Not all narcissists look the same—and some of the most dangerous ones wear masks of kindness, charm, or even faith.

In this powerful and validating episode of Not That Girl Anymore, trauma therapist and coach Dawn Bouillon peels back the layers of narcissistic abuse to reveal five often-overlooked types of narcissists: overt, covert, malignant, communal, and spiritual. If you've ever questioned your reality, doubted your instincts, or wondered if you're the problem, this episode is for you.

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Embrace Your Brave: Not all narcissists look the same.

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Embrace Your Brave: Some are loud and obvious. The ones who insult you to your face, or dominate every conversation and leave you feeling small.

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Embrace Your Brave: Others hide behind charm, kindness, and even faith.

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Embrace Your Brave: Making it that much harder to see what's really going on.

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Embrace Your Brave: And the quiet ones?

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Embrace Your Brave: They could be the most dangerous… dangerous ones of all.

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Embrace Your Brave: Hey, friends! Welcome back to Not That Girl Anymore. I'm your host, Dawn Bouillon, trauma therapist, coach, and the founder of Embrace Your Brave.

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Embrace Your Brave: If you've ever felt like you're losing your mind in a relationship, Doubting yourself?

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Embrace Your Brave: Second-guessing your instincts, feeling like somehow you're the problem.

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Embrace Your Brave: I need you to hear me out.

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Embrace Your Brave: You. Are. Not. Crazy. That's one of our mottos here.

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Embrace Your Brave: Our last episode on narcissistic abuse resonated with so many people.

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Embrace Your Brave: That we decided to do a Part 2 and continue that conversation.

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Embrace Your Brave: So today, we're pulling back the curtain on what I call the hidden faces of narcissism.

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Embrace Your Brave: The ways it shows up that most people don't talk about.

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Embrace Your Brave: And it can be so hard to spot.

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Embrace Your Brave: When you're the one living it.

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Embrace Your Brave: By the end of this episode, you'll know the 5 main types of narcissists, how they operate, and some first steps to start protecting yourself.

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Embrace Your Brave: And my hope… Is that you'll walk away feeling more clarity.

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Embrace Your Brave: Feeling more validation, and feeling more empowered to trust your gut again.

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Embrace Your Brave: So… A quick recap.

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Embrace Your Brave: Narcissistic abuse is a pattern of manipulation Control.

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Embrace Your Brave: An exploitation that chips away at your sense of self.

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Embrace Your Brave: It's not just about someone being arrogant or selfish.

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Embrace Your Brave: It's about how they systematically dismantle your confidence, your boundaries, and your reality over time.

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Embrace Your Brave: It's psychological, emotional, financial, spiritual… And sometimes physical abuse.

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Embrace Your Brave: And it's the slow erosion of trust in yourself.

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Embrace Your Brave: And because many narcissists are highly skilled at looking good on the outside, Victims often end up confused, Isolated.

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Embrace Your Brave: And questioning their own reality.

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Embrace Your Brave: And that's why I want to walk you through the different types of narcissists, so you can start to see some of those patterns for what they are.

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Embrace Your Brave: Knowing the type of narcissist you're dealing with isn't just about putting people into boxes.

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Embrace Your Brave: And it's definitely not about diagnosing anyone.

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Embrace Your Brave: Remember, You don't need a diagnosis.

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Embrace Your Brave: We're talking about patterns of harmful behavior.

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Embrace Your Brave: If it's harming you, that's what matters.

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Embrace Your Brave: Different types tend to lean on different tactics.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, the charming social one might manipulate you in public.

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Embrace Your Brave: The quiet, victim-playing one might guilt you in private.

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Embrace Your Brave: And when you can name what's happening.

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Embrace Your Brave: You stop second-guessing yourself, and you start protecting yourself.

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Embrace Your Brave: This isn't about obsessing over labels. It's about having a language.

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Embrace Your Brave: For what you've been living through.

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Embrace Your Brave: And that language makes you feel less crazy and more in control.

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Embrace Your Brave: So… The most well-known type of narcissist is the overt narcissist.

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Embrace Your Brave: This is the person that's loud, arrogant, attention-seeking.

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Embrace Your Brave: and unapologetically self-promoting, right? We know these types.

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Embrace Your Brave: They don't hide their need to dominate you. In fact, they wear it like a badge of honor.

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Embrace Your Brave: They'll interrupt you, they'll correct you, they'll dismiss you right in front of others without blinking an eye.

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Embrace Your Brave: They thrive on being the smartest, the funniest, the most important person in the room.

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Embrace Your Brave: And if the spotlight shifts off of them even a little, they'll find a way to get it back.

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Embrace Your Brave: Even if that means embarrassing you.

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Embrace Your Brave: So this is the person who constantly is talking about themselves.

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Embrace Your Brave: Talking about their achievements.

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Embrace Your Brave: Cutting you off mid-sentence. Making jokes at your expense at the dinner table.

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Embrace Your Brave: Everyone laughs, maybe even you laugh too, because you've learned that it's safer to play along.

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Embrace Your Brave: But on the inside, you feel hurt, dismissed, and small.

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Embrace Your Brave: So this is what most people think of when they think of a narcissist.

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Embrace Your Brave: You don't need a magnifying glass to spot these people.

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Embrace Your Brave: But here's the thing. Because they're so blatant, it can still be really hard to leave.

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Embrace Your Brave: Victims might normalize This, or minimize them.

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Embrace Your Brave: Or believe that speaking up will only make things worse.

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Embrace Your Brave: So that's the first type.

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Embrace Your Brave: The next type is the covert narcissist.

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Embrace Your Brave: The covert narcissist is much harder to spot.

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Embrace Your Brave: They can appear humble, Sensitive, and even self-deprecating.

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Embrace Your Brave: But under the surface, they're highly manipulative and very self-focused.

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Embrace Your Brave: This person plays the victim.

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Embrace Your Brave: To get sympathy and gain control.

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Embrace Your Brave: But, let me just say this. Covert and overt aren't totally separate boxes. The same person

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Embrace Your Brave: Can switch back and forth in both of these things, depending on the situation.

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Embrace Your Brave: So the covert narcissist, this is the analogy that I use, to describe this.

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Embrace Your Brave: This is the person that's, like, smiling at you across the table, and telling you how much they love you.

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Embrace Your Brave: But underneath the table?

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Embrace Your Brave: They're stabbing you.

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Embrace Your Brave: And you're bleeding out.

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Embrace Your Brave: And you see that.

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Embrace Your Brave: But they're telling you, oh, you're fine. Everything's fine.

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Embrace Your Brave: And from the outside, all people can see is the smile across the table.

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Embrace Your Brave: They can't see what's happening to you.

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Embrace Your Brave: Under. Neath.

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Embrace Your Brave: And this is a crazy maker for you.

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Embrace Your Brave: Because to your face, they're smiling and telling you they love you.

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Embrace Your Brave: But you can feel the dagger.

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Embrace Your Brave: in your heart. You can… you can feel that you're bleeding out. And this can be a crazy maker for you.

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Embrace Your Brave: And this leaves you feeling confused, And alone.

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Embrace Your Brave: Another place I see this, …

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Embrace Your Brave: a pretty commonplace, actually, when I'm working with people, is through text messages.

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Embrace Your Brave: You can feel a dagger through a text message that no one else can see.

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Embrace Your Brave: It can be, maybe, sarcasm, or, like, twisting your words.

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Embrace Your Brave: And when you show it to someone else, they might say, wow, they're so nice.

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Embrace Your Brave: Or, wow, they're… they're so good at communicating.

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Embrace Your Brave: But you, as the target, you experience something totally different.

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Embrace Your Brave: You know exactly what's beneath those words.

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Embrace Your Brave: And this is what we call a dog whistle. It's a coded message that's meant for you alone.

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Embrace Your Brave: That other people can't see.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, an example of this is a partner who texts, maybe, I'm just worried about you.

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Embrace Your Brave: And to everyone else, it looks… Loving.

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Embrace Your Brave: But you know it's a warning.

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Embrace Your Brave: You've seen that message before.

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Embrace Your Brave: And it always comes before, maybe, an interrogation, or a criticism, or a punishment, even.

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Embrace Your Brave: And this is masterful manipulation.

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Embrace Your Brave: And it's why part of healing is restoring trust in yourself.

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Embrace Your Brave: In your own eyes, in your own gut, because so many times, you are the only one who sees

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Embrace Your Brave: And knows it.

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Embrace Your Brave: And let me tell you this.

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Embrace Your Brave: At the end of the day, that's really all that matters. You are the most important person to see it and know it.

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Embrace Your Brave: And if you are the only one That does?

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Embrace Your Brave: That is enough.

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Embrace Your Brave: So that's the covert.

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Embrace Your Brave: Narcissist.

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Embrace Your Brave: A third type… Is the malignant.

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Embrace Your Brave: Narcissist.

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Embrace Your Brave: Now, this is a term used to describe a combination of narcissism with cruelty.

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Embrace Your Brave: control.

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Embrace Your Brave: And sometimes antisocial and sadistic traits.

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Embrace Your Brave: A malignant narcissist doesn't just want to win, They want you to lose.

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Embrace Your Brave: And they often take pleasure in watching you suffer.

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Embrace Your Brave: They use fear, threats, And humiliation as weapons.

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Embrace Your Brave: And they rarely stop when you set a boundary.

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Embrace Your Brave: They laugh at a boundary. They see a boundary as a challenge to destroy it.

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Embrace Your Brave: These are also often the ones that are willing to weaponize the legal system.

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Embrace Your Brave: They will weaponize children.

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Embrace Your Brave: and finances.

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Embrace Your Brave: And your safety.

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Embrace Your Brave: In order to maintain.

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Embrace Your Brave: Control.

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Embrace Your Brave: So they don't just need… to control.

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Embrace Your Brave: They enjoy your pain.

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Embrace Your Brave: This is where you will see stalking.

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Embrace Your Brave: And smear campaigns. And financial ruin.

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Embrace Your Brave: And sabotaging your relationships.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, an example of this, perhaps an ex-partner

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Embrace Your Brave: Who not only refuses to respect a child custody agreement.

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Embrace Your Brave: But also actively works to get you fired from your job.

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Embrace Your Brave: Or to actively turn your friends and family against you.

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Embrace Your Brave: Or to drag you through unnecessary legal battles just to watch you struggle.

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Embrace Your Brave: This is the person that might show up at your workplace, To cause a scene.

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Embrace Your Brave: All while insisting that you are the unstable one.

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Embrace Your Brave: They have no limits to what they will do to hurt you.

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Embrace Your Brave: And a malignant narcissist often they escalate.

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Embrace Your Brave: When they feel exposed or rejected.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, safety is of utmost importance for you.

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Embrace Your Brave: Safety planning and strong boundaries, it's not just helpful, it is essential for you.

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Embrace Your Brave: If this is your situation.

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Embrace Your Brave: The fourth type is what we call the communal narcissist.

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Embrace Your Brave: This person… Appears selfless, and charitable, and community-minded.

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Embrace Your Brave: But their kindness is performative and self-serving.

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Embrace Your Brave: Now, they might take on leadership roles, and they might volunteer, and they might donate Publicly.

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Embrace Your Brave: And not out of genuine care, but to be praised, and to build a spotless public image.

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Embrace Your Brave: When they do something nice or helpful.

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Embrace Your Brave: They don't just simply give. They make sure you and others will never forget it.

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Embrace Your Brave: They'll remind you of it over and over.

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Embrace Your Brave: So those good deeds become leverage to guilt you, control you, or manipulate you later.

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Embrace Your Brave: Especially when money is involved, there is a clear message

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Embrace Your Brave: You owe me, and there's always strings attached.

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Embrace Your Brave: Behind closed doors, they can be cruel, Critical and controlling.

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Embrace Your Brave: But if you speak up, You look like the ungrateful one, attacking a good person.

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Embrace Your Brave: So… An example of this.

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Embrace Your Brave: A person prays for generosity.

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Embrace Your Brave: Who shames or belittles their family at home.

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Embrace Your Brave: Or a spouse or a parent who insists you join them for a photo op.

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Embrace Your Brave: very public.

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Embrace Your Brave: But ignores you and treats you with contempt in private.

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Embrace Your Brave: Their public good deeds are a shield against accountability.

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Embrace Your Brave: And making it nearly impossible for others to believe you.

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Embrace Your Brave: So this is what we call a communal narcissist.

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Embrace Your Brave: They look good in public.

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Embrace Your Brave: But behind the scenes, it's something different.

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Embrace Your Brave: A fifth type… That we'll talk about today.

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Embrace Your Brave: The spiritual narcissist. Or the religious narcissist.

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Embrace Your Brave: This is one who uses faith to control shame, and elevate themselves.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, a spiritual narcissist will use religion, Scripture.

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Embrace Your Brave: Her spiritual authority to control, shame, And exploit others.

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Embrace Your Brave: This can be a pastor, A partner?

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Embrace Your Brave: Or a church member. Anyone who twists spiritual language to dominate rather than to serve.

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Embrace Your Brave: A horrific example of this, and one I've seen far too many times.

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Embrace Your Brave: is a spouse who uses Scripture.

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Embrace Your Brave: To force sex from their partner.

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Embrace Your Brave: Or to coerce that out of you, to manipulate you, to guilt you, perhaps telling you that it's your duty to meet their needs.

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Embrace Your Brave: This one… this example just makes me sick to my stomach. It's disgusting.

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Embrace Your Brave: And the way that this damages people.

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Embrace Your Brave: And especially women that I know.

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Embrace Your Brave: It's just… it's just horrific.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, this is a form of abuse that's particularly damaging because it targets your deepest values.

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Embrace Your Brave: It can damage your relationship with God.

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Embrace Your Brave: in your community. It leaves you not only doubting yourself, but sometimes even doubting your worth before God.

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Embrace Your Brave: So that's the spiritual narcissist.

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Embrace Your Brave: You might have experienced one of these, or all of these, or pieces of several of these. And listen, they don't always fit neatly into one category or another.

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Embrace Your Brave: But once you see these patterns, you can't unsee them.

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Embrace Your Brave: And that is a really good thing.

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Embrace Your Brave: Part of why narcissistic abuse is so hard to identify.

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Embrace Your Brave: Is because we don't know all the faces that it can have.

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Embrace Your Brave: It's not just the obvious, loud version.

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Embrace Your Brave: It's also the quiet.

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Embrace Your Brave: Version that hides behind kindness or faith.

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Embrace Your Brave: These people can be so convincing in public, and they can get other people to side with them because of that.

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Embrace Your Brave: And that leaves you feeling isolated and doubting yourself.

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Embrace Your Brave: This double life.

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Embrace Your Brave: Is one of the hardest parts for survivors, because then it makes you wonder, if this person is so wonderful to everyone else.

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Embrace Your Brave: What is it about me?

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Embrace Your Brave: Maybe I am the problem.

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Embrace Your Brave: And let me just stop you right there and say no.

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Embrace Your Brave: No, no, you're not.

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Embrace Your Brave: So how do we protect ourself, Dawn? What do we… what do we do?

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Embrace Your Brave: And we're just gonna start somewhere with some small things that we can do to start protecting you.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, number one, notice the patterns and not the promises.

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Embrace Your Brave: Abusers?

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Embrace Your Brave: aren't bad all the time. They aren't mean all the time. Abusers can have good days, right?

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Embrace Your Brave: And they can say all the right things, they can even apologize, and they can even cry.

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Embrace Your Brave: Right.

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Embrace Your Brave: But healing starts when we focus on not just… Things that are said.

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Embrace Your Brave: But what they consistently do over time.

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Embrace Your Brave: Not just on their words, or their occasional good moments.

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Embrace Your Brave: I tell my clients, I say, look, We believe actions, not words.

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Embrace Your Brave: And because of this, what I recommend Is writing things down.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, keep a private log of the incidents that happen.

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Embrace Your Brave: Of the way it makes you feel. Of the dates and the times and… and all the things that…

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Embrace Your Brave: will remind you of what has happened. Because over time, you'll start to see the cycle more clearly.

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Embrace Your Brave: And that will make it more difficult to be gaslit by this person.

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Embrace Your Brave: I think writing things down is super important, because in our traumatized state.

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Embrace Your Brave: Our memory starts to shut down, and we will genuinely forget what happened.

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Embrace Your Brave: And what happens then is we will put ourselves right back in that harmful Situation.

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Embrace Your Brave: Because we will literally forget.

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Embrace Your Brave: It's also why I recommend having a safe person or safe people to talk to that don't forget

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Embrace Your Brave: So that they can remind you.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, we notice patterns, not the promises.

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Embrace Your Brave: Number 2, and we've talked about this before, Trust your body.

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Embrace Your Brave: Entrust your body's warning signals.

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Embrace Your Brave: Your body knows before your brain can catch up at all.

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Embrace Your Brave: So pay attention to your body, and signs like your heart racing, or that pit in your stomach. You know that pit in your stomach where you just feel sick?

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Embrace Your Brave: To your stomach, and your gut.

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Embrace Your Brave: Listen to that. Pay attention to that. That's there for a reason.

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Embrace Your Brave: It can also look like headaches, or feeling frozen when you're around this person, or even thinking about this person.

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Embrace Your Brave: You don't have to justify why you feel unsafe.

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Embrace Your Brave: Just trust it. Your nervous system is picking up on something that's real.

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Embrace Your Brave: So acknowledge these sensations instead of dismissing them.

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Embrace Your Brave: Reconnect with your body. Listen to your body.

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Embrace Your Brave: And honor what your body is telling you.

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Embrace Your Brave: And number 3, stop over-explaining or defending.

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Embrace Your Brave: People who respect you don't require you to explain your boundaries over and over.

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Embrace Your Brave: And here's the thing.

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Embrace Your Brave: Abusers will take your explanations as opportunities to twist your words and pull you right back into the argument.

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Embrace Your Brave: Right? And then we're in this circular conversation that goes nowhere.

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Embrace Your Brave: So think of this… this acronym.

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Embrace Your Brave: called Jade.

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Embrace Your Brave: So you don't need to justify… Argue, defend, or explain yourself.

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Embrace Your Brave: Instead, Practice short, clear responses like this.

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Embrace Your Brave: Nope, that doesn't work for me.

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Embrace Your Brave: I'm not available for this conversation.

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Embrace Your Brave: We see things differently.

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Embrace Your Brave: Don't waste your breath trying to convince them of anything.

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Embrace Your Brave: You're never going to succeed in that.

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Embrace Your Brave: And number 4.

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Embrace Your Brave: Create and guard safe support.

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Embrace Your Brave: Healing is faster and safer when you're surrounded by people who believe you.

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Embrace Your Brave: So identify at least one person who is safe to talk to. Someone who listens without judgment.

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Embrace Your Brave: Someone who does not pressure you to just forgive this person, or say it's not that bad, or minimize your pain.

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Embrace Your Brave: And if you can, I definitely recommend a support group.

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Embrace Your Brave: Or finding a group of survivors of abuse, and being with people who get it.

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Embrace Your Brave: Without you having to explain Anything or everything.

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Embrace Your Brave: This can be a life-changing.

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Embrace Your Brave: Experience.

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Embrace Your Brave: Number 5. Limit or cut off access to your inner world.

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Embrace Your Brave: I find that many of us, we, value honesty.

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Embrace Your Brave: And loyalty?

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Embrace Your Brave: And sometimes to a fault, because unsafe people don't

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Embrace Your Brave: Deserve our honesty, or our loyalty, or our vulnerability.

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Embrace Your Brave: The less information A narcissist has about your feelings, or your plans.

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Embrace Your Brave: Or any of your vulnerabilities, the less ammunition they have to hurt you with.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, less… is more.

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Embrace Your Brave: Practice the gray rock.

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Embrace Your Brave: Which is giving neutral, minimal responses.

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Embrace Your Brave: And listen, sometimes… When it's possible, Go no contact.

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Embrace Your Brave: If you can't go no contact because of, maybe, children or other things that keep you, Connected.

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Embrace Your Brave: Then learn to keep communication short.

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Embrace Your Brave: And factual, and only about the logistics.

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Embrace Your Brave: So… Limit or cut off access to your inner world.

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Embrace Your Brave: And number 6… Stay safe.

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Embrace Your Brave: If you're dealing with someone, Who's violent? Or unpredictable, or physically aggressive?

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Embrace Your Brave: Have a plan.

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Embrace Your Brave: For where you can go and who you can call in an emergency.

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Embrace Your Brave: Also, save important documents. Save money.

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Embrace Your Brave: Any essentials?

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Embrace Your Brave: In a safe place that you can access quickly.

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Embrace Your Brave: I know this might sound dramatic, but it's not about being dramatic, it's about being prepared.

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Embrace Your Brave: People that don't understand this, It's because they haven't experienced this.

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Embrace Your Brave: But listen, listen to yourself, listen to your gut, listen to what I'm saying.

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Embrace Your Brave: It is good and right to be safe and prepared.

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Embrace Your Brave: Ugh.

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Embrace Your Brave: And that's part of taking your power back, okay? Education is power.

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Embrace Your Brave: Stay educated.

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Embrace Your Brave: Find people that understand.

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Embrace Your Brave: Be prepared.

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Embrace Your Brave: Listen to your gut. Listen to your body.

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Embrace Your Brave: Okay.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, just a quick recap. We have just walked through 5 hidden faces of narcissism.

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Embrace Your Brave: The overt, the covert, the malignant, the communal, and the spiritual.

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Embrace Your Brave: My hope is that now you have a language for what you've experienced, and now you have the beginning of a plan to protect yourself.

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Embrace Your Brave: If no one has told you this today, You. Matter.

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Embrace Your Brave: And your pain matters, and what's happening to you is real.

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Embrace Your Brave: And it's not your fault.

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Embrace Your Brave: You deserve to be safe.

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Embrace Your Brave: and whole.

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Embrace Your Brave: And free.

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Embrace Your Brave: And… If you are ready.

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Embrace Your Brave: To go deeper with this, or you're ready to find your people, find your support.

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Embrace Your Brave: Find your place where you can be educated and empowered.

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Embrace Your Brave: I have a coaching group that's called Reclaiming You.

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Embrace Your Brave: And it is designed to help you untangle, The confusion.

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Embrace Your Brave: To rebuild your sense of self.

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Embrace Your Brave: And to find your voice again.

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Embrace Your Brave: You can find the details for all of this on our website, embraceYourBrave.org, and I would love for you to start your journey.

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Embrace Your Brave: And to start your, your road to healing.

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Embrace Your Brave: Back to you.

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Embrace Your Brave: So, since there seems to be some interest in this narcissistic abuse thing, then we're gonna keep talking about it. I'm gonna have people on, sharing their stories, and sharing their heart, and sharing their passions around.

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Embrace Your Brave: This particular topic.

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Embrace Your Brave: …

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Embrace Your Brave: And I think next time we're gonna start talking about what are some of the tactics, what are some of those things that narcissists use to keep you hooked?

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Embrace Your Brave: And we'll just keep educating ourselves. We'll keep talking about this. We'll create… we'll keep creating a safe space.

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Embrace Your Brave: To talk about this, and for you to see that you're not alone in any of this.

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Embrace Your Brave: So remember, I'm right here walking alongside of you. We're gonna do this together.

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Embrace Your Brave: You are not crazy. It's one of our mottos here.

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Embrace Your Brave: You're not alone.

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Embrace Your Brave: And… You're not that girl anymore.