Freedom Through Forgiveness: Liberating Your Mind, Body, and Soul

Episode 51 • 3rd August 2023 • The Hope Station • Diane Belz

SPEAKERS

Diane Belz

Hello, and thank you for pulling into The Hope Station. I am your host, Diane Belz.

Today, I'm celebrating one year at the hope Station. Well, technically, one year, this isn't the anniversary, but my goal was to get to 52 episodes. And today's episode is number 51. And what I'm going to be doing is sort of a look back, looking back at my amazing guests, their amazing transformational stories and putting into context what I have learned through their heroic journey from hopelessness, to hope, to now delivering hope to other people.

Let me tell you, it wasn't an easy journey. I had ventured into podcasting about seven years ago, and I stopped at 11 episodes. What that did is it really made me doubt. Do I have the perseverance to stick to that? Can I finish this? Can I stay focused, and as of today, being that this is episode number 51. I am just one episode shy of my goal of 52 episodes.

So what was stopping me a lot of doubt, a lot of fear, a lot of perfectionism and procrastination because all I could do was say, this is so daunting. See, I felt I was called to birth this podcast. And when I heard that calling, ask God, how do I do that? How can I possibly deliver 52 insight into hope. So what I did was get stuck in fear. And then I heard something different. I don't have to do this on my own. The this calling was not mine alone.

Instead of me doing it solo, which I did do, I think for a 11. And look, this will be 12 episode. I also invited other people into the story to give other people hope. And what I love about it is that they were able to share their heartfelt, beautiful stories. That were so different than mine, that not only were they bringing hope to you as the listener, they were bringing hope to me as well.

And let me tell you, when you decide to team up and I try to do things all by yourself, things can happen. And what a difference that one decision of turning this into an interview based podcast made and me getting this done. Because what happened is, number one, I love to interview, I've had over 15,000 interviews as a former HR executive, a recruiter and a coach. I love stories. From as long as I can remember, I was an avid book reader and TV watcher. I loved stories. And what I love most is transformation. Seeing what the power of the human spirit is capable of doing, even in the most absolutely horrific, horrendous, hopeless situation that they can rise. And they did and I want to call them my heroes.

So for the next five episodes, what I'm going to do is a recap. Look at what I've learned, look at what I feel these guests had in common, and bring their stories again to life. But do it under the context of what are the characteristic of these heroes. Because I call them heroes whenever you are in a hopeless situation and decide to step out and do something about it. You're my hero, because hopelessness is a killer. I don't know where I heard this. You probably heard it as well that a man can live, what is it 40 days without food, three days without water, couple minutes without air, and just seconds without hope.

I'm the big believer in the power of hope. And let me tell you, my guests brought it, they brought their stories of hope. What I've learned through this is when you change your story, you change your life. But when you tell your story, now, you're changing the lives of others.

You might wonder what do you mean change your story, I'm not talking about lying or embellishing. I'm talking about stepping into a new chapter of the story that you're living now and consciously to choosing to change the direction that their story was taking them. So in that choice, I saw my guests changing their story from being abused a victim to becoming an advocate. Changing their story from struggling, struggling with addiction, struggling with abuse, to become a freedom fighter, helping other people gain freedom, changing their stories from being challenged, to becoming a change maker.

They're making things happen in their niche, in their community, with their clients with their customers. There are they are changemakers. They've changed their story from desperation to restoration. They changed their stories from being sick and in pain, to being not only healed, but now a healer. I'm in awe of what my guests have been through the challenging circumstances that change their lives.

And I also love how God interceded in their stories, to transfer their pain and their problems into their purpose. They feel this is what they were built to do. And all of them said that what they've been through was worth it to get to the other side. But that other side was always a journey. And I love that they were willing to share that with us.

And for me, these stories are proof that God says He works all things for good. The challenges that I have is sometimes that good takes some time to happen. And so they're their stories change my life. I have a whole different perspective, understanding empathy. Just how do people do thist, and to be able to sit in their story and just listen, what an absolute gift. And I get to listen to it again as the editor, so double blessed through their stories. What I love is that they're taking that pain and they really are dedicated to changing the lives of others from being an abused wife now to helping people who are in abuse, get out of that situation and move forward. When you're struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, getting out of that story. And now helping others get freedom in their life. It's amazing that they had to learn these lessons the hard way, and each one will have said that. Now, they go out and teach an easier way to others. Others who are struggling from the same pain, similar type circumstances, they're showing them a path to freedom.

So even though each story was unique, each story had a different beginning, middle end characters circumstances situation. There were common themes and that's what this episode today is about common themes to their story that I really feel is worth noting and learning how to apply to your life. So today, I will share one of those common themes and why I think that this was essential for all of my guests to live a hopeful, purposeful and joyful life. So I'm calling this five part series "Five Essentials to Leading a Hope Filled Life".

And today's episode, The first essential is forgiveness. And I'm calling it Freedom Through Forgiveness, Liberating Your Mind, Body and Soul. I have to say forgiveness was a central theme for some of my favorite podcasts.

Why were these my favorite podcasts? Because I know personally how difficult forgiving is to do. I also know how forgiveness is absolutely freeing. And I was delighted, absolutely delighted to share their freedom journey through forgiveness. Most of my guests are Christians and seek God's counsel on how they were to heal.

And what was revealed to them, that an essential part of their healing was to step into forgiveness. So not only were they saying yes to forgiving others, they were also stepping in to forgive themselves, sometimes for the pain that they caused the problems that they cause the challenges that maybe in hindsight, they would have made different decisions. And I'm so proud of them. That's why I'm calling them my heroes. Because forgiveness is so powerful.

And they were shining example of the power of forgiveness. And why is forgiveness so powerful? Because it's the counter to unforgiveness, which is also powerful. So you might say, well, that's just a religious way of looking at things. Well, let's say there's a different way of looking at things. And that comes through studies, and one of them through Johns Hopkins went through what they feel is what happens when unforgiveness is found. And it's found to be responsible for a variety of illnesses. And that's both physical and emotional. So this was hard to understand and believe, but I had a couple of guests who talked about what unforgiveness was doing within their own bodies.

So unforgiveness per, the John Hopkins study can lead to heart attacks, high cholesterol, or sleep. How many of you are suffering from that. Pain that doctors can't even figure out what this pain is coming from. It could be from unforgiveness, it's just welling up in their body, high blood pressure, emotional components, anxiety, depression and stress.

Evidence is that was my first guest Irene Bryan. I'm so grateful for her because she just taught me so much. She was willing to be like my test run into the into The Hope Station podcast. Sh e attributed her unforgiveness to causing her throat cancer. She was diagnosed with stage four throat cancer and they want it to cut out her tongue. Think about that. So she went through traditional treatments that left her weak and close to death. But after going to a spiritual revival meeting, she was prayed over and after forgiving, releasing deep, embedded unforgiveness associated with her husband. She was free from cancer, but doctors. We don't know how that happened. They hate to say that word, but it was a miracle. And 25 years later, she's still cancer free stage for cancer, close to having her tongue cut out.

I don't know if that's scary enough for you to say maybe I need to look inside myself. Is there something causing this? Could I have activated cancer somewhere on my body through unforgiveness? I'm not sure. But I know another example. One of them is my uncle who attributed his throat cancer to the bitterness and resentment he felt for so many years. These were his words not mine. And forgiveness was the path to his emotional healing. He went from an old curmudgeon into a man that I just love to sit and talk to he's Joy was evident. It was palatable. It's like I want to be in your presence. And he attributed to all of that this new fan like that he had with forgiveness.

And recently on my second favorite podcast because upstate shouldn't have to be my first at the Ed Mylett show his guests Jesse Lee Ward. She speaks about the power of forgiveness as well. And the pain of unforgiveness. She attributes the onset of her own cancer, to the unforgiveness she held towards her mother. Jesse Lee is working hard to heal from stage four colon cancer, she had surgery. And she is choosing to forgive as part of the healing process. So I am just grateful on such a large podcast that she is talking about this. And my prayers are for her healing, but also for advocating the power of forgiveness.

Just want you to think for a moment. What a beautiful world we would have if we all said yes to forgiveness. Simple thing, like forgiving the person who cuts out in front of you. Forgiving the person who might have been to your car in the parking lot. Forgiveness is someone who ran the red light and almost hit you. Just release it, let it go. No more honking horns, cursing hand gestures, forgiveness.

So if you are having trouble forgiving, I just want to give you a little bit of hope. You're not alone. There was a nonprofit survey done by the Fetzer Institute. And this survey revealed that 62% of American adults, a really large number, says they need more forgiveness in their personal lives. We just like to harbor and hold on to things we're holding this big bag of unforgiveness, and it's not good for us. The evidence is there. And the evidence comes from my guests as well, these studies.

You've probably heard this before, but I still feel it's definitely worth repeating. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person died. But think about that. And when we drink, where it is a pass through our throat, and it passes out through our colon. I don't know if that has anything to do with anything. But I'm just saying, Here's three people who talked about the bitterness and unforgiveness and where their cancer resided.

I know the power of forgiveness from my own experience, like I've said before, and from those around me. And for those who hold on to this unforgiveness. Like they won't let it go, that person isn't worthy of forgiving, there is a price to pay. And as Irene had said, a steep one, stage four throat cancer where they're going to cut out your tongue, and your now down to like 90 wappen pounds. So sick, it's hard to get out of bed that and even think, even think that there's a possibility that you could survive this to being 25 years cancer free. Hey that's some evidence right there.

And those who chose to forgive, they receive what they call as a gift of freedom. They're taking their lives back, they're not letting a circumstance or a person define their life. They're not gonna let that circumstance shackle them to a point or a problem. A time in their life. They're setting themselves free. So what they've done instead, as they build a new life, they change their story. They changed their life. And now they have a purposeful life. And part of that is sharing their story with you. When I first spoke with one of my guests, Mirabelle cat, she could not publicly speak about the abuse she shot suffered as a child. And I knew she would pull it holding something back because she was very willing to talk about the abuse that her daughter had been a victim of as well. There's a mother and a daughter both struggling from sexual abuse as a child, young children. I'm talking for five years old.

When I had the opportunity to talk to my to Marvel again, I asked her to come back when she was ready to share because I can feel it like there was a tension. She wanted to sell a book. She didn't want to tell her story. And when she did come back, that was the first time that she publicly shared that story. Freeing. And then she encouraged her daughter Jurnee, Johnson to share her story as well. I love these two ladies, they are brave. They are advocates. They are out there trying to do something rather than hold on to that unforgiveness, they're looking to set others free. And they have these beautiful books that Marvel writes and Jurnee illustrates that are really helping young kids with trauma, helping them to prevent situations and circumstances that could cause trauma to happen. You know, being brave, being willing to tell people if the story you know, if they have a story that needs to be told about someone touching them, or physically harming them or abusing them. So that's why I'm calling their their journeys, hero stories. Because they persevered through setback, neither one said that the forgiveness journey was easy. But they did remain committed. They demonstrated let me tell you a fierce determination to move forward and help others break free from their own shackles.

And the joy listening to them listening to them talk mother and daughter it was just a beautiful experiences like I was privy to a very touching and hard conversation. And I felt totally blessed by them. Let me tell you, their story brought me to tears. And right now when you're looking at the movie Sound of Freedom with Jim Caviezel and talk about trafficking of young children and just hearing Marvel and journey story of how horrific This is. Yes, I'm a believer of we need to do something about pedophilia and other problems that are surrounding these children. The you can listen to Marvel and journey story there episodes 13 and 14.

So I just looked and said think, how do you forgive someone that took away your childhood. That raped you, or that emotionally abused you as a spouse. Or forgive your child who left you with their two young children because of their drug addiction. Heidi Jeremenko did and she shares in episode number two her beautiful story of forgiveness as well. And what the Lord brought her through the journey, he brought her through to forgiveness. And now Heidi has a relationship with her daughter. She's very proud of what her daughter is doing right now.

So, I just felt really awed, all inspired, by their ability to forgive and really difficult situation. But what's also was awe inspiring and awe striking, with the power of forgiveness, and how it paid an integral role in their healing process.

So I've said this, the people that I love who struggle with unforgiveness themselves. I said, if you've ever prayed rewards prayer, and I grew up Catholic, the Our Father, if you've ever recited that, you've asked God to forgive you. Listen to this, as you have forgiven others. So if you're feeling this pressure right now, just hearing this podcast, that palatable reaction to what I'm saying, it might be because I poked a place that is true for you. You don't know what's causing this pain, this depression, this anxiety, this stress. But through some reflection, there might be someone that you need to forgive. And might be something so small that you've forgotten it. It might feel unnecessary. It's no big deal. I'm just letting it go.

Yet, unforgiveness is like a seed that you plant in your soul. And each time you think about the situation or that person, and you can feel like the anger and the whatever these negative emotions rise up. You start ruminating over it, you can't stop thinking of it. Like you're planting, throwing fertilizer onto that seed and it will grow. Unforgiveness has almost like a vine effect. Right? It's it's moving around, moving along hooking onto your organs and causing damage.

So who might you need to forgive first? If you're anything like me, yourself? Start with yourself. And I think if you can see the amazing power that unforgiveness has or has on you. And then you can see the amazing power of forgiving yourself and what that can do for you. It'll give you like, whose next? This feels so good that I set myself free. What if I set other people free?

Two people that come to mind is my guest Pam Button she was episode 48. And Hannah Kolehmainen, who was episode 31, they both come to mind. And their transformations are proof when you finally set yourself through forgiveness, you are indeed free. They held on to these shameful secrets. And by sharing them. Being vulnerable. Being heroic enough to come out from the darkness into the light and share them almost like they're giving others permission, encouragement, come on Come into the light, it feels so much better.

And what had happened is that they're finding this strength in their vulnerability. And when they share these experiences there helping others break free from similar challenges and their their story of, of now being transformed is a testament to the human spirit, but also to the power and resilience that occurs when you decide to forgive.

So what I feel that these two heroes stories remind me is that no matter how dark your path might seem, there's always hope, healing, and the potential for positive change. So with both of their books, with their coaching that they're doing, it's like they're changing lives, like it says, you share. You change your story, you change your life. But if you tell your story, you're changing others live.

So, I'm asking you to step out in faith and forgive. I'd also like to give you some steps on how to forgive. I think that's the only the best thing to do, let's just say that way. But before I provide the steps, I just want to caution you if there is deep trauma involved, that this is a very heavy burden, I would highly, highly recommend that you seek help and unpacking to get the depths of the pain.

And to that decision to forgive the secret of a professional, whether it's a counselor, a coach, a pastor, go to someone with experience dealing with trauma before you decide to release it yourself. So what I want to remind is that forgiveness doesn't always mean that you have to face the accuser. You don't have to rehash the incident in minute detail. And you definitely don't have to have a relationship with that person. Unless you really need to heal that relationship.

Forgiveness is for you. It's for you. So you stop drinking the poison. You stop planting those seeds. You stop feeling those emotions that are causing damage to your body, your mind, your soul, to your heart. So it starts with having a conversation. That conversation can be with you alone. And what I have done is through the power of journaling, I worked with a coach. And I have to say that some of my things that I needed to forgive are minor from an adult perspective, but as a child, it really did bring some trauma and had problems with some relationships. And it really was very freeing for me. So I was writing. I was writing letters to people.

I know some people who have sat across from an empty chair and imagine that the person that they needed to forgive was right in front of them and they had that conversation directly to them. telling them how that pain how that suffering, how that struggle, what they did to them and what it did to them and their life. And by releasing it then you can take that brave step to release yourself to release yourself by forgiving them.

I did know someone who has had a forgivness conversation with her abuser, because she heard God prompting her to do so. The blessing to all of that is the man was saved. He turned his life over to Christ. And through this process, he felt peace and soul as he as he passed away.

So as I promised, I have five steps for you. So are you ready. I'm calling them the Five "R's" to forgiveness. I like alliteration. So again, I'm just reminding you forgiveness is not easy. It can be complex, it can be messy, it can be all tangled up and twisted that you can't figure out where it starts and where it stops. So what I do know the five steps can guide you toward cultivating your your heart, your mind, your soul, your body, getting it ready, like you're tilling the soil, you're tilling the soil, getting out the weeds, getting out there, stuck the seeds, so that you can get ready to forgive.

So number one, the first step is to remember to acknowledge and validate your feeling. Because usually, if there's something with unforgiveness, there's pain, there's hurt, there's anger, something happened, that caused a reaction that caused something to happen to you, or through you, and you need to let it go. What I found is that when I look at it from an adult perspective, I'm almost can chuckle on say, I know you were just a kid, Diane. You've been holding off on that for way too long. Like your brother making a joke about the size of your nose? Oh, gosh, it's not that big. But it was just one of those things I'm saying we were kids just released it.

You don't know that those seeds are down there. And when you sort of start pulling the weeds, getting them out, there is just freedom. And I'm just, it can be funny, you can hear me laughing about that. So if you allow yourself to feel and express these emotions, do so without judging them. So even though I was looking at them, like a third party observer for at it, and I'm saying, Okay, I think I can let this one go. And with each little one that I let go, it was tilling the soil for me to let go a bigger thing.

So I feel that validating your feelings, it's really crucial to understand the impact that it's had on you. And what the significance of setting yourself free through forgiveness. What that result will be. Because if you see how badly you're feeling. Those before and afters are powerful, right? Every one of my guests edit before story, then there was that transformation, that decision to forgive. And then the writing that next chapter in their story. To find a way to just release it. And as I said, I'm really a big believer in the power of journaling. For me, by writing it out. I'm processing it. And I can also feel the Holy Spirit guiding me, telling me things that I didn't know.

Like it's opening the doors to my heart that I didn't even realize were closed. They were causing relationships and barriers in relationships with people that I love, because there was a seed of unforgiveness that was planted a long time ago. And when I released it. It's so much nicer, love people a whole lot deeper when you're not harboring these little seeds of unforgiveness.

So even if someone has passed in your life, there were, you know, just different conversations. I felt like I needed to have with my mom and my dad, and they were good people. But there were times during the hardest parts of my life they just sort of crashed and burned. And then when I realized that the trauma and the struggles that both of them had in their childhood. My dad was just a runner. He was the runner from death. He's lost his dad at 10. And each time I would watch him. When my daughter died within five days after the funeral, I don't even know why he went on a vacation. Like wait a minute, I still need you. I need your support.

And just looking at that and think he is a human being with his own storehouse of of challenges or problems of hurts of trauma. That when I can look at that I can say I get it I get why he did it. That's really what step number two is about is to realign your perspective and empathize. So, you know, my brother was reading this book, it was a joke book that he got for Christmas, he still loves joke. And the cornier, the more ridiculous, the better. And he was just reading this, we were in the car, and we were recounting this when I was up for his wife's funeral. Can you believe that we were we were talking about this, and unforgiveness in the stupid things that we do as kids and the stupid thing that we say, even when we're an adult.

And when you look back and say, he had no intention to hurt me, he didn't. He was just trying to be funny. And the joke was, I was going to buy you a hankerchief for Christmas. But I didn't know your nose size. He didn't even say anything. I kind of had a small nose. But in my mind, I'm building it up, as he's telling me, I have a big nose. When you're 13 and 14, if you ever remember back at those hormonal teenage years, you'll see where it can make you crazy. But I planted that seed that like how dare he you so mean, whatever. And it just germinated. And I wanted to let it go.

So if you see it from the other person's perspective, from the situation, saying, Well, where did they come from? And one of the things that I believe, and I and I know, because I've witnessed that so many times, that hurting people hurt people. And that might sound trite or trivial or dismissive. Like no, they shouldn't be forgiven. We're just going to keep on the steps till I get to my final conversation. And hopefully I can make you a forgiveness convert. That you will believe in the power of forgiveness.

If I go back to when I said to Jurnee and Marvel, because I had heard that victims of child abuse tend to be child abusers, they become abusers themselves. And they recognize they didn't say anything that that was true from their circumstances. So I'm not saying this as an excuse, because it doesn't need to make sense to me, like why would you do something that was so traumatic to you to someone else, I don't know. But our brains get twisted, especially as very young, at very young ages, just a it's just so malleable at that point, it can get twisted, and it can journey with us into our adult life.

But it can help us to dig a little bit deeper. So that unforgiveness does not grow deeper into our heart. Do you know what I'm saying? You know, if we we pull it out before it gets so deep, and so infected, it's almost, it's making our heart sick, we let it go ahead of time, then we can be released.

So even Heidi and Irene, both of them have restored relationships, like I said, with her husband and their daughter. And we never really know what's working behind someone's heart and soul. I would have these conversations when I was an executive in HR. And I'd have managers come in and talk to me about problems that they were having with different employees. And I will see this big emotional reaction. And I'm going it doesn't seem to fit what happened, the amount of emotion that they were putting into it. So I asked them a question. And this might be something that you can ask yourself as well, when your reviewing, looking at your hurt, as you're prepared to forgive. If this happened today, and this mature state that you're in, you know, if you're not as vulnerable as you once were something else was going on? Would you be reacting the same way?

Because unforgiveness can be like a bad habit. We've held on to it for so long. We don't know what it's gonna feel like if we let it go. Like, I don't want to do that. Like you're wearing 80 jeans then you know, have a mullet, right? It's old. It's overdone. We don't need it anymore. But it becomes a habit because we just go into the closet that we put on that unforgiveness. You know, we open up the drawers and we put on, you know, a shirt of unforgiveness. We just keep on putting it on because we don't know how to stop it. And we don't know that it's causing so much additional trauma and strife and depression and anxiety and stress and heart problems in our life.

So step three is to resolve to forgive. You are making a resolution. Like a New Year's resolution, you're making a forgiveness, resolution. Because forgiveness is a conscious decision. You have to decide, I am forgiving. And what happens if you keep on saying it over and over again, it just might start to connect that it's true. I am forgiving, I have forgiven. And Irene used a process she called 70 times seven, she wrote out either seven or seventy times each day, I forgive x for y. Just kept on writing it. And I just see like as kids in Grammar School and some infraction what happened and the nuns would have, right that infraction on on the board. You know, 100 different times just kept on writing, to our little hands really cramped, and we were so sad and full of chalk dusts. But to write it.

So this is the interesting part about it. It's Biblical. Because when Peter asked Jesus, how many times he should forgive those who sinned against them, Peter thought like seven it's the perfect number. Let's just have seven. And Jesus had a different response. He said, seven times 70. So when you're looking at that the power of just putting your pen to a piece of paper and writing, I forgive. But this is also scientifically proven, you know, neuroplasticity, and such when you go in and you're rewiring your brain from turning it from unforgiveness to forgiveness. You're making new connections. You're You're paving over these deep trenches of unforgiveness, with smooth new asphalt of forgiveness, it's beautiful. Or you can think that you're putting pavers on it, something that would really be attractive to you. But like the visual that now when you have ruts in your driveway, or you see those ruts on the road, and you just get stuck in it. Sometimes it's hard to get out of the rut. Though we know unforgiveness is tough. You're in a rut. Now you're going to rewire your brain by doing a simple exercise. Every day 70 Different times you just keep on saying I forgive x for y.

I'm really put some words in there. I forgive Tom for making a joke about my nose. Oh, my gosh. So I when I look at it, you know it forgiving is so essential to healing Irene, from stage four throat cancer. What could forgiveness heal in your heart and your body? You might not believe this right now. But my guess is this a lot less painful than chemo or radiation. Just thoughts to ponder.

So step four is to release and let go of resentment. So when we hold on to these grudges, these resentments, it only prolongs the pain. Like I said, we're watering it, we're fertilizing it, we're allowing these seeds of unforgiveness to grow. So to truly forgive, you have to release these negative emotions. And this is where, you know, journaling. Meeting with a therapist or counselor or pastor. Engaging in some sort of exercises, like I said, either writing it out having those conversations and if you write it out a letter to the person. I've heard that people just take it and burn it. And then like they scatter their ashes like it's done, it's over.

So even when you're resolving. When you're making that decision, and you really are spending that time. As you release it tell yourself when a painful thought comes up, talk back to it with a phrase such as I distinctly remember choosing to forget. I remember choosing to forgive Tom for making fun of the size of my nose. What I also do, is I renew my mind with scriptures. Because sometimes forgiveness feels impossible, that if I remind myself that all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.

See, what I've learned is you don't have to do this forgiveness journey alone, using scripture to replace the lies of unforgiveness, like I can never do this, or I shouldn't have to do this, or they're unforgivable. Is you have to replace it with something that's true. So using God's words, really worked as a release valve for the pain that I had. And I never thought that I can memorize Scripture. And I do. One of them is forget the former things Do not dwell on the past. See something new is cropping up, I'm putting a path in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.

And when I do that, it's like, I want to move forward. There's something beautiful, that's in front of me, why am I holding on to the past. So you when you firmly resolve in your heart in your mind and your soul, that forgiveness has happened. You're no longer living in that story. And this is what I want to caution you start rewriting the new story. Because wherever there's a void, where there's been years of unforgiveness, then we need to replace it with something.

So for most of my guests, they replaced it with a purpose, going against, diving into what had caused this trauma and this pain, this reason for them to hold on to unforgiveness. And now they're they're stepping into that like journey and horrible thing, we're going to do something about this, so no one has to go through the abuse, but no one else has to also suffer the trauma of it, to find a purpose for that pain that you had. And that's going to really help with the healing process.

So number five, the last one is to restrict. And this is to set some boundaries and self care. So forgiving, someone doesn't mean, always forgetting, forgetting can be hard. The first thing you have to renew your mind, change the story. Rewrite the story, you're the author of your life story. But every time that you repeat that story in your head, you're allowing them to hurt you, again, and again. And again, just by rethinking it. So you want to set up healthy boundaries to protect yourself. And that could be a boundary you're making with yourself, I am no longer going to think about these things. I am going to thinks about things that are good, and pure and beautiful. The good things in my life, let me rewrite the story with the good thing, the blessing that I have.

And if we do focus on that self care, just let allow yourself to heal. Like if you had a broken bone, you will allow yourself to heal, right do the same thing with forgiveness, allow yourself to heal. It can feel weird for a little bit. Like I don't know what to do without this unforgiveness. But it is just an amazing transformation. And every one of my guests were talking about that not every one. One did say she was going to hold on to it. And I still think about her and pray that she finally makes that decision to forgive. So remember that your forgiveness journey is going to be personal, according to the circumstances according to the relationship, according to who you are right now, according to how traumatic it is. And it may take some time to like fully lean into it, embrace it, hold on to it. So give yourself grace. Be patient with yourself. And sometimes you have to allow the process to unfold naturally. Like you might say, Well, Diane said to forgive. And I'm not feeling free right now. Just keep on keep,

keep on going through the process, release it, write about it, pray about it, talk to a counselor about it until it's done. And you can almost feel like it's done. It's over. I don't know if you remember that scene from Forrest Gump where after Jenny die, he's running across the country. And all these people are following him and it's such a great movie. And all of a sudden, he just stopped in the middle of the road and he's like, it's done. I'm done. A walk towards random walk the other way back. Everyone's like, what do we do now?

That's how it's gonna almost feel like what am I going to do now? What am I going to do with the time that I spend ruminating and complaining and telling the story over and over again? What am I going to do with it now? Replace it with something good, something beneficial to you and to other people. It really is okay to seek support from professionals and counselors, talk to someone, have people pray for you. I've asked them to do that. And it really has been helpful.

So, as I wrap up, you might be thinking, well, Diane sounds really nice and sounds kind of easy, but you don't know my story. You have no idea what I've been through. But it's happened to me is unforgivable. I get it. I'm not perfect. And I've heard the stories of my guests. And I'm wondering, how did they forgive? How did they do this. And their response is, because God prompted them to do so. This is biblical. And I just want you to remember one thing. Jesus Christ came and died for our sins, to He came to set us free. And when He sets us free, we are to be free indeed. And one of the last things that He said, as He was dying on the cross, and He was directing this at His crucifiers, those who betrayed him, those who abandon Him, those who beat Him, those who tried to destroy Him. His words were Father, forgive them, because they know not what they do. But by choosing unforgiveness, you now know what you are doing. And my hope and prayer is that you become the hero in your own transformation story. And the first brave step is choosing to forgive.

I hope that this has been helpful to you. It was a labor of love for me. Just hearing these stories, knowing for my own personal journey of forgiveness on so many different levels. I know how healing it is, I know how freeing it is, I know the joy that I feel now and letting things go. So my hope is that, like I said that you become the hero and that you have your own transformation story. And I would love to hear that. You have it you can email me at diane@diane belz.com. You can message me on Facebook and such I would love to hear how you said yesterday, forgiveness and set yourself free.

So my next podcast will be on the hero characteristic of faith. So until next time, I wish you a blessed and beautiful week. And in my heart of hearts, I hope that you step into forgiveness. So if you would like to take some time to read and pause. And I will also be adding those biblical references if you want to just check them out yourself. So thanks again for listening. Thanks again for pulling into The Hope Station and I wish you a blessed and beautiful week.

Forgiveness Biblical Quotes:

21 Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone[i] who sins against me? Seven times?”

eventy times seven! (Matthew: 18:22

When you pray, don’t babble on and on as the Gentiles do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again. 8 Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him! 9 Pray like this:

Our Father in heaven,

may your name be kept holy.

10 May your Kingdom come soon.

May your will be done on earth,

as it is in heaven.

11 Give us today the food we need

12 and forgive us our sins,

as we have forgiven those who sin against us.

13 And don’t let us yield to temptation

but rescue us from the evil one.

(Matthew 6: 7-13)

19 “Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

19 See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness

and streams in the wasteland.

(Isaiah: 43:18

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8)

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