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Perfection Isn't The Goal: Season 2 Wrap Up
Episode 11 • 31st May 2024 • No Shame In The Home Game • Joyful Support Movement
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Join Lacey and Sara in a heartfelt wrap-up of Season 2 as they discuss their contrasting approaches to tackling home projects and the magic of finding balance. They reflect on the impactful lessons learned from their participants, the importance of emotional connection, and the joy of incremental changes in their daily routines. From meal planning tips to decluttering strategies, they celebrate the supportive community they've built and share personal anecdotes that inject humor and realness into their conversations. Plus, a fun debate on whether a hotdog is a sandwich, and envisioning the ultimate joyful funeral party!

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Transcripts

Lacey:

Welcome to No Shame in the Home Game, the podcast that cares

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how your home feels, not looks.

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I am Lacey, your co host who is always

just along for the ride, realistically,

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but we were here Sara, the co host that I

feel like actually knows what's going on.

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Hi, Sara.

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Sara: Hi Lacey.

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It's so good to

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see

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Lacey: too.

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We were, before we started, we

were talking about how, I like

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to fly by the seat of my pants.

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and I have brought Sara.

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Into that energy.

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Sara: I really like the contrast

and that, yin yang, yin yang.

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Some people pronounce it differently.

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Anyways, I like that because sometimes I

overthink things to the point of freezing.

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And I think sometimes you run into a

burning building a little too fast.

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Lacey: Absolutely

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Sara: not in a critical way, so I

think between the two of us, there

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is this, I always talk about the

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tortoise and the hare, like there

is a beautiful balance between

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the two, and I've learned to

embrace the flying tortoise.

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my wallpaper, which I got to show

off to my friend this morning.

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my wallpaper is a perfect example

of no, just dive right in people.

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and she too was like, I know

sometimes I can't commit to things

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because I think about them too much.

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And I'm like, yeah, I can totally relate.

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So the laziness of things is

beautiful and I've embraced

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Lacey: Thank you.

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I really appreciate that.

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It's been a really funny and like my

perfectionism journey, that a lot of

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times perfectionists don't start things

because they want it to be perfect.

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I'm like, that is not a

problem I've ever had.

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Sara: I can relate to that.

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I do this thing.

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It's actually.

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Antithetical might be the right word.

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I'm not sure.

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I'll actually do something where I

will research something to death and I

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will put in so much time that I've over

calculated everything and then I'll get

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fatigued and then I'll jump and make a

decision without using any of the research

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I just did because I get so impatient.

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But I, it's my process though.

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I Yeah, sometimes I do jump in, I guess,

but I have to go through this cursory,

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like, 20 hours of research first.

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Lacey: I actually think this is an

interesting way to start our wrap

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up season two, because I think this

season behind the scenes, Sara and

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I had Such a great flow of getting

things done this season and on a

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meta level has felt so good to us,

not to speak for you, Sara, but this

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is something you're talking about.

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just hitting our stride, feeling

like we know what we're doing.

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So I want to make sure we start off

the conversation with like season

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two has felt amazing to make.

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Sara: It has, and I keep

just enjoying that feeling.

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It hasn't dissipated.

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There wasn't just a moment

of Oh, that's really good.

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Like every time I go to edit an episode,

every time I go to listen or do or

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think about it, I get that same like

satisfactory, like, that is really good.

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And I completely agree.

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And I know I've tooted my own

horn to you and I'm getting

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better at tooting my own horn.

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I'm really not great at it.

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But when I listened to the

podcast, like on my podcast player.

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Completely as a listener, not as

an editor, not as a, the host.

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When I listen, I'm like, wow,

this is really good advice.

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Lacey: Yeah, Sara, there is a reason

why when we started talking about this

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before we ever came up with No Shame

in the Home Game or anything like that,

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that I was like, Sara, this is bigger.

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We need to do something.

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And it's to hear you talk, about

everything and bringing it down to one.

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I just, you're magic.

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I am so glad that you have gotten

just a little bit of that out of this.

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Sara: I have, and a funny side note.

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So along with the wallpaper was me

completely gutting my office and

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emptying every drawer and every closet

and everything, and I've just totally

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thrown it all up into my hallway.

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And I had this moment of

frustration of Oh, all this stuff.

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And, Oh, I got to process all this.

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And, Oh, but I also want

to do that other project.

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And I actually had this moment of

almost like split identity where I

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was like, I need Sara from no shame

in the home game to step in here.

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I was being Sara, me, as a householder.

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And I was like, okay, what would

Sara from No Shame say to me?

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I would say to myself, focus

on one project at a time.

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It'll all happen.

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You can't do too many things.

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And I was like, oh,

that feels really good.

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So I'll have to say, I still

have lessons to learn too.

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Like I'm still doing all these

steps myself, which I appreciate.

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Lacey: we all, I personally think

everyone needs some Sara in their life.

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So I get it.

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Even Sara needs Sara.

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Sara: Even Sara

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needs Sara.

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Yes, that's so true.

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That is so true.

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I want to ask you what from season

two, can you put your finger on

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a moment or a saying, is there

anything that you think of, or is

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it just in totality as a package?

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Lacey: I think so season two, is a

little bit different for me because

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I don't have a relationship with

anybody in any of our participants.

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Whereas last season.

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Alex is one of my dearest friends.

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I was one of the participants, and so

this season, a big takeaway for me is

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the ability to have that connection with

somebody and see your story in theirs.

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So I think about, Two,

two things come to mind.

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One with Teresa, when she was talking

about doing things and I just had this

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moment where I'm like, Oh my gosh, I see

myself in Teresa and I need to tell Teresa

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what I need to hear, which is there's no

right way to do this, that kind of stuff.

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And then to hear her say back

to me, I needed to hear that.

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I think about that regularly.

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I just think that, and that moment

of similarity and, really one of the

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biggest things that I just continue to

learn is that every time someone tells

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their story, someone else gets seen,

even if it's not their exact story,

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even if their situation's just a little

bit different, someone else feels seen.

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And that has made it infinitely easier

for me to share my own story in that,

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this will help someone somewhere.

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I don't know who it is.

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A hundred people could see it and

think it's dumb, but if one person

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sees it and thinks it's great, cool.

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And feel seen and validated.

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So I think about that.

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And then I think with Tyra, I had

another moment like that with her,

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just acknowledging how far she's

come and seeing the progress and

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that she deserves to be celebrated.

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those two moments really stand out to me.

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Sara: thank you for sharing.

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I love hearing that.

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And what you're talking about with

Teresa is actually the origin story

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of this work that I do again for the

listener who maybe hadn't heard me

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say it yet, I was in people's homes.

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The people who hired me were

generally busy working moms.

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And I kept hearing.

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These stories of shame, of

regret, of why can't I do ABC?

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Why is so and so doing this?

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And it was that, wait, we're all

feeling shame someplace or discomfort,

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but we're not talking about it.

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And that was the whole reason,

again, pulling open that curtain,

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opening up that front door.

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Let's all just admit.

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That there are some parts of this that we

don't like, that are really hard, we were

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never taught how to do, and that's exactly

why I wanted, Ooh, I just got goosebumps!

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Lacey: Yay.

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Sara: Because we all feel this,

and like you said, by being,

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by recognizing yourself in

someone else, we are connecting.

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Oh, I feel that too.

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Oh, I feel seen and heard.

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And Yes, so I agree with you, if a hundred

people hear it and one person gets to walk

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away with a little nugget of, solace, then

it's worth it because this stuff is hard.

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Lacey: So hard.

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It's so hard.

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And it's so personal.

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I think that is something else

that I've really come away with

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is like the themes are universal,

but the experience is so personal.

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And, I think about those,

Like kind of one size fits all

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solutions that are out there.

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And I'm like, Oh, that's

why this doesn't work

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it's cause it hasn't taken

a more universal approach.

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for example.

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I'm going to be doing, book

reviews, not really reviews.

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I like to think of more of those

book reports for, different

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like self help and like resource

type things that are out there.

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And I read one that's coming out soon

and it's called Modern Friendship.

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And she does a great job of the nuts

and bolts of being a friend today.

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But my one critique that really

got into me is that it is very

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much from her perspective.

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As a straight white woman who's middle

class with no kids and that, and so if

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that is how you identify yourself, Oh my

gosh, this is a great resource for you.

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Now, if you're not that, will you

be able to pull something out of it?

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Yes.

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But as you read it, as a mom and a

sick lady, I'm like, I can't do that.

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That's not realistic for me.

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I can't do that.

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and so I think that Acknowledging that

these systems in our homes and how our

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homes run and how we run our lives is so

personal to our experience and our needs.

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And that just always needs

to be at the forefront.

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And I think because it's so personal

and because the solution for so

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long has been, this is the solution,

not this could be the solution has

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really created that space for shame.

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Sara: yes, yeah.

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I'm trying to figure out how to say this.

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I've said this in different

articles I've written about,

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I understand how we got here.

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When you put the, when you look at the

pieces and you look backwards, it makes

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sense that we're at this point, but it's

also gotten so uncomfortable that we get

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To change the tide and we get to change

how it's done and it's going to be very

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uncomfortable, but the hope is the next

generation doesn't have this same type

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of discomfort and I've never thought

myself as somebody stirring the pot.

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I've always thought I'm only somebody

who gets goes along to get along.

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But I really feel like this is,

revolution is a strong word.

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It makes me think of the military.

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What's like a, what's

like an easier word than

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Lacey: Uh, a movement, if you will.

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Sara: Oh my gosh.

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Gosh, it's a movement.

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Damn it.

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It was right there.

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This is a

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movement and I'm so happy

and proud to be a part of it.

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And it's very much outside

of my character, but it has,

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again, the discomfort in me.

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The discomfort and all the clients I

worked with and I do, I feel like I am up

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here with like a little sign on a little

tiny hill going, Hey everyone, guess what?

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We're all feeling really uncomfortable.

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Let's join this movement together and

change shit because it really sucks.

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Lacey: Well, and I think too, what

you just said about, making it better

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for the next generation, I think

that's something that we tackled with

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Ashley's story of her figuring out

how to take her organizational skills

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and her methods, but empowering her

children to have the same outcome, but

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not necessarily the exact same way.

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Sara: Absolutely.

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And even with Teresa and there's been

so many messages cause Teresa and I IRL.

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It sounds really weird coming out of my

mouth because it's not like in real life

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We're friends and so I get an abundance

of messages from Teresa highlighting

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how much this has impacted her life

as a mom as Raising her daughter and

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teaching her and they're learning about

the food recipes together Learning about

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all these things together and just like

you said, yeah, hopefully when Shannon's

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running her own house It's gonna be so

much easier for her to put these You

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Building blocks together and not go

through, it's like we're carrying forward

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this story from the previous generation

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unknowingly, that's how I see it and

we, we get to make a conscious change.

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If it's uncomfortable.

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For some people, it's not.

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That's fine too.

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, I'm not trying to say everyone

has to do it this way, but yeah,

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it's oh, it doesn't feel good.

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Okay, it's going to take some energy

and input, but we can change the way

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we think about this and do things.

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And go forward.

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And again, I always say thank you to

our participants and I'll say it again.

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I'm so thankful that they were

willing to share their discomfort

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with the world because that's a brave

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thing to do.

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Lacey: Yeah.

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Sara: I always, I go back to Jenny Lawson,

the author, known as the blog S and when

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I read her book, furiously happy, and she

talked about her mental health journey

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and She was willing to really share some

uncomfortable things that happened to her.

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And in doing so, she's helped so many

people, including me, but she had to be

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brave enough to share that discomfort.

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And just like you said in the

beginning, that's where the magic is.

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Lacey: Magic.

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Yep.

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I also want to share two takeaways

that have tangible takeaways that

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have transformed my household.

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Sara: I'm so excited.

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I'm on the edge of my

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seat.

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Lacey: The salad drawer idea of Teresa's.

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I have taken it and I've worked

with it a little bit over time,

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but it helped me and Joe realize

like we both love a big old salad.

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And so what we have made that

one of our, low effort dinners.

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We get a bag salad.

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That's nice and fancy.

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We cook some chicken breast.

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The kids get a deconstructed version of

the salad and then we have a big salad

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and it was an easy, easy, easy dinner.

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And I'm on my own journey right

now of trying to be as thoughtful

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with my food as possible.

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So it came to me at the right time

and it just has been So magical.

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and this is where I say I

didn't do a salad drawer, right?

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That's not what I ended up making, but

it gave me the idea to start tweaking.

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Cause for a period of time, I was

like making a chopped salad at lunch

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every day and it ended up just being

a little too much work, but it has

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really enabled us to get to this

place where I'm like, Oh, great.

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This is one of our no brainer

meals that we can always have

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when be one of our planned meals.

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Thank you for getting me

there, both Sara and Teresa.

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And the other one is, Tyra's really

changed my thought process on how

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I declutter in that I can do it.

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Just a little bit at a

time when I do things.

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and so we have a box upstairs that , as

I'm folding kids clothes, if I know that

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piece of clothing is too small, I just set

it to the side and it gets put in the box.

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And I've recruited my husband into this.

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And so it has really made that

processing become more micro, which

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has a macro impact on our house.

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Sara: I'm actually writing

down notes because I love some

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of the stuff you're saying.

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Micro input for macro

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change.

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And I love what you said about the

low effort dinner and that's that

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variation of good, better, best.

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But I actually like, low effort better

because that reflects on how much

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effort, how much do I have left to give?

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I know you don't like spoons.

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You like to think of

it as how much is in my

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account.

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It's like, how much effort is left

in your account by dinnertime?

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Uh, not a lot.

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I need a low effort meal.

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And I'm going to say salad drawer

has actually influenced me as

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well.

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I forgot how much I love,

I just kind of forgot.

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God, and so I make up this base

and I shred up purple cabbage.

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I love purple cabbage and I shred

it up real small and then I shred

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up some carrots for color And then

I chopped up some different types

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of lettuces So I always have that

base ready to go and it only lasts a

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few days But like I'll do a big batch.

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So I've actually been eating

a lot more salads, too

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Lacey: I think another part of it that,

and I'm not sure why this changed my

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thought process of it, of salad can be

easy and it also doesn't have to be.

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Like the healthiest salad in the world.

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Like it's still a good meal.

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if I enjoy it.

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So yeah.

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Do we have a bag Caesar salad with

the full fat dressing and as much

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cheese as possible and croutons?

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Heck yeah, we do.

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But we made it and we enjoyed it.

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And guess who didn't

go out and get a meal?

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I just, I think that mentality too, of

it doesn't have to be the perfect salad.

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It just has to be.

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a salad that I enjoy eating.

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Sara: Yeah, you find your

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entry point and then you can

do variations from there.

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Absolutely.

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And that's, that is beautiful.

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And I love that.

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And I like what you said to

you about the micro input.

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I too was listening to Tyra's episode.

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And I too was prompted because again, in

my office, I decided to empty everything.

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And I too felt overwhelmed.

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Again, sometimes I need,

Host Sara to help home Sara.

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And I too was like, Oh

no, just look at an item.

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Do I want to use this?

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Yes or no?

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And then I did.

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I had to break it down for myself

and remind myself like, Oh, just have

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a pile of all these donation items.

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so I also have been processing

and remembering too.

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Cause I love that Tyra is in

a different place in her life

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with her kids being grown.

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And it's remembering that stuff piles up.

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And you can process it as you go, or you

can process it later on down the road,

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but at some point it gets to be processed.

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And that's a choice.

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And nobody can tell you which one's the

right one for you, but you get to decide.

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do you want to do a little bit

of processing every day, or

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Lacey: I know

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Sara: wait until it's all piled

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up?

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Lacey: poor mother is trying to process

all of her children's stuff in her house.

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Every once I get a message,

do you want any of this stuff?

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And the answer's no, I don't.

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And I don't want to go through it

because if I go through it, then I'm

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going to have imaginary ties to it.

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That if I haven't remembered it, I

haven't lived at home in over 15 years.

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, I'm not going to use it.

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I'm not going to keep it.

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I do have a memory box that

has traveled with me from our

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houses and that kind of stuff.

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And so I've just decided if I

think it's important enough to

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put in there, then that's it.

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That's enough.

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Sara: I'm going to put a

call out to the universe.

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I would love for one of our experts

in between seasons to be somebody

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who works with emotional attachment

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to items.

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Lacey: Interesting.

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Sara: by the decision making process

we all go through consciously

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or unconsciously about keeping

things and why some people can

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get rid of things very easily.

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Why some people hang on to and

what's that thing I've heard about.

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There's a phrase for this.

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I think I read about it in

Marie Kondo's book where.

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Like your mom's doing.

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Like instead of just getting rid

of it, she's do you want this?

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Like it's easier to hand it

off to somebody you know.

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, what is that?

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We all do it.

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I do it.

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. And especially when a family member

passes away too, and there's so much.

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I want to talk to somebody who that is

what they work with and I've actually

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read articles There is something some

people \ their brain is wired in such

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a way We're getting rid of an item that

has emotion is actually like physically

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:

uncomfortable to them because to them

That memory is actually in the item.

376

:

There's something to do with the

wiring I've read two articles about

377

:

it and was very fascinated So it's a

different process for those people.

378

:

and you see it a lot with the hoarding

mentality, but there is actually

379

:

something going on in their brain.

380

:

, I'm just,

381

:

Lacey: I will say part of the reason

why my mom is doing it is because

382

:

she lost her mom last year and they

went through a whole bunch of stuff

383

:

and she has openly said, I don't

want you guys to have to do that.

384

:

And I'm like, first of all,

Carolyn, you're not allowed to die.

385

:

Please stop.

386

:

But, but I get it cause they, they also

have a big house that they've kept because

387

:

they have grandchildren and people that

come to stay with them, they have a pool.

388

:

It's, it's a homestead

for us at this point.

389

:

And it is completely full with our stuff

that she's been asking us to go through.

390

:

So it isn't her responsibility.

391

:

So a lot of this stuff,

it's my responsibility.

392

:

once again, I've put that on Carolyn.

393

:

Sorry, mom.

394

:

I love you.

395

:

Sara: We all have to, we all get to do it.

396

:

We all get to decide how we do it.

397

:

Lacey: for

398

:

sure.

399

:

And I will say it's made me think forward

of how do I want to save my children's

400

:

stuff in a way that feels good to me?

401

:

Cause I don't have a good

answer yet, but I have been

402

:

thinking about it.

403

:

Mhm.

404

:

Sara: Thinking back to highlights from

season two, what I appreciated about

405

:

Tyra is that I evolve how I do this

work, the more I do it because the more

406

:

I learn and every client is different.

407

:

And with Tyra, I really enjoyed that she

was willing to go through the emotional

408

:

part because that was the unlocking.

409

:

And Tyra actually left me a message

like last week about this big

410

:

aha moment she had that unlocked

even another layer for her.

411

:

Yeah.

412

:

But she was stuck, like nothing was going

to happen until she faced this emotional

413

:

block and now it's just clicking.

414

:

And I always knew there was an emotional

piece with everyone when we do the work.

415

:

But she really crystallized that for me,

that, and it's not always, with Ashley,

416

:

it was very much just perfunctory, the,

the steps, it was not an emotional block,

417

:

she knew exactly what she wanted to be

418

:

done, and so that's great too, and

that's always a part of it, and even

419

:

for Teresa, she came in with that heavy

420

:

weight, could you feel it with Teresa

and Tyra, that first meeting, And I don't

421

:

know if the listeners can sense it as

much because it's just audio, but when

422

:

we're doing video and we can see the

person, the way they talk is heavy and the

423

:

sentences are a little bit more clipped.

424

:

And when they, when there's a relaxation,

there's just, the body is relaxed.

425

:

The conversation flows a little bit

differently, but yeah, there's this cloak

426

:

of like, I'm still trying to pretend

like nothing's wrong, like everything's

427

:

okay because I don't really want to

admit how much it's uncomfortable.

428

:

Lacey: my, my moment that I am

thinking of with Teresa in episode two,

429

:

where I'm like, hey, can I chime in?

430

:

I, that was one of the first time,

cause you've mentioned that before, Oh,

431

:

you've changed the way you've changed.

432

:

That's the first time I was like,

Oh, her entire being just changed

433

:

when she was talking about these

expectations that she has for herself.

434

:

There's something there.

435

:

And that was the first time I was able to

really see it in action, and call it out.

436

:

So I'm learning things too.

437

:

Sara: We're all learning!

438

:

Lacey: so I'm a

communication person, right?

439

:

Communication's my thing.

440

:

I talk to people, I'm usually

very intensely paying attention.

441

:

So I would have thought that would

have been something that I noticed.

442

:

but now it has become something that I'm

clued in a bit more on and to say Hey.

443

:

you changed when you did that.

444

:

What can you, do you know

what's going on there?

445

:

Sara: Well, and I think that's,

really important about when I ask

446

:

people about their origin story.

447

:

I'm not trying to be a

secret psycho stalker.

448

:

I don't want to know all of your like

deepest, darkest secrets, but I think

449

:

it helps when Teresa's origin story,

there was very much this different

450

:

mentality of her parents generation

of how the mom was, quote unquote,

451

:

supposed to be in the kitchen.

452

:

And even

453

:

Tyra.

454

:

she was very clear about her mom

saying, clean as you go, clean as you

455

:

go, oh, you're not very clean, are you?

456

:

There was very much some

stuff from that origin story.

457

:

And that's what's embedded in our

emotional DNA that we get to examine.

458

:

I think I always tell the story about my

friend who was really hard on herself for

459

:

not having freshly prepared homemade meals

every night on the table for her family,

460

:

because that's what she grew up with.

461

:

But she works two days out of the home.

462

:

She has three kids.

463

:

Her husband often travels

for a week at a time.

464

:

And her kids are going to all these

different activities and I'm like,

465

:

but that doesn't, that's not the same.

466

:

you can't compare those two, but

she had this expectation because

467

:

that's what she saw growing up.

468

:

I was like, yeah, but you're,

again, going back to that,

469

:

everyone's situation's different.

470

:

you don't have the, do that on Sunday

when you're not working or traveling.

471

:

don't think about doing that on

the day you worked 10 hours out

472

:

of the house and you've got to get

to these two different activities.

473

:

Come on.

474

:

Those are serial nights.

475

:

let's be honest.

476

:

We all have serial nights.

477

:

Lacey: Yeah.

478

:

Are you doing this for the outcome

or are you doing it because you

479

:

feel like you need to do the task?

480

:

Sara: that is so key.

481

:

Yeah.

482

:

Are you doing it because, yeah,

how it looks and how it feels, man.

483

:

cause it looks like you're performing

the way your parents did or because

484

:

it feels like this is what works

for you and your sanity and how much

485

:

effort you have left in your account.

486

:

Yeah.

487

:

Yeah.

488

:

Lacey: Yes.

489

:

Sara: I feel I really

feel like I'm growing too.

490

:

not, again, two different Saras.

491

:

Who's Sara?

492

:

I feel like I'm getting

better with every client I

493

:

Lacey: Well, let's just say kudos to

Sara for each of the participants.

494

:

She did a solo episode and I

am so proud of you because.

495

:

I don't think you would have felt like

you would be able to do that last year.

496

:

I you

497

:

Sara: thank you Yes.

498

:

Technology kudos.

499

:

I accept those wholeheartedly.

500

:

Lacey is our tech department.

501

:

She is everything IT.

502

:

That is not me.

503

:

And yeah.

504

:

And then also growing as home, Sara, like

relaxing on, I still carry that shame and

505

:

those expectations and all those things.

506

:

And I still feel like.

507

:

I'm growing, which I appreciate as well.

508

:

And I love Lacey.

509

:

When you tell me things that you've

learned, there was a moment where

510

:

you said something about home CEO

and what, how it has helped you.

511

:

And I was like, really?

512

:

And you're like, yes.

513

:

And I'm like, Oh, this

really helps people.

514

:

Like I was truly shocked, but I mean,

glad, that's why we're doing it.

515

:

But then to actually get that

connection and that feedback.

516

:

Feedback.

517

:

I was like, Oh, wow.

518

:

It really helped her household.

519

:

Lacey: I, yes, all the time, literally

you have, we work on a project and I,

520

:

I've really been rethinking my meal

prep because we just redid the 10 steps

521

:

to, meal planning and I, it has been

making me noodle our, how we do things.

522

:

And so literally I told Joe the

other night, I'm like, we're going

523

:

to write down our non negotiable.

524

:

Like easy meals and we're gonna,

we're gonna start having a system.

525

:

And I even have been building

something in Notion to even do that.

526

:

And I showed it to Joe the other night

and he's like, why aren't we using this?

527

:

I'm like, yeah, I know.

528

:

Right.

529

:

I have a lot of tweaks to

make, but thank you for you to

530

:

say that is a big deal to me.

531

:

Sara: okay.

532

:

Okay.

533

:

I'm all a flutter people.

534

:

If you could see me, I'm

535

:

Lacey: You are.

536

:

Sara: I love, don't get me wrong.

537

:

One is not higher than the other.

538

:

They're two different

categories of appreciation.

539

:

I love that Lacey is utilizing it

and it's making her life easier.

540

:

But to know that Joe said that I'm

going to be in the clouds all day long.

541

:

That Joe, practical, no holds barred Joe,

I say what's exactly on my mind, Joe.

542

:

Lacey: Yeah.

543

:

Sara: that packs a punch,

544

:

people.

545

:

Lacey: It does.

546

:

Why are we

547

:

Sara: that?

548

:

Oh, and I will tell you again with

Teresa and the food stuff, we still

549

:

going back and forth and some of the

frustrations, and I don't know if

550

:

it was in episode three or not, but

I mentioned a communication center.

551

:

Because I said, like, why is this,

does your family even know what

552

:

time dinner is or how they can help?

553

:

And she's been sending me pictures.

554

:

She's been using the communication center.

555

:

Healthy snacks and she'll list them.

556

:

Dinner is gonna be this at this time.

557

:

And like she started using it

too to say, if her husband's

558

:

working out of the office.

559

:

Or out of town and if her daughter

has some activity, so now everyone's

560

:

on the same page and there's

not that mist of confusion.

561

:

I'm hungry.

562

:

When are we eating?

563

:

Where is everyone?

564

:

and she's this has really been helpful.

565

:

And I'm so excited that again, I'm like,

Oh my gosh, yes, this is helping people.

566

:

Lacey: Yeah, she's giving up

that gatekeeper, role and giving

567

:

other people keys to get in so

she doesn't have to be there.

568

:

Sara: Again, home CEO.

569

:

We don't have to do it all.

570

:

We got, we get to like share, hold all

of this information and the process

571

:

with everyone else in the house.

572

:

Lacey: Agreed.

573

:

This stuff is magic.

574

:

Sara: We've been putting out a lot of joy.

575

:

Lacey is giving out very

specific compliments to people

576

:

on threads and Instagram.

577

:

And it's beautiful.

578

:

And she's been sharing so

much joy and getting joy.

579

:

And I've been getting joy.

580

:

And yeah, this season two has

brought me so much joy and

581

:

there's so much magic and joy.

582

:

And I feel like I just want to have a

bag of it and I can just sprinkle it.

583

:

I'm like, come on everyone,

feel the joy, feel the magic.

584

:

Lacey: so joy ripples is something

that you already had before we

585

:

started the joyful support movement.

586

:

And it really is the goal

of everything that we do.

587

:

The idea is that if your life

can be a little bit easier,

588

:

you can have more room for joy.

589

:

And then you go out into the world

with that joy and give it to somebody

590

:

else and they give it to somebody else.

591

:

And I just.

592

:

I, in the past three weeks have

seen our joy ripples be rippling.

593

:

It makes me so happy.

594

:

It makes me so happy.

595

:

Literally one of the people I

hyped on threads was like, he

596

:

like summarized the joyful support

movement and the joy ripple.

597

:

And I think I tagged you in the post.

598

:

I was like, Oh, this is exactly what

my business partner and I are doing.

599

:

It's called the joyful support movement.

600

:

And that's why we're doing it.

601

:

Sara: I I love that.

602

:

I'm so happy.

603

:

And I have to give credit, the

Joy Ripple, Teresa and I mentioned

604

:

our friend and coach, Erin.

605

:

It started with her.

606

:

When I was working with her,

trying to figure out the work I

607

:

was doing, why I was doing it.

608

:

She actually, transformational coach.

609

:

And she was the center

of the Joy Ripple for me.

610

:

She's like, I want every woman to be

doing exactly what they want to be doing

611

:

in life and feel empowered and confident.

612

:

So that then they can turn

around and help somebody else.

613

:

And I was like, yeah, I love that.

614

:

So she's the center of my Joy Ripple.

615

:

And then I came off of her.

616

:

And then I've been spreading,

and then spreading it to you.

617

:

And then, if we can all just

ripple out 1 percent of joy.

618

:

Yeah, I've always been like overly,

not, Oh, I'm not going to criticize.

619

:

I was going to say overly

optimistic, but that's not right.

620

:

I've always had this nugget

inside of me of that.

621

:

if we're all just a little

bit kinder, I gave a high

622

:

school speech at my graduation.

623

:

And do you know the starfish story?

624

:

So for listeners, you don't

know the starfish parable.

625

:

There was this old man and this little

kid on this beach and there were all

626

:

these starfish that had washed up and

the tide was going out and the little

627

:

child was picking up the starfish and

throwing it back into the water and

628

:

then you take another step and throw

another one in the water and the old

629

:

man came up and said, I don't know why

you're doing that, you can't possibly

630

:

save them all and the child picked one

up and threw it in the water and said,

631

:

I don't know why you're doing that.

632

:

But I saved that one.

633

:

that was my whole graduation

speech was just that optimistic,

634

:

let's just do what we can.

635

:

We don't, it's not

about a hundred percent.

636

:

It's just do what you can and

put it out there in the world.

637

:

And I'm so excited that we're doing that.

638

:

Lacey: I had this moment yesterday,

because I was making Jill do my,

639

:

hype and compliment videos with me.

640

:

And I just had this moment where I was

like, he probably thinks I'm so silly

641

:

that this is this is me doing work today.

642

:

Like this, I have made this part

of my work, To Get this out in

643

:

the world because it's meeting

the goals of our organization,

644

:

like all these different things.

645

:

and then I had this moment where I was

like, Oh my gosh, I get to do this.

646

:

Oh, I made this my job.

647

:

She's not making that much money yet,

but Hey, it's my job and I like it.

648

:

Sara: I had the same thing.

649

:

My husband was asking me what I was doing

today, and I was like, I'm going on a walk

650

:

with my friend, and then I'm recording

with Lacey, and yeah, I had that thing

651

:

in my head, like, where you put things in

652

:

buckets, and I was like, it's in

the work bucket, but it's really in

653

:

the, like, this is filling my cup

bucket, and I was like, that's so

654

:

weird, they're in the same bucket.

655

:

Lacey: absolutely.

656

:

Absolutely.

657

:

Sara: It's beautiful.

658

:

I do want to give a personal

shout out to one of our listeners.

659

:

Mr.

660

:

Jim, he's my friend.

661

:

He has been listening to

our podcast, even though.

662

:

It's not, he's not our typical

demographic, but he is such a supporter

663

:

and such a friend, and he's been

listening, and he actually knows Teresa.

664

:

So that's been like a fun little, we

all used to live in the same town.

665

:

I almost said city.

666

:

It's Such a town.

667

:

It's such a small town.

668

:

and so he's been listening

while he walks in the morning.

669

:

And I just want to say, thank

you, Jim, for being a supporter.

670

:

Oh, and he actually has a live

concert on YouTube tonight and

671

:

I'm going to be watching him.

672

:

Yes.

673

:

I'm

674

:

very

675

:

Lacey: a gym.

676

:

Sara: some, he's a lifelong

musician and photographer

677

:

And I think it's bringing him joy, even

though he's not our target audience,

678

:

Lacey: I mean, we are delightful though.

679

:

So

680

:

Sara: that, that is true.

681

:

I'm not gonna argue with that.

682

:

Lacey: no argument.

683

:

No, that's just a fact.

684

:

We're allowed to say, objective

facts and that's one of them.

685

:

Thank you.

686

:

Sara: Oh my gosh, everyone, if you

come hang out with us in Joyful

687

:

Support Movement, it's a lot of this.

688

:

You're gonna get a lot of this.

689

:

You get to share not only the things

that are going on in your life that

690

:

are not pleasant, you get to just

get delightful comments like this

691

:

Lacey: You can also vote on whether

a hot dog is a sandwich or not.

692

:

Sara: Gross.

693

:

I don't know who said yes to

694

:

Lacey: It was me and me and my mom.

695

:

Sara: Are you

696

:

serious on that?

697

:

How is it a

698

:

Lacey: How is it not?

699

:

It's bread surrounding, meat specifically.

700

:

And there,

701

:

Sara: Is a hamburger a

702

:

sandwich?

703

:

It's its own thing.

704

:

Lacey: it's a subset.

705

:

So not all hamburger, wait, no,

not all sandwiches are hamburgers,

706

:

but all hamburgers are sandwiches.

707

:

Sara: Okay, so I love sayings like that,

so now I don't feel as angry, and now

708

:

I'm gonna have to ponder my stance.

709

:

Lacey: what I want you to do is go Google,

it's called the sandwich alignment chart.

710

:

Okay.

711

:

so the two accesses are, like composition.

712

:

So how it's made and then

the other one's ingredients.

713

:

And like each box is a little bit

of each of the, like each of those.

714

:

And I am almost completely chaotic.

715

:

I just can't get to the point

where I say a Pop Tart is a

716

:

sandwich, but I almost get there.

717

:

taco, choco, taco, whatever that is.

718

:

Is that a sandwich?

719

:

Sara: I don't know.

720

:

So when I get really mad in my

house, I talk really quietly

721

:

and calmly because I'm so mad.

722

:

I want to, when you said I can't

get on board with a Pop Tart being

723

:

a sandwich, the thought of a Pop

Tart being a sandwich made me want

724

:

to burn everything to the ground.

725

:

That shouldn't be a sentence that exists.

726

:

Lacey: it really all depends on your

criteria and that's why I love these

727

:

kinds of conversations because you

get to see other people's criteria.

728

:

Some people, the

ingredients are important.

729

:

A sandwich is made up of meat,

cheeses, vegetables, lettuce,

730

:

between two slices of bread.

731

:

But then you, and then you can

start going and be like, so an ice

732

:

cream sandwich is not a sandwich.

733

:

Cause it's not those ingredients.

734

:

and then you can go the other way

where it's is a taco a sandwich because

735

:

it's those ingredients between two

pieces of, not between the, I will

736

:

say someone said they're like level

is the bun part or the same, if that's

737

:

connected, it is no longer a sandwich.

738

:

Sara: I was just thinking about

739

:

pita pockets,

740

:

Lacey: I would still call that a sandwich.

741

:

in

742

:

spirit, is a sandwich that

743

:

. Sara: I was going to say I'm comfortable

with using the phrase sandwich adjacent.

744

:

So I'm, I love these conversations too

because they're so inconsequential.

745

:

It doesn't matter, but I

love debating something that

746

:

doesn't matter because it's fun

747

:

and it's,

748

:

hopefully not going to hurt

749

:

Lacey: you get to see

people's thought processes.

750

:

it's the same thing of,

is our instructions rules.

751

:

That's butted heads on our instructions.

752

:

Sara: to talk really quietly and calmly

so I don't break anything in my office.

753

:

That is more, okay, that actually is

more reflective of how I enjoy rules.

754

:

They make me feel comforted.

755

:

Lacey: I do too.

756

:

I do too.

757

:

Sara: No, you do not like to be

758

:

Lacey: Well, I don't like to be

told what to do, but I like rules.

759

:

See those are two different things to me.

760

:

So rules are something

that we all have to follow.

761

:

It gives order and structure.

762

:

Telling me what to do is

me having to do something.

763

:

Those are two different things in my mind.

764

:

Sara: Okay, so the manual says.

765

:

In order for this structure to stand, you

have to put these screws in this location.

766

:

But you're saying that's not a rule?

767

:

That's just like a suggestion?

768

:

Lacey: If I don't do it, I'm

not going to get in trouble.

769

:

Sara: oh, okay.

770

:

This is the crux.

771

:

The consequence.

772

:

Oh, so to me the consequence

is, if you don't put the screws

773

:

there, the structure won't

774

:

Lacey: You don't know that.

775

:

How do you know that.

776

:

Sara: Hold it up to take a drink of water.

777

:

Lacey: Oh, you remember in the beginning

where we talked about our two approaches

778

:

to things, I think we're seeing

that come together in another place.

779

:

Sara: It's so funny, I usually feel

like Lacey is like contemporary, but in

780

:

this moment of discussing rules, I feel

very maternal, and I feel like you're

781

:

being a child who's like being sassy.

782

:

I feel like I'm dealing with Iris

783

:

right now, you're like, it doesn't

784

:

Lacey: I yes.

785

:

She's the kid that I'm

like, don't lay there.

786

:

And so then she'll lay right next

to where I told her not to lay.

787

:

She's I'm not laying there.

788

:

And I'm like, geez, you, that was not

the spirit of what I asked you to do.

789

:

So yes,

790

:

Sara: That's not the

spirit of what I asked you

791

:

to

792

:

Lacey: she's going to be a little

lawyer, but truly some, something

793

:

could still function if you put

in the screw in a different way.

794

:

So again, that's where I say, not a rule.

795

:

It is.

796

:

the way those people designed

it to be made for sure, but

797

:

that doesn't make it a rule.

798

:

Sara: Okay.

799

:

Okay.

800

:

I'm warming up.

801

:

I'm, I am, I'm adapting a growth mindset

and I am loosening, I'm not saying I

802

:

agree, but I am saying I'm willing to

view this differently and try it on.

803

:

Lacey: think as I'm saying

this, there is an element of

804

:

rules impact more than just you.

805

:

Rules impact other people.

806

:

And so if you don't follow the rules,

it's going to impact somebody else.

807

:

this is for me particularly, whereas.

808

:

Instructions.

809

:

If I don't follow the

instructions, that's on me, man.

810

:

Yeah, I did that.

811

:

That's a choice I made.

812

:

Now, will somebody get hurt

if a chair falls apart?

813

:

Yes.

814

:

But again, it wasn't that I specifically

did something that caused them harm or,

815

:

Sara: Okay.

816

:

Okay.

817

:

Yeah.

818

:

I'm

819

:

warming up.

820

:

I'm warming up to seeing

things differently.

821

:

Lacey: Instructions are best practices.

822

:

They're not rules.

823

:

Sara: I can actually get

824

:

behind that.

825

:

Mhm.

826

:

Mhm.

827

:

Sara: Okay.

828

:

I am in agreement.

829

:

Lacey: Did I just change your mind?

830

:

Sara: You did.

831

:

And this goes back to how much I've

learned from you about communication.

832

:

And how words can take

on different meanings in

833

:

different contexts to different people.

834

:

I was actually just talking to Sara.

835

:

We were discussing pops of joy

and different questions to ask.

836

:

And I was even saying to her with

some people, maybe you don't use the

837

:

word joy with them because maybe

that word means something different.

838

:

We talked about how gratitude is the

cousin of joy, and I said, Oh yeah,

839

:

I've learned so much from Lacey about

how important communication is and what

840

:

you're saying and how you're saying it.

841

:

And so it comes back to that.

842

:

Lacey: communication is at

the foundation of everything.

843

:

Sara: it is.

844

:

And I am, I am understanding

that in so many

845

:

ways.

846

:

Lacey: we do need to do

what we're grateful for.

847

:

Speaking of.

848

:

Gratitude is the cousin of joy.

849

:

Sara: Would you like to start?

850

:

Or do you want me to start?

851

:

Lacey: I have too much in my mind.

852

:

Isn't that beautiful?

853

:

Sara: You can never have too

854

:

Lacey: But that I cannot pick just one.

855

:

That's how grateful I

am feeling right now.

856

:

Sara: But how meta is

857

:

that?

858

:

That is your joy.

859

:

Your thankful, your moment of

gratitude is I have so much to be

860

:

thankful for, I can't pick just

861

:

one.

862

:

That is

863

:

beautiful.

864

:

Lacey: I'm thankful.

865

:

Yesterday was Joe and I's

anniversary and we got to spend

866

:

a little extra time together.

867

:

I'm thankful for our eight

years of marriage and , our

868

:

kids that came out of it.

869

:

I'm thankful for the advice

people gave us on our wedding day.

870

:

I recorded a video about that

and I, it's a video I cried in.

871

:

So that's fun.

872

:

I'm thankful my parents,

this is a fun one.

873

:

So my brother had a lawnmower that

caught on fire and My parents ended

874

:

up taking it and fixing it and

they brought it to us yesterday.

875

:

So now we have a riding lawnmower

that we didn't have before.

876

:

So thankful for that.

877

:

We did literally nothing for it again.

878

:

Cannot sing Bob and

Carolyn's praises enough.

879

:

Sara: I'm actually tempted to move to

Ohio just to be closer to Bob and Carolyn.

880

:

That is how strongly I feel about

881

:

Lacey: Yeah.

882

:

I'm thankful for, my son had his

kindergarten evaluation yesterday

883

:

and he was so excited about

starting school and it went well.

884

:

I just, I, there is so much I'm

thankful for right now and grateful for.

885

:

I didn't even get into all of my joy,

compliments and hyping either the amount

886

:

of joy and gratitude I have for that.

887

:

Whew.

888

:

Sara: Those are fun.

889

:

People listening, if you want a

five minute like happiness bump, go

890

:

check out Lacey Shares on Threads.

891

:

I loved reading how happy people were

getting that you were just doing it.

892

:

And it is just, it's so joyful.

893

:

It's just pure, clean joy.

894

:

Unadulterated joy.

895

:

I am thankful.

896

:

I took a walk with my

friend this morning and.

897

:

Because I really like

structure and organization.

898

:

I've thought about my life

in three compartments.

899

:

I have my work compartment.

900

:

I have my home compartment, which

is really me being a wife and a mom.

901

:

And then I have my personal

department, which is me as an

902

:

individual, not as a wife or a mom.

903

:

And I've realized that in my week,

and I can do this now that my child is

904

:

older and more independent, but I've

realized I need all three of those.

905

:

To be balanced.

906

:

So I've been making a very

intentional choice every week to

907

:

do something that's just for me.

908

:

It has nothing to do with managing

my home, nothing to do with work.

909

:

so taking a walk with my friend has been

one of those choices and, Oh, it's just,

910

:

it's like that pressure release valve.

911

:

It just feels so good to do

something that's just for me.

912

:

So that is, My gratitude.

913

:

And then actually, like I said, doing

this recording with you, it's the

914

:

work bucket, but it's also for me.

915

:

So it's double dipping.

916

:

Oh, I

917

:

Lacey: Heck yeah.

918

:

That's I like to think of that as

being strategic with your time.

919

:

You're getting more out of your time.

920

:

Look at you.

921

:

Productivity.

922

:

Sara: thankful.

923

:

And as soon as we get our sponsorships

rolling and We will, because We will,

924

:

then we'll be getting paid just to have

awesome conversations, which is the dream.

925

:

Lacey: Ah, yes.

926

:

Sara: it's

927

:

the dream.

928

:

And so let's do a call out to the

universe sponsors who want to sponsor joy.

929

:

And if you don't want to sponsor joy,

930

:

Lacey: What are you doing?

931

:

Sara: What are you doing?

932

:

Lacey: Sounds like a bad move.

933

:

PR move to me.

934

:

Sara: it's like when politicians

name a bill, something that seems

935

:

like you would, if you voted no

against that bill, you're somehow

936

:

like the worst person in the world.

937

:

How could you not want to sponsor joy?

938

:

what's, come on.

939

:

What is your mission statement

if you don't want to sponsor joy?

940

:

Lacey: feel like maybe

insurance companies.

941

:

Actually, no, if they sponsor

joy, less accidents will happen

942

:

probably, and they will less payout.

943

:

yep.

944

:

Yep.

945

:

Sara: I'm trying to think

946

:

of companies that wouldn't

want to sponsor Joy.

947

:

We could be

948

:

Lacey: I know.

949

:

would a funeral home want to sponsor joy?

950

:

Sara: The funeral I want to have, yes.

951

:

Crying, wearing black, no.

952

:

I want to party.

953

:

Is there a party funeral home?

954

:

Lacey: I don't know, but there should be.

955

:

if people have listened to the sharing

the middle episodes with my cousin, Al,

956

:

we talk in it about how we've had so

much death in our life that I have very

957

:

clear, instructions that I've given since

it's 18 years old, I'm like, okay, rule

958

:

number one, you don't have to wear black.

959

:

What I want you to do is

wear what you feel good in.

960

:

That could be your wedding dress.

961

:

That could be your prom gown.

962

:

That could be your pajamas.

963

:

I don't care.

964

:

I want you to feel good.

965

:

Second of all, there

has to be upbeat music.

966

:

No sad music.

967

:

Nope.

968

:

Nope.

969

:

No sad music here, you know?

970

:

and, you have to tell your favorite

stories of me because I want you

971

:

all to feel good, but I still need

to be the center of attention.

972

:

Okay.

973

:

Sara: Wait, can

974

:

I do mine?

975

:

Have you seen those videos where

people are in those inflatable

976

:

dinosaur things at like funny places?

977

:

Okay.

978

:

If it's comfortable and possible,

I want everyone to wearing

979

:

some kind of dinosaur get up.

980

:

I want a DJ playing all my

favorite music, the upbeat

981

:

dance type of music.

982

:

Yeah, I want, so I want a room

full of dancing dinosaurs.

983

:

And then yes, I want people

to tell their favorite stories

984

:

about me that made them laugh.

985

:

, But then break it up with some

986

:

dancing and then come back.

987

:

so I'm like just picturing like this room

of dinosaurs, like just having a rave.

988

:

Lacey: And I just want to

say crying is still okay.

989

:

feel your

990

:

feelings.

991

:

I'm, this is not me saying, don't be

sad that I'm gone or whatever that is.

992

:

Feel your feelings.

993

:

But just do it while you're dancing

to Backstreet Boys, cause that should

994

:

be one of the songs being played.

995

:

So

996

:

Sara: way

997

:

Do you want a funeral with the

Backstreet Boys and lip syncing?

998

:

Then you want the Joyful

Support Funeral Home.

999

:

Lacey: you want a funeral?

:

00:48:57,161 --> 00:48:59,241

Sara: Damn, it was right

there the whole time.

:

00:48:59,991 --> 00:49:02,951

I can't, this is why you're

the communications expert.

:

00:49:03,701 --> 00:49:06,871

Like when I, this is a bookend at

the very beginning when I was like,

:

00:49:06,871 --> 00:49:08,051

I don't want to say revolution.

:

00:49:08,051 --> 00:49:08,741

What do I say?

:

00:49:08,741 --> 00:49:10,371

And you're like, movement?

:

00:49:11,121 --> 00:49:11,881

It was right there.

:

00:49:12,471 --> 00:49:12,601

It was so

:

00:49:12,806 --> 00:49:15,156

Lacey: Our Funeral Home

will be coming soon.

:

00:49:15,906 --> 00:49:17,056

Sara: That seems like a great

:

00:49:17,341 --> 00:49:17,921

Lacey: I do too.

:

00:49:17,961 --> 00:49:18,541

I love it.

:

00:49:18,591 --> 00:49:19,681

I love everything about it.

:

00:49:20,431 --> 00:49:21,601

Thank you, Sara.

:

00:49:22,371 --> 00:49:23,561

Sara: Thank you, Lacey.

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