#23 | Andrew Tate, Financial Stress & Masculinity Chat (Part 2)

#MensMentalHealth #FinancialStress #MaleGenderRoles #AndrewTate #ToxicMasculinity #MentalResilience #FinancialAnxiety #InsideAMindPodcast #Success2024 #CommunitySupport

Men's Mental Health, Financial Stress, Gender Roles, Andrew Tate, Toxic Masculinity, Mental Resilience, Financial Anxiety, Societal Expectations, Success in 2024, Male Pressure, Ice Baths, Breadwinner, Balancing Finances, Community Support, Financial Wellbeing, Coping Strategies, Mental Fitness, Men's Health, Navigating Success, Relationship Dynamics

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:: 00:00

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:: 00:08

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:: 00:11

Alright, let's go, let's go, let's go. Hi guys, just before you start the video, Tom and I have got something to share with you about the Lumi ice baths.

:: 00:26

I can't wait to share with you that we have a link down below. Below in the show notes that if you get 15% off your order using the code INSIDERMINDPOD on all ice bath and other accessories down from LumiTherapy, something Joe and I are super passionate about is ice baths as a whole, and especially during the summer. Chucking some ice in there and bettering your mental health is good for everyone. So use code INSIDERMINDPOD for 15% off your orders down below. Enjoy the episode. Woo Men are two times more likely to report financial stress as a major contributor to their anxiety.

:: 00:50

Our being wants to provide and protect for the women that we love right that's healthy, where you're both trying to smash it.

:: 01:02

What do you reckon it's going to be Health and fitness? Do you reckon it's finances?

:: 01:05

It's finances, it's finances. This is your bread and butter, mate. This is where you come into your own.

:: 01:09

It's my bread and butter. I'm excited to talk about this. I think it's such a big thing for men in particular as well the finance side of it, and I'm going to start off with some facts and figures and this is men are two times more likely to to report financial stress as a major contributor to their anxiety. 70 percent of men feel pressure to be the primary breadwinner and also 60 percent of men report that job satisfaction directly affects their mental health. So I want to talk about it on different points. I want to talk about it on the job you pick for money, money as a whole, feeling like you have to be the breadwinner in a situation which I don't know why, I I feel like I have to do that as well, like I. I just mentally, I just need to be like I need to be in control of my finances and to look after megan stuff. Do you reckon that's just instilled in you or is that, what would you reckon?

:: 02:02

it's a good question.

I think it's nature and nurture at the same time, especially for someone like yourself who has an element of control about their being.

So if you, particularly if you have again, I keep coming back the adhd thing because it's pointing in you, if you have adhd, and I feel like an element of control and everything that you do is so important I mean, you'll admit yourself is you're very particular about certain things and that's very healthy to have, albeit can be unhealthy as well, which we won't go into.

But I feel like, because you know yourself, because, because being overtly controlling can push people away and piss people off, like if I came to you and said I've got an idea for the podcast and you said that's not what I had in mind, it's not being particularly open to other ideas, right, which is why we and you can have constructive conversations and that's why it works, because I'm very open to sort of discussing with you about certain things. But in regards to your very nature and you grew up with a dad, I mean I can't speak on your behalf but your parents was quite a traditional gender role. Your dad went out and earned and he worked in the city and it was very sort of macho and finance and everything else and was mama.

:: 03:02

Her mom did my mark as well she worked for a bit and then, okay, they had the kids, yeah so it was for the most part.

:: 03:08

I was quite traditional gender role. So growing up in that environment I feel like you've experienced that and you've seen it and you want to sort of replicate what dad did to a larger extent.

So I think you've seen that and I think maybe also an element of your adhd comes into play as well, with the control side of things and wanting to provide for Meg, which is lovely in the most way. I feel like it's that. So I think it's your and our being wants to provide and protect for the women that we love, right, and if you're with someone and you want to take them out for dinner and spoil them, you're like I've got this. Even if you're struggling for money, you want to, I've got this and you want to provide for that person, that makes you feel good, that makes you feel like you're worthy and it makes you feel like you're the man, the provider and the protector of the person that you love. Whether that's right or wrong, I feel like that's an eight in, it's an eight in me and certainly is with you as well. Um, I thought that is just a sort of very male, um, sort of gender specified role that most of us have.

:: 04:00

I think, but I also wouldn't want meg to be a stay-at-home mom. I, I, I love the idea that she works. She works so hard as well, like I. I find that attractive yeah I wouldn't want her to just no live off like if it was you live off my money, yeah or whatever it is like that. That makes you, that makes me ick in a way okay I love that she works.

:: 04:19

Um, I'd want her to keep working and then, well, if it does come to case down the line where there is kids and stuff, I'm sure it's a completely different situation, yeah, just, and she might want to, she might want to, she might want to go out and work and have a sure I think nanny, for example, to me that's healthy where you're both trying to smash it as well, but then also, at the same time, having that.

:: 04:39

You know, financial security, yeah, totally I feel like in important in this day and age.

:: 04:44

In this day and age, I think, in particular, I think that the the usual gender stereotypes have waned slightly. I know I said a minute ago about the gender roles, but in this day and age when you've got you almost have to have both parents, I say parents or both partners, uh, in relationships. They both have to work, because how expensive life is now if you've got someone that's staying at home doing nothing, if you don't have children that way, I wouldn't like that either. I'd feel like that that's lazy, they've got no like ambition and that kind of stuff. Like you say, if you have children it does change things slightly completely changes everything.

I've got two older sisters and then long, very long-term relationships, one younger and one of them is a stay-at-home mom for the most part, and one of them is she. They haven't got children yet, but she wants to be out, going out work. She loves going out to work. So you've got two people from the same family doing two different things and there's no right or wrong. It's whatever work best for them. So the issue where it comes into is is if you get a, let's say, a father who wants their wife to go out and work and have children at the same time and the wife doesn't want to, that's where it comes into sort of a bit of a you know clash of sort of mindsets and ideas and I think but again, come back to the communication part is, as long as you communicate that on what you want, I feel like it's uh, it should work for the most part, do?

:: 05:48

you think societal expectation plays quite a big role in in this, for like men and it's like men need to do this men need to act this way. Or do you think it's kind of changing at the moment? People are starting to become more independent in the way they think about?

:: 06:02

yeah, it's definitely. It's definitely changing to have a more sort of um, even, balance to things. But I feel like innately, it's just always going to be there. I don't think that'll ever go away, but I feel like society is trying to have a balance to everything, whether it be male and female and and sort of gender pay gaps, and in the workplace you're trying. You're trying to have a balance between everything I do. I am a big believer in that. There will always be gender roles that are specific to certain people and certain characters, and within male and female you're always going to have labourers will be more towards men, nurses will be more towards women, type of thing. I'm generalising here. But those things won't ever go away, but it definitely is changing for the for the good. By the way, yeah, I feel like it's innately in our sort of very, very being in biology.

:: 06:50

Those things won't ever go away yeah, that's kind of just built into you, right? Yeah, it's you. It's not really like the roles which some women do, men just couldn't do, and that's why, they're so like special at those roles and I think vice versa as well I just think that's so, so important. You touched on that before, but it's so nice. It is kind of changing. There's like different avenues of that. People are going down or opening up and you like to see, you like yeah one million percent.

One million percent in terms of, like, financial pressure in relationships have you ever had from your point of view because it's something I go through at the moment, having my own business yeah, you put a lot of money into something. Um, with the business you might not see the rewards for a couple years down the line. That could be quite scary, like the weight that's having over me in terms of an anxiety, anxiety standpoint. You know you just want to be at the finish line, but I keep reminding myself to like enjoy that journey along the way, enjoy the you know the, the process of starting that business and now, six months in, I think, to the actual business and I absolutely love it. But I think every single person who starts business wants it to succeed.

But 90 of businesses- don't crash yeah like in the first few months, and it's just like it's getting through that and that financial struggle overhead. You know I'm very lucky I don't have kids. You know I'm in a relationship but we're not married, we don't live together.

So it's like the the pressure's strained yeah but you know, if you have kids, if you started a business and that business has failed and you have a wife and you have a mortgage to pay off, you know that can be incredibly stressful and there'll be people watch, listening or watching this. That will be in that situation and I know we haven't personally been in it ourselves and hopefully we don't get to the point where it is, where it's like we're super struggling financially and it's taking a burden massively on our mental health but, even just at this point of time, I'm like everything I'm thinking of is like oh, I don't have enough money to do this.

Well, like I'm shit, like I need to put this budgeting here. We'll budget this here it's just that stress is horrendous it is, it keeps you up at night as well.

:: 08:55

I think, even if you aren't, it does. I mean I think even you said a bit then if you are a, a father at home with children in a business that you put everything into, it's that, that stress I mean you're luckily for you, that that is.

:: 09:09

That's unbearable, which is why the incredible people do that and function well I guess they sort of have to.

:: 09:15

They haven't got a choice, because if they don't do that, they don't, then there's there's like there's failure. They lose their home, they lose everything they've worked so hard for. So I think, particularly nowadays, where everything is super competitive, is an age where everything's online. If you open a, a shop of some description, it fails. Or you know, covid hit and and it is this this like constant, like revolving door of stuff that's going to happen to you, and roads you need to get down and roadblocks that are going to be constantly putting their way for you.

And, like you said, you have the advantage of not living in a flat that you're renting or a house that you bought, in a house where you're not sharing it with your girlfriend and you're taking her out for dinner every night of the week and you can sort of budget for that, whereas it's so hard for anyone who's running their own business full time with a family. It's mad, you know. There's so much, there's so much, there's so much stress with it and there's not a lot of help out there for people who need to be getting the advice and the financial freedom to be able to do the decisions they want and the choices they make.

:: 10:11

It's just it's unbearable. I hope that people listen to this and we bring some really good financial people on who are like maybe look at doing this or maybe look at putting your money in this, or just for example, for the guys or girls listening to this as well, there's a guy called Scott Galloway. If you haven't listened to Scott Galloway before, would highly recommend this. Guy's an absolute genius and he talks about like low cost index funds and your how your money grows seven, eight percent in these funds every year and the compound interest of it.

Let's just say, if you put like five thousand in in the next year, in the next year, in 25 years down the line. This isn't an exact number, by the way but it's like 125 000 pounds yeah it's talking about things like that, where people might not necessarily think about yeah which I'm starting to look at at the moment.

:: 10:57

That could just take some of that financial stress on knowing there's like long-term money and something and we'll bring some hopefully really good people on you can actually share that, because this is just joe and i's point is martin lewis who goes on to a lot of those morning chat shows and breakfast shows yeah he's like no, he's like a finance guru, like he gives real no-nonsense advice to people who are looking to invest in something. I don't quite know how to do that. He goes on to this morning or whatever, and he just I think it's martin. Is it martin nurse?

I think it might let me look it up but yeah, I think he he's the guy who basically just like breaks down a lot of the stigmas around money. And he because if I go on a website, right, and I start to look for advice on mortgages and investing money in stocks and shares, there's so much jargon and rubbish out there that he basically breaks down the crap and says it is Martin Lewis. Yeah, so he he's basically a money genius, but it doesn't confuse people and I recommend looking at people like that and people who are going to give you sound advice, but it's just not going to really confuse you and give you that gray area. I thought people like that would really really be helpful and we can get someone that want to be pretty epic.

:: 12:00

Awesome, yeah, all my homies, the scientists that are struggling mentally, and a lot of anxiety around financial situation and and their income and things, that I'm there too. If you ever want a message like ping me a message whenever these, like ping me a message whenever these, these situations are just very stressful. Yeah, and there are lots of things which you can do which again will bring the right guests on to talk about and hopefully that does help in some way and could help not just myself but also everyone listening big time.

:: 12:26

I think I feel like you as well. I think, just to touch on what you just said, I feel like that comes back to the community piece earlier. I feel like if you are going through something that's really really fundamentally sort of dragging you down whether be financial or relationship, that we talked on earlier, or health and fitness, like we're going to touch on later on as well I think the what I would say to that is surround yourself with people who are going to be giving you good advice, not bad advice. You know, it's the classic saying, isn't it? If you surround yourself with people who are good and going to give you sort of bring you up rather than bring you down, um doors tend to open for you and good things tend to happen around that. So I think it's just choose your, choose your friends wisely and maybe like you with your dad, if you want to go to your dad for advice, you probably wouldn't go to meg for it.

You wouldn't go for meg for advice, for example not saying that meg is bad with money, but you probably wouldn't go for you. Go for something else, like with a friend, or you know, if me or siobhan have annoyed, you might go to Meg for that rather than dad. So I feel like it's just square pegs around holes sometimes maybe not Siobhan, not even this, um, but yeah, I feel like it's square pegs around holes sometimes and some people just surround themselves with people who aren't necessarily good for them in that way. So I feel like it's just choose your battles and find people who are going to be good.

:: 13:31

Good for that now we're going to spin for our third wheel third and final all right, we've got q, a and relationships left oh, okay, nice we're q a, we're q a time. These are exciting. I quite like this. The first question, and it is hey guys, do you think andrew tate is a force for good for men or not? What a question to start things up with, guys do?

:: 13:55

you thinkate is a force for good for men or not? What a question to start things off with, hey guys. Do you think Andrew Tate is a force?

:: 13:59

for good, for men or not.

:: 14:01

Well, I'll let you start with that one, mate, you can, you can run with that one.

:: 14:04

When I saw it I was like fair, that's actually really good, that's a very, very big question. Not easy. I think there are a lot of cons that I have personally and also I have quite a lot of pros of some of the things he says. He recently did an interview with Piers Morgan on the riots. Has any of you seen this?

:: 14:25

I'm.

:: 14:25

Piers Morgan uncensored. I saw a clip of it and he was basically just talking about the riots that are going on in the UK at the moment and should they stop? And he was like, like absolutely they should stop. And he was like you have more in common with the people around you than you do, some of these political elites that are running this country. And he was like we're fighting among us, but the people you're fighting love their children, love their families, just like you love your families, and they're hard-working people just like us. Um, and then you don't have anything in common with these political elites and things that are and it's little comments are out where I'm like you're not wrong, like these right situations are nuts. I don't know enough about them to talk on them properly, but like I think he's completely right, little things are out.

But then, um, there's some of the things he says where I'm like the toxic masculinity stuff. I just I don't agree with you know how his like views can sort of like re and reinforce, sort of like harmful stereotypes a lot of times, especially in the uh, some younger generations. They're a bit too extreme for me. I'm just quite like chilled. Yeah, I don't know, they're just, they're a bit too mental. Some, yeah I mean, I don't know that's just necessarily him. You know that's the stuff that goes viral, that's the stuff that gets clicks. I don't know that's necessarily, you know, the goal, whether it's like that's something he says to promote a lot of his other stuff yeah whatever, but things like that and dismissing like the mental health issues side of things.

He kind of in my opinion, he oversimplifies what mental health is. He's like if you're fit and healthy, if you're feeling good, if you're like, if you can fight, if you can do this, if you can earn money, then you can have no mental health problems. And it's like, from my opinion, I'm physically fit, I feel mentally great at the moment. You know, I have my own business, I'm doing this, I still struggle with mental health problems. It's not. It's just not that simple and it is things that I disagree on.

But I do think his, his chats about mental toughness and how important it is for, like the younger generation, also just our generation, to be mentally tough, and he said a line that I actually thought was quite poignant one time where he was like um, if you can't control your mind, your mind is, at the end of the day, the only thing you can control, and if you can't control your mind, then you're just a feather in the wind of life, and I thought that was a really important point and it's how you react to things. You know, are you example? He used stoic, but whatever, whatever you want to use. It's like how you react to situations, how how you feel about situations. You know how hard working you are. Can you control your? Can you control your brain and your brain, not control you and it's a little thing.

:: 17:07

Little comments are out where I completely agree.

:: 17:09

But then on the other side there's some like crazy things right yeah the complete opposite and I'm like please stop sharing I?

:: 17:15

I agree that's a great question. By the way, whoever wrote that in, I think, um I said I keep them anonymous yeah, no, I, I, yeah, I agree.

I think I'm like 95 hate everything he stands for.

But the five percent of it and the things you just come out with, like the old quote here and there, you can't really argue against. But I feel like that's just clever marketing on his part. I feel like he's a total narcissist who is, on the whole, like a really toxic individual who, if he wasn't saying the old thing here and there that we agree with like men need to be men stand up for themselves, and blah, blah, blah, which we agree with, but then anyone would agree with that. Like anyone can come up and say that kind of thing and the odd quote here and there, it's like, um, I can't even imagine him. And that that interview with like two massive egos, like just the most egotistical hour of your life, like you can't even imagine it.

But to come back to it, I think, whilst the five percent of things I do agree with me, you, siobhan, could come up with that in five minutes and say exactly the same thing as him and I'll be like, oh my god, I really agree with him. But I think he's actually gone the complete opposite way. I think he's really damaging to people in in many ways because him saying that mental health is basically made up and it's basically for the stuff the snowflake generation that, again, pierce morgan refers to everyone being snowflakes of like.

Well, you know, a large part of that is down to the generation of parenting that we have and not down to the people that are just being brought up with issues. You're born, you can't be born problems. Of course you can, but um, being blamed for that and saying that we're a bunch of snowflakes, that's not exactly helping the issue, is it so? No, I feel like um. Yeah, I won't get too stuck on him, but I think that, whilst we can agree with some of the things he says, I think that he's just he's actually a lot of the time he's a complete dick misogynist, he's a total misogynist.

He's a complete narcissist and um probably the most self-centered person you've likely to see on the internet. Probably one of them, if not the most self-centered person you're likely to see, so um sensitive topic yeah, yes, no, but I, I, I get it because I get this, this on the one hand, we're like we're championing guys and we want them to be stoic and brave and talk about their issues being in a brave, strong environment and succeed be safe and go and succeed and sort of probably do this and challenge the, the, the sort of the stereotypes, and challenge the, the, um, the things that we've been told, that we can't speak out for ourselves and be big guys and make mistakes and and go out there and fight the good fight.

But I feel like he's just like another level of something that you want to try to avoid being like yeah, if I had a friend like him, we wouldn't be friends for very long.

I feel like if I hadn't seen you for a year or two and you came back like Andrew Tate, with your cigar in your mouth and you know, rolling up in your pink Lamborghini and playing loud music for everyone to hear, with your tattoos, and I feel like I'd be like, no, I'm good, thanks, but no thanks for season two, season three maybe maybe season three, yeah, yeah.

:: 19:56

Yeah, awesome question. Thank you for that. Yeah, that was good. Second one is what does success really mean in 2024? Wow, there's a lot of avenues you could go down by this. I sent a reply back but I didn't hear back online whether it's what aspects this is in. But what's your sort of view when you hear?

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