Listening note

This episode explores mental load, responsibility, influence, care, and the invisible burdens many women carry long after the work itself is done.

As you listen, notice what stays with you.

Not the tasks on your list, but the things that continue occupying your attention after the moment has passed.

There’s no need to analyse yourself. Simply notice what feels familiar.

Episode overview

Many women assume that being unable to switch off is simply the price of leadership.

The meetings end. The laptop closes. The day is technically over. Yet part of the mind remains elsewhere — replaying conversations, reviewing decisions, anticipating problems, thinking about people, or considering what comes next.

In this episode, Ros explores the difference between workload and mental load.

Workload is visible. It lives in calendars, projects, deadlines, and responsibilities. Mental load is quieter. It is the ongoing carrying of responsibility after the work itself is finished.

Drawing on years of coaching women leaders, Ros examines why some responsibilities continue living inside us long after action is no longer required. She explores how different leadership archetypes carry different forms of responsibility, and why this can make genuine rest feel surprisingly difficult.

The Sovereign carries decisions and their consequences. The Warrior carries readiness and preparation. The Wise Woman carries influence and the subtle dynamics that shape outcomes. The Tribe Builder carries people, relationships, and emotional wellbeing.

None of these patterns are flaws.

They are expressions of strengths that have become so familiar they can be difficult to put down.

This episode is not about becoming less responsible, less thoughtful, or less caring. It is an invitation to become curious about what you are carrying, why your attention keeps returning to it, and whether every burden still belongs in your hands.

Because perhaps the challenge isn’t switching off.

Perhaps it’s learning that responsibility and carrying are not always the same thing.

In this episode

• The difference between workload and mental load
• Why leadership responsibilities often continue occupying our attention after the work is done
• How the Sovereign carries decisions and accountability
• How the Warrior carries readiness, preparation, and future action
• Why the Wise Woman tracks influence, relationships, and organisational dynamics
• How the Tribe Builder absorbs responsibility for people and connection
• The difference between caring about something and carrying it constantly
• Reflection questions to help identify what you may be holding unnecessarily

Reflection prompts

• What am I actually carrying right now?
• Does this situation require action, or only awareness?
• What part of me feels safer when I continue thinking about this?
• When was the last time I felt genuinely at rest, and what made that possible?

There’s nothing to fix here.

Only patterns to recognise.

Free resources for women leaders

This episode is supported by a collection of free resources designed to help women explore leadership, power, responsibility, wellbeing, and the Women's Leader Archetypes.

👉 https://www.courses.shapingchange.com.au/womens-programs-homepage

Choose the resource that feels most relevant to where you are right now.

What’s next

🎧 Next episode: When You Don’t Recognise Yourself In How You’re Leading

Have you ever heard yourself speak in a meeting and thought, That’s not me?

In the next episode, we’ll explore the subtle shifts that occur when pressure changes how we lead, relate, and show up in the world — and what those changes might be trying to tell us.

Want to see the frameworks being discussed?

I’ve published a set of short explainer videos on YouTube that visually walk through the leadership models and archetypal dynamics referenced in this podcast — including the Women’s Leader Archetypes.

You can explore those here:

👉 https://www.youtube.com/@ArchetypeEffectPodcast

These are designed to complement the podcast, not replace it — offering a visual anchor for the concepts we’re unpacking together.

Stay connected

Follow The Archetype Effect for conversations on feminine leadership, power, authority, and presence.

Instagram: @archetypeeffectpodcast

Website: https://www.womensleaderarchetypes.com.au

Working with organisations

This work is applied through leadership development and executive coaching with individuals and organisations via Shaping Change.

Learn more at:

https://www.shapingchange.com.au

[00:00:23] There's a phrase I hear surprisingly often in coaching conversations with women leaders. It usually arrives somewhere in the middle of the discussion, not generally as the main issue, the reason they booked the session, almost as a kind of an aside. They'll say something like, "I can't seem to switch off," or, "My brain just never stops," or sometimes, "Nothing is actually wrong, I just feel like I'm always on." And what strikes me is that they're rarely talking about being busy. Many of these women are highly capable. They're successful, they're respected, and some are leading organizations, some are leading teams, some are running their own businesses, some are holding demanding careers alongside families, aging parents, community commitments, or sometimes even all three.

[00:01:52] The body has left work, but the mind hasn't, and what makes this difficult to talk about is that much of the thinking seems perfectly reasonable. It's not irrational. It's often useful. The decision does matter. The project is important. The relationship needs attention. The issue genuinely requires thought.

[00:03:04] Because what I've noticed is that many women don't struggle with workload nearly as much as they struggle with carrying. Carrying decisions, carrying expectations, carrying possibilities, carrying people, carrying things that don't have an obvious finish point. And when we're carrying something internally, putting it down isn't as simple as closing the laptop or leaving the office.

[00:03:55] One of the things I've noticed coaching women leaders is they rarely describe themselves as stressed. That's the language other people use. The women themselves usually describe something different. They talk about responsibility. They talk about being the person who remembers, the person who notices, the person who keeps track of what everyone else has forgotten. They talk about carrying the bigger picture, holding things together, thinking ahead, watching for problems before they become problems. And what's fascinating is that much of this work is invisible. Nobody sees it happening because it isn't occurring on a task list. It's happening in the background quietly and constantly.

[00:05:13] And this is where I think we often confuse workload with mental load. Workload is visible. It's tasks, meetings, deadlines, projects. Mental load is different. Mental load is the ongoing management of responsibility. It's the remembering, the anticipating, the monitoring, the mental tabs left open. Some of those tabs are practical, some are emotional, some strategic, and some relational, but all of them consume attention.

[00:06:11] The problem emerges when the mind never receives the signal that it's safe to stop. When responsibility becomes continuous, when there's always one more thing to consider, one more possibility to prepare for, one more conversation to think about, one more outcome to manage, and eventually something subtle happens. Being mentally occupied starts to feel normal. The absence of mental occupation starts to feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable. I've worked with women who finally take a holiday after months of pushing really hard, and what surprises them isn't how tired they are, it's how difficult it is to settle because the workload stopped, but the carrying hasn't. The mind is still holding responsibility, still tracking, still preparing, still scanning, not because something's wrong, but because carrying has become a way of staying connected to what matters. And here's the important thing, not every woman carries responsibility in the same way. In season one, we explored four leadership archetypes, the sovereign, the warrior, the wise woman, and the tribe builder.

[00:07:57] Let's start with the sovereign. If you listened to season one, you'll remember the sovereign is motivated by autonomy, purpose, and authorship. She wants to lead her own life. She wants to make meaningful decisions. She wants to have an impact. And because of that, the sovereign often becomes the person carrying decisions. Not just making them, but carrying them.

[00:09:13] From the outside, they look clear, capable, and confident. The looping happens afterwards because the Sovereign understands something important. Every decision closes one path and opens another. Every choice creates consequences. Every act of leadership affects people. So while others may move on once a decision is made, the Sovereign often remains connected to it.

[00:10:10] The Sovereign doesn't just carry tasks, she carries accountability, and accountability doesn't always have a neat endpoint. A project may finish, a decision may be implemented, but the responsibility for what follows can continue living quietly in the background. The mind keeps checking, reviewing, monitoring, not because something's wrong, because leadership matters.

[00:11:06] The warrior carries something different. If the sovereign carries responsibility for direction, the warrior carries responsibility for action. The warrior is energized by achievement, by progress, by momentum, getting things done. She sees a challenge, and she moves towards it. She sees an obstacle, and she starts working out how to overcome it. She sees an opportunity and begins planning the next step, and these are extraordinary strengths. Many organizations depend on women with strong warrior energy. They're the women who make things happen. They keep projects moving, they turn ideas into reality, and they remain steady when pressure increases.

[00:13:09] What I find interesting about warrior mental load is that it often masquerades as productivity. People admire it, they certainly reward it, and they come to depend upon it. The woman herself usually feels proud of it for a while, until she notices she can no longer simply enjoy where she is because part of her is always preparing for where she needs to be next.

[00:14:00] The wise woman carries something different again. If the sovereign carries decisions and the warrior carries readiness, the wise woman carries influence. Not influence in the way we often imagine it, not necessarily charisma, visibility, not being the loudest person in the room. The wise woman understands something more subtle.

[00:15:08] But when we start talking about influence, many become noticeably less comfortable, as though influence is somehow selfish. As though power is something that good women should avoid wanting. And yet when we explore it more deeply, a different picture usually comes out. They don't want power over people. They want enough influence to make good things happen, enough influence to have their ideas heard, enough influence to advocate for something they believe in, enough influence to create change, enough influence to protect what matters. The wise woman understands that influence is not separate from impact. Influence is often how impact happens. And because she understands that, her mind naturally tracks things that other people often miss. The stakeholder who seems supportive but isn't fully committed, the conversation beneath the conversation, the relationship between two people that may affect a future decision, the shift in organizational mood, the emerging alliance, the unspoken concern, the political current running underneath the formal process.

[00:17:01] And unlike a project plan or a task list, influence never sits still. Relationships evolve, stakeholders change, priorities shift, power moves, which means the wise woman can find herself carrying an endless stream of unfinished thinking. Still making sense of a conversation from last week, still wondering how a decision will land with key stakeholders, still considering whether she's reading the situation accurately, still thinking about what hasn't yet been said.

[00:18:03] The Tribe Builder carries something else entirely. If the Sovereign carries decisions, the Warrior carries readiness, and the Wise Woman carries influence, the Tribe Builder carries people. Not in a formal sense, not necessarily on an organizational chart, and not because someone assigned it to her. She carries people because she notices them.

[00:19:44] One of the things I've noticed in coaching conversations is that Tribe Builders often struggle to identify exactly what they're carrying. When I ask what's occupying their attention, they rarely begin with themselves. Instead, they start talking about other people: a colleague who seems stressed, a team member who's struggling, a difficult conversation that didn't quite land properly, a family member they're worried about, someone who appeared upset, someone who may need support, someone they haven't checked in with recently. And often these concerns are entirely legitimate.

[00:21:06] And what struck me wasn't how unusual that was. It was how familiar it sounded. I've heard versions of that story countless times. The Tribe Builder's mind often remains connected to people long after the interaction has ended. A conversation may be long over, but she's still wondering how it landed. The meeting's finished, but she's still thinking about the person who didn't say much.

[00:22:22] I think this is one of the reasons rest can feel surprisingly difficult for tribe builders. The people they care about don't disappear when the workday ends. The relationships don't pause. The concern doesn't automatically switch off. Part of them remains connected. They're still checking, they're still wondering, they're still caring. And unlike the warrior who's preparing for action or the wise woman who's tracking influence, the tribe builder is often carrying something much more personal. The wellbeing of other human beings.

[00:23:23] At this point in the episode, most listeners will have recognized themselves somewhere. Perhaps it's in the Sovereign carrying decisions, or the Warrior carrying readiness, maybe the Wise Woman carrying influence or the Tribe Builder carrying people. And for some women, there'll be a little bit of all four because the truth is very few of us carry only one kind of responsibility. What matters isn't which archetype fits best. What matters is recognizing what continues living in your mind long after the moment has passed.

[00:25:56] One of the biggest misconceptions about rest is that it arrives when everything's finished. Most women listening already know that's not true because there's always something unfinished. There's always another conversation, another decision, another project, another person, another possibility. Life doesn't pause neatly, and leadership certainly doesn't.

[00:27:25] Another reflection worth sitting with is what part of me feels safer when I keep thinking about this? Not because the answer's wrong, because it's often very revealing. The Sovereign may discover she's carrying certainty. The Warrior may discover she's carrying preparedness. The Wise Woman may discover she's carrying influence. The Tribe Builder may discover she's carrying connection. These aren't problems, they're deeply human needs. The question is simply whether carrying them continuously is serving you well or exhausting you.

[00:28:37] If you'd like to explore some of these patterns more deeply, I've created a collection of free resources that accompany this season of the podcast. You'll find the link in the show notes. They're designed as gentle reflections and practical supports for women navigating leadership, responsibility, power, and wellbeing. You don't need to complete them all. Simply choose the one that speaks to where you are right now.

[00:30:13] Next episode, we're going to explore something many women recognize but rarely talk about. Those moments when you hear yourself speaking and think, "That's not me." When leadership starts feeling unfamiliar, when patience becomes irritation, when confidence becomes withdrawal, when you don't quite recognize yourself in how you're showing up anymore. And we'll explore what those shifts might be trying to tell us.