In this episode of Living Your Best Damn Life One "F*ck Yeah I Did" At A Time, I (your host Jen Vertanen) sit down with the fantabulous Angela Briones, creator of The Gay Podcast For Everyone.

Ready for some holy-sh*t-I-needed-to-hear-that moments? Listen in!

If you've ever felt too old, too gay, or too [insert your flavor of self-doubt here] to chase your dreams...Angela and I are here to call BS and we'll tell you exactly why and more importantly, share ideas for HOW to move through it.

We explore things like....

• Starting a podcast in midlife (spoiler: it's never too late even when you have a day job and even when friends and family think you're whack)
• The power of "what would Ruby do?" in kicking fear's ass in Angela's life and why knowing YOUR own motivations is so damn important
• Practical strategies to deal with imposter syndrome and the "who am I to do this?"
• How journaling might just save your sanity (and your dreams)
• Being a "box disruptor" and challenging societal expectations, especially as we age

And so much more...

Whether you're thinking of starting a podcast, coming out, or just need a kick in the pants to do that thing you've been putting off, this episode is your permission slip to get shit done (plus you see one of my fave t-shirts...it has b👀bs!).

Warning: Side effects may include sudden urges to start a podcast, write that book, or live your most authentic life. Proceed with caution or don't, and just dive in headfirst!

Tune in for an episode that'll leave you feeling like you can conquer the world one "F*ck Yeah, I Did" at a time!

QUOTES

Angela on not starting sooner:  "It always kinda haunts me, to be honest. Like, it always haunts me that I didn't do something when I really wanted to because it's just wasted time..."

Jen on just getting started: "It’s essential not to let less-than-ideal conditions stop you from starting your "thing"."

Angela on finding motivation: "The memory of my friend Ruby, who was vibrant and unfiltered but passed away young, drives me to push past hesitations and continue creating."

Angela on working with and moving through her inner critic: "I transitioned from stream-of-consciousness journaling to more intentional, question-focused writing to understand and address my inner critic."

#livingyourbestlife  #boldAF #personaldevelopment #selfempowerment  #authenticliving  #mindsetshift  #intentionalliving #lifeonyourterms  #jenvertanenpodcast #agingpowerfully #lgbtqiavoices #thegaypodcastforeveryone #overcomingfear

CONNECT W/ JEN

Website: https://jenvertanen.com/

Threads: https://threads.net/jen.vertanen

Insta: https://instagram.com/jen.vertanen 

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@JenVertanen

CONNECT W/ ANGELA

Threads: https://threads.net/@thegaypodcast_foreveryone

Insta: https://instagram.com/thegaypodcast_foreveryone

The Gay Podcast For Everyone: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-gay-podcast-for-everyone/id1542424590

RESOURCES MENTIONED

Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way: https://a.co/d/bZxzowc

Jane Campbell's Cat Brushing: https://a.co/d/4UCKFzr and one of my fave articles w/her story https://slate.com/culture/2022/10/octogenarian-debut-author-jane-campbell-cat-brushing-book.html

You can now watch Your Best Damn Life on YouTube! Head on over, subscribe, and click the notification button so you get fancy ass alerts each time a new episode goes live.

Snag my free "Get Out Of Your Own Damn Way" guide yourbestdamnlife.com/subscribe

Ready to go all-in? yourbestdamnlife.com/work-together

Don't do it alone! Join fellow Difference Makers & Cycle Breakers in our FREE facebook community facebook.com/groups/fyeahlifewithjenvertanen/

Come say HI! on the socials...I LOVE having convos in my DMs!

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Threads

Jen: 00:00:02

Welcome back to another episode of living your best damn life.

Jen: 00:00:06

One fuck.

Jen: 00:00:07

Yeah.

Jen: 00:00:07

I did at a time.

Jen: 00:00:08

We are here to challenge our perspectives and beliefs of what is possible for us, shift paradigms, and help each of us know that we're not so damn alone in this wildly disconnected world.

Jen: 00:00:20

I'm Jen Burton.

Jen: 00:00:22

Live your best damn life coach.

Jen: 00:00:23

And I am thrilled to introduce my guest today, Angela Brionis.

Jen: 00:00:27

She goes by Ange or Angela.

Jen: 00:00:28

We'll see how this shakes out.

Jen: 00:00:30

But, Angela, welcome.

Jen: 00:00:31

I am so excited to have this conversation with you.

Angela: 00:00:36

Thanks, Jen.

Angela: 00:00:37

Thanks for having me.

Angela: 00:00:38

I really.

Angela: 00:00:38

I'm really excited to be here.

Jen: 00:00:40

So, a quick bio on Ange.

Jen: 00:00:43

Outside of her eight to five.

Jen: 00:00:45

I work nine to five, so I read the eight to five.

Jen: 00:00:47

I'm like, you are a podcaster and writer who is obsessed with law and order, SVU, and all things bravo.

Jen: 00:00:57

And you are also a very proud lesbian Latina.

Angela: 00:01:01

I love that.

Jen: 00:01:03

I didn't know, should it be Latina who's a lesbian?

Jen: 00:01:06

I just.

Jen: 00:01:07

You know, that's what you gave me, so that's what we went with.

Angela: 00:01:11

Yeah, I've asked the same question, too, and I think.

Angela: 00:01:14

I think Gram, it was Grammarly.

Jen: 00:01:16

Who?

Angela: 00:01:17

Lesbian Latina.

Angela: 00:01:18

So I just said, okay, yeah, tell.

Jen: 00:01:20

Us real quick what your podcast is about, and then we'll hop into kind of the meat of the conversation.

Angela: 00:01:25

Yeah, sure.

Angela: 00:01:26

So, my podcast is called the Gay podcast for everyone, and my hope with it is that it is for everyone, that it's for my LGBTQ community and our friends, our families, our allies, where we can share what it is we need from one another.

Angela: 00:01:44

We can share each of our perspectives and kind of see that not only our own journey is kind of mirroring each other when we're coming out as an LGBTQ community or our parents are coming out as the parents of LGBTQ folks, but also that at the end of the day, our lives are very, very similar.

Angela: 00:02:06

And so I thought it would be nice to have a space where each.

Angela: 00:02:12

I guess, each side of the community, I guess, so to speak, could have a space to just share and connect and have a conversation from there, hopefully.

Angela: 00:02:22

I love that.

Jen: 00:02:23

I mean, that's what I love about podcasting so much.

Jen: 00:02:26

And the type of show that I envision this to be is having those organic conversations, and, again, to help us individually feel that we are not so alone.

Jen: 00:02:36

You know, I have my own stories of decades of just heartbreaking loneliness that no one would have guessed from the outside.

Jen: 00:02:44

And so it's very near and dear to my heart, and I've interviewed someone who was identified as a very large woman, and I also had a friend listening to that episode who was.

Jen: 00:02:58

I mean, you could fit her in your pocket, right?

Jen: 00:03:01

She calls me on a road trip, crying, and I'm like, what's going on?

Jen: 00:03:06

And she's like, I had to pull over because I just listened to so and so's episode, and I connected so deeply with it, right?

Jen: 00:03:15

And the episode wasn't a weight or about weight or body or any of that, but it was just listening to our stories.

Jen: 00:03:22

We are.

Jen: 00:03:23

We have so much more in common than we don't.

Jen: 00:03:26

And I think that's what you're saying as well.

Angela: 00:03:30

Yeah, for sure.

Angela: 00:03:31

Because I feel like definitely, I'm.

Angela: 00:03:34

I'm 50, so my parents are in their seventies.

Angela: 00:03:38

And I know growing up in the eighties and nineties, you know, I didn't really know any other gay people, to be honest.

Angela: 00:03:46

It was a while before I realized, oh, so and so who was my friend was gay, too.

Angela: 00:03:51

But we didn't talk about that.

Angela: 00:03:52

And we may not have even known it ourselves.

Angela: 00:03:54

You know, like, it was a long time before I figured out that I was gay.

Angela: 00:03:58

Now, for my parents, you know, I just started putting myself in their shoes and kind of tried to take an empathetic view.

Angela: 00:04:07

It took me a while.

Angela: 00:04:09

That didn't happen overnight.

Angela: 00:04:10

But I started thinking, oh, the same way I'm in the closet, in the same way I've been trying to figure out how to tell people they might be doing the same thing, too.

Angela: 00:04:19

They might be trying to figure out, how do I tell people, quote unquote, about Angela?

Angela: 00:04:26

How do I share her truth?

Angela: 00:04:28

Am I supposed to share her truth?

Angela: 00:04:30

And there were a conversations that we just didn't have because we didn't know how to have them.

Angela: 00:04:37

I'm sure they could have just asked me, hey, can I tell so and so or what do I do in this situation?

Angela: 00:04:42

But it wasn't a comfortable space.

Angela: 00:04:44

So that's why I wanted to have the podcast.

Angela: 00:04:47

Cause I really wanted to, number one, celebrate parents who were demonstrating unconditional love, which you think, well, that's a parent's job, right?

Angela: 00:04:57

They're supposed to do that, you would think, right?

Jen: 00:04:59

Yes.

Jen: 00:04:59

And.

Angela: 00:05:00

But that's not always the case.

Angela: 00:05:02

But I really wanted to highlight the fact that we hear so many stories of things that don't work out or a bad story or a sad story.

Angela: 00:05:11

And I just wanted to highlight the good stories because there are good parents out there, and there are parents out there who are not so overt and not so brazen.

Angela: 00:05:24

And maybe they're afraid to wave the.

Angela: 00:05:28

The gay flag, you know, for whatever reason.

Angela: 00:05:31

You know, maybe they're just timid, you know, like my parents.

Angela: 00:05:34

You know, it's just.

Angela: 00:05:34

It's not their.

Angela: 00:05:36

Their place.

Angela: 00:05:37

Like, that's not just not who they are in general, you know, about anything.

Angela: 00:05:41

They're very shy people or quiet people.

Angela: 00:05:45

And so I wanted to give people like that a place where they could just listen to other people going through the same thing, and maybe they might get an idea of what to do going forward or how to start a conversation going forward.

Jen: 00:06:00

Absolutely.

Jen: 00:06:01

Absolutely.

Jen: 00:06:02

And that's, you know, again, that is the premise behind living your best damn life is let's learn from each other.

Jen: 00:06:09

Right?

Jen: 00:06:10

We've all been through some shit.

Angela: 00:06:11

Yeah.

Jen: 00:06:12

Right.

Jen: 00:06:12

We've all forged our path forward.

Jen: 00:06:17

Right?

Jen: 00:06:17

Let's share some of those.

Jen: 00:06:19

Those scars and wounds and, like, help bring others along in their journey.

Jen: 00:06:24

Before we do that, though, I am a baby pansexual.

Jen: 00:06:29

My husband knows this.

Jen: 00:06:30

This is not a surprise.

Jen: 00:06:32

But in honor of this recording, I wore my tasteful nudes shirt because I've discovered I really love boobs.

Jen: 00:06:44

So there you have it.

Jen: 00:06:46

There you go with that, though.

Jen: 00:06:47

You know, I am very big on giving ourselves permission, right?

Jen: 00:06:55

Especially around doing the thing or the things that are so meaningful to us, things that we want to do so, so badly.

Jen: 00:07:05

Right.

Jen: 00:07:06

And often what gets in our way is ourselves.

Jen: 00:07:11

I mean, right?

Jen: 00:07:13

That's just a part of being a human.

Jen: 00:07:16

I've done it.

Jen: 00:07:18

Yeah.

Jen: 00:07:19

I can't think of a single person who has ever existed in this whole entire world who hasn't gotten in their way at some point.

Jen: 00:07:28

And that's, you know, it's something that kind of breaks my heart because there is so much, you know, we're in our fifties.

Jen: 00:07:34

We have endless opportunities and possibilities and scenarios in front of us yet, but it takes courage to make those first steps right.

Jen: 00:07:44

And then when you do the thing, it's like, oh, that actually wasn't so hard, but doing the first couple of steps.

Jen: 00:07:53

So I'm curious, from your own life, whether it's professional, personal, both, how have you gotten out of your own way or where are you still in your own way?

Angela: 00:08:05

Yeah, I think sometimes it's both.

Angela: 00:08:08

Do you know what I mean?

Angela: 00:08:10

Because, like, the podcast is a perfect example.

Angela: 00:08:14

I wanted to start this podcast.

Angela: 00:08:16

I started it in: 2020

Angela: 00:08:19

I wanted to do it probably a year or two before that, but I didn't, and I don't even know why.

Angela: 00:08:28

Like, I remember I recorded, like, two episodes with guests, by the way, with the guests, and I never published them, and I don't even know why I didn't publish them.

Angela: 00:08:40

And when I look back, I think.

Angela: 00:08:43

I think, gosh, Angela, you know, you would have put your podcast out before podcasting was a thing if you'd done it when you really wanted to, and there would have been some good things about that and some bad things about that.

Angela: 00:08:57

Like, the good things being it was before everybody did it.

Angela: 00:09:00

Right.

Angela: 00:09:01

The bad thing being, you know, there wasn't all, like, squad cast, what we're.

Jen: 00:09:05

Talking on right now, or threads to help support each other, which is how we met, right?

Jen: 00:09:10

Yeah.

Angela: 00:09:11

Right.

Angela: 00:09:11

I mean, it's so much easier to find a guest right now.

Angela: 00:09:15

Like, I mean, you meet such great people, right?

Angela: 00:09:17

On Instagram.

Angela: 00:09:18

I meet everybody on Instagram.

Angela: 00:09:19

It's great.

Angela: 00:09:21

So there are good and bad things, but, like, I definitely got in my own way at that time, you know?

Angela: 00:09:26

And I couldn't even tell you why I've thought about that recently, because it always kind of haunts me, to be honest.

Angela: 00:09:34

It always haunts me that I didn't do something when I really wanted to, because it's just wasted time.

Angela: 00:09:41

And ultimately, it's all okay.

Angela: 00:09:45

Everything happens in the timing that's supposed to happen, whatever, but it still does feel very much like waste of time.

Angela: 00:09:52

But.

Angela: 00:09:53

And as I continue this podcast and, you know, go from.

Angela: 00:09:58

I mean, I really do celebrate every episode when I hit publish.

Jen: 00:10:02

It is a big deal.

Jen: 00:10:03

It is a labor of love.

Angela: 00:10:05

Yeah, it is.

Angela: 00:10:06

There are so many steps involved.

Angela: 00:10:07

Like, nobody told me how many steps are involved.

Angela: 00:10:09

I know, I know.

Jen: 00:10:10

I'm gonna start an Sop this weekend.

Jen: 00:10:13

A standard operator reading procedure doc for mine this weekend, because I'm like, there are so many steps, and I'm gonna miss an important one.

Angela: 00:10:22

Yes.

Angela: 00:10:23

And it's like, exactly what you just said.

Angela: 00:10:26

It's like, nobody told me all the things that need to happen.

Angela: 00:10:30

I just thought I hit record and go.

Angela: 00:10:32

And I think I spend more time preparing or doing some sort of post production aspect of the podcast than actually podcasting.

Angela: 00:10:44

So I think that's always really interesting.

Angela: 00:10:46

But I celebrate every episode because it's usually a mental hurdle for me.

Angela: 00:10:54

Every time, I will tell myself every single time, you know, who are you to have this conversation?

Angela: 00:11:02

You know, there's, like, somebody else is doing it.

Angela: 00:11:06

Somebody else is doing it better.

Angela: 00:11:07

All these things, and they're all just excuses.

Angela: 00:11:11

It's all just fear.

Angela: 00:11:12

And I know that, but I honestly jen, I have to work through it every single time.

Angela: 00:11:18

There has not been one episode that I haven't had to step back and work my way back through it.

Jen: 00:11:24

I love, I.

Jen: 00:11:25

Well, I was going to say I love that.

Jen: 00:11:26

I don't love that for you, but you know what I mean?

Angela: 00:11:30

I get it.

Angela: 00:11:31

I get it.

Jen: 00:11:31

I love a deeper dive on when you say, you know, you have the inner critic coming up, the saboteur.

Jen: 00:11:39

What are you actually doing each time to kind of move yourself through that?

Jen: 00:11:44

And I'm a, you know, huge believer in doing so from a place of kindness and compassion for yourself.

Jen: 00:11:53

And I only, it's only within the last few years that I learned how to do that for myself and to not beat myself up for it.

Jen: 00:12:03

So I'd love a little peek inside your brain and process as you're doing that.

Angela: 00:12:09

Sure.

Angela: 00:12:10

Well, one of the biggest things that I didn't anticipate when I started podcasting was it was like these layers were.

Angela: 00:12:22

I don't even want to say they were.

Angela: 00:12:24

Yeah, I guess they were.

Angela: 00:12:25

I was peeling back layers and then not realizing that there was stuff underneath.

Angela: 00:12:31

Do you know what I'm saying?

Angela: 00:12:32

And so as I'm having these vulnerable conversations with people, I'm realizing that at the crux of absolutely everything is that I grew up in a space and at a time where children were really, I don't want to say, seen in the word.

Angela: 00:12:50

Oh, yeah, me too, kind of.

Jen: 00:12:52

My mom wasn't even trying to hide that.

Angela: 00:12:54

That's what she said.

Angela: 00:12:56

Yeah.

Angela: 00:12:56

You know, like a good kid would be, you know, sit over in the corner and play quietly.

Angela: 00:13:02

You know, you play quietly and you get affirmation and acceptance and everything for being quiet.

Angela: 00:13:10

And when you're loud, you get reprimanded or there's some sort of message of shame that's involved.

Angela: 00:13:18

And so I started realizing that, oh, when I'm sitting behind this microphone and I'm speaking out loud, there's something happening over here that's telling me not to speak, to be quiet.

Angela: 00:13:32

What if you say the wrong thing?

Jen: 00:13:33

Oh, that's a big one.

Angela: 00:13:36

Yeah.

Angela: 00:13:36

What if you, what if you, you know, what if you say the wrong thing?

Jen: 00:13:41

For me, it's.

Jen: 00:13:41

What if I unintentionally harm someone?

Jen: 00:13:43

Like, I'm never going to knowingly harm someone, but words matter, right?

Jen: 00:13:49

Impact is greater than intention.

Jen: 00:13:51

Yeah, I feel you on that.

Angela: 00:13:53

Yeah.

Angela: 00:13:54

And, I mean, my podcast, the gay podcast for everyone, I step into it all the time, and I usually say, I many times I say, I will probably say this wrong.

Angela: 00:14:07

I don't know that.

Angela: 00:14:09

You know, I'm going to be really honest that I don't know how to say this, and I want to create a space where we can ask each other questions and say, hey, I really want to know more about this, and I'm probably going to fumble my way through it, but I need to because it's the only way I can get the answer.

Angela: 00:14:30

I really want the, you know, the cishet folks who are listening to the conversation to understand that even as a gay person, I also have questions, or I also am navigating my way through so we can have that conversation together and we can stumble through it, and that's okay.

Angela: 00:14:51

So to answer your question, to go back and answer your question, what's happening in the back of my head is just that of.

Angela: 00:14:59

Is it okay that I'm saying this out loud?

Jen: 00:15:01

Yeah.

Angela: 00:15:01

You know, it's okay that I'm talking about this topic that I was.

Angela: 00:15:05

As I was growing up, I was in a closet, you know, in the closet, I should say the big closet.

Angela: 00:15:12

I didn't say, yeah.

Angela: 00:15:13

It's like I'm saying this word that I wasn't supposed to say, this word that has inherent shame.

Angela: 00:15:22

Yeah.

Angela: 00:15:23

Is this okay?

Angela: 00:15:25

And so I work through that every time, you know, and then also to be honest, like, my age has a lot of to do with it, with what I'm saying.

Angela: 00:15:33

In the back of my head, it's like, angela, you're 50.

Angela: 00:15:36

Like, really?

Angela: 00:15:38

You're podcasting.

Angela: 00:15:39

Like, that's something that somebody younger should be doing.

Jen: 00:15:44

I love this.

Jen: 00:15:44

What do you do?

Jen: 00:15:45

I love this.

Angela: 00:15:46

You know, like, you're 50 years old.

Angela: 00:15:49

Like, you should be on a beach somewhere, retired, whatever, you know, like, something like you should.

Angela: 00:15:55

Your life should look different than I'm wearing a Beyonce shirt.

Jen: 00:15:58

I love that.

Angela: 00:15:59

You know, and you know what I'm saying?

Angela: 00:16:02

And so it's not fitting in the box that other people have set up, and sometimes that makes me question things, but then I go, yeah, whatever.

Jen: 00:16:12

I'm doing my thing, you know, I gave myself.

Jen: 00:16:14

I've always been so somewhat bold and confident and courageous on the outside.

Jen: 00:16:20

Right?

Jen: 00:16:21

This year, I finally, like, my insides kind of matched my outsides.

Jen: 00:16:26

And so I'm showing up, and I'm feeling much bolder, much more confident, and I'm like, I'm a box disruptor.

Jen: 00:16:34

I don't know if that's, like, a technical term, but that's what I'm calling myself.

Jen: 00:16:40

Aging is.

Jen: 00:16:41

And, like, again, I.

Jen: 00:16:42

I see endless possibilities and scenarios in front of me, no matter my age, I collect stories of older people doing really cool shit.

Jen: 00:16:54

One of my favorites is she was an 80 year old woman who published her debut novel.

Jen: 00:17:00

It was about the 13 lives or the erotic lives of 13 older women.

Jen: 00:17:07

What?

Jen: 00:17:08

Talk about disrupting the conversation.

Angela: 00:17:11

Yeah.

Jen: 00:17:12

You know, so I collect these stories as inspiration for myself of, like, you are never too old to, you know, you may have life circumstances, you may have health challenges.

Jen: 00:17:24

Absolutely.

Jen: 00:17:26

But I always think there's kernels of what we want that we can make come true, even in those.

Jen: 00:17:33

And I always think of, like, what is the feeling that I want to have?

Jen: 00:17:36

And if a, b, and c aren't.

Jen: 00:17:39

If I'm not able to do a, b, and c, can d give me part of that feeling?

Jen: 00:17:44

So that's just my approach to life.

Angela: 00:17:46

Yeah.

Angela: 00:17:47

Well, and two things.

Angela: 00:17:49

One, she's 80 years old with a debut novel.

Jen: 00:17:53

Right.

Angela: 00:17:53

You know, huge.

Jen: 00:17:56

And I can't remember if she'd written all her life and just never, you know, moved forward with it, or if she.

Jen: 00:18:02

I.

Jen: 00:18:03

Because I had read her.

Jen: 00:18:03

This was a couple of years ago.

Jen: 00:18:05

I think she actually started writing later in life and kind of that same thing of, like, who am I to do this?

Jen: 00:18:10

You know, years spent thinking she was past her point where she could do that, and I have to go look her up again.

Jen: 00:18:18

But I wonder, like, what was that thing that finally said, I'm doing this?

Angela: 00:18:25

Yeah, I wonder that, too, because, like, even with podcasting, you know, I'm sure there are other people who are our age who want a podcast, too, and they think, you know, I can't do that.

Angela: 00:18:40

You know, I don't.

Angela: 00:18:41

Whatever it is, I don't know what microphone to use.

Angela: 00:18:43

I don't know.

Angela: 00:18:44

I don't have a tech savvy or whatever it is.

Angela: 00:18:48

I mean, you know, now we know that it's super easy, and, of course, people will say things like, you know, this is the easiest time to do it because we can speak to each other remotely, and we can do all these things, but it's still.

Angela: 00:19:02

There's something inside of us that is either gonna, like, stop us or push us forward.

Angela: 00:19:07

And I feel like, for me, this second oak was thinking earlier that that kind of just drives me, especially when I think when I see my gray hair and I'm 50 years old or what have you, is, I think about my best friend Ruby.

Angela: 00:19:21

She passed away at the age of 43.

Jen: 00:19:23

I'm so sorry.

Angela: 00:19:23

She had ovarian cancer.

Angela: 00:19:25

Thank you.

Angela: 00:19:26

And she was the most vibrant, non filter person.

Angela: 00:19:31

And she was so proud of not having to filter, which was great.

Angela: 00:19:35

And, you know, when I turned 50 this year, we were around the same age.

Angela: 00:19:42

She would have been 51, actually.

Angela: 00:19:44

We were a year apart, and I was just like, man, we were supposed to do this together.

Angela: 00:19:50

You know, we were supposed to whatever.

Angela: 00:19:51

And then I always think, like, every time I want to stop something and, like, I need to create, feel creative somehow, whether it's writing, podcasting, whatever, you know, she was one of my biggest cheerleaders, for sure.

Angela: 00:20:07

And whenever I'm hesitant to say something, I just think about her.

Angela: 00:20:11

I think about Ruby and her filter, of not having a filter.

Angela: 00:20:15

And, like, what would Ruby do?

Angela: 00:20:16

And Ruby would say, oh, my God.

Jen: 00:20:18

You know, I love Ruby.

Jen: 00:20:20

Ruby's time.

Angela: 00:20:21

Yes.

Jen: 00:20:22

She was too soon.

Angela: 00:20:23

And definitely.

Jen: 00:20:25

Yeah.

Jen: 00:20:25

And I think that's the thing, you know, people do ask me, like, well, what if something happens to you?

Jen: 00:20:30

What if you do get a chronic illness?

Jen: 00:20:31

And I'm like, then I.

Jen: 00:20:34

Then I pause and I figure it out from there, right?

Jen: 00:20:38

I can't predict what's going to happen.

Jen: 00:20:40

So I'm done living in that space of what if, you know?

Jen: 00:20:46

And I.

Jen: 00:20:47

You know, as you were talking about that, it makes me think of the.

Jen: 00:20:51

The older women on TikTok that are just.

Jen: 00:20:55

I mean, they're so funny.

Jen: 00:20:58

I'm.

Jen: 00:20:58

I just.

Jen: 00:20:59

There's so many.

Jen: 00:21:00

I want them to adopt me and be my grandma.

Jen: 00:21:03

Please.

Jen: 00:21:04

They might not want me, and that's okay, you know, but it's.

Jen: 00:21:08

I love that you shared that story of Ruby, because that's really what it comes down to, right?

Jen: 00:21:15

Is are you going to reach the end of your time when you don't really know what it is and be like, I wish I would have done that.

Jen: 00:21:23

Right.

Jen: 00:21:24

And I love that you shared that.

Jen: 00:21:25

You have this driving why.

Jen: 00:21:28

Which I think is.

Jen: 00:21:29

I mean, that's what it is, right?

Jen: 00:21:31

It's the motivation.

Jen: 00:21:32

It's every.

Jen: 00:21:34

Every time you publish an episode and is yours weekly?

Jen: 00:21:38

Monthly?

Jen: 00:21:38

No, it's monthly.

Angela: 00:21:40

And what's funny.

Jen: 00:21:41

No, go ahead.

Angela: 00:21:42

Interrupt you.

Angela: 00:21:42

What's funny about that is I wish it was at least every two weeks, but as we were talking about before we started recording with a full time job, sometimes things are very challenging.

Angela: 00:21:54

And so for a minute, I was trying to do it more often, and then I was like, you know what?

Angela: 00:21:59

Consistency is also once a month.

Angela: 00:22:01

And if and when you can do it more, then you give yourself permission to do it more then.

Angela: 00:22:08

But in the meantime, just do this.

Angela: 00:22:10

And it's hard.

Jen: 00:22:11

Absolutely.

Angela: 00:22:12

Because I see, like, I see other people doing it, you know, more often, their frequency is just off the charts.

Angela: 00:22:20

And then I have to remember to stay in my own lane, which is easy.

Angela: 00:22:25

And I'll tell you, like, the biggest thing for me is just having people in my life, my partner and also my sister, my sibling, who, you know, just.

Angela: 00:22:36

They're my cheerleaders, just like Ruby was, you know, like, I can go to them and I can complain, and they will let me complain, and then they'll let me find my way back onto the track.

Jen: 00:22:48

Absolutely.

Angela: 00:22:49

And I think everybody needs that, but I think we got it.

Angela: 00:22:52

I have to give myself permission to.

Angela: 00:22:55

To completely derail, and I will.

Angela: 00:22:59

And then I have to give myself permission to slowly get back on the track.

Angela: 00:23:04

And it happens over and over and over.

Jen: 00:23:07

Earlier end of last week, I had another mini existential crisis.

Jen: 00:23:13

And this is an old pattern of mine.

Jen: 00:23:15

This time, I wasn't questioning my business, the umbrella of my business, the podcast.

Jen: 00:23:21

I wasn't questioning any of that.

Jen: 00:23:23

But I'm like, I don't really.

Jen: 00:23:24

I don't think my main offering is it yet, right past me, would have spent, I don't know, weeks, sometimes years, if I'm being honest.

Jen: 00:23:35

But this version of me who's done a lot of work, internal work, it was a day or two, but I'm like, I'm not going to force myself through it right again, bringing that grace and kindness to it and patience, which is hard for me.

Jen: 00:23:50

I'm not a patient person.

Jen: 00:23:52

And I want to double tap, to use a word from my corporate day job, I want to double tap on what you said, that it's hard, right?

Jen: 00:24:02

We're not gonna sugarcoat it.

Jen: 00:24:03

We're not gonna, like, positive toxic b's over it.

Jen: 00:24:08

It can be hard as hell.

Jen: 00:24:11

But what I also heard you saying, and this is what I want folks to take away, is that if you have a strong enough, why, if you have that strong enough motivator behind it, that's what makes it worth it.

Jen: 00:24:26

Right?

Jen: 00:24:26

That's what makes going through the hard, because you know that ultimately, it's serving what you want to do, what fills you up as a person.

Jen: 00:24:35

Yeah, I love that.

Angela: 00:24:37

Yeah.

Angela: 00:24:38

Yeah.

Angela: 00:24:39

Because there's so many times, I'm not going to lie, I have thought, oh, it's so much easier to quit just not to do it.

Angela: 00:24:46

It's so much easier.

Angela: 00:24:48

And yes, it would be easier, but it also feels like kryptonite.

Angela: 00:24:53

Like, it feels like it's killing me not to do it.

Angela: 00:24:57

And so that's where I went to the monthly podcast thing, because I was just like, you know, if I can show up consistently every month and know it's not the frequency that I really want, but if I can just do that and show myself and continue to have that example for myself, you know, maybe on its own, it'll.

Angela: 00:25:22

The frequency will increase.

Angela: 00:25:24

But in the meantime, I mean, I got to tell you, you know, for me, I don't know how people do it with kids.

Angela: 00:25:31

I don't have kids.

Angela: 00:25:33

You know, I don't.

Jen: 00:25:34

I'm an empty nester.

Jen: 00:25:35

I feel you.

Angela: 00:25:37

I'm like, I'm barely doing this with the full time job.

Angela: 00:25:40

I've got my dog and my partner, and.

Angela: 00:25:44

And, you know, we stay busy on the weekends and stuff.

Angela: 00:25:46

And, of course, my parents are in Austin and my sister, brother in law in San Antonio, and so, like, we stay busy.

Angela: 00:25:54

And sometimes it feels like.

Angela: 00:25:57

Like even getting on this podcast, you know, I was talking to my mom prior, and she was like, what are you doing tonight?

Angela: 00:26:02

And I'm like, oh, I'm going to join a friend for a podcast.

Angela: 00:26:05

And I feel when I say that, I feel like I'm a teenage kid telling my mom, like, I'm gonna go do this thing with my friend, you know, and it feels like you're gonna.

Jen: 00:26:13

Talk on the phone like it's: 1982

Angela: 00:26:19

And I.

Angela: 00:26:20

And I know she's not doing this, but I feel like, you know, she's probably thinking, interesting.

Angela: 00:26:25

That's cute for you, but I know that's not it, but that's the feeling.

Angela: 00:26:29

And I'm like, I kind of like that this podcasting life does feel a little bit.

Jen: 00:26:36

Absolutely.

Jen: 00:26:38

It's a creative outlet, and like we said, it's a labor of love, which I think the nugget there is.

Jen: 00:26:49

You know, it's not the cadence that you have right now isn't the ideal for you, but you have found what works for right now, right?

Jen: 00:26:57

While holding the vision of maybe someday something will change and I'll be able to do it more.

Jen: 00:27:03

But that, you didn't let that stop you, and that is the message, right?

Jen: 00:27:07

You didn't let that stop you.

Jen: 00:27:09

So I'm wondering, what advice do you have for someone listening in, whether they want to start a podcast or do something else, and especially if it's something that they're like, I'm going to run into that inner critic on a monthly, a daily, a weekly basis.

Jen: 00:27:26

What advice do you have to them to get started or to take the next step?

Angela: 00:27:32

Yeah, it's so hard, because people always say, just start.

Angela: 00:27:36

That is true.

Jen: 00:27:37

Duh.

Angela: 00:27:38

That is true, because I do.

Angela: 00:27:41

I do very much regret that I didn't start when I really wanted to.

Angela: 00:27:45

Right.

Angela: 00:27:46

But I think one of the things that has been really kind of a saving grace for me has been journaling.

Angela: 00:27:55

And I've always journaled to some degree, like, in the morning, like in the writer world and creative world, Julia Cameron's artist's way.

Angela: 00:28:05

I've been doing the morning pages.

Jen: 00:28:07

I'll link that in the show notes for folks.

Angela: 00:28:10

Nice.

Angela: 00:28:10

Yeah.

Angela: 00:28:11

And I've been doing the morning pages for years, but it wasn't until recently that I kind of started doing them a little bit different before I was doing it, as Julia Cameron says in the book, kind of like a stream of consciousness writing for ten minutes.

Jen: 00:28:27

Is that how long she does?

Angela: 00:28:29

I do three pages.

Angela: 00:28:30

So however long that takes for me, it takes about 40 minutes, to be honest, and.

Angela: 00:28:36

But I did start changing it once I started in the last couple of years.

Angela: 00:28:40

Really once I started the podcast more, well, once I started to podcast a little different, I should say, like, with a little more intention of just really focusing on, like, what is stopping me.

Angela: 00:28:52

I think that's when the layers started to peel back, and that's when things started feeling like, you know, I was, like, shaking something of, like, what's happening?

Angela: 00:29:02

So I started doing those morning pages with more intention.

Angela: 00:29:06

And instead of a stream of consciousness, I was really asking myself questions like, what is it that when you want to quit, what is that thing?

Angela: 00:29:17

What's happening there?

Angela: 00:29:18

And what's that fear and what's that about?

Angela: 00:29:20

And I really just kind of kept writing with, like, trying to dig and dig and dig and dig.

Angela: 00:29:26

And I feel like it really has helped me because, yeah, you should just start the thing you want to do and take action and put one, you know, the path will lay itself out.

Angela: 00:29:38

Exactly.

Angela: 00:29:39

But more so, like, at the end of the day, it's literally just you doing the thing.

Angela: 00:29:44

Nobody else can do it for you.

Angela: 00:29:47

And I, as I'm saying these words, I'm telling the words back.

Jen: 00:29:51

Absolutely.

Angela: 00:29:52

And, yeah, and it's like, I feel like journaling and asking myself those questions has kind of helped me every day.

Angela: 00:30:02

Go back to revisit, and I could have a week of, you know, of, I haven't done anything.

Angela: 00:30:11

I'm standing still.

Angela: 00:30:12

Why am I standing still?

Angela: 00:30:14

But at least I feel like I have myself to go back to.

Jen: 00:30:18

Yeah, absolutely.

Angela: 00:30:21

And I feel like that has been very helpful.

Angela: 00:30:25

It's, like, been a home base for me to kind of be as honest as it can be about the things that are stopping me and why.

Jen: 00:30:36

You can understand it, because once you understand and you're aware, it's like, oh, now I have something tangible I can actually start working on.

Angela: 00:30:45

Yeah, right.

Angela: 00:30:46

And then I, because I have to answer that inner critic when she pops up.

Angela: 00:30:51

And then I have to come back and say, okay, I recognize what's happening here before.

Angela: 00:30:57

Been here many times.

Jen: 00:30:59

Yeah, it was a well worn.

Angela: 00:31:00

So here's what we're gonna do.

Jen: 00:31:02

You're so cute doing this to me again.

Angela: 00:31:04

Exactly.

Angela: 00:31:05

So it's like I have to work through it on my own.

Angela: 00:31:08

And as much as I wanna, you know, talk my partner to death about all the things about me, like, don't you wanna hear about me all the time?

Jen: 00:31:17

Help me.

Angela: 00:31:17

And even to my sister.

Angela: 00:31:19

Yeah.

Angela: 00:31:20

Like, at the end of the day, I do have to help myself.

Angela: 00:31:25

So I feel like that has been really, really helpful.

Angela: 00:31:27

Just like more intentional morning pages, I love that.

Jen: 00:31:31

And, you know, I don't know your experience with that, but I found that.

Jen: 00:31:35

So I don't love the concept of forming habits, but this is what it's going to sound like.

Jen: 00:31:40

It's like the more you do it.

Jen: 00:31:42

And yes, you have to really intentionally think about it to begin with, but one day you wake up and you're like, oh, it's just kind of second nature to think this way.

Jen: 00:31:51

And you're like, when did that happen?

Jen: 00:31:52

You're like, I don't know, but I like it.

Jen: 00:31:54

Right?

Angela: 00:31:56

Yeah, well, you know, and you mentioned building habits and it made me immediately think, like, what's, when you asked, what's something you can do to like, make the thing happen?

Angela: 00:32:06

Building the space.

Angela: 00:32:08

Like, if you just start to build the space, like, if you want to write, you know, and start to build that, what does your ideal writing space look like?

Angela: 00:32:17

You know, and just kind of start doing that, or what does your ideal podcast space look like?

Angela: 00:32:21

And just do it little by little.

Angela: 00:32:23

It kind of calls you there, you know?

Angela: 00:32:26

So I think that's part of it too.

Jen: 00:32:28

This has been wonderful.

Jen: 00:32:29

And as we wrap up a favorite question of mine, and it is not a favorite of others all the time, if we really knew you and if we really knew your journey, what would we know?

Jen: 00:32:42

It can be funny, poignant, full of wisdom.

Jen: 00:32:46

Like, playful.

Jen: 00:32:48

Sky's the limit here.

Angela: 00:32:50

Yeah, I think people are always surprised that, like, I'm a little more spicy, like I'm a latina, I love it.

Angela: 00:33:00

And I think a lot of people are like, oh, you're so nice.

Jen: 00:33:02

Whatever.

Angela: 00:33:03

And I mean, I am.

Angela: 00:33:04

I'm nice.

Angela: 00:33:05

I'm nice.

Angela: 00:33:06

I'm like, but, you know, I will say what I need to say, too.

Jen: 00:33:10

I love that.

Angela: 00:33:11

And that always throws people off because I'll always get like, I didn't know you were like that.

Angela: 00:33:17

And I'm like, like what?

Angela: 00:33:18

You know, like, yeah, there's no problem.

Angela: 00:33:21

But a little more spicy than people.

Angela: 00:33:23

Really?

Jen: 00:33:23

I love spicy.

Angela: 00:33:24

Yeah.

Jen: 00:33:25

All right, well, we will have all your information in the snow, the snow notes.

Jen: 00:33:30

We will have all your information in this.

Jen: 00:33:32

I'm going to leave that in snow notes.

Jen: 00:33:35

I am.

Jen: 00:33:36

We'll have all your information in the show notes, including links to the artist's way and the, I don't even know how old she is now, but when she published her novel at 80, because it is just a phenomenal story.

Jen: 00:33:50

And I can't thank you enough for being on here and sharing the bits and pieces with us and especially those very tactical, tangible, practical structures, strategies you gave folks.

Jen: 00:34:01

So thank you so much.

Angela: 00:34:03

Thanks, Jen.

Angela: 00:34:04

Thanks for having me.

Angela: 00:34:05

This is really fun.

Angela: 00:34:06

I appreciate it.

Angela: 00:34:06

It's great to meet you, too.