In this episode of *Blindian Brown Girls*, hosts Dr. Aumatma Simmons and Tanya Mitra dive deep into real, raw conversations about burnout, decision fatigue, and the challenges of balancing mixed-race motherhood with modern life. From travel stress to managing the overwhelming number of choices in everyday life, they explore how societal pressures, especially on women in their 40s, contribute to burnout. Aumatma and Tanya also discuss the complexities of living authentically while navigating cultural expectations, relationships, and motherhood, sharing personal stories and insights into how women can reclaim their power.

**What We Discussed**:

- Decision fatigue and its role in burnout for women

- How travel and packing can become stressful reflections of life’s pressures

- Balancing work, motherhood, and personal responsibilities in mixed-race families

- The privilege and burden of choice in the modern world

- Menstrual cycles, hormone balance, and how societal structures ignore women’s natural rhythms

- Cultural expectations of women in mixed-race relationships and their impact on personal identity

- The importance of intentional self-care to avoid burnout

- How women can reclaim their power in both the workforce and the family structure**A Few Things We Said**:

- *“There are just so many decisions we have to make all the time. It’s exhausting!”*

- *“We carry a lot as women, and yet we’re often expected to show up the same way as men—no matter what’s going on with our bodies.”*

- *“The reality is, burnout happens. And we need to start building intentional time for self-care into our lives.”*

- *“It’s not just about avoiding burnout; it’s about reclaiming the power to live on our terms.”*---**Let's connect!**

- *Share your thoughts on this episode with us on social media using #BlindianBrownGirls.*

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Connect with Tanya - mixed race relationship support

Connect with Aumatma - fertility support

Got questions, topic suggestions, or feedback? Send us a voice memo! We’d love to hear from you!

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Get ready for real and raw discussions as we dive into navigating mixed-race relationships and motherhood to the intersections of our lives, money, and so much more.

it?

(...) I mean, do you? Since we've been in a physical shared space.

It has.(...) So is it like you say that? Because I don't know, do you say that on a podcast? Like, oh, oh, look, I'm over 21 wristband.(...) I was at an

event.

(...)

I

I got carded and everything. I was like, really, I'm at the bar. It's just like an outdoor bar thing.

Carded? Yeah.(...)

And then I had a wristband and that says over 21.(...) Calm down. Calm down Houston.(...) I was like, do you card everyone because like, or you're just telling me I look great today. Because which

one

is it? Oh, yeah, but I don't look under 21. Let's not get it twisted. That is not possible.(...) But thank you. No, absolutely not.(...) So you want to talk about burnout? Yes, we haven't been together in a while.

(...)

And we're talking about. Yes,

been busy.

A lot of travel. You've been traveling quite a bit.(...) I'm getting ready to travel.(...) And I was just saying, you know, skilliest trust about it. I think packing. We've talked about this before. I feel like packing is not my jam. Like I need it with such a path.

What about it? It's just I think we thought we did talk about it, but it's like the pressure to have the right stuff and whatever. Yeah. Do you preplan your outfits?

I try to. And that doesn't help.(...) No, it felt here's what ends up happening. I am often like, well, I don't know what I'm going to be the root for. Or like, I don't even know what's going to be the right attire.(...) Conferences. Sometimes people are super cash and then you're like, way out of right place. Or it's cold as shit in the room and you don't stand for it. So there's so many factors, factors that it's like it's stressful.(...) And and like I ended up switching around wardrobe change time. So I had piles of clothes for trying to clean up my wardrobe and reorganized.

(...)

And then I got allergies.(...)

We wear clothes.

Oh, they all just paint there. So I'm sure they're getting dusty.(...) And so that's like all of the allergy stuff. So that got me a little stressed out that we started yesterday during that yesterday.(...) And I was like, I have to stop. I can do this. Like I need to stop. So when are you going to pack?(...) So, well, it's sort of packed. Okay. Packed and I'll have an hour to work.

Is that like crunch time part good for you to like be like, oh shit, I only got an hour. I just got to throw some shit

in here and that works better. Okay. Yeah. I'm not that person stopped to hear about it.

I'm like, I need everything in a place the night before laid out with all my things organized in a row of what I'm going to like,

okay, I'm going to need this makeup. Yep.

Yeah, I can't. I can't. That that would stress me out. That was stressing all the way out. Like all

the way out. How do you do one thing is how you do everything. And honestly, like I get so stressed. Often I need that impulse of stress to like have me weak.(...) If there's no deadlines, it doesn't get down to like the last minute person.(...) Yeah.

That makes sense. I do that too though. But like there's just certain things that I prefer not to do that with. Like I think I know the things that I can get away with doing that with that I'm not super uncomfortable. Yeah. Like the stress is not like super overwhelming. It's it's motivating more so the stress and then like a situation where my if my suit, hell no. You crazy then I'm warning. Oh, my. Can I

ask you about your outfit? Yes. You're playing all of your outfits for your very long trip.

(...) Yes. And my outfits had to be approved.(...) So

they approved your outfit.(...) Wow.

(...)

Yeah, I'll tell you even more when the time is right. But yes.(...) And then I needed to have just regular outfits. And then I had to have the just in case outfits. And then I had to have the if they if this doesn't work, I need alternate outfits. And it was three weeks of that. And it was

(...)

I took two full bags, but I had packing cubes. So I packed very like I'm an excellent I mean, I spent 10 years literally traveling for 10 years. So I am an excellent expert packer.

Maybe I need to come over and just watch you.

Yeah, it's actually like I don't love it. I will not say I love it. I'm excellent at it. But I don't enjoy it. I too I feel you like there's so many things to think about. And with a woman I was like so low key like I'm annoyed not in a bad way but like just kind of like my male counterpart in this project that I did.(...) I'm like, dude, you didn't have to think about none of this. The jewelry, the hair accessories, the hair products, the hair, the makeup, the brushes, the sprays, the you know, just like it's just so crazy. And then he just just shows up with a haircut. And he's good to go like, wait, what? I asked him to I was like, how many shoes did you bring? He said four. I said I brought 13 shoes, dude. 13 and I wore every single one.

How did you fit 13 shoes?(...) I

told you I'm an excellent

packer. You're telling the truck for shoes because shoes like how

you just really pack them carefully. I pack them all in individual shoe bags, but they I just like layer them very, very, very neatly. And they just like create it's like Tetris like I pack like Tetris.

So I really make like I pack it like it's a Tetris game. That makes it fun. I actually enjoy that part. I don't enjoy the selection of stuff. But once all this stuff is selected, I actually enjoy the Tetris part. Actually, when I when I flew back on Saturday, I was like, Oh, like it was even more neat. Like I did an even better job.

Yo, coming back for trips for me is like let's stuff all this

shit. No, and I did a hungover with like two hours of sleep, like because it was our last night. So we had a good time. And I was like,(...) yeah, it's not happening at 3am. And so I set my alarm for 5.30am. And I I had I had most of it I had it somewhat organized. It wasn't in like it wasn't just completely unpacked because that's a lot of stuff. So I had it organized. But yeah, it's 5.30am. We just like got it done. And I looked at my suitcases. I'm like, Oh, I should take a picture. This is so perfect. Like the packing I didn't know, but the packing cues were all like in their place and like nothing nothing was loose.

I really I need to watch the process.

It was funny because Ty is the exact same way as me. Like exactly the same. So between the two of us, we'll have like packing competitions

like who is the

better packer? Who is the more efficient packer? Who could fit more in their bag?

(...)

Seriously,(...) it's ridiculous.

It's so stupid. It's one of those like things that you know, you're just like, Oh, this is fun that we have this thing that we both like, like, he's not a packing cue person. I'm a roller. I roll my stuff too. Do you roll?

Oh, rolling is the as the whole jam. That's the secret right there. You roll.

Yes,

it fits so much more.

(...)

1 million percent. You're not doing it right. You're not rolling tight enough.

(...)

You're not rolling tight enough. And you're not

actually quick.(...) Okay.

(...)

I did

not offer my services.

(...)

Just for everyone listening. I did not

even fit anymore.(...)

Oh, 100 percent. You can 100 percent. You can fit more if you do it efficiently.

I would die in a couple of weeks where Jason and I and argument that do. Oh, nice.(...) We are flying spirit.(...) He has rough.(...)

Yeah, that's just nice and cheap and it goes everywhere. It's so

cheap. It's hard to say no. It's just hard to say no. I know.

(...)

And we already know the drill like defeat. No entertainment.

(...)

Yeah, it's like, you know, yeah.(...) But the feet stuck.

Oh, they're terrible. They don't recline.

The cushions are hard.

Yeah. And they're like this thin.

Potentially hard. And then God forbid you have a really yokely large person next to you. God help you.(...) Like they're all squished together. Yeah, it's awful. It is awful. But we all still fly them. We're going to do it.

We're flying

to Vegas.

Oh, it's not crazy

long. No, it should be bad. OK.

But that's the only way you can like entertain a spirit flight is it has to be like two

hours. It's like a super quick, quick, quick flight.(...) So it's like a super quick trip.(...) So like I could totally do a backpack. I was like, I could not. There's no way I could get to a backpack.

Oh, I could. I could get all your shit into a backpack.

(...)

Yeah. 100

percent.

And those like spirit carry on ones because I have

one. I've done it for

not

like a spirit carry on, but the ones that you're like, they'll still allow it. Yeah. And and you can it's actually like a multi compartment.

(...)

Yeah, for sure. I did four days away this summer and I flew Spirit and I took my up.

(...)

I fit everything.

(...)

Fit everything.

(...)

I think I

think you're overthinking it in your head and you probably do use everything you pack.

No, of course.

Right. So you have to get more strategic and and you got to make some decisions in advance. You do.(...) Yeah.

(...)

Decision.(...)

Okay. So, okay. Well,

that's important.

(...)

Okay.

Yeah, I don't either. I'm actually very indecisive.

That's a Libra thing. 100 percent Libra indecisiveness. But with things like that, I'm not indecisive. I'll just be like, I'm just going to get it done. But we have to make so many decisions all the time, every day.

(...) And I feel and this is perfect segue right into our topic, which is I feel like that

(...)

is a contributor, a major contributor to burnout. I think for myself, for a lot of people that I talk to,(...) it's like burnout. I feel like it's been so such a buns lately.

(...)

We keep hearing about it. We keep hearing about it in different context, like a workplace burnout or a female burnout or women in the workplace are burned out or entrepreneurial burnout. Like it's just all around us. Yeah. But I feel like

(...)

decision 15 is very real for me.

Yeah. It's such a major contributor to it for

sure.

It's just not something that I want to be doing. And it's a really weird thing because as an entrepreneur, you are constantly taking decisions.

Well, I think that's part of it too. And I think that we, as entrepreneurs, have to make even more decisions.(...) And a lot of those decisions don't get,

(...)

some of them get passed through other people, but many of them are ultimately ours, right? Which even adds a little bit more stress or responsibility.(...) Yeah. Because the outcome is going to be based on the decision that you've made, right? Which is obviously always the case. But yeah, I think that just like makes it even harder. I think everyone is,(...) I mean, just too many choices, which is why there's so many decisions. There's so many choices

(...)

in everything, all the time, every day. Oh my God. All the time. Like we can't even like, is it Netflix, Hulu, Prime, Max, you know, CineRac, Showtime? Like even that is a decision, which is like ridiculous. It sounds so ridiculous and privileged and it is, it is, but that's the generation.(...) But that's like everybody now.(...) Like everybody has, like it's just(...) changed.(...) And of course we're not talking about the people who truly don't have, don't have, right? But

(...)

the point is like many people have many more decisions also because of the internet, because everything is so much more accessible.

Well, we were just talking about earlier, like(...) for example, I was buying furniture and I could go into a store and look for furniture. And the first thought that my brain goes to is many choices.(...) So then I go to Amazon and this peak of furniture,(...) we could throw a picture of it. It literally taken me about five months. That's crazy. To make a decision.(...) Five months that I have been like, I need,

(...)

okay, just after I finished this, I'm going to keep looking.(...)

So what was the procrastination about?

(...)

Volcable time.

So maybe for you it's better to go to the store where you have limited options.

(...)

Yeah, FOMO.(...) But it's better choices. Like you find something exactly like I want. And this is not exactly. It

doesn't happen that way. That's the

thing is like, it is in my head as like, oh, this is going to be amazing.(...) And then finally, and then to get what you get. And it's a lot. It's a lot. And that that I feel like we do, we sometimes bring it upon ourselves with these decisions. But I also have the opposite. The FOMO or the like,(...) it's sort of like choosing your partner from literally your village.(...) In India.(...) Versus choosing a partner from anywhere in the world. Like that's essentially the difference that we're dealing with.

I think some people would actually rather choose their partner from the village because it's an easier choice and an easier decision. Right. So I think it might be right. So for you, there's obviously a lot more overwhelm in making the decision because you want the bigger pool to choose from. Right. Like you're choosing that on some level too. Right. So you have to remember that you're choosing the option that's going to bring with it more overwhelm and more choice. Whereas you could have gone to the store and been like, okay, I'm going to make it up in my head that I'm going to find the thing that I want here. I know that's not the easiest thing to do, but we'll run with your example. You know what I mean?(...) But overall, I think we have way too many choices that we have to make. That we have to make. And I'm finding myself getting irritated with just

(...)

maintenance shit. Like the bank messed this up and I have to call the bank. And then like right now our home insurance doubled and then our school tax, our mortgage got sold to different companies. Yes. Our home insurance doubled.(...) Yes, it doubled. I don't even want to talk about it. It do not talk about burnout. Like my brain is fucking burnt out. That's probably why it's tired today too. Cause I'm on the phone with all these people.(...)

Okay. But Houston will reevaluate your home value.(...) So if your tax is tied to your home value.(...) Yes.(...) Yes.

(...) So I'm learning all of these things, but also it's because my mortgage was sold to another company. Then I found out that they had not paid something on time. And so they're attacking on the late fees and I'm like, I'm not paying the late fees. That's not, you were supposed to pay that out of escrow. Anyways, that is not the point of this conversation right now. But just like shit like that, that shit, like dealing with shit like that,

I cannot, I don't have a tolerance for it anymore.

that kept happening at the house.

And we still have stuff coming,(...) still happening.

once again, it's like having to deal with all of those like things that are important things and they affect your life and they affect your money and they affect your whatever. But it's like that on top of actually living life and taking care of your responsibilities, like your everyday responsibilities. Just like too much. It's too much.(...) I don't know, like how do people relieve themselves of this? I don't know, is there a way?(...) Well,(...)

I don't know if there's a relief,(...) right? I feel like we want a way out.

(...)

But for me, I feel like what's become more apparent is that I need tools to help me do this better.

(...)

Desire for the escape actually makes it worse.

(...)

Oh, like avoiding it?

Yeah, no, you can't avoid it. Way out.

(...)

Fix it so that I don't have to deal with this shit anymore.

(...)

I feel like that desire makes energetically worse because we're drawing in whatever it is that we're diving on.(...)

I agree. I think it's just hard to find a way to fit it all in. It's just very difficult to take up time in your day that you really do need for other things to then manage these things. So yeah, I think it's 100% a mindset thing. I'm not someone that gets overwhelmed very easily. I'm not someone that gets stressed out very easily. But I do get frustrated. You know what I mean? And I do, of course, get stressed out sometimes and overwhelmed sometimes. But for me, it's more of the frustration of stuff that, you know what, for me it is, honestly, I hate when people don't do their job right. That shit pisses me off. I have a major intolerance for people being incapable or just not proficient in the thing that they're supposed to do, and especially then when they fight you on it. So quick, quick, quick story. When I was in Mexico, one day I was out and I had to come back to the hotel I was staying at to pick up something. And I come in my room and no, before I had left, sorry, I went to breakfast, came back, and I was kind of sensing, like there's a humidity and a moisture in the air, and I'm like, something is not right here, right? But I was in and out so much. I was there for work. So it's just that you make it okay in your head and you kind of just normalize it because you just don't really, again, have the capacity to deal with it. So one morning, I noticed that my pouch that I had not used since I had been there because I had no reason to, is covered in mold.

(...)

Covered in mold. I took pictures I will show you.(...) And then I go in the bathroom and there's mold all on the ceiling. And I'm like, what the hell is going on? How did this happen, right?(...) And so-- It just

happened while you were there.

Yes,

over the course of, no,(...)

probably, well, well, well. Well,(...) well.

(...)

It was, clearly it's a thing that happens. Yeah,

But they do a very good job of covering it up, which I then later found out. But point being here, so I find the mold, I see all the mold, I take pictures of all the stuff. I had to leave to go do something and I came back hours later, now it's the evening, and my stuff is all like damp.

(...)

Like all my stuff is damp. And I'm like, this is disgusting.

(...)

And so I go to the, obviously, reception. I had already told them when I came to pick up my stuff, the housekeeping happened to be coming into my room, so I showed them. So when I came back in the evening, everything is clean, including my pouch and the other, my toiletries case that also had mold all over it. Everything is now clean and my room stinks of bleach. So I'm like, ew, this is even worse, right?

They bleached yours though.

I don't know what they did. I don't know what they did, but like the room's melt of bleach and all of a sudden, all the mold on the ceiling is now gone? How? Possibly in like four or five hours. It's not gone, you've just painted over it, is essentially what has happened, right?

(...)

Anyway, so I go to the front desk, and this is like a nice resort. This is not a nothing, no one resort. So I go to the front desk and I, obviously,(...) they're like, talk to the concierge and the concierge is like, yeah, they already reported that this is happening. And I was like, well, I would like to request that you do all my laundry. Like I'm not putting that stuff on my body. There's no way, my stuff is wet, it's damp, it's disgusting. Just because we can't physically see the mold does not mean, like there was mold all over my stuff.

I took pictures, so.

(...)

Yeah, like I'm not putting, do you know the concierge, manager of the concierges or whatever came to my room? So I went to go pack up. I'm also obviously moving rooms.

(...)

And this man argued me to death around how it was my fault.

(...)

That they're cold?

Because I did not move my pouch for two weeks from the suitcase.

(...)

No, that's for sure.

I was like, okay, sir.(...) That and like how he's trying to gaslight me, telling me that my stuff is cold, not wet. Oh, so, oh, this is what had happened. I forgot to say this very important detail. While I was blow drying my hair, I had turned off the air conditioning for 20 minutes because I need my hair to be hot, not cold, right? And it was blowing. And where I was blow drying, it was blowing. 20 minutes, I had turned it off, turned it back on, right? And they're like, and so I guess when I turned it back on, there's obviously something broken with the air conditioning. It didn't kick all the way back in. So they're telling me that it's my fault. And like, sir, your broken air conditioning is not my fault. You see that it says on, right? So then he simultaneously telling me that my clothes are cold. I'm like, but you just told me my air conditioning's off. So how are my clothes and cold? They're obviously wet.(...) Like the whole thing was just, it was mind boggling.

That's not a big request.(...) To my laundry.

It is not costing you barely any money. Like it's not just doing my laundry.

(...)

Sequential to the fact that you can have a lot. Dude,

(...) I was so,(...) and this is, you know, after a whole, this is four days before I'm leaving. So I'm like,(...) I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to pack all my shit and then have to pack it all up again in four days. And like, you know, this was like at like 8.30, nine o'clock at night, having eaten dinner. I'm like, sir, I want to go eat some food and go to bed. The fact that I am standing here arguing with you

(...)

is so ridiculous. Like I couldn't even, I had to, I speak Spanish fluently, right? But I had to switch to English because I was so tired. I could not even argue any, I was like, I don't have any more words in Spanish. So you're gonna have to, we're gonna have to argue in English now because I don't even have, my Spanish is burnt out. Okay.

(...)

So it was just, so like that kind of incompetency and inefficiency and like that shit pisses me off and I have a major intolerance for it. So those things like are the things that eat at me. Like I was just so mad. I got over it in two seconds. I went and ate some really good food and had a nice cocktail. So I was over it, but I just couldn't believe it. I just couldn't believe it.

Wow, this guy, wow.

And then, oh, oh, oh,

but this is the best part now that I'm telling the whole story, right? Oh, well I could tell you part of the story. So during this thing,(...) I call Ty, I FaceTime Ty, cause I'm like, I need someone to hear what this conversation is because this man is totally gaslighting me right now and trying to tell me that my shit is wet, but not, I mean, cold, but not wet. It was my fault for this happening, that the mold could not have been there before. I'm like, I'm sorry. And he's trying to tell me, oh, well, this is Mexico, it's humid. I was like, dude, I live in Texas. I know what humidity is.

(...)

There is nothing moldy in my house.

(...)

There is no mold. Like, so I don't, don't try to like, again, he's really trying to gaslight me. And so Ty was like, call the work people, right?(...) I made that call. And then an hour later,(...) it's a pleasure to serve you, ma'am. Anything you need, we're here at your service. Yes, we'll absolutely do your laundry. I'm like, that is some bullshit.(...) That's some bullshit.

(...)

Because now the work people called,

(...)

and

weird to you. I'm not understanding. Like, so-- The work people are calling you while--

No, the work people are calling the hotel and saying, how dare you treat her like that? Because this is a big company that has the power, right? And they're doing, like, I'm there for my--

Your job. Yes. Okay, okay, I thought you went the worker people. I feel like the hotel staff--

No, Ty was like, call the, you know, call the your work people, right? And have them call because they're the ones who are putting me up there. And so obviously

they--

(...)

Yeah, so that's when the man told, all of a sudden he's like, you know, the pleasure is mine and anything you need, and we just want your

stay here to be comfortable.(...) Completely,

I have the WhatsApp messages to prove it. I didn't even delete it because I could not, I was just kind of like what, I was just like, what the, this dude is out his mind, all the way out his mind. Look, it's a pleasure, Miss Mitra, have a good one, and we are here for you.

(...)

No worries, I know you're working. Please let me know if everything is okay. We are here to assist you. And also let me know if everything works properly in the new room.

(...)

But two seconds ago, you're telling me it's my fault.

(...)

Like,

because my air conditioner was off for 20 minutes.(...) Yeah, it was just, yeah. That sounds super weird. Yeah, shit like that. How could you not be like burnt out mentally when you're dealing with stupid people like that? It was just so ridiculous.

special.

Yeah, but I got a new room with a nice view for the last few days, and my laundry got cleaned, and I didn't have to do laundry when I got home. I mean, my laundry would have been done at my work anyway, but it was nice for everything to get washed and cleaned right before I was coming back. So, hey, there's always a lesson, a positive, and the silver lining and everything. I certainly believe that. And I wasn't even, like I said, literally 30 minutes later, I'm having my nice meal in my cocktail, and I'm over it.(...) It's just that those types of interactions that just add so much unnecessary burden to an already very full life. And again, you can look at this as privilege. You can look at it like...

(...)

I feel like we do have a lot of privileges, but I also feel like we carry a lot. Mm-hmm.

(...)

And I don't think that it's quite right to put it off.

(...)

It's like, "Oh, well, you're privileged."

I agree.

Right?

(...)

I think with that privilege comes a lot of other things that...

And it's still our lives. Like,(...) and that's kind of sometimes the hard part. It's like...

(...)

Because I don't ever really look at it as privilege. Like, I look at it as just, "This is my life, and this is life." Right? But I do recognize that there is a privilege. in having choice, in having access, in having the opportunity to even be burnt out. For sure. But that doesn't mean that two things can't exist at the same time. And that doesn't mean that burnout isn't real and that people are overwhelmed. And there's a lot of expectations and responsibilities that we do have in our reality. And it's just like getting to be more and more and more. It is. And I think that's a good thing. It

is. And I feel like that more and more and more, I've been really aware of it for myself.

(...)

And I feel like at the beginning of the year, I create some intentions. And I'm like, "Is this the only thing I'm supposed to find?"

(...)

And then before I know it, I'm like, "Oh, but there's that one. Oh yeah, but there's that thing. Oh yeah, but there's that thing."(...) All the stuff that I want to be doing, but I feel like it piles on. So this time of year tends to be, I think, really stressful, because it's all built up.(...) And then on top of it, I don't know why(...) every freaking conference chooses the fall and the people that they want to have a conference. Like, "Pick another season.(...) (Indistinct)

(...)

People like the fall.

(...)

Like,(...) "Oh, let's go to the rerun of the holidays."

(...)

Right along with the other-- Fine.

(...)

It's a lot. So fall tends to be like-- You're busy time.

(...)

The holidays.

(...)

I like come off of conference season.

(...)

That's so funny.(...) Conference season.(...) And then go right into the holiday.

(...)

And so how do you handle that?

I handle it like I'm fucking stressed.

(...)

Well, how do you handle the stress? How do you handle the stress? Well,(...) I

think meditation helps a lot.(...) Working out helps quite a bit.

(...)

I should,(...) not that I should, but if I could, massages would be healthy.

(...)

And honestly, like,

(...)

coming in and out of, it's not the period of time that I'm away.

(...)

Sometimes stressful, but it's not so much that, it's that impact that those five days are gonna have on the week before and the week after.

(...)

I get it.

And that's the part that's stressing me out. It's like, while I'm away, it's gonna be fine. Right, I'm away. Mm-hmm. It's all, like,(...) not quite,

(...)

like you're not doing anything, but it almost like it's less.

(...)

Mm-hmm. Right? Like, yeah, I get it. It's the work, but it's different. It's a different kind of work, yeah.

And it's only, you can only focus on that work, yeah.

(...) I have no other choice. Yeah, exactly. I feel like I would love to help with it.

(...)

I'm like-- I'm not here. Two thousand miles away. Yeah. There's nothing I can do about it. So that part becomes like an auction-less thing.(...) But I think I also still go, come back from the things totally worn out.

I mean, I think there is a real recovery factor that people don't factor in.

Like, you know, I think there's-- I already took five teeth off. I can't tell

you another. Exactly, exactly. I thought actually it was really mindful of Ty to be like, I flew back on a Saturday, and he's like, okay, Sunday, I'm just gonna ease you back in. I was like, oh my God, that's so thoughtful. Like, rather than having an expectation that I was just gonna jump to it to relieve him because he's been doing it for three weeks by himself, no help, right? Like,(...) he was mindful enough to be like, he said, but you got me for like 24 hours. Like, 24 hours, like on your own. But the fact that it even occurred to him that like, you're gonna need to decompress a little bit. You're gonna need to take a breath and like ease yourself back in. And like by Sunday afternoon, I was at Target, you know, I was like, okay, real life is back. Like, once you hit Target, I'm like, okay, we back. You know what I mean? But the fact that he even considered that, you know, because I would have the tendency to just dive right back in despite how tired I am, despite how,

you know what I mean?

(...)

Actually prolong the-- For sure it does. The fatigue. It's like,(...) I think how long, it's probably been three weeks. I've been back for my life.

(...)

And I came back exhausted on like a one o'clock flight because I wanted to be here at the morning when Avery woke up for Monday.

(...)

Like, it is dumb. It's a little bit dumb, but something in me told me that I was gonna go to bed with three and then wake up at eight, do drop off, and see him for a few minutes.

(...)

And then go right into my Monday, which tends to be my craziest day.

Oh, well, we might need to change that.

It was like 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Oh, hell no. And then, and then, like, don't you a whole week of like, you've been out of town, somebody's-- Yeah,

that's hard for a Monday. Like, Monday,(...) yeah, like, intentionally I make Mondays a much easier day

because,(...) yeah.

(...)

I'm gonna change my schedule next year. Yeah, I mean, to be Monday's gotta be a chill day. I feel like I just cannot, Monday and Friday need to be a chill

day. That's how I have my calendar set up. And like, on the auto occasion, like tomorrow, I have a client at 10 a.m. tomorrow. And I have his wife on Monday. Because, but I have the capacity for that. It's one client, I have, you know what I mean? It's fine, it doesn't happen very often. And I know that I can get to decide if I choose to take them on or not. Because they know to ask, too. Like, are you possibly available on Friday? Like, if there's nothing on my calendar, right? Or if, like, today I asked to reschedule something. And so I was like, I'm happy to see you on Monday, as you know, because I'm trying to compensate. But like, that Monday, like, when I changed my schedule to be that, which was, I will say,(...) I wanna say,

(...)

in March, I think, of this year, I changed it intentionally after actually working with a coach who, like, highly suggested that. Just sort of knowing, you know, the cadence, yeah, all of life. And I was like, blown away about how differently I approach my week, my energy level, my ability to also know that Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, are gonna, yes, be longer days. I see clients well into the evening some days. And that's okay because I have my Monday and my Friday. And so there's just like this mental reliefs almost, where it's like, like, for me, like, I know tomorrow's Friday. Yeah, I have two calls tomorrow, which is actually way, more than I ever have, yeah. I have two coaching calls tomorrow. But again, I've also been away for three weeks, right? So in my brain, I'm also like, okay, that's totally fine. But it's only two.

And so, and it's easy.(...) Yeah, I think you need to try that out.

I think you'll, like, it will just give you the overall release.

I felt like, I was doing that, like,

(...)

I was doing Wednesdays as my day off in the middle of the week so that I could have a break in the middle of the week. But the day off is no longer a day off. I feel like I'm working all the time. Mm-hmm.

(...)

That's not totally true, but it tends to be,

(...)

there's also like a different, I feel like there's different capacity when I'm in different phases of my cycle.

(...)

I'm also aware that I'm in the phase where I would normally be at a low point.

(...)

Not that you have slowed down.

(...)

Like, not enough prep, not enough recovery(...) to this, so. All over the place.

(...)

Extra, like, stress and overwhelm.

(...)

Like,(...) which wouldn't be the case? How would I able to stick to my flame?

(...)

Mm-hmm.

(...)

Yeah, I mean, life definitely requires adjusting for sure, right, and like working through times where you don't feel super great. I had a few days when I was in Mexico where I could, I knew, like, my body was just also, like, going through my cycle and just energetically different, right? But you still have to show up. Like, you still have to show up. You still gotta put it on. You gotta figure it out.(...) And that's another thing, like, you know, I think that it's so unfair for women. It's just so unfair that we have to show up the same way despite those differences in our bodies and our cycles and every woman has a different response to it, right? Some women don't have too much of a reaction. Some women have an extreme, you know, energetic, physical reaction to, you know, so the fact that our system is built in a way that it does not give any sort of relief or, I, no, you know, I think it's Spain.(...) Spain started giving menstrual leave days.

(...)

I'm almost certain that it's Spain. They started, I want to say this year, or maybe even last year, they started giving menstrual relief days where women can take a day off for menstruating.

Wow. Yeah. That's amazing.

Isn't that amazing?

(...)

I'm almost certain that it's Spain. I'm not saying we're

about to take that.

(...)

I need to do that. Like, all of my people.(...)

Oh, in your company, I'm like, I'm like in the country? I'm like, Kamala Harris is gonna be president. She's gonna do that?

(...)

This episode's probably gonna come out after that.

(Indistinct) Yeah. It's all women run,(...) women with menstrual run.

Yeah. And I mean, look at the work that you do too. You know what I mean,

given that. And like, Grace said, I've been trying to do that, but I haven't implemented it for all of us. Mm-hmm. So,(...) yeah.

(...)

Yeah, I think that's just a, you know,(...) a really real thing.(...) That's the thing, it's like when it's an option, you take it when you need it. And if you don't need it, then you don't take it, but you know it's there as an option. And again, I think just having that option often is the relief, right? Just like knowing that I have Mondays and Fridays. If I wanted to pack out my Monday, I could if I wanted to, but I know that I don't have to. I mean, all of, I don't have to pack out any day. I don't want to really, in reality, right?

(...)

None of us do, but.

But you kind of do. You're accountable to your client.

Yeah, and accountable to my bank account and my bills.

(...)

(Laughs)

(...)

That thing too, right?

(...)

And accountable to the food that I really like to eat. So, for sure, you know, I think just because there's just so much opportunity to get burnt out, there's so much opportunity for fatigue, there's so much opportunity for decision overwhelm that we have to build our own systems and we have to build it into our own

realities. It's not really a society is it helping us do that. No. But I do,(...) this has also been the core of the book that I'm writing. Okay. That I've been talking about for ever.(...) It feels like it's been in the making for way too long. Okay, well it will be made, I'm sure. It's not said this way.(...) It's okay.

(...)

But it is the crux of what I am printing out that in so many ways in our culture, we have either given up or have been taken away.(...) The power that is innately,

(...)

that is right. Which, and I think that it's a detriment(...) to women for sure, but also a detriment to men. And the reason is that then because we are expected to mold into this masculine structure of the world,

(...)

it makes it very challenging for us to do that. Yet we have to and we know we have to. So the way that it comes out in bickiness(...) or oh, it's that time for sure. Well, yeah, but it wouldn't be that time if we still had rent.

(...)

But we've given that up partly voluntarily.

(...)

But this idea that we should serve in the workforce

(...)

and even birth control to a certain extent was us giving that power away. You have a set of hormones that are controlling hormones to make you feel like a man even when you're not.

(...)

It's so weird when you say it like that, oh my God. It's not exactly

Right, it takes away the cycling of effort and progesterone which is literally the fundamental nature of feminine.

(...)

Lord have mercy.

If you don't cycle these hormones,

(...)

then you don't shed what is truly being built.

(...)

So birth control does not.

(...)

Actual shedding of a uterine blinding.(...) You get a bleed on a menstrual cycle but it's not a natural bleed.

(...)

It's called a withdrawal bleed.

I know how this is freaking me out.

Yeah, it should.(...) We should because we,(...) so what it's doing, these hormones that are in our system,

(...)

they kind of push testosterone,(...) right? So a lot of women will say, oh, I feel good on the toe. Yeah, damn straight.

(...)

Pushing your testosterone pathway(...) making you more like a man.

(...)

And then it's taken away progesterone.

(...)

Progesterone is the progestation hormone.

(...)

So even the pill that cycle you, they have estrogen, estrogen, estrogen for two weeks and they switched progesterone but it's not progesterone, it's progestined. It's a different type of progesterone. That's not what everybody does.

(...)

And with that progestin drop,(...) you get a withdrawal bleed.

(...)

However, with progesterone,

(...)

give to your body,

(...)

actually supporting the building of the uterine.

(...)

So what actually, where does the, what's supposed to shed, where does it

It's basically,(...) like your uterus can still shed

(...)

a little bit, right? It's like--

So that's why people's period gets lighter?

(...)

Exactly.

Oh, she's squinnish.

(...)

(Laughing) Wild, right? So in the name of feminine, feminine,

(...)

and we hurrah-rah, we're women that are taking over the workforce.

(...)

I'm doing a little bit of a,(...) you know, like I'm not negative about it. Or salty about it.(...) This is a piece of our history.(...) But what happened in the process of that is, oh, how do we be more like

More like men.

(...)

Great, here's the solution. Birth control. Now we don't have to get pregnant. Now we don't have to have cycle.

(...)

Or if we have a cycle, it's a one day, very light bleed.

(...)

And then you can go right back to being who you're supposed to be. Which is what, a smaller version of a man?

(...)

I'm saying it like that. (Laughing) Jeez.

(...)

Are the shutting down of our natural hormone rhythm.

(...)

A little bit softer.

(...)

Need to fit into the workplace. And I'm as good as man. And I can do all things you can do. I can do all the projects whenever you want. Right, like the whole attitude had,

(...)

I can fit in this world.

(...)

And I can also be of service to this company, this environment, whatever.(...) So, so many, so much of it is based on this idea.

of I'm given my power and the loss of that power is the feminine ability to restore and rejuvenate and not need to do,(...) and we all lead that to a certain extent. Yeah. And I think that that's the real core of Buryaam.

(...)

So, but what does a woman do when, like, literally our system in this society is not built for us to rest and recover and has all of these expectations of us still more than men. There's still more expected of us than is expected of men.

(...) It's true, and I don't have a great solution,(...) but I know that a solution,(...) at least the one that I've been playing around with, is to really cycle with the hormones the way that we're supposed to. And like, I have a living example that this is a work in progress, right? Like, I do not have the shit figured out. Because I still run into these moments where I'm like, "Fucking period, I need to get on the stage in front of two people."

(...)

Not the ideal time.

(...)

Yeah, exactly.

(...)

So, there is no workaround in a lot of ways, but I know that when I am sticking to it and when I'm able to follow the rhythm that I'm supposed to with my cycle,

(...)

I feel better,(...) and I feel less burnt out and overwhelmed and stressed.

(...)

And if there's a part which is external and a part which is internal,

(...)

and the internal part is the part that we have control over.

(...)

So, my proposal is that we control the part that we can control, and then hopefully the external reality will shift to accommodate the awakening. I

mean, one can definitely help, right? I think that, honestly, I think that a lot of women are out of tune with their own cycle and needs around that, and even their own capacity.

(...)

Some of it is just characteristic of who you are, right? Some people are more prone to stress, some people are more prone to hypervigilance, and some people are a little bit more relaxed, some people are more practical. So, some of that is in play too, but your body is your body and your physical being is going to require care and nurture as well, right?(...) And awareness, and I think a lot of women are not aware of that.

I'm fascinated by how many times, even in this year, if I just think about that, the number of times that I've spoken on stages of pretty big proportion to literally talk about(...) this idea of what would happen if we synced our calendars to our cycle,

(...)

especially for entrepreneurs.(...) It worked for our crowd,(...) which is to

(...)

cycle our schedules with our hormones whenever we can, and that can support us to

(...)

be potentially less burned out and to restore our nervous systems and restore our bodies. And that's not to say that we couldn't do things every day. I still feel like I need to meditate every day. I need to do some breathing exercises every day. There's a certain

(...)

amount of stuff that I need to do for self-care,(...) to feel like I'm supporting my body and

(...)

it's high maintenance. It's honestly a lot. And I'm still on top of that adding this layer of cycling and what does it mean and what should I be doing in which phase of my cycle.(...) And I'm still playing with it. And I think there's a lot of variability when we start learning our own bodies. Oh, actually for me, it's this way.(...) And so there isn't,(...) even as I'm saying it out loud, I talked to this man who is the VP of this oil and gas company. He was sitting next to me on a plane. Okay.(...) I was talking to him about this idea. I was like, what would it take to bring this into your company?(...) And he's like, I really like this idea,(...) but I really need more tangible. What is this going to do for my company?(...) How is this going to support our bottom line? The Lord have mercy. And I was like, I really, truly believe that it can.

I think it can too, but it's like, no. And the fact that that's where the brain goes immediately. Right. Which I understand that's his job,

but gas can be, I'm like, dude, why are you not in first class? First of all. Oh, interesting.(...) Interesting.

(...)

But it was like, it was a first class, but it was like, so far. Maybe he

doesn't care how he travels. Yeah.(...)

He's really down to earth.

Yeah. Some people prefer not to travel. I don't know why, but some people don't. I'm like, I will take all the first class. I was like, all the upgrades keep them coming.(...) But I think that on that front, the cycle is one thing. I think there are a ton of women, especially who take no time for themselves or self-care. You're talking about meditation. You're talking about breath work. You're talking about, I certainly wake up very early so I can have that time. And the last two days I've been having a really hard time waking up just because I am freaking burnt out and tired and trying to catch up on all the things and not getting as much time. And I'm like, oh, this sucks. I need that time. That is my time. So trust me, I'll be waking up early tomorrow. But I think a lot of women wake up and just jump right in, jump right all the way in without even having time to consider their own thoughts, consider how they're feeling, consider and some of it is circumstantial because women are carrying a lot of burden out here in the world. Again, we are privileged in the sense that we have partners who can help us and there are a lot of single mothers out here and there are so many women who are juggling two, three jobs.(...) Even if they are partnered, single women juggling two, three jobs. So I think

(...)

sometimes it's like, how do you find that?(...) I believe, and something I say to all of my clients, I think no matter what your circumstances, it's mandatory. You have to make it mandatory. You make something else mandatory, you have to make it mandatory or else

how can-(...) Get to offer.

(...)

It's not sustainable.(...)

And I think it's like an intentional time for self.(...) Of course, I feel like there's time to like to sit in front of the TV and watch. Well, that's what most people do, right? Most people

just zone out in front of the TV, but that's not you taking time for

yourself.

(...)

And people get that mixed up. They think that that's taking time for themselves. And I'm like, no, actually being with your thoughts and not avoiding them is actually, and not just your thoughts, but doing something intentionally for you, for the service of you, which again, some people think, oh, well, I enjoy watching reality dating shows and zoning out. Yeah, well, that's cool, but that's not actually healing you. That's not rejuvenating you. That's not energetically fulfilling. That's not healing in any way. That's not restoring your energy. That's not actually doing much except for literally entertaining you for a little while, which is not nothing, but it's not significant enough to really change things for you.(...) And I think that's so many women's stories where they, and I've heard from women so many times too, that they don't even know what they would do with intentional time. They're like, well, what do you do?(...) What do you mean, what do you do? But that's a real thing.

But again, it comes back to the whole, we are so entrenched in the, which is a three-leaf estimate that for most of us, it's hard to just be,(...) including myself. Me too. It's so hard to just be.(...) And I think that we're going to tie some, possibly some other pieces, but as I say it was that,(...) traditionally, family living energy of being is actually best done.(...) Like culturally, traditionally, if you think about all the cultures throughout,(...) have always come together, can be.

(...)

Very interesting to think about that in the context of what we're talking about.

(...)

There are not that many spaces that would be. We often deprioritize that time that we could be with our girlfriends or whatever. And instead, like, Oh, no, I gotta work. Oh, I got this day. So everything else takes priority over that.(...) I think that just add to the loop of like, we're not taking time for ourselves.(...) Find it really hard to just be.(...) And traditionally,

(...)

the outlet to just be is also like going away because of the pressures.

(...)

Yeah, I agree with you 100%. I think, you know, that's why people do vacations, right? But the problem is that the vacation is so like, you know, it's such an extreme and it's so like, there's so much emphasis placed on that, that like, also nothing really changes for you when you get back. So you're always looking for that next vacation.(...) Right? So like, I really believe building that stuff into your daily life is when, you know, you still need a vacation, but you don't desperately need a reprieve in the same way. Right? Like just, because there's no other way to do it. There's no other way but to...

(...) It has to happen this way. Exactly. And escape from your reality only to come back to the city shit.(...)

Yeah. See that happened with couples all the time. They think that they're going to go on vacation. It's going to be an escape from the reality. And somehow they're going to fall back in love with each other on vacation and they do, but then they come back

and their kids are running around and

someone's got to cook and someone's got to take out the garbage and then someone's mother is saying something and someone got to take care of a leaky faucet and there you hate each other again. Like, you know.

It's the truth. It is. No,

(...) no. But I think, you know, overall it's...(...) The lesson here is that it's not easy or even possible to escape, you know, burnout on some level. Right? And I think different people experience it on different levels and it takes more or less depending on who you are and, you know, what your capacity is. But I think it's a very, very true reality. And so because it is, it's like,

(...)

then we got to do something and we have to be intentional about, you know, building in what works for us, for each of us. Because otherwise, I don't know, women are going to like just go to sleep and never wake up. Like,(...) long ass nap.(...) We're all going to go to sleep and be like, uh-uh, we're not doing anything else. No more. No more.

(...) It feels like it could lead to that for sure. For so many.

(...) Yeah. I mean, I am pleased to see, you know, in this new sort of like social media content creator era that so many people are pushing this narrative more, where it's like the soft life, you know what I mean?(...) And being able to lean into that, like, that's certainly a very big,(...) there is a huge conversation going on about that.

(...)

I think it's still a very small subset of people compared, but the fact that we're talking about it.

Yeah.(...) I also, I like some of it is very

(...)

crickering. In what way?(...) I feel like, I think we might have talked about this before, but

(...)

there are these influencer people that are like, oh no, I don't lift a finger. Oh, we're not talking about them.

Oh God. Oh my God.

This girl was, she was literally video TV. She's standing outside of her car and the gas station.

(...)

No,(...) no, no, no, no. Thank you for the opportunity to serve you. Bye. And then goes back to him.

(...)

That's some bullshit. That's just for social media. That's some bullshit.

Who is

living like this?

This is legit. Okay. But they're crazy. That's okay. They're

crazy. It's all good. That's ridiculous.

I mean, that's not the definition of feminine, you dumb bitch.

Oh my God. I was watching Love is Blind Habibi. Have you seen this one? Oh my God. I cannot even.

Yeah. They're

(...)

filming. Yeah. In Dubai. I figured. Like Habibi?(...) Yeah.(...) So. No, I got that one too.(...)

Some of the ladies on there. I'm having a hard time with it. I will say I'm having a hard time.

One lady. I already know. Yes.(...)

Yes. It's everything you think it's going to be. I mean, the men are super cheesy. Like so cheap. Like the cheese level is so ridiculously high. I mean, some of them are very handsome men and probably very nice. Some of them are very open-minded and definitely much more modern in their thinking forward thinking.(...) It's not the men so much. They're just cheesy. Some of the women though. It's like men are just there to provide for you. And that's somebody

even said. You should be able to. And how dare he not. Yeah. Like there's. And

it's like, you know, that's how I was raised. And she's like, fuck the feminists. They were fucking this up for all of us. And like, you know,

(...)

and she's like, I need him to be able to, you know, provide me a certain lifestyle. And I need to like, I'm like, what are you doing? What are you bringing to the table? Like what, she's a model. So she's bringing her looks in her body, which is, you know, very, very nice. I mean, you're going to look like that for five more years. And then what you're going to do? Because like,

but just that you let me off your husband. Yeah. Well,

but your husband gonna have five other wives at that point because you're gonna be old and dusty. You'll be old and dusty

because cheating

is allowed everywhere. My friend,

you said five other.

Yeah. I mean, the side, the side chicks. No, I don't think so either. I'm talking about side chicks. I'm talking about like replacements for you, you know, not actual wives. Yes. But you know, especially if that's what it's based on, right? I'm sure there are some men who love to do that for their women, but I would have to say that that's got to get old at some point too. Like, I'm not sure. And we would have to ask a man who thinks in this way somehow,(...) because like most men I know would be like hell the fuck no. Like I'm not, what you think this is? No, I'm happy to do the things like regular life. I don't want to say normal because again, normal is a perspective, but like, you know, most of the men that I know would be happy to provide and protect and serve in certain ways, but would also expect some reciprocity, maybe not in the same ways, but in other ways as well. Right? Like, I don't know very many men who would be like, nah, don't do shit. Just sit there and look pretty all day. That's your only job because you're not that pretty anymore after a while because I get bored of looking

at you. I feel like that's what they do. They're like model influencers.(...) Like,(...) they're living the lifestyle off of their husbands. They got the fancy car and the fancy house.(...) And that's it. They just sit around bullshit all day.

How is that someone's life?

(...) Like, do you know there was another another one of these like reality shows and divide, do babbling. Did you watch?

Oh, Jesus. I watched like

(...)

maybe 40 seconds of it and I was like, no,

thank you. It's various to say that I watched all of it, but the drama,(...) like the degree of drama that there is. I'm like, really? You don't do shit all day.(...) Like you got two ones on your head. That's why you've got a dog shit about your friend.(...)

I just can't. I just can't. I can't tolerate that level of like just ignorance and entitlement.(...) Stupidity,(...) like just

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