How to Break Free from the Victim Mentality and Create an Abundance Mindset

Hello, and welcome to Spirit Sherpa, the show that helps and encourages you on your journey to unlock your magic mojo. I'm Jules, your co-host. If you're new to this type of work, please start with episode one. If you're an i- intermediate student, please start with episode 98.

And advanced students, you can fast-forward all the way to episode 200. With me as always to share her insights and wisdom is the spirit doctor, Kelle Sparta. Hey, Kelle. Hey, Jules. Good. How are you? I'm doing much better now that I'm over the crud. I had the sinus infection and the cough and the bleh, so I'm much better now.

My, my husband gave that gift to me as well, and I am just coming out the other side. I'm still dealing with the exhaustion. So my... I actually had him do some energy work on me just before we started 'cause I'm like, "I can't be upright." The,

the, the tiredness is the thing. I, and I still have the, uh, phantom coughs every now and then too, yeah. 'Cause they just, you know, they like to come and hang out at night, and I'm like, "No, I really don't want it." So, but yeah, that's a thing. Yeah. We were, we, um, you know, Mucinex is my friend, man. And down, down here in Panama, they don't actually sell Mucinex.

They, they have Guaifenesin or Guaifenesin or whatever it is, the, the generic name of it, but it's in a liquid form. So it's like, you know, it, it's pretty disgusting tasting. I was gonna say- But- ... that, is that, is that worse than the, was it the Vicks Formula 44 or, or, or, you know, the cough medicine that's like boo?

It's equivalent, yes. It has no mint flavor, but yeah, it's, it's equivalent. Yeah. I was, I was throwing everything at the kitchen sink. I had antibiotics. I had herbal stuff going. I had reiki going. I had a can y'all just help a sister out going. I had everything going. Yep. I, I was visiting into the archetypal energies of radiant health and that, you know, you name it, I've done it, and my body's just like, "Sleep, bitch.

Sleep." And I'm like, "All right." And except that, you know, then it didn't let me sleep at night. So like night before last I got three hours sleep all night, just there was no sleeping. So yeah, last night I actually slept. That's a bonus. So. My husband and I are both allergic to like hydrocodone, so anytime, like from his knee surgery, whatever, he has Tramadol.

So it's a pain med, but you know, you can still function during the day, right? And um, so he took that. Well, lo and behold, that calms your cough at night. That was the only way I was able to sleep on those bad nights. I took a half a Tramadol, knocked myself out, and then of course, I mean, I was st- you know, staying home from work anyway, but, but just to get the sleep to- 'Cause at night, nighttime is my horrible time, just cough and cough and cough.

And it just, I don't know what it did, but within 20 minutes I stopped coughing, and then relaxed me, went to sleep. It was wonderful. Yeah, I didn't really have cough, so I just, I had a lot of postnasal drip, but, um, not, not a lot of cough. I did a lot of cough drops to stave off the sore throat, but, but yeah, I was doing okay with the coughing.

One night I did have to sleep halfway upright, though. Oh, yeah. The, the recliner was, was my friend too. That was for sure. Yeah. So enough about being sick, damn it. Yes. Well, we're survivors of being sick, but- Yeah, no, no, no, I'm not a, I'm not a, I'm not, no. But- I'm not claiming that shit, and I'll tell you why in a minute.

We're, we're not gonna claim that 'cause y'all, I told her, I was like, "Well, we survived it." She was like, "No, we didn't. We are not survivors. Stop that." So because today we're gonna talk about victim and survivor archetype. So All right, so, uh, for me and everyone else, I am not a survivor of this, 'kay? Why is that a bad thing?

Why, what, what am I instead? I'm well. I'm well. Okay. You wanna- Okay ... you wanna claim what you want, not what you had or what you were, right? Because in order to be a survivor, you're still associating with the victim archetype. 'Cause if you were never a victim, you can't be a survivor. And to claim, and we've talked about this on the podcast before, but I wanna take this, and we're gonna take this into a more subtle level now.

We're in, we're in a deeper level of knowing, right? When you claim survivor, you, especially if you claim it as an identity, which there is a big identity for survivor, right? Um, when you claim it as an identity, then what you do in order to reinforce the identity is you will draw to you more things to have to survive because you have claimed it as an identity.

So the first thing that popped into my head was, like, if you're, like, a, y- I've heard a lot of people say, "I'm a cancer survivor. I'm a rape survivor." So these very traumatic events, and then that's how they identify as part of their identity, so that's kinda what we don't want to do. Mm-mm. That's why I tell people, I'm like, "Get away from s-", I'm like, "Yes, you have to go through survivor to get out of it, but you wanna go through it.

Don't stay there." Okay, that's not the, that's not the end of the journey. No. Okay. No, you've gotta get into, you've gotta get past the point where you're defining yourself by your trauma. This is the thing, is when we define ourselves by our trauma, then we draw more trauma to us to support that self-definition.

Would that be the same type of trauma, or I guess it could be, or maybe some different kind of trauma? Could be could be something else. Just anything that supports the ch- the survivor mindset, right? Yeah, the survivor often goes through warrior too, right? You're like, "I'm a survivor. I'm a warrior," right?

And you, you m- you may, I mean, fuck, my last name is Sparta, God damn it. I ... You own that shit. I was in my warrior when I picked that name, you know? I, I picked that name when I was 28 and divorcing my first husband, and I was just like, "I'm not going back to being the naive girl I used to be, and I am certainly not keeping that guy's name."

So I picked a name that I had been using as a pen name for years, and Sparta. I was like, "Yes, that feels strong and powerful to me." And, uh, and yeah, um, it was very much a holding on to the warrior, right? And why did I need the warrior? Because I felt unsafe, right? That's- And so you're holding the warrior pretty hard.

And to me, Sparta doesn't mean what it used to mean anymore. You know, it's just a name to me now. It's not the huh, huh, you know? It's not that argh, you know? I, I was... Man, if I knew how to do the haka back in the day, I would've been doing that haka thing, man, right? I'd have been like the, the Maori warriors, right?

But, uh, you know, it, it, it's all a response to trauma, right? It's all a, a reaction and a coping mechanism to try and control the way that we feel. And so, you know, this becomes its own challenge. So i- the thing I wanna talk about, though, is, and, and you know, we talked about this piece before, right? We've had this conversation before, but what I wanna talk about is the fact that it actually infiltrates your whole life, okay?

It's not just your personality or things like that. It's also, like, your finances My finances Oh, yeah. It's totally in your finances. Yeah. So, so, you know, we feel like we are a victim to the money that we have or don't have, to the expenses that show up along the way, to- That we feel out of control around money in a lot of ways, and we're not actually out of control around money.

We may not be happy about the money we have at any given moment, but we're never out of control around it, right? I mean, occasionally, there'll be a surprise expense, but there's also usually some sort of surprise windfall occasionally as well, right? So you know, you might get a winning lottery ticket, or you might...

your car might suddenly break down, right? But, you know, your car was already 15 years old, and you hadn't been properly maintaining it for a while, so were you really out of control around that expense? Hmm, you probably weren't really control, out of control out of that expense. You could have anticipated that your 15-year-old car that wasn't being maintained was probably gonna break down at some point, right?

If you, if you step into responsibility around that. Now, now you may go, "Well, I didn't have the money to fix it." Okay, I'm sure that was true, but were you out of control around that? Could you have gone and gotten another job that would've paid you more or gotten a better job? Could you have gotten some training that could have gotten you more?

Could you have started a side gig? Could you... You know, there, there's all kinds of things that you were in control of that you didn't do, right? And, and I can hear people going, "I don't have time for that. Da, da, da, da, da. Brp, brp, brp, brp. I'm very upset right now." This is... There's a reason I waited in five years into this podcast to talk about this, okay?

Um, and, and the thing is, is that we don't... W- If you get upset about it when I say stuff like this, that's your victim energy coming up and claiming victim, okay? We all have the same 24 hours in a day, okay? Does... Is it hard to go start another side gig or to go get another skill or to get another job or whatever it does?

Is it risky? Yeah. I'm not gonna say it isn't. But you don't... I mean, I was gonna say you don't get to, but you absolutely could just sit there and go, "Mm, mm, mm. Da, da, da," right? You can do it. It's okay. You're, you're entitled, right? But your life will not get better, okay? Your life is not gonna get better because you are engaging in the victim-survivor mindset, okay?

Now, here's the thing I've told the story about my roommate that I had, uh, when I lived in Boston who, who told me that every month I would say, "I don't know where the money's gonna come from to pay rent next month." Right? And every month I would say this to her, and she was like four months living in the house, and she, she looked at me one day, and I'd just said it again, and she said, "Are you aware that you say this to me every month, and every month you come up with money?"

And I was like, "I was not aware that we had this conversation every month." She's like, "Every month. Every month we have the same conversation, and every month you pay your bills." And I was like, "Okay, I will stop that drama." Right? Because that's what it was. It's drama. Okay? I always manifested the money, so why was I having drama about it except that I was in love with the, the victim survivor mindset.

Okay? This is the thing, is it... A- and it's so subtle sometimes, right? You know, you're like, "Well, I, I have a right to be worried about whether or not I can pay my bills." It's like, but really, do you? I mean, d- yeah, you have a right to, but what, what does it serve? What purpose does it serve? 99.9% of the things we worry about don't actually come to fruition, right?

They don't happen. It's like, so how much energy are we wasting on that? A lot, right? How much energy are you wasting playing the games on your phone? A lot, right? Or watching Netflix or, you know, whatever it is that you spend the vast majority of your time doing. B- uh, sc- doom- doom scrolling on whatever social media you're doing.

I've- I gotta tell you, if you are flipping out right now because of the, the war that's happening, um, I- I- uninvest. That's what I gotta say to you. Uninvest. I talked to a spiritual teacher the other day who was a wreck because she was invested in the stuff that was happening and the atrocities, and she's just like, "I, I, I..."

I'm like... She's like, "I'm, I'm sending all the energy I can," da, da, da. I'm like, "Stop." And she's, "What?" I said, "It is damaging your health. Your suffering over the things that are happening to others does not lessen their suffering. All it does is make you suffer. It doesn't actually accomplish anything for them, and it absolutely hurts you."

Okay? Do what you can do. If there's a protest to be done, if there's a congressman to be called or a senator to be called, if there's a vote to be had, if there's money to be sent, sent, whatever it is you can do, do it and then let it go 'cause there is nothing more for you to do, and no amount of your energy is gonna make a difference.

This is a trauma response. We want to witness others because we were not witnessed in our trauma. That is why we do this. We're like, "Oh, no, I have to pay attention because nobody paid attention to me when I was in pain." Okay? It's not gonna change what happened to you. Your time is better spent witnessing and acknowledging your own pain than witnessing and ackno- acknowledging the pain of others that you can do nothing about.

Okay? Once you have done what there is to be done, let go. Okay? Everything else that you do is self-abuse. It is investing in that survivor/victim mentality. Okay, so that's still all, all a part of it? Yes. I survived and therefore it's my responsibility to notice the pain of others. You're still invested in the survivor/victim mentality.

Okay? So what you need to do instead is step into the thriver mentality. Okay? So it's not a duality reality. Okay? Duality is victim/survivor, right? I'm either a victim or I'm a survivor, which not really, because you're both, right? You can't be one without the other, right? Mm-hmm. So, well, you can't be a survivor without the victim.

But in, um... So what you have to step into is into a place of, of, um, faith in the universe, trust in the universe. So, you know, if you look in your bank account and there's not enough money to pay the bills at the end of the month, then you've, you've gotta step into, "Oh, well that's strange. The universe always takes care of me.

I wonder how it's gonna happen." Okay? You, you notice you laughed. You were like, right? Where's that... You're like, "Ugh." But I, I'm, I'm dead serious. Yeah. Well, I, 'cause I, I was, I was approaching it from a little bit different perspective. Um, also, what I think, you know, people get into is, "Oh, well, it's, it's not my fault.

It's not my fault that I decided to spend said money on blahbity blah blah blah or not do a budget or live within my means. So I have more month at, at... I have, uh, I don't have enough money at the end of the month." So I was more like it's self-accountability. Yes and no. Yes and no. So think of it differently because the accountability still has a blame factor associated, right?

And when you're in blame, because you're like, "Well, it's not my fault," fault is blame. Okay? So you, you wanna stay out of blame. You wanna stay out of that energy because that is judgment energy, and judgment energy is just stuck down in this low vibration energy. Okay? So it, it is important to be responsible for things because with great responsibility comes great power.

When you take responsibility for your finances or anything in your life, uh, you take power over them, right? When- Right. That, that, that's where I was going ... you point the finger... Yeah, when you point the finger at something else, then the, your power goes with wherever your finger is pointed, right? And again, we've had this conversation before, but we're gonna deepen the conversation now.

So, um, so you, you do have to take responsibility for it, but I would like you to think of it more as what is my relationship with money, okay? Instead of, you know, am I controlling it? Because control is a safety defense mechanism that's based in victim survivor. Okay? So in- instead, I want you to dance with it, to flow with it, to be in the energy of relationship and yummy goodness with it, right?

Not just for yourself in this moment, but for your future self as well, right? So it's, it's a different energy than c- you know, control, right? So what you need to be in is, is this good for me, right? Is this choice that I'm about to make good for me, right? And s- that choice can be around, am I gonna engage in the drama when I know that I always pay my bills at the end of the month?

Am I going to engage in the drama that spikes my cortisol levels and gets me all upset and freaks me out and shuts me down and, and puts me in resistance around getting things done and all the other stuff? Or am I gonna just let it go and trust that the universe is gonna deliver as it always does and do the work that I know I need to do to be part of it, right?

So that's a choice, right? Do I choose... So for instance, my husband and I bought a, a hot tub about nine months before we moved. Okay? And I am still paying on that hot tub, right? 'Cause we, we had a zero interest loan on it and stuff, so there's been no reason to pay it off early. But, you know, I'm now here, and I want another hot tub.

And so my, my deal has been, you know, we bought a top of the line hot tub at the time we bought it, and found out we didn't use any of the jets. And it's like, well, I don't need the jets then, right? So we're looking at a much cheaper hot tub now because why pay for what you don't need? And so, you know, is it going to be the same lay back in the plush plastic thing with the jets and the blah, blah?

No. It's gonna be a much smaller scaled down version. One, because we're renting here. We haven't picked a house that we wanna buy or build yet. And so I don't wanna install something that's freaking ridiculous. So we're gonna, we're gonna buy a blow-up hot tub for where we are. Oh, I've seen those. Those are very cool.

Yeah. And that's because it serves our need in this moment, right? Now, will I, will I eventually want something else? Yeah, probably. I don't know. We'll see. Right? But right now it is both fiscally responsible to pick something that is less, you know, extravagant, um, and makes life easier in the long run and whatever, whatever, whatever, right?

But the point is that I'm making a decision that is yummy for me, right? I could be punishing myself for still paying on the old hot tub that I don't own anymore, right? That's a mindset I could go into. I could be like, "Ugh, you're still making payments on that." Right? And it... But, but why? I am in great gratitude that, that, that hot tub was the center of our existence.

We got in it every morning. It was our place to connect. It was our happy place. We spent a freak ton of money to put that thing in. And then we left six months later. It took, took four months to even get it in the first place, and then six months later we were gone. But, but I'm not unhappy about that, right?

Because it was, we got our benefit out of it, right? And so, you know, I can't imagine what life would've been like without it, and that's the, the key, right? You have to look at yourself and say, okay, you know, you, you make decisions based on what you know in the moment And it was a statement for me of my success, and it was a statement for me of my abundance because I had the money to buy it.

I did it on a, on a payment plan because it was 0% interest and why should I not use somebody else's money if I have if I can, right? So, um, but, you know, that sort of thing. And then, you know, I could sit here and, and say, "Oh, well, I can't have something else until I pay that off." And that's how a punitive thought mind process would work, right?

It's like, you know, that's gotta happen. And it's like, well, yeah, maybe. You know? It, it's like there's, there's good debt and then there's bad debt, right? Good debt lets you make more money or buys you an asset. That's good debt. And, you know, if you look at the richest people on the planet, they are, are very highly leveraged, and that's because they know how to use debt to make more money, right?

Bad debt is I buy something that's consumable or depreciable, right? So I, I bought groceries on my credit card. I bought something that is going to depreciate, like a car. A car is bad debt because cars depreciate, right? Um, that sort of thing. But the point isn't about... I, I'm getting off, I'm getting off track.

But the point is, the point is that The survivor victim mentality has us abusing ourselves for choices that we've made, okay? Because we're trying to control to prevent the same things from happening again, okay? So anytime you're in control, you're in that survivor victim mentality. Anytime you're in judgment, you're in that survivor victim mentality.

So everything else is just information, right? So I look at that hot tub purchase, and I go, "Okay, information. We don't need jets. We don't use them," right? Information, right? I don't wanna move a big hot tub. Information. Okay, what are my options? I really want a hot tub. Let's get a blow-up one. Okay, so we're doing that research now 'cause I just found out that you could have a hot- a blow-up hot tub and leave it up.

I thought you had to take it down, and I didn't know that, so, um, but these sorts of things are information, right? And so to step into the abundance mindset, you have to step into, one, belief that the universe is gonna take care of you because you are the universe, okay? So when you stop abusing yourself, the universe will stop abusing you, okay?

So when you can step into to good self-care, when you can step into taking care of yourself, not just now, but future you, then you will find that the universe lines up to support that, okay? Now, when you can step into that energy, now it's all about being in the flow. And now it's about saying, "Okay, I'm in the flow- And I'm going to tell the universe the level of income that I'm living at right now is not where I wanna be.

I wanna be at this level. And then instead of being upset or angry or demanding or whatever, you have to look at what is actual and compare it to what your expectations are, and notice the cognitive dissonance between the two. Okay? And so when we have cognitive dissonance, it means that our brains go, «Wait, that ain't right.»

That's literally what cognitive dissonance means, okay? Your, your expectations are not what reality is and, and you're literally confused, and you're like, «Wait, what? What are you talking about? That, that's not right.» You know? And then from there, you don't have to figure out the how. I'm gonna say that again.

You don't have to figure out the how. What you have to do is task the universe and say, «This is the income level I want to be at.» And it needs to be something you can believe in, by the way. Needs to be... Y- you can't, like, say, «I wanna make a million dollars» when you're making 50 grand. You, you won't, you won't have a point of reference for that, right?

But you could say, «I can make 100 grand» when you're making 50 grand, 'cause you know what having twice as much money in your life would feel like, okay? You don't have a point of reference for a million, so you gotta do this in stages, right? But there is a, uh... When you do that and you say, «I'm gonna be making 100 grand» let's just use 100 grand 'cause that's a nice round number.

«I'm gonna be making 100 grand.» And you look at the universe and you expect it to show up, and you're like, «Okay, I'm, I'm, I'm making 100 grand a year. You tell me how.» And you just pay attention. Now, this could come in the form of a job offer. It could come in the form of a business opportunity. It could come in the form of, um, somebody offering to give you money It could come in the form of, you know, 15 different songs on the radio that caught your attention, and they all say the same thing and tell you something, right?

Um, it, it could come in the form of a dream. It could come in any number of ways, so you have to be freaking paying attention and tell the universe, make it freaking obvious. Okay? But y- if you're not paying attention, if you're stuck in, i- if you're... If you say this to the universe and you go back into your mindset of woe is me, doom and gloom, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, I can't pay my bills, blah, blah, then you're, you're...

it's like canceling your order with the universe, 'cause you're investing in the opposite. What you focus on expands, so if you're focusing on the misery, you're gonna get more misery. Okay? So what you have to focus on is this is the money that you're expecting, and in the moments where it shows up that you don't have it, you need to truly be confused.

Be like, "I... What do you mean I don't have... That doesn't make any sense. I'm supposed to have this. Where is it?" Not in an, not in an entitlement way, not in a, "You didn't give it to me. Where is it?" That's the victim energy again, right? It's, it's literally as in, "Somebody get their wires crossed? Because I know I placed this order.

Hey, hey, customer service, what's going on? Everybody okay over there? Somebody get sick? 'Cause, you know, I didn't get my 100 grand." It comes back, "It's inflation," so

But you see the difference, right? Yeah. Big difference there. But it also means that you have to actually take action when the universe gives you the instructions, and that action may be uncomfortable. That action may have you working 60, 70 hours a week- It could ... with very little sleep, but you know. It could also have you- You're gonna make it ha- ma-

quitting your current job- Mm-hmm ... and going somewhere random. Okay? The universe will give you... So there, before I, when I published my, my, uh, it might still actually be on there, I think it is, the, the Walkabout Journey on my blog on my, my website actually has the title You Want Me To Do What? Because that's the shit, right?

That is the stuff I'm talking about. You will get the you want me to do what response from yourself when you hear the thing to do. When you have that response, the universe is giving you a direction, and you need to freaking listen. Also, the inspirations, like, "Hey, what..." You know, I'm kind of... You know, I really...

I'm making this up. I love to paint. Wonder if, you know, I could get p- you know, paid for my paintings or sell them? You know, I just had this crazy idea. That's the universe maybe that's tapping you on the shoulder going, "We're giving you that crazy idea so you can get to your financial goals that you have."

Yes, and it may not be obvious. It may not even be that the thing is obvious. It may simply be that you... Like, there's a guy on TikTok who was inspired to clean up the waterways in, I think he's in the UK somewhere, um, maybe in Scotland. I'm not sure. Um, but he was just inspired to do it, and he, he set up a tripod and he just started cleaning and he, he recorded TikToks about it.

And now people pay him to clean u- They, they send him gifts To help him clean up the waterways, and he doesn't work for a living anymore, he just goes and does that. They pay- Mm-hmm ... his entire salary to go and do the thing he was inspired to do that makes him feel good, right? So, I mean, you, you, c- it, that you could- I- who knew, right?

Who knew that that would happen, right? This guy's just trying to inspire people. His daughter was looking at this dirty, dirty l- landscape, and he didn't want it for his daughter, and so he went to clean it up and he filmed it to inspire other people to do the same thing. And suddenly people are sending him gifts and helping him, and he's like, "I, I, I get to do this now."

And it's not just a hobby to be a good person, you know? So this is, this is the sort of thing that, you know, the universe will often give you instructions, and we ignore them all the time, right? We ignore them all the time. And so, you know, the key is you gotta get outta your head, you gotta get out of trying to figure it out, and you gotta wait and see what shows up.

See what the message that it brings to you is, okay? It, it will almost certainly take you longer than it tha- than you hope it would, because we all want shit yesterday, right? So, you know, it, it, it w- may take months for you to get your response. Be patient. Be patient. Sit with it, okay? Don't start spending like you have the money until you have it.

That's the responsibility piece, right? But pay attention and follow where the universe takes you. And you may get a piece here and a piece there and a piece in the other place, and that's okay, right? But stay out of that victim survivor space. Stay out of that control space. Stay out of that judgment space because those spaces don't bring you joy, and joy is the foundation of abundance, right?

And when somebody offers you something, you know, if somebody wants to give you money, say yes, unless it's a scam where they want you to pay them to do it, you know? Well, yeah. Yeah. Or, or buy your lunch or- Yeah. Oh, buy me lunch ... you know, stuff like that. Yes. All day. Yeah. All day. Yeah. Right? Yeah. It's like, yes, I'm happy to be- Trust me.

Yes. Yes. Right? Exactly. 'Cause what happens, and I can speak from my own experience, when I was, uh, "Oh, no, I'll get my own lunch." Honey, I started saying yes to people, you know, buying me lunches or what- or like my mom, you know, she'll, "Here's some money for your lunch," you know, and, and all that. And it, then things just started happening more than once.

You know, I'd be sitting in, you know, a restaurant or whatever and my ticket gets paid for by an anonymous person. So it, it, it happens, and that is also universe's way of helping you out, you know? And reinforcing that you made the right choice. They reward good behavior. Ooh, that's a great Kelleism. They re- they reward, universe rewards good behavior Yes.

There you go. There's your Kelleism. See? All set. This has been quite interesting. Love it. So yeah, if you guys have, uh, if you guys have enjoyed this conversation and you really wanna figure out how not to step into your inner victim, um, and, and to stay out of that victim survivor mo- mentality, and to really step out of fear, and anxiety, and worry, and dread, and all the stuff that comes along with that, g- check out our Welcome to the Woo program.

That's the one we guarantee we're gonna cut your stress levels in half in four months or your money back. And, uh, you know, you're gonna learn some really awesome energetic skills to help you find your mental, emotional, and energetic safety. So check that out. There you go. All right, well, that's all that we have time for this week, folks, so tune in next time when Kelle adds another chapter into your guide to energy, magic, and the spirit world.

I'm Jules here with Kelle Sparta, and you have been listening to Spirit Sherpa. So long, y'all. Bye.

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