With a dollop of Daisy sour cream and a dash of anxiety, we’re enduring the burnout and embracing the wisdom, extracting lessons from our experiences and finding inspiration in THE Monster verse (you know which one.) Drawing from our collective wisdom, we touch on the need to value our talents and challenge societal norms that lead us to undersell our abilities. Every ounce of wisdom is a reminder of your inner strength and your power to demand what you deserve. 

We’re exploring a seasonal approach to our own healing, discussing how shifts in nature's rhythms can influence our habits and experiences. This time of year, we dive into shadow work. As we peel back layers of the self, we introduce practices to confront negative spaces and reclaim our power. We'll share some of our shadow work exercises that emphasize self-compassion, understanding triggers, and embracing all aspects of ourselves. 

Lastly, we are not shy about navigating through the uncomfortable and the vulnerable. We confront our fear of asking for help, dissecting how our upbringing impacts our emotional expression and our approach to vulnerability. We discuss the power of speaking up and advocating for ourselves in difficult situations, affirming the importance of being heard. Remember, finding the courage to seek help is not a sign of weakness but an act of self-love and strength. So, join us, sit back, and let's unravel the threads of self-discovery together.

Topics this week include:

• If you dip strawberries or other fruit/sweet/cold stuff into sour cream or if you eat sour cream on your own, please contact us. We’re not mad, we just want to talk.
• Telling old folks just how awful they are and letting the chips fall where they may.
• You can’t unknow stuff, and we be knowin’. Sometimes that hurts.
• If you can command $50k for a verse with no album out, ask for it, because when someone sees your value, they will pay it. Don’t discount your rate for the broke ones that can’t afford you.
• Embracing a seasonal cadence to healing work, healing toolkits, and a virtual healing circle in our NEW PATREON OFFERINGS!
• What is “Shadow Work,” where to start, how to know if you’re ready for it, and a real-time example of jumping in.
• Listening to what resentment is telling us.
• Digging into the messages we internalized, where they came from, and deciding if they’re true or not.
• When the birth plan is to deliver your babies like a feral cat.
• Buying a car is an awful experience.
• Horror movie themes as a societal mirror showing us what we’re afraid of.
• The power of a good apology. 
• Dime bags from Temu.
• Gold stars from therapy and healing work.
• How to find a therapist (thanks, BetterHelp!)

This weeks challenge: make a note when big emotions come up, acknowledge what triggered them in the moment, and begin to see where the patterns are.

Relevant Links:

• Gettin’ Grown Podcast: Casa Bonni ft Bonni Scotch
• Lantern Oracle
• Why Nicki Minaj’s “Monster” Verse Will Forever Be A Revolutionary Pop Culture Moment
• Monster by Kanye West featuring Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Nicki Minaj, and Bon Iver
• Let’s heal (and laugh) together on our Patreon!
• BetterHelp
• ​​Movie Monsters Through the Years: How Does Horror Reflect Historical Fears?
• Astral 𓋹 Pharaoh on Instagram

Find Us:

• Healing Happy Hour on Instagram
• Healing Happy Hour on Patreon
• Healing Happy Hour on Facebook
• Healing Happy Hour Homepage
• Crystal on Instagram
• Vienna on Instagram

Music by FASSounds on Pixabay.

MonIca's here, by the way, Vienna.

She

Like and subscribe!

said, like, and subscribe.

She's like, I have.

Do your kids say that?

No.

Do you know what they've been saying lately?

They've been going avocados from Mexico

we've been watching a lot of Paw Patrol because that's Birdie's thing lately,

and it's on Paramount Plus, and they have ads, there's a commercial for sour cream

and in the commercial she like dips the strawberry in sour cream and now Nate,

every time he sees it is like, do you ever dip your strawberries in sour cream?

Can we

an atrocity.

don't eat strawberries, so I don't know what you're about to do

Is this the Daisy, the Dollop of Daisy commercial?

Yes, it is.

I would never do something as abominable as dipping my strawberry into

that.

But, I would dip it into a little Chantilly cream.

If

I like that.

I

you happen to have any laying around.

Like, I don't even understand people who would put like,

creme fraiche on their shit.

but like, you know, for a while or maybe it's still a thing and I've just turned

that part of my brain off but diet culture was big into using Greek yogurt

for everything was like replace sour cream with Greek yogurt and Greek yogurt is

actually pretty good with strawberries.

But it's so like, it's like,

is Daisy just reclaiming that,

it's like white trash Greek yogurt.

it's like you know what, how about a nice little bowl of some sour cream

with your granola here, how about that?

That's disgusting.

They're trying to convince us it's the same flavor profile

and I feel like Daisy is like,

you want it so fucking bad, okay, alright,

like, it's like,

Throw this in

that like Hellman's is mayonnaise.

It is not mayonnaise.

Mm hmm.

It's something else.

It's something else.

And that's, that's that.

That's all I'm

I feel like Daisy is just like, you know what?

Throw this in your acai bowl, okay?

Put some sour cream in there.

They're not, but they feel like they're different temperatures to me.

And I think it's because like sour cream you eat with hot stuff.

It's the cooling effect of

It's like

on an enchilada or like a burrito.

So I think of it as something warm and like melty.

don't want that cross pollinating with what I do with my Greek yogurt.

Well, with the Greek yogurt, I

But I also think hot, hot Greek yogurt sounds nasty.

I don't want hot

That sounds disgusting.

It's not a custard.

You know what I mean?

Like, that's not...

I very much know what you mean.

You are 1000 percent

I'm having a lot of strong reactions to, like, eating sour cream on

its own., why are we doing that?

Can we just do what we do?

Can we just have, like, can we not do that?

we cannot do that.

I mean, you and I can certainly.

I think I want to talk to somebody

Who's done it?

who's done it,

Monica, have you ever dipped your shit into a sour cream?

but inappropriately.

what are we dipping in sour cream?

Like fruit?

No, why would I do that?

Okay, but has she, did she buy into When people were using Greek

yogurt in place of sour cream.

Like,

I mean, my mom tried to do that once when she was trying to cut carbs and stuff.

Her mom be like that though.

Her mom be, you know.

Diet culture really had us...

We're recording right?

Yes.

Okay.

We are.

We're just vibing.

We're vibing.

Um, well, hi, how are you?

I'm, I'm doing well.

I am a little tired.

Okay.

Work is making me work this week.

Not okay.

And the day, the week just started.

So work is really making me work.

We have this ongoing week long workshop thing happening.

And, um, I just, I'm up at like five.

And so last night I went to bed, like I said, like in the middle

of our text conversation, it was probably like, what, like eight 30.

Woke up with the TV on blast light on.

You

was like, trying to build an entire website.

Which, uh, HealingHappyHourPod.

com, check it out.

But, and also style you a whole new wardrobe.

Were literally helping me build a brand new look like.

It was so cute though, I

It was really cute.

And I think I, that jacket you sent by the way, I'm like,

That little red one.

one that I can't afford yet.

I know.

That's J.

Crew.

50 percent off though right now,

This does J.

Crew have sizes for the big ones?

I can't remember.

I think they go up to like 24 or something.

Oh, I didn't know yeah, I was exhausted.

So I passed out.

And that's kind of how my week is going, but it's not bad.

It's just, it's just tiring.

But like otherwise fairly decent, I've been getting good sleep obviously

as a result of me being exhausted.

So

that.

that's that's what really matters.

That's key.

Yeah.

So like, you know, not too bad.

How about you?

What's been cracking over in your world?

I have been, like, in rare form this week.

I had a, quite a session with my therapist today.

I think the burnout that we talked about last week has really tipped from like

the disassociation into just full on anxiety where I'm like, my brain cannot

find a place to settle and that voice, my little inner hater, that stupid hater

bitch, has really gotten quite a toe hold in there and um, yeah, that's the thing

that's really driving the car lately.

uh, yeah.

I got some good insight, so what we're going to try to do this week

is personify that tiny hater voice.

stomp her on her neck.

Yeah, so like give her a name, like maybe she's a combination

of a couple people I knew.

One of them will definitely be my third grade teacher who

was a big old bitch to me.

And part of my conversation today I was like, do you think she's dead?

And my therapist was like, I mean maybe, how old is she?

And I was like, I think she.

is probably dead.

But if she's not, I would like to write her a letter and tell her

what a fucking bitch she was and that I think she's an awful person.

That's how, I love me after a grade teacher, but my second grade teacher,

that's literally how I feel about her.

well, here's why I love my therapist.

Because she's like, I think you should.

She was like, I think like, and I

her

Facebook page and like write on it, be like, Hey, remember you were a huge bitch.

she I was like, isn't that like fucked up to do to somebody who is

like an old person and about to die.

And she was like, you don't owe her anything.

She was the one that was an asshole to a third grade kid.

Like,

Girl.

And that's right.

Give her something to ponder on her way out.

I was like, you know what, maybe I will write her a nasty little note just to tell

her that, like, she really fucked me up.

And the stuff that she said to me when I was eight years old,

I'm still carrying with me today.

Regardless, personifying the tiny inner voice in my head, um, and just like really

giving it a like, every time I hear it in my head to be like, Hey, I don't want

to say the name of the, the, combination

Hey teacher.

but like, hey, um, you really suck.

And apparently she was saying that that really helps because

it separates that voice from you.

So like, it's not you anymore and you're not owning that as yourself.

You're like, it's somebody else and you're able to like, start to

make a little more of a divide.

So that's what I'm doing this week.

That's good.

That's very like,

I was

that's big growth stuff.

Yeah.

I needed.

I was like, I need, I needed like a tangible thing like that.

Because.

Yeah, that voice has really just been driving,

It's a good action item.

Yeah, I was like,

Yeah.

We've got to, we've got to stomp her.

We've got to stomp her out because we cannot let her get

a foothold in these streets.

Right?

I was like, I've done too much.

I've worked too hard to get ahead of that.

I

don't need any of

that nonsense.

Yeah.

And you know, we've been talking a lot this week about how we're

both like, let's not, let's not backtrack on the work we've done.

Seriously.

the faith that like, we've made these changes and the universe will,

everything will fall into place.

But

It will.

You know, I always try, I hate it because I, sometimes like old people phrases

they piss me off, but they are right.

Like when they're like, you know, you might not always get what you

want, but you get what you need.

Um, my favorite is, uh, God's delays are not his denials.

You can interchange that with whatever you call God, but I'm

like, I firmly believe that.

Um, because I think I've had lots of evidence of it, like throughout life.

So, um, you know, like things will fall into place.

And if we think back by a few months.

Even we can see where they have so mm

yeah, I know, I was like, even if I think back, like, a year ago, I was

like, when I left my job, the sessions, like, what we were talking about was

like, Maybe I want to be a carpenter.

Maybe I want to be an electrician.

I don't know what I want to do.

Maybe I want to go to beauty school.

I don't know what I want to do.

And I don't even know what I like to do.

I don't know who I am.

And I think in the past year and four months or whatever it's

been since I left that 9 to 5,

I've like started to find those answers.

And just because now I have the answers, it doesn't mean that like

immediately things start happening.

I still have to like go down that road of letting things come together.

And

because there's some reconciliation you have to do between your expectations and

where you are and what you want going forward and where you are, there are

just so many things that are layered,

mhm.

know, that you have to kind of sort through.

And there's no point in stressing yourself out about it because this is

the process by which you find out like what you like, what you don't like.

that's where the magic really happens too.

I mean, we've talked about it so much that like, you take the first thing

that comes along, because you're like, oh, this is the answer to it.

And it's like, you don't even know where that path leads, right?

Like, there's, it's, it just gets better.

And it's better than you can ever dream it's going to be.

So maybe don't rush into that first thing.

Because

Yeah.

I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts earlier and someone on the

podcast was saying that like, it's, you know, obviously probably capitalism

that's like, okay, well, what do you want to do when you grow up?

And that's the thing that you do.

And I have always been like, why do you need to adhere to one thing?

Especially if you're creative, why do you need to adhere to one thing?

Part of the reason why I always encourage people like do for the sake

of doing not for any expectation of it.

It might not be that thing, but there might be something associated a hobby

or something you're doing that you end up being like, you know what I really

love about this, this aspect, and that could be your thing, or you could have

like five things, you just never know.

I think if you remain open, we'll find that there are multiple things we

really love that make us who we are.

Some of, my favorite things that I've done, both for work and just,

like, as jobs I've had, were things that I didn't even know existed as

jobs before I got started in them.

I believe that,

found my way to it.

So if I had set out to, create my adulthood or, my 10 year plan,

I don't even think I, I couldn't, there's no way I could have done it.

you sit down and you're like, what is my dream life going to be?

And it's going to be even better, because there's things you don't even

know about that you can work in there.

you know, and don't you wish we would have like heard that when we were younger?

It would have been like, Hey, these are some unknown things

for you to look forward to.

Oh

it would have been so boring, I think, if it played out exactly

as I thought it was going

to, or that I wanted it to.

I think I would have, checked that box and been like 25 and been like, okay.

What next?

Yeah, like, this is it.

And you know what you

do when you have all those things that fall into place and it's boring?

You self sabotage.

And you do really stupid shit, and you get into trouble,

because it's boring.

So I think I would have made it worse.

So, so that's where we're at.

That was a great therapy

Oh my God.

just right now, I feel like that was another good therapy session

with you.

Thank you.

It's always a little, a little bite.

Speaking of, um, things that can add to your therapy.

If you remember a few weeks back, we used the Lantern Oracle, which I said

was my favorite deck for shadow work.

Shadow work.

which will be relevant to our conversation today.

Whilst I shuffle Vienna, why don't you tell us about the

wisdom that we've gleaned from Nicki Minaj in the last few days?

And listen, Nicki can be mad problematic, but this is one thing, what Nicki, I feel

like she don't, she sometimes forgets like her talent and This bar that she made

is such a bar.

50k for a verse, no album out.

Like, This, this person who, who Nikki was at that moment of truly

like, one of the best verses.

Period.

Not best female verses, not best verses like in that time, like truly one of the

best verses that has dropped in Monster.

Like for me that is a Nicki Minaj song featuring Jay Z, Kanye, Rick Ross,

She would probably agree.

Yeah.

I don't disagree,

But like.

how young she was, how green she was, how new to the game she was,

and she knew her fucking worth

unapologetically.

Like, not only did she know it and bill accordingly, She flaunted that shit

and was like, yes, ten times your pay.

I'm the rookie?

Like, yeah, that's what

you want this,

you want this on your, on your track.

And I feel like as women, obviously we sell ourselves short a lot,

especially professionally.

I can tell you there are at least two people in this room over here in my house.

Who are far more talented than they give themselves credit for.

One of them is me, the other one is sitting on the couch.

And her name is Monica Reed.

So anyway, um, I say that because I feel like every woman, almost every woman I

know has the relatable experience of Deep down, knowing, like having the feeling in

their gut, like, I really, I know my shit.

I studied this really hard.

This is important to me or whatever.

And still, because of just the outside world, because of patriarchy, because

of everything, um, we downplay our talent, our skills, our creativity.

Um, we make light of our solutions and what we bring to the table.

And we're very, very afraid to ask for our worth.

And, um, we really got to get that together because the men are

average, the men are average, if even, if they are even average.

Spoiler alert, barely.

I Sent my friend a job posting today for something she's never done before.

Like, at all.

Not even a little bit.

But she was like, I don't think I'm qualified for that.

I was like, that's a minor detail.

Like, what the fuck does that have to do with truly anything?

Qualified, shmalified.

let somebody else take you out of the pool.

Why are you gonna take yourself out?

Like, you might as well.

This reminds me that,

your shit in

William sent me this job listing for here in Howard County.

They're looking for, like a museum manager.

For their African American history museum, something like that.

And it's like, you know, have, um, like a master's degree experience

and such and such and such.

And I was like, yeah, I, I, I studied that.

That was my minor Africana studies in college, undergraduate.

Um, a thousand years ago and I was like, but I haven't really done any relevant

work around like museum programs and like, you know, William was like, what

kind of qualifications do you need?

You have master's degree.

You're black.

Like, I was

You're checking all those boxes, and honestly, like, if they don't at least

interview you, that's, that's racist

mean, when he said it, I was like, but also like just good, good insight

into, um, the way men are like.

Like they barely qualify for something and will, they will always oversell themself,

not oversell, but they will always sell themselves.

They are, they have no qualms about being like, I don't know

how to do that exact job, but

let me tell you how your little marketing friend here is gonna

spin that for your cover letter while you apply for this, which

obviously you're gonna get, it's a, it's a given.

You have an authentic lived experience, my friend.

Amen.

That's what we call that.

It is an authentic lived experience.

Combined with your master's degree and your many qualifications,

you have a lived experience.

It's true.

There is, it's about the only thing I know how to do.

yeah.

And

I barely know how to pay my taxes.

So,

S.

if you do not hire me, that's racist.

also, that point.

Get, get that lawsuit ready.

Amen to that.

But yeah, I do love that point.

Um, yeah, we've gotta like, we've gotta start tootin tootin our

horns a little bit about ourselves.

I did also bring up Nikki to my therapist today, and she

was like, Yeah, Nikki's right.

I was

She is right.

you.

You are a great therapist.

She was like, Nikki Minaj was 100 percent right.

She

She's correct.

Yeah.

She knew, she knew what was up.

Well, okay.

Let's do this

I was like, we cannot progress without talking about that

because

know.

I want everyone to just pause this podcast.

Come back to it, but like, you can pause it.

Listen to that verse again.

And then like, send some emails asking for a raise, asking for, just

ask for whatever you want and then

Asking for resources, asking for help, like something that you

know damn well that you deserve.

Okay?

All right.

We're just gonna tap in a little bit.

Just ask our I want to be a guide and non shitty Wooty Tooth City ancestors.

Be with us.

Give us a word as we go into shadow work season because

baby, we just have a new moon.

Scorpio new moon is here.

So what do they want us to know?

Where, where do we focus okay.

Transitions.

You have all of the inner resources you need to cross whatever

bridges arise on your path.

I mean, listen.

When spirit.

listens into our conversations.

I get very, very excited when, when spirit spills some hot tea that is in abundance

and in alignment with our topics, literally what we're just talking about.

Okay.

is a, this was a season of transformation, 110%.

that email, right?

You sent that email, asking for the things you want that you are well prepared for.

Because the transition is you like, let's leave behind the doubting hater

ass version or voice in you, right?

So this says that I'm going to skim it a little bit, but, um,

transitions transitioning takes as long as it takes to adapt to a

new circumstances or perspectives.

The tension of not being able to turn back.

And not knowing how to adjust effectively to what is new can be disconcerting.

There can be varying degrees of pain, resistance, and inner turmoil

as we struggle to break free from our former self into a new way

of life and version of ourselves.

Until we figure out how all that is new to us works and reconcile

ourselves with it, it can be difficult to trust others as well as ourselves.

At these points of no return, we can either freeze, fight,

or if we can do something about what has already happened, grow.

Stepping or being thrust over a new threshold requires courage.

There are no guarantees that familiarizing ourselves with our new direction

will yield anything amenable to us.

All that we can do is give life our best by being in the moment and

putting 100 percent into effectively dealing with whatever presents itself.

We learn as we go.

Once we know better, we do better.

A word, okay?

Transitions are raw and unstable periods that require time and

patience to adjust and recalibrate.

. Understand that a return to what is past is not possible.

Whoo!

A word!

The reality of it no longer exists for you.

Another word.

However, to complete the process of transition, you must choose

to leave and let go of what was.

Wow.

The sooner you own the departure and reconcile yourself with whatever the

change is, Vienna the smoother and briefer your period of transition will be.

Okay.

So the message from the crown here is that transitions are blessings

rarely recognized as such at the time.

Okay.

And this, um, this really encourages us to be gentle with ourselves while

we find a new rhythm and a new routine and a new way of doing things and to

really reflect, um, about the kind of wisdom that we've gotten from where

we came from as we move forward.

Oh,

A banger.

that.

I got to keep that up.

back to you, like, I'm going to listen to you say that every day this week.

I'm going to play this back to myself.

It's on point.

Yeah, that hit,

that hit hard.

I especially like the part that was like, you can't go back

because it doesn't exist anymore.

Because I think I've been like, maybe I take the easy way and

I do the thing I already know.

But I wasn't happy there.

, now that I know that I wasn't happy there.

It's like the veil's been lifted.

You, you

Now you can't go back.

You can't unsee or unexperienced what you've experienced.

right?

Like you, when you're in it and you know it's not right, but like you

haven't quite identified what isn't right, the box just feels too small.

Like it feels tight.

It's constraining.

It's constricting.

And then once you're out of that box, you can't, it's like

trying to unscramble an egg.

Like you, it's just.

It's literally toothpaste out of the tube.

You can't, and you're not meant to.

And I think that that's, that's the, um, I think that's where like some grieving

comes in, you know, like you have to um, Grieve like things that you no longer have

even if they were like not the best things for you You still have to grieve them.

And it's

you've transitioned away from them.

like a grieving of knowledge, like grieving that you're not as ignorant

as you were because in some ways it was easier just to be a little ignorant about.

Yeah

like, let me, let me just be like a stupid hoe.

I don't want to know anything.

I know too many things.

I have to think about too many things all day, but it really is that it's

just like, I wish I was just like a stupid little bitch who didn't have to

know anything and have done all this work because sometimes that was easier.

you if I had a dollar every time I thought that like especially since like

having you know Some kind of spiritual awakening or i've been like wouldn't it

be nice if I could like sleep without You know, disturbance or like, I'll

say disturbance, but like, you know, if things were the way they were before

and there's no way, like we can all pretend, but, and I think that's a lot.

It's like when you started your other healing journeys, when you start a

therapy, you know, you can't unknow.

it.

Yes, we just said that at the same time.

We cannot unknow it, though.

can't unknow it

because you'd be knowing, you know,

we be knowing.

Yes, that should be the alternate title

of this podcast.

we'd be knowing.

Mm hmm.

I like that by the way

That was cute.

I also had, uh, cackles and connection.

laughter

Cackles and connection with Crystal and Vienna.

it's like the unhinged version of SNL, like Coffee Talk or

Oh my god.

That's literally what I was just thinking of

Cackles and Connections.

I keep thinking of like Dana Carvey's face

Yeah, for like the little ratchet set, like us.

Yes.

I love it.

Oh my God.

Ugh, thank you though, that, thank you, Crystal, thank you, Spirit.

Needed that message, just a little bit

Yes.

Two snaps for spirit.

Um, what else before we get into, oh, we, we launched something.

Tell them about the beauty.

this is a hard launch then I was gonna say like, let's soft launch this in the world.

But

really

think it.

launch, it's big news.

Yeah,

officially are Patreon official, we're Patreon live.

We have so much for you over there.

Taking it from just this couple hours a week into a whole lot more content

and really bringing you and all your peeps and all your feels into it.

And it's going to be amazing.

There's a couple of different options for people to join us,

but Crystal, do you want to talk about our seasonal healing guides?

That's, I, that's the thing I'm so excited about.

I know you are

I am too.

I am.

I want to put into practice that as we move through the year and as we

move through the different seasons that our healings be adjusted as such.

That's a very big thing.

And obviously I'm not like the first person to think of that.

That is how many cultures and, um, Um, different practices do it and it makes

perfect sense and it's why we're going to talk about what we're talking about today

because we are in the season at that.

So when we are going to be working with our Patreon, we're gonna be providing

some goodies there that are very much in relation to what we're gonna be talking

about here on the podcast as it pertains to these seasonal healing approaches.

So for example today, we're gonna be talking about shadow work.

And this is truly shadow work season.

It lasts, you know, all throughout the winter months.

It's really just ramping up here for us as we move through fall.

And there are going to be some really good resources on our Patreon

to Assist with your shadow work.

We'll talk a little bit about those later, but definitely

want to look for those things.

Every season we're going to have things that are specially geared

towards our theme, if you will.

And I think that it's going to be a really nice thing to move people towards

Approaching their living in that seasonal manner because like my thing is like we

are all still animals and all the animals abide by these different things that

they do from season to season for their health, for their survival, and I just

think it would be really amazing if we as humans could get back to that as well.

Instead of pumping it hard all year round.

We're not built that way.

We are.

We are built to abide by the seasons as well.

So that's something that I'm really excited about diving

into and working with people.

On that through our podcast,

Yeah.

Yeah.

So that tier specifically, if you're looking for those types of goodies

is the Growth Mindset Goddess.

Um, and that includes the Seasonal Healing Toolkit.

So each quarter or each season, like Crystal was saying, you get a full

toolkit to support the healing journey.

Um.

And it includes so much stuff, so there's curated resources, readings,

rituals, exclusive worksheets, journaling prompts, potentially like

meditations, a whole bunch of different things based on whatever that theme is.

So for the winter, yes, shadow work, shadow season.

Lots of goodies and you're not alone either because in that tier also then

you're accessing a monthly virtual healing circle where we'll all be

working on these things together.

We can connect in real time, share progress, connect with each other, and

just feel more supported and uplifted as a community because we've heard

from you and you are all so beautiful and wonderful and I'm loving hearing

your journeys individually but I think we can Go even further together, so,

power in sharing.

There's power in sharing a lot of what we're going through, the things that we're

tackling, um, no matter how, um, isolating some of these journeys can feel, um, one

thing that I have learned in my experience is that there is no journey that is

truly in isolation, I think we're all going through a variation of something.

So to hear other people speak about it is there's some power in that

and there's healing in that alone.

If you did nothing else to be able to put words and energy to your story

and also find ways to transmute some of that can be a really powerful form

of, um, or agent of change for you.

So we hope that you will join us.

I thought Tara, because

if you're wondering, if you're wondering what the vibe is going

to be there, don't worry, it's going to be just like it is here.

It's still going to be deeply unserious.

I predict a lot of laughter and being silly and probably talking about

Nicki Minaj and Cheesecake Factory,

a letter to the teacher that you hate the most and

yeah.

send it.

And if she's, and if she is not dead, we will hand deliver it as, as a pack.

We're gonna show

Send us your letters.

We'll hand deliver it to your teacher.

We're gonna, we're gonna go.

We're gonna like, pound up on her door and be like, yeah.

Um,

that's actually the, the first December event, so, you know.

Uh,

Along with the Lexus December to remember savings, but anyway,

you know how to work it in there.

we're gonna curb stomp an old woman.

Ha ha ha ha!

always talking about that.

board.

Um, yeah, but you can check that out on our Patreon, which is also at

our brand new website linked there.

You can find a whole lot more over there.

Healing happy hour pod.

com also then for emails there.

Uh, so you can be the first one to find out about all new stuff, special

offerings, little bonus freebies.

Like I said, we're in that flow state or hyper focus and just

turning out the goodies for you guys.

So, uh, get on board.

And we love you.

With all that being said, should we get into it?

Let's get into it.

Tell me everything about shadow work.

Well, I'm not going to tell you everything, but I will tell you, what

it is for me and how I like to use it.

So, I feel like shadow work has a very bad, we hear shadow, you think, you do,

you think darkness, maybe it conjures some images of something malicious,

um, but it's truly not the case.

Shadow work is necessary, and, I guarantee you, if you were talking

about your problems, In therapy, you're probably doing some shadow work.

If you are asking yourself, why am I the way that I am?

Congratulations.

That is to me, like the first question that you ask, why am I this way?

I think is the strongest opener, of questioning into shadow work.

So in my opinion, and this is me and lots of people will have different.

definitions of what they think this is.

But to me, it is an examination of the unseen, the subconscious, the often hidden

or tucked away, um, or even sometimes shameful parts of ourselves that we, we

put so far down that we don't want to look at them, but they are driving a lot of our

actions, our emotions, and our feelings.

And to look at them allows us to take the power back from a

negative place and begin to heal.

A lot of our wounds come from those shadow places, and we have to look at the source.

We have to look at the why.

And to me, the process of shadow work is looking at the why.

How did we get here?

Why do we feel the way that we feel?

And asking ourselves some specific questions around some of our behaviors

and experiences so we can get a better understanding of how those

things that we have pushed very, very far down are affecting the way

we walk through life today, because I guarantee you, you got them.

Everybody has them.

Okay.

So this season I think is really, really important for that work.

As we get into these months where things are a little bit colder, a little bit

darker, like this is the earth shadow period, you know, for us anyway,

here, um, this is our shadow period.

We're going to be inside.

We're going to have a lot of extra time.

And I think sometimes, For me anyway, what kind of contributes to some of

that seasonal depression is like I can hear it creeping up and a lot of it is

like a little bit of that sadness and sometimes we have to sit with that.

What feels like that dark energy.

To understand maybe some things in our life that we're not so proud

of or happy with and how we can change them again by looking at the

source of where these things come from, what stems from this energy.

So I have some very like specific things that I like to do in this kind of work.

Oh, tell me.

The first of them being like, one thing I want to say is be very gentle.

This isn't what I want to say that shadow work is not to me is an

opportunity for you to pick yourself raw.

and point out all the things that you think suck about yourself.

That is not the intent of this.

The intent in looking at some of these aspects of ourself is Really in an

effort to give ourself grace, we have to have some awareness about some of

these things that we've pushed aside and how they affect us in our lives today,

and they could, it could be anything.

It could be sort of old source of trauma or, you know, childhood

trauma, things of that nature that that come up for us now as adults.

And it's not for us to pick ourselves apart.

It is for us to look at it and say, Hey, I understand why I'm triggered by this.

How can I start to unpack this?

And how can I be gentle with myself while I do that?

Because what's the point of re traumatizing yourself all over

again by picking yourself apart?

And this is where that, if you know better, you do better comes in.

Because that's a part of it.

Yeah, so I think what popped up for me there is like, alright, so we start

to do a little bit of that digging, really ask yourselves like, why?

Why am I doing this?

Why is this coming up?

Why am I feeling this way?

Is the intent there then to fix it so we don't do it anymore, or

are we just sort of integrating that side of us with a little more

understanding, a little more compassion?

I feel like

right?

it is certainly process.

I have a shadow work guide that I'm going to actually share on our Patreon.

So please be on the lookout for that.

I created a few years ago and it's not a super long one, but it's just

a really good introduction to it.

So I think that it truly can be a combination of both things.

I think there are absolutely things buried within us that we do want to

embrace that can help protect ourselves.

But then there are also things that, that could destroy us just as well.

So for example, one of the things that I discovered through lots and

lots of shadow work was just the amount of people pleasing that I

have done over the course of my life.

There's so many things that came up for me while I started to work through that.

Like when did this start for me?

Um, obviously it started with some, familial relationships and having

the kind of personality where I really wanted to keep peace.

And so I would walk on eggshells, just trying to make sure I was

keeping peace, not, stirring up too much dust or too much trouble being

agreeable where I could be agreeable.

Right.

And so that created for me.

Some very non existent boundaries.

So like you're going, you're going into adulthood, operating the

same way as you did as a child.

And now you're finding that your boundaries are so porous that literally

they're non existent, everything gets in.

And you're resentful because of it.

You feel like you're maybe even a little bit bitchy when you're doing something

because you don't want to say no.

Why don't you want to say no?

What feels so uncomfortable about it?

Maybe is it because you're mirroring a dynamic that you had?

Ages ago as a child when you were trying to people please and keep

your parent happy or sibling happy or some other familiar relationship.

Could that possibly be the case?

And if we know that about ourself and we know that we are people pleasers and so we

will like go at a hundred and ten percent.

Until we are depleted, what does that do to our relationships now

with our spouses, with our friends, with our family members at work?

And we see that, um, very much play out in, in burnout that, that, you know,

a lot of it comes from that place.

And then one of the responses we have is to just become very

resentful of the amount of energy that we spend on other people.

In some cases, no one even asked us to do anything.

We are just so used to saying yes.

and people pleasing that we don't even notice that we're doing it.

And so harnessing maybe some of that energy, or we feel like

we're angry about it is the push we need to set some boundaries.

And that's the hard part.

That's the work.

So like a lot of the questions, for example, in this guide are really

meant to have you take a look at like where this stems from and so that

you say like, okay, I know for sure this is something I need to address.

Now I need to figure out how I set new boundaries so that I'm

not running ragged trying to make other people happy all the time.

that makes so much sense.

I also was thinking, sounds like resentment might be a good...

place to start exploring.

I was so out of touch with my own emotions for so long that was

really one of the first things I had to tackle in therapy was like,

I don't even, I don't have feelings.

I've numbed myself because I wasn't, I'm not allowed to feel potentially

negative things, shut them down.

I don't have them.

It doesn't happen.

So I might not understand when I'm angry because I'm, I've, become

really, academic about a feeling.

It's like, oh, this thing just happened.

A person should feel this way.

But also let me rationalize that and talk my way around it.

Like, that's how I experience emotions.

And I've had to just sort of get myself into feeling them.

But I know when resentment is starting to creep up.

And even that might be in like a more rational, logical way where it's

like, Oh, if this keeps happening, I'm going to feel a lot of resentment.

But for me, that feels like a It's the easiest place to start

of saying like, all right, here, here's something that's coming up.

Maybe this is a good way in to start doing some of that unpacking.

What do you think?

Where, where do you think is a good place to start?

I think to start there, like right, right.

As you said, to start into like, again, the why, why do I feel this

way and where did it come from?

And sometimes you might not always be able to walk it back all that far.

But if you can, if you recognize the emotion, you've got to look at it.

If you ignore it, it will continuously pop back up again.

So identifying it for what it is and maybe even.

Naming it aloud, I think, helps it to become less scary, but every time

that you, that it comes up for you, if you can identify what the trigger

is, right, identify the trigger and walk yourself through, like,

why do I, why am I so triggered?

So, for example, Um, you know, you have a family, you work with all of these

different things and it's like, oh my god, I can't have one more thing on my plate.

But say, I'm just using this as a very general example, um,

Ronnie, so please don't think I'm like picking on you you, Ronnie.

Um,

But like say like your mom calls and she's like, Vienna, I

like, I really need to do this.

I'm sorry.

I know you're busy like and you're just like and you're so fucking angry

about it, but you're going to do it, but you're angry and you're pissed.

You're bitching.

It's like it is.

It's not this thing like you want to do from your heart because

like you love your mom anymore.

You're just fucking mad because everybody always comes to you.

You always say yes because well, if you don't, what else is what else can you do?

Like then they won't have it.

What's going to happen?

You know what I mean?

Like you put yourself in this place where it's like, like I'm indispensable,

but I'm so fucking mad about it.

You know what I mean?

And it's like, well, why, why did you feel like you had to do it?

If you had no room on your plate for it, why did you feel like you couldn't say no?

Were you afraid that you were going to disappoint someone?

Are you historically used to having someone like get in your

shit when you tell them no?

What, what are the consequences, the perceived consequences of you not

saying no or of you saying no or not?

such a good one.

Let's like unpack this in real time so people can kind of have a little bit

more understanding of the process of it, because I'm also thinking this too.

So.

I think a surface level and like kind of what I would do in the past is like,

I'm mad because she asked me to do something, but that's not really it.

Like, that's not why I'm mad.

Maybe I would have loved to do that thing and I'm mad I said

yes to the other 10, 000 things.

I'm like this, that's the thing I really want to do.

I want to help my mom.

I don't want to do all these things that I've over committed

and overextended myself to do.

So then I guess the next logical question is.

Why did I do those other things?

And I, I think I do a lot of that stuff.

Like the, um, just the overextending, overcommitting.

And stuff that's not bad, right?

Like, a

just too much of it.

Right, and I think I commit to doing those things because in my mind, it's

like, this is what a good person would do.

They would do all those things.

They would be part of a community.

And then even to walk that further, well, now I'm upset because

I feel like I've created this vision of what I'm supposed to be.

Or what like a good person is supposed to be right and I want to be a good

person and I am not able to execute it the way I visualize that, but like,

I'm the one that made that up or I

Or did you?

There's, so that's something that you probably have reinforced, right?

But where, but who told you, or where did you learn along the way?

Don't say who told you, but like, where did you learn along the way

that what it meant to be, um, a good community member meant never saying no.

And why, why would that be?

Because what would the real reaction be if you were like, I am, I cannot, I'm just

at my max this week, but here's what I can do, or, but next time, I'm happy to,

you know, see, see what's possible for me.

And is it true, do you know it to be true, that someone would be like,

fucking bitch, she didn't help, like, she ain't in the community.

No, like that, that is not likely to happen, right?

So where did we learn along the way that it was not okay

for us to state what we needed?

And to not honor what we need in the moment, to not

exhaust ourselves, you know,

I'm just thinking about like this play group right like this this like in my mind

because I also had an injury last week.

I couldn't go to this play group.

I had to go to the doctor and said it was.

It's fucking agony.

I was miserable last week.

I felt so much guilt about not going to this playgroup because I was like, what

if I was supposed to bring something?

What if they were relying on me?

And I think if I had realistically said, I cannot go because I'm

underwater, I'm injured, I can't move.

I'm having a really hard time.

I think I, based on what I would do for someone else in that situation.

I think that's when I would have given that community an

opportunity to rally for me.

Or they could have then turned around and said like, Oh my gosh, how can we help?

Let us know, like, do you need us to bring you something?

But I, uh, and I think a lot of people are so committed to not needing

things, because that's part of the visual of that good person who just

gives, does not need to receive.

And it's such bullshit.

And I'd like, so

over

it, it is bullshit.

And what it does is robs you of the opportunity to have that community,

um, come, come and help you.

And, uh, I'm telling you that somebody here in the room also named

Monica, um, really helped me, um, Help like reminded me a lot of that.

Um, initially when I moved a couple months ago, um, because I am so used

to being like, and I did not get it.

I was a mess.

And, um, she was like, you need to tell people like when you need help.

And I'm like, why am I like this?

Why, why am I like this?

who told you that?

Yeah, like who told me that I couldn't ask for help and no one had to tell

me but it was the way that You know, like for example I tend to when I get

upset about things I tend to go, I'm such a cancer, I go right back in my

shell because I need to kind of process.

Sometimes I'm not really good at speaking aloud.

I'm getting better at it.

But speaking about my, my emotions or how I feel about things, I can

be a little avoidant about it.

Because it was not common practice in my household growing up to be

really vocal about your emotions.

Um, is a matter of fact, there was there was often punishment for that.

So when you grow up, um, you know, in an environment where you don't feel like

it is safe for you to express yourself, or, um, you know, when you, when you do

say like, I'm sad, angry, such and such and such and such and so on invalidates.

that you learn over time, not to talk to anybody about your shit, not to,

um, acknowledge your anger or your grief or you're upset about different

things or just your emotions, period.

Sometimes even your joys because.

You didn't, you, you were not allowed to do that.

So that those are like, those are things that I arrived at through the shadow work.

Why don't I ask for help?

Why do I not feel comfortable, um, talking about how I'm feeling?

But I would, I would do it for other people.

And like, remembering that, like, I would never tell my

friend, like, Ah girl, you aight.

You know what I mean?

Like, with all of these things, um, and like, I would want, um, to the best of

my ability to hold space for someone.

Why would I not want someone to extend that same love to me?

Why do I feel like I wouldn't deserve it?

You know?

really beautiful.

Um, I, the, so this, this past week when I was injured, it was

the first time in my entire life, like all 27 years, cause I'm 27,

Baby.

I've called my doctor and said I'm in pain.

I've never done that before.

And my mom was like, she came over and helped.

She like, thank you, my mama, always.

But she was like, you don't do this, like, this is not you.

So if you are asking for help and like asking for a

doctor, you're really in pain.

And even now as you're talking, I'm thinking when people are talking about

like birth plans when you're, when you're going to give birth, I always

joked about like, it wasn't a joke.

I wanted to give birth like a cat, like I wanted to go under somebody's

porch and just like emerge with my babies and be like, here you go.

And

Look what I brought you.

yeah, I want to be like, here it is.

And like truly the reason why I wanted to do that is because I was so uncomfortable

being vulnerable in front of other people.

It shook me to my core to have to think that like other people will

see me in discomfort and in pain.

And I will have to advocate for myself, which is already

really fucking hard for me.

Like I cannot advocate.

And like, and while in pain.

And that was terrifying to me.

Which is why when my kids were born it was only me and Jimmy.

I mean, obviously, like, the doctor, like, whatever, and like, he was there

to be like, I'm going to advocate for you, like, that's why, because,

this is so stupid, and this is not about having a baby, but like, this

is how the ADHD mind works, right?

When I was getting my new car, like years ago, it was like my family car.

I was like, I don't care what it has.

I don't care any of the features.

I want a white car.

I want a white car.

I want a white car.

I talked about it for like two weeks.

We go to the dealership and the guy's like, do you have

any preferences on car color?

And I was like, absolutely not.

No preferences.

You, I will take whatever car you get me.

Thank you so much.

Please

You're like candy apple red it is.

Thanks.

I'm like, I'll take anything you want to get me.

Thank you.

You pick for me.

You're so smart.

I'm such a stupid little

Please tell me that you got a white car,

Vienna.

cut me off mid sentence and he's like, no, she wants a white car.

Thank God.

Mm

she only wants a white car.

And then of course I have to be like, Oh, I don't know what he's talking.

And he's like, no, we're only looking at white cars.

The salesman is probably like this poor woman doesn't give a shit.

And her husband is like making her get this white car, but like, truly.

That, I mean, I also think buying a new car is probably one of the

worst, like, things a person has to

Where is, Charles

oh my god, what a privileged fucking thing to say.

But you get me.

It's, it's like all the discomforts

It's not, it's not as fun.

It's not fun if you're not rich.

No, it's not fun.

You're like stressing about spending money, you know, but they're about

to run your credit and it's like, I don't even want to know what

you're going to come back with.

Um.

Yeah, like all those moments of having to like advocate and be vulnerable.

It's really scary and it's really hard and So what a long stupid tangent, but it

really comes back to like why would you ever want to show someone your weakness.

Like, if you're a deer and you're laying injured on the ground, you're

not gonna be like, look, look, like, come here, come get me lions.

I don't think deer and lions actually exist in the same area.

But like, you get my point.

But like, why are you going to call attention to yourself when you're hurt?

And

like, you're going to show somebody else your weakness, so

they can use that against you.

I don't even know where that comes from.

I have to do some serious digging on that.

But like, that was the visual that just came to of like,

You don't want to give yourself away to the threat.

right.

So there is some, there's, there's some hot tea in that analogy.

but there's also like the part that's like, But you're not, you're not

an injured lion or an injured deer, for some reason, in the savanna.

Got

dropped there.

do you want to say

A gazelle?

Das thank you!

An antelope!

I want to be a gazelle because that reminds me of Gisele Bundchen, and I'm

like, hmm, a little Brazilian baddie.

But like, we're not.

We're not that.

We are women who have been giving birth in community, have been helping each

other and lifting each other for our whole history, except not right now.

Because there's something about this time that's like,

no, you don't do that anymore.

You can't do

It's like you're, it's like people, when people are like, Oh, women

have been doing this for centuries.

And they're like, but not you.

Like, yeah, not you.

You fucking idiot.

Like, we're going to be um, singled out for, being the one person that

does it differently, which is just,

I think we watch too many zombie movies.

is that what it is?

we'll think about it.

The first person who's sick and injured in a zombie movie.

They're leaving their ass out cold.

I'm not gonna lie.

They're pushing them out the door.

You come in in a zombie thing and you have like a little bit of a fever,

you're looking a little clammy.

And you're

like, go on without me.

I'd be like, okay, girl, bye.

Every like

wrote a paper on this in college, but the the horror movies that a

society is writing and watching in that moment is really a

reflection on other things, right?

It's like what's going on societally.

So all these zombie movies.

came up right around the early 2000s, like this new resurgence of it, like Shaun

of the Dead and like all these things.

And it was also around the time that like we had a really heightened fear of

the other and we had terrorism start to become like this big thing that was like

what everybody was talking about and Oh, like the Arab man who's coming in.

He's an outsider.

He's a stranger.

He's not one of us.

And then, like, all of a sudden you have, like, this weird zombie come.

trope that you could think of.

Yeah.

And it, like, infiltrates in other things.

And, like, generations earlier, you have, like, the monster tropes, right?

And, like, there's fears about science.

There's fear about nuclear.

And, like, you start to see these things start to come into horror movies.

And

Yeah, we, we watched, we, we, we rewatched Midnight Mass, um, around Halloween and

know what that is.

I'm such a

Oh my god, it's so fucking good.

Oh my god, it's so good though.

It's on Netflix.

It's um, I think one of Mike Flanagan's like creations if you've watched

like Haunting of Hill House, Haunting of Bly Manor, um, Fall, uh, Fall of

the House of Usher, like, you know, you've watched his stuff before,

but he had one called Midnight Mass.

Long story short, it's about, um, this priest discovering what he

thinks is an angel, but like it's definitely a vampire or like a, you

know, vampire demon bat or something.

And the fanaticism that it causes in this very small seaside or, um,

in this like small island community.

It's about religious fanaticism and it's incredible.

Like, because it's like, how could you think that this thing that is clearly so

bad you, um, is actually here to save you?

And so there is something about that.

So anyway, this, this was a tangent.

Okay.

But holler, holler at that show.

It's very

good.

went all

are we talking about again?

Oh, shadow work.

Um, but, but that is, that, that would be, for example, a collective shadow work.

Like, why do we as a collective, and listen, these are some questions that I

know, given, um, the very, very dense and continually heavy and just, Horrifically

sad situation, um, going on in the conflict that we're all probably asking,

some very related questions, um, that that would be collective shadow work.

You don't want to look at these things.

You don't want to look at these things.

But you have to look at them.

You have to ask these very uncomfortable questions.

And I will tell you that as a person, I, I think that my role, one of

my roles in my family is to be the mirror, the very reflective surface

by which other people see themselves and see both the good and the bad.

It's a very difficult role for people to play.

Um, but I think it is very necessary work.

And, you know, we have to do that by walking back our triggers and looking

at the origins of some of these stories.

We'll probably find the, a lot of villain origin stories here.

Um, we have to talk to each other.

We have to talk to therapy therapists.

We have to allow ourselves to be a little bit vulnerable so that we are not like

cannibalizing ourselves, trying to hide.

Um, all the things that we think are too terrible about

ourselves to shine light on.

Journaling and writing down some of these experiences and trying to remember

how you feel or how you, how you feel when you bring them up and how you

felt when they happened, you know, your body remembers, um, and sometimes

the mind really wants to push it out.

But the memories of those traumas.

That create these shadows are in your everyday walking life now,

playing out, playing right in your face, whether we look at them or not.

wouldn't we rather be aware of them and the ways that those traumas

can often trick us into thinking that we do or do not deserve.

We, um, are worthy or not, you know, all of all of those various questions.

Well then, alright, so I walked down a little bit of that, I tracked down a

little bit of that resentment, and then I started to realize, okay, there's like a

fear of being vulnerable, a fear of this, what do I do with that now, like what's

that next step once I think I have some general causes that are underlying it,

am I, following that thread even further?

Am I

could.

find, like, do I try to then unravel those specific instances

and moments that caused that?

Is that what comes next?

Because that sounds

You could, but I always advise like, when you're doing this kind of work,

this is a lot, and this shit didn't

I don't, I'm not, I'm not going any further tonight.

Yeah, like I was going to say it can be very, it can be very difficult to bring

up things, um, like this that are, so hard to wrap your mind around, um, to

bring back maybe some of the memories of these things that might be the

origin for a lot of what we're feeling.

So I always say like a little bit at a time bites, small bite sized things.

That's why I like, you know, listen here people, I'm not a therapist.

Okay.

My thing is in energy work.

All right.

And that's, that is what I love about energy work because there's, there is

something in energy work that is just so.

It's so powerful, but it's so gentle at the same time.

And I feel like it's been my greatest teacher about a lot of my shadows.

It feels like it has been very affirming, um, in helping me acknowledge the

ways that I have been hurt without re victimizing me all over again.

And in these, and some, most of the time in these smaller bite sized pieces that

are much more manageable than like seeing the body of my trauma that like, Holds,

you know, everything fucked up like it's, it's like this very slow and gentle walk

back to these things while also just really acknowledging the ways that it

has shaped us making space for that and again, like grieving what could have been

but saying like, okay, now that you know that you get mad resentful, for example.

When you overdo it and you get stressed and you get anxious, what

kind of parameters can you put in place to keep yourself from

feeling that way in the future?

Maybe you can't commit to as much as you thought.

What do you need to commit to?

What do you know?

Like without fail, like what do you truly need to commit to?

Not like, Oh, I, I need to drop this off at such and such such as house.

I need to volunteer for this 10 hour long event.

I need like, What do you need to do?

Sometimes, like, you've got to scale all the way back and then slowly add

things back in before, like, you can figure out, like, okay, this is, this

has to be a part of my regular routine.

So like, can you start small?

Can you start small?

Can you take away one thing?

Can you practice saying no a little bit more often?

Hey, we'd like for you to pick up an extra shift.

You know what, normally I'd love to help you out here, but I'm

just not gonna be able to do it.

Just try it one time.

It's uncomfortable.

But on the other side of the discomfort are your new boundaries that prevent

you from being burned the fuck out.

You want the like continuous discomfort of being burned out or like what is

going to be, um, a moment that is still uncomfortable, but it's going to

help you establish a new way of being.

I think this is something that anyone who's ever worked retail

or like any sort of shift, right?

Like, If they're asking you, it's because someone else already said no.

So you can also say no to that then, too.

You don't have to take it.

I think two things that you said are really beautiful there, too.

What like a Virgo moment of like, oh, we have an hour to talk like let's

do let's unravel all my shadow work.

Let's just get down the path like let's do it let's finish like check

that one off that like we're done.

Um, yes, obviously, no, that's not going to happen, but we

have this is shadow season.

There's so long to do it.

We have plenty of time.

There's no rush to get to the bottom of it.

And I obviously am not the expert on shadow work.

I Thank you.

Definitely come to you for a lot of those questions.

Um, but it seems to me like there's really not much of an end, right?

Like, you can always go a little bit deeper.

You can always dig a little bit more.

There's always more to be done.

Um,

Healing work is never done.

there's no destination.

And at first that, that idea used to really intimidate me and actually stress

me out, cause you're like, damn, what am I digging up all this old ass shit for?

If eventually like the pain doesn't stop.

Quite frankly, there are always going to be things that are painful to us.

I think that it is what you do in the face of that pain that signals

progress in your healing or not.

iF, for example, our trigger is feeling like we're going to be ostracized and

considered not in good community and, and because we are always overgiving, right?

And we want to scale that back.

If that's our fear.

On the other side of it, that feeling might diminish over time.

It might not ever go away fully.

And so instead of being like, what am I ever, what am I not going to give a fuck?

So listen, there's a lot of shit I don't give a fuck about.

Okay.

And there, there is some of this in the shadow work guide where it's

like, what, what is your perception of yourself versus your, what other

people's perception of you is?

Like, what do you think other people think about you versus

what you think about yourself?

Right.

You're never going to win everybody.

Okay, but I guarantee you a lot of the time when we are thinking

that we are the biggest piece of shit, people are not thinking that.

They're not thinking that.

Just because you said what, you couldn't like bake a tray of cookies

overnight for your kids like thing that they asked you for like at

nine o'clock at night on a Thursday.

You know what I mean?

Um, or because you, like me, every week, every week, y'all, Vienna and I

set a time to record, and every week, a bitch, me being a bitch, is like, Hey, I

we alternate weeks.

We alternate weeks on it.

Every week we're like, this is the week we get ahead.

This is the week we're gonna get way

ahead of schedule.

No, it doesn't happen.

it doesn't happen.

But listen,

but now it's like a little dance we do.

We just do the little dance of it anyway, just

Yeah, it's like, it's

of rescheduling.

super fun, um, but I mean, and, and Vienna at no point in time is like,

fuck, Crystal, would you get it together?

Bitch, you said you could do it Saturday and like, no, you can't.

Cause like, she knows that that is not, this is, this is real life.

And things are going to come up and you know, what best laid

plans of my sin might not go awry.

So things happen

Just like

I think that that's like,

well, I

know, I mean, it's like literally one of the only things

I remember from high school.

But truthfully, You have to learn how to give yourself grace through some

of those things and realize, like, I'm not going to get it right every time.

I'm not, it doesn't stop me from being triggered, but how am I going to

respond in the face of those triggers?

And am I going to, um, unravel and just be completely undone and, and

beat myself the fuck up for what I think is a perceived weakness?

Or can I say, hey, I didn't, I didn't nail that, or I'm disappointed

that I couldn't make this.

But here's what I can do going forward instead.

like that.

I think it also opens up that you can't unknow something, too.

So like, you're not gonna change it, but just knowing it and having that

awareness of like what's happening might.

shift a little bit, how it lands within you.

And that also might impact how you interact with other people about it too.

I, I am, we talked about this last week, but like I'm big on just disconnecting

totally when I'm feeling burnt out.

I had somebody who like messaged me a couple of times with a question

and I basically like pulled the ghost on them and I felt so bad about it.

And today I had finally had a little bit more.

Mental wherewithal and was able to apologize to them for it

and say, like, I, it was net.

My intention wasn't this, but I know the impact was probably really

disrespectful and you didn't deserve that.

And I'm really sorry that I did that.

Um, I'm not saying that to be like, oh, let me pat myself on the back.

I want a great apology.

That was no, like, I was still an asshole and ghosted this person.

Um,

But I think it speaks to like, hey, I had this very human experience, which is

not necessarily like my favorite look.

But I want to apologize for that going forward, because also in

this human experience, like.

I know that it impacted you, and I'm sorry for that.

You know what I mean?

It's like you're not necessarily like apologizing for being

human and fucking something.

I mean, yes, you are, but the humanity part.

It's like, hey, I know that this wasn't great, but allow me to do

my best to reconcile this with you.

And, and honestly, I feel like if we were on the other side of that, first of all,

people rarely apologize in that manner.

That's so nice.

if somebody sent me an apology.

The few times that I've gotten, like, legit thoughtful apologies,

I'm like, Oh, damn girl, you're good.

Like, don't worry about it.

And probably, totally brushed off the fact that they spent time and the energy

and thought going into this apology.

And it's like, Oh, you're good.

Like, you don't have to worry about that.

But nobody apologizes.

And I knew in the moment the apology would make me feel better.

But I was like, You know what?

Let me own this.

Because that's it's less about you facing them and more about you facing

yourself and your own expectations.

that's it.

That is it.

Because you know what?

Like,

on that, and that makes me feel not good about me.

Mm.

and the stakes of this, the specifics, incredibly low, like,

I'll even lay it all out there.

It was the group therapy leader.

I like missed a couple of them and she emailed me and was

like, Hey, is everything okay?

And turns out, like, the scheduling just doesn't work for me anymore,

and I meant to email her and tell her I can't participate anymore, it's

not working, whatever, but I didn't.

And then, of course, like, every time I missed and I went by, I felt worse about

not having emailed her in the first place.

She sent me the most lovely email, just checking in on me, and I didn't

respond to that in, like, the moment.

And girl, she's in a group therapy group.

You think she ain't seen you before in there?

She's like, I've seen one of these hoes every time we do this group.

Two, three of them.

You know, like, you're not the only one in there.

Like, so it's like, you're like, oh my god, I'm a piece of shit.

And she's just like, I see this all the time.

I know, like,

like, this is how it goes.

This is, This

is, so yes, the stakes were low, but I think then I did have that room a little

bit to play with like really low stakes of like, you know what, let me like

own this and see how it feels to type these words and like say what I did.

hmm.

Mm hmm.

I felt better to apologize.

Oh, look at you, boo.

I know.

I love

it.

that gold star in therapy even though now I'm a group therapy dropout.

I really wanted to win group therapy.

Turns out

I'm

is never finished.

You can always go back,

you know?

another way to get my gold star even though I dropped out.

See, not every aspect of shadow work needs to be you digging in the deepest,

darkest pockets of your subconscious.

When you've just started to gain more emotional awareness and you are seeking

some answers around some of these tendencies and behaviors, this process

can be really, really helpful for things exactly like what you just described.

So I Are you telling me I, I do get a gold star?

Gold star!

Yes,

Um,

alright, so another question for you about shadow work.

So is it a Venn diagram or like how is shadow different

or similar to inner child?

To me, the overlapping is wild.

I'm not saying like every single thing stems from them, but there are just

some things that are just so very ingrained, in our behavioral patterns.

And we've been doing them for so long.

It's, I mean, we're truly are autopiloting a lot of them.

Like, for example, my people pleasing, that's definitely stems

from, from childhood, you know, um,

So

And like,

of doing shadow work, you might end up doing a lot of inner child

healing and work as well.

absolutely, and you know, one of the things that I really like to do

when you're talking about your inner child is like thinking about like

memories for me are a really big thing.

I Have memories from childhood, but I also feel like I'm missing big chunks, right?

Trying to regain like the power of recovering some of those beautiful

ones have been like a big process.

That's been shadow work for me.

Like, what have I blocked out?

That's really beautiful.

And I've discovered some of those.

And that's been a really beautiful process for me.

How do those memories, how do they affect who I am now?

And why is that so difficult?

Why do I have to pull those out like that?

You know, why are they not at the surface?

unPacking a little bit of that and asking ourselves questions like, you

know, what brought us a lot of joy and what could we do now in our adult

life to help us create more of that?

What made us feel safe?

What made us feel cared for?

What would have, if we didn't feel that when we were younger, what

would make us feel like that now?

And that to me is that inner child healing.

Because a lot of the time for me anyway, what that brings up is like,

Hey, I didn't, I, I didn't get this.

I've got to give that to myself now.

And it's not always like a, Oh, I'm going to give myself candy.

Cause I didn't get candy when I was a kid.

Like that is not what I'm talking about.

But for example, if you felt like you did something wrong when you were a

kid and the reaction to it was really, really strong, almost like you really

had to work for like the forgiveness or something like that, uh, self forgiveness

is going to be a really, really big thing.

You're, you're probably beating yourself up a lot.

You're probably not being very kind in how you speak to yourself.

You probably have very high expectations of other people.

It might find it hard to forgive other people.

Those are some aspects that come from that shadow.

So practicing the act of self forgiveness can be a really beautiful thing to do

when you have some of that experience because it teaches you grace for yourself.

Like, yeah, there's a couple of things you didn't get right, but it's okay.

This doesn't, it's not the end of the world.

Cause isn't that like something that we probably would have

wanted to hear as a kid?

It's okay.

This is not as big of a deal as you think it is.

It doesn't say anything about you as a person.

You know, like look for me in math.

I fucking hate math.

Still, I still hate math.

Fuck math.

I mean, not fuck it all the way, but you know, I don't like math.

And math was such a thing of turmoil for me in my childhood

because I just did bad at it every year, right through high school.

And a lot of it was probably some self sabotage I just knew

that I wasn't gonna like it.

buT I think that if someone had approached it from like a, yeah, you don't understand

this right now, but you just need to practice this little, a little bit more.

You're going to get it.

You just might not get it the way everybody else gets it.

And that's okay.

Would have made me feel a lot better than like, you know, the

inner dialogue that I was having while failing math all the time.

Yeah, just reinforcing the failure as opposed to the like, guess what?

You're going to be a grown up and you're not going to need to know how

Yeah.

equal polynomials.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Yeah.

Guess, guess what, Crystal, your iPhone will be in your pocket every single time.

Jimmy and I talk about this every time that we're like, every math teacher

is like, you're not going to be able to carry around a calculator in