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In this episode of "A Changed Mind," our host David Bayer, explores the transformative power of forgiving one's father in personal growth. Drawing from his own experiences, David reveals how unresolved resentments towards parents can manifest as limiting beliefs, hindering progress in various aspects of life. He shares a pivotal moment during his son's birth, where letting go of paternal resentment allowed him to navigate a challenging situation with newfound clarity.

David emphasizes the importance of recognizing that parents give what they're capable of, and true unconditional love comes from a higher power. This episode offers practical advice on identifying and releasing resentments, promising profound shifts in relationships and personal development.

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SPECIAL MIND HACK/WHOLE HUMAN FRAMEWORK PROGRAM BUNDLE

https://mindhackprogram.com/bundle-acm

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What We Explored This Episode

5:08 Dad's reaction to event

13:45 Natural birth plan challenges

16:49 Forgiveness enables calm confrontation

19:21 Seeking unconditional love from God

Memorable Quotes

"Every single parent has a conditional love for their child. But I kept seeking this unconditional love, and I kept giving meaning to the experience of not getting that unconditional love, that it must be me, it must be something wrong with me, and then building coping mechanisms to actually deal with that."

"I realized, wow, almost every single man that I'm interacting with, and also in many cases, women that I'm interacting with in my life, I'm not actually having a relationship or a conversation or an interaction with them. I'm having a relationship or conversation or interaction with a dad whose love I'm seeking."

"When you can literally let go of the resentments that you have for your mom or for your dad or for anyone, you open up this space where you deepen your personal relationship with your higher power. Because there's now space to do that. It's not being filled with all these limiting beliefs and these unintelligent thoughts."

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Mentioned in this episode:

SPECIAL MIND HACK/WHOLE HUMAN FRAMEWORK PROGRAM BUNDLE

And as I started writing out my resentments, like all the inner dialogue I had around my dad, I realized, oh, my God, here's this whole treasure trove of limiting beliefs. And they were specifically the ones that I had had a hard time letting go of in personal growth. They were the ones like, there was something wrong with me, or I have to convince others that I'm right in order to earn their love, or I have to be successful in order to be approved and loved, and I need to be right and I needed to win arguments and all this stuff that required so energy to maintain in order to, I don't know, avoid the really painful feelings of personal insecurity. It was always everyone else's fault. And I built up this whole structure of kind of propping myself up to be love. Welcome to a Changed Mind. A journey into the topics that matter to you most. From the neuroscience and spirituality of mindset and personal growth, to groundbreaking strategies for health, wealth, and relationships, to open and honest conversations about pressing global issues such as the environment, censorship, corporate capture, and democracy. Each and every episode reminds us of the certainty of the goodness of the future and provides the teachings, tools, and timeless wisdom inspiring you to create real, lasting change in your life and in the world. If you've been desiring a sanctuary for your spirit, a place to go to tune out the distraction, negativity, and doom and gloom so that you can tap into the deep power, the vibrancy, and the potential you have inside, you're in the right place. Welcome to a Changed Mind. Hey, it's David. Welcome to a Changed mind. A sanctuary for your spirit. A place where each and every episode, I remind you of the certainty of the goodness of the future. I'm your friend, your host, your guide, David Bayer. So today we're going to be talking about forgiving dad. And it may sound like a pretty straightforward, not too sexy conversation, but this is perhaps the biggest breakthrough you can have in your personal growth. If you know you're being blocked by your limiting beliefs. You're wanting to have more joy in your life. You're wanting to create more powerfully in your life. I'm telling you, the next level of growth comes from forgiveness for dad. Now, you may say, dave, I don't need to forgive my dad. I grew up in a great family. My dad was an awesome guy. Here's the thing. Having had over 10,000 coaching conversations, every single person has resentment towards their parents. In this episode, we're talking about dad. And you don't need to have 10,000 coaching conversations to know that every human being has resentment towards their father, you just have to understand how human being functions, which is as children and we come into the world, we expect an unconditional love from our parents, but we're seeking unconditional love from people who have a lot of conditions, whether it's their job, whether it's their relationship that they have with mom, whether it's the fact that they're co parenting and they're a single parent. Health challenges that they're having, their own unprocessed trauma were born to conditional beings. And so in those conditions, we perceive neglect and we give meaning to that neglect or those gaps where we're not getting what it is that we want. And so that over time forms into a resentment. And I'm seeing more and more and more that forgiving your parents is absolutely essential to personal growth. And if you've been in personal growth for a while, this isn't your first rodeo and you have been struggling with certain limiting beliefs to let them go. You're aware of them, but you just keep thinking the same thoughts, you keep having the same experiences. I'm willing to bet the farm. I don't have a farm, but if I did, I'd bet the farm on on it. That related to those hard to let go limiting beliefs is a resentment that needs to be transformed into a forgiveness. And resentment is not just a concept. What I'm going to be sharing with you in terms of how your limiting beliefs get attached and corded to resentments is backed by psychology, it's backed by neuroscience. And this is really a little known secret in personal growth.

She's like, I've never seen anything like that. Like, the way that you took such A calm stand in the face of that aggression from the doctor. I had this massive realization where I was like, oh, my God. I was able to do that because I had just forgiven my dad. Because in any other ordinary circumstance, the doctor would have been my dad, and I would have been trying to convince him that I was right and that he was wrong so that I could be loved. But as a result of letting go of this resentment that I'd been carrying so long, I was able to just be in the space with this other person who has their own unprocessed trauma and their own resentments and their own programs, and I could just let their programs go and not get entangled with them. And in that, I was able to show up really powerfully for my family and also maybe even create a space for the doctor to feel whatever he needed to feel. And after that incident, I realized, wow, like, almost every single man that I'm interacting with, and also in many cases, women that I'm interacting with in my life, I'm not actually having a relationship or a conversation or an interaction with them. I'm having a relationship or conversation or interaction with a dad whose love I'm seeking. And so when I realized this, that, like, wow, like, we're all going through life trying to get love from people or trying to prove to people that we're worthy of being loved because we never got this unconditional love that we were seeking from our parents, it was so freeing. It was so unbelievably freeing because there's so much energy that is invested and exhausted in that deep unreality. I mean, think about it like, you're going to get up today and you're going to have interactions with people, whether it's the barista at Starbucks or somebody at work or one of your employees. And a major component of that interaction is going to be a lens that you're not aware of that's compelling you to believe that you need to get love from this person because of places you didn't get love from your parents. And so when I saw this, it was so unbelievably freeing. And then even more so, I realized, and I've been sharing about this on other episodes, is I've been building a deeper relationship with my higher power. And for me, my higher power has become God, and it's a personal relationship. I realized that, oh, my God, that love that I was seeking from my parents, that unconditional love, I was never meant to get it from my dad. There's only one place That I can get that unconditional love. And that is my higher power that is with God. Because God is the only power that is. So God doesn't have to choose between the time he spends with his children and going to work. God isn't managing the friction of a relationship with his wife. God doesn't do those things. And God has infinite power. And so there is no gap in God's love for us or God's love for me. And so I realized, man, what a pressure I was putting on my dad. Like, I wanted my dad to be God, and he was never supposed to be. He was supposed to be this guy that I believe that I chose to come into the world through in order to have exactly the interactions that I had with him. Many of them were joyful, some of them were painful, and it set me on my own destiny and my own hero's journey. But the unconditional love is supposed to come from my personal relationship with God. And so the reason why I'm sharing this is I'm just encouraging you to take a look. Because when you can literally let go of the resentments that you have for your mom or for your dad or for anyone, you open up this space where you deepen your personal relationship with your higher power. Because there's now space to do that. It's not being filled with all these limiting beliefs and these unintelligent thoughts. And it all becomes so freeing. And this is very root cause. It's like we get into personal growth because we want to be happier, because we want to make more money, because we want to discover our purpose, because we want to have better relationships or heal our body or achieve our goals. But those things are actually just byproducts of no longer wasting all of our energy on these illusions. And the biggest illusion that there is is that our parents were supposed to be something for us that they weren't. And then holding on to that illusion through this bound energy of resentment. And if you can let go and let God, it's so freeing and practically what you can do. If you're picking up what I'm laying down here, and if you are, let me know in the comments, because I'm just saying this is my experience. This is what I found. And now I have such an incredible laboratory of human beings with all the coaching conversations and the events and the seminars that we get to do, and I get to see the breakthroughs for people. And one of the biggest levers right now that I'm seeing is trading in resentment for forgiveness as it relates to our parents. But practically, what you can do, if you like what you're hearing, is to write out all the beliefs that come up around your parent that you feel like there's a resentment towards, or even if you would just want to see if there's a resentment, and then use the tools from the show or go download my ebook on our website, or go pick up my full book on Amazon and let go of those beliefs. Let go of that thinking and it'll be amazing what you find. Number one, you'll find that you start showing up completely in relationship, not only with your parents, but with everybody. You'll actually find that your parents will start showing up differently with you because you're not putting this subconscious pressure on them to be your higher power. And then, number three, what you'll find is all kinds of other miracles starting to emerge in your life as a result of now being able to have this energy go towards what you're wanting to create, rather than bound up in this destructive thinking and these negative emotions and this unproductive behavior. So, so I hope you love the episode. I hope it leads you to allow your parents to be who they are and to open up a greater love between you and them and all people. And if there's somebody that needs to hear this episode, please share it with them. If you're following on YouTube, do me a favor, subscribe and leave me a comment question. I tried to read all of them and if you're following along on the audio platforms, do me a favor, subscribe and leave me a rating or a review. So it's such a pleasure and a joy to be able to share in today's episode a little bit more about my own journey with you. I hope it serves you well. So I love you very much and I will see you in the next episode. Hey, it's David. One more thing. If you want to go even deeper on everything we've talked about on today's episode, don't forget to jump over to www.DavidBear.com. you can find the link in the show notes and subscribe to our newsletter. A couple of times a week, I'm going to be sending you the latest episodes that we've released along with additional free trainings. You'll get immediate access to my free Mind Hack ebook and go even deeper into all the tools, the technologies, the frameworks that have helped tens of thousands of people establish a changed mind. Don't forget to jump on over to the site and I will see you in the next episode.