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Episode #150 - Leaving Messages Sharing What We Have Learned: An Interview With Tammy Cohen
Episode 15512th September 2024 • Speaking From The Heart • Joshua D. Smith
00:00:00 00:45:17

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In a world of interconnectivity, finding the right communication medium is truly important to not only help you get your message across effectively, but to help others get to know who you are. The last part, personal connection, is vastly important in the relationships, confidence, and determination that we are building to become huge advocates in our ever-changing, ever-evolving growth, particularly when it comes to the connections that we need to foster. How do we foster them, especially in a variety of challenging situations? Today's guest, author of Text Messages To My Sons, Tammy Cohen, shares how this idea of interconnectivity begins, and how it helped foster a deeper appreciation of not only her family, but with the people she wished to grow with. It is not only about seeking out new ideas and sources of information, but also projecting growth through these activities that foster opportunities for more well-rounded development to occur!

Guest Bio

Tammy Cohen has been partnering with top-tier corporate executives and entrepreneurs to develop personal and professional brands for more than 20 years. Today, she understands her role as a connector and sees opportunities for women to thrive and grow exponentially. She founded Women Beyond the Table, a business network with a soul. Tammy also launched the Beyond the Table Podcast, leveraging her ability to connect with audiences by sharing her guest’s stories and wisdom. In her consulting work, Tammy connects her clients to their mission, vision and core values statements and utilizes her networks to develop brands. Tammy is a frequent podcast guest and speaker on topics ranging from branding to leadership. When she is not helping brands or women stand out, Tammy lives in Manhattan, NY with her husband and 3 sons and owns Eighteen Restaurant on the Upper Eastside. Text Messages to My Sons is Tammy’s first book where she connects deeply with her family in a world of devices.

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/Textmessagestomysons/

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Website: https://tcbrandconsulting.com/

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Transcripts

Intro:

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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:

determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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:

This is Speaking From The Heart.

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:

Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 150 of Speaking from the Heart.

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Today, we have Tammy Cohen, and Tammy

has been partnering with top tier

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corporate executives and entrepreneurs

to develop personal and professional

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brands for more than 20 years.

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Today, she understands her role as a

connector, and sees opportunities for

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women to thrive and grow exponentially.

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She founded Woman Beyond the Table,

which is a business network with a soul.

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Tammy also launched the Beyond

The Table podcast, leveraging her

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ability to connect with audiences by

sharing her guest's story and wisdom.

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In her consulting work, Tammy connects

her clients to their mission, vision,

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and core value statements, and utilizes

her networks to develop brands.

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She is a frequent podcast guest and

speaker on topics ranging from branding

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to leadership, and when she's not

helping brands or women stand out,

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Tammy lives in Manhattan, New York, with

her husband and three sons, and owns

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18 Restaurant on the Upper East Side.

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Text Messages To My Sons is Tammy's first

book where she connects deeply with her

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family in a world of devices, and I really

love this episode for so many reasons.

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Tammy really digs into some of the ideas

of working on ourselves, how we can

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expand our networks as a whole, because

let's face it, in this ever changing

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world, we have to be able to build those

relationships which really align with what

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I even do, and she brings some valuable

insight, but she deep dives into things

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that really helps us to understand that,

even as a business owner, or even in

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our own personal lives, being able to

understand how we can connect with each

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other, even our own children, which we

talk about in today's episode, might

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not be as surprising as you might think.

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Finding ways in which we can leave a

lasting impression in the 21st century

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is something that even with the book that

she wrote, she talks about how we can

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be accountable, even in a text message

format, of ways in which we spread

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love, light, and inspiration, but hey!

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Even if you don't take my word for it,

try it out for yourself, because once

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you hear Tammy's insight about what

she's been through, I think you're

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going to have a whole different type of

appreciation as to why, oh why, you can

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even start some of the things that she's

been doing for a very long time today.

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But with that, let's go to the episode.

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Alright, we're here with Tammy Cohen.

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Tammy!

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Thanks for sharing your

heart with us today.

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Tammy: Wow.

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I love that.

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I love the idea of sharing my heart.

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My heart is full, Josh.

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So excited to be here.

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Joshua: I love that my guests are full

of a lot of great knowledge, subject

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areas, and even their stories, but I love

the fact that you're full of just this

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awesomeness that you have inside of you.

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I'm really excited to talk to you

today about some of your backstory,

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so Tammy, I really want to focus a lot

more in our conversation, which for

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my listeners, might be a little bit

different from some of my other styles of

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guests, about some of your professional

accomplishments, because I think it's a

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really interesting story that you have

as it relates to not just those things,

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but also the book that you have written,

which I want to spend some time talking

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about today too, so I just want to set

that up for our listeners just so that

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they're not thrown off, but Tammy, I

already let them know a little bit about

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your background, but I want to talk

about your business right off the bat.

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It's called Women Beyond the Table.

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I wonder if you could tell us a little

bit about why you got started with it.

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What got you involved with it?

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What do you actually

do with your business?

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Tammy: Well, it's really interesting.

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That's a great question, Josh.

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Let's backtrack a little bit.

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One of the businesses that

I have is brand messaging.

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I work in the gem and jewelry space as

a brand messaging consultant, and when I

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was traveling a lot, it was very involved

with work, and when the pandemic hit and

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there was a shutdown, I kind of realized,

"Oh, like, what am I going to do with

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myself?", and then I realized, "Oh.

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I have a minute to think.

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I'm really not that happy with myself,

and I have a lot of things I need to

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figure out and work on.", because I was

so busy, I didn't have time to think,

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but now I had a lot of time to think.

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This is also the time that,

with Women Beyond The Table came

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into play and started the book.

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It was kind of very simultaneous, so what

happened was I was thinking, "I am working

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with one client who has all of my time."

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Yes, it's very exciting.

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Yes, they're global, and I'm doing

well with them, but the pandemic hit,

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and everything stopped, and so did my

income, and I realized I can't have

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all my eggs in one basket, and I had

to figure out how to navigate and I had

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to figure out, "What am I going to do?"

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When I started putting this

all together, I was, "Oh.

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I need a business coach.

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I need this.

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I need so many things.", because

I've kind of had been out of the

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industry, working with other people.

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I was always with one client, so Josh,

what I did was I started getting out there

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and thinking about what do I need to do

to expand my business and to be viable.

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As I was doing that, I

was looking on websites.

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I mean, I was always a good networker.

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I was always a good connector.

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I always knew people, but sometimes

there's very specific skill sets

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that you need when you want to

expand your business, when you want

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to understand technology, when you

don't know how to work on automation.

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There's a lot of these platforms out

there that are amazing, but I'm of a

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certain age group that it just is very

daunting, so I said to him, "Wouldn't it

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be nice?", because I was Googling away.

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I was clicking on things, and to get a

download, you have to give your email,

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and then the minute you give your email,

you get 3,000 email automations for the

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rest of your life; basically one every

day asking you to buy their services,

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or bothering you with something, and

you're just like, "I don't care.", so

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I said, How would it be if there was

like a network of women, of people I,

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could trust that could give me advice,

that could answer questions, that can

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connect me to somebody who is trustworthy

to provide a service, or that they

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have the service that can help me out

to further my goals?', so that's how

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Women Beyond the Table came about.

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What happened was I went to five

colleagues and I was like, "Listen.

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I have an idea.

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What do you think?"

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I said.

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They go, "Ooh.

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It's a good idea.

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That's a good idea.

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You should do that."

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Okay, so, yes, I have an MBA.

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Okay.

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I got it in 1992.

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It's very traditional MBA.

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I had no idea.

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There's no course work.

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How do you start a

global business network?

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I said, "Well, I'm going to have a call."

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I'm going to say, "I'm going to

call on Zoom, and would you attend?"

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They're like, "Yeah.

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Sure, like we're your friend.

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We'll attend."

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"Okay.", so that's how it

started in January:

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I made a little agenda, and I sent it to

five people, and it just kind of started

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taking on a life of its own, and now here

we are in:

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pike, we're doing things, and we have

a website, and we have social media.

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We have an advisory board, and we have

members from all around the world, so

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it's really, really exciting, and that's

basically where we're at right now.

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It's an LLC.

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It didn't start that way, and I didn't

even think I could pass the first

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year, tell you the truth, but, it

took on a life of its own, and that's

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because the women who are attracted

to this group, or part of this group,

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are really kind, good natured, smart,

women business owners, really just

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want to support and help each other.

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They're nonjudgmental.

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They're noncompetitive.

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We call ourselves a business

network with a soul, and I think

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that's what people relate to.

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They relate to making friends, having

connections, having people they can trust,

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having people that aren't judging them,

a safe space, and I think that's what

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kind of missing in the business realm.

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We're not C suite women.

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We're not the whole corporate thing.

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We're really very much women who are

achieving things, and they're the

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one woman show, or they have small

businesses, or they've made it to a

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certain point, but it's work, and they're

at it every day, so that's who we are.

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Joshua: I was going to ask you if the

networks consisted of different types

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of people in terms of not only their

personality, but if they feed into an

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overall mission, but you answered all

those great things, because I find

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that I want to be attracted also to

certain people as well, being a coach

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myself, wanting to help expand that

network, being able to associate with

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like minded people that are feeding

into the same mission, vision, values,

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that I even have for that matter.

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Was there an idea, maybe that catapulted

this in the first place in terms of

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that need, because I know for some

people, trying to find a niche as to

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how you can penetrate into a market,

or even trying to find that voice,

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kind of like what I've have worked

with a variety of different people.

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Sometimes it means trying to figure

out where is there a need, or a gap.

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Did you have to do that kind of

starting out, and if so, maybe you

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can walk us through at a high level.

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How can people find stuff like that

themselves, where maybe they can

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find a niche to help in their sort of

respective area, or field of their choice?

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Tammy: That's interesting because

I always look at it from- I work

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in brand messaging, so I was

looking at it from, All right.

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Who are you?

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First of all, what is your story?

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What's your deep dive?"

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I have a sheet, a deep dive that I do.

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It's a discovery thing, and

where you have to really think,

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like why do I do what I do?

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Why am I in this business?

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What do I love about my business?

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What do I love about my process?

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What do I love about my customers?

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You go through all these different

things; the why ladder almost.

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Why am I here?

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What is this about?

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What lights me up?

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Does this light me up?

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That's the first thing you have to ask

yourself, and then, I also take it one

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step further, because you have a service.

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You have a product, so you have

an audience that you want to

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buy those services/products,

so you have to do the research.

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You have to figure out my ideal client.

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We have women in the group, actually.

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There's one of the women

who's a marketing expert.

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She's amazing, and she's been teaching

us about creating the ideal client

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persona, and creating an avatar

of your dream client that you want

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to attract, but also understanding

that women: where the hanging out?

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What are the pain points?

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What are their needs?

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What are they looking for?

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What would make their lives easier?

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What can you offer?

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What is the benefit you're going

to provide to that ideal client

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that they're searching for?

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You have to know, in your ideal client

persona, you actually outline and you

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look at who they are, what they're about.

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This is the person you want to bring

in, but what are their needs, and

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that's really what it's all about.

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I think in business, it's about

providing value, and bringing benefit,

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and understanding what your target

audience is not getting, and learning

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what they're not getting, and what their

pain points are, and going in there

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and saying, "I can help you with that."

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"I can help you with that.", but you have

to have some authority, and you have to

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be able to build trust, and I'm really

leery, and the first thing I always say

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to people is, "Never pitch anybody."

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Never try to sell anybody.

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Have a conversation.", because anybody

you want to bring in as a client,

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like if you were meeting somebody

for the first time at a cocktail

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party, you're going to be like, "Hi!

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I'm Tammy Cohen.

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I do this.

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I do that.

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These are my clients."

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"I've won this award, and

do you want my services?"

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They would look at you like, "What?",

If you're at a wedding, okay.

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It's the same thing.

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Build and have a conversation, and

figure out where they're hanging

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out, and then meet them that way,

and comment on their social media

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platforms, and be engaging with them,

and they'll get to know you that way.

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It's so interesting to me, because

I really was never much into posting

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myself, but I was more into looking

at the people that I admire that I

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would love to work with, and going

on to their sites and commenting on

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what they're doing, and you know what?

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The ones who always looking at

their comments, and answering,

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and they get to know you that way.

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You build up a little bit of

a relationship, and then it's

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like, "Let's have a coffee."

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"Oh!

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You're going to be at that conference?

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Let's meet up."

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There's a lot of ways to go about

it, but I think it's about being

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transparent, being a human being.

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Figuring out how you're going to

serve, not who's going to serve you.

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Joshua: I love that.

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I was chuckling to myself as you

saw as I was doing this, and I know

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that for my listeners, you only are

hearing the audio, but I was literally

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chuckling, because every single thing

you said, I've seen other people do.

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They're running up, getting up to

someone's face, being like, "Here's

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my business!", and vomiting all this

information that they never even asked.

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They never were approached

to be asked about.

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I mean, I tell people have an elevator

speech ready, but that doesn't give you

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credence to go up to somebody when they

didn't ask for it to just share all these

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things because we are not ready for that.

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We don't want to hear what you have

to say until we get to that point.

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Maybe we already have somebody already

doing that for us like you said, so

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I find that all fascinating to me,

because it's just about being not just

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persistent, which, yeah, there's a

level of what persistence, and I use

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air quotes on that, how much level you

get into when it comes to that, but even

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from myself being that I just started in

the last year and a half or so, I don't

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want to be somebody that is like, "Oh!

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I'm an authority and all this.",

when I know that there's people

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20, 30 years already doing this.

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I know where my lane is and I will

build up to that, so you share

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some valuable points with that, so

listeners, if you weren't paying

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attention to that, you should.

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Tammy was just throwing

some truth bombs there.

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Tammy: I think what you said is

really excellent, Josh, because

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knowing your lane is important.

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I'm not saying, "Oh, you have to stick

that way and you can't deviate.",

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because you know how the road is, right?

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Joshua: Yeah.

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Tammy: Our life is a road, and there's

a lot of turn offs and things that

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happen, but when you understand your

lane, where your strengths are, and

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what you're good at, you can dominate

that lane pretty easily, because

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you're synergistic of where you're

supposed to be at today, at this time.

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I don't think about the future.

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I mean, why bother?

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Just do it now.

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Do whatever you need to do right now.

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That's it.

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Joshua: I think of it, and I've shared

this with even some clients of mine too

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is about scalability, so you might be

at this today, and I'm like at a lower

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level, but I might be at a higher level

down the road, because of what I'm

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building myself up to, so being able to

know when you're ready to do that, always

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growing, always being able to expand

at that time, so that's why I resonate

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with it, because I know my lane right

now, but that lane, I'm going to take

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a left turn and be in the left lane at

some point, and even further left lane.

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Yeah.

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Tammy: And you know what?

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Just because that road has some

potholes, and is a little bit gnarly,

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doesn't mean you jump off of it either.

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That's the beauty of it, right?

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You're going to have challenges.

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It doesn't mean you're wrong.

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It just means that you

have to figure it out.

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There's a lesson that God wants you to

figure it out, and you have to learn

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it, because you'll get to the next level

once you've learned that lesson, and

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there's a reason you have to know it.

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Joshua: Perfect segue into your book.

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I love the title of this, so I will

have this in the episode notes, but

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I got to read this out, Tammy, so

Text Messages To My Sons: Connecting

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Deeply In A World of Devices, and

when I read it, I thought, "I really,

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really, really, really hated my phone."

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at a moment of time where I thought,

"I don't know why I keep this.",

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but then I read this title of this

book and I thinking, "You know what?

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This device is so powerful.", but I know

that the title might be a lot more than

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what's on the surface, so you talked

a little bit about that development

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of yourself and that ties so well

into this so I'm going to let you talk

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a little bit about the book and why

you wrote it, but what do people get

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out of that book if they pick it up?

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Tammy: Okay, so I never had any

intention of writing a book.

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I didn't do any of these text

messages to my kids, my three sons.

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I never thought about a book.

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What happened was, during the pandemic,

once again, the shutdown, and I was

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going through this learning phase,

this personal, growth development.

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I was in it.

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I was really in it, and the

coaches, and the Mindvalley and Tony

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Robbins and Jay Shetty, and I was

on Life Block, and Joe Dispenza.

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I just was going on and on and

on because like you said, right?

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There's people who've been 30 years

learning and researching things

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and coming up with amazing ideas.

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You can read their books, and get

what took them 30 years to figure out.

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You can get that in a

book, so I was reading.

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I was in quantum physics.

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I still am.

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I was all over the place, and I

said, "You know what?", I said.

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"I want to reach my kids where they're at.

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Not where I'm at."

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Where I'm at, I like having

in person conversations, Josh.

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I like picking up the phone.

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I like having a conversation.

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I'm a connector like that, but that's

not where a lot of people are today.

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They're on their devices, and you go out

to dinner, you sit at a table with people,

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and they're all looking at their phone.

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You can go to sporting events, you

know, people looking at their phones,

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so that's where they're at, so you

have to reach them that way, and I

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never thought for a minute that I

expected anything back from my kids.

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I didn't expect them to reply and say,

"I love you, Mom.", or, "You're amazing."

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No.

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I just said, I want to send

them this; this is my main goal.

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Every day.

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Five days a week, not on weekends,

I send them a message with love.

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How much I love them.

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How important they are.

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How worthy they are.

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I provide inspiration, something that

is really inspirational, but I was

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:

sharing knowledge, because I was so

excited about what I was learning, I

345

:

wanted to share it with them, because

I'm a human being, and I need- I

346

:

grow and I'm learning this stuff.

347

:

It's really cool.

348

:

I think you should know it exists; know

it's a possibility, and I was sharing

349

:

quotes, and I was asking them what

they think, and what my insight was on

350

:

something, but it was also able to be

accountable to them in these messages,

351

:

and admit how many times I was unhappy,

and I might've done something to them, or

352

:

said something to them, or acted a certain

way, and they, as a child, think they did

353

:

something, and they didn't do anything.

354

:

It was just me.

355

:

It was me where my head was, and they

started to see me as a person, and

356

:

I really was being accountable, and

I was trying to explain sometimes,

357

:

because it hurts me like when you

not nice to your kid, or when you're

358

:

screaming, or you're out of control,

because you are out of control.

359

:

It has nothing to do with them.

360

:

They're not the trigger.

361

:

You're just not okay, and I

went through many years of that.

362

:

Listen, we all have our origin story

of how we grew up and what we bring

363

:

along with us, and the baggage, and

the behaviors, and things like that,

364

:

so I want to be more cognizant of it,

and what happened was I got into this

365

:

rhythm with them and I did it every day.

366

:

You know what?

367

:

I just committed to doing it,

and I'm still doing it, even

368

:

though the book came out.

369

:

What happened was I was just telling

colleagues and friends and people

370

:

I know, like, "This is what I do.

371

:

This is what I'm doing.", and

they were like, "Oh my God!

372

:

That's amazing!

373

:

You should put that in a book.

374

:

Why don't you put that in a

book?", and I was just like, "What?

375

:

What do you mean put it in a book?

376

:

I don't know how to write a book.

377

:

What do you mean write a book?", so,

what happened was enough people started

378

:

saying it, and I was like, "You know what?

379

:

I should look into this.", and that's

how Text Messages To My Sons: Connecting

380

:

People In The World of Devices, and

what was really amazing to me is not

381

:

only did my kids get involved with

this process of getting this book

382

:

out there, they wrote the forward.

383

:

They wrote the foreword of what it

means to them to get these messages,

384

:

because they know they're loved.

385

:

They know that regardless of what

somebody gives a shit, somebody cares.

386

:

Somebody thinks they're all that, and

that I'm sharing interesting things.

387

:

Now the book, itself, is written

in 10 chapters: mindfulness

388

:

and gratitude, discipline and

determination, leadership, focus, all

389

:

kinds of chapters, and the messages

that apply go into those chapters.

390

:

It's the first book ever written in

text message format, so it's really

391

:

easy to read, so people are telling

me, "I love this book because it's so

392

:

easy to read.", and they're so used

to reading text, and you know what?

393

:

I can jump anywhere in

that book to get inspired.

394

:

There's no story development.

395

:

There's no character development, so

you don't have to start from a, and go

396

:

through each page, because you're going

to miss a detail, so people are loving it.

397

:

They tell me it's really easy,

and I'm just so taken aback by

398

:

it because they're like, "Wow!

399

:

These messages are amazing and so

meaningful.", and I said, "Thank you.

400

:

I just was writing what I was

learning it from my heart.

401

:

I wasn't really thinking more than that."

402

:

Now, when I actually wanted to do a book,

I went to professionals and I asked them

403

:

for editing because I needed editing.

404

:

I didn't know how to edit properly.

405

:

I didn't know how to do citations, because

there's a lot of quotes, and you have to

406

:

make sure they're attributed correctly.

407

:

I didn't know how to format,

and also there was a designer.

408

:

We had to hire for the cover, because

the covers, the back cover and the

409

:

front cover, have to be designed,

and we wanted it to be eye catching.

410

:

My kids were, like I said, they

got involved with it, and I really

411

:

took whatever they said to heart,

because I wanted their imprint

412

:

on it too, and you know what?

413

:

There we are.

414

:

It took eight months to

publish, and we're out.

415

:

It's been out.

416

:

I'm excited about it.

417

:

Joshua: First off, my mom and you should

talk, because she doesn't know how to

418

:

use her cell phone, and I wish that she

would text me more as opposed to sending

419

:

me emails or messages on Facebook.

420

:

I just want to text.

421

:

Give me a text, mom!

422

:

Maybe you could show

her a couple of things.

423

:

Tammy: I would show her how to text.

424

:

You know, I'm going to tell you,

Josh, that I have adults who say to

425

:

me, " I just started texting my kids.

426

:

I'm texting them."

427

:

I've had adults tell me, "I feel

like there's less tension since I

428

:

started.", and some people like, "Well,

what if they don't answer me back?"

429

:

I said, "You know, they don't

have to answer you back.

430

:

It's not about them answering you back.

431

:

It's about you reaching out to them.", and

over time, every message sinks in, and the

432

:

day that you're no longer on this planet,

you know what they're going to remember?

433

:

You know what they're going

to really miss from you?

434

:

They're going to miss those

messages, and you know what?

435

:

They might start doing

it with their loved ones.

436

:

They might start spreading it out,

so what we have to do is spread

437

:

love, light, inspiration, real

knowledge, because it's the only way

438

:

to counter what's going on out there.

439

:

Now, look, devices are

neither good nor bad.

440

:

They're a technology, right?

441

:

Joshua: Yeah.

442

:

Tammy: What is really bad is the content.

443

:

Everything is about the content that

you're sending, and the content that

444

:

you're receiving, and in order for us to

change these algorithms that are based

445

:

on hate, propaganda, this is what the

turning up because this is what humans

446

:

always respond to, and what our kids

are seeing, we have to bring light.

447

:

We have to do the opposite.

448

:

We have to work really hard at this,

because it's a much bigger issue

449

:

than just sending messages of love.

450

:

Messages of love are beautiful.

451

:

Love is the highest frequency.

452

:

Gratitude is a high frequency.

453

:

What we're getting now is low level,

low frequency disinformation, and things

454

:

that are being said, and repeated, and

going on, and it's just mind boggling,

455

:

and I'm fearful that we're really at

this place that as a culture, we're being

456

:

completely rewritten and rechanged, and

we don't even know it, because we're so

457

:

hooked into these devices that are just

stealing our focus, our attention, our

458

:

over engagement, too much of this negative

information, so I'm trying to find a way

459

:

to inspire people to change that paradigm.

460

:

That's what I'm trying to do.

461

:

Joshua: That's why my comment comes

from that place, because I feel

462

:

that those are the remnants of being

able to hold on to somebody that

463

:

might not be around on this earth.

464

:

I know my mom only has a finite

amount of time, and that's why I kind

465

:

of appreciate the book you written,

because you show an example, an actual

466

:

testimony, of this is what I did with

my sons and look what awesome things we

467

:

were able to share and collaborate on.

468

:

I actually am curious about this.

469

:

This is a question that came to my mind

when you were explaining it earlier.

470

:

Were your sons hesitant when you started

texting them all these inspirations,

471

:

these quotes, these conversations?

472

:

Were they a little apprehensive

about doing it at first?

473

:

I'm kind of curious.

474

:

Tammy: You know what the funny

thing was, is that they were

475

:

like, "Your texts are really long.

476

:

I was like, "Yeah, because I'm into

my thing.", and they're like, "They're

477

:

very long, but they're well written."

478

:

Joshua: Well, you know what-

479

:

Tammy: They got a kick out of it.

480

:

Sometimes, we actually

discuss whatever I text.

481

:

We'd have all thing about it,

because they come over for

482

:

Friday night dinner every week.

483

:

We try to have at least one night,

because two of them don't live at home.

484

:

We try to get together for Friday

night dinner, and then we'll discuss

485

:

a topic, but they always got a kick

out of how long winded I can be.

486

:

Joshua: Since they wrote your forward,

I guess then they were a little

487

:

long winded, and probably doing

that then to give you a little bit

488

:

of payback, like, "I got your mom.

489

:

Now I'm going to do this for you, and

I'm going to write whatever I want."

490

:

Tammy: Yeah.

491

:

You know what?

492

:

They surprised me, because I thought I

would have to ask them like a hundred

493

:

times to do the forward, or did you do it?

494

:

They were like, "Yeah,

we want to do a forward."

495

:

I'm like, "Okay."

496

:

"Did you do it?"

497

:

"Did you do it?"

498

:

No.

499

:

They actually just took

it upon themselves.

500

:

The three of them got together and

they did it, and I was really pleased.

501

:

I was really impressed.

502

:

It's such a big shift because I started

texting when they got their phones.

503

:

Now, my kids got their phones later

than most kids today, because they

504

:

grew up, like my oldest is 30.

505

:

I'm lucky.

506

:

I'm worried about little kids having

phones, to be perfectly honest

507

:

with you, but it's out there there.

508

:

They have phones.

509

:

They have devices.

510

:

All of my texts, Josh were like

reminders, reprimands, or commands.

511

:

"Where are you?"

512

:

"What do you want?

513

:

You want money?

514

:

You want money?

515

:

What do you want?"

516

:

I'm busy."

517

:

"What do you want?"

518

:

"What did you forget?"

519

:

"Would you be here?"

520

:

"I'm picking you up."

521

:

There was no exchange, and they

would answer me with three letter

522

:

acronyms like they use now.

523

:

All those three letter acronyms.

524

:

Joshua: WYD.

525

:

That's a new one I've been learning.

526

:

What are you doing?

527

:

Tammy: I was like, "I

don't know what these mean.

528

:

What do you mean?", or I'd send

them a whole reprimand, like well

529

:

written reprimand, because I was

upset about something, and I said,

530

:

"I don't want to communicate like

this anymore.", not to say that

531

:

we don't have texts that say like,

"What time are you going to be at the

532

:

restaurant?", or, "Where are you going?

533

:

Let's meet up.", but I wanted to give

something else besides that typical,

534

:

not really warm, connecting kind of

conversation, which is the typical

535

:

conversation that a lot of us have

with our kids on the phone, on text.

536

:

Joshua: But, you know, you said

something earlier that strikes

537

:

me, and it's something that I

didn't learn until much later.

538

:

I'm 37.

539

:

I admit that.

540

:

I don't care my listeners know.

541

:

They know that I'm a young sap, but

you could be technically my mom,

542

:

which I'm not going to say that.

543

:

Tammy: I could totally

be technically your mom.

544

:

Joshua: Yeah.

545

:

Yeah.

546

:

You could adopt me if you want.

547

:

I mean, I am going to need- no.

548

:

My real mom would be mad if she

found out that you did that, but-

549

:

Tammy: She might be offended, Josh.

550

:

Joshua: She might be, but you know what?

551

:

My mom loves me anyway.

552

:

She will always love me, and

that's what I love about moms.

553

:

Tammy: We love our kids.

554

:

Joshua: But, you said

something that's so important.

555

:

Sometimes, we're thinking about,

"This is what I got to say.

556

:

This is how I'm going to say it, and

this is what my role is.", but you take

557

:

a big step back, and saying, "Yeah.

558

:

This technology can have some big harm,

but I'm using it for good.", and I

559

:

feel that you did that with your sons,

because it sounds to me that you have

560

:

a much better relationship with all of

them, and you have three sons, correct?

561

:

Tammy: Yes, three sons.

562

:

Joshua: Do you have better

relationships with all three of

563

:

them as a result of doing this?

564

:

Tammy: You know what?

565

:

I think they've grown to see me as a

human being, and I think that's great.

566

:

Listen.

567

:

Am I their buddy?

568

:

We're not buddies.

569

:

I mean, I like to think that they

would see me as somebody that they

570

:

could talk to, but they do come

to me when they have an issue.

571

:

They do still talk to me

if something's going on.

572

:

They want my input.

573

:

They'll have something that they

need to figure out, and ask me my

574

:

input, so that means a lot to me.

575

:

That means that they care.

576

:

Are we like, "Oh my God, love you.

577

:

Let's vacation and be

together all the time."

578

:

No!

579

:

They have their space.

580

:

Two of them live downtown.

581

:

I don't get downtown all the time.

582

:

They try to come uptown once a week, or

twice a week, so we can get together, but

583

:

at the end of the day, I feel like they

see me differently than just a parent.

584

:

I remember all the times they

used to tell me, "You don't

585

:

know what you're talking about.

586

:

Relax.

587

:

You don't know what you're talking

about.", because I would blow up, or I

588

:

will lose my mind, and I didn't think

I was wrong most of the time, and now

589

:

we don't have those conversations,

because I was accountable and I think

590

:

that's what changed us, and I don't

sit here and make, "Oh, I'm sorry.

591

:

I'm sorry.

592

:

I did this.

593

:

I did that."

594

:

No.

595

:

I just shared, but they know I'm their

mother, and they have to respect me

596

:

at the end of the day, and respect

is earned, and I respect them.

597

:

You have to give respect, and then they

model, so if you're giving respect, and

598

:

you're acting a certain way, and you're

being accountable, and you're ethical,

599

:

and your character coming through, they

will model that, and they will feel

600

:

it, and it will be more of a- I want

to say transparent relationship, in a

601

:

way, so I think that's the difference.

602

:

Joshua: I love all of this.

603

:

I love our conversation today.

604

:

I think that you've touched on some

very valuable points that I know I

605

:

have some moms that are listening to

my podcast, and they have sons and

606

:

daughters that go from a variety of

different ages that I think that you are

607

:

demonstrating today how technology can

be for our favor, as opposed to against

608

:

us, and I love that so much, and again,

I appreciate you sharing all this.

609

:

Tammy, I'm going to give you

the last few minutes now.

610

:

Maybe you want to let people know a little

bit about how they can reach out to you

611

:

if they're interested in working with you.

612

:

You do a lot of different

things with leadership and brand

613

:

consulting, which we've talked about.

614

:

Also list out how they

can pick up your book.

615

:

I would love for them to pick up your book

after hearing a little bit about it today.

616

:

I'm going to give you the last

few minutes to do all that.

617

:

Tammy: Thank you, Josh,

so my website is www.

618

:

t.

619

:

as in Tom, C as in cat,

so that's Tammy Cohen, T.

620

:

C.

621

:

Brands, B R A N D, consulting.

622

:

com, so everything, Women Beyond

the Table, I have a podcast called

623

:

Beyond the Table, my brand messaging

services, even Text Messages To My Sons.

624

:

The book is on the website

and how to contact me.

625

:

The book is available for sale

in ebook and print paperback on

626

:

Amazon, and it's easy to find it.

627

:

I use Tammy J.

628

:

Cohen on my book.

629

:

It's Tammy J.

630

:

Cohen.

631

:

Why?

632

:

Because there are a lot of Tammy cones

out there, and there happens to be Tammy

633

:

Cohn authors, so I said let me put the J

in there so I could separate myself out

634

:

a little bit, but yeah, Text Messages

To My Sons is available on Amazon.

635

:

There's also a link, of course, directly

on my website to get there, so that's

636

:

probably the best way to reach me,

and the best way to get the book.

637

:

Joshua: Awesome.

638

:

I'll put all that in the episode notes for

any of my listeners that wake to reach out

639

:

to Tammy and continue the conversation.

640

:

Maybe she can help you out with all

those things that she does, but I

641

:

definitely recommend picking up the book.

642

:

I know I'm going to.

643

:

It's a very fascinating read from

what I read already on the website,

644

:

and I really want to pick it up, but

Tammy, I just want to say I am from

645

:

a different generation, obviously.

646

:

We've already kind of dispelled all that

today, but you've taught me something

647

:

about not only fostering relationships

with other people about not just breathing

648

:

down their necks, and trying to get

that quick sale, but building authentic

649

:

relationships and I think that we-

650

:

Tammy: Connection.

651

:

Joshua: Yes.

652

:

Tammy: Humans need connection.

653

:

Joshua: Yes.

654

:

Tammy: Doesn't matter.

655

:

We're all the same.

656

:

They're searching for it.

657

:

They want it.

658

:

They want that connection, and

nothing but a quick sale anymore.

659

:

It's almost like it's shady.

660

:

Joshua: Yeah.

661

:

Tammy: They they want to

know you a little bit.

662

:

You want to find that

commonality, and you know what?

663

:

Don't you find that when you find

something common, when you have

664

:

something in common with somebody, you

just automatically feel closer to them?

665

:

Joshua: Yes.

666

:

You do, and I feel a little bit closer

because of the connection that we've made

667

:

just by talking about all these things.

668

:

I feel like one of your sons, and because

of that, I'm going to leave it on that.

669

:

Tammy, thanks so much for being

on Speaking From The Heart.

670

:

I really did appreciate our

conversation, and I know our listeners

671

:

will get a lot out of it as well,

so thank you for your time today.

672

:

Tammy: Well, thank you,

Josh, for having me.

673

:

I appreciate it, and

it was such a pleasure.

674

:

Joshua: Again, I want to thank Tammy so

much for her time and spending a little

675

:

bit of it with me to talk about her

ability to keep on moving past all the

676

:

different things that have happened in

her life, but yet at the same token, being

677

:

able to spill into other people's lives,

giving them ideas, working with all kinds

678

:

of different perspectives and allowing

them to see it for themselves of what

679

:

they could potentially become, but it all

starts with an idea, so I have to ask you,

680

:

right off the bat, even after listening

to this today, where are you getting some

681

:

of your ideas that you're working on?

682

:

Maybe it's from people that

you pick up along the way.

683

:

Maybe they're things that you have

seen at meetings, conferences,

684

:

even your significant others.

685

:

Having that "aha" moment, in which you can

go into a variety of different directions,

686

:

can help you go where you need to go.

687

:

It's just a starting point.

688

:

I know of many things that even my own

clients have done, mind mapping for

689

:

that matter, that help you to connect

one thought to another and how they

690

:

relate in a significant fashion, but

it's really about that expansion, taking

691

:

that idea and running with it often

times is where most people fall flat,

692

:

because they don't have the necessary

relationships, the right resources

693

:

for that matter, to make that happen.

694

:

Whether it's financial, whether

it's something with capital that you

695

:

need to have, whether it's even just

having a brand behind it, having those

696

:

networks that help you to answer those

questions, especially in Tammy's case,

697

:

really gave her that opportunity, that

idea to create the table that she has

698

:

created and has been so successful at.

699

:

If you think about it, we have created

these kind of tables in our own lives.

700

:

Whether those are the family tables that

we grew up around with our kids, or even

701

:

working with the ways in which we have

done it, or even working with kids that

702

:

are in the lunch table at our own school.

703

:

We were able to create these relationships

and dive into them because we simply

704

:

knew that with sharing those kinds of

ideas with them, being part of that grand

705

:

adventure, that meant that we had the

immediate support of some of those people.

706

:

We knew that regardless of what we

said, they were going to buy into it,

707

:

and that's usually where it starts.

708

:

It starts right from where that

centerpiece is and it allows you to

709

:

expand beyond, so having those right

relationships can make your role

710

:

as a connector even more viable.

711

:

It's helped even Tammy for that matter

to get clients and work with them to get

712

:

brands that are really well recognized,

but you have to realize, having that sheet

713

:

of where you're deep diving into, the

research that you need to do in order to

714

:

understand the industry, the requirements

to enter that industry, whether it's

715

:

from a legal standpoint, a financial

standpoint, or other things, means

716

:

that you have to understand who you're

trying to achieve as your ideal client.

717

:

For me, I'm still working on a

variety of different angles as to

718

:

what exactly is my ideal client.

719

:

Originally, it started out as

anybody 18 years and older that

720

:

has a living, breathing pulse.

721

:

Well, I realized that that might not be

the best way to go about my business.

722

:

That is not necessarily narrowing it down.

723

:

I'm trying to reach so many types of

people, while at the same time, I'm not

724

:

getting any people for that matter, and

that was something that I learned very

725

:

hard early on in my business that I then

roped back very quickly, and now feel

726

:

like I'm a lot more tailored towards

who I'm trying to approach: people that

727

:

want to work on their public speaking,

but all the things that they want to

728

:

do to help themselves become better

versions of themselves, and providing

729

:

a list of services that surround that

concept, but you have to understand

730

:

that you have to bring experience.

731

:

You have to also show what you

are providing that other people

732

:

will want to work with you on

so that you bring the goods.

733

:

It's not easy sometimes to show

that authority, that trust, because

734

:

if you think that just simply

pitching to someone is going to get

735

:

you where you need to go, you got

another thing coming to you, buddy.

736

:

It's not just about pitching all the time.

737

:

Knowing your lane, and knowing how

you get into that area is something

738

:

that is really important, and she even

talked about it with her book, which

739

:

again, I'll put that in the episode

notes so you could take a look at it,

740

:

but connecting the people means that

you have to meet them at their level.

741

:

A simple question such as, "Is

it better if I texted you, call

742

:

you, or even met with you in

person to discuss these things?"

743

:

In this ever changing world that we live

in, especially with the enhancement of

744

:

technology since the post COVID world

has occurred, we have to meet people in

745

:

certain dimensions at their own leisure.

746

:

It means that even for business owners

and for people like you and me, we have

747

:

to meet them where they're at, and some

people are simply not willing to adjust

748

:

to it, and it isn't because they're old,

and they don't understand the technology.,

749

:

Although some people would claim that is

the case, that's not always the truth.

750

:

It might not even be about

trying to meet people that way.

751

:

It takes a significant amount of time

and commitment to be able to do that,

752

:

which we've already talked about in

an earlier monologue episode about the

753

:

importance of understanding that time,

but at the same token, they have to learn

754

:

new devices, new software, new tools

of which they might have to navigate

755

:

through this ever traversed environment

that we live in that's always constantly

756

:

changing, especially as I've mentioned

in even other episodes, the role of

757

:

artificial intelligence, because of

all those things, that's what sometimes

758

:

creates that divide, but we have to

be accountable with what we share as

759

:

our message, and that's really what I

loved about Tammy's point of view today,

760

:

especially when she talks about her book.

761

:

It really shared what we need

to do to grow, and by growing,

762

:

whether we're leaving behind

messages that makes us relatable

763

:

to them and others, that's the key.

764

:

We're able to understand that connection

with somebody else if we're able to learn

765

:

how we are able to grow, and meet them

halfway, and that is really the biggest

766

:

part of what we always are missing when

we're having this kind of conversation.

767

:

Every message that we send is important.

768

:

It's mind boggling of all the things

that we can do, but yet we have to

769

:

spread the love, the light, and the

inspiration, as Tammy even alluded

770

:

to, in order to be able to do that.

771

:

Do we fall flat though?

772

:

Yes, and I can't tell you how many times

I've fallen flat with even closing that

773

:

deal, trying to get that next client,

and even keeping that relationship

774

:

that I know that I need to have.

775

:

It's all about the

experience of being human.

776

:

We have to generate that connection,

but at the same time, hold ourselves

777

:

accountable as to when those things

fail, what can we do to do better

778

:

the next time that we go about it.

779

:

I know that for many of us going through

this kind of relationship building, or

780

:

even dealing with some of the things that

we have to deal with when it comes to this

781

:

enlightenment, this ability for us to gain

new ideas and explore them, means that

782

:

we have to be a little bit more risque.

783

:

We've talked about even the challenges

that we will be having in a future

784

:

episode as it relates to this, but

I have to say, for somebody that

785

:

has worked on networking for so many

years, I think Tammy's got a point.

786

:

If we are really able to authentically

connect with each other and build

787

:

that relationship of trust, we

have to start with ourselves.

788

:

It means that we also have to learn

that not everybody's going to be the

789

:

best person that we get to work with.

790

:

It doesn't matter if we're talking about

this in a business context, or we're

791

:

talking about this in the relationships

that we have with each other.

792

:

We have to learn how to meet halfway,

and even with the fact that we can be

793

:

over the phone or texting to make those

points, just know that every message is

794

:

important, and that every time that you

send a message that is heartfelt, even

795

:

if you never get a reply, and except if

it's never received, which that sometimes

796

:

can happen, especially if you send that

snail mail from the United States Postal

797

:

Service here in the United States, I

will tell you, they will feel a sense of

798

:

change in the warm and fuzziness knowing

that they were being thought about,

799

:

and that is the love language that we

always want to have by the end of the

800

:

day: to feel like we're being heard.

801

:

Tammy's not too far off from the advice

that I've been given even growing up.

802

:

Even if other people don't have

anything nice to say, or they don't have

803

:

anything they want to give you, always

treat them with kindness and respect.

804

:

Even if you think that you've been done

wrong, and even if you have pointed it

805

:

out, and they never corrected it, it's

always about the things that you do

806

:

that are being witnessed, and also not

witnessed, because every time that you

807

:

do it, somebody is always looking out.

808

:

I love the relationships that Tammy

is forming, and it just shows an

809

:

example that all of us can do better.

810

:

It doesn't necessarily mean that we're

going to have it in a perfect context,

811

:

but the main purpose of even doing

this podcast, Speaking From the Heart,

812

:

is to authentically shine a light

on the things that sometimes we're

813

:

uncomfortable talking about, but doing

it in a most productive, constructive

814

:

way to give everybody a chance,

because we all deserve that chance.

815

:

We all deserve that ability to be

accountable with what is being shared.

816

:

We all have that willingness to

learn and grow, but it's also

817

:

the way in which we approach it.

818

:

You don't have to write

a book to figure it out.

819

:

Tammy did it though, because I think

that not only does she want to spread

820

:

her message across the world, which

any great author would want to do, but

821

:

I think she wanted to write a letter

to all the people, even her family

822

:

members for that matter, of why it's so

important to have that genuine connection.

823

:

We all can do this in one way or another.

824

:

Even if we decide that tomorrow we will

pick up the phone after listening to

825

:

today's episode, and call that person that

we haven't talked to in so many years.

826

:

Even if that person is no

longer here, throw up a prayer.

827

:

Think of them in your thoughts,

especially as you go about your day.

828

:

Reminisce on all the good times that

have been there, and trust me on this.

829

:

You're going to start shifting even

your own mindset, even without having

830

:

that kind of conversation, because

those are the things that you can just

831

:

pick up and keep moving ahead, knowing

that you left a marker for somebody to

832

:

follow, just like that path that we've

always been talking about on this show,

833

:

you can do a deep dive and learn about

the ways in which you, and your ideal

834

:

client, or even your ideal relationship,

can happen for so many others.

835

:

Your example can be the example

of somebody else, and hey!

836

:

Maybe I'll get to read about you

one day when I'm a little bit older,

837

:

because you took the advice of our

guest today, and wrote your own book to

838

:

leave your own letter, of what is yet

to come, and what you want to see from

839

:

the best version of everybody else.

840

:

Thanks for listening to episode

number 150 of Speaking From The

841

:

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

842

:

Outro: Thanks for listening.

843

:

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

844

:

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

845

:

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

846

:

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

847

:

See you next time.

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