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John Adams on Changing the Conversation Around Dads in the Media
Episode 2625th February 2021 • Podcaster Stories • Danny Brown
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This week, I sit down with John Adams, host of DadPodUK, a fatherhood and family life podcast that shares the different, unique experiences of fatherhood.

John's podcast comes from being a stay-at-home dad for 10 years, and the conversations he's had with other dads around the various challenges they face as dads in an increasingly changing world.

Topics up for discussion this week include:

  • how lockdown encouraged him to start the show
  • the most emotionally-charged interview he's done to date
  • why he wants to change the conversations around dads in the media
  • how he and his wife made the decision for John to be a stay-at-home dad
  • how his dad blog led to a charity event at Downing Street in London
  • why finding guests can be a challenge for him
  • why his show is so geared towards breaking down stereotypes
  • why we need to be having more discussions about race and ethnicity at home
  • how lockdown added extra difficulties for his eldest daughter and her changing school levels 
  • why he believes Covid will offer positive opportunities for change with this generation
  • why he believes flexible working should be available to parents
  • how lockdown has enabled a new dynamic at home for his wife
  • how he manages difficult conversations as a dad to two daughters
  • why he feels fathers are in a strong position to talk to daughters about periods and menstruation
  • how different countries can be when it comes to gender equality
  • what his plans are for the future of his podcast
  • where he sees Clubhouse fitting into the podcast ecosystem
  • why he's in no rush to make video podcasts

Join me for an educational chat about fatherhood, fear of becoming invisible, the 21st century family dynamic, and more.

Connect with John:

Contact me: danny@podcasterstories.com

My equipment:

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This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:

Podder - https://www.podderapp.com/privacy-policy
Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy
Podtrac - https://analytics.podtrac.com/privacy-policy-gdrp

Transcripts

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Hmm, this is a generation. It is never going to

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work nine to five in an office or workplace, you

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know, that they, they can just want to hang on.

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I could be schooled remotely. Why can't, why can't I

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work remotely? And also the online etiquette skills that these

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kids are developing are going to be second to none.

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I was talking to another date about it. See, the

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day that, you know, with all of the experiences they're

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getting, there are probably going to be better than the

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most adults or a meat. You know, that those kids

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that had just left the university, the spent so much

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time online, this is just what they do.

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Hi and welcome to Podcaster. Stories each episode we will

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have a conversation with Podcast is from across the globe

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and share their story. What motivates them by the start

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to the show are the crucial And More will also

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talk about their personal lives and some of the things

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that have happened to have made them the person they

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are today. And now here's your host Danny Brown hi,

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and welcome to Podcaster. Stories where we get to meet

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the people behind the voices of the show is we

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will listen to this weak. I'm talking to John Adams

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who's host of DadPodUK the UK, a fatherhood and family

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life podcast that shares the different unique experiences of fatherhood.

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John welcome to the show you, how about you introduce

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yourself and tell us a bit about your podcast.

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Well, hi, Danny well, first of all, thanks for having

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me on the, on your podcast. So DadPodUK, CA, I

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launched it towards the end of 2020. I'd been meaning

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to, to launch a podcast for a little while. And

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as you say, it is a, it's an audio podcast.

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Audio only. I prefer them that way myself. And what

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I do is I speak to a different father in

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each episode. And I do go out and out of

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my way to try and interview fathers who have got

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a particular experience or story to tell you their opinion.

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So the sorts of individuals I have interviewed so far,

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it was a chap called Lee sands, who is actually

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a stepdad.

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Then I'll talk about that in a bit more in

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a moment, but I also have also spoken to a

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chap called Ryan who is not only in a same-sex

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relationship, but also an adoptive father. So the various different

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angles. When, when I spoke to him, I spoken to

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a guy who guy called David break spear. That was

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a fascinating interview. Now he had spent much of his

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adult life in prison. So it actually missed a lot

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of his children growing up. So getting to learn about

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the impact on family life, when dad was incarcerated was

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fascinating.

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And, and the person that I've most recently spoken to,

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which is probably the most emotionally charged interview I've done

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to date with, with a guy called Dan white, who

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has a daughter with a number of different disabilities. And

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we spoke about what it's like to raise a disabled

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child. And, and, and the feedback I've had in that

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episode is that some people actually find it quite hard

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listening, because Dan was just so candid about the challenges

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that he has to the point where he just admitted

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as a, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm on anti-depressants and

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obviously I've checked with him before or after that. You

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happy for this to, to be included in the podcast,

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but he was very happy with that. So it's just,

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for me, it's just a fascinating, Dads tend to be

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presented in the media as quite two D characters.

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And yet actually you, haven't got to scratch too far

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under the surface to find out that essentially, every man

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who is a father, he has this unique story behind

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him. And I'm not saying that that doesn't apply to

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mother's as well. I'm in every mother who has got

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their own stories, just, you know, in my own background

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is, is, you know, I don't have a dad myself.

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And my background is a as originally a blogger looking

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at fatherhood. So I'm, I was just keen to shine

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the light on the, on all the different experiences and,

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and types of fathers that are out there.

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And you had mentioned that you're a blogger. I know

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you have your actual.blog UK, or at least at that

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point, you, kate.com has been gone for about eight years

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now. And I believe as you mentioned a podcast or

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since the late last year, so it was the, podcast's

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like a natural evolution of the next stage of the

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blog, or what was the, how, how did you come

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up with the show idea on top of the blog

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then?

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Yeah, I know that that's a really good question. I

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started when I have to really go back a little

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bit further than that, because I essentially to cut a

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long story. Short, became a stay at home, dad, my

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wife with my wife and I had a very brutally

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practical decision that she had more, only potential. So I

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would give up my role and concentrate on family and

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home. And we had a blazing Rowe, you know, sort

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of pick up on your own Scottish accent there Danny

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he had a blazing, her own pizza expressing Glasgow, but

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she eventually actually realized that this is not a bad

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idea.

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And so I became a stay at home. Dad. I

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did that for about a year, and I've just noticed

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it with all these, I face a lot of casual

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sexism. The world is basically not set up to accept

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that men can be caregivers, two children, and it's a

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very lonely experience. And I faced a number of, as

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I say, sexist experiences, and I started blogging about it.

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And initially it was quite Randy. If I can be

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honest though, it was some way to, to get my

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feelings off my chest and to my mates and people

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are actually started reading What.

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I was put in together and I sent myself a

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limit. I said, if in three I've achieved nothing, I'm

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gonna stop in this blogging. I didn't say what those

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achievements should be, or just in three months, if I

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haven't and I will. And to my amazement, within three

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months, I found myself at a charity reception at number

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10 Downing street, which of course is the, the, the,

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the UK residents of have the prime minister whose name

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we won't mention. And I've realized it was sort of

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you, you know, they're having achieved that in that space

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on my room. So it was really honest with me.

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So I kept doing it and the, the blog grew

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and that I can just get to be a big

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head that if I say too much about it, it,

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it was one of the few wards along the way.

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And it has taken me from everywhere from Canada in

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the West end to Australia or in the East and

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various places in between. And it's been the most amazing

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experience. But over the past two or three years, I

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have increasingly got listening to podcasts. And I would very

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often listened to podcasts while doing the housework, which I

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think is partly why I prefer Audio podcasts, because it's

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easier to put them on a speaker or headphones as

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you, as you're working. And I just thought, you know,

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I have a really fancy giving this a go because

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I used to be a juror and that I still

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got a bit of broadcast media experience anyway. Oh, you

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do you know, I'm, I'm gonna try this.

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I do actually have an agent that gets me work

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for my, for my blog in my agents. Weren't particularly

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keen on me starting a podcast. Now I'm gonna get

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in trouble for admitting that. And now all the time

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that they don't listen, sorry, B and K. And, but

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yeah, I thought I was going to give this a

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shot. And I think ultimately I think what it was,

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you know, a lockdown happened and, you know, everybody had

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these crazy ideas didn't, they drew knocked down through our

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I'm gonna do something new. So I started, I started

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the podcast and it has gone off in, so I

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have an idea of a sort of interviewing that was,

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and I thought, I don't really make it a mini

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series a, but actually I really loved it. I really

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enjoyed it. And I'm sticking with it. And I am

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going to be producing regular, regular episodes going forward.

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As you mentioned it earlier, or you've had a wide

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variety, obviously the old Dads, but we have a wide

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variety of experience and still have to tell, and you

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had mentioned it Yourself, you know what? It's like, you're

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in a stepfather and the challenge of same-sex here in

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town. And obviously if there was a recent, One what

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it means to be a black dad and a very

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privileged society, there is not set up for, you know,

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people of color. And in general, how did you go

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about finding guests? And, and what's a process of what

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stories do you want to share on the podcast?

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All right. Danny I have to say, actually that is

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a, that is quite a challenge because I know, I

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guess it's almost a lesson I learnt through blogging. I

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have a regular series on my blog called the blogger,

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UK Q and a, and where I interview people who

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have an interesting opinion or some expertise in the field

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of families or health, actually, I keep it sorta limited

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to those too, and try and I I learned in

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it. So you can be approached by Pro people who

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want to push that the clients, and they have been

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one or two interviews I did for the day blog,

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M U K Q and a half a year here

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is where the people I interviewed didn't actually turn out

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to be that great.

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So where would the Podcast I do actually take a

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lot of time and effort to get the right guest.

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I'm the editor. So do you just mentioned, there were

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I interviewed Elliot RE about being a, a black father

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within the UK. Hi, I'm Elliott. And I know we,

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we know each other in any way, the way he

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runs a, a, a sort of father, the network wouldn't

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use it as a football fatherhood. I do check it

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out as she did it. It's, it's a very good,

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or the music of football fatherhood. Ear a solely open

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to a ethnic minority communities.

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It, a user base has about 60% a year now

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from ethnic minorities and Elliot himself as a diversity and

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inclusion specialist. So he was ideal for this. So I

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was very lucky the 82 to agree to do it.

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The, the, the, the one that I took me ages

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to actually find a father, he would speak to, to

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me, was the interview with David spur break spear, who

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was the dad who had been in prison. I couldn't

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get charities who would agree to it. And of course,

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serving inmates can't have any contact with the media. So

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they were off the hook, the record, or, or they

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were off, off the menu. So that took me ages.

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And actually they are gone through all sorts of channels

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via LinkedIn, 10, trying to Contact reformed criminals and so

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on and so forth.

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And eventually I know there was something that I haven't

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done it, I've just done a quick Twitter search and

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sure enough, David came up and I messaged him and

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he was, he was good to go, but it took

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me ages to actually reach that point. But I, I

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am a fussy, there'll be one or two where I've

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had to turn down all, you know, not recorded them.

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But I don't know. I think it's because I'm so

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fast, but what I'm going in with it. So I've

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got a very, you could put a meter coming up.

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I've got an interview with a dad whose child was

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conceived via IVF. One that I'm really looking forward to,

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although it may be very, very niche is I'm going

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to be interviewing a, a dad who his wife is

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actually quite a senior cleric in the church of England.

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Because just, you know, you, there are all these stereotypes

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about the Vicar's wife, but what's it like if the

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roll is reversed. So for the, for North American audience,

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is there a vicar, a priest, right. You know, there

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are so, yeah, I, I think that that will be

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quite an interesting one. So it's, it's a case of

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coming out a sort of slightly off beat may be

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interesting, you know, just, just coming up with those who

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aren't very often interviewed

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And I can imagine as well, because of the, sometimes

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the topics that you're talking about, but as you mentioned,

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that they can get very raw and emotional. How have

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you found that there's been any topics that Dads don't

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want to talk about on the show or that have

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been pretty good so far?

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No, there, there have been pretty good so far in,

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in terms of rural and emotional, the one standard interview

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where there's Dan white, who is who, who has Emily.

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He has his daughter who's in, it has some, some

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disability, but the other one was actually a guy called

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Dr. Robin Hadley, who is the only non father who

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I've interviewed. No, I interviewed him because he is involuntary

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childless. He is always wanted children, but circumstances meant that

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it has never happened. And he's now in his sixties.

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And he's actually turned to the study of involuntarily. Childless

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may turn into an, into his own academic research or

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show me that she is seen to a field of

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academic research.

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And that, that was very emotional. I mean, Robin has

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got quite a track record or speaking to the Media,

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so I didn't expect it to be any problems, but

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no, I have, I haven't, as of yet come across

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anyone, who's just refuse to talk about this subject or,

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you know, they have agreed to them. And I think

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that's partly, partly because like I say, I'm very fussy

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and that I vet people and I'm, I briefed him

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as well. You know, I will say, I'm gonna ask

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you X, Y and Zed. You know, I know what

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I want to get out of the Podcast. I should

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add where it has the most of the time I

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used to be a journalist. So I'm quite used to

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asking the questions

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And also I've got a great research schools as well.

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So that's kind of, that's always a kind of help.

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So obviously you mentioned it earlier that made, you made

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the decision to be the stay at home dad for

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your two kids and your gas or Dads himself. So

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is there anything that you've taken from your guests experience

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that you've sort of implemented into your own teaching? Are

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you now, or is in your own, your own kids?

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The interview with Elliot RE the, the, the book about

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his experiences is a black father. It did get me

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thinking about whether we should be having more discussions about

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race and ethnicity at home. And my, we are in

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a white family and I've got all sorts of all

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of you. My, my background is incredibly mixed as that

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happens, but I am a, I am a White, but

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listening to what Elliott had to say on the subject

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did just, it, it got me thinking, the actually we

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liked to think we're living with in the same planet

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at the same country in having similar experiences.

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But it actually went when Elliot was saying he he's

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walking around shop and he knows he is being followed

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by the security staff because of the color of his

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skin. And he has to worry about how his daughter

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is spoken to, and that he wouldn't want to live

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in that exclusively. Why is community? Because he would want

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to live and, and make sure that there were people

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around him who had had the similar life experiences. It

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just sort of got me, it made me sort of

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realize just how different actually our life experiences can be,

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and that this should be shared with my children. So

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that is something that I have taken away at a

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greater exploration of a race, ethnicity, ethnicity, And, and having

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a greater understanding.

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And, and I certainly mean the discussion. And you mentioned

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about RE should always be the top of my mind,

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but I think in, in the UK at the moment

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of the racial abuse, It sports stars are going through

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some of the football player's that they send the papers.

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But again, you know, like Marcus Rashford did a great

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thing also with a a hundred kids and making sure

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that there was a movement to feed hundred kids, and

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he still got abused because of that. So when it

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shouldn't be involved, because it is the wrong call and

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you think really, you just can't put your head to

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that, that mindset.

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No, you can't do it. And especially when you, you

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don't, you know, Marcus Rashford has made it made no

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secret about his background, either in a single-parent family with

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a w w with a mom who has struggled. I

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did it, you know, it clearly he did an exceptionally

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good job, but I don't think there is any equipment

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look at the individual she raised, but, you know, your

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rights w I mean, he knows what he's talking about.

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It, he lived in it

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One, imagine you'd mentioned LLI as we were speaking, and

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then the green room, or you're under, what will it

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be at the same? We are under locked on at

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the moment. How has that been deaf? What difference is

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that know brought to the day that the sort of

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let me get my teeth. And what difference is is

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that we get to the dynamic of raising your kids

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under, you know, what's been going on, I guess, and

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the last 12 months or so.

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Oh, a dreary and really at wit's end now, well,

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at the situation in the UK, we, as a family

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who has an added complication in that our oldest daughter,

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Hellen, who is 11, we started secondary school or a

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high school. I was, I guess you could probably call

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it in, in, in North America. So she's left a,

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what would you call it? An elementary school? Primary school

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in the elementary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she she's left

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that environment and to go to secondary school, but of

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course that the schools in Britain was shut down towards

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the end of March last year.

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So her primary school, we thought her primary schooling had

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just come to an end in March. And he thought

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that that was it. In fact, in the way that

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they, the certain age groups were cherry picked and did

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actually return to school for one months of schooling during

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the month of June. And Helen's a year group was

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one of them. So she had several months of have

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what was at that time, actually homeschooling. Well, I had

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to move my, my computer down onto the dining room

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table. And I had to sit down with both my

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daughters and we did the, the tasks at the school

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set.

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They very rarely lasted the whole school day, but, and

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it was very much kind of a, it, it was

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really thrown together at speed. I mean, they actually, by

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daughters' school was, it was one of the better ones,

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but it was things were throwing together at, at speed.

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So she's face the challenge of starting secondary school having

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had that end to her, her elementary school years. But

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she had gone to, to, to the secondary school, having

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to abide by one way systems having to wear face

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masks with certain groups of pupils at certain times, having

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to be removed from school and being ordered to spend

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two weeks at home.

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There's been no after school activities and their sports activities.

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And my, for my youngest daughter, she didn't return to

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school again until September. So she has gone up a

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school year having not really finished the previous school year.

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And then it was just essentially from December and the

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school's closed down from the Christmas holidays. They haven't reopened

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since, but they've gone to remote school in this time.

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And this time there are Mo and I use that

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term specifically because this time there were alive lessons and

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there was much more interaction with, with their class and

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they're teachers.

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And they had the head teachers and its a much

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more structured school day and the kids are actually getting

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some learning out of it. I mean it's no, it's

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not, it doesn't replicate what they should be doing it

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at school. But that's been in a situation since December.

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Really my concern isn't actually so much for how much

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they were going to miss academically. My concern is that

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the impact on their social development, 'cause the added thing.

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And I don't know how the, the, the, the lockdown

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is over there Danny but over here are basically since

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December and everything has been shot. So all non-essential retail

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has been shot.

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You cannot meet with your neighbors. You can go to

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the supermarket to buy clothes a lot. So you can

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go to a supermarket of, but you don't go to

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see my most of my clothes go to see the

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market to buy food, but the kids can't see their

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friends. They can't make sure that their friends are coming

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out with their family. We can go out and exercise,

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but that's all you were allowed to do. And my

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real concern is how their, their social development, what impact

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this is having on their, on their social development. And

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in fact, my youngest daughter said to me that the

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day that she wishes she could get a time machine

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so that she could go forward and just skip the

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Corona You years, what's left with them.

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And I think one thing that I don't know, obviously,

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no, what, what message you were being given out there

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in Canada, but Corona virus is a virus we've seen

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several variants come up already where the vaccines that are

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being rolled out will provide some protection tool, but in

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not necessarily, I think we were having to prepare for

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the fact that this is a disease and possibly the

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first we are experiencing in the Western world where we

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are not getting rid of it and having Corona virus

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testing kits in the family medicine cupboard is going to

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be as common as plasters and skin healing cream and

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cold remedies.

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And that's gonna be the future. And it's a brighter

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future. Once, once we have all been vaccinated, but it

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ain't going away, it's a disease, we've got to live

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with it. And so I know the skills that go

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back to the school year. So we'll mix again, but

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we are not getting rid of it. I don't think

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No, no. And that's an interesting point. You mentioned about

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the, the social aspect, our son he's 11. So same

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as usual a urologist. And he is very much a

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social butterfly. So he likes to go out and play

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football and you're like steam mixed with his friends and

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he's on a football rep football team over here. And

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he's missed all that because we were under the same

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lockdown instructions that are under and were sitting there impact

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on him. You know, he is he's real to become

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more prone to out person stuff. And it is not

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like that. Or, you know, so I completely agree with

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this. I think when we look back in years to

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come, there is definitely going to be a huge spike

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in say mental health issues are, you know, there are

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the social aspect on the kids are trying to go

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through this.

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There is a, it is going to, it is a

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huge worry. On the other hand, I have of unfortunate,

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not being able to put this into my podcast and

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in a suitable way yet, but it will happen, but

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I have put it on my blog and there's a

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lot of focus and quite rightly on the negative aspects

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of, of Covid. We all know people who have had

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it and had it very badly. And, and, and I'm

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sure some listeners were, unfortunately, people who have passed away,

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I got it got long Covid and so on, but

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I do predict this is going to be a fascinating

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generation to watch because there for my own education is

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getting the life pummeled out of it, but they aren't

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getting the most fascinating in formal education in, you know,

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I don't know what you're done with your kid's Danny,

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but I'm getting my kids to use the washing machine,

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the tumble dryer, and, you know, getting into the cooking

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and baking and their getting a lesson in resilience, tolerance,

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understanding, and also a, when they're doing their remote learning,

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you know, this, you got to think about it.

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You've got this generation of kids from the age of

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like four to sort of 20 to 23 university age,

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who of all, and they've now had two academic years

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punctuated with huge spells of remote learning. This is the

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generation that is never going to work nine to five

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in an office or workplace, you know, that they just

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want to hang on. It can be schooled remotely. Why

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can't I, why can't I work remote? And also the

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online etiquette skills that these kids are developing are going

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to be second to none. I was told to know

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the data about it to you the day that the,

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you know, th with all the experiences they are getting

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there, probably going to be better than the most adults

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or a meat.

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You know, that those kids who have just left the

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university, they spent so much time online. This is just

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what they do.

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That's a great point. You raise about the, the remote

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and what the generation is going to be. Like I

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know here in Canada, there was a huge discussion at

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the moment about universal basic income and enabling people to

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be ready for something like this. So they can stay

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at home and, you know, bring the virus spread down

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because they were at home so that they do not

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have to go to work sick, or they're not to

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go to school sick, because I know what we are

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as parents, we could be guilty of sending kids to

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school with a runny nose when really they should be

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at home so that the not making any money off

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sick. So it's gonna be like you say, well, that's

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a great point about what's, what's the, the benefits of

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the society as a whole, from this, what, what are

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we gonna take from the lesson's as we move forward.

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I'm really glad to hear that having that conversation in

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Canada, that the Irish we're having a similar conversation. And

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unfortunately the government in the UK, I don't know if

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I've hidden this well so far, but I've got very

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little time for the, the, the, the one concern seems

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to be, to forcing people back to the office that

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they'll buy sandwiches and keep major sandwich retailers alive. Actually,

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I see, great. Danny, we've gotten way off topic regarding

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the podcast, but I actually, this is a huge, I'm

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one of the things I do I'm actually involved with,

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with LinkedIn as a change maker. One of the things

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I'm involved in the campaigning for is to make flexible,

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working more available to anybody, with caring responsibilities.

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And one of the points I've made with my campaigning

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work with LinkedIn is, is it a different situation than

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Canada, but in the UK, obviously we've got a much

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more compact population base where people commute into the cities

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every day to work well with COVID with people working

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from home and people not wanting to go back to

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work in the city is five days a week. We've

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got this opportunity to actually take these businesses and to

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relocate all, to have small, independent businesses open up in

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the provinces where people that are actually working on at

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home so that you can work on at home, you

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can go to your local coffee shop instead of having

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to buy a Starbucks.

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You can buy a snake from a family, run business,

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you know, the long-term possibilities, or, you know, that I

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think some good can come out of it. So it's

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obviously, it's, it's a tragedy for us, for the many,

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many people who were involved, who have fallen ill with

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Covid. But that, that there are some good could come

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out of this.

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So you mentioned to get back to the topic because

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you did, so that will hold up. So that was

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my fault. So I, for drifting you off there, you

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had mentioned it, obviously, if you have been a stay

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at home dad for 10 years, and what, what do

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you, what did you find? How have you found that

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the fact that because of the lockdowns, you've had more

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quality time to be involved with your daughter's and what

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they were learning from a lifer point of view, as

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opposed to a window we're going to school regularly, and

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then coming back. So you were seeing them maybe less

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in June the day, what it is now you're seeing

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them, or what's, how has that benefited you yourself as

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a, as a dad

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W right. I'm going to probably totally confused you here

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and say for me, it hasn't, but for my wife,

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Amy has been a huge change. Actually 'cause my wife

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would leave the house to sort of half six in

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the morning. She'd get back at about seven o'clock at

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night, normally prior to, to Covid. But for the past

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year, she has been working from home. So actually, when

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the kids have been going to school, she has been

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around in the mornings to help me get them ready.

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And she has been around in the evenings to help

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them with, with school work.

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And we have a done more activity's as a family,

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within locked down rules, which had the minute, it means

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we can actually do much more than go out for

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a walk together. But that has happened pretty much every,

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you know, every day. So for my wife, Jill, she's

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got to spend a lot more time with the kids.

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I suppose, if I were to get all deep and

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meaningful about this, I think what I have taken away

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from this is I could, should, and am relaxing a

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bit more with the kids, I guess I'd possibly, I

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always felt under pressure that every activity should be education

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or, or every activity should be.

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Yeah. Let's just say for your activity, activities should be

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educational when actually, no, it doesn't have to be. And

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yes, I will cook my kids pancakes every day for

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breakfast while I can. 'cause why not? Why not? I'm

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not going to get the chance to do this anymore.

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They want, they want them. It's been a bit of

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fun. Actually. We waste a lot less milk as a

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family in cakes compared to the breakfast cereal.

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What about my, daughter's got some pancakes on to go

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upstairs, but she's here. So this is the first time

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I've actually gone back to your point about, you know,

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learning life lessons and she's eight or nine, you know

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what she is? She's nine. Now she took on the

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name of this month about me. So she's, she is

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making pancakes that you have, you've got two daughters. And

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you had mentioned earlier about the, the same sex parent

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guests from, from your shore. How how's your day, if

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you've got a boy and a girl saw, what we

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were trying to do is we were trying to be

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gender neutral and there is no pink for girls blue

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for boys, all that kinda stuff. And we try to,

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you know, knock them on the head of it. It

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comes up in the TV or whatever. How has that

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been for, for yourself as a father to two girls

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as these, these kind of conversations that have come up

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or,

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And they do? I'm an interestingly I have is when

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the kids were younger on a couple of occasions, I

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took them both to one side and sort of had

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to say to, you do realize that you come from

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quiet, a, a, a, a unique, which is probably not

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the word I used, but when you, you come from

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quite a rare family in that, you've got a mummy

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who goes out to work every single day. And you've

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got me at home doing everything for you, you know,

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have you got any concerns over that? And I now

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remember having that conversation with my eldest at one point,

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he was, he knew him any concerns, any questions. And

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she looked at me and she said, yeah, can I

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have some chocolate? And, you know, they, they just see

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it, that sort of thing, or they just see through

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these things.

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Interestingly, they, my two daughters are slightly different in approach.

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My eldest daughter will question that type of thing as

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she comes across it, or, you know, she comes across

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the sexism in any form, or she does have a

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nice, and she does. So the question in my youngest

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daughter, Izzy, not so much. Umm, but that said, I

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think that there is something to be said for B

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having a father as a main carer. I mean, I

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had someone did actually one say to me and I've,

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I've never actually got around to referencing this, which I

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would like to do. But the girls who have a

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father as main carer are apparently more confident.

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And the, the, the, the logic is so I'm told

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that men are raised to be risk-takers. It's what happens

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in your childhood, that your mother and your father raised

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to, to, to, to take risks. And then you as

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a man is a MaineCare for your children. You them

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pass it on to your daughter's. So they are to

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put it, to put it bluntly. They take a slightly

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more masculine look on the world and they react to

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it accordingly. And I think that's possibly what's happened with

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my kids. And I'm not saying, I agree, I agree

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with that, but I'm not saying that's right. And it

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says an awful lot about our expectations of gender and

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how we raise children.

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So I'm not saying it's wrong that it should work

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that way, but if my kids are gonna benefit from

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it, I let that be. You know, that's a great,

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as far as I'm concerned.

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Okay. And obviously you've got a, an Asian man, you

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got an older daughter whose now in high school at

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the secondary school, I can try to remember in the

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UK to that I have been away for that long

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don't apologize and getting closer to becoming a teenager. How

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is that? Has there been any changes that you have

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seen in, how are you approaching that? And a difficult

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conversation is coming up?

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Oh, well I've had the ad some difficult conversations already.

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And I have noticed that there is that it's difficult,

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you know, that it is an interesting thing. They have

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done it. How much of this is locked down and

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how much of this is growing up? I don't know.

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I have noticed with, with the oldest that there has

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been a change in mood and temperament, and it's quite

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a bit to say, as I say, it's quite difficult

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to know how much of that is down to two

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months of tolerating, this infernal lockdown and how much of

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it is just growing up an age and naturally striking

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out for independence. I don't know. But yes, there have

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been, there have been changes and yes, there were all

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manner of conversations that have been hard.

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But I do, I have to say that one of

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the things that I'm always very and I push her

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quite hard as it is. I th I think that

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awkward conversations, whether it be about menstruation, sex, puberty, whatever,

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I'm a firm believer that they should start at home

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and at school should meet him, fill in the gaps.

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Yeah. I would say for sure, it was like, I

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know we are trying to have the conversation is like

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you say, by the end and try not to make

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it to your point about it. Mom, who just wants

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to speak to there, that the doctor and dad, he

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just wants to speak to the son about these things

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and try to make it a mixed, you know, our

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next conversation. And, and, and that's such a key thing,

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like you say, you know, to, to make sure that

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the confidence as they are on, on all sides.

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Oh yeah, yeah, no, absolutely. And one of the things

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I would always say is as you, when it comes

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to having an awkward with children, and I'm the one,

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the one example I would give, and I do apologize

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if I'm taking your Podcast off into the territory. It's

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never quite been into before is periods. Okay. Men as

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fathers are in a speck tack you really strong position

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to talk to their daughters about periods, because women are

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raised to think of periods as taboo and women really

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don't like talking about it.

Speaker:

Whereas men, the way guys is raised, as I say,

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I'm not saying this is a good thing. I'm not

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saying it's the right way that the, the, we, we

Speaker:

raised at the particular agendas, but men are raised to

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think practically. So a man can go in to that

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conversation with their daughter's and say, this is what is

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going to happen. Its biology. This is what you're gonna

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do about it. And can just go in they're completely

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fearless. Were there any of the taboos that a lot

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of women unfortunately have, have got because of the way

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women are raised and what we would talk about the

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rest, talk about periods.

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And if this is where it goes back to my

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sort of experiences, not so much with the podcast, but

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with the blog. I mean, I've had women comment on

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my blog or on my social media channels in the

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past who told me they are like a 13 year

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old daughters and they have never spoken to them about

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sex or about periods. I would be horrified if a

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father told me he had never spoken to his 13

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year old daughters about those things and to hear a

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mum saying those things, it just, yeah, I, I th

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I, I just find that statement actually also really quite

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sad that people feel quite so pet up that they

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can't actually discuss this, but Hey daddy, I mean, you're,

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you're, you're from Scotland.

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And I know, I know being married to a Scot

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that the Scots, it can be even more reserved in

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the English. So I, I try to think, you know,

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and I think between us, our two nations Excel in

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possibly feeling awkward about discussing these things.

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And I was going to ask you that because I

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do you think it is a cultural thing? Cause I

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look at Europe, you're look at France and you're look

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at it earlier. That's seems to be, for example, they

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have a wine is a normal dinner or a drink

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and a half to 12, 13, 14 year old kids,

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you know, having a glass of wine at dinner. So

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there's less chance of alcoholism in Europe or at least

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in the other countries that are, that, you know, promote

Speaker:

that. So do you think it's a cultural thing that

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we are RE regressed in the UK at the voucher,

Speaker:

say Europe or North America to a degree or Australia

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or New Zealand?

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Oh, well it depends on the subject matter. You see

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it because for my sins, I am actually half French.

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And now when it comes to issues of gender equality,

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the U K and actually Canada as a shining light

Speaker:

on this front as well is, is actually quite well.

Speaker:

It's not as advanced to Sweden's Norway's Iceland's Finland's of

Speaker:

this world, but I would rather raise my kids in,

Speaker:

in the UK than the necessary and France or Germany

Speaker:

or Italy, or maybe not so much Germany, Germany, and

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I'll give the Germans in the, in the dark shirt

Speaker:

or a pass out.

Speaker:

But, but I think when it comes to gender equality,

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those CA those nations, our actually behind us. And I

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thought of me doing what I do being the main

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carer for my kids would be, you know, in, in,

Speaker:

in the UK, it's sort of a bit interesting. I

Speaker:

mean, it would be nice and revolutionary, I think, in,

Speaker:

in those societies, but w you know, when it comes

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to booze and drugs and, and that sort of thing,

Speaker:

I just in the UK has got a problem. I

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really we've got quite an unhealthy approach to those times.

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He is not necessarily, you know, no, I think there

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are a European countries out there where, where they probably

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have got bigger issues actually.

Speaker:

But yeah, I think a certain amount of it is,

Speaker:

is CA is culture and nature nurture all of that.

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So one of the things that they wanted to ask

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you, I'm, I'm not sure if it's as your way

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to listen to your podcast,

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Do you know? I don't actually encourage her to do

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engaged with anything I do online. I don't encourage anyone.

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I know too, actually, I've just thought I've got a

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bit more free rain, you know, if, if, but, you

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know, obviously people find out and they do. So they

Speaker:

might, my wife isn't hugely engaged with, with my podcast.

Speaker:

So you can ask what you like. Danny

Speaker:

What I was curious if there's been anything that you

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spoke about of your guests, and you've used an example

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from your own parenting and she's listened after where it

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says you to didn't do that, or no, I wish

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you'd done in an hour or whatever that your guests

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that said, I don't know everything that it popped up

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there.

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No, that hasn't happened yet. If it will happen on

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this, I'm sure. Umm, but no, it, it, it, it

Speaker:

hasn't happened yet. I'm so sorry to let you down

Speaker:

on that one that I wish I could give you

Speaker:

an example where that actually.

Speaker:

So we're going to try to find a, a contact

Speaker:

detail for a walk and just say, you gotta listen

Speaker:

to the show up. Good call is going to be

Speaker:

speaking about this. So you get your podcasts. We launched

Speaker:

it a year, launched it at the end of last

Speaker:

year. So still a relatively new what's your goal. As

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you move forward a, are you going to move in

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to video? You mentioned that you prefer Audio, but are

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you thinking of moving in, moving to the video or

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are we, do you like to get back to C

Speaker:

in-person interviews? What, what kind of the plant's

Speaker:

That he got for the shot? Yeah, well, what I

Speaker:

have decided to do with the foreseeable future is to,

Speaker:

I'm going to produce an episode in monthly. Now I

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may up for that in time, what I was incredibly

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fortunate and I have to say, I was staggered to

Speaker:

have done. This was, there was a new podcasting award

Speaker:

was launched in the UK just a few months back

Speaker:

or the podcasting for business awards. And I entered my

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Podcast into it, into the, into the family category. And

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to my amazement, I didn't win it, but I didn't

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get the runner-up prize, which I was stuck at by

Speaker:

actually. And it, it sort of made me thing that,

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well, I must be on to something here, so I'm

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going to it.

Speaker:

I'm definitely going to keep at it. W my plans

Speaker:

are, are to grow our audience. And your absolutely right

Speaker:

is a very new Podcast. So not that, you know,

Speaker:

10th episode, we will be out a very soon in

Speaker:

the next few weeks what's I know I have got

Speaker:

to do. And what I have taken steps to do

Speaker:

is to improve the quality of my audio. And not

Speaker:

that it didn't get the wrong way that it's not

Speaker:

being shocking, but I know that on some episodes it's

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been better than on others while I started off. I

Speaker:

wasn't sure if I was going to keep doing this

Speaker:

forever.

Speaker:

So I basically bought a game as head set, and

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that's what I recorded the first few episodes on. But

Speaker:

then I did have a particular episode where an individual,

Speaker:

although I was sort of microphoned up and everything, it

Speaker:

was done via zoom, and he was on a laptop

Speaker:

and he kept moving away and kept moving forward. I

Speaker:

was, he was like, Oh, am I allowed to swear

Speaker:

at Danny? Well, I can always blip it or I

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can put whatever it is. It's like, okay, I may

Speaker:

have said a few swear words or can't you just

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stay there, or, you know, so I've spoken to other

Speaker:

people and learn a few tips. So I'm, I'm improve

Speaker:

my audio quality in future episodes is going to be

Speaker:

much better, also invested in my concern, so on.

Speaker:

And I've had a lot more ideas to the two

Speaker:

types of fathers that I am going to interview. Now,

Speaker:

obviously I reckon the phone, but to be honest, I've

Speaker:

probably got a good four of five years worth of

Speaker:

fathers. I could actually interview at some point, I imagine

Speaker:

I probably will want to broaden out. And the idea

Speaker:

that the thing I'm looking to do is to do

Speaker:

much more like this, actually speak to other people on

Speaker:

other people's podcasts, which is great fun as you grow.

Speaker:

I saw a comment that was made to me was

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podcasting is like what blogging was 10 years ago. And

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actually when I started podcasting also got the experience of

Speaker:

a blogger. I'm gonna go going forward. I thought, actually

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I do see some similarities to, to, to, you know,

Speaker:

what I was doing with the blog and sort of

Speaker:

eight years ago.

Speaker:

And otherwise it's sort of, Oh, I know this, you

Speaker:

know, I can, or I can predict what's going to

Speaker:

happen with podcasting. It is in certain aspects and, and

Speaker:

sort of see what I've got to do. So, yeah,

Speaker:

I, I will be using my experiences, you know, that

Speaker:

I learned blogging sort of try and grow my audience,

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uhm, as a podcast because I would like, I would

Speaker:

like to grow it seriously. And I just, you know,

Speaker:

that it, I do love it. What I found is

Speaker:

that there is a fantastic podcasting community and I think

Speaker:

also podcasting has boomed due to COVID and a thing

Speaker:

I find fascinating as when I look through all the

Speaker:

various podcasts as some of the podcast, I like to

Speaker:

listen to listen to are actually on some of the,

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the, the, the fiction a, you know, what you, what

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he wants to put a time we would have called

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radio plays.

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No idea what you call with them on podcasts as

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a podcast playing. So I don't know why, but I

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listened to it, loads of them and the number of

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a list or Hollywood stars that are cropping up doing

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podcasts because they're not doing any filming. I mean, it's

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amazing. I mean, it's just, I see a huge potential

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to, and what's been really interesting actually is to sit

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back and watch our clubhouse. It is booming as well.

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And I am on, Clubhouse not that I'd done a

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great day with it yet, but I think all of

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the people I'm following or the, all of the people

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I follow there is definitely a Podcast theme. There they

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are all people who I would love to hear or

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doing something Audio, but I wouldn't necessarily read it or

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watch a video, but in answer to your question, what

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do I do video sort of got my fingers burned

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a few years ago.

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You know, if I tried making it as a YouTuber

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and had to accept the fact that maybe I'm not

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that good.

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Well, it's, it's a very different medium. I know of

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like a, like a couple of guests, I was speaking

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to a couple of months back, the, the gentleman, it

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said, you've got a great phase for podcast. And I

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was thinking, Oh, did you just, this appeal was early

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in the Copeland or whatever. So it wasn't really sure

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that I've had them. Yeah. I don't think that I

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feel really uncomfortable even when I'm doing like train and

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videos or whatever, you know, like low explainer videos, but

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Podcast, CA, I get really awkward. And I can't, I'm

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far different from what I'm just speaking on our, a

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show like this.

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So what I, I, you know, I, again, I do

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just think of it a bit differently. I think it

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was ice tea once said for those under the age

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of 40, very famous rapper who went into acting. I

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remember him say once that whenever he cut a new

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tune, he would go to his car and stick it

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on a stereo. And it's a, what do you do

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when you're driving? You're listening to music and this was

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always stuck with me. Actually. It was a very interesting

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comment to me because actually in this day and age,

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when your Bluetooth, you, you, you have your phone to

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go to the car or, or whatever, actually, no, you

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might not be, listen to me, is that you might

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be listening to podcasts or whatever.

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And I think that is actually the beauty of the

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podcasts is the fact that, you know, it's streaming media

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radio almost. I mean, if you choose to w when

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you listen to it and you've got such a wealth

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of stuff that you can actually choose to listen to

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'em if you shoot a video, shoot a video, I,

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I, I'm probably gonna upset a few people are saying

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this, but I kinda think the podcast video is genre.

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You're making a video. You don't make it a podcast.

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I think by rise podcast should kind of be audio

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only.

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And I know wait for the hate mail.

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Okay. Have you done any of the Podcast in groups

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on Facebook? You'll get a lot of that, because that

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was one of the big conversations I see all the

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time is when someone says about to your point, you

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know, it's our videos, you just made none, it's a

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podcast and it's a video and it had just the

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comments just lay up, you know, you can sit back

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and be a popcorn and just watch it unfold.

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Yeah. Well, again, I've, I've got a, I've sorta going

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to come back to my experiences, not so much as

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a, as, as, as a blogger, but when I've had

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to create content in video format, I mean, I've got

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a cupboard here that is full, you know, and every

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now and again, I'll have to do it again. And

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I've got the lights and I've got a stand-alone video

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camera. We've also got pros. I've got all that stuff.

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Pod cast, actually, you don't really need much more than

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a really good set of headphones and a good microphone

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on a day. They are so different skills that you

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need for producing for the different media.

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But yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm just putting my flag in

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the ground now in saying Audio only podcasts or anything

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else has a video, sorry. She came to us.

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Would you ever consider, obviously that your show is about

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Dads and their experiences? What did you ever consider having

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your daughter's on it? Talk about their experience being raised

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by.

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I know that I never thought about it, but yes.

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What a brilliant idea. Yeah. So that, that, that can

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be really interesting actually. And I should, I really should,

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I really should ask him about that and see if

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they would be a be up for that, because I

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think they would be, it would be really quite difficult

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to edit the sewed, I think, but no, no, that's

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a really good idea that he knew what it should

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do, that I should do that and just see what,

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what they think of what they say totally unscripted. I

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think that would be huge fun.

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That'd

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Be interesting to listen back to that for sure.

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Ah, thank you. I, I, I think it would, I

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mean, that's the whole of the Podcast shot and there

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isn't a good thing getting kids to being interviewed about

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their parents'. I mean, yeah. And what a great idea

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if I should speak to you more often Danny

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Yeah. Yeah. So John, I really enjoy chatting with you

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today and I can speak with you for hours and

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hours. And unfortunately, my issue is not a Joe Rogen,

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the landfill. I really don't know. I think my lesson

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is one of like a three hour show or whatever.

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So for people that I have enjoyed listen to you

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as well. I want to know more about your podcast

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or your blog and listened to the, the, the Stories

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of your, your guests, where is the best place for

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them to connect with you on the line and listened

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to your podcast.

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All right. Best by the system to be on the

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line where the podcast is hosted by Liz Libsyn. So

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it's Danny pod UK. Aww. You will also find the

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podcast on this. This is what I have to try

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and remember at all. O iHeartRadio, Apple podcasts, Google podcasts,

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audible, Spotify. How can I forget to Spotify? So it

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was on all the, the, the, the major channels and

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also a number of the, you know, the, the, the,

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the sort of smaller ones as well. And you will

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find Dads pod UK. It has got a Twitter feed,

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but I'm not really active on there, but you find

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that pod UK on Instagram and on Facebook for the

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blog, a blog is Dads blog, uk.com.

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And you will find at Dodd blog, UK on a

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Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, I was sure of missing out

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there, but you know, that that's enough.

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Yeah. And I'll be sure to

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