We've all had those moments where we stumble upon an old photograph and get hit with a rush of nostalgia, right? Maybe it's hearing a Taylor Swift song, making a milkshake, or playing Mario Kart that bring back memories. Join us as we uncover the significance of how past experiences have shaped us, and how we can move forward with intentionality toward healing.

This episode shines a light on the concept of reparenting ourselves as we unravel how early experiences create our worldviews and how we can harness the power of neuroplasticity to rewrite our narratives. We delve into the importance of self-care, reparenting ourselves, and how setting boundaries can sometimes require a bit of tough love for ourselves. In addition, we examine the profound impact of healing and unlearning for our inner child.

In our reflections on childhood and growth, we find strength in acknowledging that all of our ages and experiences are still within us. We discuss rewiring negative self-talk, practicing self-compassion, and reconnecting with childhood joy for healing. From reminiscing about Taco Bell to indulging in nostalgic activities like playing Nintendo, we discover the simple yet profound ways to reconnect with our inner child.

Topics this week include:

• Pets
• Taylor Swift Eras Tour Movie
• Dreams and subconscious exploration (what do dreams about shoes mean? What about that dream about being unprepared for an exam?)
• What is shadow work?
• What is this inner child stuff?
• Mean mommy and gentle parenting
• Homework battles
• Reparenting and setting boundaries
• Mario Kart
• Taco Bell
• Reconnecting With Childhood Joy

This weeks challenge:

1. Save a picture of little you in a place where you'll see it often.
2. Write a letter to yourself as a child. Tell them what you wish someone would have told you then.
3. Reconnect with your favorite childhood activities and have an "inner child playdate."

Reading List:

• Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh
• Eleven, by Sandra Cisneros

Relevant Links:

• 5 Ways to Reparent Your Inner Child and Heal From Old Wounds
• Deep Secrets and Inner Child Healing
• Psychology Today: Recurring Final Exam Dream
• Shoes in Dreams
• Pope Pitbull (Father Worldwide) Cosplay TikTok 
• The Lantern Oracle deck by Angelina Mirabito, PhD

Find Us:

• Crystal
• Vienna
• Healing Happy Hour

Music by FASSounds on Pixabay.

She crazy as hell.

2

Vienna: =is she only like that with you?

3

Crystal: Mostly she's a little

bit like that with Javi and so

4

it's just JD

5

never snuggles me.

6

And I'm like, because you literally

don't even acknowledge your

7

presence because you're an air

sign and you can't fucking help it.

8

Anyway, he just he's oh, hey, KA

doesn't, whereas J's like an animal

9

lover, like through and through

10

Vienna: That's really

11

Crystal: Me

12

Vienna: Do the boys miss

having doggies around, or?

13

Crystal: actually.

14

Yeah, definitely.

15

Is more of a cat person, so he's

very affectionate with Diddy.

16

Enzo really loved Talia, and he

does say every week, I miss Tully,

17

which is what he called her.

18

And I'd be like,

19

Vienna: too!

20

Crystal: but so while he's

oh, Diddy, hey, what's up?

21

But like with Talia, he like loved Talia.

22

Vienna: That's

23

Crystal: to always harass her, like as a

one year old, he'd pull her tail and shit.

24

I'm like, stop it.

25

But yeah, he loved her.

26

Vienna: That's so cute.

27

Crystal: girl?

28

Vienna: She looks pretty cozy.

29

Crystal: I know.

30

Vienna: always tell me that when

I die, they're gonna get a cat.

31

It's not that I don't like cats,

I'm just allergic to cats, but

32

Crystal: That's a valid reason.

33

Just breathe in the dander.

34

Mom.

35

Vienna: They tell me, they're like,

it's okay that we can't have a cat

36

now, even though we both really

love cats and we really want a cat,

37

but when you die we'll get a cat.

38

Crystal: damn,

39

Vienna: thanks guys.

40

Crystal: my mom told us she was

allergic, but she's not really,

41

she just doesn't like them.

42

Vienna: Did you have

43

Crystal: And so,

44

Vienna: up?

45

Crystal: Dogs and they were

always cocker spaniels.

46

Actually, we had the same cocker

spaniel and then I had two more

47

in college, like graduate school.

48

I had two.

49

She just does not

50

like cats, like old

51

people.

52

Oh, they're sneaky.

53

And they get

54

on, piano and

55

everything and I'm like, yeah, they are.

56

But they're also very sweet and I never

thought I'd have a cat, but here we are.

57

Vienna: I like

58

it.

59

Crystal: I am a cat.

60

I think

61

Vienna: it's very much

your vibe right now.

62

Crystal: A little bitchy, a little.

63

Like

64

Vienna: like you have to

work for it a little bit,

65

It

66

really pays off.

67

Crystal: There's some people that

could stand to hear that message,

68

but anyway.

69

Oh my gosh.

70

So I just I'm like, what day is it?

71

I'm like, where are we in the week?

72

And I haven't even asked, how

was your week, like the rest of

73

your week, last week, and what

did you do for your healing?

74

Vienna: Doesn't it feel

like the days are just...

75

Crystal: Blurring

76

Vienna: even know, I don't even know

what happened over the past few days.

77

I'm looking at my calendar

now to see what I did.

78

We went to see the Eros tour

concert on Friday night.

79

My trials.

80

Amazing.

81

Crystal: I love that for you.

82

Vienna: Incredibly healing.

83

Crystal: I love that for you.

84

Vienna: It was

85

Crystal: I, what did Jimmy do?

86

Was he like, yes.

87

Vienna: Okay, he is the OG

Swifty in our household.

88

He has been into her since he was like

in high school and she was doing country.

89

Crystal: Oh my God, Jimmy.

90

Vienna: I know.

91

He will bring that up every time I

try to be like, you don't even know.

92

He's I don't even know.

93

I don't even know who used to drive to

94

Crystal: was that, his crush?

95

Vienna: He had a crush on her.

96

Yes.

97

Crystal: Aw,

98

Jimmy.

99

Vienna: always she was, she's so hot.

100

I can't believe I'm

like, she wasn't my type.

101

Although now it's changed a little

bit, but Yeah, she definitely

102

wasn't my type there, but I respect

it, yeah, so he was loving it.

103

Crystal: Lover boy.

104

Vienna: you're like a speak now boy and

he's no I'm folklore evermore that's

105

his era, but I'm like, no, you are pure

106

speak now

107

Crystal: for the audience, I

don't even know, I remember when

108

she came out and she was country.

109

I remember when Kanye was mean to her.

110

I remember when she milked it

for the next thousand years.

111

Vienna: Okay, I'm going to stop you right

there because she actually disappeared

112

for a year and a half and deleted all

her socials and then they came after her

113

but I will say you are a rep era girlie.

114

You're in your reputation era and

115

Crystal: name?

116

Okay.

117

Name a song off that album,

and I probably know it.

118

Vienna: that's like the one

with all the snake imagery.

119

It's ooh, look what you made me do.

120

You need to like, I feel like

121

you

122

Crystal: All Let's look at

123

Vienna: with it.

124

You need to vibe with it a little

bit because that is so you and

125

I, it blows my mind that you are

126

Crystal: It's called,

it's called Reputation.

127

Vienna: That was like

128

her, like angsty it was a good era.

129

Crystal: Oh I

130

can't, I don't know any

songs from this album.

131

Vienna: I always say I'm in my

reputation era, but I'm not.

132

If I could tell you to start with...

133

I really want you to do Don't Blame

Me and Look What You Made Me Do

134

because the transition of those

songs in the live version is so good.

135

But also, Delicate is sweet and soft

and I think you'll like that too.

136

Crystal: Okay.

137

Listen for you.

138

I will do it

139

for no other reason.

140

By the way, I did cackle at

the social media posts because

141

when I saw it I was like, oh.

142

And then I was like, that's fair.

143

That's

144

fair.

145

It's

146

Vienna: though.

147

I love that she was like at her own

movie of her concert singing along to

148

Crystal: rocking out to

149

herself.

150

Vienna: We should all show

ourselves that much self love.

151

I took that as

152

Crystal: I was gonna say, I

wanna hate on it, but that's like

153

absolutely something that I would do.

154

Vienna: I'm like,

155

Crystal: I'd be like, Ooh, look at me.

156

Vienna: Good for her.

157

I love that for her.

158

I need to channel that a little bit and

be able to enjoy my successes there.

159

And that really is what I

listen to our podcast back.

160

I'm just like, oh my god, we're so funny.

161

We're so charming.

162

I love these girls.

163

Crystal: I do feel like we are delightful.

164

Vienna: Yeah.

165

Yeah.

166

Crystal: I don't know what I was doing

167

I don't know what I

was doing Friday night.

168

Vienna: I know what you Were doing.

169

You told me what you were going to

do, which is why I knew I was safe to

170

Crystal: Oh,

171

Vienna: That's why I knew it

was safe to be posting TikToks

172

without your permission.

173

Because I was like, she's busy.

174

Crystal: you're right.

175

Yeah, that was uneventful,

176

Vienna: That's disappointing.

177

Crystal: We'll discuss offline.

178

But yeah, that's right.

179

But I did Calco When I saw it before

bed, I was like, oh girl, you know what?

180

I gotta let you have it.

181

Okay.

182

Because you knew what to do.

183

You knew the

184

timeframe in which I would be

unavailable for commentary.

185

But what did I do?

186

Oh, I went to I went to the rum

distillery that I often work at,

187

hadn't been there in a long time.

188

So the eastern shore of Maryland in St.

189

Michael's shout out to women and

distilling in Lion Rum, and I

190

just was so happy to be there.

191

It's always a happy place for me.

192

It's just very chill and I don't

know how anybody could be bad selling

193

booze, so it was just a good time.

194

The girl I worked with,

Erica, she was awesome.

195

And It's fun to get people

to taste a whole bunch of

196

stuff and see what they like.

197

So

198

that was fun.

199

for me.

200

But I will say I think like just

standing for a long time 'cause I'm old.

201

And then the drive back, I just

my hips felt so bad when I got

202

home that I just got in the bed

and I was like, oh God, help me.

203

Like, I just was old why did I

think that I could be standing up

204

for hours on end in docs, which are

comfortable, but not for hours on end.

205

And I was like, crystal,

206

Vienna: some like insoles in there.

207

Crystal: yeah I'm gonna need

like some orthotics or something.

208

But because of that I just feel like

I've been tired the last few days and

209

I've been just going to bed very early.

210

I've been dreaming crazy all

night, which probably has a lot

211

to do with why I'm so tired.

212

Nice.

213

And whenever I get weird like

that, I have to start obviously

214

trying to figure out what's up.

215

And so I started writing a

lot more in the past few days

216

and just pulling a lot more cards

because something has been like, Hey

217

bitch, you got something to work out.

218

And yeah,

219

Vienna: Are you a dream analysis person?

220

Crystal: big time because every dream

I get I I can tell the difference

221

between a dream that's like me working

out something in my subconscious.

222

And then there I have dreams that

are projective in nature and these

223

are like subconscious dreams that I'm

having, but they're like very vivid

224

in the sense that I know I need to

be paying attention to some details.

225

And so I'm waking up in the morning,

like grabbing my phone like trying

226

to write out as much as possible and

unpack some of that stuff I'm seeing.

227

It's so weird.

228

Vienna: I don't have very

many dreams these days.

229

Oh, and I do.

230

They are so vivid.

231

And I'm just like, that's scary.

232

I didn't like that.

233

Even when they're, like, an okay dream,

something about it being vivid really

234

freaks me out because I'm one of those

people that I don't have visual...

235

I feel like we've talked about this

before, but I don't see things, if you

236

tell me to visualize an apple, I don't see

an apple, like it's like inside my brain.

237

I don't see it So when I have a

vivid dream It's really freaky

238

to me because I'm like, I don't

see things in my waking hours

239

Crystal: But it's amazing 'cause

it's like a totally different set

240

of eyes that you're viewing it with.

241

It's like your third eye.

242

It's the way your soul sees, as opposed

to like our like human peon brains.

243

There's just so much that our

subconscious knows that we don't

244

pick up on in our, waking life.

245

And it's amazing to me like what

comes out in dreams because I bet

246

you, you have some very like, strong,

intuitive things popping off in your

247

dreams, and I would guarantee, because

you are pretty grounded, right?

248

Pretty realistic.

249

That's not to say you're not a dreamer

or creative, 'cause people always like,

250

insinuate you have to be one or the other.

251

But you are very like, practical, right?

252

I feel like your dreams are probably

a place for you where they're

253

like, let me show you some wild

shit since you're always getting

254

stuff done during, your waking

255

Vienna: there's definitely wild shit in

there There's so much disorganization

256

that comes through in my dreams,

which is probably like my biggest

257

fear in like real life, but it's

like I can't find somebody or like

258

That I was supposed to do didn't get

done and now the world is falling apart

259

because of it and like it always comes

back to me and a lot of the time in those

260

dreams like I just can't find somebody

or I can't get to somebody fast enough.

261

Or I'm supposed to give somebody a

message and I, I can't get to them

262

there's so much of that and I'm just

like, yeah, it's because my Virgo

263

self does not like my ADHD brain

and is bitch, get your shit together

264

Not gonna be able to do this

anymore, but there's probably

265

something more to it, but also,

266

Crystal: there's

267

much symbolism.

268

It's insane.

269

I always have these dreams where

like I'll be in an elevator and like

270

I can't get to the fucking floor.

271

I'm trying to get to dreams

where I go back to school.

272

I have like last night I think it

was a combination of like wild shit

273

I was watching before bed and like

whatever, but I had a dream that I

274

was like a dignitary of some kind

275

and was like, or pretending to

be one and had, and I was like

276

speaking in this British accent.

277

Vienna: Cardi, what,

278

Crystal: Right.

279

Vienna: is this just Cardi?

280

Okay.

281

Crystal: I fucking love her.

282

Um, I was unhinged like for sure,

but I was speaking in this British

283

accent and I think I remember like

thinking I know I'm not British, but

284

I'm doing it because I need to like.

285

Infiltrate this place, or I

286

need them to believe this.

287

It was something weird.

288

Like I knew I was faking it and I

was trying to, I was getting ready

289

to be introduced to some people, but

I could not find my fucking shoes.

290

And they were all these shoes,

it was like a pile of shoes.

291

And they were, some of them would be

the same color but not the same style.

292

And it was, they were just all messed up.

293

And I could not fucking find

two shoes that matched for shit.

294

And like, I don't know,

let's fucking look it up.

295

I

296

don't, I mismatched shoe dream.

297

Vienna: yeah, shoes

feels like very specific.

298

Crystal: I, yeah, it's got to I'm gonna

look at the first thing that comes

299

up on Google 'cause just for time's

sake, but Oh, that's ha, that's funny.

300

Spiritually, I dream about

wearing mismatched shoes.

301

Means that you are making some decisions

that are not in your best interests.

302

Best things come in pairs.

303

So why were so By wearing mismatched

shoes, you may be making some decisions

304

that lead to frustration in the future.

305

You may feel uneasy about the

relationship you're involved in.

306

Oh,

307

Jesus Christ.

308

Vienna: Is that too on point?

309

Oh, and shoes in general, like what they

represent in a dream, what does it say

310

Crystal: Yeah,

311

Vienna: Maybe stepping into

new roles, trying on different

312

aspects of your identity.

313

Different shoes might represent

different roles that we're taking.

314

Crystal: I can see that.

315

Vienna: the pile of shoes is

like all the different roles that

316

you have in your life, and like

how do you bring them together?

317

Or,

318

Crystal: Yeah.

319

Yeah.

320

Like it was like nothing went couldn't,

321

Vienna: seeing shoes and dreams

provides insight into our willingness

322

or unwillingness to embrace change.

323

Are there changes that are

happening that maybe we're not

324

able to get it together for?

325

Or not willing

326

to?

327

Does that

328

Crystal: sure.

329

sure.

330

Yeah,

331

Vienna: You're like, fuck this shit.

332

Fuck these

333

Crystal: yeah.

334

Yeah.

335

I I can see multiple areas where

that would all apply very accurately.

336

Vienna: I hope you just have

really satisfying dreams tonight.

337

Crystal: I do too.

338

'cause Some of them are lit though.

339

Some of them are like, what?

340

Like I do have these dreams that

are like, they're not recurring.

341

The theme isn't recurring, but

I'm visiting the same place

342

and it's not any place I know.

343

So I don't, I think it's, I

personally think I'm Ash or

344

projecting somewhere else, but

345

Vienna: I like that for you.

346

Crystal: 'cause no dream is the same,

but I'm starting to learn like the the

347

terrain of this place and it's so weird.

348

I just want me, if I could just get

into my metaphysical bag for a second.

349

Vienna: Oh my god.

350

That sounds amazing.

351

Is it

352

What's the vibe of it?

353

Does it feel good?

354

Does it feel

355

Crystal: It's seaside.

356

It doesn't feel scary anymore because

I feel like I've been there so much

357

and it's this seaside town that

goes from like mountains on one

358

end to like jungle on the other.

359

It's insane.

360

And part, sometimes it feels

like, it reminds me a little bit

361

of Long Beach, but like nicer.

362

So it's like my brain is like, puts

together like a certain strip of

363

road and then like I'll have another

dream and it'll connect like that

364

strip to another strip of road.

365

it's like,

366

Vienna: it's like building out the

367

Crystal: yeah, it's the most insane place,

like insane thing I've ever experienced.

368

And it's also I've been dreaming

about this place for a solid

369

two, three years I think.

370

So it just keeps expanding for me.

371

Vienna: That's wild.

372

My main recurring dream is so annoying.

373

It's it's so fucking annoying

because I always have it.

374

It's, I didn't know until the

very last day that I was supposed

375

to, that I had signed up for a

class, and now it's the final.

376

But I didn't even know I was taking the

class, and I have to take the final.

377

They're not letting me not do it.

378

They're like, no, you

have to take the final.

379

And I'm like, but I didn't do anything.

380

What, I was supposed to

withdraw from this class.

381

I submitted the paperwork to withdraw.

382

I didn't even

383

Crystal: that's so frustrating.

384

Vienna: And I'm just like, I haven't

even been in school for how long?

385

Like I

386

Crystal: are you waking up

like frustrated beyond measure?

387

Like

388

Vienna: Yeah, I wake up like in a panic,

but I'm just like, this is everything I've

389

ever been afraid of, is that I'm gonna

show up to something and not be prepared.

390

Crystal: What does that mean?

391

Vienna: Probably that I'm a crazy person.

392

Crystal: Oh, girl, I, let's see.

393

Dreams.

394

About what?

395

Vienna: Like

396

Crystal: missing Like a test?

397

Vienna: a final without taking the class.

398

I feel like that's common.

399

I don't know.

400

Maybe I'm just like, Oh, these

401

are people who have demanded a

high performance from themselves.

402

Yeah, tell me about that.

403

Crystal: I don't appreciate how shady

404

Vienna: alright, Washington Post.

405

I don't even need that from you.

406

Crystal: shut the

407

Vienna: coming for me like this.

408

Reflection of responsibilities.

409

Yeah.

410

Crystal: Fear of judgment.

411

Vienna: It's what a very...

412

Okay, there's a whole article.

413

in psychology today about

this specific dream, so

414

Crystal: Oh man.

415

Vienna: it's very common.

416

Crystal: Oh my God.

417

Look, the Google search

for that comes right up.

418

oh,

419

oh.

420

, the dream as a reminder not to

miss an opportunity or take a more

421

a active role in one's destiny.

422

Vienna: Beating myself up for always

being a procrastinator, and it's

423

Crystal: Yeah.

424

Yes.

425

Vienna: of being a procrastinator, but,

426

Crystal: Or feeling like you're taking too

long to achieve a goal, which is bullshit.

427

Vienna: Yeah,

428

Crystal: that wild?

429

Good God.

430

Listen here.

431

I don't need our dreams.

432

Shading the shit out of us.

433

Vienna: yeah, I don't need that at all

I already, I've got enough going on.

434

Yeah, do you want to pull what

we're, what do we pull in from today?

435

Crystal: Oh my gosh.

436

So listen, y'all, shadow work season

we bought is like all up in it.

437

It's here.

438

As your resident cancer, I can feel that

incoming energy long before it arrives.

439

If you feel like things are very

heavy and you want a hermit crab.

440

If you've been asking yourself

the question of why am I like this

441

frequently throughout the day embrace

shadow season, doing a little deep

442

dive into self and my favorite

Oracle deck for doing shadow work.

443

It's called The Lantern Oracle.

444

This deck is super, super special to me,

probably because it's most Oracle decks.

445

A lot of people will

say are like bullshit.

446

I hear that, okay, I do,

I receive it, whatever.

447

But this one is the most on point and one

of the most visually beautiful, but also

448

emotionally connected decks I've ever

worked with because it really is I really

449

love the way the stack divides the journey

of your womanhood into the maiden, the

450

mother, the crone like moves you through

these different stages in your life.

451

And it just gives these really

beautiful fitting messages.

452

And it's really great for shadow work.

453

Vienna: Can you tell me a little

bit more about shadow work?

454

Crystal: I'd say the short of it is

shadow work is Really trying to hold

455

a light to the subconscious or hidden

aspects of our personhood and bringing

456

those things to the forefront, because

there's often places within that landscape

457

where we really need to find healing.

458

And it's, to me, the subconscious, it's

the 12th house, astrology that shadow

459

is not always things that might be

dark, they might be seemingly dark, but

460

in those things are really beautiful

opportunities for healing and for being

461

witnessed and being seen for the better.

462

I know that I'm in a shadow work

season examining what my patterns

463

are and how those connect to maybe

some previous events from when I was

464

younger or from my childhood or learned

behaviors and how those can help or

465

hurt my interpersonal relationships.

466

And that.

467

And that's not to say like romantic

lovers, you also calm down.

468

But with everyone with my kids, with my

parents, all of it with other friends.

469

So that is a shadow work.

470

It doesn't always mean it doesn't ever

mean like to me some weird, dark nonsense.

471

The way like some people

will paint it out to be.

472

It is the necessary work of

asking why we are the way we are

473

How we can, apply some healing

to ourselves and not do any more

474

damage to ourself or to others.

475

Vienna: yeah,

476

that makes sense.

477

Like literally the

478

piece of pieces of ourself that

we try to talk into those shadows

479

that we aren't bringing out

480

into the light.

481

That makes sense.

482

Crystal: Precisely, exactly.

483

So this this is a really

great resource for that.

484

I don't come to this deck every day.

485

I come when I know that there are

things that I need to unearth.

486

So I just want to ask spirit to

draw from our collective energy

487

and give us a message as we move

into this season of shadow work.

488

Okay.

489

This is radical self-acceptance.

490

You are perceived the way

you perceive yourself.

491

Vienna: This feels incredibly targeted.

492

I hate when Spirit is

493

Crystal: It's loud like

494

this,

495

Vienna: the 4U page algorithm.

496

Okay, this is too much.

497

I can already tell, and I'm mad about it.

498

Crystal: When I tell you I've been getting

shaded all week and I'm like, damn, y'all

499

are really beating my ass a little bit.

500

The relationship you have with yourself

informs how you relate to others.

501

The way you see yourself

affects how you perceive others

502

and assume how they see you.

503

The expectations you place in

yourself are reflected in the

504

disappointments you experience.

505

From, and the judgments

you make upon others.

506

When we only accept the best parts

of ourselves, we mirror well of

507

wow, such conditional acceptance

towards others and the world.

508

Drawing this card calls for

a time of deep reflection.

509

What is it about yourself

that you're rejecting?

510

And why?

511

Where did that story come from that

suggested something about you was wrong,

512

not good enough, or needed to change?

513

Whose belief was that before it was yours?

514

As you meditate on the answers to these

questions, it's is it negative and

515

oppressive energy that comes up for you?

516

If so, it's okay to breathe.

517

When you're ready, proceed with

the following writing prompts.

518

They do have some writing prompts here.

519

Make a note of any aspects that

you will struggle to accept.

520

And yourself.

521

They want you to write a letter.

522

I love this 'cause it's very similar

to what we're gonna talk about today.

523

Write a letter of gratitude to your

shadow parts, letting them know that you

524

appreciate how they have served you and

stood by you the only way they knew how.

525

Take them into your heart as

they are and celebrate them.

526

As you do this, notice whether

any powerful or positive

527

energy comes up for you.

528

If so, good, breathe deeply into

it and allow all the positive,

529

compassionate, and loving energy to

marinate through every atom of your body.

530

Tune in to your voice from

your heart center and tune out

531

unsupportive external forces.

532

Allow your body thoughts and

heart to breathe in tune with your

533

spirit, self beat and vitality

so that blessings can reach you.

534

Remember that every perceived rejection,

setback, or failure is a lesson forming

535

your pathway to the door that opens.

536

Only you can stop you

from walking through.

537

And the guardian's message here is

your difference is your blessing

538

and your responsibility to share.

539

Vienna: Okay.

540

Okay.

541

I hear it.

542

They're like, so you're talking

about inner child work today, huh?

543

Crystal: Mm-hmm.

544

Vienna: get the ball rolling.

545

Crystal: just let me help you

out a bit is what they said.

546

Um, that's really beautiful and very

fitting actually to some personal

547

writing I was doing earlier.

548

It's on point, but I love that as a really

beautiful segue into our topic this week.

549

Vienna: Yeah.

550

No, I was also talking with

my therapist earlier today

551

about pretty much exactly that.

552

And I'm like, oh, this

is all very relevant.

553

I think we hear a lot of people talking

about inner child Both from a psychology

554

perspective, from a healing perspective,

from a more spiritual perspective.

555

And I think this is one of those really

interesting places where it's actually

556

pretty aligned from medical psychology

and the spiritual understanding

557

of what an inner child is and my

understanding from those different places.

558

It's really the part of us

that's been with us since we were

559

born, maybe before we were born.

560

And just that piece of ourselves

that's been subconsciously picking up

561

information, picking up cues, patterns

categorizing the information, that in

562

a way that like our human conscious

brains can make sense of, from the

563

time you are an infant, if you are

crying and there's a certain response

564

to you, or if every time you smell your

mother, you know that food comes next,

565

you begin to categorize these things.

566

And there's millions of pieces

of information flying at us every

567

day, every second, seemingly.

568

So our inner child is using those.

569

And those pieces of information to

form the narratives, the beliefs, and

570

the way we see the world as adults.

571

Crystal: Wow.

572

Vienna: Is that sort of how you feel?

573

Is that, do you have any other differences

in how you would describe it, Crystal?

574

Crystal: That's pretty, a pretty,

comprehensive way to look at

575

it, and I think very accurate.

576

My inner child to me, always feels like

the most unfiltered, unadulterated,

577

purest version of self, which I

like to think is our highest self.

578

Because of those observations,

because of that data collecting, it's

579

like we feel it and we see it and

recognize it before we even have the

580

language to understand what it is

581

Vienna: yeah, and

582

Before we have the language to judge

how we feel about something, too.

583

Crystal: Exactly.

584

It's like we're, it's like seeing

something Truly in its most raw form

585

and experiencing that.

586

in the same way,

587

Vienna: And I think when you start to

get into the fact that as children,

588

we may not have always gotten the

things that we needed, and this

589

is also not to place blame, right?

590

We might just have needed something

different than what our caretakers,

591

our providers, the world at large,

was capable of providing at that time.

592

But that lack of having those things also

informs the narratives that we grow up

593

with then, and that become our worldview.

594

And I think what's really important

to note there is because of the things

595

that we do understand scientifically

about neuroplasticity, it's not

596

too late to change these things.

597

And I think a lot of people do.

598

With, whether it's shadow work,

whether it's therapy, whatever that is,

599

We're using that neuroplasticity

and building on that to change

600

those stories, change those beliefs,

explore where they're coming from,

601

and maybe changing them a little bit.

602

And that right there, for me, is a

process of reparenting ourselves that

603

we're just like, all right let's dig

back into this, see how we got it.

604

Crystal: Yeah.

605

Vienna: And maybe how can

we tweak that a little bit?

606

Crystal: Yeah.

607

Yes.

608

it's interesting.

609

I'm glad that you said re-parenting.

610

To me, re-parenting is like when

people say self-care re-parenting

611

is, to me is self-care.

612

Yeah.

613

crystal--she-her-_1_10-17-2023_195258:

Self-care can be spa days and

614

Crystal: skincare and shit like that.

615

It can be, but re-parenting is self-care

to me because it's like Being a parent

616

is not easy, and it doesn't mean that

you do the thing that you wanna do.

617

It means you do the thing you have to do.

618

And I think that one of the

most self-affirming thing you

619

can do is ask yourself what you

need and give yourself that.

620

And for example, that means me

not going to bed at midnight.

621

It means I need to go to bed earlier.

622

I'm gonna feel like shit.

623

If I don't start like having some care

with my sleep hygiene and like building a

624

better routine, I am gonna be exhausted.

625

And so that means maybe I need to

put some new boundaries in place.

626

Maybe I need to put d and d

on my phone at nine o'clock.

627

Maybe it means I need to turn the

TV off by 10 so that I can, I.

628

Like wind down, or maybe I

don't need to have a TV in

629

the bedroom or whatever it is.

630

Or if I know that my back is aching a lot

because I am, I don't know, not moving

631

my body enough and I'm stiff as fuck.

632

Maybe I have to say I don't

really feel like it, but I should

633

probably stretch before bed.

634

Maybe reparenting is being like, I need

to rework my budget because some things

635

that I like to do are not necessarily

things I can work in the budget,

636

Vienna: Don't say it.

637

That's mean parenting.

638

Crystal: I like, I don't,

I don't love you, mom.

639

You're mean.

640

I feel sometimes, like trying

to tell myself like, no, girl,

641

you can't do that this month.

642

Vienna: but also like I tell my kids

this all the time that I'm like,

643

hey, mean mommy is coming through

and mean mommy sometimes knows

644

what's best.

645

And is it fun that I tell you that you

can't have any screens until homework

646

is done and your room is picked up and.

647

Everything you needed to do is done,

no, but I'm gonna be mean mommy and if

648

mean mommy needs to confiscate the iPad

because you're sneaking it, I need you

649

to trust that it is for your benefit.

650

Crystal: Sometimes we have to mean

mommy ourself and that doesn't

651

mean talking to ourself like shit.

652

It means being like, Hey, you

gotta do something different

653

if you wanna feel different.

654

And so let's form some different habits,

some different methods of self-care

655

that are not superficial.

656

Vienna: that is so faxed, too, because

I think when we hear mean mommy, we

657

think abusive, or rude, or harsh.

658

And I think that's that line of

people talking about gentle parenting.

659

It's not permissive parenting.

660

It's saying that I'm going to put

these boundaries in place, and

661

I'm going to hold you to them.

662

I'm going to respect you.

663

I'm not going to call you names.

664

I'm not going to scream at you.

665

But there are boundaries, and I'm

going to treat you like a human who

666

is worthy of respect, because you

are a human who is worthy of respect.

667

If we could gentle parent

ourselves, that's great too.

668

And

669

Crystal: seriously

670

Vienna: that's what I mean

when I say mean mommy.

671

I'm not calling anybody names.

672

Although I will call myself names,

which is not a good behavior, but

673

I'm not going to do that to my kids.

674

Crystal: This is why we are

where we are here, baby.

675

That's showbiz

676

because That's We, it, I love it.

677

But that's how we are, we end

up here and talking about this

678

because we could take two routes.

679

We could go like where we think

the me mommy is, or we can operate

680

from a place of you might not like

this, but it's for your own good.

681

And it's not like you beating up on

yourself, it's you being like, no,

682

we've gotta change some habits around.

683

Or we have to put some

more boundaries in place.

684

Or we have to remove some and

be a little bit more flexible.

685

take a little bit better care of

your body outie because you are stiff

686

everywhere and your joints hurt.

687

Vienna: Yeah.

688

Crystal: And maybe there are some things

that we don't wanna do because it requires

689

a healthy amount of change and change

is really overwhelming in adulthood too,

690

just like it

691

Vienna: That's such a like,

mean mommy moment that you're

692

like, you have one iPad.

693

If you break that iPad, I

will not buy you another one.

694

You will have to have no iPad.

695

We have one body.

696

You break that body, I'm not

going to buy you another one.

697

You're going to

698

have to work with what you've got.

699

Crystal: you've got.

700

Like,

701

legitimately.

702

And I think that sometimes when you

phrase it in those terms, you can

703

hear how much sense it makes, I had

a client, she was the most lovely.

704

Like the kind of like heart space

that is overflowing all the time which

705

is beautiful, but also if it's like

overflowing all the time with no, like

706

it can flood the areas around it, right?

707

It can, it,

708

can flood others.

709

And the thing is like she had a wonderful

child who was really like gifted

710

and in many ways, and particularly

with sports, and they were always

711

forgetting their equipment every time

he forgot it, he would call her at work.

712

She would leave work and go home, get the

equipment and bring it to him at school.

713

And she was just so frustrated by this

behavior and, and understandably and,

714

while like venting about this frustration,

she's I basically she feel, she also felt

715

bad for him at the same time, but she was

really frustrated by the fact that just

716

assumed no matter what, she would drop it.

717

And I said but

718

Vienna: Yeah.

719

Crystal: drop everything and then go get

his equipment and bring it to school?

720

She's yeah, I do And I'm like,

so you're mad at him because

721

you have set the precedence that

you're gonna do this every time.

722

You think that he doesn't appreciate it?

723

I said, and that might be true, but

if you don't like this, you're going

724

to have to stop because it's not doing

him any kind of service to say every

725

time you don't have yourself in order,

I am going to drop what you're doing.

726

Because in the real world, that

just doesn't happen like that.

727

That's not to say that you can't have

like empathy or help when you're able

728

to or whatever, but to always put

yourself out to make sure that they,

729

that you can fix a mistake for them

every time, doesn't teach them that

730

they are capable of doing it themself

731

Vienna: It teaches them that they

need to rely on somebody else,

732

that they cannot do it themselves.

733

That's the worst case outcome

there, is you're actively teaching

734

them to not rely on themselves.

735

Crystal: Yes.

736

And truthfully, like this kid was awesome.

737

He absolutely could do it.

738

And this is not to say this is not like a

bootstraps narrative like This is to say

739

it's a, it's an issue of like boundaries.

740

I need you to understand that my work

is important, that I can't drop my

741

work every time you forget a thing

because you were a teenager and you

742

should remember your own equipment.

743

If this is if this sport is your life and

it's not important to you, then you need

744

to prioritize it and remember your stuff

the same way I have to prioritize work

745

because I have bills to pay for all of us.

746

You know what I mean?

747

it's Like showing someone the way

in which they can be an adult.

748

And that way you are not resentful

749

You know that you always

have to help someone.

750

who doesn't know or can't see

751

that.

752

like someone needs help

753

Vienna: are explicitly great at

understanding the nuance there of Yeah.

754

Invisible labor

755

.

Crystal: And she was worried about being labeled a mean mom.

756

That's why

757

I went on this tangent,

758

Vienna: it makes so much sense though.

759

I, when Dominic was in second

grade, he started getting homework

760

and he came like the first day

and he started to do his homework.

761

And I was like, here's the deal.

762

I'm not going to make

you do your homework.

763

I'm not gonna sit here with you and fight

764

with you like I will.

765

If you want me here while you

work on it, happy to do that.

766

If you want me here so you can ask

some questions, we can chat about

767

your day while you're working on

it, you want me to put on music

768

Crystal: Mm-hmm.

769

Vienna: happy to help you create

the environment, but I will not sit

770

here and scream at you to do it.

771

And he started flipping out, like

he threw his pencil, he knocked his

772

homework over, and I was like, I see

you're having real big feels about this.

773

I'm not gonna be a part of this.

774

I'm gonna let you do

whatever you need to do.

775

You give me a call when you're

ready to get back to it.

776

If you need some help, I'm

right in the other room.

777

But I'm not.

778

This is, we have a long lifetime of

homework doing to get through together.

779

And right now the precedent that I

will set is not going to be that like

780

we're gonna fight about this every day.

781

Because I have enough confidence in

you that you can do this yourself.

782

I know that you are smart, you

783

are capable, you're on top of your shit.

784

I'm like...

785

I have faith in you for that.

786

I know that I don't need to be

here sitting on you to do this.

787

Because I also remember doing homework

as a kid was a battle every day.

788

Crystal: Oof

789

Vienna: stupid at the end of it.

790

I felt like I wasn't

taking it seriously enough.

791

I was doing everything wrong

and I was like, This I'm not

792

bringing this into my house.

793

Crystal: I know it.

794

And that's, it's, listen, if your

parents have ever screamed at you

795

while you've done your homework

796

Vienna: Like every day of ever doing math.

797

Crystal: I didn't know dyscalculia was

a thing, but I bet you a bitch has it.

798

And yeah.

799

I'm just gonna say this.

800

It is very difficult to erase

the narrative that I came to

801

believe at the hands of my

parents helping me with homework.

802

And, um, it's a bummer,

803

Vienna: it comes up.

804

Every therapy session that it's I'm lazy.

805

I'm playing stupid.

806

I'm not working hard enough.

807

I'm not focusing.

808

I'm getting distracted.

809

It's not cute to play dumb.

810

Why are you like these things

come up that it's like the

811

you're these are sloppy mistakes.

812

It's because you're

not trying hard enough.

813

These things every day of my life

have now become part of my narrative

814

that I tell myself every day.

815

And I, it was truly my senior

year of high school when I was put

816

into an honors math class that I

was like, Wait, I'm good at math.

817

And I remember my teacher was like,

Yeah, we're putting you in this

818

because you're really good at math.

819

And I'm like no somehow we

got like things mixed up.

820

I'm not good at math.

821

I'm stupid.

822

And I'm lazy.

823

And I don't work hard enough.

824

And he's just looking at

me like, What are you like?

825

What is what are you talking about?

826

But I was just like, this.

827

This can't possibly be, and these are the

narratives that we tell ourselves, and it

828

takes a long time to unlearn these things.

829

Crystal: Yes it does.

830

Vienna: So where, How does the

inner child show up in our life?

831

I know we definitely gave a couple of

examples of where we are finding ourselves

832

touching in with our inner child and

I'm, I had read this book, it's called

833

Reconciliation, it's super good, it's

really short, called Reconciliation,

834

Healing the Inner Child, I'll include

that in the show notes but the author

835

gives a really interesting example where

he's talking about refugees fleeing.

836

From where they grew up, coming to

another land, maybe it was a really

837

dangerous voyage across the water.

838

They get to safety.

839

They're living this new life where the

danger of that does not exist anymore.

840

They can still tap into those feelings.

841

They can still tap into those memories.

842

And if somebody brings it up,

they can still tap right into it.

843

And then he was talking about, there

might be like, you might have a picture

844

of the ocean, and it's just a picture.

845

A picture cannot hurt you, you are not

in danger, but like, when someone looks

846

at this picture, they can physically

feel those sensations of danger, of

847

fear, they can hear the voices, they

can hear everything they went through.

848

We still physically feel that danger

when we tap into these things.

849

And it's because we hold on to

the experiences, because that

850

person who we were at the time

is still inside us, right?

851

we have those moments, and just thinking

about yeah, a picture is not dangerous,

852

but I know there's pictures I can see.

853

And it's of a moment in time, and

I'm like, throws you right back

854

there, because maybe we didn't

fully deal with these things that

855

we were going through at the time.

856

And we just put it away, put

the picture away, don't look

857

at it, don't think about it.

858

But

859

Crystal: Wow.

860

I can see that for sure.

861

It's almost I don't know,

it's like opening up a, like

862

a memory box of things that.

863

You just don't think you are

like, oh yeah, I remember that.

864

But to say you remember something and

then to see it, something about seeing a

865

picture or like hearing a song or having

a smile like that limerence or something

866

like that feels so real and it's jarring.

867

And I think obviously that's the thing

that, in many situations when people

868

have like P t Ss D and stuff like that

it brings all of that to the forefront

869

and you're like, Ooh, like what?

870

Especially with some of the childhood

stuff, like you said, it's like we

871

thought we dealt with it and here it is

creeping back up again and it's never

872

gonna have a different it's always gonna

be like a little bit triggering, right?

873

But like, how we deal with it,

I think is like how we deal or

874

how we heal the inner child.

875

It's like learning different ways to

deal with it when those things come up.

876

Vienna: I am having.

877

In real time.

878

Illegit.

879

Like a breakthrough a little bit.

880

So I always say I am sensitive

and I am not sentimental.

881

I don't keep things.

882

I don't cling to things.

883

I don't have toys from when I was a kid.

884

Like anytime my mom would be like, oh

here's a box of things to go through.

885

I'm like, throw it out.

886

I don't want it.

887

I don't need it.

888

I don't keep anything.

889

And I can remember having this

dress and waking up one morning and

890

being like, I need to get rid of it.

891

I can't look at it.

892

I can't see it.

893

I can't even put it into a bag.

894

I need to just get rid of it

because, like a thing that

895

happened while I was wearing it.

896

And it's I will not allow myself to

hold onto souvenirs, memories, because

897

they're so physically in these things.

898

I'm like, maybe I'm not just

Marie Kondo ing my life.

899

Maybe I'm just like, running

from potential triggers.

900

Shit!

901

Maybe I shouldn't have

gotten rid of all that stuff.

902

Oh man.

903

Crystal: First of all, that's huge.

904

That's huge.

905

And I'm glad that you're sharing

that because it's worth examining.

906

Like when you're ready,

that's a huge thing.

907

I love to get rid of shit.

908

I will throw any fucking thing away.

909

And I think it's part, and I'm a

cancer, so like everybody always

910

oh, cancers are a little hoardy.

911

Because we're very s we

are very sentimental.

912

And I do keep some things, but

there's a lot of shit I don't,

913

I'm just like, get rid of it.

914

It doesn't serve any purpose.

915

Get rid of it.

916

Vienna: I also think there is a little

bit of the millennial response to boomer

917

parents who hang on to a lot of stuff.

918

I think there is a little bit of that

at work here, so I won't say it's all

919

just me refusing to deal with stuff.

920

But, wow.

921

that's a

922

whole

923

Crystal: That's amazing.

924

Vienna: Thank you for this

free therapy breakthrough.

925

I didn't even have to pay my

therapy copay for that one, so

926

Crystal: Oh, honey, that's all you,

that's an, but that's what a, like what

927

Amazing self-awareness and I'm just

glad that you feel safe enough to allow

928

that to even come to the forefront.

929

That's pretty cool.

930

Oh my God.

931

On the con.

932

So while we're talking about

like getting rid of shit, there's

933

stuff, then there's memories.

934

I feel like there's a chunk of shit

that I don't remember very well at all.

935

I remember specific The

same like couple of events.

936

There's a lot of stuff I don't remember

937

Or I don't wanna look at, whatever.

938

And sometimes when I feel a little

trick or trigger and I don't know,

939

like where it comes from, I'm like,

oh, I bet you it's locked away in there

940

somewhere like It's it's all connected.

941

But I think that what happens when we

start to like square away some of that

942

stuff, the stuff, physical stuff and

the memories and some of the emotional

943

stuff is that we take with it some of

the good things about being a kid too.

944

And I think it's how we very easily

allow like the tiny heater voice to

945

take over and be more dominant or

we forget how to connect with the

946

creative parts of ourself or how to

voice our needs and things like that.

947

I feel like that's the stuff that gets

buried along with some of the other

948

stuff that we might not wanna look at,

949

Vienna: yeah, it's hard to start to

unpack those things, it definitely feels

950

like it could be dangerous to open that

box when you don't know what's there.

951

And I will not shame anybody

who's just yeah, no, I can't

952

go there, sorry, because that's

953

fully where I'm spending

a lot of time right now.

954

I don't know.

955

Maybe there's good stuff in there, too.

956

Maybe you're right.

957

Crystal: I have, I had to look

very deep for, was it E M D R

958

I had to think like very hard.

959

And I noticed I was able to pull out

a couple things and in all three or

960

four things that I could think of.

961

My sister was like a part of

them and one of them being like,

962

her making me, you're so fat.

963

Oreo milkshakes, like after school, like

before my mom got home, like a shit ton

964

of Oreos and then ice cream and milk.

965

It's just like a lactose bomb

966

waiting to go off

967

Vienna: That is...

968

Honestly I know this.

969

We all would be like, my inner fat

kid as well is yes, love that, but

970

the sweetness of that being like,

971

nourishment from

972

your sister who's truly nourishing you.

973

Was it the most nutritious thing?

974

Absolutely not.

975

But That is probably like,

how many ways did she have to

976

show you she cared about you?

977

Crystal: Totally.

978

Vienna: you the snack is like,

how she cut in that moment.

979

And of course that sticks with you.

980

That is so special.

981

Crystal: Yeah.

982

Big time like that.

983

That's one of my favorite that's

one of my favorite memories.

984

Like I can, I feel like I can almost

hear the blender and like playing

985

Super Mario Brothers with her on the

Nintendo, right when it came out.

986

And we had a very specific way

we would play with each other.

987

And like when it was her, she'd always

make me be Luigi because she sucks.

988

And she's the older sister,

she's eight years older than me.

989

And I'd be like, Lu, you fucking sinks.

990

I hated it.

991

She would literally sit in my ear

while I was playing and be like die.

992

So and I would do it to her like,

so that our character would die.

993

Like those things.

994

Like they crack me up and so

but it took me like a minute

995

to pull them back out again.

996

And I was so glad when I did.

997

'cause they

998

just like, they cracked me up, and

it's unfortunate that with a lot

999

of the stuff that we have trouble

with, that we bury, like those

00:47:43,437 --> 00:47:45,517

things that like, are really joyful,

00:47:45,727 --> 00:47:47,557

Vienna: just pack the whole thing up.

00:47:47,677 --> 00:47:48,697

We don't have time to,

00:47:49,577 --> 00:47:49,817

Crystal: Yeah.

00:47:50,127 --> 00:47:51,177

Like a picnic blanket.

00:47:51,407 --> 00:47:51,937

Just like

00:47:52,337 --> 00:47:52,937

Trash you go.

00:47:53,127 --> 00:47:53,417

Yeah.

00:47:54,367 --> 00:47:54,657

Yeah.

00:47:56,097 --> 00:47:57,617

Vienna: That's really, I love that.

00:47:57,627 --> 00:47:59,647

I love that you were able to

get some of those out of there.

00:48:00,647 --> 00:48:04,537

Did you ever read the story

Eleven by Sandra Cisneros?

00:48:05,387 --> 00:48:06,907

It's a very short story.

00:48:07,807 --> 00:48:08,027

Crystal: No.

00:48:08,097 --> 00:48:08,387

Okay.

00:48:08,657 --> 00:48:11,747

I've read I've read something else by her.

00:48:11,847 --> 00:48:13,587

Is it, is she the author of House on Mango

00:48:13,587 --> 00:48:13,787

Street?

00:48:14,607 --> 00:48:14,827

Yes.

00:48:15,097 --> 00:48:15,387

Yeah.

00:48:15,497 --> 00:48:15,787

Okay.

00:48:16,217 --> 00:48:16,867

I've read that.

00:48:17,367 --> 00:48:18,307

But I have not read this.

00:48:18,467 --> 00:48:20,547

I am going to read it though,

because you didn't mention it

00:48:20,587 --> 00:48:25,547

Vienna: Okay, I, Put a link up, but

I'll just read the first paragraph.

00:48:26,367 --> 00:48:28,877

It says, What they don't understand

about birthdays, and what they

00:48:28,877 --> 00:48:32,387

never tell you, is that when you're

11, you're also 10, and 9, and

00:48:32,397 --> 00:48:35,937

8, and 7, and 6, and 5, and 4, 1.

00:48:36,297 --> 00:48:38,257

And when you wake up on your

11th birthday, you expect

00:48:38,257 --> 00:48:39,617

to feel 11, but you don't.

00:48:39,707 --> 00:48:42,907

You open your eyes, and everything's

just like yesterday, only it's today.

00:48:43,387 --> 00:48:45,967

And you don't feel 11 at all,

you feel like you're still 10.

00:48:46,197 --> 00:48:48,687

And you are, underneath

the year that makes you 11.

00:48:49,302 --> 00:48:51,452

Like some days you might say

something stupid, and that's

00:48:51,452 --> 00:48:52,742

the part of you that's still 10.

00:48:53,232 --> 00:48:56,172

Or maybe some days you need to sit on

your mama's lap because you're scared,

00:48:56,202 --> 00:48:57,542

and that's the part of you that's 5.

00:48:58,182 --> 00:49:00,802

And maybe one day when you're all

grown up, maybe you'll need to cry

00:49:00,802 --> 00:49:02,382

like if you're 3, and that's okay.

00:49:02,752 --> 00:49:04,912

That's what I tell mama when

she's sad and needs to cry.

00:49:04,972 --> 00:49:05,972

Maybe she's feeling 3.

00:49:06,932 --> 00:49:08,072

So it goes on, and

00:49:08,072 --> 00:49:09,492

it's a beautiful story.

00:49:09,552 --> 00:49:12,342

And this is one of the

few childhood memories.

00:49:12,372 --> 00:49:15,552

I remember reading this, and

it must have been in 4th grade.

00:49:16,647 --> 00:49:24,217

And I remember reading it as you're

11 now, don't be a baby, don't be

00:49:24,217 --> 00:49:27,037

three, push that part away and be 11.

00:49:29,247 --> 00:49:32,197

And it was only rereading it

as an adult that I was like,

00:49:32,287 --> 00:49:35,157

I got that so fucking wrong.

00:49:36,222 --> 00:49:36,442

Crystal: Wow.

00:49:36,647 --> 00:49:37,987

Vienna: that it's all in there.

00:49:38,117 --> 00:49:41,257

And I'm like, of course it's in there.

00:49:41,287 --> 00:49:45,197

And the beauty of that

is You can feel three.

00:49:45,207 --> 00:49:47,037

You don't need to respond in that way.

00:49:47,037 --> 00:49:51,247

You can choose to respond

as 11 or 22 or 37 or 45.

00:49:51,547 --> 00:49:53,157

You can choose a different response.

00:49:53,677 --> 00:49:53,927

But

00:49:54,287 --> 00:49:54,577

the rest

00:49:54,577 --> 00:49:55,877

of that is still in there.

00:49:55,907 --> 00:49:56,617

And that's okay.

00:49:56,617 --> 00:50:00,867

And I, The second we started talking

about like inner child work and

00:50:00,867 --> 00:50:03,647

this sort of thing, I was like,

Oh my gosh, I remember that story.

00:50:03,647 --> 00:50:05,257

And it's just I think

everyone should read it.

00:50:05,277 --> 00:50:06,977

It's a great short little story.

00:50:07,602 --> 00:50:10,002

Crystal: Oh man, that's beautiful.

00:50:10,867 --> 00:50:11,837

Vienna: It's such a good one.

00:50:13,167 --> 00:50:13,572

Crystal: Especially'

00:50:13,632 --> 00:50:15,352

cause we're always in

such a rush to grow up

00:50:16,627 --> 00:50:21,357

It's just, we do a lot of letting

our childhood person talk for

00:50:21,357 --> 00:50:23,877

us, probably in the wrong ways,

but like what about those ways,

00:50:24,447 --> 00:50:24,977

Vienna: Yeah.

00:50:25,617 --> 00:50:27,647

What is that seven year

old feeling right now?

00:50:27,657 --> 00:50:29,077

Because that seven year old's still there.

00:50:29,337 --> 00:50:30,177

What's she feeling?

00:50:30,857 --> 00:50:32,387

Like, how would she respond to this?

00:50:32,967 --> 00:50:35,527

She might be looking at you like, I

don't know how to respond to this.

00:50:35,537 --> 00:50:36,597

You're the 37 year old.

00:50:36,597 --> 00:50:37,507

You figure it out.

00:50:37,517 --> 00:50:38,027

That's okay,

00:50:38,077 --> 00:50:40,607

Crystal: Like you don't have your shit

together and you are 40 girl, like

00:50:42,607 --> 00:50:45,437

Vienna: The other place, That I think

00:50:45,967 --> 00:50:48,407

that this has really come

top of mind for me lately.

00:50:48,587 --> 00:50:52,507

You are going to be like, you're

insane, this is stupid, crazy,

00:50:52,637 --> 00:50:55,417

wild, Taylor Swift, Swifty nonsense.

00:50:55,927 --> 00:50:59,997

But it did come up for me watching

that Heiress tour, and here's why.

00:51:00,877 --> 00:51:02,927

I swear I have a point,

so trust me on this one.

00:51:03,937 --> 00:51:06,537

She introduces the concert, and

she's we're gonna go on a journey

00:51:06,537 --> 00:51:08,837

of 17 years of making music.

00:51:08,967 --> 00:51:11,387

These 10 albums, it's

been amazing, blah blah.

00:51:12,457 --> 00:51:15,907

And she's playing some of those old

songs from her first albums that she

00:51:15,907 --> 00:51:17,117

wrote when she was in ninth grade.

00:51:17,547 --> 00:51:20,077

And I started thinking what

was I writing in ninth grade?

00:51:20,777 --> 00:51:20,997

Crystal: Oh

00:51:21,007 --> 00:51:22,747

Vienna: would have been so

cringey I would have slammed the

00:51:22,747 --> 00:51:24,587

door on that stuff so quickly.

00:51:25,727 --> 00:51:31,157

Not 17 years later, been walking around

and being like, let me tell this story.

00:51:31,177 --> 00:51:33,197

Let me sing this for you.

00:51:33,237 --> 00:51:34,567

Let me be proud of this.

00:51:35,567 --> 00:51:36,507

And...

00:51:37,012 --> 00:51:40,862

With each era she is introducing

herself as a new artist,

00:51:40,862 --> 00:51:42,162

she's creating new things.

00:51:43,232 --> 00:51:46,062

And yes, I'm saying this through the

lens of this one artist, but it's all

00:51:46,062 --> 00:51:49,132

of us we've all become different people

at different points in our lives.

00:51:49,552 --> 00:51:54,512

But I think it's so powerful that,

communally, we were able to sit in this

00:51:54,512 --> 00:51:59,482

show and Watch someone take pride in

what they created, and maybe who they're

00:51:59,482 --> 00:52:04,412

not anymore, but be like, this is who

I was in this moment, and this is what

00:52:04,412 --> 00:52:06,762

came out of it, and it's not me anymore.

00:52:06,952 --> 00:52:11,002

But I could still polish that up and let

it shine and let it speak for itself.

00:52:11,192 --> 00:52:11,982

And that's okay.

00:52:12,772 --> 00:52:16,742

And I don't know, I was like,

oh my gosh, that's so sweet to

00:52:16,762 --> 00:52:18,412

be able to do that and enjoy

00:52:18,542 --> 00:52:18,702

Crystal: Yeah.

00:52:18,862 --> 00:52:21,622

'cause I would have no

grace for ninth grade.

00:52:21,682 --> 00:52:21,902

May.

00:52:22,032 --> 00:52:23,782

Vienna: No, oh my gosh, I would...

00:52:24,687 --> 00:52:28,917

I can guarantee that anything I wrote

in 9th grade has long been thrown out.

00:52:29,487 --> 00:52:31,787

And now me regrets that.

00:52:31,787 --> 00:52:32,847

I wonder what I was thinking.

00:52:32,847 --> 00:52:35,297

I wonder what was in those

journals from 9th grade.

00:52:36,747 --> 00:52:36,837

I

00:52:36,837 --> 00:52:39,877

wish that I had a little bit

more compassion for that.

00:52:41,102 --> 00:52:41,322

Crystal: Man,

00:52:42,097 --> 00:52:42,547

Vienna: See?

00:52:42,742 --> 00:52:44,582

Crystal: I, I wouldn't mind looking.

00:52:45,992 --> 00:52:48,432

I do have a box of like

notes and stuff like that.

00:52:49,672 --> 00:52:50,712

I might have to go through it.

00:52:51,912 --> 00:52:53,792

I might have to go through

it and take a gander.

00:52:54,462 --> 00:52:56,202

It was probably dumb stuff, but...

00:52:56,292 --> 00:52:57,282

stuff that's funny.

00:52:57,602 --> 00:52:58,842

I feel like I was probably really funny.

00:52:59,037 --> 00:53:02,907

Vienna: There's this girl on TikTok

who reads entries from her old diaries

00:53:02,907 --> 00:53:05,437

for when she was in middle school

and high school, and it's so funny.

00:53:05,457 --> 00:53:09,227

Every time she reads one, I'm like,

she's so dramatic, but I love everything

00:53:09,227 --> 00:53:12,887

about it because it's just such a

universal experience of being in seventh

00:53:12,887 --> 00:53:15,247

grade and being Math is so stupid!

00:53:15,247 --> 00:53:15,877

I hate it!

00:53:16,137 --> 00:53:17,667

I'm bigger than math!

00:53:18,007 --> 00:53:19,017

I just, I love it.

00:53:19,667 --> 00:53:21,267

Crystal: Like something I

would absolutely say as well.

00:53:21,927 --> 00:53:22,147

So,

00:53:23,102 --> 00:53:23,462

Vienna: Yeah.

00:53:23,527 --> 00:53:23,747

Crystal: wow.

00:53:24,272 --> 00:53:24,612

Vienna: to make a

00:53:24,612 --> 00:53:28,852

Swifty out of you yet, or just gonna,

we're going, I'm going with the slow

00:53:28,872 --> 00:53:30,802

infiltration, just a little bit under

00:53:30,877 --> 00:53:33,897

Crystal: I don't know, I just, I

00:53:33,897 --> 00:53:34,817

just dunno.

00:53:34,957 --> 00:53:35,177

Vi

00:53:35,382 --> 00:53:36,052

Vienna: that's okay.

00:53:37,062 --> 00:53:37,662

Crystal: I don't know.

00:53:37,662 --> 00:53:39,802

Listen I, it depends

on how high you get me.

00:53:39,812 --> 00:53:40,282

We'll see.

00:53:40,502 --> 00:53:40,722

But

00:53:40,847 --> 00:53:42,397

Vienna: All right,

Blondie's coming for you.

00:53:42,662 --> 00:53:44,322

Crystal: one of these, one of these days

00:53:45,052 --> 00:53:50,592

Vienna: All right, so I guess the

point is, when you hear what I call

00:53:50,622 --> 00:53:54,212

my tiny hater voice in my head, we've

talked about my tiny hater before.

00:53:55,252 --> 00:53:58,652

I think it really is just a matter

of take a second and listen and

00:53:58,652 --> 00:54:00,032

try to decide who's talking there.

00:54:00,342 --> 00:54:02,312

Is it actually that external hater?

00:54:02,932 --> 00:54:06,822

And a voice that we've embodied

and taken into ourselves and we

00:54:06,822 --> 00:54:08,532

could really do to get rid of it?

00:54:08,922 --> 00:54:11,372

Or is it just yourself as a scared child?

00:54:11,572 --> 00:54:13,712

And what is it looking for?

00:54:13,732 --> 00:54:17,682

If it's just little you being

like, Hey, I don't know, this is a

00:54:17,682 --> 00:54:20,922

really big thing, maybe this is too

much for us, maybe we can't do it.

00:54:22,087 --> 00:54:23,627

How are we talking to ourselves?

00:54:23,637 --> 00:54:24,997

Like, how can we talk to that?

00:54:24,997 --> 00:54:27,737

Are we just brushing it off and

saying shut up, you stupid idiot.

00:54:28,157 --> 00:54:29,697

You're so dumb, of course,

like you think that.

00:54:29,777 --> 00:54:33,547

Or do we say hey, you're really

scared right now because this feels

00:54:33,547 --> 00:54:36,947

really big for you, but we got this.

00:54:36,997 --> 00:54:37,547

You're okay.

00:54:37,547 --> 00:54:38,877

I'm not scared right now.

00:54:39,747 --> 00:54:40,747

You can be scared.

00:54:40,767 --> 00:54:41,447

We got this.

00:54:41,447 --> 00:54:42,507

I'm in control here.

00:54:42,977 --> 00:54:46,677

And I don't know, just showing that voice

a little more compassion instead of just

00:54:46,697 --> 00:54:48,317

being so quick to try to silence it.

00:54:50,472 --> 00:54:50,672

Crystal: Yeah.

00:54:50,812 --> 00:54:56,802

You have to you have to do that in order

to be the adult that your childhood

00:54:56,912 --> 00:54:58,322

self really needed in the moment.

00:54:59,622 --> 00:55:05,622

And that's difficult to do, especially

when you don't have a lot of examples

00:55:05,682 --> 00:55:09,232

of that or you're not familiar

with how to be good to yourself.

00:55:10,412 --> 00:55:14,692

And I think asking like though what

I, what did I need in that moment kind

00:55:14,692 --> 00:55:18,972

of question is the, one of the most

centered ways you can approach it.

00:55:19,722 --> 00:55:22,702

We might not know exactly how

to respond to ourself and like

00:55:22,702 --> 00:55:25,472

what we need right off the bat.

00:55:25,812 --> 00:55:30,302

But if we can just say you felt really sad

about this, but what could, what would've

00:55:30,302 --> 00:55:31,662

made you feel better in that moment?

00:55:32,552 --> 00:55:34,902

Would it have just been

someone witnessing you?

00:55:34,912 --> 00:55:37,862

Would it have been someone

saying Hey, you need to rest.

00:55:38,642 --> 00:55:39,702

Hey, you should lie down.

00:55:39,882 --> 00:55:42,782

You should eat something and

you should go for a walk.

00:55:43,122 --> 00:55:45,182

You should scream into this pillow.

00:55:45,762 --> 00:55:50,992

But allow yourself to explore the things

that feel good so that you are familiar

00:55:51,142 --> 00:55:55,192

with what feels right and how you can

get in touch with that part of yourself.

00:55:56,257 --> 00:55:59,257

Vienna: Yeah, that's such a great point,

and I know we talk about this a lot

00:55:59,257 --> 00:56:03,297

coming at it from our experience as

mothers, but I think if you could think

00:56:03,297 --> 00:56:07,297

if there's any child that trusts you,

you don't have to be a parent to say if

00:56:07,297 --> 00:56:12,187

there's a scared child coming up to me and

asking me for help, or expressing their

00:56:12,187 --> 00:56:17,257

fear, that's a big deal for somebody to

trust you enough to express being afraid.

00:56:17,527 --> 00:56:17,937

How would you

00:56:17,937 --> 00:56:18,827

respond to them?

00:56:18,987 --> 00:56:19,677

I think even

00:56:19,687 --> 00:56:20,367

Crystal: the fuck outta here.

00:56:20,457 --> 00:56:24,617

Vienna: Even the toughest people, I think

if a scared child came up to them on

00:56:24,617 --> 00:56:28,097

the street and expressed fear even the