We often assume that once we get everyone in a room and reach agreement on an architecture, the hard part is over. But what happens when the workshop goes perfectly, everyone nods along, puts their sticky note on "Yes, I support this," and then four weeks later... nobody has shipped anything?
That's the pattern Xin Yao encountered twice in her career—separated by seven years and what should have been much better facilitation techniques the second time around. In her first story, Xin orchestrated a multi-day integration architecture workshop for a major financial institution. Cross-functional teams aligned on APIs, event-driven patterns, and walked away with a clear action list. Four weeks later, an engineering manager asked the question nobody wanted to hear: "Did you notice anybody was excited about it?" The answer was no. The work? Also no.
Seven years later, armed with Event Storming and collaborative modeling techniques, Xin tried again. This time it was a DDD workshop during COVID, with real-time collaboration and all the right practices. But the timeline wouldn't merge, participants couldn't walk through the model without Xin taking over, and the board ended up more red (hotspots and conflicts) than orange (domain events). In the retrospective, someone said: "The whiteboard doesn't compile." Another admitted: "We didn't want to ruin it for you—you had so much passion."
This conversation explores the gap between facilitation techniques and the emotional safety required to make them work. We dig into why "success theater" happens, how to invite dissent from the very beginning, and why architects need to remember they're "feeling machines that think"—not thinking machines that feel.
Key Discussion Points
* [00:01] The Flying Squad: Xin's role as an integration architect parachuting into a multi-day workshop for a major CRM integration project
* [06:00] Agreement Without Excitement: Four weeks after a "successful" workshop, the action list sits untouched—nobody shipped
* [08:00] The Event Storming That Wouldn't Merge: Seven years later with better techniques, but the timeline clusters, the facilitator becomes the bottleneck, and the board turns red
* [12:00] "The Whiteboard Doesn't Compile": Why participants stayed silent when the entry and exit events were wrong from the start
* [16:00] Taking the Authority Out: How Xin learned to say "I'm a couple steps ahead, not the expert—trust your own experience"
* [21:00] Inviting Dissent Early: The heuristic of pausing every 10 minutes to ask "What would you say if you didn't have to be polite?"
* [36:00] Connection Before Content: Why breaking into small groups of three creates the safety to surface real concerns
* [38:00] Feeling Machines That Think: The role of emotion in architectural decision-making and why facilitators need to invite emotional language into the room
**Guest:** Xin Yao
**Hosts:** Andrew Harmel-Law, Kenny Schwegler, Andrea Magnorsky
*Part of the Stories on Facilitating Software Architecture and Design series from Virtual DDD.*
Andrew Harmel-Law: Hello and welcome
to another episode of facilitating
2
00:00:05,390 --> 00:00:07,010
software design and architecture.
3
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:11,540
And this time we've got Shin with
us, who's I'm sure got a super
4
00:00:11,540 --> 00:00:13,790
exciting story to share with us.
5
00:00:14,090 --> 00:00:18,319
And I'm Andrew Harma Law, and
I'm here with my co-conspirators,
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:20,569
Andrea Mag Norski and Kenny Bosch.
7
00:00:20,569 --> 00:00:21,020
Regular.
8
00:00:21,860 --> 00:00:22,759
Over to you, shouldn.
9
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:25,537
Xin Yao: Thank you.
10
00:00:25,597 --> 00:00:27,067
Thank you for inviting me.
11
00:00:27,167 --> 00:00:31,817
To, uh, uh, this, first
episode of the new year, 2026.
12
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,007
I'm, uh, excited.
13
00:00:34,107 --> 00:00:37,617
so today I think I'm
just, uh, I'm gonna tell.
14
00:00:37,977 --> 00:00:38,007
Mm.
15
00:00:40,062 --> 00:00:43,662
Two stories related about
architecture enabling.
16
00:00:43,992 --> 00:00:48,042
I'm gonna tell them short and
sweet and then I look forward to,
17
00:00:48,042 --> 00:00:51,372
having a conversation about it with
you rather than, you know, just,
18
00:00:51,412 --> 00:00:52,912
giving you my learning points.
19
00:00:53,272 --> 00:00:55,872
So, I hope it's gonna
be, fun for you as well.
20
00:00:55,932 --> 00:00:57,612
Um, right.
21
00:00:57,612 --> 00:00:58,572
So, um.
22
00:00:59,532 --> 00:01:03,402
as long as I can remember, I
have been this kind of a fixer.
23
00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:07,676
Everybody knows me as a person
that can fix things, especially
24
00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:09,507
complex architecture stuff.
25
00:01:09,897 --> 00:01:14,737
So I've been, um, in this,
boundary spending role for, maybe.
26
00:01:16,127 --> 00:01:17,717
15 years at least.
27
00:01:18,167 --> 00:01:22,367
The first story I'm gonna tell is, at
that time there was no enabling architect.
28
00:01:22,367 --> 00:01:23,777
The road didn't exist.
29
00:01:23,807 --> 00:01:29,057
So, uh, I've got, you know, I've been
part of, something called a flying squad.
30
00:01:29,146 --> 00:01:32,557
So flying squad is kind of like,
if you're, you have a fire,
31
00:01:32,557 --> 00:01:36,127
then you fly people in from the
flying squad to put out the fire.
32
00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:42,292
And, in this case I was the integration
architect, um, uh, from the flying squad.
33
00:01:42,741 --> 00:01:47,632
And the thing is that I was working
for this big financial institution
34
00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:50,866
and, also at that time there was no.
35
00:01:51,727 --> 00:01:54,337
Um, legacy modern modernization.
36
00:01:54,337 --> 00:01:59,187
So the background is that, uh,
the, uh, um, this institution,
37
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:06,667
this bank has decided to, buy a
new CRM system to replace, um, um.
38
00:02:07,962 --> 00:02:13,572
Actually as a new system to enable some of
new processes for their business banking
39
00:02:14,022 --> 00:02:16,692
and corporate and institution customers.
40
00:02:17,322 --> 00:02:21,192
And because there was no knowledge sharing
at that time, at, uh, at that point.
41
00:02:21,197 --> 00:02:24,432
And, and, uh, you see all these
account managers, they put their
42
00:02:24,432 --> 00:02:26,832
knowledge literally in shoe boxes.
43
00:02:26,832 --> 00:02:28,032
There is no knowledge sharing.
44
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:32,802
So because of this thing, they're
only using the system for corporate
45
00:02:32,802 --> 00:02:34,572
banking and business banking.
46
00:02:34,812 --> 00:02:35,322
There's a.
47
00:02:36,142 --> 00:02:38,841
Whole private sector that
is not moving to the system.
48
00:02:38,841 --> 00:02:40,307
The complexity is kind of.
49
00:02:41,767 --> 00:02:49,017
and people need to find out a way
to basically, design a integration
50
00:02:49,017 --> 00:02:52,737
architecture that can make this, make
this work, make the business process work.
51
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:58,557
So my job back then was to summon
all the teams that are going to be
52
00:02:58,557 --> 00:03:03,487
involved in supporting this integration
project, into a multi-day workshop.
53
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:03,907
Fashion.
54
00:03:03,907 --> 00:03:04,447
It's kind of.
55
00:03:04,792 --> 00:03:06,862
Offsite and really dedicated.
56
00:03:07,519 --> 00:03:11,199
and so it's kind of like all the
core banking systems because for
57
00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:14,739
the data to go into the new CRM
system, you need the credit data.
58
00:03:14,739 --> 00:03:15,944
You need the customer data.
59
00:03:15,944 --> 00:03:16,754
You need the account.
60
00:03:17,144 --> 00:03:21,134
You need to the, the 360
view for every customer.
61
00:03:21,344 --> 00:03:25,334
And sometimes if you are a small business
customer, you are also a private.
62
00:03:25,779 --> 00:03:27,099
Customer, personal customer.
63
00:03:27,099 --> 00:03:30,728
So there is kind of this complex
business complexity as well.
64
00:03:30,728 --> 00:03:33,369
So the business people have
to be involved as well.
65
00:03:33,668 --> 00:03:36,739
So it's kind of a cross-functional
and a lot of teams.
66
00:03:36,739 --> 00:03:39,918
And the a kind of like a
prestige kind of gathering.
67
00:03:40,189 --> 00:03:45,074
So my role is actually to
facilitate kind of a decision,
68
00:03:45,444 --> 00:03:49,344
toward the target architecture,
target integration, architecture.
69
00:03:49,934 --> 00:03:55,694
Both from the business process perspective
and the data integration perspective and.
70
00:03:56,534 --> 00:03:57,464
went very well.
71
00:03:57,464 --> 00:03:59,144
I did my data gathering.
72
00:03:59,194 --> 00:04:03,234
did a lot of focus, group interviews
upfront and, in the workshop there
73
00:04:03,234 --> 00:04:06,904
were dedicated knowledge sharing
from different teams for the
74
00:04:06,964 --> 00:04:09,034
hotspot areas for people to get a.
75
00:04:09,134 --> 00:04:10,274
fair understanding.
76
00:04:10,274 --> 00:04:15,024
And we basically drew up, a sort
of a big service blueprint from,
77
00:04:15,034 --> 00:04:18,594
above, the visibility line, all the
way down to the data integration.
78
00:04:18,863 --> 00:04:21,474
It all went very well from my perspective.
79
00:04:21,899 --> 00:04:25,679
And people were very much playing
along and, and, and then so forth.
80
00:04:26,069 --> 00:04:30,229
And so we had, the, discussion about,
you know, we don't want this new
81
00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:32,329
project, this new initiative to become a.
82
00:04:33,352 --> 00:04:33,862
Opportunity
83
00:04:33,959 --> 00:04:38,999
to add into more, even more integration
points, because then, you know, there are
84
00:04:38,999 --> 00:04:41,519
a lot of custom integration solutions.
85
00:04:41,519 --> 00:04:43,279
We call them, system integrators.
86
00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:46,099
We want to do APIs and we
want to reuse and all that.
87
00:04:46,459 --> 00:04:49,399
So all the event driven, all
the API enablement was also
88
00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:50,629
part of that initiative.
89
00:04:50,629 --> 00:04:51,154
We, we, we.
90
00:04:51,599 --> 00:04:53,369
These are the principles and so forth.
91
00:04:54,329 --> 00:04:58,558
So we had a, we had a
integration architecture
92
00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:00,559
lined out, in different areas.
93
00:05:00,559 --> 00:05:05,659
And then we had the, at that time
it was, it was a beginning of
94
00:05:05,659 --> 00:05:11,109
the, I think the A GR was micro
nygard invented, coined in 2007.
95
00:05:11,289 --> 00:05:12,009
And that was two
96
00:05:12,402 --> 00:05:12,552
Andrew Harmel-Law: Yeah.
97
00:05:12,652 --> 00:05:13,092
Ruth Malan
98
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:13,629
Xin Yao: Yeah.
99
00:05:13,702 --> 00:05:15,382
Andrew Harmel-Law: corrected
my book 'cause I said he
100
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:16,732
invented it and Ruth said, no.
101
00:05:16,732 --> 00:05:17,242
Someone in the
102
00:05:17,559 --> 00:05:18,639
Xin Yao: oh, okay.
103
00:05:18,832 --> 00:05:19,282
Andrew Harmel-Law: wrote a blog
104
00:05:19,284 --> 00:05:23,784
Xin Yao: I had the same, I had the same
perception, but it was 2013 at that time.
105
00:05:23,994 --> 00:05:26,644
I remember it because that's
the year when my son was born.
106
00:05:26,669 --> 00:05:30,659
we tried to use it and people were quite
impressed about that process and so forth.
107
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:37,424
Then I, that, that we ended those three
days with a long action list because a
108
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:41,524
lot of people need to do a lot of things,
and balancing priorities and so forth.
109
00:05:41,524 --> 00:05:43,744
So the team leads all
went back and so forth.
110
00:05:44,674 --> 00:05:49,534
So that seems to be a story with
no, you know, twists and turns.
111
00:05:49,539 --> 00:05:53,664
But the feedback came
maybe four weeks later.
112
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:58,874
And, because I wasn't part of
any of these teams, I was the,
113
00:05:59,054 --> 00:06:00,674
remember I was the flying squad.
114
00:06:01,004 --> 00:06:05,624
So when the managers got together
in a looking back meeting there was
115
00:06:05,864 --> 00:06:08,324
just, we found out, yeah, we aligned.
116
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:09,344
Everybody agreed.
117
00:06:09,404 --> 00:06:13,754
And we even did the, uh, you know, I
remember we drew a line, on one side.
118
00:06:13,754 --> 00:06:15,794
It's, yes, and I support this.
119
00:06:15,794 --> 00:06:16,664
I'm totally on board.
120
00:06:16,664 --> 00:06:20,414
On the other is, yes, but, and
then most of the people put their.
121
00:06:21,294 --> 00:06:22,074
On the Yes.
122
00:06:22,074 --> 00:06:22,494
End.
123
00:06:22,494 --> 00:06:25,134
And so, so, so it was, we all aligned.
124
00:06:25,794 --> 00:06:28,104
Four weeks later, we
found out nobody did it.
125
00:06:28,494 --> 00:06:33,024
The action list was basically like,
yeah, what ha, what's happening?
126
00:06:33,024 --> 00:06:33,744
What's happening?
127
00:06:34,474 --> 00:06:37,174
I couldn't understand because
I put in a lot of hard work.
128
00:06:37,174 --> 00:06:40,594
I was the one key facilitator
and, and, and so forth.
129
00:06:41,824 --> 00:06:44,104
And then there was this
one annoying manager.
130
00:06:44,929 --> 00:06:49,129
he's an engineering manager and he was
just like, Hey, I think everybody agreed.
131
00:06:49,129 --> 00:06:53,509
Everybody was supportive, but did you
notice anybody was excited about it?
132
00:06:54,754 --> 00:06:56,854
She was like, no, there was no excitement.
133
00:06:56,914 --> 00:06:58,804
There was, there was no excitement.
134
00:06:59,074 --> 00:07:01,594
Everybody was playing the game.
135
00:07:01,954 --> 00:07:05,284
Nobody wanted to say micro, so,
so not microservice back then.
136
00:07:05,284 --> 00:07:06,514
It's API is bad.
137
00:07:06,514 --> 00:07:08,254
Nobody wanted to say in is bad.
138
00:07:08,254 --> 00:07:12,149
Nobody wanted to say, I don't
want to be part of this and.
139
00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:17,179
It was a top down orchestrated show.
140
00:07:17,339 --> 00:07:19,639
it's a success theater and, for me.
141
00:07:19,999 --> 00:07:23,539
So, so that was my personal
learning point at that time.
142
00:07:23,539 --> 00:07:24,469
Very simplistic.
143
00:07:24,469 --> 00:07:25,639
So that was story one.
144
00:07:26,059 --> 00:07:29,959
And then, you know, we also did
a lot of domain modeling because
145
00:07:29,959 --> 00:07:31,639
I was also all jazz about DDD.
146
00:07:31,639 --> 00:07:32,989
That's, that was the year when.
147
00:07:33,354 --> 00:07:36,554
Vernon's book came out, at
least that was the year when I
148
00:07:36,554 --> 00:07:38,414
read it, I was just like, okay.
149
00:07:38,414 --> 00:07:40,094
All, all jazz about that as well.
150
00:07:40,544 --> 00:07:44,594
Then the year, the, the, the, the
following years was in the sign of
151
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:48,644
event storming a collaborative modeling,
so I was just like convinced that
152
00:07:48,764 --> 00:07:52,424
if we did collaborative modeling,
we, that would be a game changer.
153
00:07:52,454 --> 00:07:55,114
Those workshops would have
become a total success.
154
00:07:55,864 --> 00:07:59,719
fast forward seven years later,
just in the middle of COVID.
155
00:08:00,819 --> 00:08:02,969
I did, a similar exercise.
156
00:08:02,969 --> 00:08:04,919
I was no longer part of the flying squad.
157
00:08:04,949 --> 00:08:11,069
I was the DDD evangelist, another enabling
role in an events dorming workshop
158
00:08:11,069 --> 00:08:15,869
for a cherry picked core domain in a
transformation project for the same
159
00:08:15,869 --> 00:08:21,049
organization So it was collaborative
modeling everybody was contributing.
160
00:08:21,049 --> 00:08:24,119
There was not so much contribution
in the first workshop.
161
00:08:24,119 --> 00:08:28,699
It was all pre, orchestrated and this time
it's all real time and so forth, right?
162
00:08:28,699 --> 00:08:32,058
And, and, and people put on the
sticky note, but then when we were
163
00:08:32,058 --> 00:08:33,980
supposed to merge the timeline.
164
00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:41,974
I break loose, because I, um, I, I, I
basically, I was just like, they were,
165
00:08:41,974 --> 00:08:46,015
the energy was so high when people wrote
all those, sticky notes after merging
166
00:08:46,015 --> 00:08:50,425
the timeline, which is like, I still,
I still saw those clusters, like people
167
00:08:50,425 --> 00:08:51,895
didn't want to merge their timeline.
168
00:08:52,839 --> 00:08:57,910
And so, so after a lot of persuading
out of, a lot of convincing, um,
169
00:08:57,969 --> 00:09:01,249
I was just like saying, oh, okay,
we didn't have to do it perfect.
170
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,749
and this is an experiment.
171
00:09:02,749 --> 00:09:03,799
It's reiterative.
172
00:09:03,829 --> 00:09:04,879
let's just do this.
173
00:09:05,029 --> 00:09:06,059
So we got kind of a.
174
00:09:06,344 --> 00:09:07,544
Timeline merged.
175
00:09:08,024 --> 00:09:08,684
Hallelujah.
176
00:09:08,684 --> 00:09:11,584
That was half a day the time
we were totally, you know,
177
00:09:11,614 --> 00:09:13,024
exceeding the timeframe.
178
00:09:13,024 --> 00:09:16,654
I was a allocating for, usually
merging the timeline wasn't hard,
179
00:09:16,684 --> 00:09:20,114
you know, people were just, having
a little discussion and so forth.
180
00:09:20,869 --> 00:09:24,969
But then in the afternoon after lunch,
the brain was already a little used.
181
00:09:24,969 --> 00:09:29,170
and then we were supposed to do
the explicit walkthrough and then
182
00:09:29,229 --> 00:09:32,750
in the best collaborative modeling
fashion, I did an example and then
183
00:09:32,750 --> 00:09:34,310
I encouraged people to take over.
184
00:09:35,655 --> 00:09:40,185
the people who took over had a hard
time, harmonizing the different inputs,
185
00:09:40,185 --> 00:09:46,274
and there were a lot of questions, a
lot of really polite, but really a lot
186
00:09:46,274 --> 00:09:47,984
of questions they couldn't continue.
187
00:09:47,984 --> 00:09:49,604
So at one point, one person said to me, S.
188
00:09:50,439 --> 00:09:52,520
We had nobody had, your skills.
189
00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,770
You have to take over
if we want to proceed.
190
00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:59,850
in fact, the architect of the team
said that, so I had to, uh, uh, took
191
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:06,310
over and they, in the end, uh, we
ended up with more hotspots than, the
192
00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:09,450
orange, sticky notes, literally, if
you look at the board, the picture.
193
00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:11,820
It was more red than orange.
194
00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:16,710
Um, because that was kind of like, okay,
we, uh, Alberto has this rush to the go.
195
00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:19,380
You need to see the forest
before you can see the trees.
196
00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:23,670
So we just keep encouraging people
to say, let's, let's, for whatever,
197
00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:28,450
um, um, uh, effort that it, it needs,
let's, let's construct the forest.
198
00:10:29,110 --> 00:10:32,200
And then at the end of the day,
we couldn't do the value thing.
199
00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:33,610
In the end, there was no time.
200
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:37,680
And I could feel there was something
missing, but I didn't want to go
201
00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:39,540
there because it's supposed to work.
202
00:10:39,565 --> 00:10:41,425
all other event storming sessions work.
203
00:10:41,425 --> 00:10:42,595
Why couldn't this one work?
204
00:10:42,925 --> 00:10:46,825
I the next point, because
we had a big DDD roadmap.
205
00:10:46,825 --> 00:10:50,035
The next point is the DDD,
boundary context canvas.
206
00:10:50,245 --> 00:10:54,805
I had no boundary context candidates
and I was very, very much sy about it.
207
00:10:55,525 --> 00:10:57,355
the day ended really not well.
208
00:10:58,170 --> 00:11:00,390
And those, that's the second story.
209
00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:05,730
And it ended by a retrospective, when
I was actually asking people to in the
210
00:11:05,730 --> 00:11:07,680
day afterwards, to do a retrospective.
211
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,750
And people were actually
very frank with me.
212
00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:11,790
one person.
213
00:11:11,910 --> 00:11:16,000
I remember this, this one per, there
were two, there were several comments.
214
00:11:16,870 --> 00:11:19,740
One is, we only see trees, no forests.
215
00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:21,030
'cause that was my mantra.
216
00:11:22,110 --> 00:11:24,360
The other person, another person said.
217
00:11:25,695 --> 00:11:30,735
the whiteboard doesn't compile because
my passion about event storming is
218
00:11:30,735 --> 00:11:34,815
that at the end of the day, you almost
have a whiteboard that compiles, right?
219
00:11:34,815 --> 00:11:35,925
You have this cadence
220
00:11:36,172 --> 00:11:36,392
Andrew Harmel-Law: Hmm.
221
00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,745
Xin Yao: he was like
saying it doesn't compile.
222
00:11:39,095 --> 00:11:42,455
Then I had an individual
conversation afterwards with these
223
00:11:42,455 --> 00:11:47,825
two people and I found out it's
one of the reason is because.
224
00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:53,260
the precondition for this whole event
storming was the entry and exit event
225
00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:58,840
was decided by the domain architects
and they didn't really agree.
226
00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:02,800
The team didn't really agree with
the entry and exit architect, event.
227
00:12:03,135 --> 00:12:06,705
And the architect was in the
meeting, was in the workshop.
228
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:08,655
So nobody wanted to go there.
229
00:12:08,655 --> 00:12:10,665
A lot of questions and so forth.
230
00:12:11,025 --> 00:12:13,335
And it was again, um, this, this thing.
231
00:12:13,335 --> 00:12:17,085
And, uh, I'm just like,
it is so easy to have.
232
00:12:17,835 --> 00:12:18,735
Why didn't nobody?
233
00:12:19,090 --> 00:12:19,510
Tell me.
234
00:12:19,510 --> 00:12:19,930
Right.
235
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:23,870
And then, I asked the second person,
who took, well, there was a third
236
00:12:23,870 --> 00:12:27,540
one saying that girl said you sing,
you are too in love with your model.
237
00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:29,520
I said, why didn't anybody say anything?
238
00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:31,980
Because at that time, I
already got this information.
239
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:35,070
She said, you know, we all respected you.
240
00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:39,160
You had so much passion,
you had so much, energy.
241
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,470
We didn't want to ruin it for you.
242
00:12:41,620 --> 00:12:45,940
And we, we, we, we, we wanted to,
we wanted also to make it work.
243
00:12:46,795 --> 00:12:47,755
that was what I got.
244
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,225
That was the second story.
245
00:12:49,945 --> 00:12:53,065
there was a, you know, longer ending
to the story, but I wanted to stop
246
00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:54,625
here and think it's already been long.
247
00:12:55,425 --> 00:12:59,895
there's a lot of learning, but
I want to invite you to tell me
248
00:12:59,895 --> 00:13:01,425
what is your immediate reaction?
249
00:13:01,425 --> 00:13:02,505
What are your thinking there?
250
00:13:02,505 --> 00:13:07,005
There's not, um, there's a way
more data than I was having time to
251
00:13:07,005 --> 00:13:09,555
share, but you had some impressions.
252
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:10,215
So tell me.
253
00:13:12,477 --> 00:13:13,467
Andrew Harmel-Law: One that strikes me.
254
00:13:13,467 --> 00:13:18,687
'cause I've this is like,
255
00:13:20,787 --> 00:13:22,917
and I think you almost
exactly said this shit, right?
256
00:13:22,967 --> 00:13:25,457
Sometimes you need to do a big
thing and then you put a lot
257
00:13:25,457 --> 00:13:26,477
of effort into the big thing.
258
00:13:26,477 --> 00:13:28,217
And then everyone comes to the big thing.
259
00:13:29,057 --> 00:13:32,027
because it's a big thing and
everyone knows it's important,
260
00:13:32,117 --> 00:13:34,817
everybody's terrified to say
maybe the big thing isn't working.
261
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,947
'cause I feel that all the time.
262
00:13:37,187 --> 00:13:38,567
It's, it's terrifying.
263
00:13:39,317 --> 00:13:41,357
Um, yeah.
264
00:13:41,357 --> 00:13:43,727
That's, do you think there's, from lessons
that you've learned, do you think there's
265
00:13:43,727 --> 00:13:47,957
any ways to like, 'cause I've seen Alberto
Alberto, like when he's done it with me,
266
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:49,967
he talks about playing event storming.
267
00:13:49,967 --> 00:13:51,947
So he is trying to like reduce the.
268
00:13:52,742 --> 00:13:53,912
We're just gonna have fun.
269
00:13:53,972 --> 00:13:56,042
It doesn't matter if it succeed
or not, which I, for a long
270
00:13:56,140 --> 00:13:56,360
Xin Yao: Mm
271
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:57,872
Andrew Harmel-Law: realize
how important that was.
272
00:13:58,622 --> 00:13:59,192
Xin Yao: mm.
273
00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:01,710
Andrew Harmel-Law: of, any
lessons learned or things that
274
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:03,260
you've realized maybe would help
275
00:14:03,352 --> 00:14:03,892
Xin Yao: Yeah.
276
00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:04,430
Andrew Harmel-Law: if you were
277
00:14:04,432 --> 00:14:07,762
Xin Yao: So, um, I can totally, yeah.
278
00:14:07,912 --> 00:14:12,262
Uh, that's, that's, that's
really a lot of resonating there.
279
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:17,262
and I think that since 2020 I'm
still on my own leading edge of
280
00:14:17,262 --> 00:14:20,062
understanding and, growing from all this.
281
00:14:21,262 --> 00:14:23,652
there's, there's, a couple of things.
282
00:14:23,722 --> 00:14:25,822
one is that.
283
00:14:26,472 --> 00:14:27,402
These days.
284
00:14:27,432 --> 00:14:29,867
So the fun part is really, an element.
285
00:14:29,867 --> 00:14:34,667
But if you look behind the fun that
is, I think that is kind of like
286
00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:39,457
to say in the beginning instead of
to say, I'm the enabling architect.
287
00:14:39,807 --> 00:14:43,277
I'm here to tell you what
the right way to do this is.
288
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:44,502
these days I tend to say.
289
00:14:45,237 --> 00:14:50,667
know, I'm here to share some something,
some stuff, some shit I know.
290
00:14:51,417 --> 00:14:53,477
But, I am on the same learning journey.
291
00:14:53,477 --> 00:14:56,447
I'm probably just a couple
of steps ahead of you.
292
00:14:57,017 --> 00:14:58,997
I'm not there, so I don't want you to.
293
00:14:59,922 --> 00:15:04,472
Trust me for any of this, I want to
you to trust your own experience, so,
294
00:15:04,472 --> 00:15:09,782
but the next whatever, how many days
I want you to, to have an open mind
295
00:15:09,782 --> 00:15:13,922
for what I'm telling you, give it
a fair chance, but whether it works
296
00:15:13,922 --> 00:15:16,082
or whether it's not, it's up to you.
297
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,292
So it's kind of like taking
the authority, taking the.
298
00:15:19,787 --> 00:15:23,327
I am here to fix you thing a
little bit out of the picture.
299
00:15:23,327 --> 00:15:26,347
That's one thing that,
that, that, that has worked.
300
00:15:26,647 --> 00:15:29,767
The other thing is inviting
dissent from the very beginning.
301
00:15:30,217 --> 00:15:33,017
Basically, I have a heuristic for my side.
302
00:15:34,007 --> 00:15:39,497
If I have shown people maybe four or
five slides of something or tell, have
303
00:15:39,737 --> 00:15:44,447
I've used at least 10 minutes to tell
something, I have to pause and I have to
304
00:15:44,447 --> 00:15:46,997
say, what are your doubts and concerns?
305
00:15:47,097 --> 00:15:49,737
if you didn't have to be
polite, what would you say?
306
00:15:49,887 --> 00:15:53,157
any of this that is, and
this stuff is totally useless
307
00:15:53,157 --> 00:15:54,417
from a current point of view.
308
00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:58,467
And if you're feeling the need to scroll
on your phone and if you're disengaging.
309
00:15:58,677 --> 00:15:59,907
So, so it's kind of like.
310
00:16:00,247 --> 00:16:05,317
That, um, also to basically
invite, you know, get to get that
311
00:16:05,437 --> 00:16:09,247
data that those, that entry and
exit events really didn't work.
312
00:16:09,247 --> 00:16:10,867
We could have saved a lot of time.
313
00:16:11,287 --> 00:16:13,477
So those are the two things
that popped into my mind.
314
00:16:13,477 --> 00:16:13,537
Yeah.
315
00:16:15,121 --> 00:16:17,491
Andrea Magnorsky: There is a common
thread in the two stories, which is kind
316
00:16:17,491 --> 00:16:21,031
of what I think you're, you are saying,
Hey, I'm going to give you two stories.
317
00:16:21,031 --> 00:16:21,751
What do you say?
318
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:27,631
And what I'm, what I'm sensing here
is that you are trying to learn about.
319
00:16:28,591 --> 00:16:34,741
to present yourself at the same time with,
with the, in a way that kind of, you're,
320
00:16:34,801 --> 00:16:36,451
you're basically, you know, stuff, right?
321
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:40,591
And, and you're trying to
facilitate, and facilitation is
322
00:16:40,591 --> 00:16:42,721
about enabling collaboration, right?
323
00:16:43,081 --> 00:16:44,971
So, so you're trying to do that.
324
00:16:46,111 --> 00:16:52,831
Bring your technical knowhow, your
social system, building knowhow to
325
00:16:52,891 --> 00:16:59,071
this facilitative, both of those,
exercises, but how to do that and
326
00:16:59,071 --> 00:17:04,621
still kind of able to be excited
yourself and at the same time.
327
00:17:05,715 --> 00:17:08,945
get the feedback from what is
happening in the room and from
328
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,925
people when it's not working.
329
00:17:11,346 --> 00:17:14,766
Uh, and, and sometimes, for example,
when you were talking about, especially
330
00:17:14,766 --> 00:17:18,925
in the storming one, I kind of was like,
okay, for me this, for my heuristics
331
00:17:18,925 --> 00:17:24,036
for the board is more pink or red than
orange, is we don't have the knowledge
332
00:17:24,036 --> 00:17:25,746
in the room or the setup is wrong.
333
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:27,465
and then you went like,
well, you know, this.
334
00:17:28,411 --> 00:17:30,856
They just went along with the
setup and I was like, okay.
335
00:17:31,126 --> 00:17:32,536
Uh, okay.
336
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:33,496
I, I was like, okay.
337
00:17:33,496 --> 00:17:36,406
It's nice to see that we
ended up in a similar place.
338
00:17:36,406 --> 00:17:41,456
But, I think a faci is hard.
339
00:17:42,446 --> 00:17:43,826
It's an underrated skill.
340
00:17:44,996 --> 00:17:49,916
It's extremely hard to learn unless
you're doing a lot, so it's like
341
00:17:50,276 --> 00:17:53,336
you're, you're trying to, yeah.
342
00:17:53,477 --> 00:17:53,797
Xin Yao: Yeah.
343
00:17:53,965 --> 00:17:54,325
Kenny Schwegler: Yeah.
344
00:17:55,327 --> 00:17:55,777
Xin Yao: This,
345
00:17:55,855 --> 00:17:56,095
Kenny Schwegler: Yeah.
346
00:17:56,467 --> 00:18:01,912
Xin Yao: yeah, and it, I, I think
it's true and, and sometimes we are
347
00:18:01,912 --> 00:18:06,982
maybe as facilitators a little bit
too, over enthusiastic about the
348
00:18:06,982 --> 00:18:11,002
technique, the methodology, event
storming, domain storytelling, the
349
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:16,112
format, and sometimes when there is
a really, I think we know if we are
350
00:18:16,112 --> 00:18:18,782
really living in the moment, we sense.
351
00:18:19,127 --> 00:18:24,677
There is a high stake, high
sensitivity topic that wants to get
352
00:18:24,677 --> 00:18:27,257
out, but we don't go there sometimes.
353
00:18:27,317 --> 00:18:27,407
Yeah.
354
00:18:28,285 --> 00:18:31,435
Kenny Schwegler: Yeah, I want to talk
about that because your story reminds
355
00:18:31,435 --> 00:18:35,225
me of, I've dealt with the same
situation and then I dived into deep
356
00:18:35,225 --> 00:18:40,445
democracy, and they say, if you want to
go fast, first, you need to slow down.
357
00:18:40,445 --> 00:18:43,715
It's also what hes now saying
with their decision making, right?
358
00:18:43,715 --> 00:18:45,845
But first, you want to
go into the conflict.
359
00:18:46,825 --> 00:18:49,015
looking back at the first
session as well, right?
360
00:18:49,015 --> 00:18:51,295
In both sessions there
was a decision being made.
361
00:18:51,295 --> 00:18:52,555
And that's always interesting, right?
362
00:18:52,555 --> 00:18:56,605
Every time there's an autocratic
decision, resistance will start to pop up,
363
00:18:56,845 --> 00:18:59,575
especially, well, there's a nuance to it.
364
00:18:59,815 --> 00:19:04,285
If people agree with the decision,
it's fine, but you can bet in a big
365
00:19:04,285 --> 00:19:07,775
group that not everyone's right, and
the first decision is like, we're
366
00:19:07,775 --> 00:19:09,905
gonna do this to get to this point.
367
00:19:09,905 --> 00:19:12,725
And the second one was like,
we are gonna use these events.
368
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,795
So these were already pre.
369
00:19:15,575 --> 00:19:22,635
Disposed decisions being made and that
causes resistance to pop up, right?
370
00:19:22,635 --> 00:19:26,955
Either people stay quiet or if, if you
think back at that moment, and it's always
371
00:19:26,955 --> 00:19:31,695
very hard to reflect on this because
you basically usually don't see it.
372
00:19:32,325 --> 00:19:36,825
If you didn't see it, then it's very hard
to reflect on it what happened, right?
373
00:19:36,825 --> 00:19:40,940
But can you still think to a moment
back then where you think, oh.
374
00:19:42,405 --> 00:19:46,305
Now I understand why this
behavior keep popping up, right?
375
00:19:46,415 --> 00:19:47,555
did something notice you?
376
00:19:47,555 --> 00:19:52,445
Like, ah, if I just dived into
this patterns that I'm seeing,
377
00:19:53,135 --> 00:19:54,185
do you think that would help?
378
00:19:54,185 --> 00:19:57,575
I'm very curious if you, if, if,
if there was something in your
379
00:19:57,575 --> 00:20:00,875
mind like, yeah, now I understand.
380
00:20:02,232 --> 00:20:07,452
Xin Yao: I think the, if you ask
me what did I notice and didn't
381
00:20:07,452 --> 00:20:13,662
act on during the session, I think
what I noticed that is that my own
382
00:20:13,722 --> 00:20:20,232
anxiety, so it's neurologically my own
anxiety of not producing the outcome.
383
00:20:20,592 --> 00:20:25,142
I think the team deserved A part
of my identity as well, because I'm
384
00:20:25,142 --> 00:20:29,342
there to enable, what am I to enable
if there's no not an outcome at all.
385
00:20:29,342 --> 00:20:29,552
Right?
386
00:20:29,672 --> 00:20:34,742
So that fear pre that, that
magdala in my brain basically
387
00:20:34,742 --> 00:20:42,707
prevented my, my empathizing,
mechanism to take action on the.
388
00:20:43,462 --> 00:20:47,452
You know, the, the undiscussable, the,
the thing, I have a very, I'm a, I'm
389
00:20:47,452 --> 00:20:52,312
a, I think I'm a, I'm a female and I
have a very high sensitivity toward.
390
00:20:53,122 --> 00:20:54,142
Things not going right.
391
00:20:54,142 --> 00:20:58,552
I knew, I knew there's this thing,
but I didn't touch it because I
392
00:20:58,552 --> 00:21:03,262
knew that I'm also, I have this
masculine part, I'm an architect.
393
00:21:03,652 --> 00:21:06,562
I am supposed to be outcome driven.
394
00:21:06,592 --> 00:21:10,342
I have the responsibility for this
and that, and for, for reaching
395
00:21:10,342 --> 00:21:11,602
the timeline and all that.
396
00:21:11,932 --> 00:21:12,622
So all these,
397
00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:13,125
Kenny Schwegler: A.
398
00:21:13,252 --> 00:21:17,562
Xin Yao: not, there's, there's
never, I think sometimes we tend to.
399
00:21:17,697 --> 00:21:20,457
we have to be careful about
these heuristic and patterns.
400
00:21:20,457 --> 00:21:25,407
Sometimes the moment we lock our mind
into one pattern or one heuristic to
401
00:21:25,407 --> 00:21:29,247
say, this is what's going wrong and
this is what's going right, we are
402
00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:32,302
excluding all the other things, and
all of us, all the four of us are.
403
00:21:33,157 --> 00:21:35,407
All think we are system thinkers, right?
404
00:21:36,217 --> 00:21:37,117
is a system?
405
00:21:37,207 --> 00:21:41,197
It means more than one factor
is at play, even contradicting
406
00:21:41,197 --> 00:21:43,147
things at the same time.
407
00:21:43,477 --> 00:21:48,547
And so I think it's really important that
we don't let our own models trap us and
408
00:21:48,547 --> 00:21:50,797
prisoners and keep us in the safety trap.
409
00:21:51,067 --> 00:21:52,267
Kenny Schwegler: One thing I noticed.
410
00:21:52,267 --> 00:21:56,437
So this is the biggest paradox for
architects starting to facilitate.
411
00:21:56,947 --> 00:22:00,277
You say, I'm outcome driven,
so you're tied to the outcome.
412
00:22:00,667 --> 00:22:06,367
While you said, I'm very empathic, the
group wanting something else while you
413
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:10,927
want to go to the outcome, that can be
a paradox that I think every architect.
414
00:22:11,842 --> 00:22:14,152
Starts to facilitate,
gonna deal with that.
415
00:22:14,902 --> 00:22:16,282
And that's a hard choice.
416
00:22:16,342 --> 00:22:17,452
There's no right answer here.
417
00:22:17,452 --> 00:22:20,602
There's, but, but I think
that's very important for, for
418
00:22:20,602 --> 00:22:21,922
other architects to understand.
419
00:22:21,922 --> 00:22:24,952
It says the moment you're gonna do
this there, you're gonna deal with this
420
00:22:24,952 --> 00:22:29,872
paradox of, Hey, I have this outcome and
responsibility sake, but I notice that
421
00:22:29,872 --> 00:22:31,672
the group needs something different.
422
00:22:32,212 --> 00:22:33,382
How are we gonna deal with that?
423
00:22:33,652 --> 00:22:37,507
I mean, so I, I just wanted to
say that before we go to Andrea.
424
00:22:38,959 --> 00:22:42,379
Xin Yao: I just want to comment,
uh, on, briefly on that.
425
00:22:42,469 --> 00:22:46,959
Uh, I think it's, with the dominance of
AI and with, with all these things, I
426
00:22:46,959 --> 00:22:52,499
think the enabling architecture piece,
if somebody has the passion and the
427
00:22:52,799 --> 00:22:55,109
sense of mission to enable others.
428
00:22:55,504 --> 00:22:58,414
We have to go there, we
have to go and explore.
429
00:22:58,414 --> 00:22:59,554
What is enabling.
430
00:22:59,854 --> 00:23:05,214
Enabling is not to, you know, over
transfer skills, from me to you,
431
00:23:05,214 --> 00:23:08,904
to anybody who doesn't know can
do that much better than we do.
432
00:23:09,174 --> 00:23:12,744
What we enable is a capacity
to navigate complexity.
433
00:23:12,744 --> 00:23:14,394
Otherwise Why, why us?
434
00:23:14,399 --> 00:23:16,704
they can go somewhere else,
tutorials and whatever, right?
435
00:23:16,854 --> 00:23:18,564
So that's just a short comment,
436
00:23:20,863 --> 00:23:24,313
Andrea Magnorsky: I think that that's
a, that's a, very good comment.
437
00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:28,133
and also wanted to ask you, when you're
talking about these two examples,
438
00:23:28,193 --> 00:23:33,713
it seems to me that, you're asking,
what could I have done different?
439
00:23:34,583 --> 00:23:36,443
I wanna ask you a different
question, which is.
440
00:23:37,493 --> 00:23:42,323
if the outcome, what happens would've
happened no matter what you do, because
441
00:23:42,323 --> 00:23:43,733
that's what the room needed to do.
442
00:23:44,513 --> 00:23:50,393
Like, w what, like i, I, I think that
when you're facilitating something, there
443
00:23:50,393 --> 00:23:52,583
are times when no matter what you do.
444
00:23:53,363 --> 00:23:57,743
You can't give, let's say for example,
people, the capability to speak
445
00:23:57,773 --> 00:24:01,433
about things, they don't feel safe
speaking because you're one person.
446
00:24:01,643 --> 00:24:08,203
so what if the problem wasn't you and how
you facilitate it, but something else?
447
00:24:08,203 --> 00:24:09,703
And in that case, what is the problem?
448
00:24:10,593 --> 00:24:12,303
let's put a different
model in the question.
449
00:24:12,434 --> 00:24:12,794
Xin Yao: Oh, wow.
450
00:24:12,794 --> 00:24:15,404
That's, that's a, that's
such a good question, Andrea.
451
00:24:15,404 --> 00:24:16,214
Thank you for that.
452
00:24:17,144 --> 00:24:20,054
First of all, um, so I.
453
00:24:21,209 --> 00:24:21,809
Question.
454
00:24:21,809 --> 00:24:27,059
So that question was my initial,
uh, uh, my initial mind patterns.
455
00:24:27,119 --> 00:24:29,519
Oh, what could I have done
differently these days?
456
00:24:29,519 --> 00:24:31,259
I don't think like that anymore.
457
00:24:32,399 --> 00:24:36,959
regret anything that happened
because it didn't happen.
458
00:24:36,989 --> 00:24:40,469
I wouldn't have learned, and
a lot of people have taken
459
00:24:40,469 --> 00:24:41,609
a lot of learning points.
460
00:24:41,639 --> 00:24:43,469
I don't know other
people's learning journey.
461
00:24:44,464 --> 00:24:46,024
So that's the first part.
462
00:24:46,214 --> 00:24:52,154
sometimes, you know, even, um, um,
I, I'm working with my because right
463
00:24:52,154 --> 00:24:55,034
now, you know, if you are leading
ar lead architect, you are always
464
00:24:55,034 --> 00:24:56,774
in this role enabling architect.
465
00:24:57,104 --> 00:24:58,814
You have this in you.
466
00:24:58,814 --> 00:25:01,064
I'm, I'm special, I'm, I'm whatever.
467
00:25:02,084 --> 00:25:07,834
and then that ness will somehow, It,
it's a very destructive capacity.
468
00:25:07,834 --> 00:25:08,914
in some context.
469
00:25:09,604 --> 00:25:14,614
second part about, the question is that,
what if whatever you would, you, you,
470
00:25:14,674 --> 00:25:17,644
you did, it would still have happened.
471
00:25:18,004 --> 00:25:18,784
Yeah, it could.
472
00:25:18,874 --> 00:25:21,904
I mean, it's a complex world, but I think.
473
00:25:22,939 --> 00:25:28,489
This is a question to all of us as
conveners of gatherings, as groups.
474
00:25:28,849 --> 00:25:31,609
How do we, I think we have responsibility.
475
00:25:31,609 --> 00:25:38,419
There is always something more we can
explore to how to, to me, a group.
476
00:25:39,019 --> 00:25:44,749
group, a group with creative co-creative
dynamics is not a collection of people
477
00:25:44,749 --> 00:25:46,789
individually contributing knowledge.
478
00:25:47,584 --> 00:25:54,154
How do we tap into that potential is
the responsibility of the convener.
479
00:25:54,874 --> 00:25:57,304
It is regarding if
you're architect or not.
480
00:25:57,574 --> 00:26:00,874
I think there's always something
that I could have done to make
481
00:26:00,874 --> 00:26:03,644
that convening role more effective.
482
00:26:04,424 --> 00:26:06,494
my mental model right now,
there's three circles.
483
00:26:06,494 --> 00:26:08,384
I have collaboration in the middle.
484
00:26:08,594 --> 00:26:12,014
So if I want to make a group
collaboration work the best way
485
00:26:12,014 --> 00:26:14,644
possible, I need three other Cs.
486
00:26:15,334 --> 00:26:18,574
Connection, contribution and conversation.
487
00:26:19,394 --> 00:26:22,964
if there's no connection, if there's
no trust built from the very beginning,
488
00:26:22,994 --> 00:26:25,094
anything you say or do, doesn't matter.
489
00:26:25,244 --> 00:26:26,624
Doesn't matter at all.
490
00:26:26,834 --> 00:26:30,104
The connection is not only between
the people, but also between the
491
00:26:30,104 --> 00:26:34,034
people to the purpose of that
gathering and the connection from
492
00:26:34,034 --> 00:26:36,224
the person to him or herself.
493
00:26:37,464 --> 00:26:42,024
what can we do so that people can just
share a little bit more of their truth?
494
00:26:42,384 --> 00:26:42,744
Right.
495
00:26:43,194 --> 00:26:46,464
Uh, without feeling that
it's, it's damaging for them.
496
00:26:46,584 --> 00:26:48,474
There's always something more we can do.
497
00:26:48,504 --> 00:26:49,554
That's the connection bit.
498
00:26:49,794 --> 00:26:51,474
The contribution is what's missing.
499
00:26:51,474 --> 00:26:55,034
Because if people don't contribute,
they will give you lip service.
500
00:26:55,034 --> 00:26:56,504
Like in my first example.
501
00:26:57,104 --> 00:26:59,474
And resistance is another piece.
502
00:26:59,534 --> 00:27:01,424
What's the best way to
deal with resistance?
503
00:27:01,424 --> 00:27:04,154
My humble opinion right
now is that contribution.
504
00:27:04,964 --> 00:27:07,664
If you feel that there's
a person resisting.
505
00:27:07,874 --> 00:27:08,954
I think Peter Block once said.
506
00:27:09,734 --> 00:27:14,414
therapy, the moment you know you have a
breakthrough is when the patient says no.
507
00:27:15,124 --> 00:27:18,664
if you can't say no, your yes
has no meaning, basically.
508
00:27:18,734 --> 00:27:20,704
and, that's the power of contribution.
509
00:27:20,984 --> 00:27:22,814
how do you do this Through conversations?
510
00:27:22,814 --> 00:27:25,994
I think we have to be able to
model the conversation seriously
511
00:27:26,864 --> 00:27:28,334
to make collaboration work.
512
00:27:28,334 --> 00:27:29,264
So just briefly.
513
00:27:30,777 --> 00:27:33,647
Kenny Schwegler: There's this Dutch
anthropologist, he says, resistance
514
00:27:33,647 --> 00:27:35,837
is a very interesting metaphor.
515
00:27:35,927 --> 00:27:37,097
It came from Freud.
516
00:27:37,697 --> 00:27:38,747
Well, of course it comes from.
517
00:27:39,747 --> 00:27:40,317
Electronics.
518
00:27:40,317 --> 00:27:48,117
But Freud said, my patients, these are
patients who have psychotherapy, right?
519
00:27:48,127 --> 00:27:52,727
there are usually people in therapy,
they're resisting my therapy.
520
00:27:53,387 --> 00:27:58,787
That's where resistance came from and now
we're gonna use it as a word to describe
521
00:27:58,787 --> 00:28:01,007
someone who doesn't agree with us.
522
00:28:01,097 --> 00:28:02,897
And, we need to reframe that.
523
00:28:02,897 --> 00:28:06,857
Resistance is not resistance,
it's just someone else's opinion.
524
00:28:08,649 --> 00:28:11,769
Xin Yao: Yeah, it's, it's, it's
actually a creative energy.
525
00:28:11,769 --> 00:28:13,239
You know, it's, I just
526
00:28:13,522 --> 00:28:13,812
Kenny Schwegler: Yeah.
527
00:28:14,159 --> 00:28:18,299
Xin Yao: I don't know who said it, someone
said, behind every complaint there is
528
00:28:18,299 --> 00:28:21,899
a yearning, that I would rather have.
529
00:28:22,529 --> 00:28:27,269
Complaint and loud spoken
resistance than lip service, right?
530
00:28:27,269 --> 00:28:29,459
I would rather have the second
workshop than the first.
531
00:28:29,729 --> 00:28:33,149
The collaborative modeling did
give me something after 37 years.
532
00:28:33,269 --> 00:28:34,649
It wasn't the last game.
533
00:28:34,949 --> 00:28:39,359
It triggered a lot of the things
that didn't happen in the first one.
534
00:28:39,659 --> 00:28:40,109
So it's,
535
00:28:40,387 --> 00:28:40,657
Kenny Schwegler: Yeah.
536
00:28:41,249 --> 00:28:44,469
Xin Yao: The, the question is
how do we tap into that energy?
537
00:28:44,469 --> 00:28:48,279
I think the first thing for us
as facilitators or conveners is.
538
00:28:48,844 --> 00:28:53,314
not to in how to invite people
and not to in a persuading role.
539
00:28:53,394 --> 00:28:56,124
the enabling word is
very dangerous in a way.
540
00:28:56,124 --> 00:29:00,564
Because if I'm enabling DDD,
right, I'm telling people I know.
541
00:29:01,494 --> 00:29:04,494
Maybe I don't know what the destination
is, but I know how you get there.
542
00:29:04,764 --> 00:29:07,344
This is the way I'm enabling you to do.
543
00:29:07,524 --> 00:29:07,914
Right?
544
00:29:08,274 --> 00:29:11,094
and if you challenge
that, it's my identity.
545
00:29:11,159 --> 00:29:11,999
you are challenging.
546
00:29:11,999 --> 00:29:13,649
So how do we relax?
547
00:29:13,679 --> 00:29:17,709
How, how do we be able to, you
know, how, how can we say, okay, I
548
00:29:17,709 --> 00:29:19,329
don't care if it, is not the thing.
549
00:29:20,109 --> 00:29:22,779
We don't do DDD, even
if I'm a DDD evangelist.
550
00:29:22,989 --> 00:29:27,029
In fact, I want to say that the second
part that the trailer of that story
551
00:29:27,029 --> 00:29:31,759
I didn't finish telling is that, I
continued DDD work with that team.
552
00:29:31,849 --> 00:29:35,959
But in the two weeks that followed,
we dropped all methodologies.
553
00:29:36,009 --> 00:29:37,539
we whiteboarded everything.
554
00:29:37,539 --> 00:29:39,279
We freestyled everything.
555
00:29:39,549 --> 00:29:44,319
And that worked wonder because that
brought me from the pedestal to
556
00:29:44,469 --> 00:29:46,809
the same floor level as the team.
557
00:29:47,104 --> 00:29:51,094
Let's not say, let's not use D,
d, D as intimidating, whatever.
558
00:29:52,282 --> 00:29:53,962
Andrew Harmel-Law: That's, I think
the biggest problem of DDD, right?
559
00:29:53,962 --> 00:29:57,952
Like it's, it feels like this gigantic
thing with all of these words and phrases
560
00:29:57,952 --> 00:29:59,602
and history and things you need to know.
561
00:29:59,662 --> 00:30:03,802
And to be honest, there's a tiny bit
at the center, which is important.
562
00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:06,442
And like you said, that's
the thing that goes into
563
00:30:06,549 --> 00:30:06,839
Xin Yao: Yeah.
564
00:30:07,042 --> 00:30:09,112
Andrew Harmel-Law: else is just
fancy extra stuff on top of it.
565
00:30:09,112 --> 00:30:13,672
But people get very, people
get very kind of, um.
566
00:30:14,827 --> 00:30:17,347
by it or something, or push
back and resist against it or.
567
00:30:19,202 --> 00:30:19,652
Andrea Magnorsky: one thing.
568
00:30:19,832 --> 00:30:24,422
You, you said that, uh, in your, in
your opinion, the best way to deal
569
00:30:24,422 --> 00:30:26,132
with resistance is contribution.
570
00:30:26,192 --> 00:30:27,482
And I think.
571
00:30:27,887 --> 00:30:31,547
That is extremely important
and also my experience of it.
572
00:30:31,937 --> 00:30:38,057
so one thing that I find useful
for enabling contribution,
573
00:30:38,447 --> 00:30:39,407
especially of the people.
574
00:30:39,407 --> 00:30:45,527
'cause some people can be against you,
but also extremely white because that's
575
00:30:45,527 --> 00:30:47,057
just not their style or whatever.
576
00:30:47,057 --> 00:30:51,407
So it's always about trying
to find the ways to get people
577
00:30:51,407 --> 00:30:53,237
showing some of the work.
578
00:30:53,287 --> 00:30:54,577
aside, I generally don't.
579
00:30:55,057 --> 00:30:59,202
When you somewhere new, I tend
to not talk about any of the tech
580
00:30:59,202 --> 00:31:00,462
on, unless you're doing training.
581
00:31:00,512 --> 00:31:03,092
and to say we're doing this, what is it?
582
00:31:03,142 --> 00:31:06,082
you know, it's this sticky notes with
events, you know, just put another
583
00:31:06,082 --> 00:31:08,002
one, you know, it's like an event.
584
00:31:08,182 --> 00:31:08,752
And that's it.
585
00:31:08,752 --> 00:31:09,292
That's the end.
586
00:31:09,301 --> 00:31:10,831
Andrew Harmel-Law: I've done
some gorilla event storming,
587
00:31:10,831 --> 00:31:12,061
did we just do event storming?
588
00:31:12,061 --> 00:31:13,261
We did do eventing.
589
00:31:13,261 --> 00:31:13,621
Andrea Magnorsky: Yeah,
590
00:31:13,765 --> 00:31:14,365
Andrew Harmel-Law: the whole thing.
591
00:31:14,431 --> 00:31:17,951
Andrea Magnorsky: but I think we
all know that here, but one of, one
592
00:31:17,951 --> 00:31:22,301
of the things is finding the way to
get the contributions and To kind
593
00:31:22,301 --> 00:31:26,641
of fill the room and meet the people
in the room wherever they're at.
594
00:31:26,761 --> 00:31:32,451
And if that means that you need to,
go and do live, you know, like we
595
00:31:32,451 --> 00:31:34,851
have whiteboards, boxes, and arrows.
596
00:31:35,481 --> 00:31:35,871
Cool.
597
00:31:35,901 --> 00:31:36,321
That's it.
598
00:31:36,381 --> 00:31:37,161
That's where you're at.
599
00:31:37,221 --> 00:31:38,211
and that's what works.
600
00:31:38,211 --> 00:31:39,841
But, sometimes it can be something else.
601
00:31:39,841 --> 00:31:43,021
So, think it's not said enough, that.
602
00:31:44,416 --> 00:31:49,426
Resistance can be done with contribution,
and contribution can have a lot of shapes
603
00:31:49,546 --> 00:31:50,776
Xin Yao: Yeah, totally.
604
00:31:50,776 --> 00:31:51,256
Totally.
605
00:31:51,361 --> 00:31:51,441
Hmm.
606
00:31:52,839 --> 00:31:55,239
Kenny Schwegler: What I try to
do, learning from these Dutch
607
00:31:55,239 --> 00:31:58,619
anthropologists, Daniella, they
wrote a book, corporate Tribe.
608
00:31:58,619 --> 00:31:59,669
It's an interesting book.
609
00:31:59,849 --> 00:32:02,509
It's an anthropology, and it
goes also into deep democracy.
610
00:32:02,509 --> 00:32:05,749
and what they say is in
their check-in, they try to
611
00:32:05,749 --> 00:32:08,429
challenge, the initial purpose.
612
00:32:08,459 --> 00:32:10,149
I have the mantra of Dr.
613
00:32:10,149 --> 00:32:10,524
House.
614
00:32:10,524 --> 00:32:11,394
Everyone lies.
615
00:32:11,424 --> 00:32:15,024
So when a manager or someone else comes
to me and says, this, this is what
616
00:32:15,024 --> 00:32:16,284
the team really needs, I said, sure.
617
00:32:17,109 --> 00:32:20,619
And the first thing I do in a
session is actually challenge that
618
00:32:20,859 --> 00:32:22,239
who agrees and who doesn't agree.
619
00:32:22,239 --> 00:32:24,279
So that's what you're
saying, I think zin, right?
620
00:32:24,279 --> 00:32:25,959
Inviting the contribution.
621
00:32:26,529 --> 00:32:29,539
The first thing I would do is,
even if it's a training, I say,
622
00:32:29,539 --> 00:32:30,799
who wants to be at this training?
623
00:32:30,799 --> 00:32:32,569
And who doesn't want
to be at this training?
624
00:32:32,629 --> 00:32:33,769
And people are like, why?
625
00:32:33,799 --> 00:32:34,009
Why?
626
00:32:34,009 --> 00:32:35,359
You're asking that second question.
627
00:32:35,359 --> 00:32:36,049
I say, well.
628
00:32:36,919 --> 00:32:39,949
I might not want to be there because
I have a sick cat at home, right?
629
00:32:39,949 --> 00:32:40,759
That's important.
630
00:32:40,759 --> 00:32:42,349
Maybe because I don't know.
631
00:32:42,349 --> 00:32:46,129
But then the train says, but what if
these people don't want to be here?
632
00:32:46,159 --> 00:32:47,629
I say, we have a good conversation.
633
00:32:47,629 --> 00:32:53,539
And afterwards that why you're inviting
people to a collaborative session or a
634
00:32:53,539 --> 00:32:55,759
training and they don't want to learn.
635
00:32:55,849 --> 00:32:56,659
I think you should.
636
00:32:57,184 --> 00:32:59,914
First deal with that fact before
inviting me to give this training.
637
00:33:00,454 --> 00:33:04,844
So, yeah, that's what I had the
same thing happening to me, zin.
638
00:33:04,844 --> 00:33:08,474
And then what you're saying is
I started digging deeper and
639
00:33:08,474 --> 00:33:09,494
that's the first thing I learned.
640
00:33:09,494 --> 00:33:10,544
Ah, yeah, sure.
641
00:33:10,544 --> 00:33:11,054
Of course.
642
00:33:11,054 --> 00:33:16,094
I need to challenge the proposition of the
session before we actually do the session.
643
00:33:16,124 --> 00:33:17,674
that was a learning, key,
644
00:33:17,856 --> 00:33:17,936
Xin Yao: Hmm.
645
00:33:18,064 --> 00:33:18,844
Kenny Schwegler: key insight for me.
646
00:33:19,571 --> 00:33:24,326
Xin Yao: I think even, I have seen you
do it in your session, Kenny as well.
647
00:33:24,326 --> 00:33:27,796
So, you made it feel
very safe to speak up.
648
00:33:28,166 --> 00:33:30,986
and not in a lot of the settings.
649
00:33:30,986 --> 00:33:35,276
People will not feel safe if,
there are 20 people with different
650
00:33:35,276 --> 00:33:36,871
ranking and, whatever you say.
651
00:33:37,566 --> 00:33:38,346
won't feel safe.
652
00:33:38,346 --> 00:33:43,656
one way I've learned to do is to break
people into small groups, to do something
653
00:33:43,656 --> 00:33:45,186
called connection before content.
654
00:33:46,206 --> 00:33:50,196
Because in if If there is three,
uh, uh, people in a group, it's
655
00:33:50,196 --> 00:33:52,896
way safer for people to speak up.
656
00:33:52,966 --> 00:33:57,496
so that's, uh, that, that's, in a
sense when you ask people to share,
657
00:33:57,766 --> 00:34:00,736
then it's also a little bit more
courage because they've already.
658
00:34:00,961 --> 00:34:05,181
Talked about it once in a small group,
and then that's what creates connection.
659
00:34:05,181 --> 00:34:09,190
Because when one person says, you know,
I have this hesitation and, whatever.
660
00:34:09,190 --> 00:34:11,380
Indeed, like, oh wow, he spoke up.
661
00:34:11,411 --> 00:34:12,190
I can too.
662
00:34:12,621 --> 00:34:15,821
instead of, Andrea, you stood in
front of the room, you're the person
663
00:34:15,821 --> 00:34:20,141
in front and you're asking who has
questions on who, who has concerns.
664
00:34:21,851 --> 00:34:22,031
Yeah.
665
00:34:22,811 --> 00:34:23,650
I don't want to say it.
666
00:34:23,710 --> 00:34:24,460
I don't wanna say it.
667
00:34:25,929 --> 00:34:26,489
Kenny Schwegler: Concerns.
668
00:34:26,784 --> 00:34:27,924
I don't have concerns.
669
00:34:27,954 --> 00:34:28,734
Whatcha talking about?
670
00:34:28,734 --> 00:34:29,514
I'm an architect.
671
00:34:30,234 --> 00:34:30,984
I don't have concerns.
672
00:34:31,255 --> 00:34:31,646
Xin Yao: Yeah.
673
00:34:31,735 --> 00:34:36,146
And I think one thing for me, maybe it's
easier for me to do as a female is to
674
00:34:36,206 --> 00:34:38,696
invite the emotional language in the game.
675
00:34:39,956 --> 00:34:44,456
said it too about a DRI think once
you know a talk about emotions,
676
00:34:44,795 --> 00:34:45,966
there was one psychologist.
677
00:34:47,126 --> 00:34:47,576
something.
678
00:34:47,576 --> 00:34:51,266
He, he basically discovered that if
you take away the emotional center of
679
00:34:51,266 --> 00:34:53,906
the brain, people can't make decisions.
680
00:34:54,186 --> 00:34:57,326
they can still do chess, but they
can't decide what to have for
681
00:34:57,326 --> 00:34:59,546
lunch, what to put on to go to work.
682
00:34:59,971 --> 00:35:04,111
And so that, that emotion, so
when people are having these
683
00:35:04,111 --> 00:35:05,371
things, what are you feeling?
684
00:35:05,371 --> 00:35:09,031
What's what, what, me one word
to tell how you're feeling
685
00:35:09,031 --> 00:35:10,171
about this workshop right now.
686
00:35:10,201 --> 00:35:12,211
Let's, let's take a,
let's take a break, right?
687
00:35:12,259 --> 00:35:12,529
Andrew Harmel-Law: had that
688
00:35:12,631 --> 00:35:13,641
Xin Yao: And, yeah.
689
00:35:13,749 --> 00:35:14,799
Andrew Harmel-Law: lots in my book about
690
00:35:14,836 --> 00:35:14,956
Xin Yao: I.
691
00:35:15,279 --> 00:35:17,229
Andrew Harmel-Law: of it because
people think like sation, right?
692
00:35:17,229 --> 00:35:20,529
We think it's a very masculine,
factual, intellectual activity.
693
00:35:20,559 --> 00:35:24,009
And fundamentally it's like guessing and
we're taking a jump and we're doing what
694
00:35:24,009 --> 00:35:25,929
we think hope, what we hope is gonna work.
695
00:35:26,619 --> 00:35:27,489
people don't do that,
696
00:35:27,581 --> 00:35:28,031
Xin Yao: Yeah.
697
00:35:28,061 --> 00:35:28,331
Yeah.
698
00:35:28,331 --> 00:35:31,901
So we are, we're, until, uh, I
can't remember his last name.
699
00:35:31,901 --> 00:35:35,771
He said that we are not machines having.
700
00:35:36,776 --> 00:35:41,276
We are not, uh, thinking machines that
feel, we are feeling machines that think
701
00:35:43,016 --> 00:35:44,996
it's very interesting to see it that way.
702
00:35:45,819 --> 00:35:46,059
Andrew Harmel-Law: that's a
703
00:35:46,321 --> 00:35:46,601
Xin Yao: yeah.
704
00:35:46,899 --> 00:35:49,239
Andrew Harmel-Law: a great this episode
705
00:35:49,319 --> 00:35:49,729
Kenny Schwegler: Yeah.
706
00:35:49,809 --> 00:35:50,559
Andrew Harmel-Law: Kenny and Andrea.
707
00:35:50,559 --> 00:35:50,769
Right.
708
00:35:50,829 --> 00:35:51,789
That's fantastic.
709
00:35:52,059 --> 00:35:53,469
Thanks Shin for everything.
710
00:35:53,499 --> 00:35:55,499
That was super interesting and, thanks
711
00:35:55,725 --> 00:35:55,815
Andrea Magnorsky: you.
712
00:35:55,906 --> 00:35:56,146
Xin Yao: Thank
713
00:35:56,146 --> 00:35:56,886
Andrew Harmel-Law: thanks, Kenny and.
714
00:35:56,946 --> 00:35:58,286
Andrea, and hopefully
715
00:35:58,369 --> 00:35:58,449
Xin Yao: you.
716
00:35:58,766 --> 00:36:01,966
Andrew Harmel-Law: enjoys the listening to
all of the information and knowledge and
717
00:36:01,966 --> 00:36:04,456
experience and wisdom that Shin shared.
718
00:36:04,846 --> 00:36:05,656
Thank you everybody.
719
00:36:05,896 --> 00:36:06,256
See you
720
00:36:06,454 --> 00:36:07,504
Xin Yao: Thank you for having me.