Episode summary introduction:

This episode delves into the intricate dynamics surrounding the concept of secrets, a topic that permeates human interactions. TC & Maddog explore the motivations behind the inclination to keep secrets, examining the psychological nuances that compel individuals to withhold information from others. Additionally, they contemplate the ethical implications of secret-keeping, particularly when such information may evoke harm or distress in the lives of those involved. Join us as we navigate these profound themes, fostering a deeper understanding of the delicate balance between trust and transparency in our relationships.

Topics discussed in this episode:

The podcast presents a thoughtful episode on the multifaceted nature of secrets, examining the underlying reasons for their existence and the societal implications of keeping them. The dialogue begins with an acknowledgment of the human proclivity to share confidential information, often under the guise of secrecy, and transitions into a vibrant discussion on the varying degrees of secrets people hold. Participants reflect on personal anecdotes where the distinction between a true secret and mere gossip becomes blurred, prompting a critical analysis of what constitutes a 'secret' in modern society.

Central to the conversation is the ethical consideration surrounding the act of keeping secrets, particularly in circumstances where the information shared may lead to unforeseen consequences. The speakers grapple with the notion of trust, questioning the integrity of individuals who disclose sensitive information while simultaneously acknowledging the vulnerabilities associated with such revelations. This exploration is enriched by personal reflections that illustrate the weight of secrets and the burdens they can impose on relationships, ultimately leading to a nuanced understanding of the dynamics at play when one is entrusted with confidential information.

As the podcast draws to a close, the speakers encourage listeners to reflect on their own experiences with secrecy and its ramifications, emphasizing the importance of honesty and transparency in fostering genuine relationships. The episode concludes with a resonant reminder that the act of sharing a secret can either strengthen bonds or irrevocably alter the trajectory of trust between individuals, leaving listeners to consider the profound impact of their choices in navigating the intricate web of human connections.

Walkabout takeaways:

• We explore the intriguing dynamics of secrets, questioning their significance and the reasons individuals feel compelled to keep them.
• The discussion highlights the varying degrees of secrets, ranging from innocuous to potentially harmful, and the implications of sharing them.
• We reflect on the milestones achieved by our podcast, celebrating over 100 episodes and acknowledging the contributions of those who came before us.
• Throughout our conversation, we stress the value of transparency and the complexities surrounding the act of confiding in others.
• Finally, we conclude that while secrets may serve a purpose, the burden of keeping them can often outweigh their necessity.

Reference Links:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/articles/202207/why-we-keep-so-many-secrets

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/talking-apes/202408/what-happens-when-you-keep-secrets

https://medium.com/reciprocall/why-keeping-secrets-is-one-of-the-most-crucial-things-you-can-do-73d6950e3ca8

More about E-Walkabout:

To learn more about Electronic Walkabout visit us at www.ewalkabout.ca.

If you want to read more “Thoughts of the Day” check out TC’s Book at Amazon:

“St. Mike's Fortunes”

Electronic Walkabout. No one should have to walk through life alone. We share the good times, the bad times, and the best times.

Everyone needs a little direction now and again. And TC and Maddog are here To show you the way. A podcast where we talk about the important things in life. Come journey with us. The Electronic Walkabout

Mad Dog. Here we are back in the studio after. It seems like it's been forever, because it has been.

It has been. It's almost enough time to get a new knee or something.

Maybe a new knee. Well, that's a. Maybe a whole podcast altogether and then some.

For our listeners that don't know, somebody by the name of TC had a knee replacement. So he's been working back to get into running marathons, which I'm sure he'll be doing shortly.

Well, I keep telling people I'm going for five mile runs. Most don't believe me. And for those that do, I'm sorry.

I'm glad your recovery is going well.

Yeah, it's going well. It's just slow as a snail's pace, but that's what's expected.

You know the other thing I want to share with the listeners, Electronic Walkabout hit a milestone not too long ago for over 100 episode, if you can imagine.

Are you kidding?

I'm not kidding.

100. Wow!!

Yes, wow.

That's impressive.

So, I mean, not only kudos to you, but let's give kudos to our friend Wilkie who's the og and of course, sadly to say he did pass away a couple years ago, but he was one of the guys behind this original podcast. I think he'd be quite happy where we're taking it these days. Mat Dog.

Yeah, I was very honored to be a guest in the early days when he was, you know, your co host. So always trying to, even though I'm sure I'm coming short fill all those shoes, so. But I'm, I'm very honored to, to be here. So.

And then, you know what this is, as much as you thank everybody else, you know, you're going to make sure you put pat your back yourself because you've done a phenomenal job with, with this whole program.

Well, thank you, Maddog. And one of the things that I know Wilke, you know, and I think you can be on the same page as this, is that it's got to be fun or what's the point?

I tend to have fun once in a while. I think you can hear that on every podcast.

Yeah. So at the end of the day, it still Boils down to sharing what's important to life with our listeners.

And I think we're just going to jump into this, this episode, see where it takes us. Sounds good. We're going to explore the secrets behind secrets. This is something that's always intrigued me is how easy it is to keep a secret.

More so when do you keep a secret?

I guess it's relevant to the intensity of the topic. Maybe, I don't know.

I don't know either. It's just like one of those, is it a human nuance where, hey, hey, do you mind if I tell you something?

But it's a secret and you gotta, you gotta keep it.

And then sometimes you, you happen to mention to somebody else and they're like, yeah, they told me that secret too. It's like, okay, was it an actual secret?

Yeah. So what is the secret? We're gonna get into that. Join us as we explore the secret behind secrets. But first is always a thought for the day.

The secret is not knowing when to talk, it's knowing when to think. The latter should always be the prior.

I agree. I like that.

So I, I think what, I've just got a bunch of questions because, I mean, everybody's going to have a different opinion about secrets.

And you'd already mentioned, you know, when some of them say, I want to, I want, I've got something to tell you, but I want you to keep it a secret where they've already shared it with maybe two or three people. And that's not really a secret now, is it, at that point?

No, I think they just want a limited audience to know so they'll, they'll set it up as the guy under the guise of it being a secret. But if it got out, you know, it probably isn't that big of a deal. But yeah, yeah, people, they, it's hard to sit on, on interesting information.

That's where I think where that kind of starts is you want to share it with somebody even though you probably shouldn't.

So, so I guess what you're saying is that the secret contains, I'll just say, juicy information that, that most people would want to get a handle on. Is that right?

Yeah, I would, I would agree with that.

So what is the point behind a secret?

I think it varies based on a number of things. I don't know whether people maybe just aren't comfortable with holding said information.

That's why they end up, you know, divulging the secret because it might be too heavy or just, you know, something that you Know, they might feel they're in over their head so they have to tell somebody else. But again, I think to restrain people from going out and spreading the word is that you say, it's a secret, don't tell anybody, but.

Or it begins with this, hey, can you keep a secret?

I think we should just learn to say no to that.

And I think the common answer would be, yes, of course I can. Oh yeah, keep a secret.

And now you got me intrigued because you start off with that line, everybody wants to know what you got to say.

Yeah, no kidding. So I mean, so what is the point behind this here at all?

Obviously there's some, I'll say, juicy piece of information that, that needs to be kept away from other individuals for, I'll say, some important reason.

And you know, it could be varying degrees of importance. Right.

Like if in your old line of work, you know, somebody got into trouble and they knew somebody did something, they're going to say it's a secret because somebody could probably go to jail for it. Versus I heard somebody say this word. Like the kid in elementary, don't tell anybody.

It's a secret, you know, so there's varying degrees, I think, of secrets.

Yes, varying degrees and for different reasons. But again, why do we keep them? I have no idea. Because I'm not a big secret person myself, to tell you the truth. I like to be transparent. I.

If there's something that, that let's say, hey, just don't tell anybody right now, when I feel comfortable that people know, I'm telling you because I trust you. Is that all right with you?

I like that approach, you know, because then, then there's personal ownership. You're saying, listen, I trust you, so I'd like to, you know, share this with you.

And as opposed to it's a secret, don't tell anybody, because everybo says that. So I like that approach.

And I think the thing about it, these people that are sharing the secrets, they genuinely believe that this information is, is, is so important that they have a hard time keeping it to themselves as well for some reason. I have no idea.

Yeah, less secrets would be better in this world. I agree with your transparency piece because I operate the same way.

Yeah. So let's just kind of throw it out there. What kind of secrets do we keep? And I've got a couple of mine thoughts on that.

Or I should even ask you, when's the last time someone come to you, hey, can you, can you keep a secret?

Uh, to be honest, I, I couldn't even Tell you because every, you know, it's. My kids would never say that to me because, you know, again, we have open book with everybody, so there.

We just don't believe there should be secrets. It's just either you talk about it or you don't. But yeah, I can honestly say that I don't know when the last time somebody asked me to keep a secret.

Okay, very, very interesting. But we know there's lots of secrets out there that are being kept either very well or not so well. But here, here's one.

So a couple are having their first child. They just realize that they're pregnant and they want to keep it a secret, fight it at a couple people because it's exciting news.

But they maybe, let's say, want to keep it a secret because it's early on in the pregnancy and they're afraid that it, it just might not.

Someone jinx it.

Something will jinx it. So there's, there's a good example of where you might want to keep a secret. Yeah, yeah.

But again, if, if, if that got out, it's not world ending. It's just, you know, you're, you're trying to protect the early stages.

And you know, I think everybody's probably guilty of that is they don't want to say anything, but it's one of the most exciting thing that's going to happen in your life. So it's, it is hard to sit on that information.

Well, it's, it's like those gender re things too, where that's, that's a big secret and you can't tell anybody. And then next thing you know, it's either you're having a pink or blue balloon or a cake or a golf ball or whatever it is.

And yeah, next thing you know, the cat's out of the bag.

Yeah.

I think the bigger kind of secrets that would be probably more damaging and stuff is people that are, you know, infidelity in marriages and stuff like that.

That's where it gets messy where, you know, people are being secretive and, and you know, probably don't want anybody knowing anything, but it always comes out.

It always comes out.

And I guess probably that's why I don't bother keeping secrets because not that I don't trust anybody, it's just that it's so easy for someone just to pass on an information and whether it's innocent or not, even whether they've been told. Can you keep a secret? This is a secret. Some people just have loose lips and you have no control over that.

Yep, yep. So I'm agreeing. No secrets.

No secrets. But here. Here's a. Here's a challenging question.

If you did have a secret and you needed to confide in someone, how would you decide whether this person was worthy of keeping your secret?

It's a great question, my friend. Circle is very small. Very small. So it would probably have to be my wife if I'm talking to anybody. And, yeah, I don't know. It's.

And again, I think that you get to a point in your life where you just don't want to play those games. Right. You don't want to be.

I don't want to be privy to secrets because that means either somebody knows something that shouldn't, or there's more going on than meets the eye. So. So, yeah, I just. I. Yeah, that's interesting.

Well, here's. Here's the opposite thing. Do you know anybody that simply can't keep a secret? Because I do. I do.

For sure. Oh, for sure. It's one of those where you. If you know, you wanted to get out, you tell the one person but say, don't tell anybody because it's.

It's getting out.

Well, that's a good point, because I was thinking about my sister. She. She couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it.

So you're right if you want the information to get out, because there was a piece of information yesterday. It was kind of sensitive. And of course, I. I'm talking to her, and I say, well, I'm doing this, this, and this. Well, what going on? What's going on?

So I tell her, and I come home and I tell my wife. She says she's going to tell your brother right away. Next thing you know, I get a text from my brother today. What's going on?

So that's funny.

Yeah. So I. I guess it's human nature, but, yeah, there are times where you really got to keep a secret.

And here's another one, just this, based on our conversation before the podcast started. I'm in line for a job. I go and have the interview. I get the phone call, I'm told I get the job, but I can't tell anybody.

Yeah, that one's different because, you know, I've been in that position, too, where I was, you know, offered a job, but they had to exit the person that was in the position. So if word got out prior, then you'd lose everything.

Yeah, those ones are a little more, you know, if you have to sign an NDA, that gets a little More serious. But, but yeah, again, it depends on the, the circumstance. But that, that, that's a game changer if you don't keep that secret.

Well, and just taking it a couple steps further, if someone does confide in you and they tell you a secret and you think it's causing them harm, what do you do about that? That's a whole different ball game, a whole different dynamic to the situation for sure.

Yeah. You know, if it's something that's going to cause somebody some, you know, extreme harm and stuff like that, I think you have to take action on that.

That's just got to live with your conscience and, and your actions. So if you break a secret, but if it's for the greater good, then it's going to happen.

But, but I'll tell you again, if someone were to confide me saying, hey, look, this isn't good, I shouldn't be doing this, but can you keep a secret? Answers, no, I won't. I care too much about you. This is what's going to happen with this. I'm sorry, that's just the way I feel.

And this seems like a silly question, but when does the secret no longer become a secret and you tell that.

Person with the loose lips when the,.

When the cat's out of the bag. And there's been a couple times where I've been, hey, can you keep a secret?

I'm told the secret and then like literally 30 seconds later I'm hearing it from someone else, I'm going, what the.

Yeah, I guess we might have different versions of what secrets are, I guess. Yeah.

But at the end of the day, I guess there's some practical reasons to have secrets, but not for any length of time, I would suggest.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because if it's, yeah. If it's just incident specific or, or whatnot, that's one thing.

But yeah, to your point, if it goes on and on and on, then you're, you're a part of that by knowing some information.

Would it be difficult to live a life without secrets?

I think so. No. Would it be difficult to live without secrets? I don't think so.

I don't think so either.

No. Yeah, I would prefer it because. Yeah.

And then it's an interesting topic because I think it's also age relevant where, you know, when you're in your te teens and probably early 20s, there's a lot more secrets that you're trying to keep. Oh, I stole this pack of cigarettes from my parents. Don't tell anybody here.

You know what I Mean, but, you know, as you get older, I think people realize they want less drama and stuff in their life, so they might not be as apt to. To hold secrets.

Yeah, I was just thinking about that maybe tapping in the mom and dad's liquor cabinet while they're away or something like that as a teenager. I'm not saying I've.

No, no, no, I haven't done that.

No, that would have been.

I'll keep that secret, Tom. It's fine.

Here's a. Here's a good example. So I was. I'll say in a borrowed. Maybe I shouldn't have been. I confided in my sister. A loose lips. No.

Big mistake.

Guess where that went back to.

Yep.

So I went back there. I said, I told you it was a secret. Yeah. Lessons learned.

You knew from that point on.

Yeah. So there's some value in. In having that secret shared. Inadvertently. I'll call it inadvertently.

Because I think what it was, though, was that she was in so much trouble all the time. She had. She had a. She had some dirt on me that she could share.

That's valuable. That's valuable at the younger age.

Silly question, but who owns this secret once you give it? Is it person that has the secret or is it the people that the secret is given to?

Or I think it's the person who held the secret. It's their choice to share it, but that was on them that they shared it.

So if they didn't want it to get out, they really just shouldn't have talked to anybody about it. But you're taking a risk by telling somebody.

All right, so this whole possession is 9, 10 of the law. Maybe look at a stock.

Because if it all came out, then it would be a. Wait a minute. You knew this whole time? It's like, yes. Danger, danger.

I know. If someone come up to you, can I keep a secret? I can keep a secret. I just don't know the value. And I tell you that.

Yeah.

And.

And, you know, I think that as you get older, too, if somebody tells you a secret, you kind of go, okay, great. If people knew about that, it's not big of a deal. They just. Or maybe are embarrassed or something. But yeah, it's.

I'm sure in your previous line of work, you didn't hear too many people keeping secrets.

No, no, no. I think it was funny. There wasn't my investigation, but it of course was a homicide investigation. And the.

I'll say, the suspect got a tattoo on his back. It's only a secret between two People when one is dead.

Ah, yes, I've heard that one before.

Of course the person that he. That his life he took was the one that they were sharing the secret. So.

Right. Yeah, that's. I think I know what realm that's from. So yeah, that's two can keep a secret if one's dead. Yeah, I've heard that.

Yeah. And of course that's a secret to the grave. No, no, no doubt. Yep. Again, that's a whole different dynamic altogether for sure. So yeah.

And let's just talk about integrity for a second. So if I'm asking you to keep a secret and I don't know whether I would call it an integrity test because I would. Again, getting back to that.

I'm confiding you because I trust you. But there is a certain amount of integrity that kind of floats in the air when I'm. When I'm asking you to keep that secret, wouldn't you think?

Yeah, I agree.

Yeah.

And you know, if it's something of importance and it is a close friend, you would think to trust them and you just need to share.

But yeah, if, if said person went and divulged something, then that is a bit of a flag that kind of shows you where they sit in your true friend realm. If you know, you confided in them and asked them not to say anything and they did. It's unfortunate, but it shows you some of these stripes.

Oh yeah. It certainly deserves a follow up conversation for. For sure. But so secrets behind secrets is really asking are they really secrets or not?

At the end of the day, it's just hidden gossip. Oh, I love that. Hidden gossip. But unfortunately, and this is no secret because it happens all the time.

That music is telling us this episode has come to an end.

It's not ever afraid to tell us. That's for sure.

Though keeping a secret really speaks to whether you can be trusted or not. It is nothing to be taken lightly.

Although there will be times when you need to share a secret to prevent harm to someone when posed with this challenge. Don't agree to keep the secret, just the opt. Explain the reasons why, why secrets may or may not have a shelf life.

To determine this, ask who does the secret belong to? And the desire to share the information in the future.

That's. I think that's good information to arm yourself with if you're, you know, put in that spot to.

To keep a secret because yeah, different things are weighted differently to different people.

So you just don't know can keep a secret. I can.

I can. This is being recorded, but I can keep a secret.

Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you. To learn more about E-walkabout, please visit us at ewalkabout.ca.