Episode 190 - Testimony Series: Learning to Abide in Him - with Evan Atwood

This episode is a part of our December testimony Series. Evan Atwood, a director, writer, and editor from Rockford, Illinois, shares his journey as a filmmaker and the struggles he faced with self-worth and performance anxiety. He recounts witnessing divine interventions during his first feature length film shoot and recalls how God taught him the importance of abiding in Him. This spiritual practice helped Evan overcome negative emotions and refocus on his faith, grounded in the belief that abiding in God leads to fruitful outcomes.

BIO

From a young age, Evan helped his parents to tell stories through theater productions. Inspired to write and direct cinematic stories, Evan wrote 9 feature-length screenplays over the years -- both adaptations and original stories -- and directed the feature film "Remembering." Evan is a multi-award winner, who has also created more than 20 original short films.

evanatwood.com

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The Faith & Family Filmmakers podcast helps filmmakers who share a Christian worldview stay in touch, informed, and inspired. Releasing new episodes every week, we interview experts from varying fields of filmmaking; from screenwriters, actors, directors, and producers, to film scorers,  talent agents, and distributors. 

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Hi, my name is Evan Atwood and I'm a director, writer, editor, living in Rockford, Illinois.

I have as an artist and a filmmaker struggled to see me the way God sees me.

And for a long time this took form in that I had a goal of making a full length film.

And until I made a full length film, I felt honestly.

I wasn't worth as much.

Now, this summer I was able to shoot a feature length film and we saw God's hand on this from day one.

The first scene that we went to shoot, it was raining, not a good mood to start the production off on, and my wife says, let's pray.

Within objectively, within 30 to 60 seconds of when we stopped praying, it led up.

It not only led up, it completely stopped raining, and then the next day it was beautiful sunlight when.

That fit.

And then it was cloudy when we needed the mood of cloud cover and it started raining a few minutes after we got in the car after finishing filming for the day.

And I just got used to it.

But there's also the side of making a film that's very stressful and I think the greatest amount of stress is wrapped up for me.

If I'm honest, in my accomplishment, in my performance.

So when things went well, you know, I, I was enjoying it.

I was riding that stress, and it worked when things weren't going as well, when a scene wasn't working out, when I didn't have confidence in the, the next scene or a series of scenes that we were shooting.

You know, I had an anxiety.

Where does that come from?

And even now as we edit the film, I'm also editing it.

And as I work through the feedback on the rough cut, there's lots of positive feedback.

But the negative feedback I also take in.

And so I had a really low point.

I had a really low point in.

Considering all the failures, if you will, all the, the little things that could be better with art.

There's constant room for growth and exploration, criticism and imagination.

And if you dwell in the, the negative side of that for a moment or for a season.

It can really bring you down.

I've been brought down low, so what do I need?

What do I need when I'm brought down low?

Because I am unable to perform, you know, perfectly.

There are things that went well.

There are things that didn't went well, didn't go well, and I am focused on the things that didn't go well.

How do I get out of that?

Well, flashback to months and years before producing this film, before shooting it and editing it, flashback months and years, and God was working on me and preparing me.

I was single and I was very sick for a while.

Through that, through some loneliness, through some suffering,

I experienced an invaluable intimacy with God abiding in him and learning to abide in him deeper.

And God spoke to me.

He said, you know, a lot of times over and over, this is what.

You need to abide in me, you know, and I wanted a next step in accomplishing something, and he said, abide in me.

You're gonna need this, and you're gonna need this in the future.

I understood that to mean in the years to come.

And so here I am.

I've reached a low point.

And I've gotten in a rut because I've worked on my accomplishments and I've focused on my accomplishments.

And in so doing, I found myself focused on my lack of accomplishments, but I was so well practiced in abiding in him that now.

It is so much easier, so much easier to get back on that track of abiding in him.

And so what I needed was actually who I needed.

It's him that I need.

John 15 says, abide in me and I in you and you'll bear much fruit.

So abide in him, and he promises to abide in You, abide in him, and he promises that you'll bear much fruit.

To bear the fruit means to hold it.

A tree holds fruit.

The tree doesn't produce the fruit, but God produces fruit if we abide in him.

It's him that we need.