Today we have part two of our Divorcing Your Narcissist episode with Tracy Malone. During this portion of the episode, one of Lesa’s clients comes on to ask questions regarding what she is experiencing in her divorce. Tracy helps the client navigate how to handle triggers and keep herself from shutting down. How to decide what is worth fighting for and knowing the rights around large items like pension and retirement. Lastly, Tracy gives wonderful advice about “Narc-Proofing,” the divorce decree to eliminate gray areas. Tune in to this episode for some incredible coaching tips to set yourself up for success when divorcing a narcissist.
In this episode:
[1:35] Lesa’s client joins the episode to ask her questions. [2:54] The best ways to deal with outlandish accusations and triggers [7:57] How do you make the decision-making process move from mediation to court? [10:34] Decision-making tips around what to fight for and what to let go. [16:40] How do you “Narc-proof” your divorce decree?
Key Takeaways:
Narcissists know your triggers, so they will always go after your greatest strengths. Their goal is to shut you down, so the goal is knowing that this is a game and you have to keep yourself from shutting down. Prepare yourself so that you can protect yourself. Research your rights when going through a divorce on the big things (pension, retirement, the house, etc.) If you are fighting over more minor things like items in the home, determine if the item is worth the amount of money it will cost to fight for it. Make sure everything is mapped out to the extreme detail. There should be no gray areas in the divorce decree. Write out the specifics so if they go through any gray areas, they are in contempt of court. Include dates and times for everything.
Quotes:
“We can't control what they’re going to say or do. And so for us, we have to manage how we respond to them.” - Tracy Malone
“They're just intimidating you; their entitlement to everything is not true. This is gaslighting 101; this is how they keep a victim trapped by not letting them know their options. Most people will fall and just be like, oh, ok, I don't get anything; I’ll take this much because they’re used to being manipulated.” - Tracy Malone
“Knowing that the narc-proofing is really making sure that everything has a date and a time and if he’s supposed to pay you payments.” - Tracy Malone
Guest Bio:
Tracy Malone is a survivor of narcissistic abuse. As soon as she learned what the heck all the crazy people in her life were doing, she started teaching, sharing, and bringing others to understand. Tracy has been abused her whole life but only learned 18 months ago her mother, her sisters, her ex-husband, his crazy family, and ultimately a boyfriend of 2.5 years that caused this transition in her life with his horrific discard. Tracy has spoken to and helped hundreds of survivors, and she can help you with private coaching and virtual online group narcissist abuse support meetups. She lives in Colorado and owns a marketing company that helps businesses understand how to market. Everything from their website to SEO and social media.
Resources:
Divorcing Your Narcissist Book
Targeted Healing Journals
Narcissist Abuse Support Website
Lesa Koski Website
Lesa’s Online Courses
