Rejection is a staple of life that we must become accustomed to. By holding onto countless attempts of failure, we will never see the true versions of ourselves. How we deal with rejection, instead of dreading on it, may be easier than it seems. Today’s episode reinforces the importance of walking along the path, even if you are creating it yourself, to allow for opportunities to grow and reduce your percentage chance of rejection from occurring. It’s perfectly fine to feel dejected, but it is no longer acceptable to stay in the space of rejection forever.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 167 of Speaking from the Heart.

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I know.

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I'm feeling it.

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I know that you sense it.

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I feel that maybe it's something that

happened to you all those years ago

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and you're still holding on to it.

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It might have even happened yesterday.

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You were walking down the street and

all of a sudden, somebody said to

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you something that you never thought

you would ever hear in your life.

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It was something that was full of hate.

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It was insensitive.

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It created this void inside of yourself,

and despite the fact that you tried to

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work through it, it still holds on to

you, almost like a knife stabbing right

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into your heart, but when you have that

feeling from other people, and they

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keep on walking by, it's time to keep

walking with them, not stalking them,

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but walking with them, to be able to

learn a little bit more as to why they

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might be responding the way they are.

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I don't know about you, but maybe you

don't feel comfortable with doing that,

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and maybe I mean that more figuratively,

which I do indeed mean that, and today's

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episode is talking about when people

do nasty, mean things to you, make you

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feel like you're holding on to those

countless attempts of failure, even

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though you try to keep on winning and

succeeding as much as you possibly can,

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maybe it's time to investigate why they

are the reason they are the problem for

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what you have accomplished for yourself.

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I know that we can have that bias.

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We might be in that groupthink of saying

to ourselves, "We have it all together.

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I know that I am doing the most amazing

things in my life, and nobody can ever

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challenge me in those circumstances.

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Try to bring it on.

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Try to tell me differently,

because I'll tell you something.

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It's not what you think it is,

and I'm going to work on myself.

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I'm going to keep on

being better than I am."

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I'm sure that you have those self talks.

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I'm sure that you have those mantras

that help you; that positive affirmation.

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We've talked about it on a number of

different episodes on how that can

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create opportunities in itself, but

what if those mantras are really wrong?

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What if you do have groupthink?

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What if you are saying

things that are really mean?

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They're not giving anybody else much

perspective to be able to help you,

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work with you, maybe even talk to you,

challenging your status quo, but I know

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that for us, it's easier to be able to

say that we need to work on ourselves,

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and then we were able to set up that

plan, that futuristic version of ourself

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that we always wanted to be, and we've

had those conversations even recently

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on this podcast, especially as it

comes to the end of the year entering

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into the year 2025, but it's perfectly

okay to feel the way that you do.

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I'm sure that you might feel a little

bit comfortable being able to say to

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somebody else, "Give me some feedback

on this.", especially if it's from

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somebody that you absolutely trust.

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I know I have people like that.

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We featured Melody Taylor on an episode

not all that long ago, in which, my best

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friend, even tells me when I'm acting out.

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I've had other people even reach out to

me saying that, "Why am I doing what I'm

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doing?", challenging my self belief and

giving me the encouragement to think a

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little bit differently, but why do we take

these things so personally, especially

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if they're from complete strangers?

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Well, I have a theory.

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It's because we are trying to live

up to someone else's expectation.

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It might be even something that

has happened to us a long time ago.

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It might have even hurt us in a way

in which we don't feel comfortable

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about how we're able to create that

dynamic, that feeling of self-worth.

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Even if you think you have that

ability to always ask yourself those

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important questions, to be able to

have that self-reflective perspective,

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which is a very much a tongue twister

in itself, I still say that you need

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somebody else from the outside to

tell you what you should be looking

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at as ways in which you can improve.

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It doesn't mean that you go up to complete

random strangers and ask them, "Hey!

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How do you think I should get better?

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Should I do this?

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Should I do that?"

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I'm sure that all those different people,

all those different voices for that

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matter could tell you in a variety of

different ways, how you can do that,

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how you can walk down that path, but if

you really are going to give yourself

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opportunities to grow in yourself, when

those people walk by, giving you those

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negative messages, or even making you feel

worthless, it's time to start asking more

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questions, and start walking with them as

to why they are doing what they're doing.

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Now, I don't mean literally, as I

mentioned earlier, because there

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are laws that protect other people.

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I'm not abricating that

you should commit a crime.

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It would be against my ethics, especially

as a coach on why it's so important for us

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to work on ourselves, to be able to work

on our voice, in this ever-changing world.

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What I'm really encouraging to do is to

think about what are some other ways in

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which you can learn from that person from

a distance, or maybe even others that

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you have in your life that act the same

way, that can create that best value,

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that can help you to shake the tree

that you have in your life right now.

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Maybe it can help you in figuring

out what are the ways in which you

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can create not only more opportunity

for yourself, but for others as well.

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I think that it means that you have to

figure out what is the percentage chance

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of rejection ever occurring again if

you are willing to work on yourself.

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I will also have to caveat that you

will never be able to reach zero

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percent, meaning that you will never

get another piece of criticism in

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your life, because let's face it.

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If it wasn't for criticism, we wouldn't

be able to have this conversation today.

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It's by human nature that we criticize

each other, because we think, or

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have this perspective, of what

criticism really is in our life.

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What might be positive reinforcement

from one person, might be criticism

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from another person, using the same

words, using the same tone or approach.

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It doesn't mean that we're wrong, it

just means that we have to reframe

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the conversation in our head, actually

rewiring our brains for that matter of

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how we can change our fixed mindset to a

growth mindset, but even with all those

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things said, you have to also learn how

to be able to talk to people, being able

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to understand how to ask those right

questions, and it doesn't mean that

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you have to figure out what the exact

wording is of that question, but also

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coming from it from a perspective of

having peace, having it that you really

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genuinely want to learn more, that you

are open to feedback and perspectives that

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normally you wouldn't accept otherwise,

so here's some things to think about if

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you ever decide that you want to keep

walking with the people that might have

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challenged you, that might have made you

feel worthless, or maybe that has made you

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felt like maybe you needed to do a little

bit better than you had been before.

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The first thing I would recommend

is to even write down the people

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that immediately come to mind.

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Maybe there's been people even recently

that have challenged your status quo.

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They have made you feel like your

perception of what life is all

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about, and what you're trying

to achieve, is completely off.

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Having that list, having those people

available to you that you would

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be able to reach out and have that

conversation with is a good start.

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That means writing down names, email

addresses, phone numbers, and even

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why you want to reach out to them.

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Writing that narrative is so important.

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After you do that, think about what

that conversation will look like.

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That's step two.

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That conversation should

not be accusatory.

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It should not be riling their feelings,

or making them feel worthless because

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of what they said to you, but how

you can kindly and politely point

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out what has happened so that you can

have that dialogue, you can have that

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conversation with each other, about why

those things happened the way they did.

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Figuring out how that conversation

will ultimately operate, which we

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have even talked about in some recent

episodes of how that dialogue could

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happen from a job perspective, could

help you to also formulate what that

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safe conversation would look like.

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Now, when I say the word safe,

it means that we're not attacking

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each other, using verbal violence.

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It doesn't mean that we stay silent

when they actually are giving us

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constructive feedback that we asked for.

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What I'm essentially saying

is you're preparing your body.

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You're preparing for what the physical

manifestations that will occur, and

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figuring out how to best respond to them.

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That means you might need to

rehearse some of these responses with

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somebody that you absolutely trust.

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It also means, though, that you have to

keep walking with people that sometimes

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might need to be a little bit more

patient than others to be able to gain

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this information, to be able to figure

out how can you move this conversation

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forward, but to be able to have this

percentage chance of rejection be

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reduced even more, we have to figure

out what it might mean to rewire our

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brain to not think of it as rejection.

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I know.

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Pretty meta, right?

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The third step, after you figure out what

your list is and what those conversations

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will look like, figure out what is it

that you ultimately want to achieve,

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because if you're able to figure out

what you really want to achieve through

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creating this opportunity, this space to

be able to grow in, you want to have an

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ultimate purpose for the conversation.

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Do you want to be better at,

say, talking to your family?

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Do you want to be better with becoming

more skillful, more knowledgeable in

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something that maybe you were screwing

up, maybe not doing as well as others?

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Maybe there's some other purpose,

regardless of what it might be, figuring

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out how you can become the true version

of yourself means that not only are you

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working on your ability to be able to

have that kind of conversation, you're

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also preventing your body, yourself for

that matter, from falling into a pit

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that maybe you can't climb out of, and

being a little bit more receptive of

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what other people might have as opinions.

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You know, I have to pause on this,

because sometimes hearing this, even

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in my own life, makes me think about

all the times in which I was very much

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against what people had to say for me.

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Whether it was about the way in which

I treated others, or even the ways in

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which I interacted based on my behavior

or my thought pattern for that day,

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I know that I hurt a lot of people.

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I am guilty of so many different

crimes against humanity when it comes

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to my viewpoints, my perceptions,

what I actually voice to others, and

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I know that I don't escape from that.

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I know that I need to embrace that.

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I know that I need to do better, and

that's something that has been on my

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conscious for such a long time, but I

don't want it to eat me up, and that's

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what I'm really advocating for today

is not to let this get the best of you.

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When people do this, they have

no idea how much it might impact

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you, because they don't think

about that perspective as often.

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They're more worried about what

they have to say, what they have

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on their chest, that they want to

get out to you, that sometimes they

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don't even consider what some of the

viewpoints that I'm saying today.

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Giving yourself the perspective of,

"What is it that you really want to

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achieve?", and also, "What are some

ways in which you can fight against some

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of the negative imagery, or even the

messaging that you're going to portray?"

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Being able to stay in this

space of rejection does do some

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physical harm, and let's be real.

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This guy, your podcast host, has

definitely created that negative

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perception of himself in that space

of rejection time and time again,

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and dare I say, I might even be

doing it now by even mentioning it

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here on this very episode, because

I know that I am a work in progress.

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That means that that continuous

feedback loop of knowing that I need

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to work on myself needs to happen.

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I don't need to catastrophize

myself every single time.

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One of the things that I've learned

even as I continue to do this

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podcast, and even do my business,

is that confidence is something that

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really people appreciate a lot more.

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They want to feel like they can trust

you in what you really have to say.

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Whether it's right, wrong, or indifferent,

having that conviction of knowing that

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this is the universal laws that I live by

is something that they really appreciate

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a lot more than anything else, so if

you don't have those universal laws that

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you live by and you're just drifting

aimlessly through life, that is something

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that I would encourage you to set goals

on, to be able to figure out what are

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the things that you're really driving

yourself towards, because even with all

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those things that are happening, whether

it's through the different types of

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mental health, physical health, or even

emotional health that you have, even

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if it is all those things and so much

more, I want you to know that by just

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working on yourself, and failing at it,

doesn't mean that you are a failure,

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and regardless of what other people have

to say to you, you are not a failure.

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At the time of this recording, I was

at a Toastmasters meeting in which I

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met a young lady a number of months

ago, which I will withhold her identity

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for her protection, that really had

given me a perspective on why it's so

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important to work on your confidence.

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A number of years ago, when I went on

my stint of joining over 12 Toastmaster

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clubs, and I know it's crazy, right?

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Joining that many clubs and trying

to work on yourself was absolutely

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insane, but for me, I needed that

healing at that period of time.

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I was missing the confidence in myself

because I let other voices in my head

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tell me that I wasn't good enough,

and it wasn't just the voices of the

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past, it was the voices of the present.

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This lady, which gave an eight to ten

minute speech about what it means to

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be consistent, to be able to form good

habits, realized in herself that maybe

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she needed to work on that and created

a YouTube channel that really helped

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her to create that ongoing engagement.

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Now, this lady, who has always been able

to work and grow and be able to develop

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her self confidence and the future version

of herself in her own way, has really

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inspired me in this episode to talk about

why it's so important to stay committed.

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That commitment has really changed not

only her speaking ability, but I was

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really proud because I had evaluated

her a number of months ago, seeing her

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incorporate the feedback that I gave her.

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She could have disregarded that

feedback and kept on walking away,

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but instead, she embraced it.

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She was able to keep walking with all

the things that she had going on in

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her life, and be able to use what I

give in her as value as something that

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will allow her to grow into a variety

of different ways, whether it is with

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her speaking ability, or maybe even

with her own personal development.

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I sometimes have to pause and learn

that really, it's about this path

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that we walk on, even with people that

think that they really know it all,

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or even if they feel like they do know

something or don't know something,

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it's okay to have that conversation.

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If anything, today's episode is

really about figuring out how we

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can keep on walking forward, but

also not walking ourselves back,

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thinking that we're worthless.

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We need to be able to find ways in which

we don't reject ourself, not reduce our

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self worth, but grow our self worth.

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Oh, by the way, that woman is somebody

that I really admire that is willing

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to work on herself, and be able to be

a shining example for her kids, amongst

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others, in the Toastmasters club I

belong to, and it really has been an

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enjoyable experience seeing herself

become the best version of who she is.

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Are you willing to be the

best version of who you are?

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Are you willing to take on that percentage

of chance that maybe you can work on

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yourself and build a better habit?

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Are you willing to stop pushing people

away, and start walking with them,

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to become not only the best version,

but also learn a thing or two about

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what life is all about, because I

believe it's not all about failures.

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It's all about success.

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Of course, by your perception that is.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 167 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.