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99. Let's Get Personal: Behind the Scenes of Running a 7-Figure Business, Grief + Mindset Work
Episode 99 • 6th March 2023 • On Your Terms® | Legal Tips Meets Marketing Strategies for Online Business • Sam Vander Wielen
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We're taking a break from legal topics to dive into a grab bag of things that have been on my mind. 

In this episode, you’ll hear…

  • The mindset shift I’m making to rethink what’s possible
  • My home renovation progress
  • The importance of prioritizing your health as an entrepreneur
  • How I’m continuing to process my grief
  • My updated approach to Instagram Stories (+ one quick bonus legal tip!)

If you’d like a shoutout (and a chance to win a $20 gift card), just leave a review on Apple Podcasts and send a screenshot of it to me on Instagram via DMs!

Click here to find the full show notes and transcript for this episode.

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Transcripts

Sam Vander Wielen:

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Hey there and welcome back to On Your Terms.

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I'm your host, Sam Vander Wielen.

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I'm an attorney turned entrepreneur who helps online coaches and service providers

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legally protect and grow their online businesses using my DIY fill in the blank

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legal templates like contracts and website policies and my Ultimate Bundle program.

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So I hope that you're okay with this, but I actually had planned for an episode all about

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today whether or not you could get sued for putting out free content.

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But when I sat down to record this episode, I was just really feeling a catch up.

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So I talked to you about a lot of personal stuff in this episode and just really got

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into it, to be honest. So I shared all about some really big mindset shifts that have been

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helping me lately, a couple of little like mantras and things I've been telling myself

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that I've seen a really big improvement on.

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I talked about my journey with fitness, what's going on here at my house, some trips

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I've got coming up, a little tip and trick that I'm doing on Instagram that I hope will

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be helpful to you and how I'm doing on grief.

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So with that, I hope that you enjoy this episode.

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Hopefully it's cool with you that I decided to switch things up, but I so appreciate you

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listening. Once you do, send me a DM on Instagram at @SamVanderWielen and let me know

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if you liked this episode.

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And if you also think that a friend would benefit from this or enjoy my podcast in

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general, do me a favor and go ahead and forward them this episode real quick.

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You can just text them a link.

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It's super helpful.

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You also won't want to miss Thursday's episode because it's our 100th episode of On

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Your Terms, which I cannot believe.

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It's going to come out on Thursday.

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And I'm going to share all my best podcast tips and tricks, but I'm also going to share

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the details about a tech savvy giveaway.

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I'm giving away my favorite podcast tech tools to one lucky listener.

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So go ahead and listen to our episode on Thursday as well.

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Thank you so much for being here.

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I hope you enjoy.

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episode grab bag.

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I've had a lot of different things that have been on my mind from like a marketing

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perspective, business perspective, life stuff that I was just like, you know what, it

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would just be fun to chat.

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So if you don't mind, let's take a little break from most legal stuff.

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I have one little legal tip I'm going to give you in here.

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But today, we're going to talk about some of the kind of like mindset and I would say

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motivation techniques I've been using lately that I found really helpful for business,

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stuff I have going on here at the house with our renovation, some really exciting things I

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have coming up in the business, and some changes I've made on social media that I

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wanted to share with you.

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All kinds of stuff.

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with a lot of my friends, and it's actually come up in my mindset sessions with Jen Diaz,

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my mindset coach. And so we were talking about how when I have really, really, really

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big wins in the business, whether it's a huge promo or big sales month or I secure

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like kind of a more like media type thing that I'm like, oh, I can't believe we got

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that, or I can't believe I got invited to speak there, I am very excited.

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However, I also always think like, you know.

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Let me give you an example.

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We just had a promo that was way bigger, like multi, multi, multi six figures, way,

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way, way, way bigger than I ever thought I could do a promo.

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Didn't intend to make it that big.

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It wasn't even part of the goal or the plan.

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Like we always make good, better and best goals for our promos and this was like way

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higher than our best.

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I call it the Harvard of our goals because we always have like a little bit of a reach

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goal, you know.

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wow, I can't believe we did that, right.

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But I also think, like, whenever that happens, instead of being like, wow, that far

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exceeded what my goal was.

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So like, that's just my new goal.

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Or like, I'm going to go back to my best goal anyway because this might have been a

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fluke or like all the different mindset things that we can put ourselves through and

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this kind of stuff happens.

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Instead, I think, wow, if that was able to happen, if I didn't plan for this incredible

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promo or this result that I didn't think or getting invited to speak at this conference,

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what else is possible?

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Like what else is possible that I'm not thinking of?

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And I really use these opportunities to kind of open my mind and my heart to these ideas

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of maybe there's more possible than I think, and I'm going to remain open to that and set

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my sights high and also just kind of set my sights open.

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I kind of like to keep my goals and my, I don't know, my like, whatever I'm reaching

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for kind of flexible because it's like maybe I don't even know what's possible.

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Maybe I'm even like, what I would set as my best goal is not what I really could do best,

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you know, And I try to remain open to that idea.

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It's a really careful balance between contentment and really like remaining, I

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think, open to continuing to evolve as a business.

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It's something I'm constantly thinking about because I'm like, I'm super grateful.

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On the one hand, I don't take that for granted and I don't want to be one of those

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people who's like every day being like, okay, great, I got that sale.

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But now what else, what else, what else?

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Like constantly striving for more.

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I think it's just more like sitting in the wonder and the amazement of that, of being

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like, wow, that's incredible that we did that.

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And what else could that mean that's possible.

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It doesn't always have to be sales, by the way.

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Sales aren't everything.

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And I just thought I would pass on along or open up that conversation with you because

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I've been bringing this up to a lot of friends.

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And what I was saying to some of my friends who are starting to have some wins and like

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one of my close friends, she just turned on her Evergreen funnel and she texted me that

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she had her first Evergreen funnel sale, and it was a funnel that her and I had talked

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about a lot. And like I was giving a lot of feedback and tips and I guess it's a benefit

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to being able to text me.

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And so we were talking about it, and she was like, oh my gosh, I got this sale.

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I'm so excited. And I was like, you should totally relish in that first sale and

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celebrate the heck out of it, right?

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It's such a huge accomplishment.

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And I think it's so cool to start telling yourself every single day or every time

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something like this happens, I'm just getting started.

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This is only the beginning.

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I just think that that's like -- it feels to me like a little sprinkle of momentum that I

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give myself every day.

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And like I said, this has to be tempered with some contentment and appreciation and

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gratitude for what is happening and what is going well.

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But when things go well, it's not like, oh, this one thing happened and that was good and

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now it will all be over, right?

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I used to think like every time I had a high sales month, or I did something, it would be

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like that was great, but that's probably the end of it.

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Like it's all going to stop now.

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And it really opened me up to more success and just happier, more positive thoughts when

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I started being like, that's incredible and that is only the beginning.

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I'm just getting started.

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Like, watch me now, right?

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And I love having that attitude now and really sitting with the gratitude and being

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like, I am so grateful to the hundreds of people who bought the Bundle in the last

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week. And I cannot believe and cannot wait for what else is to come, because I know that

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this is just the beginning.

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I'm just getting started, whatever that means, right?

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So I think when good things happen, I've started to think this guy -- I heard this

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quote tonight at the gym, and I'm sorry that I don't know who, I looked it up.

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It was not attributed to anyone in particular.

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But I saw this quote at the gym that said, the sky isn't the limit.

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It's just the view.

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I was like, oh, I love that.

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Especially as somebody who's like nerdly obsessed with space but doesn't understand

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anything about it. I was thinking that it is true.

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When we look at the sky, that is not even close to being the limit of like what -- it's

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not the ceiling of what's possible, what's really out there.

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It's just what we can see.

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And so you might only be able to see what's right in front of you now.

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You might see the one client who just signed up or the one, your first Evergreen course

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purchase or something like this, but that's just the view.

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You're just getting started, right?

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So I want you to start thinking of this as to like, what else, what does it mean about

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what else is possible?

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What else is out there?

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Right. Incredible.

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Yeah.

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stuff. So if you've been listening for a while, you've probably heard me mentioned

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several times. And if you follow me on Instagram, you've seen me share about how we

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were building an extension at our house on the first floor for my dad, who sadly passed

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away last summer.

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And my dad had cancer and he wasn't in good health, so he needed something that was more

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on one floor. And obviously, I knew my dad wouldn't be around forever, but while he was

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here, I wanted him to have a space that he could come to here and stay for extended

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periods of time, and he would have his own space and it would be all really safe and on

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one level and all that kind of stuff.

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And I could have him here with me.

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And so unfortunately he passed away, but we were already too deep into it.

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I had already paid for it.

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I had already ordered all of the shingles and the windows and everything when he

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passed. And if anybody is dealing with home renovations or construction right now, you

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know things are super duper delayed.

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So we ordered, for example, we ordered the windows before my dad passed away and we

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still haven't even gotten them.

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So hopefully by the time you actually listen to this episode, the windows will be in my

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hands or on the side of the building.

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So we've been building that for several, several months.

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It's going to be really, really cool because it goes off the back of our house, kind of

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extends off of the dining room.

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It's going to be like a glass vestibule.

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I don't know why they use the term vestibule.

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It sounds very weird and sterile.

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It sounds like we're building a hospital, but it's kind of like a mudroom, I guess.

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Like landing room, mudroom, I don't know, because it's going to have glass doors on

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both sides. Can be a lot of glass, tiled floor, and it's going to lead into a deck

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area. And then on the other side, out to the side of our house.

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And then that will pass through to a hallway which will have a full bathroom.

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And then what was originally planned to be a laundry and cabinetry area, but now that my

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dad's not going to be there, we're putting more of like a coffee bar, butler's pantry

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cabinetry area.

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And then that hallway will end in a large bedroom, big room that has like a fireplace

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and a closet.

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And the majority of the room is glass.

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It's a lot, a lot of windows.

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And the entire back of the room that leads out to our beautiful, beautiful backyard is

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all glass.

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I'm really excited for it to be done.

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I hope by the time you listen to this, there's been a little more progress.

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It feels like watching paint dry, but they're doing such a beautiful job so far and

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I'll keep sharing about it as things are moving along on Instagram, but that's been

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really fun. As a business owner, though, it's been really interesting because like for

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having this kind of business, I don't personally mind working with noise or people

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talking like I can work just fine at like a coffee shop or something.

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But it is hard because there are a lot of disruptions and there are a lot of demands on

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me and my time and Ryan's time because there are a lot of decisions that have to be made

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and things keep going wrong and things get delayed.

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So that's been a lot.

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I did hire my friend Shila.

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I'll give a shout out to her in the show notes below.

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She owns a design company called SG23 Design.

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She's located outside of Philly in New Jersey, but she actually works with people

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virtually now. I'm up on the north shore of Long Island in New York.

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And she's been just incredible because she's been helping us to pick.

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Like there are just so many things to pick in terms of like finishes and all of the

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materials and all the things we have to order and then designing the fireplace and

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designing the cabinetry.

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It's been a lot and it's all a super huge privilege.

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Like this is all good problem to have, but I'm really, really grateful for her help.

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And highly recommend hiring somebody like that if you're doing a project of this size

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and like, you know, I feel like we're doing this once and I don't want to mess it up.

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So it's t's been really, really helpful.

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So shout out to Shila.

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Thank you, Shila, for helping us.

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So yeah, as a business owner, it's been a lot to kind of manage the disruptions.

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And in a good way, I think it's pushed me to be really flexible in terms of my recording

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schedule, my writing schedule.

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So basically what I'm doing, at least as of right now, is that whenever we have quiet

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time between trades, when the plumber is here and then he finishes up what he's doing,

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it's usually a couple of days between when the electrician comes or whatever.

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I'll be like, okay, I tell Lindsey on my team, my operations director, who's also the

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manager of my life/schedule, so I tell her like, hey, I got to record.

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I have a couple quiet days, right?

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I've also had to, over the last couple of months, knock out some episodes on the

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weekend, which I don't normally work very much on the weekend.

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If I do, it's more kind of like creative work, visionary work, but I'm more than happy

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to just get things done whenever it needs to.

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I just want to also have a break so that I can be more present during the week.

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And so I have, since constructions started, I have done things like to record quietly on

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a Sunday because nobody is ever here on a Sunday.

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They are here at 7:00 AM on a Saturday though, which is really fun.

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So that's been interesting.

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I've also had to get used to the fact that our house is completely open and has a lot of

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glass on it already and windows and stuff.

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And so I have to remember that when I come downstairs and be in more appropriate

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clothing and PJs and that kind of stuff.

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So I've been trying to keep all of that in mind.

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I've also been going to the gym consistently since November, which has been really, really

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helpful for many different reasons.

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I mean, for one, I feel really strong right now.

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I feel really strong. I can definitely feel my body changing and its composition changing

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and my posture is better and I have more energy.

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And yeah, just I personally love working out.

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So it's not it's not really an issue for me in terms of being motivated to go there.

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But for so many years, before my dad passed away, I was taking care of my dad and running

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this business at the same time.

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And I really kind of let my own health slide for a long time.

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And then after he passed away last summer, I didn't want to do anything.

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I didn't have the energy.

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Looking back the first couple of months, several months, I feel like I slept a lot.

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I remember sleeping a lot and was like very depressed, obviously, and very sad and all

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this kind of stuff.

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And in November around my birthday, I kind of felt this initial spark of like, I want to go

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to a gym. And I don't want to just, I personally don't like wandering around a gym

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and working out by myself.

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Controversial statement alert.

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I know. Some people really, really like that and they like doing their own thing.

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I just find myself, like, wandering around.

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I don't know what to do, even if I follow a program and I just really like the

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accountability. So I found this really cool place near me that offers their gym model,

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which is actually very cool, is based on how many times per month you want to work out

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with someone privately.

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And so I started with a trainer twice a week, the first or second week of November, and

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I've gone to the trainer twice a week every week since then.

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Consistently, I've never missed, never even canceled a session.

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And then on top of it, the gym that I'm going to has like these really, really cool

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classes. There's one class called Strong that I really like.

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And it's kind of like hit workouts, a lot of body weight stuff, but a lot of like there's

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TRX ropes and like medicine balls and free weights and stuff too.

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And I really, really like it.

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So I go to that one to two times on top of everything else.

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Other days I walk, I stretch, I do mobility stuff.

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I have a bum shoulder still from last summer when I started playing tennis like a crazy

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person. After my dad died, I partially tore it.

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I don't know if I've told anyone this.

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I partially tore my rotator cuff in my labrum and it's still kind of messed up.

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But actually, working out has been the first thing -- I went to PT but working out has

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actually been the first real signs of improvement that I've seen since last summer.

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So it's really helped me with that.

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I also wanted to mention this working out thing because, well, for one, I've seen an

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improvement in like mental health since doing this, and especially with dealing with

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grief. I get really emotional when I work out too, so sometimes it actually makes me

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cry but that's a good thing.

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But also, because as a business owner, I sometimes will find myself at the gym, like

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if there's a class I really love that like goes a little later into the morning than I

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would like, I'll be like, oh, I shouldn't be doing this.

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I should be working, I should be knocking out all the things on my to do list.

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And I think one of the greatest things I've learned as a business owner, especially one

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who's gone through an immense amount of personal struggles since starting the

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business, is that that kind of stuff is just like being at that gym, being in the class if

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I like it, if I really get like joy out of that and that helps me, that that is just as

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valuable as something I could post on Instagram or just as valuable, something I

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would write or record this podcast.

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Because when I sit down to do this, I'm in a much better place.

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I have better ideas.

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I'm definitely more inspired and I think I'm more inspiring.

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And so I just don't want it to like, I don't want you to discount.

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Maybe for you it's not going to the gym.

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It could be going to an art class or walking with a friend or doing whatever, but that you

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feel guilty about like, oh, I shouldn't be doing this.

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I should be working.

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Like this very old school clear definition of what it means to be working all the time.

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And if I'm not doing that, then I'm lazy or I'm not productive.

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And if I see any issues in my business, it's because of that, right?

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It's really easy to go to that place.

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And so I just wanted to share this because I feel like ever since I started this fitness

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journey and have committed to a lot of time during my week and during my workday to

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taking care of my body and my mental health and my mindset that I think actually things

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have gotten better in the business.

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And I've always seen that in the past when I've taken some time to really focus on or

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develop something within myself, I come back to the business a better person.

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So I just wanted to remind you about that.

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Speaking of mental health and all that kind of stuff, I thought I would share a grief

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update because from time to time since my dad passed, I've talked about it here and

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there. But, you know, I don't know how much I have to say about this just because I feel

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like probably around the time that I did start this his fitness and strength journey

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back in November, I was still crying pretty much every day.

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Not all day, but something would come up and, you know, or sometimes I would have a

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day where I cried a lot during that day.

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And I feel like it was still pretty regular at that point.

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But recently I felt like I've had strings of days where I've looked back and been like,

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oh, I don't think I've cried.

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And I don't mean to say that because it's like a badge of honor or like a good thing if

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you don't cry. It just kind of showed me that I maybe wasn't having as many of those

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moments throughout the day that were as tough.

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It also sometimes makes me think like, am I still dealing with it?

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Am I processing it? Am I ignoring it?

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Am I stuffing it down?

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I'm the president of Overthinkers International.

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So I'm always thinking about this stuff, but I'm just sharing my kind of honest thoughts.

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I'm not a grief specialist.

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I don't know. I go to therapy for this every single week and I'm doing the best I can.

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But I just wanted to share with you, like in real time, that's kind of what comes up for

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me. I feel like the only things that really helped me.

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I was thinking about this actually at the gym this morning.

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I was thinking like I was looking for a podcast to listen to while I was walking and

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I don't really listen to business podcast because I already have a terrible affliction

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where I think about business 24/7 so I try to listen to other stuff.

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And I was thinking about how a lot of people have recommended all these like grief

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podcasts and grief resources and grief books and all these things.

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And I haven't wanted to read or to listen to them yet, and I feel badly about that.

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I'm like, shouldn't I be listening to all these grief podcasts because it's going to

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get me through, it's going to help me.

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I feel like there's a grief podcast going on in my head 24/7 so like, I just don't feel

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like I want to absorb more of that right now.

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And there's nothing wrong with people who do want to absorb more than that.

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I'm just not feeling it.

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And I guess I just wanted to share that because I was like, if maybe someone else

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feels a little guilty about like not wanting to absorb more content around the amount of

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grief that they're feeling, maybe you share that too.

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I don't know. Or maybe you finally get immense amount of support and that's

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fantastic. Like, that's why they exist, right?

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That's why support groups exist, that's why these books exist.

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I just don't feel like it right now.

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It's not like I don't feel like I need it.

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I just like don't want it right now.

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And I'm giving myself the permission and the space and grace to do that.

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And I go to therapy, and I find that super helpful.

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I vent to friends.

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I was trying to think of like, what does feel good to me right now?

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Like therapy, venting, doing things that I would have done with my dad.

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I go to restaurants.

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My dad loved diners and I love diners too.

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Who am I kidding? But I'll go to a diner, then I'm like, oh, my dad would have loved

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this diner. And that's where I go, right?

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And every once in a very, very great while, I go to Olive Garden to honor him, because he

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loved Olive Garden. And I bring his hat and I go and have lunch, like where he would have

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wanted to go. I'm just going to be honest with you.

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Sometimes I talk to him as if he's here.

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I find that helpful.

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It always kills me. I always break down crying, but I sometimes just get this really

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overwhelming urge to be like, I just want to talk to you.

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I just want to talk to you and just pretend for a minute that you're still here, you

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know? And I don't know, it makes me feel good.

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So what's the difference?

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Honestly, I think that's personally how this kind of grief has felt and having kind of a

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traumatic experience at the end, having a lot of other trauma in my life, having

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another parent who I'm anticipatorily grieving right now, I am just like I am out

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of F's. And so I'm kind of going from a grief perspective with what works for me

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right now. And so if me sharing this with you gives you permission to give less F's and

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go with what feels good to you, then it's a win.

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And I'm glad that I shared.

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So I hope that that's helpful.

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I also wanted to share that I think when you listen to this episode, yeah, I'm about to

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leave for Mexico.

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I'm going to a business retreat that I'm really excited about and there are like a

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number of people going on this retreat that I know online already.

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So I get to meet in real life, which I'm really, really excited about.

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So you'll see me sharing a lot about that on Instagram in the next couple of days.

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I'm just hoping to get some sun and relax, and I hope that the weather is beautiful.

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Either way, who cares? It will be in Mexico, so that's really cool.

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And then I wanted to share like a, I don't know, it's kind of an updated thought or tip

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:

on Instagram stories in case this is helpful for you.

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So one of the things -- I don't know if you have the feature because I didn't have it for

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a while, but now I have it.

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If you have the feature of the 60-second stories, one of the things I've really liked

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doing lately is taking little snippets of my day throughout the day, a few seconds worth

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of a video clip of anything you're doing, making coffee, working at your computer,

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taking the dog for a walk, playing with your kids, whatever it is.

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And then at the end of the day, or even sometimes just the next day, not everything

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has to be in real time.

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It's okay. The next day, I will use the app Inhot.

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And so I use the free version of InShot.

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I'll make sure we link to it below, but I use the app Inhot and I stitch those clips

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together. It's super easy to do.

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Sometimes I have to shorten them a little bit or speed them up or whatever, but I do

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that. I put them into InShot and then I create them almost as like a little vlog of

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my day. And I use that to either show behind the scenes content on Instagram stories.

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So instead of sharing a million different times throughout the day, I give this shorter

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:

clip. Also, it's a really good thing for you to stitch together and use as the background

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:

of a reel, and then you could put, text like do text overlay or do like a tip or something

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:

like that. And I also think you could use it for stories to set up a kind of like a call

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:

to action for some content that you're sharing or something that you're

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promoting.

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It seems like people really like that.

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You'll have to let me know if you see my stories and you like seeing that.

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I always like seeing little snippets behind people's days.

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Like I like knowing what people are up to and how they, I don't know, how they

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structure their day, what their hobbies are, a little sneak peek into their life.

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I think it's my nosiness factor, which I've told you about before.

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So let me know if that's still helpful.

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I did get a question.

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Speaking of Instagram, I got a legal question.

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It's the only legal thing I'm going to say, but I got a question in the day about free

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content of saying can I -- do I have to be worried about what free content I have?

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I'm not currently selling anything.

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I'm just like, what if I have content on my website or content on Instagram or TikTok, is

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that a problem to you?

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:

I just want to quickly say that yes, you do from a legal standpoint, have to "worry"

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:

about what you say and do online.

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I think there's a little bit of a myth that you only have to worry about the stuff that

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you get paid for, to do with clients or the courses that you sell or something like

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:

that, but we're still held accountable for even free content.

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So somebody could see something that you put online and then say like, oh, so and so told

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me to try this and I had this negative effect, this impact, and now I'm suing you

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:

for it.

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which is why I sell legal templates for your website or mini disclaimers for your content

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:

and all of this kind of stuff, because it's not just client contracts that we need.

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:

So that's that.

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Well, that was my little catch up.

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I was just thinking it would be fun to kind of share what's been going on, what's been on

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my mind and my heart.

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I really appreciate you listening.

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I hope that you like the podcast, all 99 episodes of it.

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:

And on Thursday, I'm going to have not only my 100th episode, but it's going to be a

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:

special episode dedicated to sharing with you all about podcasting.

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:

So podcast tips, like my tech tools, what I use, how I've worked on increasing downloads,

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:

like majorly have skyrocketed downloads in the last several months, how I've worked on

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:

integrating my content and reusing and repurposing.

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:

So I'm going to kind of spill my podcast guts to you on Thursday in the 100th episode.

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And to celebrate the fact that it is our 100th episode, I'm also going to be giving

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one lucky listener a tech package of my favorite podcast tech tools, so you won't

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:

want to miss Thursday's episode.

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:

Thank you so much for listening.

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:

Please send me a DM on Instagram at Sam Vander Wheelan and let me know if you've

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:

listened and if you liked this episode, what it brought up for you.

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:

I love hearing from you.

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:

And if you think a friend would like this episode too, just go ahead and forward it to

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:

them real quick. It means a lot to me and it helps to spread the word.

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:

So with that, I'll see you on Thursday for my 100th episode.

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I can't believe it. See you then.

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:

Thanks so much for listening to the On Your Terms podcast.

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:

Make sure to follow on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you like to listen to

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:

podcast. You can also check out all of our podcast episodes, show notes, links and more

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:

at samvanderwielen.com/podcast.

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:

You can learn more about legally protecting your business and take my free legal

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:

workshop, Five Steps to Legally Protect and Grow Your Online Business at samvanderwielen

Sam Vander Wielen:

:

.com. And to stay connected and follow along, follow me on Instagram at @SamVanderWielen

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