"Don’t give two shits about what anybody else thinks dance to the beat of your own drum. " - Marcus Hunter Neil

Learn how to rid yourself of the toxic narcissist in your life and step up into your own queen power.

Today I share a conversation with Marcus Hunter Neil pioneer drag queen Lady Portia

Instagram: @ladypandme

Marcus is a MindValleys Irish Ambassador, Coach, TedTalker, Podcaster, Pioneer Drag Queen, Ambassador for the NSPCC

Here are some key moments:

• Being with a narcissist is like Grey Gardens pretending to be glitterati while you’re living in a dilapidated house.
• “ No one sets out to actively be a narcissist and the victim of a narcissist. It just happens.“ It's the narcissists personality.
• Be your own wing man, defend yourself and take no mistreatment
• Relationship should be a want not a need
• No matter how much self work you do if you and the other person are not a fit you are not a fit
• Know your values know your worth. Because if you don’t have standards then you will shape shift for whomever you’re with.
• Do not put anybody even royalty on a pedestal because we are all human beings at the end of the day
• Here’s a test exercise can you list five things that you love about your narcissistic partner? if not then you are stuck in a scenario in the wrong environment and you’re making excuses each day as to why you will not break up with them. 
• Love yourself radically. Be secure enough in your own skin no matter what happens when you come out on the other side it will all be fine. 

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90. How to Embrace your Queen Energy and Shed the Narcissists in your Life with Lady Portia

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And they're worse. Sometimes they're harder to walk away from because everyone goes they're, that's just the way they are. Mm. I hate that. That's bullshit to me. That is bullshit. That's just the way they are. Well, what if every time I walked in your room and they punch me in the face, is that just the way they are?

Would I align myself and punch in the face

. I am your host, Raven Scott, your go-to narcissist abuse recovery coach.

90, how to embrace your queen energy and shed the narcissist control in your life with lady Portia, AKA Marcus hunter Neil

It is not a substitute for professional therapy.

This episode is sponsored by better help. I numbed myself to stop the pain and I reached out to friends for. But it wasn't until I gained courage to leave and seek therapy that my dark abyss of hopelessness finally started to let in the light I was so longing for.

If you think you might be feeling depressed, stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, today's sponsor better help is here to help. better help offers licensed therapists who are trained to listen and help you. It allows you to talk to your therapist in a private online environment at your convenience, with a broad range of expertise and better helps 20,000 plus therapists network.

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I gained my sense of self autonomy back my power back and my confidence back. Join the 3 million plus people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experience better health therapist. Get 10% off your first month@betterhelp.com slash empath. That's better. H E L p.com/e M P a T H in the link in the show notes.

Today's guest is a special guest, just like all the others, but I was so excited and just thrilled to be in the high energy of Marcus Hunter, Neil, AKA lady Portia.

I had the pleasure to meet Marcus on his podcast with Jean Sullivan, who you just heard on the podcast.

An episode.

88. Ms. Soulmate, coach Jean Sullivan. So they both, co-host a podcast called dating is such a drag and I was a guest on their podcast and it was just so much fun. Their vibe was so high. So I had have them on our podcast to share with you my lovely impasse. Just their amazing wisdom. So each individually on their own shows. So today is Marcus's and I'm going to read through his little letter to you. It's more like his bio is a bio, but it's more of like a little love letter and I just love it. So I'm going to read it to

And the first lockdown, a global helping hand network. I mostly work in global corporate leadership and personal development with teams or individuals working with major international organizing on setting up best working practices and delivering supportive coaching on diversity, equality, inclusion, and belonging, including the importance, cognitive diversity.

I am an end goal, strategist, social entrepreneur, Ted talker, history maker, many times over and 100% life lover who loves to talk and has wonderful stories to share. Which I do weekly

on a dating and love podcast. I cohost dating is such a drag pun intended. I love working in the field of thought leadership, coaching, leadership, and personal development. As a communications facilitator and leadership mentor. I deliver workshops and seminars across a variety of sectors. I love nothing more than helping companies and individuals get out of their own way and thrive.

I have my own coaching practice. With clients all over the world. So I'm used to working in different time zones. And what makes my coaching very unique is not only do I work on unblocking, cognitively reframing and neurologically reprogramming, negative limiting beliefs. Thoughts and actions. I spent an equal amount of time raising each individual client's personal vibration. So they become super humans in the world around them.

Once I left school, I was very quickly excelled my way to adult life and career by cultivating the. Art of listening. Watching and reading human behavior to figure out what makes people tick. I know how to use every trick in my toolbox for maximum success. Over the past 23 years of working life experience comes from working in special needs. The world of performing arts.

Media property and cosmetic sales. Being the only male cosmetic sales person in Northern Ireland at the time. And as a pioneering drag artists, I identify a weakness or a quirky characteristic and turn it into a strength. I've got a wonderfully colorful and hardworking lifestyle, which allows me to share my knowledge with others in a hope to help inspire and drive them forward.

In their careers. I love seeing teams. I work with transform and gel. It makes my heart sing because none of us are as strong as all of us. With no traditional qualifications, I've worked eight years within BBC, both presenting, producing, and entertainment shows. I'm an ambassador for the NSPCC. Childline a role. I do both as myself and in drag showing that diversity exists and it's cool.

I've also loved my time working on children in need,

To cultivate some very big changes. In Northern Ireland being front and center and bringing marriage equality to Northern Ireland, a new, a few fun facts. Well, apart from being able to do any eight second costume change and Cartwheel and stilettos, LOL, I'm currently working on my first novel and a personal development guide to life.

I'm so excited to read that. Please feel free to reach out, say hi. All the very best of wishes. Love Marcus.

And without further ado, let's get into our conversation.

I love it. I'm from I'm from Northern Ireland. Incidentally Belfast is actually where they made the Titanic for anyone that didn't know that. And I live very close to where the Titanic was dropped into the sea for the very first time and sailed off to, um, Portsmouth, where it picked every. And then off to the Americas and then unfortunately never made it so it wasn't broke whenever it left Belfast.

That's that's all I'm gonna say.

I just had to pick both your brains individually here to support our audience. And he kept sharing stories and I'm like, we need to talk more about these stories.

It's a bit like, I don't know if you've ever seen, , The documentary or the movie Grey gardens. Oh, are you familiar with this? Not I need, so it's a really brilliant documentary and it, and it, and it, and it's amazing in the sense of if you watch the movie of it. So drew Barrymore and Jessica lying play little DY and, um, young ed and little and older ed mother daughter who were huge, big social.

Little lady was dipped to be like the first lady. And then they ended up being Jackie NASA's cousins and aunt, and they fell into, they lived in this huge big house in the Hamptons. They were the it family Edie, whenever she was doing her debut, um, she was bodily beautiful be. And they like, literally. Of their day, the Kardashians, right?

Mm-hmm , mm-hmm but cut to the documentary, which is you can find online and they're living in squaler. And then you kind of think to yourself, how did they go from all of that to kind of living, living in squalor they're still in the mansion and they still live this in this head that there's still the glitterati

but everything else is falling. There's like ITing inbred caps. There's, you know, all these different animals living in the there's holes in the walls. And they like live in, in one bedroom. And that's kind of what a good description of when you're in the moment. You do not see what is going on. You don't see the wallpaper chipping.

You don't see the crack in the paint. You don't see that the door is coming off its tinges. And for the last six months you've been kind of like pushing the door and walking around it to the point where you just keep the door open because you can't get it open or closed. All of that just becomes so ingrained in your every day.

Type of behavior to happen. It manifests into something bigger and a different behavior, but they're so finite that you're not even aware. Sometimes it makes you go, oh God, that was a bit odd. Oh, but here's a bunch of flowers. Oh, you know, , this is making me feel a little bit uncomfortable.

Oh. But this has been a lovely dinner. Oh, here's, here's just something, here's just something, here's just something. And it kind of cancels all of that out until one day. You're literally living in Grey Gardens yeah, where the entire house, like the, depart the police department and the council were called because the house was deemed to be inhabitable yet.

The two residents still lived in it. And that is like your that's the perfect example of living with the narcissist. And it's not until. , everything crumbles around you and you're still going. This house is beautiful. I don't know what you're talking about. We have got the perfect marriage.

He might, he's got his quirks or she's got her quirks, but that's just them. And you're just jealous because I'm living this dream life because we've convinced ourselves that we are living this dream life because the lie. is easier to tolerate than the truth. Mm-hmm , you know, because if you actually sat down and were truthful to yourself, You would go get the fuck outta the Dodge, you know, whereas you don't, you put these blinkers on because you don't want to lose faith with your friends.

They, they don't set out to be like, I'm gonna grab this person and I'm gonna turn them into a victim. This is just what their personality is. And then they move. and mold people into what works for them. It's a bit like getting a pair of Jimmy's shoes and then breaking them in they're really. So at the start, but once you break them in, then, then they're comfortable.

So that's what a narcissist tries to do with a partner. I'll bend them to my way. and I'll make them fit. And then, and then the shoe fits and then all of a sudden you go, actually, these are six and heels. I could wear trainers. yeah. You know, I'm gonna, I'm getting off this Merry Gorin, you know? Yeah. And that's the thing.

It's not you. No one sets out actively to be a narcissist and the victim of a narcissist. It just happens. And it can happen to everybody. And. And you just have to kind of spot the warning signs. And also what I would say is one of the fastest ways to never get caught up in a narcissist grip is simply self love.

And that is once you fall in love with yourself wholeheartedly and in all of my coaching, what I, before I start anything, I get all of my clients to, uh, be their own wing man. Right? So actually be their own best friend, be their own support act, be their own person that they are saying I've got your back because if you're in a really healthy relationship, And you're out somewhere and someone is having a go at your partner.

Don't like it. But actually I'm gonna step in for myself. So it's yourself is stepping in for self to go actually one. I don't get spoken to like this, cuz I don't speak to people like this two. I don't know where the fuck you think you're getting off on behaving like this, but this doesn't ride with me.

If we are going to stay in any form of a connection, here's a slight tweak that you're gonna have to make. To keep me not that I have to keep make to keep you because I'm so content on my own that I don't need to be in this relationship at the moment. I want to be it. But if, once I stop wanting to be in it, I'm out the door.

That's it. When you get into a scenario of you are your own best friend and wingman and support, and you listen to what you're actually saying to yourself, but then also. Our relationship is something that you want to be in. Not that you need to be in so many people fall foil of, you know, I need to be in a re if I'm not in a relationship, I'm not myself and I can't do this and I can't go.

So they will. They'll you know, every red flag that's banging them up the face will go, oh gosh, Wendy, the day red flags. Oh my God. Going on here. , you know, oh, there's another one. Oh, Dodge do Philip.

Hey, empaths wanted to take a break and ask if these phrases sound familiar to you. I didn't say that you're too sensitive. No one will ever believe you.

If these phrases are. Familiar and you may be dealing with a narcissist

Now, back to the show.

That'll hit your face and then there'll be a bouquet of roses. That'll hit your face. Yeah. And you're like, oh, oh, well, that's really nice. I kind of like owe them now because they've just giving me a, a bouquet of roses. So I'll just let them off

You really, you know, you got us in so much trouble there, or you could have done this. You've done that. Or you've you forgot to pay that electric bill. but isn't your outfit. So lovely. You look so gorgeous in, in that, in that outfit. I love the way you've done your hair, but you are still stupid, you know, mm-hmm and you're like, oh, uh, and things sandwich here with, what am I, am I good or stupid or pretty?

Or, you know what, like, and then, and then you're left going, am I nuts? Because like, this person just gives me so many compliments all the time. but yet sometimes says really horrible things. Maybe I must be the crazy one. Like I, because you know, someone who's that who's that good.

Couldn't be doing anything against me. They really have my back, you know? Yeah. And that's where we actually end up falling file of so many things like that. You know, I had, um, I had a friend who there was literally nothing she could do. That would fix anything. So she would go away and work on herself and then come back mm-hmm and then I don't like this about you go and change that.

I don't like this about you. I go and change that. I don't like this about you I'll go and change that. So

You're never gonna be the right per the right partner for the wrong person. So, no matter how much self work you do, if you're not a fit, you're not a fit. Okay. I love live by the thing of shake and move on. You know, if you get to your point and you go, this really isn't working for me, I am having to justify.

My own behavior and my own thoughts and my own, you know, values and beliefs to align with yours. And I'm really bringing everything that I hold through into question, just so I'm trying to align with yours. It's time to get out, you know? Oh, but that's the

Cause a lot of us enter it like, well, the truths and values you hold true is to make sure everyone's happy around you. And that everyone likes you. Like it's always as outward, just like the narcissist, except you're on the opposite end. Yeah. So. I love that you talk about self love, cuz that is the only way you can shake and leave.

Yeah. Is if you actually love yourself and you have those

Look, be able to look at yourself in the mirror. and be fully in love with the person and the reflection that you see. And I do lots with my clients. I do lots of mirror work, and also one of the things that I do that is a very, very quick way of training your brain to fall in love with yourself and telling the universe that you're in love with yourself is.

Go. Oh my God. Aren't you like, you're clever than I thought. You're great. You are cooking something and you go, oh my God, I just threw all these random ingredients together. This is lovely. And in your head, you're going, you are awesome. Yeah, you're great. You're doing something in work and all of a sudden you've pulled together this like presentation or you've made a, a worksheet or a spreadsheet and the spreadsheet is, is great.

And you've done it in less time than ever. You. isn't it great that you actually have the capability that you've been able to do this, and then remember back to time when you couldn't do it. So every time you do anything, you're backing up the fact that you're great and you're improving and that you love who you are and what you're doing, cuz you're awesome.

And you're saying you're awesome to yourself. So then that pattern of behavior is so transfixed in who we are and so ingrained as soon. Somebody upsets our apple cart, whether it be side chat in work or bitching here, or a narcissist, a family, cuz you can get narcissists in, in family dynamics as well.

And they're worse. Sometimes they're harder to walk away from because everyone goes they're, that's just the way they are. Mm. I hate that. That's bullshit to me. That is bullshit. That's just the way they are. Well, what if every time I walked in your room and they punch me in the face, is that just the way they are?

Because there's no physical hurt. Everyone goes, oh, that's fine. Awe. I sure they seem happy. Yeah. Just are you listen, living in the rug? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Say not sure. They're sure they're married or that's just the way they are. That's bullshit. That's just people here too afraid to step up to the mark for somebody else.

I would rather people fall out with me. But know that I'm here for them. And if you're choosing to fall out with me, because I'm flagging up a scenario that is unhealthy for you to be in mm-hmm when you figure out that that I'm I'm here and I have your best of intent, then I'm, I'm still here with the best of intent.

You need to figure this out for yourself. Too many people are afraid of saying. Things like, oh, you know, she might follow it with me if I said that or he might do you know, what, if you don't even like the partner, why the fuck do you worry? Whether they, whether they follow it with you or not. Right. Like, honestly, that's, that's what I think, like

Yeah. It could be finances. It gets really complicated cuz they start to take all the control. So like where you live. And all these things, but those things can be taken care of. There are people to support you. Yeah,

Literally arrived to my house and slept on my floor for three months. She had nothing. Mm. And she built everything from scratch. Mm-hmm . I moved into, I had a, a tiny, a smaller, much smaller house with only like one bed. And I moved into here, which has got three bedrooms in a dressing room and I had spare, but I didn't have any furniture.

She lost her home that she, because she, she left. she lost her sister. Um, and, she lost an 18 year marriage mm-hmm , but then she built everything up, off, off the back of it again, you know? Yeah. And it can, it can happen. One of the programs that I coach that I designed and it's called the tree of life.

Right. Mm-hmm and it's got, it's a deep dive into 23 different aspects of your life asking the same four questions, right? Mm-hmm so the whole reason why it's called the tree of life is a branch can break. You know, you can get something, go, go wrong, but visually, , it, you print out three, nine, a four pages that all pieces together to make one big tree.

You've got the roots and you can see under the ground, you've got the trunk and you've got the branches. So every aspect is there, a branch can break a tree, could literally be cut down. And this is where I got the idea from it from my grandparents had this huge Palm tree in their living room. Mm-hmm and it, it just grew to the point where they had no, no light.

My uncle cut the entire Palm tree, down to a stub, drilled into the stump and poured petrol in it to kill it at the root. Yeah, within five, within five. A couple of little shoots started to, to come out and then I, it started to grow and then they kept it because it was a manageable side. So the entire tree has been cut right down to the base.

I literally lived in the state of anxiety going at any moment. Now I am gonna be on the streets. Everything that I own will be on the streets and I would be lying. In my bed in winter with no electricity, no heat. And I would charge my phone and work. Nobody knew what was going on. I would shower and work.

I would find like little scraps of food around work and I would eat there. And everybody just thought that, you know, I was such a bougie broke person. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't have known anytime I had money, I, I bought rounds of coffees.

So I, so nobody would ever know that I didn't have anything mm-hmm but I, my reality was I was going home to nothing and I would be lying in the bed and I would see my own breath. Coming out and. You know, at least I have a front door to lock. So no matter how cold I am or how miserable this is right now, I have a front door to lock and I have all of my possessions mm-hmm so I could still see the gratitude in that.

And I built everything back up again from, from that. So no matter height, dark a scenario. And it's also that thing of, you know, in the wizard of Oz where they're skipping through the forest and they go, oh, it's gonna get darker before it gets lighter. Whenever we get the Oz mm-hmm , it is gonna get darker.

So what, it's yours, there's no one calling your. if you end up from being, you know, having it all, and then you're on government welfare for a while. If you had it all before, you can get it all back again. Mm-hmm one of my best girl. She, um, her husband, they had this amazing multimillion point business and life and everything that they could ever possibly want.

And she came in one day and the bailiffs are there and he had cleaned them out. He had taken all of the money and he had salted it all away and she was living this, you know, dream life with a child in arm and Gucci bags and Mercedes Benzs and everyth. She literally, they were going, we want your keys to your car and, uh, you're not allowed anything else from the house.

We're seizing everything. Oh my gosh. And the husband had done a runner with it, you know? Mm. So she ended up with that and ended up in on government welfare. She's built it all back up again. Mm-hmm so no matter how dark it gets. It's only a blip in time. Look at COVID. Yeah. Co like who would've thought at the end of 20, 19, 20 20 was going to be what it was.

And that I was there. I just said that as a child mm-hmm , I didn't know what, how to work that out in my head, but I knew that this was a blip. So even though I was gone, I want to be dead. And I was thinking, I was even thinking, how would I do it? If I was to kill myself, what would be the, what would be the best way for everyone?

This is, this is the thoughts of a 12 year old child. I would need a, I would have to do it somewhere where like a policeman would either find me or an ambulance person then I was going, but then imagining their head. They wouldn't understand why I'd done it. And this might plague them for the rest of their life.

That's not fair. Yeah. I'm dyslexic. My parents don't know what's going on. My grandparents don't know they would all be so sad if I wasn't in their lives. And. The oldest person that I had ever known was 91. And it was my great grandmother and she was still alive when I was alive. Mm. So when I like had this visualization of my life as this timeline, mm-hmm, , you know, the time that I was in was so short that it was, it was only from like 12 to 16 and then I'm over there.

But if I lived in 91, on the scale of this, of this line, it's so minuscule and I can do so much more when I come out the other side. So if you feel that you are stuck in any way, it's not going to be pretty, it's not going to be pleasant. And the narcissist will be so angry that you have left, that they will do everything in their part.

I'm gonna do this all by myself. Yeah. You know? ,

So don't take it. Yeah, absolutely.

I hold my own values, very close to my own heart. So how I treat people, , and how I let people treat me. So if I would never treat somebody in a way, there is not a mission, I'm letting somebody treat me lesser than I would treat somebody else. And, you know, I have worked with some incredibly successful people all over the world.

I have worked with big stars. I have worked with royalty and I have worked with the homeless. and every single person is exactly the same to me. And I will treat every single person in the same way. I have never bowed down to anyone because of their job rule, because that's just a title. They're all a human being at the end of the day.

And that person who is now the CEO of some global international firm. Three paychecks and a divorce or whatever, or a scandal. And you could be that homeless person I'm feeding on the street in three months. So I've never hero worshiped anybody because of the, because of their title, I've hero, worshiped people because of their actions.

Because she had given so much of her money to charity, because as she said, there's only so much money that I could possibly need. And she gave away so much of her money to good causes. And I used to just think what an amazing way to show up. I would, I don't think I would probably ever make the billionaire status because I'd always be going, listen, I have a house, I have a car of this.

And then it's such a shame. No, That she's kind of with her actions and her stance on, you know, certain things and how vocal she's been about anti L G B T stuff. I just can't respect her anymore, but, and it's so hurt. It's so hurtful for me because here was somebody for so many years that I was going, this person has lost their billionaire.

But, you know, because they've given away so much of their money to charity over COVID and everything like that, I set up soup kitchens and things and gave away everything that I, everything that I could possibly do. Mm-hmm so it just that's, that's what I mean about, you know, when you've got. Key values and core beliefs.

I'm so sorry that mm-hmm, , it's the fact that you get educated and you still have a certain things of belief. Just say nothing less head sooner, believe whatever the fuck you want. Yeah. Do whatever the fuck you want in your own house, in your behind closed doors. But when you have a public platform and you're giving other people permission to show up in the world, like a wanker.

No. I'm so I'm so sorry. Don't if it's not love that's

That's why I just. Fell. So codependently in love with him because I thought, well, he's, he's better than me. So without him, I'm nothing. And that's where you get vulnerable. That's where you just get abused

Yeah. So I'm not gonna have somebody try to pull me down. So it's when you're spotting things and going, well, they've got this lovely car. I'll give you a great example of this. Mm-hmm there was a girl that I know very, very well and was very, very close to. , and it was just, it was so destroying how she was letting this man treat her. And it just, and I, I just couldn't get my head rounded and we were always falling out and she was leaving him and she wasn't, she was leaving and she wasn't, and he was a Dick.

Where he will take you out for dinner and he take, he's taking you. To a chain restaurant were the most expensive things. About 10 99. He's not whining and dining you in a normal, healthy relationship. It is six months of listen togetherness and a 48 hour period where somebody might have. beef about something.

That's what a normal relat you're not in a normal, healthy relationship. I am. I am. It's great. It's great. So there would be all these conversations all the time. And then there was one time I said to her, I said to you're right. You tell me here and I, you tell me five things right now that you love about him.

Oh, uh, uh, uh, um, they're really, they're really dependent. Uh they're um, you're putting me on the spot. And I, and then she said to me, you name five things that you love about me. And I said, I love how great you are in the world. I love how you show up. I love that you do this. I love that you do that. I love this about you.

I love that about you. I said I could probably name 20. I said there is your there's your mark. You're not in love. You're stuck in a scenario that you can't get out of that you're not letting yourself break out. So she goes, it's only because you can think faster than I can. And you knew you were gonna say that.

I said, I didn't know that I was gonna say that. That's just because I heard you speak so much. I never heard you say the word love once in anything that you did or anything that you said in this conversation. So I've just asked you. Tell me what you love about them and you can't answer it cuz you actually don't love anything about this person.

And that's another thing that's another thing never give two shits what anybody else thinks, because dance to the bit, your own drum. I wouldn't care if somebody like looked side and like, oh, they we're in a relationship and now they are not. So . Yeah. And what of, it said, you know what, I'm really happy within my own head.

How's your mental health. If you're judging me for leaving an arcs abuser, well, you know, you crack on with that one. That's, you know, I'm grand.

To be honest with you

With the way he speaks to you, because the thing about a narcissist is their mask slips. A lot of the time they can be great in public, but they only hold it up so long. So when you've got really close friends who are at your house all the time, or, you know, parents who, you know, visiting children and they they're in the narcissist environment, their mask slips because they're in the comfort of their own home.

Mm-hmm . So they'll back chat to someone. Or talk, down to somebody in a way that makes somebody else. What did I just hear? Does he speak to you like that all the time? Yeah. You're like what? That's just how we talk to each other. So really pay attention and think to yourself. Why would everybody in your life be saying the same thing and why would everybody in your life not want to see you happy?

So that's what you have to be asking yourself. And then also my other top tip as well is be secure. Within your own skin, no matter what happens when you come out the other side, it all will be fine. You may have, you know, you may have distanced yourself or isolated yourself from a lot of your friends and family.

Those people are all in the wings waiting to catch mm-hmm they maybe haven't been allowed to because you know, you have been cultivated into an environment where you are. On your own so that you could, so there was too much outside chatter saying that he wasn't being very nice. He wasn't being very nice.

We're here. We're we are catching you. We are your safety net. I'm sorry that it's taken you five years to figure this. but we are, we're so glad. And we're here. So know that, no matter how dark, it seems, you know, there's a handrail to get you through it, you know? Yeah. There's a handrail in the dark, just waiting for you to reach out.

I love that. Yeah. And even I'll add this to that, even if it's somebody who doesn't have anybody waiting in the wings possibly because your family also is narcissistic. There is someone. There was one person. I know mine was this brand new roommate who I barely knew. And she was my someone we chatted with and supported each other together.

Mm-hmm, brand new in the relationship. And then I went to a therapist and then that's the other wing. Like you just start attracting people that will help you. Yeah. Mm-hmm and how to self great head space is like meditation morning and night. Mm-hmm, constantly telling yourself how great you are reminding yourself.

You're great. Reframing the negative back chat that you say about yourself. And then all of a sudden, once you reframe that you start going well, I'm not gonna let other people say that to me. Everything's a journey. And if you're not a good meditator, I wasn't a good me meditator because I, my mind was too was too chatty mm-hmm

I did guided. 20 minute meditations. Then I got myself up to a bit more. And now, I can do guided ones or, or not mm-hmm but raise your own vibration so that you transcend this, the scenario that you're in. Yeah. So I'm that I just wanted before I know our time is, is, is running short.

So I just wanted to, to drop that little nugget in as.

But if we take back our power, you have it within you.

Can can, can stop being an addict, but it's only them that can do it. So whether it's drugs or alcohol or shopping or gambling or your partner, because you're addicted to whatever they're giving out, it is the same mental process. Mm-hmm and the fear of not having it is almost keeping you there and, you know, junkies lose their friends and family because they've, they've stolen from them.

They've lied to the. Or they've done, whatever, you know, look at it a bit like that. You're just, you're an addict for the scenario that you're in, but like that you can change it. You can change your thoughts, which will change the environment that you live in.

ciao. Thank you.

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