because ultimately there is a charge and, and that

is actually good when a couple has that charge because you can use that

charge to powerfully work through.

Of course, some get completely hijacked by their shadow, and

then it's a never ending argument.

But what I'm essentially saying, if both fiercely speak their hearts truth with

the shared vision to reconnect and tackle this as quickly as possible in order to

connect again, then everything shifts because both can feel this profound

passion that comes together, that melts into one another of both, essentially

wanting to reconnect at the highest level.

And that creates for a really powerful experience where you are able to navigate,

uh, conflict really, really powerfully.

And also you are teaching your body a nervous system that conflict is not bad.

Conflict means you can resolve it.

And conflict also means afterwards you can connect even deeper and experience

even more intimacy because you understand each other even more deeply, and

because you stepped even more into your truth, truly speaking, your heart.

This is what happens.

The more you do this, the more it gains positive momentum because

you experience more connection.

And now ultimately you are teaching your body, when there is conflict,

we cannot just resolve it, but we can even connect deeper.

We learn more about each other, we understand each other deeper.

Boom, and now everything starts to change.

Doesn't mean you're gonna love conflict from now on, but it certainly

means you're no longer afraid of it.

And it certainly means you don't feel that it's going to destroy the relationship

or anything along those lines.

You know, it's part of any relationship, and when it arises,

you can face it and you know in your heart you can connect even deeper.

That's truly powerful.

When a couple has that embodied experience, boom, everything shifts.

And what is the key thing here to make this really clear, the key thing here is

to prioritize connection above everything.

If you don't prioritize connection above everything in a relationship,

then there's going to eventually intimacy's going to wane.

So the couples who experience the deepest intimacy and passion in the

bedroom in general in any moment, they prioritize connection above all things.

So what do my wife and I do when we experience a disconnect?

We don't let it linger.

We tackle it full on, um, speaking our hearts true fiercely if necessary, setting

boundaries if we have to really, but both with the shared vision of connecting as

quickly and as powerfully as possible.

And this literally shift everything.

Now, what is the second blockage that so many couples experience?

The second blockage is that both parties don't live from their core energy.

So most people, their core energy is masculine or feminine.

It's not gender specific, but usually very often a man has a core masculine energy

and a woman has a core feminine energy.

There are some rare exceptions where that is more balanced.

Um, it's different for every person, but these are just exceptions.

Usually someone has a core mask and a core feminine energy.

And with that come specific energetic responsibilities in the dance of intimacy.

And also come specific core desires.

So if you are not living from your core energy, are not aware of what

your core energy is, then you don't really know what your desires are.

This leads to you not being able to know how to communicate your desires, and

also it doesn't allow you to own and take responsibility for your unique energy

responsibility as the masculine or as the feminine in the dance of intimacy.

So, very quickly, because if I would go too deep into this, this podcast

episode is going to be very, very long.

But for example, a man, if his core masculine energy, if his core energy is

masculine, for instance, He takes the lead in a healthy way in the relationship.

That can be one expression, conscious leadership.

So this for instance, means arranging date nights, um, making sure that there

is quality time spent together, for instance, Hey baby, this Friday I'm

gonna make that dinner reservation.

And this doesn't mean, um, dominating in the sense, we're gonna go there because

I want to go there my way or the highway.

No, but it's this kind of very powerful, assertive leadership that

says, Baby on Friday, I'm gonna make this dinner reservation, and we're

gonna have some really powerful, we're gonna have some really beautiful

quality time together to connect.

For instance, something along those lines.

So this is a kind of expression of conscious, of conscious leadership

and it's, it Krenn, it's, it's, it's just an energetic responsibility.

What are other energy responsibilities?

Being present, bringing depth to the relationship.

The masculine his incredible gift of, of bringing depth, right?

A man who embodies his awakened masculine core, brings depth into the

mundane, transforms mundane moments, um, or has the ability to bring

so much depth to mundane moments.

You do this through your deep breath.

You do this through your posture.

You do this for very powerful practices that I teach in my

Awakened Masculine program.

What else?

For instance, being grounded, just in general, being grounded and not

being in a shaky, insecure energy and needy energy, but coming from

a grounded and powerful place.

This will, this is what it means to own your energetic responsibility, and as you

do this, it will naturally create really powerful attraction, really powerful

emotional intimacy, which then translates into really profound sexual intimacy.

Now, speaking as the woman, let's say the woman has a, her core energy is feminine.

This could be, for instance, trusting the conscious leadership of him.

Of course, you don't wanna trust his lead if he's coming from his shadow, but

if he's coming from his, um, masculine core and he's bringing his leadership,

trusting this lead, opening your heart towards his leadership, because that

naturally creates that deep polarity.

Giving him space to step up, allowing him space to to step up

powerfully, to show up powerfully.

For instance, his archaic desire to protect you to what could it be?

It could be something as simple as carrying the grocery bags or whatever.

That in alone already creates that spark.

So, I don't allow my, my wife to, if we go grocery shopping together, I don't

allow her to carry the grocery bags.

I mean, it's an absolute no-go, absolute no-go.

I carry them as many as they are, as heavy as they are, right?

So these little things, little things.

Just being, being a gentleman that's one of these and allowing him to

be that or anything protective.

So it could be these little things such as, um, when we're walking on a

busy road, I'm gonna go on the left, um, and sh and my woman is gonna

face the words, uh, towards the wall, where it's safe and all these little

things, you know, these are deeply archaic things within the masculine,

this kind of protective incident.

If you can open yourself and be appreciative of this,

this is very beautiful.

And of course also here, I'm calling him out from your Oracle, if that is, if

it comes up, if he's lacking integrity.

If not, he's not present with you, right?

If he's losing himself in positivity or anything along those lines.

Calling him out from, from your, from your awakened feminine.

I've talked about this in many previous episodes.

This is also part of what, allows you both to grow.

And ultimately if he listens to it and steps up, allows for deeper

intimacy, allows for deeper passion.

Otherwise, you both get stuck.

If you give in as a woman to your abandonment fears of fear of rejection,

don't express it, resentment is growing and it doesn't, uh, it

doesn't allow you to both evolve.

And also, um, what else would be the angel responsibility?

Not going into hyper independence in this masculine armor, but letting him in.

Letting him into your heart, allowing him to contribute to the

safety and openness of your heart.

Of course, this goes way deeper, but if we live from our core energy, and I

teach about this in my Awakened Masculine and Awakened Feminine programs, how you

really start to embody your awakened masculine or awakened feminine, which

completely shifts your relationship life.

But living from our core energy automatically means we express ourselves

in the most authentic way, which naturally creates deep intimacy when

we're, when we're embodying our true self, we, we embody our specific desires.

We live in a way that is truthful to our deepest core and is naturally creates so

much intimacy, amplifies, and intensifies, and deepens our experience in the bedroom.

It's like two magnets, wonderfully flowing and coming together and being so deeply

drawn to one another in such a natural, such a sacred and such a powerful way.

And if the polarity is flipped, for instance, if the woman who has a

feminine core is living from masculine, It's overly living in her mask and

what we can also call masculine armor or, and he gets lost in positivity,

doesn't take any lead, doesn't take any responsibility, there's a lack of action.

There's, of course, this then leads to no emotional intimacy, no sex, no nothing.

Both are entirely stuck.

So what's the key here?

In order to reignite the passion?

It is about starting to going towards the most profound journey.

Embodying our awakened essence, whether that is masculine or whether

that is feminine, and then owning our true desires, owning our energetic

responsibility in the dance of intimacy.

Again, I teach this in my Awakened Feminine and Awakened Masculine programs.

And this is where we really start to reignite the passion.

Now, what is the third blockage that couples experience?

Um, of course there are more, but um, these three are kind of the, the one

of the most crucial ones, and one of the most common ones, and the third

blockage is that we fail to protect our partner from our own shadow.

If you follow my work for a while, I have attended one, some of my

workshops, of my trainings, you know how important to apply this, protecting

your partner from your shadow.

So many couples, individuals in the relationship project their wounds

onto their partner because we do not check in with what bullshit

are we unloading onto our partner.

When you take responsibility for that.

We need to protect our partner from our mother, from our father wounds,

from our commitment wounds, from our abandonment, fears, whatever it is we

need to protect them from our own shadow.

This doesn't mean you have to be perfectly healed, but what it means is you need to

be able to communicate with your partner and apologize and take ownership when

you've come from your shadow, because otherwise you're unloading that onto them.

And why does that happen?

Because we, it is an attempt to shield us from having to take responsibility,

being held accountable from doing our own work, from taking responsibility

for any bullshit that we bring into the relationship, and we all

bring our shit into relationships.

We all bring our unhealed, unresolved traumas and wounds.

It's fine.

You don't have to be, you don't have to be perfectly healed, but

you have to be fucking aware.

You have to make sure that these things that you bring into a relationship

don't sabotage the relationship.

Don't create the exact opposite of what you actually want to create.

So the moment you start to protect your partner from your shadow and take

responsibility for your healing, that is when you start to reignite the passion,

because the moment you can consciously communicate and take ownership when you're

in your shadow, when you're coming from a wound, you let them into your heart, you

build bridges, you reconnect deeper, you understand each other deeper, and then

you support ultimately each other's the safety of each other's nervous system.

You support each other's hearts opening.

I wanna share about my relationship with my wife, Liana.

So, because we practice all of these things, because that is our main focus,

prioritizing connection, prioritize that beautiful, wonderful dance of incomes

that the cures in a union, and taking responsibility for whatever, whatever it

is that we bring into the relationship that is not gonna contribute, not in

service to the highest love, not in service to our sacred union, also speaking

our hearts' truth fiercely, speaking our deepest truth, not letting anything

unspoken, not letting anything linger.

This has allowed us to deepen our love, to deepen the polarity and to make us realize

that it go, can go deeper and deeper.

Sometimes we say, Can this go any deeper?

And then a few months, a few weeks later, it has gone deeper.

Now, with having said that, this doesn't mean there are not any challenges.

This doesn't mean we're perfectly enlightened and everything is

absolutely a hundred percent perfect.

Every person, no matter how awake, and no matter how conscious they

are, no relationship is perfect.

Simply no relationship is perfect.

Why?

Eckhart Tolle has this beautiful saying that a relationship is not here to make

you happy, it is here to awaken you.

A relationship is in service to the, your highest evolution and not to

the comfort of your shadow, no matter what level of consciousness you are.

So even though my wife and I go deeper and deeper into the nature

of love, this doesn't mean we don't have to overcome obstacles.

This doesn't mean we don't have to set boundaries, we have to do all of that.

But because we do that, we can dive deeper into the nature of love.

And that is the true beauty of it.

And that is the positive momentum, because now the more connection you experience,

the more connected you will feel.

The deeper the sex and intimacy you experience, the more you're

going to experience of that.

That is the beauty, and that is creating positive momentum, which is

key in order to reignite the passion.

Switching from negative momentum into positive momentum.

Is that easy?

No.

Will it take all of you?

Yes, but that's the journey.

You're not here to be comfortable in relationships.

You're here to evolve at the highest level.

Another thing that is so crucial here is that we need to stop seeing.

Our relationship as a comfort zone, as I just mentioned, or something

that allows us to run away to avoid our traumas and wounds.

No.

We need to look at our relationship as our highest spiritual practice, as our highest

spiritual practice from moment to moment.

And this also completely shifts and reignites the passion, because we, we

actively engage in each each moment with an incredible, profound, hard openness,

hard curiosity, devotion presence.

It completely changes our energy.

Fierceness courage.

It allows us to really meet every moment with the courage of our heart.

So I wanted to quickly summarize the several steps I've talked about today, um,

before I bring today's episode to an end.

By, in order to reignite the passion, we need to go from negative

momentum to positive momentum.

What are the key areas to create that?

Number one, learning how to navigate conflict.

The moment we teach our body and nervous system that we cannot just navigate and

resolve conflict, but actually understand.

Each other deeper, learn more about each other afterwards, which translates

into deeper emotional intimacy, which then translate into deeper physical

intimacy, that's the first thing.

What is the second thing?

Living from our core energy.

That means embodying our awakened mask and our awakened feminine essence,

which means now we are aware of our desires, we can consciously express

these desires, and we're also aware of our unique energetic responsibility.

Our 50% in this wonderful dynamic, and, and then also

what the other person's 50% is.

This creates so much clarity.

And the third one is protecting your partner from your own shadow.

Because the moment you start to do that, the these three things you can create

heaven on earth in your relationship.

This really has the power of transforming absolutely everything.

Now if you want to step into deeper healing, create the intimate life that

you truly desire, then I invite you to visit lorinkrenn.com/trainings.

And I also invite you to join my newsletter, which you can find

in the show notes or by visiting lorinkrenn.com/newsletters to receive

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check out in the show notes or visiting lorinkrenn.com/books.

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