Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

Join Robb and Tina as they explore the emotional and psychological impact of war on veterans, sharing personal stories, reflections, and the importance of support and healing for those who served.

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And welcome to another show of Don't Get This Twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always, Tina. How you doing, Tina?

I am dragging ass Rob. It's been a long freaking actually it's been a long like nine days. I came off my birthday sick with the flu but like this horrendous flu that caused us to have some hallucinations because my dad got sick a few hours before I did like probably about 11 hours before I did and hallucinated for three days wasn't eating wasn't drinking.

running a high fever, congestion, coughing, not wanting to eat high, high fevers though. One time I tested myself, it was 104. It was so bad that at one point I was gonna dial 911. My dad was sleeping and he was not, he wasn't really coherent. And I went to reach for my phone to dial 911, cause I was so sick and.

My phone was in the bathroom and I was in my bedroom on the bed and I just laid there and didn't even go and get it because that's how sick I was. So I didn't get to do any of my birthday plans, which sucked, but they'll be coming up soon. Well, once I'm feeling a little bit better, we'll do that. Yeah. But today we had it planned that I have a friend that

Well, that's good.

that now belongs to the VFW and he rides with this group of men that are all veterans. And he invited me and my dad to come out with my bike and ride with them escorting the Vietnam Memorial Wall that's the traveling wall from Balboa Park here in the San Fernando Valley to Pierce College.

And so we did that today. And then I talked to my friend and he ditched work and rented, we rented a slingshot. So my uncle, I told my uncle what we were going to do and then he wanted to come down. And then my aunt said, hey, teen, do you think it would be possible for your uncle to be a part of it? So rented a slingshot and took that out too. So we rode today.

With the memorial wall. It was a huge event You know, it was really cool so we go there and we're sitting at the park and we're to everybody's nice and friendly and You know, there's some and they're all veterans like it seems like everybody that's writing is a veteran and so we we got to talk to a bunch of people and There's tons of police there because they escorted all of us

And then the wall got brought from San Diego and it got brought to the park and then we all did a

We just rode with it. We basically to keep guard It was such a freaking cool event though it went through the valley it went through where I live and We went past the VA hospital. We went past a couple of schools that were out there. We went past a couple of Fire stations it was amazing people

had to stop because we didn't we didn't stop for anything. So everybody was waving and honking their horns and had little flags that they're waving. It was it was a really cool thing to be a part of today. My my uncle and my dad did not know what I was getting them into. But most of the time when I do something, it seems like people don't know exactly what's going to happen. But.

It was really, really cool to see all the bikers that were there. just, it was a good day to be American. You know what I mean? It was just one of those feel good days. But what I realized is that what it costs some of these people to be here today, like they had to fight in Vietnam and that was not a good war.

Not that war is ever good, but I mean the we weren't it wasn't a good reason for us to be there and most of the people that went were drafted and they were forced to go and

just seeing how hard it still is on veterans. And, and you know, like my dad was there in 71. He was there. He was there while I was born. He did not get to be with my mom when I was born. And my uncle was there the year before and he, he came home and he did get to be with my mom. He, he helped get her through her pregnancy with me. My mom was 19 when I was born. So

She was a kid freaking out about her husband because she got married on her 18th birthday being in Vietnam and having a baby without him. you know, she, I don't know how she did it to be honest with you, but my uncle was there and helped out and.

it looking looking at my life because I was telling my uncle today I said you know I I've asked my friends like did you know when you figured out that your dad was was kind of broken from war I've asked several friends and they they all talked about being in their teens and I could I vividly have memories at about two years old

where I realized that my dad and my uncle were broken. had experienced some horrible things, both of them, and they were both, shit.

They were both Catholic and they were both altar boys. Thank you. That's the word I'm looking for. they were both altar boys and then here they are drafted and forced to go into the Vietnam war. I don't, I don't know how you, I don't know how they got through that. I don't know how anybody gets through going through a war, being an altar boy and you know, having a

more of a blessed life. Like then nobody was rich, nobody had money or anything. But how do you go from Catholic school to carrying a rifle and shooting at people?

hard.

Yeah, very hard. So I noticed that there's struggles all these years have have

plagued their happiness and plagued their security and plagued their happy, their internal happy feelings. Like my dad said, when I came home, I was so fucked up. I didn't give a shit about anything. I would hold you and play with you and I couldn't keep my shit together. And my uncle, had to go.

into the hospital when he got out because of, for lack of better words, and I don't want to put anything in anybody's mouth, but like almost like a nervous breakdown. And what they did to him was disgusting and it didn't help. And it left him even more victimized than he ever should have been. And so, and these are two men in my family that

They're my examples of who men are and who they should be and everything. And just to see how much hurt they went through. And then the veterans today, like I was sitting with one of the guys, and he's got hand trembles that just won't stop. And poor guy's trying to eat, and both of his hands are going through it. You could tell that this was a really emotional day for people. But it was...

It was nice to see everybody coming out to show support because when these men got out of the war, they were told they were baby killers and they were ashamed and they didn't talk about it and they didn't, they just didn't have an easy time. So it was a good day today to take that wall and to see everybody like just supporting one another and

and you know it's...

It was super emotional. Like my friend, they went with us. He's not...

I call him a Sour Patch Kid because he's like, he's kind of

Or I say he's he's like a cactus like hugging a cactus like outside. He's all prickly and pissy and just You know, I don't have any problem sort of thing and then on the inside He's kind of gummy and easy to deal with but you have to get through that outer shell with him And he said he was choked up most of the day like he couldn't He couldn't Believe what we were going through because again, I didn't tell him really what to expect, but I didn't know what to expect

And then when we did it, was like, wow, T, this was like, this was an amazing day and I hope it helped the veterans that were there. But to see how everybody supported each other and were there for each other and supported this wall being brought out so that people could heal. And it talks about the wall that heals, which was kind of cool because...

My dad and my uncle never spoke of the war ever. They didn't even tell each other anything. They kept it all tightly inside and it was an unhealthy thing that they carried. And so back in 90, it was either 90 or 91 when the wall came to Ventura, I said, will you guys go with me? And the Gulf War had just started and that was all our age. You know, all the guys that we went to school with that were going to the Gulf War.

go for didn't last that long and luckily everything was done without hitting the ground and having to be hand-to-hand combat but my that's when my dad was he was kind of mad he's like what do mean these fuckers are coming home like they haven't even been gone that long and they're coming home and and they're they're heroes and there are like you know tickered ticket what do they call it ticket a parade

You know, everybody got that and he goes, I came home and wasn't even allowed to talk about it because I was a baby killer. And, and I said, dad, I'm like, these are like, these are kids that grew up in your backyard. Like I named names cause there were names of people that we were close to going to school with and that did grow up in our backyard. Did come swimming with us every day that did, you know, they were a part of our lives. So

Dad changed his mind about how he felt about how they were treated because he was right. He was like, you know, just because we were treated poorly doesn't mean we should make the next generation go through that. So that kind of started a journey for them, which was interesting. And then to come full circle and to do this ride today, it was emotional.

And it was, it was hot. It was so hot. We were pouring water over us just because the bike was so hot. It felt like it was burning our skin. So, um, I don't know. It was just a good day and I have not stopped talking. So please feel free to ask questions or jump in because all I'm doing is talking about, I don't know, just the experience of today.

Yeah, I mean, I understand where you're coming from. Look, Vietnam was its own crazy thing. Like, I'm lucky because my dad had joined the military and did his four years before it even started. So that's that's why I probably exist, right? Because a lot of people didn't come back. But when they did, I'll give you the example between like modern.

Mm-hmm.

Nice.

Mm-hmm.

Military guys and Vietnam when my little brother came home from Afghanistan They weren't yelling shit at him people came home from Vietnam and they spit on him So yeah, I think that they had their own not only did they have PTSD which didn't even have a name Well, it did it was called shell shock then Where they didn't understand and like and I'm sure your uncle who

Yeah.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

obviously had PTSD probably to a level that rivals, you know, today or really World War II. World War II was a lot of people came home with shell shock, but they were also, they got a parade and people patted them on the back and you know, it was a different kind of thing where when they came home here,

Yeah.

They were shit on and then the VA had its own issue because there were so many people coming home from Vietnam that You know had Agent Orange and like all kinds of other health issues on top of mental issues So it was its own wild thing. I mean look at you can look at the streets today and how many vets Vietnam vets are on the street Lots of them because they weren't taken care of and to be fair and

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, absolutely.

I think even modern military guys really aren't taken care of the way they should. I'm a big proponent that they should be taken care of for the rest of their lives. Like they should get a place to stay, whether it's low income housing, whatever it is, they should never be on the street if you're a veteran. And when I mean a veteran, I mean combat veteran.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Look, if you did your four years and you got out, you should be taken care of medically, but you, you know, look, you, you didn't, you weren't dodging bullets. But if you were dodging bullets, you should never ever have to do anything for yourself ever again.

Yeah.

You've you sacrificed what could have been your life for this country You should be taken care of by the country and you know people can get mad all you want but i'd rather give ebt cards to people who are in war than are just lazy pieces of shit

Yeah. Or hear people that are here illegally. Like, why is it that they're getting all this money and the vets are sleeping on the corners? I have a problem with that too.

Well, I have a huge problem with that. And that's a whole other political issue because of, you know, each side doing, you know, its own thing. Look, I think that if, again, if you've done work for this country in battle, you should be taken care of. You should never go without food. You should never go without housing. You should, and you should have mental stability.

you

Yeah.

You know, you should be. Yeah. So I can see why being a Vietnam veteran, you probably didn't talk a lot about the war. You know, most veterans combat veterans come back, they don't talk about the war anyway. Even people in World War Two who. You know. Came back heroes. Really didn't talk a lot about it because.

Yeah, never go without help.

Mm-mm.

Yeah.

They've seen so much death. You know, my little brother did two tours in Afghanistan. He was a Marine. I've never talked to him about what he did over there, ever. And he's, let's see, my little brother's 37, I think now. 37? Yeah. Somewhere around that age. I've just never asked him, just because like, look.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

So he just doesn't want to talk about it or you just have a...

Everyone I know who has taken someone's life, and I know several people, none of them are okay. They get through life, but most of them have some kind of hiding mechanism where you don't want to talk about that. I have a friend who did dirty work. When I mean dirty, he was Special Forces. He worked for Blackwater, which was a...

Mm-hmm. No.

Hmm.

which was a government funded hit group, guess would be there were mercenaries, but he worked for Delta Force first and did tons of horrible shit and then worked for Blackwater did more tons of horrible shit. And I've prodded him a little bit about what happened over there. And then he would say something to me and then I had to shut him off because I didn't want to know.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

because he's done stuff like I asked him what time like you know it's got to be hard to like shoot somebody and he goes shooting somebody is easy he's like killing someone with a knife is difficult because you see it in their face when you do it yeah and I was like

Whoa.

And I took that as he probably has killed somebody with a knife. Being in Special Forces, that's probably true. I also sent him a meme one time about waterboarding somebody with Gatorade. the only thing he said to me is, what a waste of Gatorade. And then he goes, you know what works better than Gatorade? Diesel fuel.

Mm-hmm.

dang.

And I went, oh. And he goes, no, no. And he goes, yeah, because I've done it to somebody. And I was like, OK, nope, got to stop. Because I've known him since I was 18 years old. And I see him as somebody different. And I know what war does to people and what you have to do. I don't judge him for it. I would probably do the same thing to survive. You do what you have to do to live.

shit.

Absolutely.

So, but that being said, like some things you just don't want to know. So veterans of Vietnam, I, from what I understand, lots of them came back and, and suppressed it and really held that in instead of, you know, because we didn't have the psychiatric

you know, part of the military that we have now. Like where you come back now, if you need to talk to somebody, you go to the VA and sit down. And there's a group, like a group of people that talk about whatever crazy shit, or you have your own doctor to talk to. Where then they probably had some kind of AA type group for Vietnam veterans, but they were all drinking. You know what I mean? Like they came back.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

fucked up drinking and doing drugs because I mean, I don't know about your dad, but I've heard stories about the narcotics that they did there were out of control. Like these guys were like dropping acid and, you know, smoking mind altering drugs. You know, so when you're, know, when you're on heroin or you're doing LSD and then they hand you a rifle, you probably do crazy shit.

Mm-hmm.

Yep.

So I can understand where your dad and your uncle probably didn't want to talk to anyone about it. They wanted to try to forget it. And then your dad comes home and now has a baby.

Mm-hmm.

A two month, three month old. Yeah.

So in his case, mean, as much as he was probably mentally not ready for...

Existence with the modern real world. You know, mean, yes, civilian life mostly coming from war. I heard it's bad enough coming out of the military. Like when you just you're you have a desk job. I couldn't imagine coming back after you, you know, killed as many people as you could.

civilian life.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. No, if for that's what he said. But I think that's what both of them said because they had somebody, well, they had each other and they've always been super close. They were, they were 13 maybe when they met. I don't know. Very young. It did. It forced it.

It probably helped that he had you though.

But it grounded, having children grounds you as a regular person.

Yeah, it forced them to to

Wow, what would I even say? Two.

change to

What did?

I would say that it made them prioritize their family over the nightmare that they were probably going through. Is that that was the best way, I guess the only way I could put it.

Show up.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, it it it made them have to participate in life. Basically. That's what I was trying to say my Because I I was always there that I needed attention I needed to be changed I needed to be played with and and loved but

I don't know. You know, I, I was with them, but I still to this day don't know exactly what, what heart wrenching things they were going through. You know, they, I just knew they were broken. If that makes sense. I just as a little kid knew that they weren't right. And I stayed close to them and they stayed close to me and, and I had a really good childhood with them because they,

No!

They were okay to just play with me and hang out with me and do whatever they needed to do because I think with me it didn't have to be awkward. You know what I mean? was I was a baby. What the hell do you do with her? Just play with her, you know? So so I I

I'm grateful that I had them for that and I'm grateful that I still have them. I got a patch that said, this is for the however many vets that didn't come home. And it was like 500 and something thousand, I can't remember. And my uncle, so my friend bought me some patches. He's really wanting me to.

You know, now that I'm riding bikes, he wants me to patch and I'm so not wanting to do that. But he bought me a couple of patches and, that one that says this is for the so and so many people that didn't get to come home. My uncle lost it. He read the patch and he started crying and, and he's trying to hold back cause he's, we're, we're all sitting at a bunch of tables eating our, our food and we're sitting across people that he doesn't know and that don't know him.

Excuse me. Sorry and um He he started he really started to it was emotional it was emotional all day for him and And I'm sitting there with him and I give him a hug and I'm like here. You're not there anymore You're not there and I said do you want it? Do you want me to tell you a joke and? He goes no and I said well it may it may you know get your mind off this he goes. Okay, tell me the joke

And my stupid joke was this. This is the joke that I tell people when they're hurting and they're trying to keep it together and I'm trying to get them back from where they were. I said, what does a robot do at the end of sex? And he goes, what does a robot do at the end of sex? And he goes, what? And I said, he nuts and bolts. And he started laughing and I started laughing and it got him a little bit out of what he was starting to feel.

Because I don't care if he wants to feel that or he has to go through that. He doesn't want to feel it. But if he has to go through that every day for the rest of his life, I'm fine with that. But I know that wasn't where he wanted to do it. You know what I mean? We're all having lunch, sitting across from people we don't know, just had a really good day. And he had a hard time keeping it together. But I was so grateful.

Because I found out about this on Sunday and I said, hey, dad, do you want to go and do this? And he was like, yeah. And so I called my uncle to tell him, guess what we're going to do. And he said, that sounds so cool. When is it? And I said, well, it's Tuesday. And he goes, I won't be able to make it there before Tuesday. And then my aunt texted me. goes, if I get your uncle there, can you set it up to where he could be a part of it? And I said, absolutely.

That's why we rented the sling blade so that we could go in and take him too. And so my friend ditched work and he was able to go with us and I'm so grateful because I want him to know that we don't see him as a baby killer or as somebody that couldn't keep his shit together or as somebody that has any reason at all to think bad about himself. Like this is a really wonderful, wonderful dad.

And this is what war is just done to him and it sucks. It's just shitty To see him go through this and and you know, everybody was so nice everybody was so ready to be there and to support and to just Show that they care. It was the most amazing thing I've seen in a while. I really did enjoy doing it, but I

I still look at all these men that, man, they're hurting and they don't talk. And I know the friends when they went in into the military, I have one friend that was a medic and they used to drop down in the middle of these black airstrips where they couldn't even have anything shiny. Cause if, if the other side saw the shine, they'd start shooting at it, you know? So it was this really

scary situation for what my friend to go through and We talked about it for years He he couldn't tell anybody else and and he couldn't you know He he couldn't get through it and and we would just talk and and he would call me once Once in a blue moon from these dark airstrips and say this is where I'm at Sort of this is where I'm going sort of

And I would say, I said, why are you calling? And he would always say, because I didn't think I'd ever be able to talk to my friends again. And that like blew my mind, but you know, I get chills just thinking about it, but that was his life too. And so because he opened up to me, because I could get people to open up, we had to talk about it a lot because...

Right.

He struggled with PTSD so bad it was causing problems at work, causing problems with his relationship, causing problems with everything. And he just needed to talk. And through talking about it, he was able to get over some things. Now there's things I'm sure he is never going to be able to get over. But me listening to him and just not having a reaction that was negative helped him tremendously. You know, he was able to keep a job after that.

He was able to keep a relationship after that. He, he was able to live and, to laugh again. Like I didn't see this guy smile for years, years. And I, you know, me, I could get people to talk. I could get people to laugh. I could get people to show up and have fun, but he was broken. And, we don't take time to, to look at that like we should.

We can't just send these people back and tell them go back home, go back to wherever you came from and just be normal again. Like why would that, why do people even think that that's an option? Cause it's not.

Now.

Yeah, you know, it's so difficult because they're locked in their own head. You know what I mean? That even even if you do get them to talk or chat a little, you can tell that it's very guarded.

Yes.

Super guarded, yeah.

Because here's the thing, like you can rip a bandaid off and then it's going to fuck him up more. Because.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, cuz what do you do with the festering sore that's underneath it?

Well, and then, you know, they let's say they talk about something and it doesn't matter what, you know, that things that trigger people that have been to war can be the smallest thing like a bus ride. Like, I remember taking this bus to here or I remember getting off an airplane here or, you know, there's so many things because it reminds them of losing a friend or whatever it is, you know.

Right.

Yep. Yep.

So, you you want them to be able to talk, but, you know, once they start talking, then it just opens up this door that they can't close. That's why, you know, look, at the end of this road, I think it's always, you know, finding a professional that you can talk to.

Yeah, I'm an advocate of that because of how stuffed they have to be with all of it. Like they bury it deep and they purposefully just keep pushing it down and that's got to be a horrendous way to live. It's just got to be the worst.

Yeah, it for sure. It's well, like I said, like you live in your own head regardless, like you could be you could be fine and, you know, hear something on the radio that now triggers something that's so traumatic that it bothers you for months. So.

Mm-hmm.

And look, I think that there is something to be said about remembering your fallen comrades, right? You went to war with these people and I think that that's kind of what that patch meant, You have to realize that the past happened.

Yeah.

A lot of people have survivors remorse that why did I make it back and they didn't? I see with people that I've talked to that

Yep.

That's a lot of the bigger thing. It's like, I don't understand why I make it back. like these other really good guys that I was with, none of them are alive anymore. And it's like, and I get it. Like the same thing happens for people in car wrecks, right? Where everyone in the car dies but you. And I heard, because you wonder like why, why was I the one that got to survive or whatever.

Yeah.

Yep.

When it's war, I think it's a whole other thing because there's so many people involved. You know, if you're in a car of four, I think it's a, you we can we can say it's a couple of things, right? It's an act of God. God wanted you to live. That's just the luck of the thing. Or it's the luck of the draw. Like you just happened to have a seatbelt on and they didn't. There's lots of things where when there's bullets flying in the air, a lot of it's luck.

Yeah.

You're you just got lucky and you got behind the right thing at the right time and you made it And I tried to tell the people that I know who went that you have to look at that part of it If if you like, know your uncle and him they're good Catholics God wanted them to make it home for their children How whatever it is that you want to look at it that way, you know

And and then if you look at it from the religious standpoint that You know god takes people for whatever reason You know, that's that's not in our pay grade It's that's you know what I mean like I've kind of given up on that type of thinking of going why it's it's that's not in our we're not to know that it's You're just not

Yeah, that's for sure.

Mm-hmm.

But if you've made it back, I think it is in your best interest as a family member, a friend, a colleague, a former veteran, a veteran. If you're a veteran of any war, mostly modern wars, I think you should push, you know, Vietnam vets and Korean vets, know, wars that were very nonsensical.

that we really had no business being there. And I mean, really, you could kind of go with the Iraq War if you know, if we want to get geopolitical. look, push them to get listened to. The VA is there for a reason. You know, push them to the veterans, you know.

Yeah.

Go for it, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

let the VA take care of them, let them listen, even if it's just to rail off and let someone write something down on a piece of paper, you know, that isn't going to judge you or be in the family that is going to look at you different. You know, those people at the VA, they hear crazy shit from Vietnam on.

Yeah.

everybody. Yeah.

You know, and don't get me wrong, Vietnam was a... Man, how am gonna say this without sounding horribly bad, but... You know, they did go into places and kill everyone. Women, babies...

yeah, they did because they had to cause people would hide guns under their children or kids would come out. Yeah.

mean shoe bombs, shoe box bombs. Little kids would bomb people all the time. So, but, and, but, you know, to live with that is a whole thing. Like fighting against someone that is of age and in the military and, you know, however you want to look at that part of it. Killing women and children is a, is a horrible part of war.

Yep.

and you have to live with that for the rest of your life. And let's say you happen to do said thing and you come home and now have children. You look at life differently. And maybe what you did was very, very, very bad and now you look at it even worse because you have one at home.

Absolutely.

We have to make sure that our veterans are taken care of.

Absolutely.

And I'm glad that you had a chance to, you go out and let them see other veterans that, you know, maybe are okay and showed that they've made it out and that they've put that behind them realizing that it was a part of their life that they didn't have a choice to make. They were taken to war.

So, and you know, look, I think that when you see the Vietnam memorials, they're so cool to understand that like, we're still paying respect to the people who fought for this country. You know, to me, that's the best part. Like, you know, I'm sure if I looked on that memorial, there's people that have my last name.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

I'm sure.

You know, the odds are, know, I have, I had great uncles that were in World War II. So I'm sure, you know, because of our surnames, we have these names that have a lot of people, you know, even though they might not be related, they're definitely a surname to us. It's, you know, like I'm glad that my little brother made it out and is.

Good. Like, and I won't tell you that he's fine, because I don't know if that's 100 % true. But I will say that I'm glad that he is okay and that, you know, my son-in-law has PTSD and he was...

Yeah.

in a war zone. was never he didn't have a rifle in his hand, but they they mortared the shit out of the base that he was on in Iraq. Like so like he went through the I'm gonna die. You know, cause shit went crazy. It's really funny like talking about stuff like that too, where how war changes your look on life.

you

For sure.

My little brother said that there were guys in Afghanistan when they were getting mortared and bombed that were in the mess hall that never moved, just kept eating.

wow.

because they were like, I need to eat. And this could be the last one. They didn't get under the table. They just sat there and ate. Now they had been there quite a while and I'm sure seen a lot of shit. And they were probably, you you have a weird sense of life, you know, when you're...

Shit.

when you could die at any minute. And I'm not saying that those guys are okay, but I found it kind of humorous. And my little brother was like, yeah, it was crazy. Like when 99 % of the place is under tables, cause they don't want to die. And this guy's sitting there eating his, you know, corn, beef and cabbage, cause it could be his last meal. So, you know, I feel for people in Vietnam because it was such a shitty war and

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

It was a no win situation. So.

Mm-mm. Not at all. And go ahead.

I'm just saying that I'm glad for your dad. I mean, he made it. Even though he might not feel like he did. Yeah.

Yeah, he talks about being shot out. Yeah, I might my dad goes numb. My dad goes numb. My uncle gets emotional. They both go completely opposite ends of the spectrum. And my dad has a bronze star. He was the guy, the radio guy, you know what I mean? That tried to get people safe and however he manipulated, whatever he manipulated to get people out of there.

yeah.

that got him a bronze star and he'll say that and about 250 he'll get you a cup of coffee like he's like that I don't give a shit about that star he he he never has and yet he won't he can't really tell me why he got it he won't he doesn't know he won't tell me I don't know I'm like dad if you did some I don't know if he does he's like I don't know

Right.

No.

No, he knows.

Yeah, they, he knows, because they tell you why you get it. He knows.

Right. I, I, and, and I want to go through his documentation and just look and read it because, you know, I, I want to know, I want to know what this, this medal is. And I want to know, you know, where, where it was for him that he had to do whatever he had to do that they, gave him a medal for it. Like who, who could even say, you know, I don't know. He,

He completely mutes out and I see that, in his day to day life, he walks around in a fog, like he, he, forgets to take his keys out of the door and to even shut the door or he forgets to put on a seatbelt before he takes off and he's halfway down the street and he's hauling ass and he doesn't know why he's hauling ass. He gives himself like an hour to get anywhere an hour before he's supposed to be there. So it's like,

Why couldn't you put your seatbelt on? Why aren't you paying attention? Why aren't you checked in? Why are, you know, being a kid truly to these two people and watching what they've been through, was like, I can't even begin to imagine what they've been through. But how they've gone through life because of it is sad. It's made me really fucking sad.

Yeah, you can't.

that these two really good people that are stand up guys and they're for their family and don't hurt anybody and they've got they've got really good lives like what what did they have to go through that would hurt them and break them to the degree that they've been and how do you help that yeah hell

hell.

It's something we'll never understand, unfortunately, because you're not there.

No. At one point, right? At one point, I guess my uncle wasn't doing well at all. And my aunt sent him down to my house when I was married. And we sat at the kitchen table for like a week and just tried to talk him through it because, he was struggling. And she didn't know what to do.

You know, she didn't know what to do for him. She had tried everything and I'm sure her kids, their kids didn't know what to do. Like, how do we help this? This it's not, you know, you can't rationally talk to somebody and say, hey, you're not there anymore. I mean, you could, but is that going to help? Probably not. It's it's insensitive to even go there like that, you know, so he sat with me at the kitchen table and we talked and we talked and we talked and we talked and

Yeah.

That's just it's not realist

Probably didn't even come out with what he really needed to say. I'm sure of it. But I think we got him over the hump so that he could be okay again. But man, do I struggle with wanting to take the pain away from from these two and have I have no idea. So I just always I look for things like when when my friend said, hey, teen, if you want to do this, you know, come on out. And I was like,

That's something positive I could do. That's something that maybe it'll maybe it'll just push the button to start making it easier for them. Maybe it'll make them more upset and emotional. I don't know, but do you not do anything or do you try? And I'm the one that's trying because these are the two men in my life that grew me up and took care of me.

gave me a safe space and they don't feel safe at all. Like I feel like kind of responsible in a way because of that, you know? Cause I've been safe with them every time I've been, well, my dad used to throw me around. That's still safe, like, he's, yeah, it's a different type of, yeah, not always safe, but yeah.

different kind of, yeah. That's a different kind of safe, because my poor son got tossed around too. I think that, I mean, look, I would say the only thing you can do is nudge them to the VA, because you can't push them. Like anything, the only people who want to get help are the ones that want to get help, right?

So.

I would always nudge them to the VA and just go look go go talk to somebody if you think you're having an issue Go talk to somebody. It's okay. Like I think the biggest thing with that generation You know the same with boomers, right? You know the World War two guys and and Up until Korea. It's a different generation. So like they still think of going to a therapist as being weak and

Yep.

Yeah, they're definitely not the generation that's okay with that.

it

Right, and look, even Gen X, like our generation, they don't want to, we don't want to talk to people either. But I think we're more apt to. Right?

Yeah. Well, our life has changed so much. when we were younger, nobody went to therapy. Let's be honest. Now all of a sudden everybody goes to therapy. You know, it's, it's really changed and thankful that it has because people do need to talk and they do need to work through issues and problems that they're having. But man, these guys, I wish I had the strength to hold thing in, to hold things in the way that they do. Cause

Mm-hmm.

It ain't coming out, it's like behind a lock and key.

Yeah, I mean, it's different. Like, I don't, I don't want to hold things in like that. I just think we also have a lot more, like our generation and, and, you know, out or down like our millennials and Gen Z. We do have outlets, we do have a lot of people we can lean on.

You know, and and I hate it not that I would use social media as that kind of thing, but you could if you made a post on on some social media about not doing well. Someone's going to at least talk you down. Where they don't have that outlet, they their outlet is. Friends from then that a lot of them are gone.

Say, you okay? Yeah? yeah.

Like I couldn't imagine World War II guys like now and there's only a handful of them, but let's say 20 years ago, you know, a lot of them are dead. Right. So you don't have anyone to relate to. So that's why a lot I think of like World War II guys, you know, they're heroes. So they go to like these, meet and greets where lots of veterans got together from that war.

Yeah.

because they did talk to each other where Vietnam vets look at each other like it's still like demonized.

Mm-hmm.

because it was a shit war doing shitty things that we should have never been there, you know, and instead of blaming the government, they blame the people who went there. And, you know, I get sick of people going, well, you know, they were just following orders. Well, yeah, that's your fucking job. It sucks. And you're probably going to do horrible shit. Don't join the military unless you want to do horrible shit, because you're probably going to.

Yeah.

Well, and that's the thing people, people now don't understand that they didn't have a choice. Like they were drafted. They didn't want to go. They were, they wanted to dodge like everybody else did. Nobody else, no, no other worse sense than had to go through that. So it's like,

Yeah, no and don't get me wrong even to people who volunteer You might have to go do horrible shit and you don't have a choice You know what I mean? Like when they tell you to go bomb a village that might have people in it You don't question it you go bomb the shit out of it It's sucky That's that's your job. It's and it's a shit job

Yeah.

Yeah, because they train you to be like that. They. That's your job.

but that's what you need to do. I hope that, you know, look, I hope that if your uncle and your dad ever do get to a point where they just can't, you know, get through the day, go to the VA, find a way. And in your case, push dad, don't nudge him because it's your dad. But your uncle, you nudge him.

yeah, I'm, dad calls me the pusher.

You know, but you know what I mean? Like it's different. I would nudge my friends that are on the outside circle. Like, you know, maybe you should go. But my close circle of friends who are either police officers or veterans that have had shitty things happen to them, I would tell them right away. Don't wait. Go now. It's okay. Like you're not weak. That actually I think it shows more power than weakness. That if you go and you

Yeah.

Because like a lot of I forgot what the the percentages of how often a veteran takes his own life. It's a lot. Like a lot a lot. So I think we need to make sure that they're OK.

a lot.

lot of

Yeah. Well, so getting back to the wall, this wall is amazing. If you haven't gone to see it, check the websites, look for the visiting wall, the traveling wall for the Vietnam vets. It is amazing. And the stories that come out of it and everything that that has come out of them making this wall, it's it's amazing stuff and it is healing and

comes up to my dad out of nowhere and says, thank you for your service, sir. And puts his hand like way up in the air to shake my dad's hand. And that brought tears to my eyes. But I'm like, finally, it's, you know, because of the hat, people know he's a veteran. He's got several different ones that he wears, but I also think it, brings everybody together as a country where instead of being baby killers now they're

They are men that fought for what they needed to fight for for us. And what a great thing that is. And you know, in that there's healing too. Like they both wore their veterans hats today. They both wore them proudly. People went up and said, thank you for your service. I know my friend that went riding with us today did right away. And you know, it kind of puts...

Maybe it puts a bandaid on a very old sore, but that bandaid needs to be placed on them because they are in pain and they are hurting. And I think it's, good to bring this to people's attention because unless you live with people who have been through it, you just don't know. And, and, I was really proud for them today. I was happy for them and, it took a lot. Like don't get me wrong. I've,

I'm so sick. This took so much out of me to get them to do it. I would have done it a hundred times. Like I, I'm hoping that one day, you know, maybe they went from not talking to wearing the hat. Maybe they'll go from wearing the hat to being like, I could let that go or it doesn't have to bug me anymore. And, I'm going to keep doing what I can to encourage that because they've been.

Yeah.

They've been hurting for so long. I couldn't imagine. You know, this is my whole life of having two broken men who are two of my favorite men I've ever met and they're still going through it. And there was so many that were.

Yeah.

But we did, we took a bunch of pictures. We had a good time. We hugged on them and loved on them and just had a good day. And man, am I grateful. I'm grateful for today.

Yeah, that's good. mean, I'm glad that they maybe got a little healing today. I think that that's something that really needs to be done is make sure and again, like I said, just make sure they know that they're...

Yeah.

that we understand, like, that things need to be taken care of and don't be afraid to talk to anybody. But like I said, like, I just looked up the statistics, 17 veterans a day take their own life. So, yeah, it's something that shouldn't be, and I think that...

Wow.

That's horrible.

I would definitely make sure that if there's somebody in your life that you know had...

See you.

Had a time, you know, in some foreign country doing stuff that, you know, they were told to do. It's make sure they go and talk to somebody. I think it's very important that and that they know that, look, it's they are home and life went on and that look at I know it's easy to say, look at the bigger picture and look at all the good things that happened. But yeah, remind them.

I did I said you know we could we could sit here and commiserate and I'm more than happy to do that with you or we could we could you know have a good a good day and love each other and be there and and look at there's you're not ever gonna go to war again you're not ever gonna be in that place again you have a good life they keep

I'm not saying that that fixes anything, but keep that in mind. Hold on to what is good. And let's just move forward and hopefully, you know, hopefully it doesn't, it doesn't have to be that bad forever.

Yeah. Well, and remember that not only do you have a good life, you've lived a good life. Like you've lived a good life. Yeah.

Absolutely. And they're loved to no end. You know, and I always try to make sure like when my uncle comes here, my dad always laughs. He goes, he goes, I know where my kids are going to be when uncle comes down here. And that's because we drop everything and spend our time with our favorite uncle. Like that's just what we do. But you know, and my dad is so proud of the fact that we're like that. He's like, hey, if he goes,

Right.

Right. And it makes sense.

I gotta tell you right now, if I snap my fingers and said, your uncle's gonna be here in 10 minutes, my son and daughter would be showing up as soon as they could get here. Like if it's working, they're an hour away, they'd be here in an hour. That's just what they're gonna do. And we've always been like that. know, I always felt like I was his practice daughter, you know, because he had kids after, I think probably 10 years after me. So yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

He got a lot of practice being a dad and taking care of a pain in the ass daughter and stuff. And he was one of the best. And man, I tortured that guy. I don't know why he put up with me. Just, let's go, let's go have fun. And okay, let's do it. so, you know, looking back, I just turned 55. So looking back and I know.

Wow, you're old.

And you my brother this is how my brother calls me for my birthday. He goes. Hey teen. I'm like what? he goes, you get to use the the senior citizen menu at Denny's now and I'm like fuck you and then he says Happy birthday. Yo bitch. I thought it was funny because He's been telling me like every year for the last few years that I'm getting closer and I finally hit that that point so

Senior discount. That's it. It's true. It's very true.

I'm looking at 55 years now of them.

having this like dark cloud over their head. I would love for them to be able to just let that cloud dissipate to some degree. And I know my uncle's wife and daughters feel the same way. And I know my mom and my brother feel the same way about my dad and also my uncle. I just can't imagine.

Holding on to that hurt. I can't even imagine that they had to go through it though you know, so I just Instead of I'm not trying to fix them. I'm just trying to let them see that they're not alone

And I think that's the best way of looking at it. First of all, they'll never be fixed. No matter what you would do, what you would say, who they talk to. That will never ever change. Them talking to people and them knowing that things are okay is a way to make sure that they get through the daily grind.

Yeah.

It's hard enough, you know, on someone who comes back from, you know, any kind of wartime activity. They just need to know that people give a shit about them. I think that's the biggest thing. Just make sure they know that, you know, look, they mean something and that.

Yeah.

their existence probably means more to so many other people that they just and they don't even know it.

Yeah, absolutely. My friend that rode with my uncle today, he said, what an amazing man. He talked the whole time. They had conversations. I didn't tell my friend shit about my uncle. I just said he's one of my favorite people and I really want to do this for him. So he said, all right, I'll help you. So he said, your uncle talked the whole time.

And you know what? Maybe my uncle needed to talk to him instead of me. Maybe it's easier to talk to him instead of me. And I'm okay with that. I don't need to know everything. It's okay to not know. I'm good with that. But for my friend to say, goes, I was choked up all day long. He goes, it was so overwhelmingly beautiful what everybody did and how good to everybody, you know, each other was and how...

Sure.

They ran the whole event. It was so touching and And you know, so I it made It brought me and my friend closer, you know, cuz he goes I want to be able to talk to you more about it I want to be had to leave right after he got home. But But he said I really want to sit down and talk to you about this at some point I mean your uncle talked all day. I said you could talk to me about it or you could not talk to me about it It's okay

But thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping make this possible, because it was so necessary.

Yeah, I do kind of agree. Maybe he just needed to vent to someone who isn't so close. You know, it's it probably just and it probably he got to see how they're looked at from a different point of view. You know where you see them as. Relatives. He sees them as veterans.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. They sold these patches, like I talked about it before. He bought all of us the patches and didn't even ask. He just walked away from, we all kind of scattered after we got off the bikes. I think we were like trying not to die from the heat and we're searching for water quickly. And he came over and he goes, got something for you, Garcia.

you know, and there's a difference.

And I'm like, okay, what is it? And he gives me these patches. I'm all, oh, that's really cool. Thanks. And he goes, do you think your dad and your uncle would wear them or, or like them? And I said, yeah, I'm sure they would. He went back and bought them patches too. And I was like, wow, thank you. You didn't have to, he goes, no, I got my patch too. And he goes in next year when they have this again, let's go, let's do it again. And I said, okay, we'll do that. And so it kind of sparked something in him too.

That's cool.

Yeah, that's good. Something for everybody, for sure.

Yeah.

Yep. Yep.

Alrighty. So, so, it's okay. I do it most of the time anyway. So, let's have one little last thing. What do you want to say to the people who are friends, family, and close proximity of a veteran of, well, Vietnam for sure, but any war?

We should, we should wrap this up though. I'm sorry I talked so much today.

I would I don't know I guess do what I always do and that is wrap your arms around them tell them thank you for all the sacrifices that you made and You're loved You know, I don't I don't know what else to say on that. Just know that every day you're important to me don't go anywhere and Try to do what you got to do to get through the day or to heal yourself and and I'm right there with you

There you go. I don't think I can add to that. I think that's top notch and on top. All righty. Hey, you know, for people who have been listening to the show recently, thank you. You guys are definitely listening more and sharing. So please keep that going. It's it's kind of cool to see our numbers.

Thank you.

rising all over the place. Yeah, somebody today in Texas did a number. They downloaded like 130 of them. Yeah, crazy. Yeah. So look, we appreciate it. It's super fun. You can listen to us on.

Woohoo!

What?

Interesting.

pretty much any podcasting thing, but Spotify and Apple are the biggies. And it's an opinion joke. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. I'm Rob, that's Tina, and we will talk to you in a week. Bye.

See ya.