Checking in! Hey everyone!

What happened in the years that followed being trapped in a room? Find out! Tying up some loose ends, and finding out "where are they now" (including the dining room chairs!) in this series finale of Dining Room Chairs Event: The Reviews.

Hi! This was my first attempt at a podcast way back when, and for some reason I decided to bring it over to my new podcast host for posterity.

I didn't know what I was doing, and despite that also wanted to do a strange format I hadn't heard before, but... I had a lot of fun and learning doing this show! Hope you get something out of this strange little audio drama.

All words written, spoken, and rest of the parts of the show edited by Jen.

Some newer audio fiction series at https://stereoforest.com

Jen.

WEBVTT

1

Welcome to the Dining Room Chairs event.

2

I'm Jen DeHaan, who drove from Canada to

3

California in late December 2022 to attend an

4

event I found on Facebook.

5

Either the event is currently happening, will happen,

6

or it was all a bit.

7

I don't know, but I'm sitting here reviewing

8

it while I wait.

9

Review Update 10, Dining Room Chairs event, rating

10

2 out of 10.

11

So Bettina didn't like the gloves.

12

She looked down at them with mild disdain

13

before launching into a lovely five-minute piece

14

on the so-called sittern that was actually

15

a ukulele.

16

She plucked the strings with a festive flair

17

that I can only call mesmerizing.

18

If you can be mesmerized by how bad

19

a performance is, I guess.

20

Then she packed up and took off into

21

the darkness.

22

It was perhaps the most excitement in my

23

entire stay at this non-event, although I

24

am mildly disappointed my gloves did not impress

25

her.

26

I think Bettina also had concerns about my

27

general cleanliness.

28

There is a toilet here, but no shower.

29

I have been rinsing off in the sink

30

with the one small hand cloth that hangs

31

on the plastic ring next to the mirror.

32

It's lackluster at best.

33

I have started to draw a mural on

34

the east-facing wall about my experience in

35

this room.

36

It mainly consists of stick figures and emoticons.

37

Not emojis, but honest-to-goodness emoticons in

38

thought bubbles above the stick figures.

39

Of course, most of the stick figures are

40

me, because I'm the only one here.

41

But I have now depicted Bettina with a

42

disgust emoticon above her head and the person

43

Daryl who delivered the nachos a while back

44

who's been bringing me some more veganized nachos

45

and bean burritos on occasion.

46

Maybe Daryl will enjoy my gloves.

47

Hello.

48

Thank you for opening the door for me

49

so quickly and expediently.

50

My name is Marjorie.

51

I just wanted to introduce myself.

52

Hey Marjorie, Jen.

53

I am the local roving or mobile, depending

54

on which term you like better.

55

Roving mobile library here.

56

This is the library.

57

It's fully mobile because it's in this wagon.

58

Oh, is that a radio flyer?

59

Wow, you are really good at that.

60

That is a radio flyer wagon indeed.

61

I did know that it was commonly known

62

in circles, I guess, such as yourself.

63

Wow, that is a really...

64

I'm sorry for observing, but I'm just a

65

really observant person.

66

A really empty, cavernous kind of space you've

67

got there going on.

68

Nothing in there so much there, but that

69

is some nice artistry that you have.

70

Oh, thanks.

71

I drew it myself.

72

Anyways, sorry.

73

I'm here for the mobile roving mobile library.

74

Okay.

75

Can I step you through a little bit

76

of the library?

77

I would love that.

78

I don't have a card catalog, and there's

79

no microfiche.

80

If you know what either of those things

81

are, depending on your generation, I don't want

82

to assume.

83

I do.

84

So this book right here that you can

85

see.

86

Yeah, nice.

87

There, it's called The Button Pusher.

88

Yeah, nice.

89

It's not about...

90

Oh, shoot.

91

I can't...

92

I said I wouldn't do any spoil...

93

You know, if I spoil a book, sometimes

94

people punch me in the nose.

95

Oh, I won't.

96

I don't want that again.

97

I won't do it.

98

Some people like being punched in the nose.

99

Some people like their buttons being pushed, apparently.

100

No judging.

101

I did it.

102

That was another spoiler.

103

Oh.

104

Please don't punch me.

105

I won't.

106

I really won't.

107

Thank you.

108

Look, I have this other book here.

109

It's called The Wind of the Willows.

110

It's very popular.

111

It's been checked out two times.

112

It's...

113

You know what?

114

I was almost going to tell you what

115

it's about.

116

It might be about wind and willows, trees.

117

It might not be.

118

I'm not going to tell you.

119

No spoilers.

120

Don't punch me.

121

I won't.

122

I really won't.

123

Anyways, look, I don't want to waste your

124

time.

125

You're obviously very busy in your empty cavernous

126

room, so I think I'm just going to

127

go.

128

But I just want to...

129

Here, I'm going to leave you my card.

130

Oh, thank you.

131

You can contact me if you want me

132

to come by with this mobile roving or

133

mobile and roving or roving or mobile...

134

That's a nice font on your card.

135

...mobile library or mobile...

136

Either...

137

...roving library or just roving library, depending on

138

your preference.

139

I can come by anytime.

140

I'm fine with any name.

141

I'm not supposed to say that.

142

I can come by anytime.

143

Okay.

144

Alright.

145

I'll call you.

146

Bye.

147

Bye.

148

So I ended up calling that number on

149

the card, and it went directly to Marjorie's

150

phone.

151

We actually talked, her and I, for quite

152

a while.

153

And it was kind of nice, but it

154

ended up raising a whole bunch of red

155

flags, like a whole bunch of them in

156

the end.

157

So I went online to look into this

158

operation, see what I could find out.

159

And I found a whole subreddit that was

160

dedicated to letting people know about this roving

161

library.

162

And, well, it was a front for a

163

really malicious pyramid scheme.

164

It turns out that Marjorie wasn't being punched

165

in the nose for spoilers.

166

I gathered from the subreddit that I really

167

needed to get off the grid and hide

168

for at least a few weeks.

169

So I knew that the only place I

170

could hide where I was at was in

171

the heating duct vent.

172

So that's where I headed.

173

But before I did that, I needed to

174

get a bunch of food, so I ordered

175

a big bag of burritos from Daryl.

176

We all knew that they were shelf-stable

177

and didn't need to be refrigerated.

178

And then the last thing I did before

179

crawling into the heating vent was adjust my

180

murals, the one that was on the east

181

-facing wall with the stick figures.

182

I could tell the story of what was

183

happening and where I was headed with emoticons

184

in those speech bubbles instead.

185

So the thing with using emoticons is that

186

only people who are online in the 90s

187

really understand that lingo.

188

So it was a very small subset of

189

people that could actually even understand the message

190

that I left.

191

But luckily, Daryl knew emoticon messaging.

192

Daryl was online in the 90s and eventually

193

noticed that I hadn't ordered burritos for a

194

while and sort of wondered why I ordered

195

such a huge bag and never ordered again.

196

So Daryl came around and ended up looking

197

at the mural and read what I had

198

written and understood what I meant and figured

199

out that I was in the heating vent.

200

So Daryl took off, went and got a

201

bean burrito, tied it to a rope and

202

threw it down the heating vent to where

203

I was and ended up coursing me out

204

like some rabid animal with the bean burrito.

205

Once I got to the surface or, I

206

don't know, the wall and Daryl saw my

207

gloves and then saw me looking at the

208

gloves and then both of our eyes raised

209

up and locked at the same time, we

210

knew that it was something.

211

We didn't know what it was because we

212

barely knew each other, but we knew it

213

was something.

214

And then I told Daryl all about this

215

malicious pyramid scheme thing and Daryl knew that

216

it wasn't safe for me there anymore, so

217

we actually decided to take off.

218

It was a lot.

219

We were, you know, driving off together, barely

220

knowing each other, but we knew that it

221

was the right thing to do.

222

So I left the room.

223

I knew that the event didn't really matter

224

now with my life on the line.

225

So before we headed off to the Oregon

226

coast to live in a cabin in the

227

woods, Daryl and I stopped at the thrift

228

store to just pick up a few things

229

for a new place.

230

And while I was there, I saw the

231

most stunning set of dining room chairs, like

232

the nicest ones you've ever seen.

233

They had that rattan back and they were

234

like this 70s look.

235

They had kind of this really nice mustard

236

yellow vinyl seating on them, like a beam

237

of sunlight was emanating through the window down

238

onto the set of dining room chairs.

239

And I saw a little piece of paper

240

just sticking out and I kind of tore

241

it off the chair a little bit.

242

It was stuck with some probably residue from

243

some soda.

244

And it was an invite to the dining

245

room chairs event, the same one I'd been

246

waiting for.

247

And it turned out that it was in

248

that same apartment complex, but a few rooms

249

over, which explains a lot, actually.

250

I heard what sounded like a pretty cool

251

event.

252

Anyways, I guess that was, that was my

253

fault.

254

I went to the wrong room.

255

Turns out after all that, but it ended

256

up better in the end.

257

I learned about myself.

258

I learned about others.

259

I'd met great people.

260

I met Daryl and here we were heading

261

out to the Oregon coast.

262

And that's where we've been since.

263

We have never found any reason to leave

264

this cabin.

265

We stayed within these four walls.

266

We have a new burrito person delivering us

267

bean burritos called Burl Booch.

268

And it's just, it's perfection.

269

You actually don't need a whole lot in

270

life.

271

And when you remove so much, it actually

272

becomes pretty simple.

273

And what means a lot to us becomes

274

a lot clearer.

275

We just kind of need each other and

276

we need to not forget about each other

277

too.

278

And if we have people that just remember

279

that we exist, that's enough.

280

It's enough for me anyways.

281

So I hope you have a good time.

282

I hope you have a good life.

283

And I hope you find some people that

284

notice when you disappear.