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In this episode...

Fitting Work into the Life You Want with Peter Kolat

https://faithfulontheclock.com/fitting-work-into-the-life-you-want-with-peter-kolat

Do you fit life around work, or work around life? In Episode 146 of Faithful on the Clock, guest Peter Kolat shows us how to do the latter and find the authentic self God designed us to have.

Timestamps:

[00:04] - Intro

[00:46] - Peter’s bio and background

[03:54] - Why Peter takes the coaching approach that he does

[06:44] - Flipping the script about organizing life around work

[11:28] - How to start logistically flipping the script by intentionally creating basic bookends in the day

[13:47] - The role of boundary setting in fitting work into life, not life into work; getting others on board about what you are doing in a compassionate way

[17:43] - Addressing people pleasing to better hold necessary boundaries

[20:10] - How to know whether your vision is really a vision or just your own ego talking

[22:11] - How fear can drive you away from your real vision; when fear is actually a healthy signal to keep going; fearlessness and the meaning of courage

[29:36] - Looking at vision with a long-term versus short-term lens

[32:02] - How to handle getting hit with roadblocks on the way to building your vision; discerning whether the vision you have really is from God when you have lots of trouble

[38:33] - Looking for the full set of skills you have versus sticking to the skills you think you already have; loving on your fears as you explore what God has equipped you to do

[44:05] - Peter’s core message from the book; the need for self love

[47:16] - Prayer/Where to find out more about Peter and buy Authentic Self Rebirth

[48:53] - Outro/What’s coming up next

Key takeaways:

1. Peter’s philosophy around building the life you want BEFORE establishing work stems from his own difficult life experiences. Establishing that philosophy and framework helped him naturally lean into coaching others.
2. Our authentic self usually gets blunted by the world, but our authentic self is who God originally designed us to be in His image.
3. We can get exceptionally clear on the vision for multiple aspects of our lives, such as relationships, worship, etc. Peter recommends using that clarity to create a highly structured calendar you can create healthy boundaries around. You can start with one essential vision point and add more to the calendar over time. Sticking to the calendar and evaluating it when you get requests or proposals can help you be intentional about changes in your life and protect your original vision.
4. Transparency around what you are doing and why can help you avoid people pleasing as you build your vision. It’s also helpful to discern what you can handle or pass off to a VA or someone else.
5. To ensure your vision is not egocentric, dig into why you really want the vision you do. Clarify whether it’s a heart goal (God-aligned) or a head goal (world/fear aligned).
6. Subconscious fears reinforced by the world (e.g., there’s no safety net) can drive us toward visions that aren’t really aligned with who we are (e.g., I have to get a job that makes me rich). But there is also a healthy fear that comes when we approach new experiences. That kind of fear can be a signal that we are stretching ourselves in a positive way toward where we need to go. It’s normal as we leave our comfort zone.
7. Courage means we move forward despite our fears, not that we are fearless. Remembering the story of Joshua and that God is always with us despite our emotions can give us the boldness we need to continue.
8. Most people approach vision with a short-term view, similar to how people look at the current screen on a GPS. But with God, we need to trust His long term vision — He has a viable route already laid out, even if we can’t see the entirety of it at once.
9. If you believe God has laid out a vision for you, keep going, even if there are hardships. Quiet time with Him can help you hear His guidance better, and every time you hit a ceiling (which is inevitable in every venture), you’ll learn.
10. We can discover new skills God has given to us as we try to build our vision. This might include some uncomfortable moments, but beyond the discomfort we can find success and joy.
11. Many of us struggle to love ourselves, but doing so is essential to awakening. Accepting love from others can be a catalyst that helps us begin our own self-love, as it helps us to see the good things others discern in us.

• Authentic Self Rebirth Book

CTAs:

1. Explore Peter’s book in more depth.
2. Reflect and identify one area of yourself that you have been denying or hiding. Identify another area that you have no trouble showing to the world. What makes them different? Consider what would happen if you revealed the part you have hidden and how it might change your life.
3. Make a list of the top three things you wish to eliminate from your life and three things you want to bring in. Be specific about how each of those elements would influence you and others if you made the shifts.

What’s coming up next:

You take care of your body and even consider mental health, but do you practice soul care? Guest Greg Woodard joins Faithful on the Clock to explain what soul care is and why it’s critical on our walk with God.

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Thibodeaux

Welcome, everybody, once again to Faithful on the Clock, the Christian podcast where the volume is turned all the way up to get your faith and work aligned. As professionals in the business space, we focus a ton on being intentional. We’re supposed to craft the life we want. For most of us, that starts with setting up the work we do. Everything else kind of orients around that. But today, my special guest Peter Kolat is going to teach us why we need to flip that script, start with the bigger vision of our own authenticity, and then fit work inside that. Let’s hit it.

Hello, listeners. Today on Faithful on the Clock, I'm chatting with special guest Peter Kolat. Peter is a transformational life coach, business mentor, investor, and the founder of Masters Unite. He is also the author of Authentic Self Rebirth. Peter's gonna help us out today to look at the idea of the authentic self in the context of how we approach planning, work, and our faith. So, Peter, welcome to the show.

Kolat

Well, thank you for having me, Wanda. I love your podcast name, and I'm so grateful to be able to come on here and pour into your audience.

Thibodeaux

Well, thank you. It's my pleasure to have you. So, just to get us started, why don't you just tell us a little bit about your background so our listeners know who you are and what you do. Yeah.

Kolat

Thibodeaux

That’s alright.

Kolat

[3:54]

Thibodeaux

Okay. So, thank you for sharing that. It sounds like, you know, your background kind of, you — you weren't necessarily looking to coach, per se. You know, like you said you were in architecture, but you kind of got thrown into it based on the experience that you've had. But we know that, you know, as you had mentioned, your book is about authenticity. So, how is your approach to coaching different? Like, why do you take the approach that you do? Can you tell me a little bit about that?

Kolat

Yeah. So, yeah, I wasn't supposed to be — well, I was never thought I was going to be a coach and helping people and business owners. However, when I was in that master in my bag, and everybody kept telling me, like, “Listen, you should be a coach. You have this knack for pouring into and, like, poking the, you know, digging up what's really behind it.” And what I have found is that there is a fallacy that — my belief system is that there's a fallacy in the society that the personal development space especially talks about you need to change. You need to fix yourself. There's something wrong about the way you are, so you need to change. You need to fix yourself, right? And I personally don't believe that. I think it is, you know, the way God created us to be, you know. And in fact, if you go to Genesis, right at the beginning, it talks about now creating our image, right? So, so, I looked from the perspective like, you know what? When I was 3, 4, 5, years old, or you maybe, know, a 3-, 4-, or 5-year-old, how are they? What kind of a person they are? Are there being fearful? No. They're being stopped by different things. No. They just go and experience life, like, very curiosity driven, right? They're unstoppable. They don't take no for an answer. I mean, I don't know if you ever talked to a 5-year-old and said, “You cannot have ice cream,” right?

Thibodeaux

Oh, yes.

Kolat

See how that went, right? And they find 20 different ways why they should have ice cream, even if it's 11 o'clock at night. They should be in bed, right? So, they — the ways of being that they are — are what we human beings are trying to get to here as an adult, if you really think about it. So, what happened? Well, the society, the world, whether it was parents, teachers, school, whatever it might be, created this belief system because we were looking to how do we fit in as a human being, how do we survive in this world, and we became that version of ourselves. And now we're trying to fix or change. Now, if we just look from that perspective of authenticity, and get back to that, you know, 3-, 4-, 5-year-old self, that's fearless, that's unstoppable, that's curious, that is loving. Because guess what, those 4-year-olds are very loving, aren't they? You know, and we get back to that with that wisdom that we've kind of grown over life, man, we can really make amazing things happen in our lives.

[6:44]

Thibodeaux

Well, I think, you know, when I'm listening to you talk, we do have this idea that you kind of have to find out who you are and fix it, but what I'm hearing you say is that you already who you are, who you are, you just kind of have to accept that and kind of redirect yourself to be more of that. There's nothing wrong with you, which I think, quite frankly, a lot of people need to hear. Because that's pressure, right, to fix yourself. And think about how many things that we do for that, like we take the — the different job, you know, we do things that other people want us to do that's not really us. So, I think the idea of really thinking about who does — who did God make me to be before anything? I think that kind of really sets a very different tone than what we kind of hear in culture, which I really appreciate. So, to connect that back to the work context, if we are going to say, okay, we're going to reconnect to this authenticity that we have through God, so, most of the time, we look at work and we build everything around our work, like, who we are. We — like, we structure our life around that. But when we were talking a little bit before in our first interview that we did before the show, you had talked about how you basically flip the script, and you have people construct the life that they want through your coaching, and then say, “Okay, well, we've got to fit work into the life that you want.” So, tell me a little bit about that and how that works.

Kolat

Yeah, I love that you brought that up, because I think it's a really powerful shift for people to recognize. So, I learned this — full disclosure, learned this from a company called Life Learner. And what ends up happening is, and I made some shifts in that, but what we — think about how society talks about, you want to start a business? Great. What's your business plan? Let's create a business plan. And you start to get very clear on that business plan. And what ends up happening is this business plan starts to take over your life because you're clear on the path of what you want to get to. But nobody ever tells us that or asks us, what do you want your life to look like? Right? I'm — like, up until my mid 30s, I never knew, like, there was people, you know, the gurus that were talking about, you know, what do we — what we envision in the future, right? Five years from now, what do you envision your life? But not really getting clear on what that life looks like. So, what we did, what I did, is like, let's flip the script and get very clear what you want your life to look like. What does it look like as far as your relationships, let's say, with your spouse, with your kids. What's your relationship with yourself or with the Lord? Right? What is that? What are your needs? What are your wants? Do you have any regrets? Let's get — what does your health look like? All the different areas of your life. Get very clear of what you want that to look like, and write it on a piece of paper. Actually write on piece of paper in the present tense as it is, like, true right now, kind of a thing. Now, granted, that's not true right now, but you write in the present tense, right? Because, guess what? Your brain doesn't know the difference what's real and what's not. And we can talk about if you want. But write it out in the present tense. Now, once you are clear on that, then you start looking from the perspective, okay, if I were to live that life, what does my calendar look like? And we go through this exercise of actually putting these different pieces in the calendar. Like, let's say, morning routine with the Lord. So, I spend more every morning with the Lord. I, you know, I go to the gym, me personally at 3:30 in the afternoon. So, I have that in my calendar. And when I developed this, I had to be very intentional on making sure that between the 10am and 2:30pm that's when my kids were younger, I had to work like my hair is on fire in order to be picking them up from school and dropping them off at school, right? So, there was these different things, bookends in my business, that helped me live that life. So, now that you have that vision for your life, you have to ask yourself this: If I want to live that life and in my calendar, at the end of the day, when I put everything from that vision into my calendar, well, I have leftover maybe 15, 20, 22, hours of time left for my business. How do I set up this business to — guess what — support that life? And that's the flip most people don't see because they go set up the business in order to get the life. Let's flip the script and say, let's create a vision for our life, and then how do we set up the business to support that life?

Thibodeaux

Sure.

Kolat

Does that make sense?

Thibodeaux

Yeah, makes total sense. But I know there are going to be people listening out there who say, “Well, okay, but Peter, if I wanna do that, I have to have the business to get me the stuff in the life that I want.” So, how would you address that? Because I know that there are going to — people who can't see how to, like, logistically, flip it, you know, like, they get the concept, but they're just like, “Man, I don't know how to make that work.” Right?

Kolat

So, one, obviously, you have the plan. Meaning, like, you know, the vision, we wrote this visions. So, then what I would encourage the listener to do is, like, you gotta start with one thing. Like, when I started this whole entire journey, I didn't put everything in that vision into my life right then and there. It was a stepping ladder, right? So, one of the first things that I looked, like, okay, so, you know, for my life, I want to put, let's say, the morning time with the Lord, right? So, when I start putting those different things in place. What ends up happening is I have to, in my business hours — for me, it was between 10 and 2:30 — I have to be very intentional to make sure that I get those things done in order so I can go to the gym or spend time with my kids or spend time with the Lord, right? So, those bookends made me very intentional to not waste time on Facebook, not go on social media, not learning before I start doing stuff in my business. I had to do the things that I had to do, meaning like, let's say, reaching out to get clients, do marketing. What are the things, because I'm starting this business, I have to create revenue, right? So, when I have to create revenue at the beginning of the business, I have to — what are some revenue generating activities in my business? They have to focus on. And most of the time, it's not about learning a strategy. It's about going and making the phone calls or doing the marketing or whatever it might be. And then you get very intentional to doing those things. And then you get a client, right, and you take the portion of that money that you made from the client, you reinvest it into the business. So, then you can — you either start hiring someone else to take over those low level activities, to take care of that, like bookkeeping or whatever it might be. And then you start to kind of — see how that pendulum kind of starts swinging in a different way?

Thibodeaux

Yeah. So, again, you know, I hear there's a little bit more of the logistics that can actually happen, but I know, you know you talk about, basically, you know, that you have to be intentional about those things. But within that, I think there's boundary setting that —

Kolat

Yeah.

Thibodeaux

— needs to happen. So, if somebody is trying to set those boundaries, be intentional about it, but then they're getting pushback from other people, how do you address that problem? Because I know there's gonna be other people, you know, maybe business partners or — and they're like, “What are you doing?” Right? And they think you're crazy for doing what you're doing.

Kolat

Right. So, that's a great question, because I deal with my students with this all the time, right? So, one. These other people, whoever it might be, spouses, husbands, business partners, or whoever might be or even possible clients, let's say, if you're a real estate agent, you get calls all the time, right? One, they don't know what your vision is. They have a view of what your vision is, and they have their own vision, in a way, and they're trying to get you on their vision to basically work with that. Now, if you were to share what my vision is, then all of a sudden, there might be a chance that they're going to be open to “Okay, so that's what you're doing. That's why you're doing what you're doing.” Like, the reason why I'm not talking to you between 10 and 2:30 is because I know that in order for me to spend time with you and then dinner at six o'clock, wifey or husband, then I need to work like my hair is on fire during that particular time, because that's my vision. So, sharing that vision, I think, is important. The other aspect is that — what I had to learn from myself that I was a big people pleaser. And the people pleaser in me would have a hard time saying no, because if I said no, that that means that people would not like me. They would get mad at me, right? And they're going to, you know, walk away or get away, right? But if I just understand that there are the boundaries that I'm putting in place, there's — one to help me grow. And by doing that, let's say if it's a business partnership, then guess what? That business partner is going to be end up making more money because during those particular hours I'm working on the revenue generating activities, so don't call me during those particular hours. And so, I can focus on that. And then when I focus on that, I bring the new client. Guess what? The partner now, all of a sudden is like, oh, so what you're doing is actually working, so let's keep doing that.

Thibodeaux

Right. You get proof of concept.

Kolat

Right. So, by focusing on your vision being intentional, you actually help other people be intentional. Because guess what also happens when you're focused during those hours on the business and you start being in your mind, intentional with those things that you're doing that very moment, like being present, guess what happened that transfers over to, let's say, when you're with your wife or your husband. Now you're being intentional in that very moment with them. You're not thinking about business during that particular time. So, now they like that, because he's actually here. He's focusing with me, right? He's spending time with me. You're spending time with your kids. They're actually being intentional with them, even though you're just putting a puzzle together or whatever might be. Right?

Thibodeaux

Right.

Kolat

So, it transfers over, and then when it comes to having conversation, like, “Well, I can't just not answer the phone call because someone is calling me.” So, how you set up boundaries for that? Well, the way I've done it is that, let's say you get a VA that's gonna answer the initial phone call. They have specific list of questions that are going to be qualifying questions to whether or not this, let's say in real estate industry, this possible buyer actually qualifies, and then if they qualifies, the VA quickly reaches out to you and you call them back. But there's all the initial conversation was answer right away, but the actual — you only talk to the people who are highly qualified people. And now it eliminates — what, 80% of your phone calls that you had to jump on? Aand now you start to be much more productive in life. Yeah, I

Thibodeaux

Yeah. I really am glad that you brought up that idea of people pleasing within all this, though, because I know for me, that has been an enormous issue. And I think in my own experience, like, we run into like this catch 22 because we think, Well, if we please the people, then the business does well, right? And if the business does well, then I get the life that I want, right? So, it kind of snowballs. So, I think what I'm hearing you say is that if we actually hold those boundaries, it works to our benefit, rather than holding us back. Even though we might feel like it's holding us back, it really doesn't. Does that make sense?

Kolat

Yeah, it does. And you know what? What I did at the beginning, too, in order to help me say no, is — what I did is, whenever someone will, let's say business opportunity will come my way. And I'm the type of a person who's very visionary, and I love growing things, love growing businesses. So, when opportunity comes in, I'm like, “Oh, that is sweet! I would love to do that! You know, let's jump on it!” You know. And, yeah, and I start looking from the perspective of, how long is it going to take me to do this? And that possible business partner says, “Well, it will take you 15, 20 hours a week in order for this thing to work.” So, now what I had to say is, like, “Listen, let me think about this.” So I'm back. And I looked at my vision, and looked at my calendar, and I started asking myself this question. If I have to put in an extra 10, 15 hours into this new business opportunity, what needs to go out of my vision, out of my calendar? And knowing myself, the first thing that would go out is, what? Time for myself, or the gym time, or, you know, sleep would go out or, you know, maybe time with the Lord in the morning, because I can fit it in some other place, and I'll start with me, and then with the family, right? So, it's a slippery slope. So, what I knew deep down, that answer no was the right answer, but I couldn't say no. So, what I did is, I went back to that person. I said, “Listen, I would love to do this with you.” Which, I'm not lying, right?

Thibodeaux

Right.

Kolat

“However, guess what? My vision doesn't allow me to do it.” And then when I asked that question, when I, you know, said that he's like, “What do you mean, your vision? And I explained it to him. So, now, what did I do? I blamed me saying no on the vision. I wasn't the bad guy. The vision was the bad guy.

Thibodeaux

Right.

Kolat

And guess who wrote that vision? Me. You know, I mean, that kind of helped me not be such a big people pleaser.

Thibodeaux

Okay. So, what — but when you talk about vision, though, how can we understand that that vision that we've got, that it's not just our ego talking. Like, we really are getting, you know, back to the core of the show, like, that is coming from our authentic self, who God wants to be, rather than just this idea of, you know, professionalism, and we have kind of, like, this idea of what we could be. Do you know what I mean?

Kolat

Yeah, so it's not an ego. That's a great question. So, you got to ask that question, why do I want this? Like, why? Like, dig a little bit deeper. Why do I want this? So, if you say, “Well, I want a Lamborghini.” It's a Lamborghini, Lamborghini, right? I say Lamborghini. But if you want that, right, why do I want that? Right? What's the real reason behind it? Well, because I want to make sure that people see that I'm successful, that you know, that I got it. Right? So, if that's the reason, maybe not a good idea, right? Because it's about that — that's, you can tell that it's an ego thing. But if you say about Lamborghini, is because I, you know, growing up, I — my dad, when we were working on cars, and he always wanted the Lamborghini, and he wanted to go on and drive. And now my kids were talking about this, and what ends up happening is, you know, I would love to have my dad go for a ride and take him, you know, on those rides, and my kids and spend time with them, and maybe even, you know, people in my neighborhood that, you know, can't do it, give them the keys, and the people that I know let them go on a date in that car. Right? So, now I'm basically, maybe community, contributing to others. Now it gets more of, like, the hard thing as opposed to happening I think in a very easy kind of distinction is looking from the perspective why you want this, is it the heart thing, or is it the head thing? Because I think the head thing, most of the time, is going to screw you up. Whether the heart thing is more of, like, what you truly are meant to be, like, what God had you to, you know, on this earth for kind of a thing. Does that make sense?

Thibodeaux

Yeah, it does. But I mean, when you're talking about the heart, I do want to kind of maybe differentiate just a little bit, like, when — because when we talk about heart, we think emotion, right? But I think one of the biggest things that drives us into the vision that maybe we're not supposed to have is fear. Like, we fear that we're not going to have a place to stay if we don't work hard, if we don't, if we set those boundaries, then we'll lose things, right, whether it's relationships or financial security or whatever it is. And I think that can drive us to the vision that we're not supposed to be in, and kind of distract us from the one that God really wants to put on our heart. So, what would you say to that?

Kolat

Yeah. You're good. I like the question that you're asking. So, yeah, I will tell you this. If you are going after something that you want, and fear pops up, right? So, notice that you're in a comfort zone. And the fear, if you look at, let's say, comfort zone, like a circle. The fear is that line around that circle, and it's basically telling you, no, don't go there, because it's gonna hurt. It's gonna do this, or whatever it might be, right? And you gonna fail. Then how you're gonna feel, and all those things. So, if it's fear, I will tell you that it's probably good indication that you're going the right direction.

Thibodeaux

Okay.

Kolat

You know what I mean? So, it's almost like, to me, is — okay, I'm fearful. So, okay, I should — and — the caveat, I'm not talking about the fear that you were in the woods and there was a bear standing over there, and you said, “You know what, I should fight that bear — that bear.” That's not the fear I'm talking about, because you're not going to win that battle with the bear, right? He's going to take you out. But I'm talking about in business. That fear is an indication that's telling you move in the right direction. So, there is a freedom on the other side of it. And every single time, I don't know how many times, like for instance, you experience some fear, and you actually took that step in spite of that fear being there, and now you're on the other side, and you learn something new. And then you look back and you're like, “Hmm, that wasn't so bad. Wasn't as bad as that. That wasn’t as bad as I thought it was gonna be.

Thibodeaux

Right, right.

Kolat

Right? So, now you can — it gives you a more confidence to take the next step and the next step and the next step. Every single time, you're gonna do something new that you never done before. Guess what's gonna pop up? That fear.

Thibodeaux

Yeah, I know you had mentioned at the show — at the top of the show, that you had really had an interest in psychology and stuff, and so maybe it would help our listeners, too, to kind of just remind them that when you look at anxiety or fear, the best way to deal with that is not to run away and go do something else. It's to — to actually face it, because that's the only way that we have the experience that tells us that that is a safe thing to do. If we — if we always are pushing away from it, we never get that experience to say, “Hey, this is manageable,” and do what — like you said, it wasn't so bad, right? I think that's a big thing to understand. And also, too, you know, when we look at Joshua and God telling him, you know, be strong and courageous, I know a lot of people use the word courage and courageous to mean fearless, and I really do not like that. So, I just want to talk about that for a second too, because the definition of courage doesn't mean to be fearless. You can do a lot of things when you have fear, but to be courageous means that you do what you need to do despite your fear or despite the negative feelings that you're having. So, when God is talking to Joshua and — and instructing him to have courage, He's not saying be totally fearless. He — like, He's understanding that Joshua can be kind of scared to go on and take Jericho, right? But He's saying, you know, I'm going to be with you through this. No matter what you feel, like, we are going to have victory. It's okay if you're a little scared, but I will be with you through it. And I think for us, this idea of fearlessness that we have in our culture, that can hold us back from being our true self too, because we get in this idea that we have to, like, do things that make us really uncomfortable. And discomfort is not a bad thing. But there's, I think there's a certain level of discomfort that we can tolerate, and small increments of stepping into new things can get us to our authentic self, where versus if we just kind of jump in to huge things that are — we think are going to be the vision, right? That's what society tells us. If we jump into that, then it's like, it's too much, like, we can't handle it, so then we turn away from it, right, or we don’t handle it well.

Kolat

And we go backwards. Yeah.

Thibodeaux

Right. Right.

Kolat.

Yeah, I love that you brought it up, because think about it this way, like, yeah, courage doesn't mean that there's absence of fear, like, it's going to be there. I think some people what they do in — is, they wait for the fear to at some point go away. One that you know, whatever I need to do, whether it's in a personal development space, or I need to shift my thinking, or whatever it might be, at some point that fear is going to be going away, and then I can actually do it. If you understand that fear is going to be there, and it's like an access and like you said, no, God said to Joshua, “Listen, but I'm going to be there with you.” Like, in my mind, the way I look from the perspective is God is everywhere, like, literally everywhere. I mean, I don't think there is anything in our lives, physical human lives here, like the air that I'm breathing right now, he's in this air kind of a thing, right?

Thibodeaux

Yes.

Kolat

Thibodeaux

Yeah, I love that. You know that it happens for you, rather than to you. I absolutely love that. One thing that I was thinking, too, as I was listening to you is that that — that aspect that you're talking about really does require you to have, like, a more long term vision for yourself, because if you are just focused on, I mean, they always say, be in the present, right? But if you are only focused on the present, then you're not seeing the entire spectrum of what God did and what He can do in the future. So, like, you have to zoom out a little bit to say, you know, “How — what could this be?” You know, because I don't necessarily know. I know what it looks like here in the present, but maybe God knows better than I do. Does that make sense?

Kolat

Yeah, it does totally make sense. And the thing is, think about this one. We human beings are horrible at timing. We're horrible at how something takes long, right? How long something takes. We think it's gonna — you changing this, you know, let's say fixing the shelf in your house is gonna take 15 minutes, and three hours later, you're still working on that shelf, right?

Thibodeaux

Yeah

Kolat

Or you think it's gonna take you, you know, 10 years to get to that life that you want. And I've seen many cases where students actually got there in like, two, three years, right? So, we're horrible with that. So, you have that plan. And I tell my students, imagine, like a GPS. If you live in, let's say, I live in Michigan, I want to go to San Diego. And if you actually use your GPS on your phone, right? So, first thing that you need to put in is where you're at currently, right? That's the first thing the GPS knows. Where is my current location. And I'm here in this particular house in Michigan. Then I want to get to — what, let's say, San Diego, on the docks in San Diego. So, that's my vision I want to get to. And then when the GPS when hit start, does it show you the entire road? It tells you will take you maybe two, three days to drive there, I don't know how long, but it only shows you — what, about 500 feet in front of you.

Thibodeaux

Yeah.

Kolat

And then, for some reason, we trust the GPS that's gonna direct us to end up in San Diego. We use this computer. We trust it. However, a lot of times, as Christians, we don't trust that the Lord’s gonna be able to do this, do that for us.

Thibodeaux

Yep. Yep.

Kolat

And what ends up happening maybe puts in the right person to our lives. Like, I wouldn't be able to do what I do without other people in my life. So, I give credit to God and to people that showed up and He sent to my life. You know, so when you look from that perspective, all of a sudden, you know the vision, and that allows you to be present in life, to be able to walk along that vision.

Thibodeaux

Okay. So, thinking about all the things that we've covered, you know, when we are — what would you say to somebody who knows, you know, they — they're trusting God with that little part that they can see in that GPS, but they genuinely are logistically stuck, like, they just — every roadblock that you could pass, like, they are hustling right, but they just can't seem to get things to turn over. Right? At what point do we maybe, if at all, say, “Okay, maybe this isn't the vision that God has for me. Maybe I was wrong.” Is there ever a point where maybe that could be?

Kolat

Yeah. I don't think there is a point like that, you know, and you have to, I think in that particular moment, you have to sit down and ask yourself, “Is this my vision, or is this God's vision?” You know what I mean? And when you start to looking from that perspective, because if you believe that truly in your heart, you believe this is God's vision, then I would say, like, you know, I have this idea I'll never give up. You know? And sometimes, that has helped me tremendously. Like, when I was going through my divorce, I had — my brother-in-law came to me and said, “Listen. I'll get you a job in the company that I'm working with. And, you know, just do it.” And for something, some reason, something within me said, “No. I need to keep moving what I'm doing right now.” And if I wasn't, I guess, in a way, faithful to this journey, I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing right now. I'll be working for someone else right now. So, I think there is a discernment that needs to happen. That's why spending time with the Lord, the quiet time, listen to the nudge. I think we all have, you know, I tell my students, listen to your nudge, like, the Holy Spirit. It's a really good guidance system. It's probably one of the best guidance systems that we have. But we are so, so much noise in our life that we have a hard time hearing it. I think it's always talking to us, but we have so much noise that we have a hard time hearing it. So, spending time in the morning, let's say, starting with like, 10 minutes even, and just be quiet and see what the voice is telling you. It will help you, kind of guide you. And then maybe another door opens, or you get clarity in yourself. Listen, you're going the wrong direction, kind of a thing, right? Because you — you deep down inside, you feel like, okay, this doesn't feel good. Something is off, all right? And then you're like, “Okay, you know what? I need to shut that door. I need to literally stop doing this.” And what happens a lot is another door opens, and now you see, oh, okay, so now I can move forward. Does that make sense? I know it's not like a very pragmatic step, 1,2,3, but I think, you know, spiritually speaking, I think that's more like what I just described than anything else.

Thibodeaux

Yeah, well, it, I mean, it makes sense in the sense that, you know, we can't always see everything, but if we are, you know, attuned to our authentic self, and I think then we get a better sense, like it's — it feels more solid, like you were saying, like, if it feels wrong, that that's a big clue, but on its own, that you're maybe not be in the right direction. But I want to differentiate between, you know, maybe feeling a little bit uncomfortable with something, and really feeling like something's off, like, I think there's a difference there, because, like, if you just haven't done something, that's one thing. You know? But if you have this sense of like, you know something's like, I don't want to say like, impending doom, but like, like, like, you just know that that is not the direction that, and it's just this, this feeling like, this weight, at least, that's how I've experienced it for myself. But I also kind of want to bring up, I don't know if you are a fan of Star Wars at all.

Kolat

Oh, yeah, it's one of my favorite movies. Yeah, I'm Star Wars as opposed to Trekkie. Yeah. So, Star Wars all the way.

Thibodeaux

Okay. So, you know Yodas little mantra, you know where he says, “Do or do not, there is no try,” right? And that has kind of become my mantra of life. And it's not because I want to say, “Okay, well, I can never make a mistake or I can never quit.” It's because I recognize how much further I can get if I don't let go right away, like, just to persist that little bit extra and keep trying different things, like, not giving up. Like, if I try, you know, door number one, and that doesn't work, okay. Well, that doesn't mean there's not doors two through 200. I just gotta try a couple more, right? I think sometimes what happens is we just give up too quickly and we say, “Well, I've been through 10 doors. That might — must be it!” Right?

Kolat

Yeah.

Thibodeaux

So that's kind of why I have that as my mantra is, just like there are so many things that are figure-outable I\if you persist a little bit longer than you want to.

Kolat

Yeah. I love that you brought it up. Yeah. Because that's one of the reasons, like, never give up. That's mantra kind of thing. One of my best friend, for instance, he told me one time he was going to real estate. He's never done real estate, and it took him 82 offers to get this first deal. Now think about it this way. How many times — and he had a coach that will keep encouraging, keep moving, keep moving, because you're learning something new every single time.

Thibodeaux

Right.

Kolat

Now, he could have stopped at five deals, five offers. He could have stopped at 10. But whatever there was, it kept him going, right? Because he knew deep down that this was the answer. So, if that is the case, you gotta keep moving forward, because every single time you're doing something that's uncomfortable, but you know you're going that direction, you're going to learn something new. So, but what ends up happening is people will go into and that's why we have the shiny object syndrome, I think happens in people's lives. Because they go after this specific business, and they get up against some kind of a door that it feels like fear, right? And I, you know, I'll now, I didn't know that in when I'm doing real estate, I have to go a whole bunch of, bunch of people. I'm not a people person. I'm a, you know, introvert, right? So, that's not me. Well, then I need to go a business that I'm sitting behind the laptop, right? And I'm done some online business. So, I'm starting the online business, and I discovered I need to market on the Internet. Well, I'm not a marketer, so that's not the business. I need to figure a different business. And I think that's the wrong way of doing it, because you're going to — in every single business venture, you're gonna hit some kind of a ceiling. You're going to have to break through it. So, I think that's what you're kind of talking about.

Thibodeaux

Yeah.

Kolat

So, when you go and break through that to the next level, then you're going to learn something new, and your next one and the next one. So, and that's ultimately you're going to succeed.

Thibodeaux

Yeah. Well, I think it's kind of the difference between being willing to, you know, kind of figure out what your skill set really is, or can be, too, rather than saying I have to fit within the skill set that I already think I have. Like, those are two different mindsets, right?

Kolat

Yeah.

Thibodeaux

And I know, for me, you know, like, even with the podcasting, you know, you know, I started, I wasn't doing any interviews at all, and then I'm like, You know, I really need to, like, bring some people on, because I don't know everything. I need to, like, have other people with their expertise. Like, well, I'm so introverted, I don't want to do that. And yet, God was kind of telling me, “You know, just go out and meet people. Like, you need a network.” And, you know, lo and behold, like, I am — I am not necessarily completely comfortable, but I can manage it, right? And so, I'm learning that that is a skill that He gave me that I didn't even really know that I could use and — but it's coming out. And so, I think again, you know, like, if you just step into it, you might be surprised at how far you can get, and you didn't even realize it.

Kolat

Right. And I will tell you this, from my experience with you so far, you're one of the best interviewers that I've come across, you know —

Thibodeaux

Well, thank you.

Kolat

— because the way you talk and questions. So, but yeah, I think that's a really good distinction that you were looking from that perspective, because when God is leading you, right? I mean, look at Peter out of the Bible. Fisherman, right? So, he knows how to fish. He goes and does his thing every single day, and then here comes Jesus and said, “Listen, come with me. Follow me. You're going to be fishing men.” And you're like, what? Hada, whada, hada, what? You know, are you kidding me? I'm not the guy. Right?

Thibodeaux

Right.

Kolat

And it ends up happening that you're gonna have to grow. And I think it's you actually growing more back into your authentic self, what you were meant to be. And when you start to recognize that, all of a sudden, deep down inside, feels like it's the right thing, but the world is trying to stop you from doing it. And that's when you, every single day, you have to, you know, if you feel like you're in the right path, okay, the next step, just the next step, just the next step, and you keep taking the next step. And then maybe you, like, shift it a little bit right? Like, if I call, like, when I was releasing the book, I made so many connections, so many phone calls, so many things that I would have, would not have done in the past, but I knew that this was not about me. This was about helping people. So, notice there was a different why was for me, and I kept doing it, kept doing it, kept doing it. And I think that's what kind of you have here. Your why for what you're doing is not about you so much is about somebody else. And when it comes to be as somebody else, now, all of a sudden, that introvert, like you mentioned, stop shining the light on yourself, and you actually help others.

Thibodeaux

Well, I’m tryin’.

Kolat

Make sense?

Thibodeaux

Oh yeah. Yeah. I think I know, for me, you know, having that — that experience, you know, and kind of like we were talking about before, like, if you have that experience, and then it's not so scary, it gets easier to do. And so, that's kind of what I'm learning with this experience, too, is that, you know, I can, I can lean into it more, because now I have had the experiences that went well. And I think everybody who is trying to get to their authentic self kind of needs that. Like, they need to just kind of say, “I'm going to try it. It's not comfortable.” But in my own experience, you know, once I got into it, you know, there were some really enjoyable points, you know, in interviews. And there still are, you know, and I'm sure there'll be many more to come, but I would never have had those enjoyable experience if I would have listened to that fear.

Kolat

Yeah.

Thibodeaux

You know what I mean? So, just — like, focusing on that to say, like, I know you're scared, but there can be some really, really good, enjoyable things, like joy that comes out of you facing your fear. I don't think we necessarily think about that. We just think about the fear.

Thibodeaux

No. Yeah. Exactly. I will tell you, so, I just came from an event. We have events going around the country. We just had one event right now. And in front of the room, we started talking about fear. And I asked, “Does anybody here like snakes?” And the lady raised herself, “Yeah, I actually have a snake.” You know? And then I said, “Does anybody in here hate snakes?” And there was a whole bunch of hands that came up. So, I started talking to these two people. And you hate snakes, you love snakes, right? Some people have fear of snakes. So, as the person who loves snake, what about that snake? And she literally talked about how she loves and how it's a really nice pet, and it feels nice and — and, like, she described in a very kind of a loving way, whereas the person who I ask, like, you know, why do you hate that snake, she, “Well, I hate it. I can't stand it. They bite me.” And then whole bunch of different things. So, notice what the big difference was. The one that's not afraid of the snakes had some kind of form of loving towards it. The meaning that she associated about that snake was more loving, more appreciative, more something good about it was the other person was the opposite. So, if we just started loving on our fears, what if you just found something that you love about that fear that's coming up? Well, I love the fact that it's actually coming up in me right now. That's a really good thing. Well, would you look at that? Maybe there was something I don't want to call that particular person, but maybe I'm going to learn something good, something new about the particular person. Maybe something about their story. Maybe I should reach out to them. You reach out to them. All of a sudden, you get off the phone call, I'm like, but that wasn't so bad.

Thibodeaux

Yeah.

Kolat

You know? So, that's how I think it's about loving on that fear that dismantles the power that the fear might have over you.

Thibodeaux

Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard anybody say that to like, love on your fear, but I love it. I'm gonna steal it. It's great.

Kolat

Good.

Thibodeaux

So, you know, as we're kind of wrapping up here, you know, you had brought up your book, too, and I definitely want to get back to that for just a minute here. But is there anything that, you know, from the — from the core of the book that you really want to leave the listeners with, based on everything that we've kind of chatted about?

Kolat

So, one core element in the book, I mean, I talk about — there's two parts of the book. One is the awakening, and the other one's rebirth. And I think most of the times don't go through the awakening process, because it sometimes feels crappy, for the lack of a better word. But we have to be able to reawaken to what our belief system is. And one of the things that in that belief, they were awakening, what we discover is, in order to for us to be able to love someone else, right, to be able to go in life and love on these people, I think we have to love ourselves first. And what does that actual love look like? And if you have an ego, or if you have some kind of, like beating yourself up. You're, you know, you're depressed or whatever. Guess what? You are not loving yourself unconditionally. And I think that's a big part of what is it, because we have whole bunch of conditions that we set on ourselves, on our how we need to be, on whatever. Now, if we just love ourselves unconditionally, guess what? We are the way we are, and we start moving, and you start taking action, and you start showing up in life in a completely different way, and especially the people that are closest to you. So that's a, I think, big part of what we need to bring more into this world. Yeah.

Thibodeaux

Yeah. Just to kind of connect that, maybe — maybe flip it just a little bit, I know from my own experience, and you know people that I know they would hear that and say, “Well, you know, I'm just in a place in my life where I just I can't love myself.” Like, there's just been too much bad things that have happened. And so, what I want to tell listeners, if it helps anybody out there, is that — just be open to other people, because that experience, again, experiences, right? But the experience of allowing other people to love on you kind of teaches us that you're not so bad. And then I think that's where you can start to love. Like, if you need that little catalyst and being open to say, like, they didn't reject me. I thought they would, but they didn't. Just little, tiny experiences. Doesn't even have to be anything big. You know, it couldn't be, like, you went up and you bought a coffee and the — and the barista was nice to you, and you thought they were going to be mean. Right?

Kolat

Yeah.

Thibodeaux

Well, hey. That challenged my — my perception of what was gonna happen. Well, take it, you know, and just, like, learn to accept that. I think a lot of us, we have, we are in a mental state where it's just hard to do that. But if we open ourselves up a little bit, we accept that love, then we can say, “Okay, I love myself enough because they're seeing something in me that I don't.” And to question, well, what is that? And just start saying — because that is the authentic self. Like, they are seeing it even though you don't, and they can help you connect to it that, I guess is what I'm saying. And so that there's a back and forth to that, you know, where we give to other people, they give to us so that we know who we are.

Kolat

Yeah, I love that. That's a great — yeah, glad you brought it up. Something. Yeah.

Thibodeaux

Well, as we wrap up here, do you mind if I pray for you?

Kolat

Yeah? Oh, would love that. Yeah. Sure.

Thibodeaux

Okay, wonderful.

God, he is on a very important mission to help people connect to who you really designed them to be. I think the world gets in the way of that so easily. So, Lord, I ask that you bless his book and all the work that he's doing with that. Bless his coaching so that he can bring people to you by showing them the design that you really have for them. In Jesus name, I pray.

Kolat

Amen. Okay, wow. I love it.

Thibodeaux

Yeah, just to just to let us go here, is there — if people want to learn more about you, where can they go?

Kolat

They can go to a website, myauthenticrebirth.com, that's where the book is. And this is what it looks like. Actually, this is, I think, the first book ever that you can actually write your name on the front cover.

Thibodeaux

Oh, perfect.

Kolat

So it would be Wanda's Authentic Self Rebirth, Peter's Authentic Self Rebirth. And you can buy that book anywhere that books are sold, whether it's Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and on Instagram, I have a channel called Authentic Self Rebirth, where I share a lot of those little tidbits, kind of a 90-second reels, kind of really powerful little nuggets that I think people would really appreciate it. So, thank you for allowing me to step into your podcast here, and you know and love on your audience here, and hopefully they'll get something out of this for themselves.

Thibodeaux

Yeah, thank you. It's been a pleasure. I'll make sure people have all the links in the show notes that they need. Thanks again for your time, Peter.

Kolat

Thank you.

Thibodeaux

Listeners, as someone who put work as the center of life for years, I found Peter’s view incredibly refreshing. I think it’s one we need to really take a closer look at really seriously because of the transformation it can bring to what we’re doing. Next episode, we’re going to kind of keep this idea of the self and authenticity going with a chat with Greg Woodard. He’s going to help us really understand the idea of soul care and what that all means in our Christian living. While you wait for that, go check out the library at faithfulontheclock.com or visit Amazon to order your copy of Grace in the Grind: 52 Devotions for Thriving in the Workplace. Take care, everybody, and be blessed.