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Series Finale of Dining Room Chairs Event: The Reviews - The Aftermath
Episode 1127th January 2025 • Dining Room Chairs Event • Jen deHaan
00:00:00 00:10:46

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Checking in! Hey everyone!

What happened in the years that followed being trapped in a room? Find out! Tying up some loose ends, and finding out "where are they now" (including the dining room chairs!) in this series finale of Dining Room Chairs Event: The Reviews.

Transcripts

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Welcome to the Dining Room Chairs event.

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I'm Jen DeHaan, who drove from Canada to

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California in late December 2022 to attend an

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event I found on Facebook.

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Either the event is currently happening, will happen,

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or it was all a bit.

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I don't know, but I'm sitting here reviewing

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it while I wait.

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Review Update 10, Dining Room Chairs event, rating

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2 out of 10.

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So Bettina didn't like the gloves.

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She looked down at them with mild disdain

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before launching into a lovely five-minute piece

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on the so-called sittern that was actually

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a ukulele.

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She plucked the strings with a festive flair

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that I can only call mesmerizing.

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If you can be mesmerized by how bad

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a performance is, I guess.

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Then she packed up and took off into

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the darkness.

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It was perhaps the most excitement in my

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entire stay at this non-event, although I

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am mildly disappointed my gloves did not impress

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her.

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I think Bettina also had concerns about my

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general cleanliness.

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There is a toilet here, but no shower.

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I have been rinsing off in the sink

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with the one small hand cloth that hangs

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on the plastic ring next to the mirror.

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It's lackluster at best.

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I have started to draw a mural on

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the east-facing wall about my experience in

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this room.

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It mainly consists of stick figures and emoticons.

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Not emojis, but honest-to-goodness emoticons in

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thought bubbles above the stick figures.

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Of course, most of the stick figures are

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me, because I'm the only one here.

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But I have now depicted Bettina with a

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disgust emoticon above her head and the person

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Daryl who delivered the nachos a while back

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who's been bringing me some more veganized nachos

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and bean burritos on occasion.

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Maybe Daryl will enjoy my gloves.

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Hello.

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Thank you for opening the door for me

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so quickly and expediently.

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My name is Marjorie.

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I just wanted to introduce myself.

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Hey Marjorie, Jen.

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I am the local roving or mobile, depending

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on which term you like better.

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Roving mobile library here.

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This is the library.

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It's fully mobile because it's in this wagon.

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Oh, is that a radio flyer?

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Wow, you are really good at that.

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That is a radio flyer wagon indeed.

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I did know that it was commonly known

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in circles, I guess, such as yourself.

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Wow, that is a really...

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I'm sorry for observing, but I'm just a

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really observant person.

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A really empty, cavernous kind of space you've

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got there going on.

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Nothing in there so much there, but that

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is some nice artistry that you have.

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Oh, thanks.

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I drew it myself.

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Anyways, sorry.

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I'm here for the mobile roving mobile library.

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Okay.

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Can I step you through a little bit

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of the library?

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I would love that.

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I don't have a card catalog, and there's

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no microfiche.

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If you know what either of those things

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are, depending on your generation, I don't want

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to assume.

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I do.

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So this book right here that you can

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see.

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Yeah, nice.

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There, it's called The Button Pusher.

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Yeah, nice.

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It's not about...

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Oh, shoot.

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I can't...

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I said I wouldn't do any spoil...

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You know, if I spoil a book, sometimes

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people punch me in the nose.

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Oh, I won't.

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I don't want that again.

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I won't do it.

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Some people like being punched in the nose.

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Some people like their buttons being pushed, apparently.

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No judging.

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I did it.

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That was another spoiler.

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Oh.

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Please don't punch me.

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I won't.

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I really won't.

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Thank you.

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Look, I have this other book here.

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It's called The Wind of the Willows.

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It's very popular.

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It's been checked out two times.

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It's...

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You know what?

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I was almost going to tell you what

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it's about.

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It might be about wind and willows, trees.

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It might not be.

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I'm not going to tell you.

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No spoilers.

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Don't punch me.

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I won't.

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I really won't.

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Anyways, look, I don't want to waste your

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time.

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You're obviously very busy in your empty cavernous

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room, so I think I'm just going to

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go.

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But I just want to...

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Here, I'm going to leave you my card.

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Oh, thank you.

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You can contact me if you want me

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to come by with this mobile roving or

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mobile and roving or roving or mobile...

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That's a nice font on your card.

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...mobile library or mobile...

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Either...

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...roving library or just roving library, depending on

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your preference.

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I can come by anytime.

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I'm fine with any name.

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I'm not supposed to say that.

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I can come by anytime.

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Okay.

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Alright.

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I'll call you.

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Bye.

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Bye.

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So I ended up calling that number on

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the card, and it went directly to Marjorie's

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phone.

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We actually talked, her and I, for quite

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a while.

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And it was kind of nice, but it

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ended up raising a whole bunch of red

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flags, like a whole bunch of them in

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the end.

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So I went online to look into this

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operation, see what I could find out.

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And I found a whole subreddit that was

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dedicated to letting people know about this roving

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library.

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And, well, it was a front for a

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really malicious pyramid scheme.

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It turns out that Marjorie wasn't being punched

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in the nose for spoilers.

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I gathered from the subreddit that I really

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needed to get off the grid and hide

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for at least a few weeks.

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So I knew that the only place I

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could hide where I was at was in

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the heating duct vent.

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So that's where I headed.

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But before I did that, I needed to

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get a bunch of food, so I ordered

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a big bag of burritos from Daryl.

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We all knew that they were shelf-stable

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and didn't need to be refrigerated.

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And then the last thing I did before

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crawling into the heating vent was adjust my

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murals, the one that was on the east

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-facing wall with the stick figures.

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I could tell the story of what was

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happening and where I was headed with emoticons

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in those speech bubbles instead.

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So the thing with using emoticons is that

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only people who are online in the 90s

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really understand that lingo.

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So it was a very small subset of

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people that could actually even understand the message

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that I left.

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But luckily, Daryl knew emoticon messaging.

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Daryl was online in the 90s and eventually

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noticed that I hadn't ordered burritos for a

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while and sort of wondered why I ordered

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such a huge bag and never ordered again.

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So Daryl came around and ended up looking

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at the mural and read what I had

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written and understood what I meant and figured

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out that I was in the heating vent.

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So Daryl took off, went and got a

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bean burrito, tied it to a rope and

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threw it down the heating vent to where

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I was and ended up coursing me out

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like some rabid animal with the bean burrito.

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Once I got to the surface or, I

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don't know, the wall and Daryl saw my

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gloves and then saw me looking at the

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gloves and then both of our eyes raised

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up and locked at the same time, we

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knew that it was something.

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We didn't know what it was because we

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barely knew each other, but we knew it

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was something.

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And then I told Daryl all about this

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malicious pyramid scheme thing and Daryl knew that

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it wasn't safe for me there anymore, so

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we actually decided to take off.

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It was a lot.

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We were, you know, driving off together, barely

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knowing each other, but we knew that it

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was the right thing to do.

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So I left the room.

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I knew that the event didn't really matter

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now with my life on the line.

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So before we headed off to the Oregon

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coast to live in a cabin in the

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woods, Daryl and I stopped at the thrift

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store to just pick up a few things

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for a new place.

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And while I was there, I saw the

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most stunning set of dining room chairs, like

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the nicest ones you've ever seen.

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They had that rattan back and they were

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like this 70s look.

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They had kind of this really nice mustard

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yellow vinyl seating on them, like a beam

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of sunlight was emanating through the window down

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onto the set of dining room chairs.

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And I saw a little piece of paper

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just sticking out and I kind of tore

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it off the chair a little bit.

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It was stuck with some probably residue from

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some soda.

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And it was an invite to the dining

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room chairs event, the same one I'd been

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waiting for.

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And it turned out that it was in

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that same apartment complex, but a few rooms

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over, which explains a lot, actually.

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I heard what sounded like a pretty cool

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event.

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Anyways, I guess that was, that was my

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fault.

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I went to the wrong room.

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Turns out after all that, but it ended

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up better in the end.

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I learned about myself.

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I learned about others.

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I'd met great people.

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I met Daryl and here we were heading

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out to the Oregon coast.

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And that's where we've been since.

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We have never found any reason to leave

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this cabin.

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We stayed within these four walls.

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We have a new burrito person delivering us

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bean burritos called Burl Booch.

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And it's just, it's perfection.

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You actually don't need a whole lot in

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life.

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And when you remove so much, it actually

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becomes pretty simple.

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And what means a lot to us becomes

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a lot clearer.

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We just kind of need each other and

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we need to not forget about each other

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too.

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And if we have people that just remember

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that we exist, that's enough.

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It's enough for me anyways.

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So I hope you have a good time.

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I hope you have a good life.

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And I hope you find some people that

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notice when you disappear.

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