The importance of how we connect our stories is ever-changing, especially with the way our lives, both personally and professionally, can interact with such changes. How we respond to what life throws at us in order to maintain our momentum in creating such stories means that we may need to respond to tough times with positive energy, the willingness to be an example to others, and even be a "strong rock" for others when they are unable to do the same. Today's guest, the founder of herstories.com, Elaine Benfield, shares her career path leading from marketing and other areas into what she does to captures the stories of transformational women, but how her own transformation could have easily changed the trajectory of her overall life situation. Her ability to be able to create meaningful conversations and dialogue have even come close to home, which she shares in this episode. The power of our stories can not only lead to meaningful morals, but also create an abundance of energy that will help us become the best versions of ourselves, no matter what gender you are, in more ways than one.

Guest Bio

Elaine Benfield is an experienced software leader with over 20 years of expertise in marketing. Following significant life changes during her 50th year, Elaine embarked on a mission to share inspiring stories of remarkable women, crafting narratives that empower and motivate. Based in Atlanta, Georgia, USA, she actively participates in Pride & Human Rights Campaign initiatives and dedicates her time to volunteering with dog charities. Outside of her professional pursuits, Elaine cherishes moments of travel alongside her family and friends.

@inspiringherstories on Instagram

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdd5hmVcmPlCBtS-FLslMvQ

Website: https://www.herstories.com/

Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/

Visit Our Business Website: https://www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support

Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

2

determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

3

This is Speaking From The Heart.

4

Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 125 of Speaking from the Heart.

5

Today we will have Elaine Benfield

join us, and Elaine is an experienced

6

software leader with over 20

years of expertise in marketing.

7

Following significant life changes

during her 50th year, Elaine embarked

8

on a mission to share inspiring

stories of remarkable women, crafting

9

narratives that empower and motivate.

10

Based in Atlanta, Georgia, she actively

participates in pride and human rights

11

campaign initiatives, and dedicates her

time to volunteering with dog charities.

12

Outside of her professional pursuits,

Elaine cherishes moments of travel

13

alongside her family and friends,

and I have to say, this woman focused

14

episode really digs into the core of

why it's so important not only to have

15

a marketing background to be able to

sell yourself, but yet, at the same

16

time, why stories matter I think we

volunteer in a variety of different

17

ways, not only in the nonprofits that

we engage with, but in the ways in

18

which we're willing to help others.

19

Being able to build a professional

career also means that not only do

20

you have to worry about relationships,

but you have to find standards in

21

which you can find your happiness in,

but the biggest key, which we'll talk

22

about even later on, is that it's the

vulnerability to help others, to help

23

them see what their value is all about.

24

But with that, let's go to the episode.

25

Alright, we're here with Elaine Benfield.

26

Elaine!

27

Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

28

Elaine: Thank you.

29

Thanks so much for having me.

30

Joshua: Absolutely.

31

I really have been excited to do this

interview, because you got a lot going

32

on in your life and a lot of different

things, so I already let the audience know

33

a little bit about you and I would just

want to jump right into it, because one

34

of the first things that stood out to me,

and this is because I have done a full

35

time job, and I still do a full time job,

with IT procurement, and I noticed that

36

you are experienced software leader, and

you've done a lot of years with software,

37

so I'm curious what got you into that, and

what also jumped you into the marketing

38

field, because those are some unique

dynamics, and I just want our audience to

39

know a little bit, and I'm curious myself.

40

Elaine: Yeah, it's interesting.

41

I ended up going to University

of Delaware, and have a

42

consumer economics background.

43

I thought I'd be the next Ralph Nader.

44

I lived in DC, working for a lobbying

firm, NFIB small business lobbying

45

firm, for a couple of years, and

then just made that choice of, "Oh,

46

I don't really want to be a lawyer.

47

What do I want to do next?"

48

I ended up living in Europe, and then went

to Boston to get my MBA, and a professor

49

in class said, "Hey, you really should

look at high tech.", and I was like,

50

"I have no idea what that means.", and

so I ended up getting an internship.

51

Ended up getting into kind of the field

of public relations, but really liked

52

it from the technology side, and so I

started my career with really trying to

53

tell the story for technology vendors,

but a simplistic marketing view.

54

I look at it as I'm dangerous enough

from a technology standpoint, but I want

55

to use real world words to help narrate

what a company is doing and can make

56

businesses better, so I kind of fell into

that and I've been doing it; I'm going

57

to age myself, over 25 years; been in

small companies, large companies, been

58

all across the Boston area, Atlanta,

and just love it; love high tech.

59

With AI, I'm sure everyone's

really understanding technology

60

can really advance our world.

61

Joshua: Don't worry, you don't

look a day over 20, so don't think.

62

Yeah, I knew it.

63

I knew you would, but what led you into

sharing stories that help empower women?

64

I'm kind of curious where the

connection is with that, because my

65

listeners are probably like, "Wait.

66

Software, and then empowering women?,

I mean, yeah, there's some indirect

67

correlations, but what led you into that?

68

Elaine: So, it's interesting.

69

Over the years, I really just have this

great opportunity to work with men and

70

women, but what was always interesting

is women, it's few and far between.

71

I really struggled finding the women

that inspired me, and then I started

72

having these great relationships

with women in tech, that somehow,

73

their stories are never told.

74

No offense, but women tend to, in my

experience is women in technology are a

75

little bit more in the background, and so

for me, I always wanted to find a voice

76

for these women, and I always say that

history is always an interesting path,

77

but I want to talk about "herstory".

78

Why is a woman successful in tech?

79

How did they get there, and

how are they breaking barriers?

80

I now have colleagues I work with 15

years ago that are now CEOs, and what

81

I've seen is the market is shifting

a little, and that's why I just, you

82

know, because I have this network of

amazing women in technology, I just

83

have a great network of, and community

of women, but tech, to me is, I

84

want to tell these women's stories.

85

Joshua: Did you just say "herstories"?

86

Elaine: It's "herstories."

87

I bought the right.

88

Joshua: That's an interesting-

89

Elaine: Yeah, so you always hear her

story, but I want to tell more than one,

90

so I own the rights to herstories.com,

and to me, it's the multiple stories,

91

and I joke with you before that I

don't discredit men; love men, and

92

I want to hear men's perspective

for women's stories, or what do they

93

think of- my 17 year old son loves

talking about how he sees women being

94

reflected in his generation, but to

me, I really want to focus on women

95

that won't tell their story, and every

time I tell a woman I say, "You're

96

inspiring.", they're like, "Am I?

97

Why?", and they're always surprised.

98

They don't see themselves as inspiring.

99

Joshua: I find that really fascinating,

because, I know there's been a

100

generation of men and women that have

had issues with being able to feel

101

like they are valued or recognized.

102

I know for me, being a millennial,

sometimes I have that issue of feeling

103

like I'm recognized, and I have to kind

of stand out, and I think that's where

104

we got that concept of participation

trophies growing up, but I think we

105

overdid it a little bit too, because

we need to learn the hard facts of

106

life, but you are saying something

interesting about women in particular,

107

because with your website, which I have

up and I'm looking at it, and for my

108

listeners, I'll have it in the episode

notes to that you could go check out.

109

You have a podcast.

110

You have videos.

111

You have blogs.

112

Are you trying to not just tell the story

in a variety of different ways to help get

113

that story out, or is there a different

cause, or different reason, for getting

114

the women's stories out, because I think

it's one thing to be able to say, "Yeah.

115

We need to break that glass ceiling.",

which I've always heard, and women have

116

definitely been doing that over the

last 20 years, I think, in my view,

117

but has there been more of a motivation

to get those stories out there?

118

Elaine: Yeah.

119

I think people are consuming

content differently.

120

It's funny because people stop me

and they're like, "Wait a second.

121

Are you doing herstories?",

and they're like, "Oh.

122

I listened to you on Apple.",

and then some people are like,

123

"Oh, I love you on YouTube."

124

I'm trying to have whatever medium

someone wants to listen to women's

125

stories, they can, whether it be me

writing from personal experience, and

126

just really any way you want to listen

to women or, honestly, stories, I want

127

to provide it, and I get people that

really like kind of all combinations.

128

I'm always surprised that it's like, "Oh.

129

You listen on Spotify.

130

You listen...."; just

whatever way you want to.

131

Joshua: I have to do an informal

market survey at this point, so

132

which medium, Elaine, works the

best that you hear a lot about?

133

Is it audio?

134

Is it video?

135

Elaine: My impression is most of

my friends, I say this honestly,

136

are like, "Oh, we missed you.

137

I'll see you on YouTube.", because I live

here, and a lot of my friends are global,

138

so they're like, "Oh, I liked seeing you

today on Instagram.", cause they get to

139

see me more live, but, I would say 90

percent are listening to me on a podcast,

140

whether it's Spotify, Apple Podcasts.

141

People are walking, running.

142

I get texts from family, friends saying,

"Hey, I just listened to this episode.

143

I was working out at the gym.", so

it's that to me, I think, honestly, is

144

probably the most popular, but I do get

the interest with YouTube that people are

145

like, "Oh, I want to see your face again,

because I'm not around all the time.

146

Joshua: You heard it here, folks.

147

It's the audio way to go, not exactly

video, which is why I'm just audio

148

right now, with aspirations to

maybe do video one time, but yeah.

149

You proved my point, so thank you.

150

I'm glad that I did this survey with you,

so, Elaine, there was something else that

151

really stood out to me about your bio,

and it's that you participate in pride and

152

human rights campaigns initiatives, so,

I'm scratching my head, again, thinking,

153

"Okay, so we got the women, and you've

been in software, you've done marketing.

154

"How does this sort of facet of your

life fit into the bigger puzzle pieces?

155

Elaine: Yeah.

156

I always volunteered

with different causes.

157

I always wanted to.

158

Just my whole life, my father

was a big activist growing up

159

in Allentown, Pennsylvania, and

I really want to help everyone.

160

Everyone has a voice, and so I started

volunteering in local community.

161

There's a wonderful store, Lost and

Found, here in Atlanta, that helps

162

LBGTQ plus kids that are homeless, and

so I really started getting involved

163

in that, maybe 15, 20 years ago, and

then my company said, "Hey, we want

164

to start an Atlanta chapter for pride.

165

Are you interested in being one of

the co-chairs?", and so it kind of

166

evolved from that, that I just am

really passionate about- you know,

167

there should be no discrimination.

168

Everyone should be equal across any

race, who you love, and it just kind

169

of took off from that, just being

who I am as a fundamental belief.

170

Joshua: Is there a personal reason as

to why, though, because I've always

171

found that there's a motivation

inside of us that drives us to make

172

this happen in our lives; this cause.

173

For example, one of the biggest things

that I've been wanting to help people

174

out with is to to help empower them,

so I've worked with a domestic violence

175

shelter for a number of years called

the Shalom House, here in Harrisburg,

176

Pennsylvania, that does that sort of

work, and I always enjoyed their work.

177

I took a step away because of the

business and other shifting things,

178

but for you, is there a reason

why you do this work personally?

179

Elaine: I almost think it's foreshadowing,

because I had that in my DNA, helping,

180

and then it led into my child, at

the time was 17, and ended up coming

181

out as a trans girl, trans woman,

and so to me, that correlation of I'm

182

that open, that within five days of

my child discovering that light bulb

183

moment going, "I feel like I'm in the

wrong body.", there was no question.

184

My daughter knew that I would

accept it, love it, embrace it.

185

Obviously take a pause to go,

"Let's make sure, going through

186

psychiatrists and doctors, and make

sure this is the right path.", but

187

there was no lack of love or support.

188

I struggled with pronouns at first,

but because I was so open and they

189

saw me, I marched in pride parades.

190

What I say is I really believe,

and the kids knew that, so I think

191

that that kind of led into really

foreshadowing that they are allowed to

192

be who they're meant to be, because of

my acceptance, and the volunteering.

193

Joshua: Well, I think I might've

just fallen into why that reason

194

is, and that's really interesting.

195

I have friends that have had transgender

kids that they were raising, and I've had

196

clients that I've worked with that have

wrestled with this sort of subject matter,

197

too, and I'm kind of curious of your

thoughts, because you're a parent of one.

198

What does it mean to you when

your child opens up about that.

199

Was that a scary moment?

200

Was it something like, "Oh, I'm

not really prepared for it?"

201

I think there's some listeners that have a

misconception or maybe a misunderstanding,

202

perhaps, of how to best navigate through

these sort of situations, and I'm

203

wondering if you have any advice for them,

especially if they have this conversation.

204

Elaine: Well, we talked about

a little bit briefly offline.

205

The biggest fear I had when I started

volunteering is, homeless, LBGT kids,

206

once they come out to their parents,

the suicide rates are astronomical,

207

and there wasn't a doubt in my mind,

I'm not going to deny, I was shocked.

208

There were no signs that my child

didn't feel that they were in the

209

right body, but my first question,

when my daughter said, "Hey, I

210

have a friend that's just came out.

211

She's a trans woman.", and then I looked

over, and I'll never forget driving in the

212

car, and said, "Do you feel you're in the

wrong body?", and my daughter instantly

213

said, "Yes.", and you look and go, no

matter what, and so many of my friends

214

and therapists have said, "How'd you

know to ask that?", and it was instinct.

215

I can't explain it.

216

I just knew, and to me,

my child's my child.

217

You can throw any name you want.

218

I look at my baby who I birthed.

219

That is my child.

220

I don't care what you call my child,

but seeing her become who she's meant

221

to be, she is happier every day.

222

I think she says it, she was

suicidal, which we didn't know.

223

If I would have done things differently

and not been so accepting, we would

224

have a different conversation right now.

225

Listen to your child.

226

They're not trying to do this, and I

know there's always the cases; there's

227

some children that want attention.

228

That is not the case with the majority.

229

Kids are struggling.

230

They should be accepted, and I

think parents just have to find

231

that path of, "It's your child."

232

I know for me, it was black and white.

233

It was like, "This is my child.

234

I don't care."

235

I just want to make sure I

navigate it to make the transition

236

the easiest as possible.

237

Joshua: Well, building off of that, how

do you make that transition as easy as

238

possible, because I think sometimes our

society doesn't make it easy to have

239

that sort of roadmap, and I hate to

say it, but I think even our government

240

sometimes makes it very difficult for

some people to feel like they're accepted

241

in society, so I'm kind of curious,

what are some things that you have done

242

to make that transition a lot easier,

especially for- is it your daughter?

243

I just want to be respectful.

244

It is your daughter?

245

Okay.

246

Great.

247

Hi, Hannah, if you're listening.

248

Elaine: She will, she will.

249

She's happy I'm writing the word,

really, and then she's also being

250

more active vocally as well.

251

I looked at it as I'm a planner, so when

Hannah first came out to me, I was like,

252

"I'm so supportive.", and she almost tried

to threaten me, which she'll agree with.

253

She said, "I turned 18 in November,

so if you don't support me, I'm going

254

to do this without you anyway.", and I

kept saying, "I'm going to support you,

255

but, let's go see your pediatrician.

256

Let's go see a therapist.

257

Let's go see a specialist.", and so,

pretty much from mid-February to May, we

258

saw all these doctors for me to be okay

with HRT, hormone replacement therapy,

259

and I just knew speaking with the doctors

made me at ease, so any parent there's

260

a child, make sure you do your due

diligence to speak with professionals.

261

I'm not an expert on this, but I

knew this is what my child wanted.

262

I had thousands of questions.

263

I had a notebook with all these, " What

about this?", and, "What if she

264

changes her mind?", and, "What if...?"

265

Having doctors, and Atlanta has some

great resources, and a lot of places

266

do, but you brought up- the government's

really in everyone's business right now.

267

I can say truthfully, and you can tell

which way I lean politically, but I went

268

and marched at the Capitol in Atlanta.

269

" Who are you, Mr.

270

Congressman, Congresswoman, to tell

my child what's right?", and some

271

laws were passed no matter how much

we tried to campaign and fight,

272

and it's fighting the medicine, and

fighting what they need to be on.

273

It's not your business.

274

That is our job as a parent, and

I understand there's difficult

275

situations, but I don't regret for a

moment helping to support that for my

276

child who needs the medicine, and then

luckily by chance, Hannah turned 18,

277

and then those laws aren't affecting,

but children that are young, were

278

going to have a higher suicide rate.

279

Kids that can't get the

treatment they need.

280

Joshua: Yeah, and I have

to say a few things.

281

First off, I've always said to my guests,

I have said to my listeners, and for

282

anybody that's new, I'll say this again.

283

Here at Speaking From The Heart,

I don't condone any sort of

284

practice because here's the thing.

285

We all come from different backgrounds

in our life, and why those sort of things

286

happen for a reason, are destined or

designed to happen for that reason, and

287

we work with what those circumstances

are, so there's no judgment from here.

288

I don't have any leaning towards any

sort of particular side, because what

289

I find to be really interesting about

just what you shared is that you are

290

in this fight, and I don't understand

why people have to fight for it

291

when we can all just be accepting.

292

Maybe I'm a hippie because of my

mom; maybe that's part of what it is.

293

She grew up in the 60s and 70s.

294

Peace, love, no war, that sort

of thing with Vietnam happening.

295

I don't know, but, I just think about the

fact that we can make this all accepting

296

for other people, and I find that just

from what you said with me, you are a

297

very accepting person, which don't worry,

I have a question about that, but before

298

I get to that, there's something that

stood out on your website that if there

299

wasn't enough happening, there's this.

300

You have a ex-husband who identifies as

being gay, so obviously you were married.

301

You had your daughter, and here we are,

we're talking about your ex-husband who

302

you find out he's gay, so why did that all

happen, because I guess now you've been

303

raising your daughter as a single parent,

so tell me a little bit about that.

304

Elaine: Yeah, and in fairness, so I

was married with my ex-husband for 22

305

years, and I have a stepdaughter too,

so I've had my stepdaughter in my life.

306

She's 24 now, so she's a fabulous mother,

and a great stepdad, but she's been

307

instrumental in my life as me being a mom,

so I have her, and then I had my daughter,

308

Hannah, and I have also a 17 year old

son, so, I personally think Hannah coming

309

out, and finding her authentic self,

gave my ex-husband almost the freedom

310

for him to be authentic with who he is.

311

He came out to me, so Hannah came

out in February, and July, my

312

ex-husband told me he cheated on

me, and of course I was like, "Okay.

313

We've been together.

314

I feel that we were happy;

really didn't see much conflict."

315

We worked, is the way I would

say it, just was my best friend.

316

He was the air that I breathed, and

when he said he cheated, but then

317

he said it was with a man, I was

like, "Are you fucking kidding me?",

318

like could not believe- I would have

thought it would have been a woman.

319

I just didn't quite understand, and

I really think seeing him evolve.

320

We tried to make it work, but then the

revelation that he cheated on me for

321

about 10 years with hundreds of people.

322

It was a choice that I made that my

kids and I, together, as the four of us

323

just said, "It's not the life we want.

324

He needs to find his own

path.", and we just weren't

325

destined to be together forever.

326

Hardest thing, I can say it now, and

we've been divorced now six, seven months.

327

I'm thrilled he found

who he's meant to be.

328

He lives with his boyfriend.

329

He's happy for being finally who

he was always meant to be, so

330

it is an interesting kind of the

way my world worked in some ways

331

Joshua: Yeah, and I often don't

have people on the show that said,

332

"Yeah, I'm very accepting of it."

333

Usually it's like, "Yeah, they

moved on, and I found myself and

334

that's what's really important.",

but you look back and go, "Yeah.

335

We had our time and we had our moment.

336

We had our kids, but yeah, I'm okay with

this being the way it is now, and he has

337

his own path, and I have my own path."

338

I think you're the most accepting

person that I've had on the show.

339

Elaine: I've had, and I have

great therapists, but I've also

340

learned I loved him for so long.

341

Why wouldn't I love him to be happy?

342

I think he did shitty things.

343

I find the betrayal still hard for me.

344

I'm not interested in dating yet, but

I look at it going, "You know what?

345

He has figured it out and that's great."

346

I wish he would have figured

it out before we got married.

347

I wish you would have figured it out even

10 years when he said he was cheating for

348

half of our marriage, but I look and go,

you know, I have these three amazing kids.

349

I would do it all over again, the

bone crushing pain, just to have them,

350

and so as he builds his happiness,

I realized I've never been happier.

351

I'm taking care of me.

352

I'm taking care of the kids.

353

I get to have a whole new, bright

future that will lead to wherever

354

it's meant to be, and I'm happy

with that, so I'm thrilled.

355

I'm thrilled he has found his path,

and now it's my turn to find mine.

356

Joshua: Okay, so we got to pause this

because there's a lot of different

357

things with this that you said throughout

this whole 21 minutes that we've been

358

talking, because I find that what you

said, I would be like, "Oh my gosh!

359

I have a husband that doesn't accept me.

360

I have a daughter and gone

through this process."

361

You have all these other

things happening in your life.

362

I would be a wreck.

363

What makes you feel like you

can just keep pushing forward?

364

I mean, there's got to be some sort

of inner strength that we're talking

365

about that you've gotten to this point.

366

I mean, what carries you forward,

because you seem like a very energetic

367

person, to me, and you're able to

carry that forward, so anybody else

368

that would have this happen to them?

369

I think they would feel a little defeated,

but it doesn't sound like you're defeated.

370

Why?

371

Elaine: Yeah, my friends

asked me all the time.

372

They're like, "You're the strongest

woman I know, and how do you do it?",

373

and I think you, in life, have a choice.

374

I can sit there, and I'm not

saying I didn't have days where

375

friends picked me up off the floor.

376

My sister picked me off the floor.

377

My kids had to pick me up off the floor,

but I remember my darkest moment was

378

when my ex-husband told me we weren't.

379

I didn't think we were ready to go

through the divorce stage, and he told

380

me he fell in love with this boyfriend.

381

Now, mind you, I didn't know he

knew him already a year, so there

382

was a lot of lies in between that.

383

He was dating him while we

were married, and whatnot.

384

However, I remember when he told

me the next day on January 3rd,

385

I couldn't get out of bed, and I

remember my 17 year old son saw me.

386

My two kids, brought me food and

whatnot, and I said, "I'm so sorry

387

you have to see me like that.",

and my youngest son said, "Mom.

388

You've never showed your vulnerable side.

389

The fact that there is something

that can take you down, it means

390

you're going to get right back

up.", and I remember looking.

391

He left the room, and I went and took a

shower and said, "No one will ever make

392

me feel this low point again in my life.

393

I'm in control of it.

394

I'm in control the way I feel.", and I

feel that, to me, is people have a choice.

395

You can be a martyr.

396

You can be Eeyore, but you know what?

397

Being happy and finding your own way,

everyone has the ability to do that,

398

and I'm not saying it's not hard.

399

My father was always happy.

400

My sister's always happy, but

it's a choice I make every day to

401

get up and be like, "I'm excited

for today.", and you nailed it.

402

I'm energetic.

403

I'm happy that- my kids laugh.

404

They're like, "Don't talk to

us right away in the morning."

405

I don't drink coffee.

406

This is me, always, so I feel like you

have to move; you have to move forward.

407

Could you imagine me and coffee?

408

I have friends that are like, "Don't let

her have any.", but it is, it's a choice.

409

Joshua: Yeah, don't worry.

410

I had a cup of coffee before we did this

episode, so thank goodness that I had

411

that, cause we would of never made it.

412

Elaine: But it is a choice.

413

I think in life that; life is so short.

414

I'm going to be 52.

415

How did that happen?

416

I still think I'm 30 something,

so I think it is a choice to-

417

Joshua: Twenty-two.

418

Elaine: Thank you.

419

Thank you for that.

420

Thank you, but it is, it's a choice.

421

Joshua: Yeah.

422

I think we all have choices

in life that we have to decide

423

whether we want to move forward.

424

We want to be stuck in where we are.

425

Hey, sometimes we go and walk

backwards, thinking that if we walk

426

backwards, we could find that path

to move forwards, and there's nothing

427

wrong with any of those choices.

428

However, each of those choices have their

own set of positives; mostly consequences.

429

Elaine: I agree with you, and

I think, "Did I think this

430

is where I'd be ending up?"

431

I thought I'd die with him.

432

My parents were married for 44

years before my dad passed away.

433

I thought he was my end all and you

have to go, "Is this a life I want?",

434

and that's where you have to make

that choice, and I loved him so much.

435

I could have tried to stay and I know a

lot of women and men try to make those

436

relationships work, but in the end.

437

It wasn't right for me.

438

Joshua: That brings up a very

interesting question I have.

439

You're 51, and you have been through

the gambit of all these different things

440

that have happened in your life, and I

think that some people probably would

441

have fallen down, some people might

have gotten back up, kept on going.

442

You have taken both worlds and you've

been able to keep pushing forward,

443

and you build this incredible platform

of the podcast, the videos, the

444

blogs, all these different types of

resources that are made available.

445

You said something about vulnerability.

446

Why be vulnerable then?

447

I mean, what do you have to gain from

that, because I think even if we wanted

448

to share that, and I've been even told

this myself with doing this show is that,

449

"Well, you're putting yourself out there.

450

That's going to be used against

you.", and I say, "You're wrong.

451

You're not thinking about this in the

way that it might be helping others."

452

You're doing this to be vulnerable because

you want to help others, or is there a

453

bigger motive that you're doing this for?

454

Elaine: I think if I can help one

person, two people, help children,

455

help parents of trans kids, help women

that have husbands that have come

456

out as gay, I feel I'm not ashamed.

457

I have friends are like, "I can't

believe you're so public.", and

458

I'm like, "but why wouldn't I be?"

459

It's who I am.

460

I'm not ashamed of.

461

This is where my life is led, and I have

a great example of I have an old coworker

462

who listen to my podcast with my daughter,

Hannah, talking about her coming out,

463

and my coworker, really good girlfriend

said, "I'm never heard a trans story from

464

a child's perspective.", and she goes,

"She changed my entire point of view."

465

She actually asked for permission,

sent Hannah a note and said,

466

"Hey, can I post it on Facebook?

467

I want people to hear,

there's nothing scary.

468

She's a normal child.

469

It's just her path.", and to have someone,

you know, I have another colleague

470

who has a child that with autism.

471

One of my episodes is about how Hannah's

also autistic, and on the spectrum.

472

Hearing those stories, and people

text me, and message me, and

473

email me, saying, "Thank you.

474

Thank you for being

bold enough to help me.

475

I didn't know my child was trans.

476

I'm now not afraid."

477

" I had no signs my ex husband

was gay; really didn't know."

478

If I can help someone, then I

feel it's helping everyone on

479

their path, so, I would say that.

480

Joshua: You're a very giving person

as a result of that, I have to say.

481

I mean, I really mean that.

482

I think there's a lot of things that we

can easily attribute to, :Oh, we want to

483

make money off of this.", or, "We want

to maybe help somebody and take them

484

underneath our wing.", and I'd be honest.

485

As a coach myself, I have given out

free services just because I want people

486

to really feel good about themselves.

487

It doesn't mean I do that for everybody,

but the circumstances sometimes dictate

488

the need to be able to do that, but one

of the things you said, and actually, I

489

don't know if you even knew this about me.

490

I found out late stage in my life that

I'm autistic too, so I struggled with

491

that for over 30 years trying to figure

out, why am I acting differently than

492

other people, and I never had the right

answers, let alone the right support, but

493

that's because the way times have changed.

494

As we close here, Elaine,

I'm really curious.

495

What would you say has been one

of the most rewarding things,

496

and I'm talking about everything

we've talked about so far.

497

What has been the most rewarding thing

to be able to do in your life, and why?

498

Elaine: I don't even know if it's to do.

499

By the time this comes out,

hopefully I'll be in full recovery.

500

I had a really bad accident walking

my dogs, nonetheless, and had

501

my ankle completely blown out,

reconstructive surgery, bed rest.

502

What I think makes me so

proud is I had three children.

503

My three kids rallied for 12 weeks

to help me, and it gave me time to

504

reflect going, "You know what I have?

505

I have a great community of people.

506

A great inner circle."

507

I've raised my kids so well that

three meals a day, all the laundry,

508

all the cooking, all the cleaning,

they helped do everything for me.

509

I couldn't be more proud, and the

friends that jumped in, and the meal

510

trains, and the flights of people coming.

511

I mean, when I mean I

couldn't do anything.

512

Luckily, I joke that, well, I could shower

and I could go to the bathroom by myself,

513

but everything else, I'm the most proud

that I have been honest, and I would say

514

I'm a good friend, and all of it came

back during my time of need, because the

515

minute it happened, I thought, "Oh my God.

516

I don't have Steve."

517

My first thought was I'm alone,

and you know what I realized?

518

God, I'm not alone, and that to me,

every day, I'm thankful for this

519

amazing- like I have thank you notes

to send; 50, 60, thank you notes to

520

people that jumped to rally for me.

521

That's what I'm the most proud of that

wherever it's led me, I have this great

522

community that, wherever my future

leads, they're all rally behind me.

523

Joshua: I think it's so important

to know who that circle is.

524

I've talked about it, and I've had a

friend even mentioned to me, it's about

525

the tribes that we have, and it is, and

I think that we oftentimes think that we

526

have the right people, but then we realize

that we have some of them holding us back,

527

and I understand that completely, because

I've had a lot of that purging happened

528

in my life, and do I have it perfect?

529

99.

530

9 percent of the time?

531

No, not even close.

532

Sometimes I'll be lucky if I get 50

percent on some days, but I think that

533

if we're able to just have that notion

in mind that we are staying consistent

534

of the people that help influence us and

make us better, that's what's key, and

535

that's why I love your story, because

what you're doing is not only writing

536

"herstory", but you're also writing it

for others to be able to do the same, so

537

in your own right, I'm waiting for you to

tell your story on your own podcast, which

538

perfect segue, we're at the end, Elaine.

539

I would love for you to spend the

last few minutes pitching your website

540

and your podcasts and everything that

has to go with it, and, if anybody's

541

interested, especially with some of the

subjects that you talked about today.

542

I'm sure they have more questions.

543

I'm wondering if you can give some

information about how they can

544

reach out to you, but I'm going

to give you the last few minutes.

545

Elaine: Wonderful.

546

Thank you so much, so as we

talked about, it's almost a year.

547

I bought the rights to herstories.com, and

I am trying to interview and have a weekly

548

podcast, with video too, that really,

when women inspire me or just inspiring

549

stories, I want to interview them.

550

I have a blog.

551

I am active on TikTok, and Instagram,

and just really trying to tell multiple

552

stories, and letting people have

their own voices, so definitely check

553

out, I joke, www.herstories.com, and

you can see different articles and

554

I joke, I'm just getting started.

555

It's not even a year old, and I'm

just, I've had this vision, 5, 6 years

556

ago, and I'm just happy to, to really

tell stories, and let people share

557

and really just create this community

of people that we're not alone, that

558

everyone's going through something.

559

Your friends come, your friends go, but

in the end, as we talked about having that

560

tribe, and letting people be honest with

who they are and who they're meant to be,

561

and I think that's where her story is.

562

I'm excited to see where it goes,

and I keep joking, my labor of love

563

around my real job, but this is

something I'm really passionate and

564

can't wait to see where it goes.

565

Joshua: I think that's what's important

is you're doing it out of passion, and

566

you're doing it out of the importance

of helping others, and I think just the

567

sense of you using the word vulnerability

today is a big deal in our culture,

568

because being vulnerable means that you're

weak, according to some people, which

569

I don't think is absolutely not true.

570

I think it's actually reframing

something that has been

571

misframed for hundreds of years.

572

I will go as far as saying that

because of the way that our culture

573

has been, let alone the ways in which

we interact with each other, and

574

I think it's time to revisit that

conversation, and you're doing that

575

through this project, and I encourage my

listeners to go check out the website.

576

I've been looking at it throughout

our interview today, and there's

577

a lot of different resources

available, and I encourage you

578

to check out, spend some time.

579

Yes, I really mean it.

580

Stop listening to Speaking From The Heart

and go watch some of her stories, but

581

Elaine, with all that said, you really

have enlightened me with not only your

582

viewpoints, but a matter of fact, the

things that you've been doing inspire me

583

to make me realize that I still have some

growth to do, on a personal level, when

584

it comes to these subject matters and

understanding those things, and I think

585

that's always what's important is not only

what everybody gets out of these sort of

586

stories or these things that we have going

on in our lives, but what are the lessons?

587

What are the opportunities that

we can gain from them, so with all

588

that said, thanks so much for being

on Speaking From The Heart today.

589

I really enjoyed our conversation and it's

been a privilege to have you on the show.

590

Elaine: Thank you so much.

591

It was a pleasure.

592

Joshua: I want to thank Elaine so

much for having this conversation,

593

but also at the same time being

able to share her unique story.

594

I love the fact that she has had such

a illustrious career, and she's been

595

able to do so many different types of

things, not only with her marketing

596

background, but to actually have a

great conversation about professional

597

networking, building relationships is

something that I believe is so needed,

598

especially in this world today, trying

to have such meaningful connections with

599

people, because if you really think about

it, the stories that we each have that

600

are instrumental to not only telling

what we are all about, but how we're

601

even recognized, how we stand out from

those things, is a lost and dying art.

602

It feels like every now and then, you

see a glimmer of hope with some people

603

really understanding that they need to

be unique, but at the same token, seeing

604

social media and other sort of platforms

take this sort of generic approach, and

605

then you have to fit yourself into that

approach so that you stand out, doesn't

606

necessarily mean that you really do.

607

That's why people, let alone even

companies, spend millions and millions

608

of dollars every year, upwards of even

billions if you have the budget; yes

609

that's right, with a capital B, to be

able to advertise yourself along with

610

your products and services, but the

way in which we consume our stories and

611

how we do it differently is really want

want to focus on here as we wrap up

612

today's episode, because let's face it.

613

The people that we have in our lives,

the people that we want to engage

614

in with our lives, mean that we have

to share our stories differently.

615

The medium that we try to share it

in is just as equally as important as

616

the way in which we tell that story.

617

Public speaking in itself, in which we

deliver, whether it's an informative,

618

persuasive, entertaining, humorous, or

whatever type of other speech you want

619

to give, is truly, utterly important,

but how you deliver yourself, especially

620

with the way that you are, whether you

are male, female, or non binary, no

621

matter which way you want to look at it,

being able to help yourself in creating

622

different spectrums of which you are not

only equal to everybody else, but yet

623

you also are different from everybody

else, is what makes us unique in itself.

624

This has to be the reason why we keep

moving forward, because the level of

625

involvement, especially with trying

to deliver that type of story, or even

626

trying to figure out what that kind of

relationship is, means that we have to

627

spend some time not only digging into the

material of what it is that you're trying

628

to convey, but it also means leaving

yourself a little bit open, and a little

629

bit vulnerable, to being able to tell

that, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

630

I think what makes Elaine's story,

and even her illustrious career, so

631

important is that she speaks with people.

632

She speaks with people with conviction

that she really wants to help build up

633

areas in their lives, whether it's their

businesses or themselves, that help

634

them to focus on what's truly important.

635

The most creative types of marketing,

whether it's some sort of luxury or

636

necessity, changes the dynamic of

what we normally think is what we

637

associate from traditional times what

is really important in buying a product

638

or service, and sure, you might be

thinking to yourself, "How is this

639

even related to my own personal life?"

640

but it is, when you really discover the

fact that it's really the ideas and those

641

are the sort of concepts that we focus

on when making a decision, whether we are

642

conscious about it or not, because we have

to work through those standards, and that

643

even applies to our relationships, which

is ironically enough, just even in our

644

previous episode, talked about the value

of having those relationship standards.

645

Being able to have happiness, being

able to create intimate moments

646

with other areas of our lives, even

if we have to look at them in a

647

professional context, but building

these areas of happiness means that

648

we also are faced with a choice.

649

Do we carry forward with what is needed

to create this opportunity for success,

650

or do we really want to be happy?

651

Do we really feel that we can be happy

with that choice that we've made, but I

652

think that the biggest focus of it all

is that we have to look at the people.

653

What is really helping us to

create that overall important

654

mark, not only in our lives, but

in other people's lives as well?

655

Ultimately, can we be vulnerable

and help others to create that

656

value, all in the same token?

657

Well, I'm a coach, and if I really think

about this, I think that my job is to

658

make sure that I keep myself vulnerable.

659

I keep myself fresh with the perspectives.

660

I keep myself, and my story, relevant

to those that are seeking what my value

661

is, because in essence, the value that

I am giving, I want to impart onto

662

other people, but it doesn't mean that

I force it onto other people, as I

663

have made quite clear in many of these

episodes since the very beginning.

664

I think that my focus of it, though,

isn't just about helping people tell that

665

story, no matter what kind of concept that

might be, but it's also understanding who

666

I'm trying to serve, because in the real

world, I really want to make sure that

667

they have the results that they want to

have; what they really desire the most.

668

Being able to tell those stories,

regardless of what your background is,

669

no matter what you're volunteering to

do to help out, means that you have to

670

be able to learn what you are becoming,

which Elaine shared quite a lot of

671

that backstory, even in today's show,

but we have to learn how to listen.

672

Active listening in itself is a skill

that we have to keep developing.

673

It even allows us to have that level of

involvement that we oftentimes forget that

674

we need to have in a conversation so that

we can speak, not only of our husbands

675

and wives, not only with our friends and

family, but also with the professionals,

676

the leaders, the lay workers, all the

people in between that help support from

677

an administrative standpoint; all the

people that actually carry out the work.

678

We have to learn how to build up those

areas from all angles if we really are

679

ultimately able to tell the story of

our personal, professional, business

680

related adventures, but the concept of

being happy, being able to feel like we

681

can have moments of enjoyment, mean that

we have to also realize that we have to

682

open ourselves up to the possibility of

having choice, and the freedom of making

683

such choice, especially when the stakes

are very high, especially if we want to

684

help a community of people feel like they

have the value to keep on moving forward.

685

I know that we often talk about on this

show the importance of not only having

686

that sort of dialogue, not only about

having those people committed to making

687

our lives successful, but it also means

that we have to give ourselves a little.

688

It means that we have to be able

to form relationships, confidence,

689

determination, oftentimes in a story

that has not been written yet, but we

690

have a choice as to whether we want to

move that needle forward, move progress

691

in the right direction, or move it

backwards, and I think sometimes to

692

take a step backward, sometimes people

think that that means that we have

693

to sacrifice something, that we have

to give up a little bit of ourselves,

694

but that's not really the truth.

695

The truth of the matter is, when

we have those types of stories that

696

have an awesome beginning, an awesome

middle, and an awesome end, it

697

doesn't necessarily mean that they are

really full of awesome opportunity.

698

I think the best written story is

sometimes dealing with the most difficult

699

of situations, how you're overcoming

them in the middle, but at the same time,

700

what the end result is, or the ending of

that story, that really matters the most.

701

Regardless of whether you are going

from a blue collar to white collar job,

702

or vice versa, or maybe even something

else is happening, maybe something

703

that's totally out of your control.

704

Maybe you are a whistleblower, pointing

out the wrongs of something that's

705

occurring and then being fired unjustly.

706

Maybe you have created a situation

where you maybe made some remarks

707

that you should have never made, but

you got fired, and now you're trying

708

to figure out what's the best path

to move forward, especially if I have

709

to learn how to be more respectful.

710

Isn't the purpose of the story,

especially with the morals that you're

711

supposed to learn from it, also mean

that you have the opportunity to also

712

have a purpose, along with the vision,

of what you could be in the future?

713

Maybe that future is not always bright,

but I have to say, from what we have

714

heard today, I think we have to relearn

the fact that areas of happiness mean

715

that not only do we need to be able to

respect each other, but we also have to

716

respect the fact that when we have the

ups and downs, we're also still building

717

on that awesome story that keeps on

moving forward, whether it's personal or

718

professional, so remember today, that it

isn't just about the ups and downs, the

719

highlights of your story, and maybe even

trying to always be consistently high on

720

the awesome things that are happening.

721

It's okay to fall back a little bit.

722

Take a respite, maybe be boring for that

matter, but it's about getting back into

723

the main part of the story, being active

in your life, and changing the status quo

724

that might be the status quo that you've

always lived in for such a long time.

725

Your story is so important, and whether

you think it is or not, know this.

726

There's somebody that's counting on you

to interact with them, so that they are

727

able to continue their story, but also

the people that are interacting with

728

you are going to help you generate the

story that you have yet to write, even

729

if you think that you're just a plain

Jane, or even somebody else for that

730

matter, that might be just written off

as just a subplot to the overall story.

731

Don't let them hold you back, because hey,

who's the main character of your story?

732

Isn't it you?

733

Well, I think it is, and I think

that's why you should give yourself

734

a little bit more credit than just

writing yourself off as if you never

735

existed, because you're not just a

plant, or just a piece of shrubbery,

736

or just a prop in that overall story.

737

You matter.

738

No matter what role that you play.

739

Thanks for listening to episode

number 125 of Speaking from the

740

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

741

Outro: Thanks for listening.

742

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

743

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

744

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

745

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

746

See you next time.