Learning how to enjoy your own company is one of the most overlooked forms of self-love.

In this episode of Notes to Her: The Daily Pep Talk, Yaya explores why being alone feels uncomfortable for so many women, how loneliness is different from solitude, and why your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life.

If you’ve ever stayed busy to avoid your thoughts, felt uneasy in silence, or relied on external validation to feel okay, this note is for you.

Inside this episode, we talk about:

1. Why being alone can feel awkward or unsafe
2. The difference between loneliness and solitude
3. How avoiding yourself impacts your relationships
4. Small ways to build a better relationship with yourself
5. Why enjoying your own company is a form of self-trust

Listen to the next episode: Your Daily Habits Are Snitching on Your Self-Love, where we talk about the everyday practices that quietly reveal how deeply you’re choosing yourself.

Join Yaya, February 23-27, in the Her Era: The Self-Love Reset — a free 5-day experience to help you stop shrinking and start choosing yourself. Learn more here.

Hey, welcome back to Notes to Her, the daily pep talk.

Now this one means a lot to me because today we're talking about something that doesn't get enough love.

And that's learning how to enjoy your own company.

Not tolerate it, not distract yourself through it, not fill every quiet moment with noise, people or scrolling, but actually enjoy being with you.

Because if you don't like being alone with yourself, that shows up everywhere.

It shows up in the relationships that you choose, the standards that you tolerate, the way you avoid stillness, the way you stay busy so that you don't have to sit with your own thoughts.

And let me say this, learning to enjoy your own company is not about becoming independent to the point of isolation.

It's not that.

It's about becoming so grounded with yourself that you don't use people, relationships or distractions to avoid yourself.

So let's talk about it.

Now.

For a lot of women, being alone feels uncomfortable.

Not because they don't like themselves, but because they were never taught how to be with themselves.

So instead they stay busy.

There's noise, schedules, work, people, constant movement.

Because stillness forces you to sit with your own thoughts, your feelings, your unmet needs, your desires that you've been ignoring.

And if you spend most of your life putting everyone else first, being alone can feel awkward, lonely, or even unsafe.

Especially if you were praised for being useful, helpful, strong.

Especially if you went through rest, was lazy, and being still meant that you were falling behind.

Well, let me say this.

Discomfort does not mean that something is wrong most of the time.

It means that something is trying to surface.

And instead of running from that feeling, this is where self love begins.

Not in fixing yourself, but in staying with yourself.

Now, there's a big difference between loneliness and solitude.

Loneliness is feeling disconnected from yourself.

Solitude is being connected to yourself.

You can feel lonely in a room full of people and you can feel peace completely alone.

Loneliness sounds like I don't feel seen, I don't feel chosen, I don't feel enough solitude.

Sounds like I'm okay right here.

I enjoy my own thoughts, I trust myself.

And that's the part that people don't talk about enough.

Enjoying your own company is a form of self trust.

It says I don't need external validation to feel whole.

And when you stop choosing from emptiness, everything else shifts.

You choose your friends differently, you choose your partners differently, you choose opportunities differently.

Because now you're not trying to escape yourself, you're choosing from fullness.

Learning to enjoy your own company doesn't mean that you stop wanting connection.

It Means you stop using people to fill voids.

And for me, one of the biggest ways that I have learned to enjoy my own company is through my solo trips.

I take at least one solo trip a year intentionally.

Not because I'm running from people, but because I want time to reconnect with me.

Those trips are where I slow down, all the way down, and I reflect on what I've accomplished, what I'm proud of, what I want to continue working on, and what no longer fits.

Sometimes I'll plan excursions or experiences, yes.

But there's moments where I plan nothing at all.

Just me.

My thoughts, my journal, my music, my vision.

And what I've learned is this.

When you give yourself space without distraction, you start to hear yourself again.

You remember what you want.

You reconnect with your intuition.

You realize you actually enjoy your own energy.

And that kind of self connection.

It makes you less likely to settle, less likely to tolerate misalignment, less likely to choose relationships that don't feel good.

Because when you know how to be with yourself, you stop choosing people just to avoid being alone.

Now, I want to give you a few ways to start building that relationship with yourself without forcing anything.

It can be as simple as taking yourself out without your phone glued in your hand.

Let yourself notice what you enjoy.

Or how about sitting in silence for a few minutes without rushing to distract.

Notice what comes up without judgment.

Journaling.

Honestly, not productively.

You don't need an outcome, just the truth.

I find journaling to be so freeing because sometimes there's so many thoughts that are in my head and being able to write them down and just get them out makes me feel so much more free.

How about speaking to yourself kindly, even on the hard days?

Especially on the hard days.

And here's something that I really want you to hear.

You don't have to love every part of yourself to enjoy your presence.

You just have to stay.

Stay when it's quiet.

Stay when it's uncomfortable.

Stay when the urge to distract kicks in.

Because the more that you stay with yourself, the safer you become to yourself.

And that changes everything.

Everything.

Now here's the truth.

The better your relationship with yourself, the healthier every other relationship becomes.

This is one of those notes that you don't need to rush past.

You need to sit with it, save it, come back to it.

And if you know a woman who's learning how to choose herself, who's tired of filling up space just to avoid being alone, share this with her.

Because learning to enjoy your own company is one of the most powerful forms of self love there is.

Again, I want to invite you to join my 5 day self love Challenge.

It is called her Error, the Self Love Reset.

In it, we are going to work on rebuilding that relationship with yourself.

Learning to like yourself because you are allowed to like yourself.

You are allowed to enjoy your own presence and you are allowed to be your own safe place.

And if you're ready to explore this more, if you're ready to stop shrinking and start choosing you, I'd love to invite you to my free five day self love challenge starting February 23rd.

You can find out more details in the show notes.

And remember, you are worthy of a life that feels good on the inside and always happen.