In this episode we discuss the central features of your own struggle and how that informs your identity. When we struggle, we can take our failures and use those to shape who we are rather than who God says we are.

Please follow along with us in the free workbook that we have written just for you. You can find it linked below, both a printable version and a fillable version.

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Thank you all! And God Bless!

What belief about yourself is at the core, is at

2

the center of this struggle?

3

We're going to talk about this

a little bit today as we go

4

through the forming a statement.

5

You're listening to the

Handing It to Jesus podcast.

6

This is the podcast where you trade

your deepest struggles to God for peace.

7

My name is Craig Vowles.

8

This here's Matt Tilley.

9

Hey, Matt.

10

Hey, Craig.

11

Um.

12

Instagram, We're going through this

workbook just chapter by chapter, or

13

really actually like section by section.

14

Yeah, we're still in the

first chapter of this.

15

Yes.

16

Because there's a lot to cover,

and, and we don't want to skim

17

across it too quickly for you all.

18

Yeah, and the, the neat thing about

this, right, so we just got done

19

with the holding on section where you

talked about these three to five, Uh,

20

different Reasons that it's been hard

to give up this struggle and this is

21

after we've we've narrowed down, right?

22

we've kind of categorized the struggle

of the problem that we've called it and

23

We've tried to kind of like trim it down

a little bit with the narrowing, the focus

24

three to five reasons that it's been hard.

25

And now what we want to do is start

the process of tying this together.

26

But before we end up doing that, we really

need to, uh, this is kind of what Matt

27

and I like to do as far as counseling

goes is try to get a little deeper.

28

Yeah.

29

Like imagine the roots of a tree, right?

30

Um, if the tree has bad fruit, um,

it doesn't make any sense to go and

31

replace that fruit with, with good fruit

and just staple on good fruit to it.

32

Um, that doesn't actually fix the problem.

33

It does nothing.

34

It looks good for a week or so until

that fruit begins to rot as well.

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Cause it doesn't have any true

connection to a good source.

36

And so what we're trying

to do in our own lives.

37

Always, always, um, in the counseling

room, but also in our Christian

38

walk, um, is get to the roots

of what is going on in our soul.

39

Um, why do I feel a certain way, think

a certain way, behave a certain way?

40

Um, and it's usually deeper than

just, you know, What's on the surface.

41

Absolutely.

42

So the, the way that we have this

set up is you'll take the three

43

to five statements that you made.

44

And remember when we talked about that,

holding on that, like I was kind of giving

45

the example for me personally, it takes

me a couple, uh, answer a couple questions

46

that I'm answering with that or a couple

statements that I was answering with that

47

holding on to get to the deeper things.

48

So, uh, you might not be like me.

49

So what this means is that look

at those statements that you made.

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Yeah.

51

It was three to five reasons, right?

52

Um, that kept you from handing this

struggle to Jesus thus far, right?

53

Sorry to interrupt.

54

No, no.

55

So, you want to look at those and really

what we're looking for is which one

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has the biggest punch when you read it.

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And there's a reason we do this.

58

All of them are important and,

you know, you wrote them down,

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you spent time thinking about it.

60

But if we're trying to get to this

deeper core, that Matt and I were

61

talking about this a little bit before,

like how to describe this is this is

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a belief that you have about yourself,

that this problem or this struggle hits.

63

And all of us have these different

pieces in the counseling world.

64

We call it a lot of different things.

65

Like you guys may have heard it called

like, core belief, that's a pretty

66

popular one, or like a view of yourself,

um, you know, so those were kind of

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like maybe some popular terms and,

or like a core identity or, you know,

68

but this is something that whenever.

69

There's a struggle that you're having.

70

You have this golden thread that goes

to the center of your heart, and it

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activates, and it hits this part, right?

72

It's like this sweet spot inside us, only

it's not so sweet whenever it gets hit.

73

It hits this, yeah, it hits

this very painful place.

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about something that we

believe about ourselves.

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Right.

76

You know what it almost makes me

start to think of as we're talking

77

about it, the inside out movie.

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Have you seen that one?

79

The new one just came out.

80

I haven't had time to go to

the theaters yet to see it.

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Um, but it's hard to

not relate it to that.

82

Um, when, The whole thing that we're

talking about is this internal process

83

of how we work on the inside with

our feelings, um, with our cognition,

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um, with the way our memory works.

85

And there's so many moving pieces.

86

It's very complex, but you know,

in that movie, there's these

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islands of personality and this

core thread that connects them to

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this, the hive mind of our emotions.

89

Um, and so when that, uh, gets

sprung or, or, um, activated in us.

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It's, it's a bitter feeling, um, in almost

a way that we see ourselves, uh, a part

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of ourself, but not all of who you are.

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Certainly not all of who you are, um,

but a part of how you see yourself, um,

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that you lean into or you rely on to

kind of maybe protect something in you.

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Right.

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Um, that you can't cast

off for some reason.

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Um, But this way of being is the very

thing we believe that keeps you from

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handing this struggle over to the Lord.

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Um, how can I hand this struggle over

to the Lord whenever it's not just a

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behavioral issue or an emotion, but

it's also part of how I see myself.

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Something about who I am.

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Yes.

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As a person.

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An identity piece.

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Yes.

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So, like, when we talk about this forming

statement, the reason that we call it

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that is because we usually start to form

this in our head, usually at a young

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age, and then so many things that happen

in our life just seem to support this.

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And they, uh, as evidenced by, and so

when you're looking at those three to

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five things from the holding on section,

we're asking you to try to notice, right?

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So like open yourself up, open your

body up, uh, and so like what I mean

111

by this and, and, you know, When we are

looking at something, when we're reading

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something and it touches us, right?

113

We have an emotional response that ends

up happening and emotional response.

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We feel it in our head and our body.

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They are parallel systems that happen.

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So whenever I say this, like

open yourself up to it, try to

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notice what happens to your body.

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When you look at these statements

from holding on and whenever one

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of them impacts you the most, like

you might feel it in your gut, you

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might feel it in your shoulders.

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There might be a tension.

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There might be a sinking feeling.

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Right.

124

There might, there's a bodily

sensation that might go on with it

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to help you with that intensity.

126

And then we did the same thing in

the narrow, your focus section.

127

Absolutely.

128

Yeah.

129

And so whenever you have that sensation,

you're like, all right, you want to

130

look at that statement that caused it

from the holding on set section, and

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you want to just be curious about it.

132

What does that statement.

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That has the most emotional punch.

134

What does that say about

you and who you are?

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And this may be something that if you've

done some work before on yourself and some

136

introspection, or you've, you've sought

out a counselor or pastor, you may have a,

137

an idea, and if you haven't, that's okay.

138

You just may have to

sit and think about it.

139

We've provided some common examples.

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This is.

141

Most certainly not an inclusive

list, but you may also read

142

through some of these examples.

143

You, some of them may actually hit you.

144

And so I just want to quickly

read through some of those

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just so that you have an idea.

146

So again, these are just common ones.

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I'm not good enough.

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I am a bad person.

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I do not believe that I can be loved.

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I always mess everything up.

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I do not matter.

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I am a failure.

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So like these core beliefs.

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And so like for, for me,

I did number one, right?

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Uh, I'm not good enough.

156

This is the one that hits me the hardest.

157

This is part of a core belief

that motivates a lot of behavior

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for me, including holding

on to the struggles I have.

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So whenever, whenever we can put

words to that core belief, One, we're

160

hyperlinking it to make it faster for

us to go back to, but two, the whole

161

reason that we're wanting to do this.

162

is so that we can see that this struggle

is linked to a way that we think about

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ourselves, a way that we feel about

ourselves so that we can understand the

164

depth of the emotional intensity that

has made it hard for us to give this up.

165

Yeah.

166

Right.

167

And we started to do that work

in that holding on section.

168

Yeah, we did.

169

And so like, but we want this to, to

make it easy for you so that As we

170

go through this process, one, you'll

probably notice a theme in this, right?

171

These hurts, they come up in other

things, but this will permeate

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some of your own struggle here.

173

And if we can name it, If we could talk

about it, if we have the words to describe

174

it, we can convert it into prayer.

175

We can actually convert it into theme

studies and like reading the Bible.

176

We can begin to grieve that

piece for you and actually ask,

177

well, where did that come from?

178

And is it true about who you are actually?

179

Right.

180

But I don't, I don't know if we can

really confront it before we even grieve

181

it too and understand how did it form?

182

Where did it come from?

183

Where did you learn that?

184

What does it do for you to consistently

go back to that and keep believing it?

185

Because it's doing something for you.

186

And as you were just reading through

those statements, I felt tears coming

187

to my eyes because every single

one of those is just so painful.

188

Yeah.

189

Um, I mean, not one of

those is a good thing.

190

Right.

191

Um, none of those give me

butterflies in my stomach and give

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me that feeling of excitement or

love or joy or peace or comfort.

193

And they're, they're all just

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depressing.

195

Right.

196

Um, and every single one of those, I think

I've thought about myself at some point,

197

every single one of those I see as some

version of a shame belief about yourself.

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That is not true.

199

That is not okay to believe or to think

about yourself, but You, we do anyway,

200

I certainly have moments where I do,

uh, dealing with my shame, dealing

201

with that, that thread that connects

me to this belief about myself is

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not something that you deal with once

in your life and it's gone forever.

203

Um, I have described shame

before as a weed in a garden that

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continuously keeps coming back up.

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No matter how many times you've, um,

Ripped those weeds out of the ground, and

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there are some weeds in our life, some

shame thoughts or beliefs in our life that

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have really, um, you know, short and thin

and weak roots that it's easy to pull up.

208

I've found weeds in my garden that

have been growing for a long time.

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Whenever I try to go rip them out

of the ground, all of the strength

210

that I have, I can not pull them out.

211

And they begin to choke the life out

of other good plants that are growing.

212

Um, and inevitably what I have to do is I

have to begin pruning it, cutting it down,

213

and finally going to get some kind of,

uh, garden tool, shovel or something, and

214

digging out around the roots so that I can

have, um, better leverage to pull it out.

215

Um, and sometimes that's

kind of what we have to do.

216

with these things in our life

that we really do believe about

217

ourself, that are our, our parts

of our identity, who we are.

218

We need more help than just our

pure white knuckling strength.

219

And I think for many of us, we have been

trying to white knuckle our way out of

220

this belief about ourself for a long time.

221

And we can only do that for so long.

222

There's something about naming it for

first of all, thank you for sharing that.

223

And I could see like the

tears start to form your eyes.

224

It's a big deal.

225

And like so often, like whenever

these parts of us get hit, what people

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will normally see us do is go to

some type of protective move, right?

227

We see this all the time in counseling.

228

You guys will see this when

you, when you deal with people.

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Right?

230

Is like, it doesn't feel good.

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Right?

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So like this, like, I'm not good enough.

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It doesn't feel good.

234

So usually what I end up doing is

I'll make some type of an internal

235

excuse or like, let me turn the

situation around on the other person.

236

Or like, let's focus on you or let's

focus on all the things that I do right

237

as a way of trying to combat this.

238

And really what we're trying to do in this

process is allow you to expose yourself to

239

that because then we're going to turn this

into, how do we take this part to God?

240

Right.

241

So, you know, again, just going with

this statement that most closely hits

242

us for me, just to give you a sneak

peek at like where we're wanting to

243

go with this, I'm not good enough.

244

I get the opportunity to lean into

God's word and discover I'm not.

245

There's truth to this.

246

But the most beautiful thing

about this is, it's actually

247

not about me doing enough.

248

And there's a fallacy in that, that

like my works, my, my being good

249

enough isn't the thing that's actually

going to earn me this relationship.

250

It's there, it's open.

251

But I have to understand that

Jesus is making that move and

252

moving towards me, and it isn't

about me not being good enough.

253

It's about me accepting that Jesus wants

to be close and allowing that closeness,

254

not feeling like because I'm less than

that God doesn't want that closeness.

255

It's a paradigm shift that I can

start to walk through, and we'll talk

256

more about this because there's a lot

more depth that even goes in that.

257

It's a paradigm shift that we

introduced because we have words to

258

vocalize it, and that's what we want

to do in this forming statement.

259

Yeah.

260

Absolutely.

261

Um, I think one, as I think about it for

myself, I can just rattle off a few as it

262

relates to the, uh, area of comfort and

pleasure, distraction, um, that I most

263

struggle with, that I'm still working on

trying to hand over to the Lord and make

264

Him my source of comfort and my source

of utmost pleasure and identity always.

265

Um, but I often think that My shaming

statement, or my statement I intended to

266

believe about myself, I go to, I am lazy.

267

Um, I am not smart enough or able enough,

um, to accomplish what needs to be done.

268

Um, I am too weak, um, to be

successful in this endeavor.

269

And if I try Then I will fail.

270

Or, if I try, I will become too anxious

and wind up hurting myself in other ways.

271

Uh, or being too anxious with

people around me, um, and not

272

good in my relationships then.

273

Um, and so, what I'll do is I'll opt then

for the easier route of, well, why try?

274

Why try to go do that thing?

275

Just have an air of, it's okay,

it doesn't matter, no big deal.

276

And I put these blinders on sometimes to

things in my life that need to get done.

277

With this air of, it's all gonna be okay.

278

And then I wind up not getting very

much done, and I wind up still believing

279

about myself, well see, you didn't

accomplish very much, you really are weak.

280

You really aren't good enough or smart

enough or strong enough to do these

281

hard mundane tasks throughout life.

282

It confirms that like not enough.

283

Yeah.

284

And it creates this

loop in my life, right?

285

Of believing the very thing

that I fear about myself.

286

Um, because I have these very tangible

things around me now where I'm kind of

287

creating a self fulfilling prophecy for

myself because I believe this thing about

288

myself, I'm not going to press into the

hard and then There's consequences that

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come from not pressing into the heart.

290

Well, things around me kind of do suffer.

291

Very practical, tangible things.

292

Sometimes it's, it is my

relationships, and it affirms for me.

293

See, this belief that I've

thought about myself is true.

294

Right.

295

And that's the dangerous thing about this

this statement, this belief of part of

296

who you are, um, of why it is so hard to

just change your behavior, change your

297

emotion with this thing that's keeping

you from a closer walk with Jesus,

298

because you keep getting affirmed and

affirmed and validated for yourself.

299

This part of you.

300

that you truly do believe

is bad about who you are.

301

It keeps getting validated

again and again and again.

302

Right.

303

And if we can name it and

like, as you just heard right

304

there, Matt's exploration.

305

So like when you look in the workbook,

we have quite a large section for this.

306

Um, the reason is that way you can

write through some of these thoughts

307

and feelings that you have, because

like, as you write through, or even

308

as you like, talk out loud, right?

309

So the brain can work in different ways.

310

So writing is good.

311

But if you're like, Hey, like,

I know I need to talk out loud.

312

Um, sometimes whenever you do

that, then you actually write the

313

statement that we're looking for.

314

You write the one that's the closest

approximation that like hits the most.

315

That's the one we write.

316

Write it down, circle it, uh,

whenever that happens in the workbook.

317

So we have that space there so that

you can write it out if you need to,

318

or put the memory and then write, write

just your thought processes around with

319

it so that you have that space there.

320

to be able to do so.

321

Right.

322

And then once we have this

forming a statement, we'll move

323

on to the next session, section,

which we'll talk more about.

324

Yeah, that next section, we'll be

a little bit more talking about our

325

experiences, our memories, those

things came to be, those beliefs about

326

ourself, core beliefs came to be.

327

Um, but this is important to be

able to name first, like we've said.

328

Yeah, absolutely.

329

One step after another.

330

Yeah.

331

Yeah.

332

Well, and this is hard stuff.

333

So we appreciate you

joining us for this episode.

334

We appreciate that you guys

downloaded, um, the workbook and

335

that you guys are working through

it because it is tough stuff.

336

Yeah.

337

I think, um, it says a lot about

you if you're able to do that.

338

I'm very brave and courageous to

begin the process of confronting some

339

of the hardest things in your life.

340

What a pleasure and privilege

to walk through this with you.

341

Thank you for joining us today.

342

Um, we love you very much.

343

Hey guys, thank you for tuning in

and giving us a listen today to

344

this episode of handing it to Jesus.

345

Uh, we are a not for profit organization.

346

And we, uh, depend on the donations

of people like yourself so that we

347

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like this and so that we can

348

continue making written content.

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And so we have provided for

you a free workbook that you

350

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Um, you can also find linked

our donation page right below.

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Uh, you can also find those

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Um, we hope that through those donations.

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Um, we ask that you prayerfully

consider partnering with us in that

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way, um, if God lays that on your heart.

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Yeah, and a little more about that.

360

I mean, this is something that I

personally struggle with financially in

361

this like scarcity mindset that Jesus

has been working on with me for quite

362

some time and maybe you're a person

like me that's been suffering in that

363

way and where I see different things

that I want and it always seems like

364

money And one of the things that we

want to let you know is that part of

365

our walk with Jesus is that Jesus gets

us uncomfortable around those things.

366

And so, like, usually what this

looks like for me is I have my

367

eye on something new that I want.

368

And then there's a effort, there is a

mission, there is a front on the kingdom's

369

effort or something that somebody's

doing that I want to put towards.

370

And then I have that,

like, little compassion.

371

Competition that ends up happening

was like, all right, do I want to

372

invest towards the kingdom or do

I want to go towards this product?

373

And that's super common for Christians

to, especially like in our society and

374

today's day and age to compete with.

375

And so if you're hearing this today

and maybe you feel led to give, maybe

376

there's a movement in your heart.

377

Like Matt says, pray about that, take

that to God and act on it immediately.

378

Immediately go to the donation

and whatever God lays on your

379

heart, allow yourself to do that.

380

Because maybe God is actually calling

you to move forward on this front,

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to actually give into this battle,

this, this mission that we have here.

382

And if you don't feel that

call, That's okay too.

383

You can still enjoy the content.

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Others may pave the way,

pave the way for you.

385

There are most certainly times in my life

where things that I really enjoy and and

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that really help me, that others have

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387

You can still enjoy the content and God

may wrestle with you or may call you to

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fight on this front in a different way or

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Or maybe, like Matt said, it's

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Maybe it's giving us a review

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help other believers find this.

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There are so much content in the world

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we consume maybe a little too much.

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And we just want to provide another avenue

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396

Put the focus on that relationship and

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or not it's in the podcast or some of the

written content we have, or some of the

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even ideas that we have for the future.

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So thank you for joining us in

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know about us existing, right?

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Yeah.

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Thank you guys again for tuning in.

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Um, we would greatly appreciate that.

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Um, thank you so much again.

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We love you, we will see you next time.