Transcripts
check 1 2 well
Speaker:hello there boyfriend how are you this fine day
Speaker:I'm really good is it working
Speaker:yes excellent let's not touch shit I'm afraid to ask
Speaker:but I have a great question
Speaker:I don't even know what I was gonna say
Speaker:I'm so disturbed right now
Speaker:this woman's boyfriend got a hernia while masturbating
Speaker:they would like to come into the doctor's office
Speaker:and lie
Speaker:but they're wondering is that gonna is that gonna hurt
Speaker:you know let's do that diagnosis but what's diagnosis
Speaker:prognosis prognosis is what you have diagnosis
Speaker:diagnosis is what you are told is your disease
Speaker:or the pathology or your medical condition
Speaker:prognosis is do we anticipate a good or bad outcome oh
Speaker:I love it okay
Speaker:so you can choose which one you like oh
Speaker:let's let's do the lying one alright
Speaker:people lying to doctors man
Speaker:they do it all the time okay
Speaker:worst lie ever or do you
Speaker:you go ahead with however you'd like to approach it
Speaker:you want me to start you told me once that often times
Speaker:we talked about it on here that you run late
Speaker:the reason doctors run late sometimes
Speaker:is because
Speaker:people are lying about an embarrassing thing
Speaker:and they go like oh
Speaker:I just wanna see if I have the flu all the time
Speaker:you go in all the sudden it's like
Speaker:I got a rash
Speaker:please look at my testicles yes
Speaker:and what you and that is so detrimental to me
Speaker:being on task and on time
Speaker:because I will look at what you're coming in for
Speaker:day before and I will give you a 10 minute
Speaker:20 minute 30 minute
Speaker:40 minute slot based on your complaint
Speaker:so if you say inhaler refill
Speaker:okay no complaints
Speaker:just needs blood pressure check cool right
Speaker:and then you come in and you're like well
Speaker:when I pee it's purple yeah
Speaker:I'm like oh
Speaker:because I've also looked up the chart
Speaker:and I've looked at like if you had a lung X ray
Speaker:or like a chest X ray of your lungs right
Speaker:or have you had pulmonary function test
Speaker:or all this stuff to treat you for your inhaler
Speaker:or whatever and then I've wasted all this time
Speaker:and you come in and you're like
Speaker:I need to talk about my purple pee
Speaker:I'm like what the hell
Speaker:and then I have to go look at all those tests
Speaker:by the way for anyone that missed it
Speaker:we did cover in a previous episode
Speaker:what color your pee should be
Speaker:I believe the answer is
Speaker:do you remember the color of a highlighter no
Speaker:no nice retention skills
Speaker:apple juice apple juice
Speaker:thank you very much second try
Speaker:you got these
Speaker:you got these vitamins for us that are like special
Speaker:doctor vitamin
Speaker:oh man isn't it funny
Speaker:it's like I can pee though cooler green
Speaker:yellow neon
Speaker:I peed it 2 in the morning
Speaker:it woke me up I feel like you're radioactive
Speaker:it's amazing
Speaker:what do you think about specifically this person
Speaker:as far as this exact injury
Speaker:is this common actual question can you read it
Speaker:oh my gosh
Speaker:I wish I wish I had it I'm gonna be honest oh
Speaker:I know where I put it
Speaker:I don't well while you're searching for it
Speaker:you asked me the worst lie that I ever had
Speaker:I got was oh
Speaker:you found it already finish your thought please oh
Speaker:I mean I've had a ton of
Speaker:of similar things that you were saying
Speaker:where it becomes like a genital concern
Speaker:or erectile dysfunction
Speaker:when they said that they had hypertension
Speaker:the worst one that I ever had though
Speaker:was when someone came in
Speaker:and she describes an entire car accident
Speaker:that she was involved in she said she got t boned
Speaker:and described where the other vehicle hit her
Speaker:and where she was wearing the seatbelt
Speaker:how it hurt her clavicle and how fast she was going
Speaker:how fast the other car was going
Speaker:and there's another medical student in with me
Speaker:doing the whole intake
Speaker:we stepped out presented to her attending
Speaker:kind of like you see on doctor shows
Speaker:told the whole story
Speaker:I described the whole car accident
Speaker:airbag didn't deploy she was able to get out
Speaker:she didn't have any head trauma LA di da
Speaker:this is why she's having shoulder pain
Speaker:excellent presentation a fucking a plus
Speaker:we walk in the room and he goes okay
Speaker:so nice to see you
Speaker:I'm so sorry to hear about your car accident she goes
Speaker:I never got in a car accident
Speaker:what are you talking about okay
Speaker:the doctor goes what and she goes she's a liar
Speaker:I never got in a car accident who told the lie
Speaker:the patient to my my doctor oh wait
Speaker:this woman says I never got in a car accident
Speaker:right after she describes her car accident
Speaker:so she lied and then said I lied
Speaker:yes and then he pulled me out of the room
Speaker:and chewed me out and started yelling at me
Speaker:and said if you didn't get a good history
Speaker:you can't make up stuff
Speaker:you're never gonna like amount to anything horrible
Speaker:and I look at the other medical student and I'm like
Speaker:could you what are you supposed to do
Speaker:and he just put his little bitch head down
Speaker:and are attending walks out
Speaker:attending
Speaker:as a name for your superior when you're in training
Speaker:so this dad been he been a doctor
Speaker:I feel bad for nodding like I knew
Speaker:thank you for explaining he walks out of the room
Speaker:and I look at the messenger and I'm like
Speaker:what the hell and he's like sorry
Speaker:I was really afraid that he yelled at me too
Speaker:and I was livid why did she lie
Speaker:I have no idea she clearly had she just oh
Speaker:she made up a crazy story just for
Speaker:I don't know what was actually wrong
Speaker:just shoulder problems yeah
Speaker:same area shoulder collarbone area
Speaker:but like that's so weird I think in that case
Speaker:she got me in a lot of trouble
Speaker:like that was a graded exam like presentation
Speaker:and I got a lot of trouble for that
Speaker:and I had to really make up for it
Speaker:I don't know why they would do that
Speaker:I think it's your fault
Speaker:what about these people who are planning on
Speaker:intentionally this is from sue in Scottsdale Arizona
Speaker:my boyfriend got a hernia masturbating
Speaker:I was in the room
Speaker:is it important that we tell the doctor
Speaker:when we go to seek medical advice
Speaker:I would like to know what her response was
Speaker:when he got a hernia while she was watching yeah
Speaker:do you think that was like a
Speaker:you know masturbating can mean I'm alone in the room
Speaker:I'm doing it
Speaker:it also could mean I'm grabbing it and you're watching
Speaker:and then he
Speaker:do you like watching me
Speaker:I think that's an interesting thing sorry
Speaker:I know I'm not trusting you
Speaker:um well
Speaker:I always thought it was interesting
Speaker:like if if I could touch you or if I could touch myself
Speaker:I would much rather touch you
Speaker:oh thank God hahaha okay
Speaker:so like that's a form of of sexual arousal
Speaker:there are couples who really
Speaker:really seek sexual pleasure and a variance of like oh
Speaker:let's change it up
Speaker:by watching their partners masturbate yeah
Speaker:simultaneously though yeah
Speaker:I'm not a big fan if you're in the room with me
Speaker:I want you to touch me and I wanna
Speaker:I agree the only time interesting
Speaker:I prefer you touching yourself
Speaker:is if there's a time constraint
Speaker:I waited to take a drink is if we're in a hurry
Speaker:because you're better at it than I am
Speaker:but fun to watch not gonna lie okay
Speaker:so we got things to do
Speaker:would you mind well
Speaker:first thing started show me where it is
Speaker:could you point out the erogenous zone please
Speaker:could you point me in the right direction
Speaker:yeah I like it
Speaker:I think I'm gonna go back to changing my answer now
Speaker:whenever we're together
Speaker:I'd prefer to let me touch myself
Speaker:but I don't even want you in the room
Speaker:you can go in a different room this by the way
Speaker:it's a great question it isn't do you know as a man
Speaker:I I've absolutely almost injured myself cause you
Speaker:there's like a chest muscle what yeah
Speaker:I have so many questions following up on this
Speaker:you people should whisper with both hands
Speaker:to end up getting a big bicep and big arm
Speaker:sometimes when I was younger
Speaker:I'd masturbate my left hand and imagine like
Speaker:it was a girl
Speaker:that was just doing it for the first time
Speaker:isn't that called a stranger
Speaker:and we did oh
Speaker:that's when it's that's when you sit on it
Speaker:it's in a dozen time this one time I called no
Speaker:you've done it
Speaker:you've done it I called Erica once and I said hey
Speaker:I'm working on this joke about this
Speaker:this stranger and I said this is
Speaker:what's that I got you know
Speaker:it's like an old thing where you sit on your arm
Speaker:it falls asleep and then you masturbate
Speaker:and feels like someone else is doing it
Speaker:and you said to me with like a straight face
Speaker:you were like oh my God
Speaker:you were like I would love to do that
Speaker:just to feel like your arm was around me
Speaker:as I went to sleep
Speaker:I just like to throw my arm around me my sleep arm
Speaker:I thought that was really cute
Speaker:remember that no okay
Speaker:I'm glad I'm really keeping you awake um
Speaker:what so you have done it no
Speaker:I've never done a sit on my arm
Speaker:that's insane that wouldn't really work
Speaker:why not I've tried the left hand takes too long um
Speaker:but you you're using your chest muscles until they're
Speaker:they're using your how hard are you pulling
Speaker:I don't wanna talk about this anymore
Speaker:this question I do
Speaker:all I'm saying is it's not a surprise that this man
Speaker:what's a hernia
Speaker:like what I've heard of a herniated disc
Speaker:is the hernia always in the same spot
Speaker:is it a grain thing it's an it's an excellent question
Speaker:our friend is a hernia let's not say his name
Speaker:we have so in your ingronal canal in your groin
Speaker:you can have two different types of hernias
Speaker:direct an indirect
Speaker:basically in relation to other structures in your groin
Speaker:all you need to know is it can happen there
Speaker:that's the one where the doctor typically
Speaker:will go through the testicle
Speaker:put their finger up and say
Speaker:turn your head and cough oh yeah
Speaker:that's the hernia exam that most familiar with
Speaker:but you can also have you did that to me the other day
Speaker:remember yeah
Speaker:I yeah
Speaker:yeah I didn't have one
Speaker:but isn't it nice to like know what to expect
Speaker:like
Speaker:you can get exams now for me and not be uncomfortable
Speaker:or maybe I'm brag oh
Speaker:could you take a look at my testicles
Speaker:there's a periumbilical hernia
Speaker:surround the belly button
Speaker:ventral wall hernia so anywhere in the abdomen
Speaker:kind of on the front side
Speaker:oh gosh there's a lot of different ones
Speaker:there's a diaphramatic hernia
Speaker:okay um
Speaker:haital hernia that one's very common
Speaker:associated with heartburn a lot of times
Speaker:kind of like right here and it can slide up and down
Speaker:and make acid reflux a lot worse
Speaker:are you worried then
Speaker:so there's a lot of different types
Speaker:is the type of hernia
Speaker:important in knowing how to treat it
Speaker:and is
Speaker:if they come in and tell you all he was gardening
Speaker:yeah now
Speaker:have they LED you astray anyway
Speaker:not able to doctor house with you
Speaker:I have very specific medical questions
Speaker:the type of hernia you of course
Speaker:have to know what it is
Speaker:before you can treat anything in medicine
Speaker:what about how he got it would that affect your ability
Speaker:to figure out what it was
Speaker:well hernia
Speaker:not so much well
Speaker:you're gonna do it you're gonna use the patient history
Speaker:then you're going to do a physical examination oh
Speaker:is history of hernias well
Speaker:the whole story but not just how we got it
Speaker:but also what's the presentation
Speaker:what are your symptoms got you
Speaker:you know um
Speaker:complaint onset mitigating factors
Speaker:what makes it better what makes it worse
Speaker:have you ever had it before
Speaker:do you have any associated symptoms
Speaker:where is it pain scale
Speaker:what have you tried all that
Speaker:so then I'll do the physical exam oh
Speaker:it hurts right here and I'll push
Speaker:and typically I'll have them like
Speaker:turn your head and cough
Speaker:causes the muscles to kind of contract
Speaker:and basically
Speaker:what you're feeling is intestinal extrusion
Speaker:so the intestines are bulging out right there
Speaker:the muscles have parted somehow
Speaker:there was a tear there was a shift
Speaker:and then you can feel the bulge of the intestines
Speaker:typical hernia's like if it's in the belly you'll
Speaker:you can even see him around belly button
Speaker:you'll see a big lump yeah
Speaker:um and then you have to look at the
Speaker:are they strangulated are they regular
Speaker:so are they twisted have they lost blood supply
Speaker:yeah I think he heard it strangulating his penis
Speaker:yeah well
Speaker:then here's never mind
Speaker:so you're saying so
Speaker:it doesn't really take into account that he lied on
Speaker:that one doesn't
Speaker:so they're fine they're fine
Speaker:but there are other things
Speaker:you definitely need to be truthful about
Speaker:because
Speaker:the NITIS for the injury can sometimes be benign
Speaker:and then you worry why did the person get it
Speaker:so for example yeah
Speaker:there's something called osteogenesis imperfecta
Speaker:that's usually seen in children where they
Speaker:it's brittle bone disease
Speaker:so if a kid is playing on a playground
Speaker:and falls off the monkey bars
Speaker:unfortunately and breaks their arm
Speaker:they broke their arm right
Speaker:if a child is walking
Speaker:and bumps into the side of a soft bed
Speaker:and breaks their femur to break a long bone
Speaker:if that's the story that you get
Speaker:there are two things you have to take into account
Speaker:1 could they have an underlying pathological
Speaker:genetic predisposition such as ostrogenes and perfecto
Speaker:or something else
Speaker:that make them break bones really easily
Speaker:now you have to do a bunch of genetic tests
Speaker:to make sure they won't break other bones
Speaker:or is their child abuse at play
Speaker:and the parents were lying
Speaker:so so you have to take into account this history yeah
Speaker:so hernia not so much
Speaker:it's just unfortunate that
Speaker:he was having a really good time
Speaker:that turned into a really bad time
Speaker:oh yeah
Speaker:you don't think you finished right
Speaker:I don't oh
Speaker:I was thinking that's how we got it
Speaker:oh yeah
Speaker:boom wow
Speaker:is that what you think happened
Speaker:well that's not how I sound
Speaker:remember what happened to me
Speaker:like what happened this weekend
Speaker:goodness sakes so we're
Speaker:I remember we're I did some shows in Vegas
Speaker:and we would get back really late
Speaker:it was tough so they eat really late
Speaker:and it was hard to find places to eat
Speaker:so we bought this food sitting on the bed eating
Speaker:and we were watching we thought we were
Speaker:we were we thought we were watching a commercial well
Speaker:no no
Speaker:no no
Speaker:no we were watching like House Hunters or something
Speaker:at like 1:30 in the morning
Speaker:when it started we found a House Hunters
Speaker:I didn't know it existed
Speaker:with people that don't have as much money as me
Speaker:every time I watch House Hunters
Speaker:I hate all of you these were like
Speaker:oh this house is 120,000 like yeah
Speaker:bring it on bring on the shitholes
Speaker:oh I don't like that
Speaker:the shithole I like
Speaker:I like the opposite where I'm like
Speaker:your budget's only 7 million cheap bastards
Speaker:I feel very successful 10 million
Speaker:I want to see the big house
Speaker:I like to feel better than the people
Speaker:sometimes my rent cars
Speaker:I run a shitty one to just feel better when I get home
Speaker:truth
Speaker:so we're watching remember
Speaker:we watched this commercial comes on for a shark video
Speaker:actually
Speaker:we weren't watching anything when what you're trying
Speaker:to say started
Speaker:and then I was scrambling for the TV remote
Speaker:oh that's what made you turn it up
Speaker:yeah yeah
Speaker:we're in Vegas these people were just going at it
:30 in the morning
:you know
:it's a fun game to play when you hear noise in Vegas
:in the room next door a fun game to play
:a sex or murder it sounded definitely not like sex
:right there was a moment where I was like
:is someone in trouble or is it sex
:but then it for sure was sex right
:you know
:what was funny about that is I was so grossed out
:I was like oh
:reading salad I look over you and you're like
:yeah unfazed
:that's what I was like screaming for the remote
:put on freaking house on earth
:and then it ended yeah
:I screamed to get it at one point
:get it do you know why you were really into that fork
:oh my but when I heard this guy
:I asked you this in the hallway
:what I said
:you really got upset about those people having sex
:like you really hated
:it was really gross and off putting to me
:isn't it weird how with ourselves though
:we're like deal with it
:but with other people I had a little bit of uh
:we were tired
:there's not gonna be any sex happening with us
:just whatever I was doing to that Caesar salad
:if you could consider that a consensual uh relationship
:I think there's a little bit of me that was uh like
:yeah were you turned on
:no no
:no no
:I just wished I was
:I wished I was for a second I wished I was doing it
:not at all
:just to be clear
:you could tell they were ugly by the noises you
:so that was the other thing that you did mess with my
:oh I know what they look like
:you said
:would it help you
:or hurt you to know what they look like
:if I describe them to you
:and I was like oh no
:no no no
:no no
:no no
:and that's when we watched
:like a 20 minute infomercial on vacuums
:because I needed something loud to block the
:the murder scene well
:truthfully we thought we were watching a commercial
:we're waiting for show to start for 45 minutes
:it was so yes
:so I take that over hearing random people have sex
:though I thought it was an unnatural noise that he made
:that's what made me like he was like
:yeah Jamie
:I already knew that's really weird
:please stop that was like yesterday
:it really was like my hands stop
:it was so weird eww
:I don't know how fine he probably makes those noises
:so he doesn't have to have
:make the woman orgasm after
:cause she's so turned off like
:oh God
:but it's Vegas you know
:what you said to me though
:you're you're like I'm really not really fazed
:cause I'm in hotels all the time
:so I hear it all the time
:I don't hear people have sex all the time
:when I'm in a hotel
:very rarely yeah
:I cannot think of the last time
:I've heard someone have sex
:I did last time you and I were in a hotel having sex
:I was asleep didn't hear it
:hmm hmm I do hear it
:not a ton of hotel sex going on
:by the way in Vegas more than no with well
:we're tired
:but I think in Vegas
:way more than other places around New York City
:I can't remember the last time
:I heard somebody going at it
:I think it's a lot of
:okay maybe I'm being rude as well
:but we were in a very nice hotel
:in a very nice suite to where
:I did not think
:a bunch of drunk people would be stumbling around
:at 2 a m
:having really angry loud sex
:I mean loud it wasn't even I would assume they were
:you know he can't
:he could have been that drunk
:because I'm overhearing a heck
:which if like mean it ended
:so you can have that much to drink
:finish the job
:I finished it he did it
:I high five the wall remember that
:I go yeah
:I hit the wall get it
:then I heard him I heard a noise
:that could only be the sound of someone
:peeling money off of a wad of cash
:oh my god it could have been a prostitute
:prostitution is legal in Las Vegas
:it is legal it for sure is Nevada
:it is yeah
:why did you say like that Nevada
:I don't know if Las Vegas gets prosecuted
:I don't know if on the strip of Las Vegas
:that there's a that it's a
:it's a it is yeah
:is it the only state that is legal one
:I don't know let me go
:let me check it out I didn't know that yeah
:I thought it was legal everywhere
:illegal everywhere oh
:prostitution legal states definitely
:I have a story to tell you
:oh wow
:this is a great lead up
:Nevada is the only US state allowed
:where they allow legal prostitution
:gross so gross
:it's mostly outside the strip though
:you can us so there's obviously
:well yes
:um
:the terms oh
:it's been decriminalized in Maine
:wow so they give you
:they give you a slap on the wrist
:it's a great thing go
:you not waste any time getting that lobster roll
:right after
:why would Maine do it I don't know
:this is I don't even know if there's a good story
:oh yeah
:you have a story
:you talked about prostitution being legal
:and then you said I've got a good story
:I do I was in Reno once and I was playing as
:drink a little
:bit at the time took a little hiatus from sobriety
:as they say
:and um
:I was playing a little uh video poker at a bar in Reno
:Nevada and I was playing it and I was having fun
:I'm a loner when it comes to gambling
:I play poker I play poker
:that's it and so I'm seeing this
:and then this girl who is pretty good looking
:sits right down next to me at the um
:at thing right
:and she starts playing and so I'm just Eric
:I'm just a man and I go
:hello there or whatever a guy says
:and she's being pretty friendly to me and I'm getting
:did you ever question why
:yeah is that where we're going
:yeah I mean I immediately got
:I get I see myself every morning in the mirror
:I know I know what I meant
:she was this was never happened anywhere
:but it's for sure like some sort of like
:I don't feel like
:some girls gonna randomly sit next to me
:three in the morning and the casino
:so I know what's going on but I go
:she seems nice so I turn I go
:how are you doing
:and I she goes good
:how are you doing I go
:she goes what are you doing here
:and I got I'm a comedian
:I'm working at the comedy club in the casino and I go
:what are you doing here guess what she says
:I am a prostitute oh
:she just volunteered it that nonchalantly yeah
:I am a prostitute she kind of laughs like home probably
:and I go oh
:that's pretty cool and she goes
:I'm not working right now
:I'm just playing the machines I can
:she goes I can't
:I'm not even allowed to work in this hotel
:I just I just didn't play next to you to say hi
:and I go okay
:I'm not it I go
:I don't do that type of thing
:nice to meet you right
:so I go this is kind of fascinating back in my head
:I'm wondering how much she charges
:how much is gonna cost me
:is it well
:I'm wondering will something happen
:is it a freebie oh
:come on sometimes I tell jokes nights
:just people that haven't bought tickets
:so I talked to her for a little while
:and I start going like
:what's the craziest thing you've ever had happened
:as a prostitute no
:you didn't yeah
:and she goes you're not gonna believe this one
:she said a guy paid her $2,000
:I'm not even
:this is so gross I'm not even gonna finish it
:but
:to bring pounds of hamburger meat to his hotel room
:no sex and do some stuff with the meat
:that's all I'm gonna say
:should he pay $1,000 to do that
:she did it yeah
:she did it and stuff to the meat or he did
:she did so she did put the meat places
:EWW I shouldn't have I shouldn't have this happened
:we don't know if she's telling the truth
:so anyway I feel like that's the truth
:see I do too
:I shouldn't have brought it up though
:and so anyway the end of the story
:God I'm just
:thinking of all the bacteria that would be growing
:I know but that's dangerous alright anyway
:so dangerous yeah
:cool eye yep
:a lot of danger happening in that room that night
:prostitute
:right diseases raw meat you playing with fire
:so I talked to her sick man
:so I'm very naive
:because what happens is I feel like I made a friend
:and I don't feel like there's any pressure here
:to hire her as a prostitute
:and she starts talking to guys right
:hey what's up
:how much cause she's clearly
:it was as if her vagina had a for cell sign
:like I mean she was clip what she was wearing right
:like she was a prostitute
:sad to me yeah
:but so guys were asking her she seemed happy
:but guys are asking her like how much and stuff
:and she was negotiating with them
:and she would tell people like
:I'm just hanging out with him for the night
:she pointed me kind of turn them away
:I go I made a friend so we're downstairs at the
:in the casino and she said something like
:they should use the bathroom or something
:we walked to the front of the casino and when we walk
:I went to the bathroom
:she went to the bathroom when we walked out
:she walked out
:and she was surrounded by policeman and security
:like twenty cops 20 security and they were like
:you need to get out of here
:you're soliciting in this hotel whatever
:and I walk out and I go oh
:that's just my little girl
:I know whatever and they were they were like
:back away or you're gonna get arrested
:I was like oh my God
:so I just went to my room
:I never saw again and then I found out the next day
:that's like a thing that's the thing
:prostitutes
:that they find someone to like hang out with
:so they can sort of like hang out there
:if they're just alone going
:can I have sex with you for money
:they get busted immediately
:but if they find a guy
:that they could pretend to be friends with
:they can then sell their wears to uh to strangers
:that's sad
:yeah yeah
:anyway
:thought I tell real sad story with a no ending yeah
:I don't I don't know where to go with that
:well edit it out um
:but I thought that was a wild a wild thing
:I just was too naive to know that that was a
:I'm curious if male prostitutes really exist
:great question like truly if they exist
:not like escorts and like
:male strippers and all of that
:but like truly just a male prostitute
:they have to but just very low demand
:I suppose yeah
:this weekend on stage
:I remember us telling people about our podcast
:and I was saying in one of the earlier episodes
:we talked about the fact that women can have blue balls
:it's always talked about the guys have it
:and I remember coming to the conclusion that
:you know why you don't hear it as much
:because when a woman has blue balls
:she could walk up to a random guy and be like
:would you please have sex with me
:and get rid of my blue balls
:where is it guys alone going like
:well this sucks
:and I feel like that's similar to the male prostitute
:why would you want a male prostitute
:if you could just walk in pretty much any bar and and
:and sleep with the dude
:wasn't that why famous people do it
:because they don't want the commitment
:yeah oh
:you mean like I feel like they wanna sleep with someone
:yeah and then be done with it
:they don't want the commitment
:they don't want them make sense
:like who was that famous lady who had all of the like
:I don't know yeah
:yeah yeah
:oh the famous
:she was sleeping with them
:no she was like the um mistress
:the madam kind of coordinated madam lady that got yeah
:yeah yeah
:yes that I
:could see and she had a whole list of like
:famous people and presidents
:and a bunch of people in politics like
:and she never gave the list out that I could see
:but I don't but I don't get the um
:but they were all famous good looking
:wealthy but men still
:but you but I thought you were asking
:I was trying to I think is there
:actor would have no problem hooking up with someone
:but they don't want that reputation
:yeah right
:like think about you grant
:how he got busted with prostitutes
:he's cute he's in a ton of romance movies
:good point
:I think a lot of people would have slept with him
:I don't know his exact motives
:but why would someone who's good looking famous
:successful wealthy
:and overall doing well
:pay to have sex when they can get it for free
:probably those are great reasons now
:but if we take it to women
:you don't have to be famous
:you don't have to be an actress
:you could walk into any bar and probably have sex
:looking almost a lot of women
:I would say a lot of women could go sex
:maybe it's the safety thing though
:you don't want to just like
:sleep with someone who could like
:kill you or hurt you afterwards
:right to go to this place where they're all vetted
:that's a very good point
:very good point there has to be
:but I
:would say probably more so like the male escort right
:to like take you to a family wedding or
:I feel like that's a real thing yeah
:and you know in Japan
:that there are some bars where you can go
:and a girl will just be really nice to you
:and I did it
:no sex no touching
:you paid a woman to be your friend
:I believe I did you actually paid her well Jamie
:okay
:is it like a vending machine and you can just select
:this is that one
:listen to me
:and then if you pay like the
:the low end ones and they only like kinda nice
:they only laugh at some of your jokes
:I've never told anybody you pay a ton of money
:she's like ho ho ho funniest guy alive
:I've never admitted this to anyone
:I was in Japan with Rob Schneider
:and I was hoping for him
:and everyone went to sleep
:and I snuck out of the base oh
:oh found me base
:and I went to this bar
:and there were these women there
:and if you bought them drinks
:it didn't cost anything except for the drinks
:if you bought them drinks
:they would just be super nice to you
:that happens everywhere
:but this is like I did it more honestly
:I did it as an experiment at first
:I went up
:there was a guy and there was a cute Japanese girl
:she starts talking to me and I turned to him and I go
:hey man
:I just wanna introduce myself I'm Jamie and he goes
:oh you can talk to her and I go
:that's why I'm saying hi
:I just don't want you to think that I'm hitting on you
:and he's like
:oh she's not with me and he walks away yeah
:this is interesting and then she goes
:do you wanna buy me a drink
:and like I can see why not
:and then she was just nice to me for a couple hours
:and it felt good
:felt good somebody sat on my lap at one point
:and it was no touching definitely no kissing
:you just said she sat on your lap so that was touching
:hand touching
:but I feel like there's a
:there's a real market for that
:I like that I liked it
:I just gotten divorced
:and this lady was just being real nice to me
:I honestly think that's actually kind of cool
:I am not lying to you you know
:it's really nice and um oh man
:there's a European country
:I wanna say it was Amsterdam specifically
:but I don't remember if it was in other ones or not
:but where they started having grocery store lines
:that were made just for the elderly
:that they're intentionally
:allowing them to go as slowly as possible
:just to talk
:and they had such success
:that the chain did it across the
:whole board
:so everybody in a hurry goes in the normal lanes
:and the people who are just really lonely
:and wanna talk they allow them to go in the slow lane
:you can only pay by a paper check
:isn't that cute you see a paper check
:old person look at the story that I tell
:I'm trying to find
:you talk about like prostitutes in hamburger meat
:and I talk about grocery stores in
:do you know I live my life regretting things like right
:I regret telling that story
:I might even edit it out I just
:I was trying to find
:I think that's really sweet that they like you yeah
:I try not to get well
:that's a human condition right
:we always wanna be involved in other people
:we have this innate desire to be accepted oh
:to be accepted there are yeah
:to get along
:and have a human connection with other humans
:like we are very
:for both species we need that um interaction
:they have a child's bench
:have you seen those child's bench
:yeah yeah
:yeah it's like
:it's called a buddy bench and if you sit on the bench
:it means you wanna play with someone at schools
:so if you're alone and you sit there
:any other child who sees you can come up to you and say
:I'd play with you that's really cute
:isn't that wonderful that's really cute
:I think there's a lot of good
:things that we're doing
:we just don't highlight them right
:we just talk about all the bullshit on Twitter
:and YouTube yeah
:have you ever had a an injury
:cause
:I had a foot injury or back injury that did this to me
:from masturbating also no
:no this one was more innocent
:I stretch Erica before I start okay
:limber it up right I'll even take the doll
:and have her do some shoulder stuff
:you know oh my stretch her stretch her out
:I was gonna say I had an injury once like the
:I have so many questions about the doll
:I would never say the doll unless it was a Warner
:do you use the mouth now
:I feel like that would cut you cause it's like plastic
:Jeez well
:they fix that
:I don't know the first ones did that and they're like
:people are returning these
:but you know how like
:the seems of like pools that you use for the summer
:have like that really sharp edge
:ridge all around aren't the blow up dolls like that
:you know what I did get injured once
:so you try to take a blow up doll hand
:yeah to chase your penis
:you know what
:I did injure myself once with the blow of doll
:her hand was where you blow it up
:and it had that little thing on it
:no I've never been with a doll
:why do you say to me so upset
:certainly when I was younger
:wished someone had one wished I had one um
:I lost my one second what was it
:prostitutes dull master oh
:have you ever been in a position elderly people
:they don't wanna be slow
:a lot of them in their minds are sharp
:have you ever had an injury
:because I have where I'm the slow guy
:and also when you look in like you're not old
:it's even more of like a this slow lazy fuck what
:I had a really bad back injury and I was that guy
:so like I could barely walk yeah
:this is for a month
:but I don't understand what the question
:question is
:what they must feel like holding up that line
:cause I got it for a month
:I was that guy everywhere
:come on buddy get out of the way
:like
:I felt the hatred from everyone thinking that I was a
:sorry is everything okay
:is it you sneeze yes
:you can edit that out sorry okay
:um I just meant like
:have you ever been in that position
:where you're the one that they want to hurry
:and I feel bad for older people that
:that maybe feel like they're going as fast as they can
:cause I was I was in that position once
:I did I injured my back and I had to have
:MRIs physical therapy and a lot of
:a lot of recovery to get better
:and I was on a flight
:and I was trying to lift my bag overhead
:I couldn't do any so I just asked the flight attendant
:it was barely full flight
:and I said I'm so sorry
:but like I'm still in a spasm
:can you just help me lift it
:just if you can't lift your bag overhead
:you have to check it I don't like that person
:and I was like what I almost started crying
:cause like that took so much just to get
:that makes me so angry and this really nice passenger
:he goes what
:I'll do it for you and lifted it
:and the whole plane ride I was thinking
:oh man I really hope this guy will get it down for me
:cause I'm terrified of this
:what asshole that when I was only like 25
:I and I was like
:is this how people are when you're injured
:I don't know I feel like you at 25 there
:there
:have been some guys that would help you get that down
:versus me now
:no
:just at any any age right now
:why would you say that I don't know
:I was saying I was picturing 25 year old Erica
:it wasn't a comment the next time we're on a flight
:do not try to help me
:I'm gonna try to put my bag up and I'm gonna go
:I'm gonna go oh
:and then if there's nobody that helps me out and we
:like he was right he was lying to my face
:it's only me at 25 I think we're gonna
:we're gonna end this soon
:but I do wanna tell you
:do you remember I went somewhere recently for you
:cause I was telling you like
:you know your life like people think you're
:I'm just just a guy out here
:no one wants to help it's snowing
:it's snowing it's snowing
:it's snowing it's not beautiful oh
:you don't like it you want me to put them things down
:no let's leave it up
:we're almost done um
:I like it no
:I don't like it
:okay go ahead
:what are you gonna say now
:I'm very angry about the weather okay
:wait we were in Las Vegas yesterday
:this sucks this sucks okay
:what here's the question
:it's about how people are treated
:based on how they look and I wanna tell you something
:oh I went somewhere oh
:are you talking
:we're talking about Home Depot
:yes yeah
:I went to Home Depot haha
:and I said
:I'm looking for a very specific type of faucet
:and the guy looks up at me like
:he's not wearing an orange apron
:like he's a customer
:that just happened to wear an orange apron
:and he goes there and I go
:I'm looking for a very specific type of sink faucet
:I would like it to be a touch one
:I need two of them
:I don't have a lot of clearance in the back of the sink
:and he goes yeah
:I don't even know if we have any of those
:why don't you check where it says faucets
:and I'm like I wanna murder this guy
:I'm trying to do something nice for you
:and I go I'd looked at faucet sir
:I just thought because if you worked here
:maybe you could point me in the direction
:of the very specific faucet
:that I need they could save me a little time
:and he goes
:just they're down there
:and I'm like wow
:and I look and I look and I don't find anything
:and then I leave and I call you and I say
:I'm upset this guy was a jerk to me
:and I I don't know how it came up
:but I go I feel like if it had been you
:he would have been like more helpful until you
:so you said well
:let me I'mma swing by and test that theory
:this guy was like and I did yeah
:yeah this guy
:I went to the same location too
:yeah and looked for the same faucet
:I know I know what happened
:I'm aware of what happened
:this guy was like why don't you come to my house
:I'll show you my bathtub no faucet
:you got white glove treatment
:everyone shall help her no
:let me help one guy
:I think he was trying to invent a touchless faucet
:cause they didn't have one
:just they falling over themselves to help you yeah
:well
:so this is the part that I struggle with with misogyny
:if you walk into that store
:it's the reverse
:you're treated like crap for doing nothing wrong
:but you're not a plumber how would you know if it's me
:yes because
:you don't even know where the equipment is located
:they should not be judgmental
:and look at you and be like
:you should know how to saw this thing in
:thank you
:and you should know how where this bolt is or whatever
:no sir you have the apron you help me
:but when I walk in there
:even if I like say I was a homebuilder
:they'd be like are you lost the nail salons this way
:but did you want paint or we have like candy up front
:I know I get offended for that
:but I actually get offended for more for the guys
:can I ask you a question you're not
:not manly because you don't know where the faucets are
:yes you you have to be totally completely honest
:what I know where you stand on um topics such as this
:you're obviously very smart
:accomplished beautiful women that is not like oh
:go get candy you go into that store
:isn't that sometimes you go oh
:this is kind of fucking nice
:actually
:what was really nice is when we were in Best Pie
:I was thinking that one haha
:when I checked for 45 minutes
:forever to get headphones in that case
:yeah and you're waiting and waiting and waiting
:I don't know where you are
:and then I look at you and I'm like
:what are you doing you're like
:I'm waiting to find someone
:I go oh
:I got this you said
:you turn to me and you go
:I'll have my breast help us find someone no
:I didn't
:you do the dumb look I turned around
:found the first guy worker and I just said
:that's it I didn't even say anything
:he's like oh
:what can I help you with yes
:you did keys I was waiting for 45 minutes
:this guy haha
:y'all all you did was turn
:so do
:would you would you admit that I think it's messed up
:but sometimes it is helpful
:well I think also
:you're gonna use all of things that you can yeah
:to your benefit as long as they don't hurt other people
:I don't think I hurt anyone
:you didn't hurt anybody
:but there's an interesting aloof and saying oh
:can you help me
:I don't think that that's hurting anyone
:I appreciate your honesty
:cause there's some women though that are like
:I never benefit from that and I don't need
:I get that there's a
:was that just a noise
:maybe one of my cameras turned off
:but um some women are like no
:that I never get anything from this
:it's all bad but can you guys
:I think that I still wish that there was Equality
:and equity across the board
:because I think the positives that I get
:are not outweighed by the negatives
:great point
:I also want to be very clear that it does go both ways
:and when I say I'm a feminist
:most men here you hate men right
:no I hate the inequality
:and when you go to a store and they treat you like crap
:it equally angers me cause that's not fair
:find them the faucet it was really rude
:I ever tell you you know
:this about me but I've been
:you know I've always been a feminist for my whole life
:and that's why that's actually why
:watch what you say no
:this is true this is true
:it's actually why I became a comedian
:so all women
:for the rest of my life would make more money than me
:I mean I guess it's funny
:not a bad one I guess
:self deprecating yeah
:you're also
:highlighting the fact that women are underpaid
:for the same work
:all right next week
:I'm afraid to ask women comedians make compared to men
:uh I mean
:is there also a pay discrepancy
:great question
:I feel like women comedians have a very shit job
:because most men don't like funny women
:yeah this is a
:we might have to table this discussion for next time
:there's a lot here um
:it's very hard for me to talk about this
:but it's true right
:I don't
:it's very hard for me to talk about this because
:I met your female friend who's comedian
:I think she's awesome she's hilarious
:Kelly Colette is my opener on the road
:she's great she was super funny
:and that's not why I troubled
:I've trouble talking about it because no
:but I just meant I finally saw
:I've never seen a female comedian before um
:dating you but then uh
:your friend Nikki said stuff about Nikki Glaser Nick
:yeah Nikki Glaser
:she said stuff in one of her acts about how like
:men comedians clean up cause like women are like
:oh with women
:with women with women
:and then female comedian she's like
:it's so much harder to be a woman comedian because man
:guys one
:don't want me to be funny
:they wanna be funnier than me
:and they want me to shut up and do whatever
:and she's pretty both of them are very successful
:successful in
:meaning that they're skilled at what they do
:yeah and they're young and attractive
:and that sucks to hear that
:well you just educated me on something
:what when you're explaining your thing
:you were saying yes
:there are a couple little positives
:but the negatives out with the positives
:and I just realized I was about to say
:because of my age and stuff
:and what's happening in the world
:all I
:all I hear is like we don't need another white guy
:it's like the most common thing
:but I'm not here to go like
:I'm being discriminated against
:because I'm a white guy like I would never say that
:but then I was just thinking like
:even if that's true
:that like I've heard that so many times
:like there's so many guys like you
:what do you
:what is it about you that we want a girl to do this or
:or a person to do that um
:but maybe you're right that the good outways
:that
:the struggles that so many women have gone through
:I think you just have to be realistic and honest
:I benefit tremendously from being a female physician
:by the way
:I get way more clients than my male counterparts
:and that wasn't the case even a decade or two ago
:but I'm in very high demand
:so be honest and I'm being honest
:no I meant like
:if I'm gonna criticize oh
:I saw your sound then you gotta go
:I sometimes did yeah
:yes like have one blind eye when it benefits you only
:that's true
:um this right ask we gotta go
:coming up on the next episode of afraid to ask
:that's why you're not supposed to sleep naked
:I think this just farted for a few seconds no
:you're not supposed to sleep naked for that reason
:because when you fart you're expelling fecal matter
:not just air
:so that particulate usually contains a lot of bacteria
:and then if you're sleeping naked
:especially with a partner
:or just in your sheets in general yeah
:you're spraying that contaminant everywhere
:you know what I think we should do
:not talk about this anymore
:I'm afraid to ask I'm afraid to ask on the podcast
:afraid to ask
:we've always provided the podcast for free
:it's been free off to this point
:I'm not kidding
:I feel like now is the time we start a Patreon
:and for like 5 bucks a month
:you don't have to hear this one haha
