Life as an android is complicated. When Esten tries to learn about love, he discovers that life is more than just a series of algorithms...

Today’s story is the first of two parts of “Variables” by Roland Jovaik, who wrote this story as a submission for Roar 5, by Bad Dog Books. He hopes you enjoy one of his earlier works and if you’re interested in reading more, he is currently working on reviving his SoFurry page where he will be posting any future works.

Read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.

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You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.

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I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,

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and Today’s story is the first of two parts of

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“Variables” by Roland Jovaik,

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who wrote this story as a submission for Roar 5, by Bad Dog Books.

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He hopes you enjoy one of his earlier works and if you’re intested in reading more,

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he is currently working on reviving his SoFurry page where he will be posting any future works.

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“Variables”

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by Roland Jovaik,

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Part 1 of 2 Every morning started with the same routine;

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a medium, three-quarters full, black coffee from the cafe downstairs.

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Esten watched the other patrons buzz around him as he pretended to enjoy his brew

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through a carefully crafted technique that created the illusion of drinking.

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Elevate, tip forty-five degrees,

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and inhale. His movements were so precise

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that he garnered a few awkward looks with how fluidly he ‘drank’ his coffee.

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This routine was just a single part of his carefully constructed persona.

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He strived to make himself a regular here

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so that if his sentience was ever questioned,

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he would have witnesses and testimonies

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reinforcing his integration into society.

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Corey, the morning barista,

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seemed to have taken quite a liking to him, too.

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This was something he vaguely understood as

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‘having a crush’. This played well into his goal of building good rapport with the staff.

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Through the small-talk that came with being a regular of the cafe,

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Esten had picked up various

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details, such asCorey’s age (twenty-five),

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his favorite drink (half-decaf macchiato), and his sexual preferences

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(men). It did not take the automaton long to notice that Corey’s pulse quickened in his presence,

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or that the fox became clumsy when performing basic tasks.

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These things, he had learned,

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were tells of infatuation.

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What would it be like, Esten mused,

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to become involved with another individual?

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The notion seemed beyond comprehension.

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It wouldn’t do him any good, he thought.

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Emotions were too complex

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and riddled with inconsistencies to be emulated properly.

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“Would you like a top up, Sir?”

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The gears in Esten’s head

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stopped turning for a moment when he looked up to see Corey standing with a carafe of freshly brewed coffee.

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The fox looked so hopeful, it seemed

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a shame to disappoint him.

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Esten ran the tip of his finger along his coffee cup.

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“Corey, was it?” Corey nodded.

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“I would love one.”

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Esten gave a deliberate flick of his tail,

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brushing it against the fox’s.

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It seemed a simple, but effective act of flirting.

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He watched carefully as Corey shivered while pouring from the carafe.

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Esten had been suspicious of Corey’s infatuation for some time,

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and now he was certain of it.

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Coffee overflowed from Esten’s cup and spilled out onto the table.

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Corey yelped sheepishly and muttered “enjoy-your-coffee”

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before running back to safety behind the counter.

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Esten recognized the behavior as being cute,

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but was still mostly unaware of the true implications of the act.

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With a hint of a smile,

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he wiped up the spill with some leftover napkins.

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He was sure to raise his cup

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to the blushing fox behind the counter before he pretended to take another sip,

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adjusting the angles of his beverage accordingly.

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Coffee dribbled down his chin and onto his shirt before he realized

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he’d tipped the cup just a little too far.

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He quickly dabbed himself with some nearby napkins, but the coffee stains had already set in.

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He would have to buy a new shirt on his way home.

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Steam tickled at the delicate receptors in his nose

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—oxygen dihydride, mingled with grounds of Guatemalan coffee

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and a hint of filter paper;

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coffee. To interact

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and act like the people around him, his creator had designed

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his own set of senses that would allow him to react appropriately to the world’s stimuli.

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Esten continued to follow the fox

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in his peripheral senses between sips.

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He caught eyes with Corey more than once,

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and in each instance,

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Corey hurried away to busy himself with stocking the nearby condiment stand, which was

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overflowing with sugar packets and straws.

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Teasing the poor fox

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brought a brief smile to his muzzle and an unfamiliar sense of what he could only interpret as

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‘amusement.’ He took note

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of the fox’s elevated heart rate and rise in body temperature.

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Silly creatures, he thought as he finished

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‘drinking’ his coffee.

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Though Esten’s main objective was to blend in, he had no interest in actually being ‘real.’

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He knew his place in society,

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and the world simply wasn’t ready to acknowledge his existence.

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Esten turned his attention away and was about to pack up

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when the fox approached him with a napkin in hand.

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It was wrinkled within Corey’s tightly clenched fist.

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The mustelid stifled an unexpected giggle.

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He was amused by the situation, though he couldn’t pinpoint why.

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Sensing the presence of any sort of

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genuine emotion within himself had never happened before. In fact,

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he had no reason to believe it was possible until now.

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He shrugged his jacket back on

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and stood as tall as he could manage, coming just a few inches short of the fox’s muzzle at full height.

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“I was just setting out,”

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he stated in a very matter-of-fact sort of way.

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“Oh, well, alright.”

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The fox stood with slumped shoulders for a few moments before clearing his throat

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and drawing attention to the napkin by wringing his paws together.

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“My name’s Corey, by the way.

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I mean, we’ve talked before, but—”

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“I remember,” he interrupted.

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“My name’s Esten,”

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he lifted his paw in a hand-shake motion.

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“I know. Er, I mean, um...” Corey shook the ferret’s hand while keeping the napkin held close to his chest.

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His paw was tense and Corey seemed unable to function while in physical contact with the ferret.

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Esten nodded toward to the napkin.

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“Is that for me?” Corey looked down at the napkin held tight in his paw,

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then at the floor as he held it out.

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“Yes, for you. I mean,

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if you want it. If you wanted to meet up. I mean,

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aside from here—”

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Esten took the wrinkled paper from Corey’s paw,

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letting their fingers brush together, yet another simple act of flirting.

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He could practically see Corey’s heart beating out of control

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inside his chest, even without his heightened senses.

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The fox retreated back to the counter before Esten could say anything more.

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He tucked the napkin into his jacket for later.

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Having friends would help him fit in,

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and this was as good a start as any.

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Esten retreated to his complex above the cafe

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to collect his thoughts.

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The apartment was small and sparsely furnished.

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His desk sat in the far corner,

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a small dining room table was pushed up against the kitchen wall, and a large brown armchair sat in the living room with a couch that sat perpendicular to the window.

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Keepsakes from his late master

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sat upon the window sill, outlining his unobstructed view

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of downtown. He strode over to the window where his diary also sat,

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next to a plain wooden box.

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The box had always been somewhat of a mystery to Esten.

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His father had given specific instructions that the box was not to be opened until the he felt the time was right.

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When that time would be, Esten thought he might never know.

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He didn’t concern himself with the details. The box was a box,

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and would continue to be a box after he opened it.

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There was no reason to question his master’s wishes.

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Scratches filled the room as he scribbled his thoughts out,

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his writing not much different than that of a typewriter.

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May 25, 2014 9:47 AM - The barista

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downstairs, Corey,

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approached me with his phone number.

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It is my understanding that he wishes to initiate courting.

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My programming is currently insufficient to deal with such a complex ritual.

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Additional research will need to be completed before making any further progress.

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His creator had always told him to keep a diary;

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a memoir of his thoughts, in case anything were to happen to him,

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and as a way of practicing dialog and communication. He had

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argued against the practice, but his master had been adamant.

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Even though his creator was long gone,

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Esten continued to write in his diary as a testament to his father,

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as his creator had insisted he be called.

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Esten closed the cover to his notebook

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and stood from his desk.

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Perhaps he would stop by the book store later today.

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The Art of Dating and Gun Maintenance,

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by E.C. Escher. The book had scored highly with customer reviews

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and seemed the most appropriate for Esten’s unique situation.

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In ten minutes he had managed to flip through each individual page and put it back on the shelf.

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All of the information it had to give him was now stored permanently within his memory banks.

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Esten took his leave,

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parsing through page after page of dating advice.

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The book had taught him much, but there were

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so many questions unanswered,

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and even more subjective concepts that he could not understand

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with no equations or quantifiable facts to guide his calculations.

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Make your partner feel special.

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Bring them flowers.

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Page sixtyseven, line thirty-four. Be yourself.

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Page ninety, line four.

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Since Esten had no real personality of his own,

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he would have to construct one based on previous encounters with people

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and that of his late father.

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The book went on to explain the theoretical situations that arose during courtship

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and how one was expected to react.

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It was full of contradictory information and all of it seemed ludicrous, in theory or in practice,

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but the reviews had assured guaranteed results and he had little more to go on

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than long-winded text

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and the tales of others’ victorious conquests.

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He had waited two days, as the book suggested,

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before picking up his phone.

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The break in his daily routine felt odd.

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It was unusual to be away from the cafe for so long.

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When his fingers went to dial the number he hesitated.

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A sliver of doubt seeped into his mind.

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Surely the book’s logic did not apply to everyone.

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Maybe he had waited too long to call and Corey did not want to get together after all.

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Ridiculous, he thought,

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shaking his head free from his own thoughts. He hit send.

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The phone rang three times.

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“Hello?” The voice was definitely Corey’s.

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“Hi,” Esten replied.

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“Oh, hey.” Corey paused.

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“Who’s this?” “It’s Esten.”

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“Esten!” There was a loud clatter and a frantic rustling as the fox’s excited squeak slipped through the speaker. “Hi.

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I was beginning to think I wasn’t going to hear back from you.” “I’ve been busy,”

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he lied. Don’t let on that you’re interested.

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Page one-hundred seventy-three,

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line eighty-six. There was an awkward silence between them that Corey took the liberty of breaking.

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“So, did you want to grab some drinks tonight?”

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Take them someplace nice.

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“How about San Andrea’s up on Charleston?”

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“That ritzy uptown place?”

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Corey’s voice wavered.

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“I don’t know if I can afford that.”

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Put up, and they’ll put out.

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Research told him the phrase was a euphemism for sex,

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which he thought resembled prostitution by its most literal definition.

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Nevertheless, he wanted to explore every aspect of dating.

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“It’s on me. What do you say?” “I dunno,

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I’m not so great in a suit and tie.”

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Be persistent. “We’ll have a good time.”

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Even he didn’t think that sounded convincing when he said it.

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“Well, alright,” Corey caved.

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“Pick me up at seven?”

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“It’s a date.” He hit the call button and tucked the phone back in his pocket.

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Esten had picked up a suit for the occasion.

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Thanks to his lack of need for food,

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heat and other normal essentials,

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he had plenty of money stashed away for unplanned expenditures such as this.

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Esten rolled up

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in a small luxury sedan,

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a parting gift from his master.

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Corey came out dressed in a purple button-up shirt with a red tie,

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visibly embarrassed when he walked up to the car and noticed Esten in his formal attire.

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The fox’s attire was a far cry from the suit Esten had been able to afford.

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Corey walked up to the car,

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wringing his hands out in front of him.

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“You look nice,” he said,

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stepping into the passenger side.

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Give them compliments, make them feel important.

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“Not as nice as you, Handsome.”

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It had almost been a direct quote from the book.

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The words felt awkward rolling off the android’s tongue,

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but Corey’s cheeks lit up and his heart rate increased considerably.

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As far as he could understand,

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the compliment had the desired effect.

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“Sorry I couldn’t find anything nicer to wear on such short notice,”

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Corey murmured as he slipped into the passenger seat.

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His tail was curled into his lap

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and he looked very self-conscious about how he was dressed.

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Esten shifted the car into gear,

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giving Corey a sideways glance

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“You’re dressed adequately.

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I don’t see why there would be an issue.”

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Insecurities were yet another thing Esten could not truly comprehend.

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“Well, yeah, for the restaurant...”

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Corey trailed off, looking out at the passing cars.

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Esten saw no reason to question the matter further.

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They had both made the effort to dress up and dinner would go according to protocol.

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They pulled into the parking lot.

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Esten released his buckle as soon as the car was in park and turned to Corey.

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“Stay there.” He stepped out of the car and made his way around the car to open the passenger door.

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Open doors for them.

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Corey managed an awkward smile as he stepped out.

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“Oh, thank you. You didn’t have to,”

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he protested. Esten put the hours he’d spent practicing the perfect fake smile in the mirror to use,

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articulating his jaw in just the right way to come off as sincere.

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“It’s no trouble at all.”

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Awkward stares followed them into the restaurant

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as the two males walked in with locked arms and continued to do so when they strode up to the podium.

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An otter standing by the podium looked to Esten and then to Corey with a raised eyebrow.

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Esten paid them no mind,

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but Corey had tucked his paws into his pockets.

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He looked to the floor with his posture slouched

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and his tail tucked between his legs.

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“Reservation under Saquan,”

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Esten stated clearly.

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The otter spoke, his voice was stuffy and rehearsed,

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much like Esten’s fake genuine smile.

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“Saquan, here we are.

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Your reservation is for eight o’clock, so we don’t have a table just yet.

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If you could sit over there please, we’ll call you.”

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Demonstrate your affection.

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Esten walked towards the fox and put an arm around his waist.

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Corey turned away from Esten and sat an awkward distance apart on the waiting couches.

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“People are already staring.

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I don’t want any more attention right now,”

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Corey muttered, his eyes darting to anyone he thought might be watching.

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“Does it matter?” He tried again to brush against the fox’s paw,

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but Corey quickly withdrew himself again.

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“Esten, please! I’m not comfortable here.”

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His black-tipped ears were plastered against his head

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and his paws clutched tightly around his tail.

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“What do they matter?”

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He waved from the podium to the dining room.

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Worrying about the opinions of others was such a trivial matter.

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“Did you not intend for this to be a date?”

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The question was born of genuine curiosity.

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Maybe Esten had misinterpreted after all.

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Corey’s brow furrowed

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as his ears went even lower, if that were possible.

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“No, it’s not—look,

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I don’t want to attract any more attention, okay?”

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It seemed useless to press the issue further, so Esten let it be,

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waiting patiently for their table to be ready.

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The otter approached them a while later with a patterned napkin draped over his right arm.

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He glanced at Corey before deliberately turning to acknowledge Esten to speak.

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“Your table is ready, Mr. Saquan. Right this way.”

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Esten stood and offered the fox a paw up.

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Corey brushed it away and stood of his own accord.

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He followed several steps behind,

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tail still tucked between his legs and slunk into the chair opposite of the ferret.

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Corey nearly dropped his menu the moment he opened it.

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“Esten, I can’t possibly afford this.

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Look at the appetizers, they’re half of my week’s paycheck!”

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The otter scoffed and walked away,

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off to belittle the next couple that walked in the door.

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Put up, and they’ll put out.

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“There’s no need to worry about that.

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that.” Esten saw no problem in footing the bill.

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Money was of little consequence to him.

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As far as he was concerned, the discussion was closed.

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“I don’t want you to do this for me. I’d be happier getting a burger down the street.

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This is too much.”

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“I said I’ll take care of it.” His ear twitched with what

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his

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father would have called annoyance.

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He didn’t understand how Corey could be upset by the prices if he wasn’t paying for the meal.

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Corey mumbled something under his breath and buried his nose in the menu,

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not saying another word.

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Esten occupied himself with the wine menu just in time for the server to step up

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and introduce himself.

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A fox, a few inches taller than Corey, stood straight and proper with pen and paper in hand.

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His fur was perfectly groomed beneath his immaculate silk shirt.

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He seemed to shine in the dull candle-lit restaurant and did well to compliment the fox’s lithe frame.

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“Hello, my name is Andre, I’ll be your server for this evening.

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Can I start you off with one of our house wines?”

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Esten tipped the wine menu back and pointed to a particularly expensive item.

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“Yes, we’ll have the Chateau Margaux, please—”

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“Esten!” Corey’s voice peaked and his heckles came up in an instant.

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“Two glasses,” he finished with a glance over at Corey

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who obviously took issue with his decision.

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“Excellent choice,”

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Andre scribbled on his notepad and seemed to glide away from the table, off to retrieve the wine.

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“Esten,” Corey piped up again,

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“why do you insist on doing this?”

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Esten flipped the wine menu face down on the table

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and picked up the dinner menu,

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tracing over the food items while only occasionally glancing up at the fox.

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“I can choose to spend my money how I please.

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I choose to spend it on a pleasant evening with you.

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Is this not what you wanted?”

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“No! Well, not like this.”

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His ears flattened back against his head.

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“I’m really out of my element, if you haven’t noticed.

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I don’t feel welcome here.”

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“You’re being ridiculous,”

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Esten said, unable to contain a sigh as he put the menu down.

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He recognized the emotion as

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‘exacerbation.’ It clouded his thoughts and made him clench his fists against the arm of his chair.

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It was an unpleasant feeling.

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In all the years he’d been studying people and their emotions,

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he’d never come across any of his own.

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How was it that he being plagued with them now?

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In the midst of their bickering, he had already decided what he wanted for dinner.

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“Can we not just have a nice meal together without all the worry?”

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“Easy for you to say, Suit-And-Tie,”

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he spat. “Look, maybe we can go somewhere else when this is over?”

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“If you wish.” The fox came back with two glasses in one paw

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and a bottle of wine in the other.

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He uncorked the bottle in front of him

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and allowed Esten to have first whiff of the bottle.

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When he nodded in approval,

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Andre poured the wine into each glass, letting his gaze linger on Corey as he did so.

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Corey shifted in his seat,

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reaching shakily for the wine glass that had been poured for him.

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Esten could not react fast enough for what he saw coming a mile away;

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the droid watched as Corey’s wineglass tumbled towards him

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as it fumbled from his shaky paws, spilling over the table and onto the fox’s shirt and pants.

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Corey shrieked and the waiter let out an exasperated sigh.

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“I’ll get you something to wipe off with,”

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he muttered before walking off to the kitchen.

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Before the ferret could say anything

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Corey jumped from his seat

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and ran from the restaurant with his hands over his face.

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Esten didn’t need a book to tell him this date was going horribly wrong.

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He threw a hundred on the table for the wine they would no longer finish together

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and followed him outside.

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The fox’s sobs were easily heard over the quiet nightlife.

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He caught a glimpse of the vulpine’s tear-streaked cheeks

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before Corey wiped them away, mussing his tufts of fur up further.

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Corey glanced over, but said nothing,

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leaving the two in awkward silence until Esten felt compelled

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to try and save the situation that had gone so awry.

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“I can get that dry-cleaned for you.”

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He nodded to the discolored patch of wine that surrounded Corey’s crotch.

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Corey wiped away another tear before glaring at Esten.

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“I don’t care about a dry-cleaning bill, Esten!

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I wasn’t comfortable there.

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Could you not see how they were looking at me?

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I obviously wasn’t welcome.

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If it wasn’t for you I’m sure they would’ve tossed me out on my end without a word.”

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“Again with the self-consciousness,”

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Esten grumbled to himself,

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pinching the bridge of his muzzle with two fingers.

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“But they didn’t. Are their opinions that important to you?

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You’ll never see those people again.”

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“I didn’t want to see them in the first place!”

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His voice echoed against the walls,

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leaving a light ringing that quickly faded out of existence.

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New tears streaked his face

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as he balled his fists.

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“I told you I didn’t want to,

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but you wouldn’t listen.

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You seemed perfectly content throwing your money around while paying no mind to anyone around you, including me!” Corey turned on his heel and stormed off down the walkway, away from where Esten had parked the car. “Where are you going?”

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Asked Esten. He didn’t turn

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around. “I’m going home.”

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“Your place is miles from here.

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Let me drive you.”

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“I’ll walk,” he spat bitterly.

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So much for research.

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“Too many variables,” he muttered.

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People simply had

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too many attributes

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that just couldn’t be calculated or measured.

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He walked back to his car,

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the engine coming to life as he hit the button on his fob.

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Life for Esten continued as it always did.

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The sun still rose

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and the coffee shop was still there when he arrived the next morning.

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Except that when Esten stepped into the cafe at his usual time,

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Corey was nowhere to be seen.

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The shop was devoid of the fox’s bashful cheer

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and somehow that made the little downstairs shop feel like a different place entirely.

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The rest of the day, however,

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would proceed as normal.

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This was the first of two parts

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of “Variables” by Roland Jovaik,

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read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.

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Tune in next time to find out how Esten will complete his studies in the art of dating.

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As always, you can find more stories on the web

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at thevoice.dog, or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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Thank you for listening

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to The Voice of Dog