We don't like it when other people put us in a box. Yet sometimes we build one for ourselves anyway, a title, a role, or a version of who we think we're supposed to be. Then we wonder why things feel too small.

In this episode, Erica shares why the title she gave herself over a year ago stopped fitting, and what she's calling herself instead. She unpacks why personality tests like Myers-Briggs left her feeling boxed in, why Human Design works differently – more like connecting the dots.

*AI Transparency: AI assisted in writing show notes

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you know when you're packing for a trip,

maybe it's a vacation or business, and you

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might make a list of everything you need.

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If you're like me, you spend time putting

everything in just so it will all fit,

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and then you go to close the suitcase.

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And how often does this happen to you?

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It won't close, or it won't zip.

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So you repack and you rearrange

things, but the one thing you refuse

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to do is to grab that larger suitcase

you have in the attic or the closet.

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Because this one bag, this one suitcase,

is the one that you want to take, maybe

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'cause it fits so nicely in the overhead

bin, or maybe it's the nice suitcase

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that you feel confident wheeling around

the airport, And you are not taking the

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bigger one, even if all of your things

will fit better and you won't have the

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same suitcase fight on the way home.

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How often are we trying to fit our

lives or our jobs into a suitcase

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that is too small because we

feel like everything should fit?

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Because expanding to that larger suitcase

might be really uncomfortable or take

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more time if that's what's really needed.

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We can't see that maybe we have outgrown

that old standby suitcase that you love.

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Hi, it's Erica Voell, and

welcome to the Unfolding podcast.

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And if you've been here for a while, you

might notice something a little different.

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I'm not gonna read you my whole

full podcast intro this time, and

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I'm sharing why in this episode.

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Actually, this episode's even

bigger than that because my old

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intro was like the old suitcase.

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I kept adding things into the

suitcase, and it was too small.

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I have been calling myself a decision

mentor and inner trust guide for a while.

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And over the last few months, every time

I say it, something feels a little off.

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Like, what does it even mean anymore?

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Which is really kind of funny

considering how my work has been

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evolving this year, especially as

I've been writing on Substack and

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creating the Summer of Self Love.

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I really honestly have gotten

to the point where I don't even

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know what it means anymore.

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Because when someone asks what do

I do, I don't say, "I'm a decision

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mentor and inner trust guide," because

I don't even know what it means.

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Because I don't feel like even I can

explain what that decision mentor

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and inner trust guide even does.

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But I don't love the word coach either.

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It makes me think of someone that

will help you set goals and help

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you get to a specific outcome.

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When they ask the question, what

do I do, I actually sort of freeze.

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I have to think about, what do I share?

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What do I really do?

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Do I play it safe?

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Do I want to answer all the questions?

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But when I say I'm a human design coach, I

really think of myself more of as a guide,

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as a coach, 'cause right now, for me, the

coach is the one that's on the sidelines

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with a whistle, and I'm not somebody

that's gonna blow the whistle for you.

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But then they ask, "What is human design?"

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Or they'll ask another few

questions like, "Oh, interesting.

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So who do you work with?"

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And then I start talking, and

I feel like my light comes on,

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and I love these conversations.

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And then recently, someone

referred to me as her decisions

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coach, and I love that too.

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So which one am I?

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Lately, I've really been sitting

with this question, and I've

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realized I've been trying to make

my work fit into a specific title.

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To make the work fit into the

decisions and inner trust realm, but

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my work is so much bigger than that.

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Like, how does self-love or even trusting

your voice fit into s- to decision-making?

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It does, but it's a long

line instead of this natural

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progression of connecting the dots.

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I gave myself that title over a year

ago, and it was shortly after I left the

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library in May of 2025, Because that's

what clients had told me had been the

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most impactful part of our work together.

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And what happened is I let the

title define my work instead of

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what I should have been doing,

letting the work define the title.

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And somehow I've been

doing this to myself.

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I have been trying to make my work fit

into the title I created for myself.

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I've been trying to pack all of my

clothes into that tiny suitcase.

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That's the crazy thing.

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For years, my title, when I was working at

the library, was defined by someone else.

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But now that I'm my own boss, I realize

I need to periodically reevaluate.

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Yes, I still help women

with their s- decisions.

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We talk about when they are

second-guessing their decisions, and

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the ones that they ask their chat

group about what they should do when

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they need to make a big decision.

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But we also talk about why they're

exhausted, why they feel guilty

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for resting, why they tie their

worth into feeling productive.

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Why they get frustrated when their

kid or their partner needs three

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days to make a decision when they

know their decisions instantly, or

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why their kid seems to operate on

a completely different wavelength.

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Why they continue saying yes to things

when they really inside want to say no.

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Why they have picked up another self-help

book that they heard about on a podcast.

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Or why they felt boxed in by this

personality test that they had to

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take at work that doesn't really fit

them, and that's just another label.

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And under the surface of all of

this, something just feels off.

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But what we're really talking about

is their relationship with themselves.

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That's what the Summer of Self

Love series was all along, is this

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relationship we have with ourselves.

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It started out as a seasonal project,

but it became so much more than that.

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It's been a thread in my work all

along, and I just did not realize it.

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And as I'm talking to women in midlife

who are realizing something else.

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The woman everyone else expects them

to be is not who they are anymore.

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These were labels that were defined

by other people and other people's

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expectations, and they no longer fit them.

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And maybe that's why so many

midlife women are grumpy.

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It's also perimenopause and the

patriarchy and the invisible labor

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that keeps the household running.

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Everyone is still expecting a version

of us who keep everything going.

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The one who always says yes when

there's another project come, that comes

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up, or someone that needs something

from you for fill in the blank.

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Or the one who keeps the peace

or is silent around the in-laws

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for their comfort and not yours.

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Or the one who does the sensible

thing and ultimately maybe chose the

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career path that looked good on paper

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And maybe we're doing it to ourselves too.

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Maybe we keep trying to be a woman

that we have started to outgrow.

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We have started to try to

pack ourselves into a suitcase

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that is too freaking small.

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And holy crap, I know that woman

because I was her, and sometimes I still

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am, depending on the circumstances.

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We are trying to fit our lives into these

labels, into these small suitcases, and

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these definitions from others instead of

defining ourselves based on our lives.

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I spent so many years that, in

roles that looked right on paper,

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but they felt so wrong in my body.

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When I discovered Human Design in

the middle of healing from burnout,

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it didn't give me another label or

an identity I felt I had to become.

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It helped me find words for

things I had felt for years.

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It helped me understand why making

decisions felt so heavy, and why

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overriding myself was a pattern.

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Some of the areas where I judge myself

the most harshly were not actually

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problems that I needed to fix.

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When I learned this, it

all explained so much.

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It made so much sense.

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I hear versions of that sentence

all the time with clients, and I've

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realized that that's much closer to the

heart of the work that I actually do.

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For me, Human Design isn't another

personality test that tells you

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who you are, like Myers-Briggs

and their four-letter code, or

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the StrengthsFinder with their 34

themes, and you take the top five.

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I always hated feeling like I

had to fit into a box, as if

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the INFJ was really who I was.

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It's actually part of my Human

Design, and it's possibly why I've

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struggled so much with personality

tests, especially Myers-Briggs,

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because even when the letters change,

they still put me into a category.

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Now, don't get me wrong.

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You put one of those quizzes in the

back of a magazine, and I will take it

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because I'm always so curious about it.

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But I never felt like I had to fit into

a category from those magazine quizzes

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That's why I love Human Design so much.

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Yes, there are labels for different

areas, but they aren't narrowing you into,

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like, this one box you have to be in.

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It's actually opening up

a broader aspect of you.

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I might be a Generator, but I

have so many aspects that explain

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me that are not just Generator.

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My daughter's a Generator.

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She's so much different than me.

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Type is actually where most

people start, and then they…

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A lot of times they grasp onto that label.

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People will say, "Oh, I

know about Human Design.

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I'm a 1/3 Manifesting Generator."

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And I'm like, "Cool, and I know a

little bit about you, but that does

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not tell me everything about you."

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It's like telling somebody that

my sun sign is a Sagittarius.

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Yes, there are pieces to it, but

it's not who I really am as a person.

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It's a label.

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And to me, Human Design is more like when

you did those dot-to-dot pages as a kid.

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Like, each dot was its own separate

dot, but when you put them all together,

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they created this whole picture.

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And Human Design helps you see your

whole picture, and all of the individual

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dots of you that you've always felt

but maybe didn't have words for.

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The parts of yourself that you hid

because they didn't fit into everyone

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else's definition of acceptable.

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I have always admired people who

say, "I'm an astrologer," and they

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say it with confidence, and you

know exactly what their work is and

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what you most likely get for them.

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Or even a massage therapist,

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you know what to expect.

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They may even specialize in a certain type

of massage, but you get the general idea.

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So actually, I'm simplifying.

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I'm Erica Voell, and I am a human design

guide for women in midlife, period.

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But you're also gonna hear me say

I'm the dot connection lady, and a

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little bit more about that later.

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Decisions are still a huge part of

my work, and so are other aspects

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such as energy, and relationships,

and identity, and belonging, and

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boundaries, and all those darn shoulds,

but I don't have to have a laundry

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list of everything I do in my title.

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And it feels so fitting that I've been

figuring this out here when my podcast

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and my Substack are called Unfolding:

Letters from the Middle of Becoming

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because I've always felt I was in the

middle of becoming something, I've been

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i-- very impatient about the process, but

like a flower opening, you can't rush it.

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And as I've been working through

who I am in my work and what my

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work is about, I keep coming back to

one question: What happens when the

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version of yourself and the life you've

created around it that once looked

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so good doesn't feel right anymore?

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This is about the woman who wakes up

at 47 and thinks, "Wait, am I still

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doing this because it's what everyone

expects from me or because it's

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what I decided I was ten years ago?"

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Maybe it's your career.

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Maybe it's your partnership

or your marriage.

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Maybe your parenting or your friendships.

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Being the one who's always there to

handle everything, the one who is

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agreeable and underneath feels resentful.

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Or you're the high achiever because

it's what was expected of you, or you

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were the dependable one who's always

there when someone else needs something.

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Or it may be is a job title like mine.

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Or it may be something even deeper.

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So that's what we're gonna

continue to explore here, and if

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you're there too, I think we're

gonna have a lot to talk about.

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I would love to hear from you.

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Send me a DM, send me a comment.

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And you're probably going to hear me

introducing myself a little differently

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around here because ultimately, my

work is not about my business title.

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I'm still Erica, and I'm a human design

guide for women in midlife, so you

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can connect the dots to see a whole

picture of you and your relationships.

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If your life looks right on paper

but doesn't quite feel right anymore,

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if you're starting to question the

shoulds, the roles you're in, the

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decisions, and even the version of

yourself everyone else expects you

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to be, you're in the right place.

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And at the core is one thing,

your relationship with yourself.

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That was what was at the heart of the

Summer of Self-Love series, and it's

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not going anywhere just because the

season on the calendar is changing

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and says that summer is ending.

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Human design is the one of the

lenses I use to help you connect the

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dots of what's actually going on.

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Because sometimes you don't need to

repack things over and over, hoping

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that they're gonna fit into this too

small of a suitcase, and you don't

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need to fix something about yourself.

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Maybe sometimes you just need a bigger

suitcase, and you've known it all along

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Repacking won't help.

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That bigger suitcase will help you see

a fuller picture of everything you're

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taking, and things aren't all crammed in.

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They have space to breathe, and

maybe if you're going on vacation,

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you have room for souvenirs.

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You can see how everything you

have connects to the whole picture

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of what you're taking, much like

that dot-to-dot picture does,

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letting you see the whole picture

of yourself and your relationships.

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Connecting the dots is exactly what we

do inside my paid Substack subscription.

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You start to connect the dots, and

then you say what I hear all the

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time, "That makes so much sense."

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Why you feel resentful when

you are saying yes again.

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Why you have felt the

need to prove your worth.

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Why your partner or your kid

actually needs three days to make

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a decision and it's not wrong.

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Or why you're overthinking and

replaying conversations in your mind.

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So if you're ready to let some of

those labels that you've outgrown

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stop defining you, think of it as

upgrading to a bigger suitcase, and

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then you can start to connect the dots.

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I want to invite you to go

to Ericavoell.com/connect.

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That's Erica, E-R-I-C-A, V as

in Victor, O-E-L-L.com/connect.

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That's Erica, E-R-I-C-A, Voell, V

as in Victor, O-E-L-L.com/connect.

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So thank you for joining me.

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I'm so grateful that

you listen to the show.

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Share this episode with a friend

or a colleague if it resonated with

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you, and I'll see you next time.

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Be well.