Shownotes
What's it like to make a hospice decision?
The path ahead, Part #1 of a very personal and shared experience.
In this gripping episode of Eldercare Success, your host, Nancy May, bares her soul, recounting her raw and personal journey through her first experience with hospice care for her father. From the agonizing decision-making process to the final moments of her dad's life, Nancy takes listeners on a rollercoaster of emotions, challenging preconceptions about end-of-life care. With unexpected twists, touching moments, and even a dash of humor, this episode promises to change how you view hospice and prepare you for the unthinkable. Can you afford not to listen?
Part Two, next week, is going to give you an entirely different experience into how to manage Hospice care for your parent or loved one.
Key Takeaways: 📌
- Hospice decisions are deeply personal and should align with the wishes of your loved one.
- The experience is never easy, but there are good people who can still make you smile and even laugh through the final days.
- Preparing for end-of-life care can help ease the emotional burden during difficult times.
Helpful Links: 📌
- Podcast: Eldercare Success (please share with those you care about)
- Book: How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, and After
- Eldercare Success on YouTube
- Eldercare Success, link to ask Nancy a question: A small blue tab on the right side of the page says "Send a Voice Mail Message to Nancy." Click on that and follow the directions on the pop-up. Then, send me your comments and questions so I can answer them on the show.
💪 How you can help:
If you found this episode helpful, please share it with a friend, family member, or even someone you see at your local coffee shop who might be dealing with similar caregiving challenges. Don't forget to subscribe to "Doing it Best with Eldercare Success" on your favorite podcast platform and leave us a five-star review. Your support helps us continue to bring valuable content to caregivers everywhere. Visit EldercareSuccess.Live to leave Nancy a voicemail with your questions or comments for a chance to be featured on the show.
🎧🎤Host: Nancy May has gone from the Boardroom to the Emergency Room to care for her aging parents and educate business owners, corporate employees, and leaders with more strength and confidence in doing well and doing good. Nancy is the five-star author of How to Survive 911 Medical Emergencies, Step-by-Step Before, During, After! and an award-winning expert in managing the complexities of caring for an aging parent or family member, even from over 1200 miles away, or more for a Free File-of-Life to www.howtosurvive911.com.
Nancy is also the Co-Founder of CareManity LLC and the private FaceBook group Eldercare Success.
Disclaimer: The views, perspectives, and opinions expressed in this show are those of the show guests and not directly those of the companies they serve or that of the host or the producer CareManity, LLC. The information discussed should not be considered medical, legal, or financial advice. Please seek advice from your own personal medical, legal, or financial advisors, as each person’s situation is different. (c) Copyright 2024 CareManity, LLC, all rights reserved. CareManity is a trademark of CareManity, LLC.
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Transcripts
Nancy May, Eldercare Success: Hospice, A Personal Experience With Dad,
Speaker:Hospice, My First Experience.
Speaker:My first experience with hospice was listening to a conversation that my
Speaker:mom and her dearest best friend, Carol Kocka, were having in Carol's kitchen.
Speaker:You see, Carol's daughter, Leanne was in the final stages of her
Speaker:own life dealing with cancer.
Speaker:Leanne could barely keep her head up with a soft neck brace.
Speaker:yet insisted on feeding the three of us lunch, Carol, Mom, and me.
Speaker:after Leanne's passing.
Speaker:Hospice was never mentioned again until Carol herself had passed.
Speaker:Sadly, only a few years later, in battling pancreatic cancer.
Speaker:My next personal experience with hospice was when the subject was forced on me.
Speaker:I know, force is probably a word that we don't want to even hear about with
Speaker:hospice, but unfortunately, it often is.
Speaker:You see, we had fought as hard as we could with dad, right
Speaker:up to 99 years and 37 days.
Speaker:There was nothing more that the doctors could do to keep him here with us and mom.
Speaker:A call from the emergency room with our lead aid and the ER
Speaker:nurse told me that Dad and I.
Speaker:We're now backed into a corner and had no place to go.
Speaker:I know that some people say you should never wait this long to make an important
Speaker:decision with regards to hospice.
Speaker:But honestly, I believe that's a very personal decision.
Speaker:And it truly depends upon the wishes of your parent and loved
Speaker:one and how they want to live their life right to the very end.
Speaker:Dad's wishes were to fight And we did.
Speaker:with this first hospice decision in my life, decisions had to
Speaker:be made from 1, 200 miles away.
Speaker:Papers were faxed for my signature and approval and discharge orders
Speaker:on where he's supposed to go.
Speaker:in our case, home with mom, so they could be at each other's side.
Speaker:Through this long, 60 minute process and conversation.
Speaker:My breath was slowly being squeezed from my own body and lungs.
Speaker:With emotionally hard decisions, Fast flight ticket purchases,
Speaker:And a call to my sister.
Speaker:Finally arriving the next day in Tampa International Airport, the
Speaker:drive from the rental car parking lot, 40 minutes north to mom and
Speaker:dad's side, felt like it took days.
Speaker:Parking the car in the garage, and walking in the door, and
Speaker:getting to the foot of dad's bed.
Speaker:Millie, our lead aide at dad's bedside, he took one look at me
Speaker:and said, with surprise, Tracie?,
Speaker:My reply was, No, Dad, it's Nance.
Speaker:I wish I had known better then, as I might have said, Yes, Dad, it is Tracie.
Speaker:You see, Tracy was my younger sister who passed away at three
Speaker:and a half, of childhood leukemia.
Speaker:I hope that this was a sign that Dad was being welcomed into a new world
Speaker:by my sister who loved him dearly, too, and would be taking over his
Speaker:care and new life from this time on.
Speaker:My lead aide, Millie, assured me that this was the case.
Speaker:our hospice team for dad was kind, professional, and direct in how
Speaker:they helped us understand how these final days would be for dad.
Speaker:our emotions, and how we deal with those were things we'd
Speaker:have to figure out ourselves.
Speaker:Honestly, I appreciated every single one of our team members, from Chaplain
Speaker:Scott all the way to Nurse Catherine.
Speaker:They were the warriors and guides for us at this time of life.
Speaker:Within minutes before Dad's final passing, one of our hospice
Speaker:team members just happened to be with us on a scheduled call.
Speaker:to this day, I am thankful that she was there at our side for our aides,
Speaker:for my sister, and yes, for myself.
Speaker:You see, I had been out making sure that funeral arrangements were in
Speaker:place, excruciating as that was.
Speaker:I know that Dad always wanted to make sure that the T's were
Speaker:crossed and the I's were dotted.
Speaker:so when this time came, that I would be able to take care of myself, and
Speaker:yes, everybody else, and not have to worry about anything on my way
Speaker:home, I got a call from my sister.
Speaker:Hurry, hurry!, please, come now, come now.
Speaker:She didn't even have to tell me what was going on, I knew.
Speaker:But Dad hung on until I walked into his room.
Speaker:The exact time, 3.
Speaker:20pm, on Patriots Day.
Speaker:Dad couldn't have selected a better day as he was Mr.
Speaker:Red, White, and Blue to the core.
Speaker:he took his final breath as I reached his feet.
Speaker:After we knew what had happened, my aides asked, if they could be
Speaker:the one to wash and dress Dad.
Speaker:And with respect, I said yes.
Speaker:They dressed Dad in his Dartmouth football jersey, a gift from the current
Speaker:Dartmouth team football coach, Buddy Teevens, and his favorite fuzzy bottle
Speaker:jacket, shorts and crazy socks, a gift that I had given to him a year earlier.
Speaker:And a photo of mom, his three daughters, and a cloth hanky in his pocket.
Speaker:Dad was physically ready to leave us.
Speaker:During this time, I had the opportunity to talk with two funeral directors
Speaker:who were there to help take dad off.
Speaker:I had gotten to know who these men were.
Speaker:One a former Navy fellow,, the other a former firefighter who
Speaker:had moved down to Florida from Massachusetts, And had not lived far
Speaker:from where mom and dad had come from.
Speaker:getting to know these men made me feel better in knowing that dad was
Speaker:in the best care and best hands.
Speaker:draped in an American flag.
Speaker:dad's look on his face was calm and serene.
Speaker:And I insisted that he not be fully covered until taken out the front door.
Speaker:Which is the law, unfortunately, in Florida.
Speaker:I'm pretty sure it is elsewhere.
Speaker:I choked up even thinking about it at this point.
Speaker:the lone hospice worker was with us through this final time, became one of
Speaker:our family members almost within seconds.
Speaker:Dad had always told me over the years, ever since I was a kid actually, to have a
Speaker:scotch and play music when this day came.
Speaker:He said it was a time not to be sad, but to smile, party, And toast life.
Speaker:I asked that hospice nurse if she would stay with us.
Speaker:She looked at her watch, 5:01 PM quitting time.
Speaker:You bet I can.
Speaker:And so she joined us in a scotch and a toast to dad.
Speaker:I thought she might think we were a little weird.
Speaker:So I said, Do you think we're weird?
Speaker:She said, Not a bit.
Speaker:Her response was, You see, I come from a good Irish family.
Speaker:when my grandmother was passing, and in a hospital bed in the middle
Speaker:of our living room, she lay there dying, as we all got soused on wine.
Speaker:So you see, no, you're not weird.
Speaker:With that, we laughed, and now my time was to take care of mom.
Speaker:Hospice is actually a good organization, as much as I said
Speaker:otherwise in the previous episode.
Speaker:there's a lot more in store for the next episode in Hospice Part Number 2 with Mom.
Speaker:Every experience is different, and I want to share these with you so that
Speaker:you won't be afraid, and will know at least a little bit about what to expect.
Speaker:On that note.
Speaker:Please share this episode with a friend, family member, or anybody else
Speaker:that you might know who's going under a little stress and strain and could
Speaker:be caring for somebody else as well.
Speaker:It can be your gift to them because it's my gift to you.
Speaker:This is Nancy May from Eldercare Success.
Speaker:Be well, stay well, and take care.
Speaker:Bye bye.
