Episode summary introduction:

Join TC & Maddog as they discuss the importance of bringing others along your journey of life and engaging their support to meet a collective success.

Throughout this episode, we explore the significance of collaboration, emphasizing that sharing experiences—both triumphant and challenging—can lead to greater fulfillment and happiness. 

We also reflect on the necessity of seeking direction and assistance, particularly in light of the pervasive stigma surrounding mental health, especially among men. Join us as we navigate these vital themes and encourage a more interconnected approach to achieving success and well-being in our lives.

Topics discussed in this episode:

Our journey explores the concept of collaboration as a cornerstone of success and well-being. TC & Maddog share their conviction that the belief in solitary achievement is a fallacy; rather, they advocate for the idea that true fulfillment is often attained through shared experiences and mutual support. 

This continues with a reflective discourse about the societal pressures that inhibit individuals, particularly men, from seeking assistance, highlighting the urgent need to dismantle the stigma surrounding mental health issues. Throughout the episode, various strategies for fostering supportive relationships are discussed, including the importance of recognizing one’s limitations and the value of mentorship in navigating life’s challenges.

Listeners are presented with compelling statistics that underscore the gravity of mental health issues faced by men, including alarmingly high rates of suicide. These statistics serve as a sobering backdrop to the conversation, prompting the speakers to advocate for greater awareness and proactive engagement in mental health initiatives. They emphasize that reaching out for help should be normalized and that doing so is indicative of strength rather than weakness. As the episode progresses, the speakers share personal anecdotes that illustrate the transformative power of connection and support in their own lives, reinforcing the central message that we are stronger together.

In the latter portion of the discussion, the speakers delve into the practical aspects of building relationships that foster collaboration and growth. They encourage listeners to actively seek out mentors and to cultivate networks that facilitate the exchange of ideas and resources. By emphasizing the notion that each individual has something valuable to contribute, the speakers inspire a sense of community and shared purpose. The episode concludes with an insightful reflection on the ongoing journey of self-discovery and the importance of remaining open to the guidance of others as one navigates the complexities of life, thereby reinforcing the idea that the pursuit of success is inherently a collective endeavor.

This episode intricately weaves together themes of connection, mental health, and the pursuit of success, presenting a profound commentary on the human experience. The speakers passionately argue that walking through life alone is not only unnecessary but detrimental to one’s overall well-being. They invite listeners to reconsider their perceptions of success, encouraging the exploration of how collaboration and support from others can greatly enhance personal fulfillment.

Throughout the conversation, the speakers draw attention to the societal stigma that often prevents individuals from seeking help, particularly in the context of mental health. They provide listeners with valuable insights into the alarming statistics surrounding men’s mental health and suicide rates, advocating for a cultural shift that embraces vulnerability and openness. By sharing personal stories and insights, they illustrate the power of connection in overcoming life’s challenges and achieving happiness.

The dialogue further explores the practicalities of building supportive networks, emphasizing the importance of mentorship and collaboration in professional and personal settings. The speakers encourage listeners to actively seek out relationships that foster growth and to be willing to share their own experiences for the benefit of others. In doing so, they reinforce the notion that success is not a solitary pursuit but a shared journey that thrives on community and support. The episode concludes with a call to action, urging listeners to embrace the interconnectedness of life and to cultivate a spirit of collaboration in their own endeavors, thus enriching their paths towards fulfillment.

Walkabout takeaways:

• The profound necessity of companionship is emphasized, as no individual should traverse life in solitude.
• The dialogue articulates the importance of sharing both triumphs and tribulations with others in our lives.
• This episode highlights the significance of seeking direction, as everyone occasionally requires guidance along their journey.
• Listeners are encouraged to foster connections that facilitate success, underscoring the value of collaborative relationships.
• A pivotal theme is the societal stigma surrounding men's mental health, which inhibits open discussions about seeking help.
• The conversation advocates for a paradigm shift, wherein asking for assistance is perceived as a strength rather than a weakness.

More about E-Walkabout:

To learn more about Electronic Walkabout visit us at   www.ewalkabout.ca.

If you want to read more “Thoughts of the Day” check out TC’s Book at Amazon:

“St. Mike's Fortunes”https://a.co/d/j5dGhBK 

A special thanks to Steven Kelly, our technical advisor, who keeps trying to teach these old dogs new tricks when it comes to sounds and recording!!

“Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you!”

Electronic Walkabout. No one should have to walk through life alone. We share the good times, the bad times, and the best times.

Everyone needs a little direction now and again. And TC and Maddog are here to show you the way. A podcast where we talk about the important things in life. Come journey with us.

The Electronic Walkabout. Well, good afternoon, good morning, and good day around the world. It's a gorgeous sun, sunny day in the valley.

And how are you this fine day, Maddog?

It is hard to be negative when the sun is shining. It's a beautiful day and we live where we live. So I am doing very well. And you, sir, you already said I.

Got some color in my skin because I've been out in the backyard doing a little bit of yard work and of course, enjoying the sunshine. So everything's thumbs up.

You could have fooled me. Look like you were just in Hawaii.

Or as they say, elbows up.

There you go.

These days, I'm not sure. Today we're going to take a journey with a pointed message to our listeners and that we were never meant to walk alone.

Now that's the message we send daily on our podcast. But today we're going to expand on it and take away the belief that to be successful, we have to do it alone.

We're going to talk about how we engage others to set us up for the most success and happiness in life.

I like it. No, that's. Yeah, that was good.

Okay. But first is always the thought for the day. So listening to the radio the other day and there's always something positive you hear in the radio.

So professor at UBC who does studies on men's health talks about this heads up, guys. Promotion they have on right now. So right. Right away they're looking for donations. I'll explain more in a second. I think it Start.

Started the 1st of June, goes to the middle of June, but. And it's really to do with men's mental health.

And I'm going to start with some stats and then I'm going to share with you a website that you can go to for resources. So if you find yourself in that, in that situation where I need to reach out, there's a place you can go.

That's great.

Okay. Die by suicide at a much higher rate than women do. Three times the rate in Canada. Scary. It is scary.

Suicide is a leading cause of death for men under 50 years old. Men are much less likely than women to get help for their mental health.

We've talked about this before and I used to think it was a cultural thing in policing, but it's not. Apparently it's across the board when it comes to men. We just like to keep everything inside because that's so healthy.

Oh sure, yeah, there's nothing. Bottling everything up and not asking for help doesn't usually work out.

And just, just to build that, over 75% of men who complete our depression check a depression screening tool, meet the criteria for probable depression. Now heads up guys. The website is Heads up guys.org H E A D S U P g u y s.org and their vision.

We envision a world where men make mental health a priority and suicide is no longer a top five cause of death for men of any age.

That would be an ideal world.

Our mission to support men to improve their mental health, reduce their risks of suicide and inspire them to live happier, healthier lives. Our mandate to improve mental health literacy among men, reduce stigma.

Our men and their friends, families and communities with strategies for effective self management and support their uptake of mental health services.

You know, the initiatives like that are fantastic and you've seen, I've seen a few and you know, I think in the last handful of years it has finally come to the forefront that you know, mental health and men coping or dealing is, is an issue. And yeah, so it's great to hear these. There's another one called, you know, it's okay to not be okay.

Got a couple of friends that have gone through a fair amount of trauma and they've, they've gone down and you use those support systems. So it's nice that they're there for those that are willing enough to use.

It and, and always hear those stories like where, where someone's at their darkest of our darkest hour and all of a sudden.

And I think there's one story on the website that speaks to that where if it weren't for the website that maybe that individual wouldn't be with us any longer because of suicide.

So question. Do you think it's like just men's ego or their lack of comfortability to talk about their feelings?

Because with that this rampant of a, of an issue with these stats, there's gotta be some underlying common factor that is just preventing men from getting help.

Well, first of all, adultos that scare the heck out.

Oh absolutely.

And I, and I think it's really that, that inability for men to be open about their feelings, sharing their feelings because in, in their mandate it's a reduced stigma and stigma is a big thing and because if I share my feelings with you, it's going to make me look weak. Yes, that's the thought.

Yeah. So here's a question. Do you think the term mental health is too broad? It's too much of a brushstroke just to.

Because there's a lot of different things in there. And I don't know if, you know, if somebody says, well, I'm just having mental health issues, like, do people know what that means?

Like the severity of it? You know what I mean? Like, is it. Or is it just too broad of a term?

It is too broad of a term.

Right.

So, and then, and I. All this, I'll just put it this way and I'll say it in a positive way that we've come miles ahead.

So if we want to kind of break it down, if we want to just say it's men's mental health and when that means maybe that's the way to do it if it's student mental health or whatever it is. But then again, you do have to break it down because there's so many challenges when it comes to managing your own mental health.

And whether you need medication, counseling or whatever it is, or both of them, it's just going to be case by case. Yeah, sure.

No, but, you know, kudos for these organizations to be there for, for men that need.

But it's, but you know, and just kind of a funny thing, they, they, they do it for like a two week. And, and really what it was is kind of a more, hey, bat resources out there for you.

It's more an advertisement more than anything, and it does allow you to go there. And if you wish to make a donation, it. You're totally open to doing that.

All right, so that's great.

So topic of can, in order to be successful, can you do it by yourself?

I'm sure some can, but I would say that for the most part, I would assume people would need to rely on others to assist them, to get them to certain levels.

Okay, so that's a good start. Now the simple question, because I want to start really, really simple here. What the heck is success anyhow?

It is measured differently by many people. You look at it financially, health, relationship, it all depends as to what is important to you and how you measure things in your life.

Okay, so would it be fair to say. And let's, let's define what we think success is? Happiness with our loved ones and going through life the way we're meant to.

Yeah. Yeah. See, again, it's. Success is a broad stroke. It could mean many different things, but.

And just to kind of build on that, there's going to be different kinds. You're going to, I'll say, enjoy throughout your life.

So for example, if I'm thinking about Connor McDavid right now and arguably the number one hockey player in Canada, he's actually very successful on the ice right now. So is it, is it fair to say he can go on forever like that?

Well, he can't, no.

So he's got a transition from, let's say, hockey to something else.

But in between, as much as he might enjoy that success he has today, he has to look at a different kind of success tomorrow and learn more importantly how to enjoy that to make his life happier.

Well, and I think with, you know, high level athletes, that's a challenge where they go from being the stars at a sport where they just absolutely crush, crush it and, and, you know, outperform everybody to. They retire. And now what, right now what do I do? Some of them turn into analysts on TV and you know, others do camps and stuff like that.

But that's a big transition.

And I remember hearing a stat that, you know, chronic gambling is an issue with retired professional athletes because that's the, the last edge that they get from that win because they can't get it anymore from playing the sport.

Interesting.

Yeah, interesting. Yeah. So it's, yeah, just a little tidbit of info there for you.

Well, okay, so then who decides when actually you realize success? Who makes that decision? Obviously you're saying it's individual for sure and it varies. Right? So.

Yeah, yeah, it's a self again, if you have goals and, you know, achievements set out for yourself, when you complete those, you feel successful. So, you know, it could be, oh, this week I have so much yard work to do. I gotta trim these trees and do the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You're gonna feel successful after you complete all that.

The next person might be struggling with their relationship and then they end up repairing it and living a happy, healthy life, then that's a different type of success. So again, it's, I think it's just graded different.

It's graded different. But again, getting back to. And if, if you can find that happiness doing, let's say, what you want to do as a career that's successful.

And I don't mean making a lot of money either because that's, that's, that's good and bad for everybody. Right?

Really is, because I think I may have said it before because you have a lot more money, doesn't Mean, you know how to manage that money, that is. And you got yourself, if you were to figure that out, I would say is a major success.

So getting back to what I was saying, like, can you be successful alone? And your response to that was, well, some people can.

Now for those people that can't, do you think it's easy for them to reach out and say, hey, I need help?

No. This goes exactly back to what we were talking about, about men's mental health, just asking for help.

I'm sure a lot of males just take that as a sign of weakness. Oh no, no. I'd just rather figure it out myself. I don't want to ask anybody for help.

And it's just a, it's a very closed minded old way of doing things where, you know, it might but just be one very simple thing that you need to tweak that somebody could see with outside eyes. And you know, does that make you weak because you asked them for help? No.

See, and part of that, and I'll, I'll give kind of a funny example in a second here. Part of that is understanding what your limitations are.

And I'll say, be one with those limitations because if you can be comfortable saying, I'm not very good at that, then I think it's much easier to lean on someone that says that's the go to or the guru or the, that person that's going to kind of help you along the way or. So we just bought a barbecue and it comes in a million pieces.

And I hate following instructions and putting this bolt with this nut and it's got to be this long. Yeah. And, and I got it together.

But I said to Jeanette afterwards, I said, I said, you're not going to be surprised when I tell you this, but this is not, this is not my happy place. When I'm putting these things together. I'd rather have someone do it for me.

Sure.

But I know that's one of my limitations.

Yeah.

Because there's a time where either you strip a nut or you've tightened too tight that you shouldn't have. Of course, I've learned you don't do that.

You will. Sure, but, but you did it yourself.

I did it myself. And, and some people say, well, well, yeah, that's because that's what men are supposed sports.

Either either that or throw away the instruction book and see what they can do.

Right. But no, and you know, that's a form of success, you know, is you were in an uncomfortable place, you didn't want to do it. But you did it.

So I call it a barbecue. It's not really a barbecue. It's a griddle. Okay.

Okay.

So apparently you have to cure a griddle.

Yes, you did. Yeah.

You're familiar with.

Yes, I am. Yeah.

I was doing the research on it, but apparently I'm not the guy did it.

Yes. I worked in kitchens for many years and early in my career. So, yeah.

So my son's gonna go over and he's gonna carry. He's gonna carry the griddle.

See, he asked for help. So as much as you built it yourself, you at least know limitations that you don't know how to carry.

Even putting up things on the wall, it's easier just to fall in the sun. The law is kind of in the business. Oh, yeah. He comes in with his measuring things and zip, zap, it's done me, I gotta. I gotta survey the situation.

I gotta look at the wall. I gotta do this, or it's just not good. Right? So.

So again, getting back that they're afraid to ask for help, but do you think there's something out that the. Some kind of message from society says, don't you ask for help, you just do it yourself.

You're capable of doing it yourself and don't bother reaching out. It's your. The expectation is you. You should be able to. For sure.

Yeah. Yeah. And again, guys are pretty hard on each other. That's probably one of the biggest issues of all this, you know, because you. If you.

If you did something with that barbecue and you didn't make it right. And it was lopsided, your wife might go, oh, okay, well, that's. Okay. Well, let's figure out how we can do that. But your buddy comes over.

It's like, what are you, an idiot? You don't know how to put that together. What's your problem? Right.

Okay. A bit of a confession. It. Well, so as I'm putting the. I'm putting the barbecue together and I look over and I get this extra piece.

There's no extra piece. I'm thinking, oh, my God, I gotta get this on somehow. And this is one of the pieces that should have gone on earlier in the process.

So did the piece make it onto.

Here's on. I'm thinking, oh, good. Otherwise it would have been, okay, I gotta take this part. That part. And I'm thinking, okay. And there was no offside word.

Jews.

Oh, that or the accomplishments yourself. That's how I learned all my swear words growing up was just helping my dad with tasks.

But if you were to reach out for help, who do you go to?

Where do you find these people who all of a sudden are the go to, let's say handyman, the go to computer geeks, the go to money managers that really are the people that you need to reach out to in order to, let's say, be successful in one area of your life or another.

Yeah. If those people aren't in your immediate network, do you pay for those services?

And you know, I'm, I'm finding now I'm in a transition period with my sons where they're bigger, stronger and smarter than they ever have been. And you know, now it's like, oh, I need to move these things from a high point. Okay, I'm going to get this fella because he's big and strong.

I need you to move this over here for me. Okay, I've got this problem here with this two by, okay, I'm going to grab my other son and say, hey, can you fix this for me? And you know what?

They, it's hard to let that go to being, you know, the person that they would always come to you and say, hey, can you f fix this? Can you do this? And then all of a sudden you're the one struggling and they're the ones that can actually help you.

So then that, that goes, I think back to the ego thing and, you know, humbling yourself a little bit and saying, oh, they're, they're, they're better than me at this, so I'm going to ask them for help. But that's not an easy thing to do.

Not an easy thing to do. I mean, doing the old job I did, I mean it's, and I always refer to it as a practice to get one good, get good at one skill or another.

You just kind of look around and say, well, who is the go to person?

And you developed a relationship with that, got to know on a first name basis and got advice regularly in order to hone your own skills in that respect. Right.

So, so with that was it, you know, during the, the time frame that you worked your career, we also talked about, you know, mental health. And that sort of stuff was just not a thing. It was never supported.

So back in those days when you reached out and asked for help, were you looked at differently? Did people cast judgment because you couldn't figure it out yourself or that.

That's a, that's a tough question to answer. And I'll tell you why.

Because first of all, getting back to the whole stigma thing, the thought was if even if I did in my mind reach out for help, that was it. I pretty well painted myself on the label and that and that. And then you're hesitant to even do.

Sure.

Right. They, they did have. They call them MAF members, that members assistance program. And the, the role of those individuals were basically to point the.

A person in the right direction for resources and whether it be, let's say, mental health challenges, financial challenges as well.

Because that. In the 80s, though, like, were they. How far. When did that.

Yeah, it would have been in the 80s, though. But I don't, I don't know how effective that program was.

It's, it's, it was there in principle.

Yeah. I will, I will tell you this, that depending on your role, depending on the police organization, you might have, let's say a mental health.

I say checkup every year depending on the job you're doing. Let's say you're into, let's say homicide. It would make sense that you would kind of see someone every year, just say, hey, at least, or things go.

But it wasn't always the case.

Yeah.

And then I remember I was talk to a professional about this and, and I said at time you got the impression it was just a check the box exercise. And I'm not saying that that's the case now, but that sense was there. Okay. I went and saw the doctor, I said I'm okay. He said okay. And he.

That was it.

Yeah.

And then when I was talking to this professional, it was like, but, but no one really drilled down. They just took it. Okay. He said he's fine. Right. So maybe there should have been some, let's say a little bit of digging around to see really.

Because again, getting back to the whole stigma. I'm fine off. I could have anything. Right.

So, yeah. And you know, hopefully over the years that has expanded and broadened and they hopefully go deeper. And I'm sure that they do nowadays.

Yeah. Reaching out to find someone sometimes. And this is my own experience, these people you just come across.

But I mean the, the, the first person naturally speaking is dad. Right? You're, you're relying on dad to say, okay, what do I do in this situation? And dad was, dad was a fantastic handyman.

So I don't know what happened with, with his genes with me, but I.

Said, yeah, no, my dad was not. So I, I just, I got those jeans, honestly.

Yeah. But, but yeah, so like there was that and he just was almost like you watched and you learned and part of it was the Whole confidence that I can.

I can do anything I put my mind to. That's the biggest thing that. That I think I learned from that.

Yeah. And now they've got, you know, Dr. YouTube or Mr. Fixit. YouTube.

And you can almost find anything on there, which is great as a start, but you eventually hit a roadblock that you can't pass because you don't have the skills.

There is. I used to joke about it because.

And contrary to what people think, we do get a little snow in the lower mainland from now and again, which requires the use of a snow shovel. And I used to joke that, yeah, I just got a snow shovel and I. I just piped up the YouTube video showing my son how to make it work.

That's fantastic.

But again, like, okay, other than that, I mean, you come across these people and, you know, they've got something that you. So there's only one way you're going to get it.

Yep.

You got to. You got to start developing that relationship. And it's. And when I say a relationship, it means give and take. Right.

It's not just give me, give me, give me, give me. Although there are some people are apt to do that.

Selfish about it. Yeah.

I know that we talked a little bit about it on one of our other podcasts where in, let's say, in your work environment, there's. There was this one manager that you had that was kind of your go to. How did that relationship kind of come to life? Do you remember that at all?

You know, it was just. Yeah. His name was Phil Clark. He's unfortunately since passed away, but he just was like everybody's dad.

Like, he just gave off that vibe that it was okay to talk to him. He was the very first person that suggested that I go to counseling when my first marriage. And I was like, what, I was like 19 or 20. And.

And, you know, he. He did that. But I always, just every time he helped out, he gained a little more trust, a little more confidence, and.

And he just had that natural way of doing it. And. And I was very fortunate to cross Pat.

Oh, wow. And again, that I. We would call that a bless, a blessing in disguise. Fair to say. So that relationship, it just kind of naturally happen.

Yeah. And I just always had great respect for the man, and he never made me feel bad about asking for anything regarding work. So. Yeah, just.

He just fostered it. So.

Okay, so let me ask you this. I mean, if someone were to tap you on their shoulder and say, I need a hand with this out of the Other thing, of course it was.

If it's in your wheelhouse, what would be your response to that?

I, it's funny because I model myself after Phil when it comes to how a manager does. So I try to be as supportive as I can. I'm just, I'm big on collaboration. You know, don't.

There's many people that have probably done things that you're trying to do, and they've probably got some ideas as to how to do it. Right. So I'm a big proponent for asking for help and, and using others to assist you in getting things done.

So does it, does it make sense that if I've never done, let's say this job or that job, that I have to make the same mistakes that you did in order to be successful? Does that make sense?

No, it does not. I, I, well, see, there's this thing called training that's supposed to happen with, with, with stuff, but.

Sorry, what was the question about making that same mistake that someone else has over and over and over again?

It's just like, it's almost like reinventing the wheel and somehow, and I, and, and don't get me wrong, because I think, think that there's got to be a little pain that's felt before you issue the question of how long do you wait before you kick it in gear, Say, okay, here's some thoughts. And I'm not saying do it my way.

No, because that's one of the things that, that I'm, I don't expect if I'm, let's say if I'm working with you, I don't want you to mirror what I'm doing. No, I'll, I'll, I'll share with you what I think will help you be successful. And I want you to develop your own.

Sure, exactly. Make it your own.

And make it your own for sure.

Yeah, no, it's. Information sharing is a big thing and, you know, if you aren't working with and supporting your team, then you're against them. Right.

So I encourage my teams to always, always, always ask for help. And if you did something and you did it wrong and you didn't ask for help, I'm probably going to talk to you about it.

And the flip side of that, if you did something and you did it really, really well, I'd like to see that shared with people as well.

Absolutely. Yeah. We do bi. Monthly calls and it's a lot of sharing. You know, if something works in one region, why wouldn't we copy and paste in another?

And get the same success when you give the kudos to the person that kind of spearheaded it and, and it just. It creates a very healthy environment of learning and just growth.

Yeah. I mean, I like to say that. That you challenge yourself. So in other words, it's safe to say, okay, what.

What am I going to do this week that outshone what I did last week, knowing very well that I might have to reach out to someone to make that happen and, and get in the habit of doing that.

Because if you get in the habit of, like, going up to someone you don't know that you know that's got a skill set that you want to tap into, and you just be comfortable with that because you, one, that it's going to help you be successful. Number two, maybe you can pay it forward something. Doesn't it get any better than that?

Yeah. And it adds to your toolbox that, to your point, you hopefully can share with somebody else down the road.

There's that music played again.

Or at least we're not listening to it alone.

Oh. So you know what? Always keep your eyes and ears open for those special people that walk into your life bearing gifts.

When it comes to finding a mentor, it often means finding more than one mentor. Unless you really find that Jack of all traits whose masks revolve. And I think they that person is an urban myth.

Yes. It's a career legend.

Keep in mind, it's a relationship. This means give and take. And I would guess a mentor will learn just as much or more in that relationship. I'm only guessing.

Don't be afraid to share the positive. You learn with others.

Yeah. Don't be afraid to ask. And don't be afraid to get help when it's asked.

For now, I'm just going to leave you with this thought. Thought if you were on a desert island, make it the one that everyone wants to join.

I'm by myself again. I got to rely on myself. But I don't know. Tom's island might look better than Jesus.

Well, it depends on how I build it, right? That's true. That is true. Remember to take advantage of the moment before the moment takes advantage of you.

To learn more about e walkabout, please visit us at ewalkabout.

Cat Sam.