Ep 12: Part 1: Navigating Perfectionism, Career Transitions, and Romantic Relationships as a People Pleaser: a Conversation with Meredith Ritchie

Speaker: 00:00:01

Just a little heads up.

2

: 00:00:02

This episode is actually

split into two parts.

3

: 00:00:05

The first part's about Meredith

personal journey, and part two is

4

: 00:00:09

all about our experience with people

pleasing in the education field, she

5

: 00:00:13

was a librarian and I was a teacher.

6

: 00:00:15

If you're not an educator, I still

encourage you to listen to part two

7

: 00:00:19

because what we discuss relates really

to basically any job or workplace.

8

: 00:00:23

Enjoy the episode.

9

: 00:00:26

Jenny: When I thought about creating

this podcast, you were one of the

10

: 00:00:28

first people because you always have

unique perspectives on life, so

11

: 00:00:32

I'm really curious to see what comes

out of this conversation today.

12

: 00:00:36

Yay!

13

: 00:00:37

Meredith: Yeah.

14

: 00:00:37

I'm looking forward to it as well.

15

: 00:00:39

Jenny: I will let you also just say

a little bit about yourself, but I

16

: 00:00:41

will say this is my friend Meredith.

17

: 00:00:43

We've been friends for quite a long time.

18

: 00:00:46

I don't even know how many years.

19

: 00:00:48

We have a close friendship.

20

: 00:00:49

We have really deep conversations.

21

: 00:00:51

That's why I'm so excited.

22

: 00:00:52

Even though we are states apart, I'm

in New York, you're in South Carolina.

23

: 00:00:56

How about you tell us a

little about yourself?

24

: 00:00:58

Meredith: I am Meredith.

25

: 00:00:59

I worked in the school

system for 11 years.

26

: 00:01:02

I'm now a registered behavioral therapist.

27

: 00:01:05

I was born and raised in South

Carolina in the Myrtle Beach area

28

: 00:01:09

which is always a unique thing.

29

: 00:01:11

No one ever thinks that

locals are from here.

30

: 00:01:13

But I do think being raised in the

Christian South is affected my life

31

: 00:01:22

greatly during my childhood in both

positive and occasionally negative ways.

32

: 00:01:27

Ah,

33

: 00:01:27

Speaker: yes.

34

: 00:01:28

We will dive into that in a bit.

35

: 00:01:30

How about a little bit about your

background with people pleasing?

36

: 00:01:33

Meredith: I found as I've gotten

older that I don't know how to express

37

: 00:01:37

what I used to call bad emotions.

38

: 00:01:40

My therapist tells me to

call them Unhelpful emotions.

39

: 00:01:44

I think that all ties

into people pleasing.

40

: 00:01:46

I was reflecting the other day

where sometimes I work with clients

41

: 00:01:51

on emotions and it was genuinely

difficult for me to show anger.

42

: 00:01:57

Like I had to act it out for

him to guess what it was.

43

: 00:01:59

And I was so uncomfortable.

44

: 00:02:01

Ahead of time I was like,

Hey, this is just a practice.

45

: 00:02:04

I'm just playing pretend don't worry.

46

: 00:02:07

It's so uncomfortable to me.

47

: 00:02:09

And I think all of that started because

so I'm the youngest in my family.

48

: 00:02:13

For example, in kindergarten

got the peacemaker award.

49

: 00:02:17

Oh yes.

50

: 00:02:18

Yes.

51

: 00:02:18

Which is lovely and sweet.

52

: 00:02:20

Jenny: But you're right.

53

: 00:02:20

Those awards really do give

you a little telltale sign.

54

: 00:02:25

Correct.

55

: 00:02:25

What's going on underneath the surface.

56

: 00:02:28

Meredith: Obviously being a

peacemaker is good, but never

57

: 00:02:31

making any trouble is not healthy.

58

: 00:02:34

Speaker: Yes.

59

: 00:02:34

Being a good girl.

60

: 00:02:36

Correct.

61

: 00:02:37

Meredith: So I was definitely

very much a good girl.

62

: 00:02:38

I was the youngest.

63

: 00:02:39

My sister, whom I love and I'm very

close to now, I will preface with that.

64

: 00:02:44

Speaker: One thing I want to say,

anytime we talk about our loved ones, our

65

: 00:02:47

family, our friends, we love everyone,

66

: 00:02:50

Meredith: genuinely.

67

: 00:02:51

We do

68

: 00:02:51

Speaker: not have to go into , I

call it covert people pleasing.

69

: 00:02:55

Where we say I love them.

70

: 00:02:57

Everything's okay.

71

: 00:02:58

I love them so much.

72

: 00:02:59

I just want to practice this.

73

: 00:03:01

I call it covert people pleasing.

74

: 00:03:03

Meredith: That's fair.

75

: 00:03:04

Speaker: So we're going to blanket people

please be like, we love you all so much.

76

: 00:03:08

Meredith: I do.

77

: 00:03:08

And that's so true.

78

: 00:03:10

You've seen me and my sister now we're

like copies of each other at times.

79

: 00:03:13

You really

80

: 00:03:14

Speaker: are.

81

: 00:03:14

You really are.

82

: 00:03:15

A month ago when I was down there, y'all

were literally mirroring each other.

83

: 00:03:19

You are twins.

84

: 00:03:20

Meredith: Yes.

85

: 00:03:21

But it did take adulthood to get there.

86

: 00:03:23

She had a little bit more of a

typical teenage years, a little bit

87

: 00:03:27

wild, a little bit made my parents

worry from time to time, like staying

88

: 00:03:32

out all night, very normal stuff.

89

: 00:03:34

And I remember thinking , I never

wanted to make them feel that way.

90

: 00:03:39

Like ever.

91

: 00:03:39

I probably at that point when my sister

was getting the heyday, she was probably,

92

: 00:03:44

I don't know, 10th and 11th grade.

93

: 00:03:46

I was probably mid middle school.

94

: 00:03:49

And I just remember thinking, I never want

to cause my parents to have these feelings

95

: 00:03:54

I never want to make them feel that way

because it seemed really stressful to me

96

: 00:03:59

and it did

97

: 00:03:59

Meredith: stress them out.

98

: 00:04:00

So honestly, I think it dates

back to all the way back then.

99

: 00:04:04

Speaker: I can relate to the being

a good girl and not wanting to cause

100

: 00:04:08

an upheaval in high school as well.

101

: 00:04:11

I was the same way.

102

: 00:04:12

I was such the good child.

103

: 00:04:15

And then my brother went buck wild

and he was given permission to do

104

: 00:04:18

that, especially because he pre

signed with the Marines at 17.

105

: 00:04:21

So it was like, Oh my,

yeah, Gary can go do that.

106

: 00:04:26

I can relate exactly to what you said.

107

: 00:04:27

I was well behaved.

108

: 00:04:29

I was the good little girl in high school,

but boy, did I go buck wild in college?

109

: 00:04:35

Meredith: Yeah.

110

: 00:04:35

So I went to college.

111

: 00:04:36

, I turned 18, like my first month

into college and I immediately got

112

: 00:04:41

a tattoo, which my mom had never

wanted any of us to get tattoos.

113

: 00:04:45

And I think true reflection of I was

acting one way at home, and I wasn't

114

: 00:04:50

unhappy, like I had a good childhood,

I had friends in high school, I wasn't

115

: 00:04:54

unhappy by any means, but as soon as

I got away, I truly started trying to

116

: 00:04:59

figure out what I actually wanted,

and that was tattoos to begin with and

117

: 00:05:02

now I have I don't know, seven, eight,

118

: 00:05:05

Speaker: you go, I'd get more.

119

: 00:05:09

I know.

120

: 00:05:09

I always say I don't have tattoo money.

121

: 00:05:13

That's so funny though,

because that's what I did.

122

: 00:05:15

I didn't get a tattoo, but my first

week away I got my eyebrow pierced.

123

: 00:05:19

It was very popular then.

124

: 00:05:21

I was not allowed to in high school.

125

: 00:05:22

So I was like, within two weeks, I got

my eyebrow pierced and my nose pierced.

126

: 00:05:26

I was like, Oh, yeah,

127

: 00:05:29

Meredith: When I remember again,

being in like middle school and just

128

: 00:05:32

drawing on my hands, like with markers.

129

: 00:05:35

And my mom would hassle us

about not drawing on our bodies.

130

: 00:05:40

Whether I knew it or not, I

think I found freedom in college,

131

: 00:05:44

in a lot of different ways.

132

: 00:05:46

That was nice to explore.

133

: 00:05:48

And I still feel I think our entire

adulthood is exploring what did we

134

: 00:05:53

truly want in our lives, separate

from particularly those closest

135

: 00:05:59

to us in every way of our lives.

136

: 00:06:02

Or rather, I think we

should do that in adulthood.

137

: 00:06:06

Not everyone does and that's okay.

138

: 00:06:08

But I personally get a lot of

value from that reflection.

139

: 00:06:11

Jenny: Oh, I'm so glad

you brought that up.

140

: 00:06:13

That's a great point.

141

: 00:06:14

I love to dive into that a little

bit deeper because when you said

142

: 00:06:18

that you explored freedom when

you went away to school, I don't

143

: 00:06:21

know about you, but whenever I

come home, that switch would flip.

144

: 00:06:25

And I'd go back into people pleaser

mode, like on winter break or summer

145

: 00:06:29

break, , year by year, I got a little

more, what I considered rebellious,

146

: 00:06:33

which was not rebellious, but in a

people pleaser's mind, you're like,

147

: 00:06:38

Ooh, I'm the villain in this story

when you're just being a normal person.

148

: 00:06:43

Yes.

149

: 00:06:43

It's interesting how we feel like

we're changing and growing, especially

150

: 00:06:48

in our college years, but yet we

still get triggered when we come home.

151

: 00:06:53

Meredith: Yeah, we're not.

152

: 00:06:54

It's not clear cut by any means.

153

: 00:06:57

It's strange reflecting on childhood.

154

: 00:06:59

Cause again, I had a great childhood,

but I do remember all during high

155

: 00:07:03

school, like really wanting to get away.

156

: 00:07:06

Again, I love my parents.

157

: 00:07:07

So even in my brain, it wasn't even

wanting to get away from my family.

158

: 00:07:11

It was just, I want to get away from this

town that I've lived in my whole life.

159

: 00:07:14

And then I studied abroad

when I was at college.

160

: 00:07:17

I was like, I want to get out of this

country that I've lived in my whole life.

161

: 00:07:20

I just kept wanting more and more freedom.

162

: 00:07:22

And which has been, interesting.

163

: 00:07:23

Yeah.

164

: 00:07:25

Definitely.

165

: 00:07:26

Speaker: You're talking about

the roots of your journey.

166

: 00:07:29

Do you have any key moments that you

can think of when you were younger that

167

: 00:07:33

you're look back on now and you're

like, Oh goodness, that was such a people

168

: 00:07:37

pleaser, either habit or specific memory.

169

: 00:07:40

Meredith: Here is one thing I don't know

that I conceptualize people pleasing

170

: 00:07:44

at that age in any way, shape or form.

171

: 00:07:46

And I've learned a lot about myself

and how I connect with others.

172

: 00:07:50

Now I know that I am demisexual,

so basically I just didn't

173

: 00:07:55

feel the same attractions that

a lot of high schoolers felt.

174

: 00:07:58

Speaker: Some people listening

might not know what demisexual is.

175

: 00:08:01

Would you mind just giving

us a brief overview?

176

: 00:08:03

Meredith: So demisexuality basically means

that you don't feel sexual attraction

177

: 00:08:09

when you first physically see someone.

178

: 00:08:12

If I see a super handsome model,

my First instinct is never like

179

: 00:08:20

I am sexually attracted to them.

180

: 00:08:22

It comes second or third.

181

: 00:08:25

I have to get to know someone.

182

: 00:08:26

I can understand if someone is handsome

and I know the definition of what

183

: 00:08:32

it means to look sexy again, by like

society standards, but I don't just see

184

: 00:08:37

someone and see this person that's a

185

: 00:08:40

like sexy individual.

186

: 00:08:42

So most of my relationships developed

from friendships that I then went, in

187

: 00:08:47

my case, very rarely did it even turn

too much about the physical at all.

188

: 00:08:52

It was always, Oh, he's fantastic.

189

: 00:08:54

Like genuinely, he's a

really good person.

190

: 00:08:57

He has a really good heart.

191

: 00:08:58

I'm so attracted to that aspect.

192

: 00:09:00

And then sometimes quickly, sometimes

in a while, sexual attraction can occur.

193

: 00:09:06

A lot of people, especially when

hormones are raging, they'll , see

194

: 00:09:09

someone and immediately be like,

really attracted to them, and I

195

: 00:09:11

just literally never felt that.

196

: 00:09:13

And that's fine, and it's normal,

but at the time I didn't quite

197

: 00:09:16

understand that it was different.

198

: 00:09:19

But, the way that I approached dating

or the lack thereof was um, twofold.

199

: 00:09:27

Because I was the youngest , I did

want to be Very different from her.

200

: 00:09:32

I think I wanted to be an individual.

201

: 00:09:34

I think part of me saw she is a

little stressing out my parents.

202

: 00:09:37

And so I didn't want to do that.

203

: 00:09:39

So I think I just took on I want to

be very different than her, but I

204

: 00:09:43

also took a lot of my interpretation

of what it means to be a teen girl,

205

: 00:09:48

particularly dating guys from my sister.

206

: 00:09:51

She was just like my

role model in that sense.

207

: 00:09:54

But in my brain, it became

" These are the expectations".

208

: 00:09:58

So in my brain, any boy that I

liked, which I could say was maybe

209

: 00:10:03

only a couple in high school.

210

: 00:10:05

None of which I dated, but the ones

that I did were long time friends.

211

: 00:10:08

In hindsight, it makes a lot of sense

that I'm Demi, and how that developed.

212

: 00:10:12

But being flirty was something

that my sister was lovely at.

213

: 00:10:17

She's a very friendly,

can be a flirty person.

214

: 00:10:19

And I thought this is exactly

what is expected from a teen girl.

215

: 00:10:25

Speaker: Yeah.

216

: 00:10:25

Not to mention media too.

217

: 00:10:27

Meredith: Correct.

218

: 00:10:28

Yes, it was everywhere.

219

: 00:10:29

I also wasn't like feeling the attraction

that other people were in the same way.

220

: 00:10:33

And so I didn't think I could do that.

221

: 00:10:37

I wasn't feeling the same stuff and I felt

very different from my sister, even though

222

: 00:10:42

we are so similar now and probably were

growing up realistically at that time.

223

: 00:10:48

I was like, we're exact opposites.

224

: 00:10:51

And because I thought people expect

girls to flirt and to touch, touch boy's

225

: 00:10:56

shoulders and to want to do seven minutes

in heaven and whatever kind of cliche

226

: 00:11:01

things or spin the bottle or I remember

going to a boy girl party and they were

227

: 00:11:05

like, I think they played spin the bottle.

228

: 00:11:07

And I just went out in the hallway.

229

: 00:11:11

Oh, little Meredith.

230

: 00:11:12

Which again, now it extends to me.

231

: 00:11:14

I understand where all of that came

from, but I think it was even down to

232

: 00:11:18

, teen girls are like good at kissing.

233

: 00:11:20

So if you've never kissed anyone.

234

: 00:11:21

I remember that when I was a

child Which was definitely a

235

: 00:11:25

form of people pleasing in that

236

: 00:11:27

I thought everyone is expecting

these expectations of this is

237

: 00:11:31

what I should be as a teen girl.

238

: 00:11:33

And I didn't think I could do that.

239

: 00:11:35

And even now I'm like,

not great at flirting.

240

: 00:11:37

I'm not great at subtlety as a whole.

241

: 00:11:40

So I just do it my own way,

242

: 00:11:41

Speaker: but Hey, that's perfect.

243

: 00:11:43

Like you said, it's about exploring

who you really are in adulthood.

244

: 00:11:47

Meredith: Yeah, exactly.

245

: 00:11:48

It did also mean that because I

didn't think I could live up to those

246

: 00:11:52

expectations, I just did none of it.

247

: 00:11:54

Oh , I didn't really date

anyone in high school.

248

: 00:11:57

I remember, and they had the

best of intentions, but we

249

: 00:12:00

had a family friend visiting.

250

: 00:12:02

And my family had noticed

that I wasn't really flirting,

251

: 00:12:05

like it just wasn't doing that.

252

: 00:12:08

And so they were like, you should

practice with this like family friend

253

: 00:12:10

who was a kid, like he was around my age.

254

: 00:12:12

Oh, okay.

255

: 00:12:13

You should practice with

this kid just to get it.

256

: 00:12:15

And I was like, no, I want to die.

257

: 00:12:17

You should practice?

258

: 00:12:19

Oh

259

: 00:12:19

no.

260

: 00:12:20

Meredith: At that point there was this

very clear " You should exhibit flirting

261

: 00:12:23

and this is what flirting looks like".

262

: 00:12:25

Did you do it though?

263

: 00:12:28

I don't think I did.

264

: 00:12:29

I think we were like kind of friends.

265

: 00:12:31

, I think I was just no.

266

: 00:12:32

I just want to disappear.

267

: 00:12:34

Thank you.

268

: 00:12:35

You

269

: 00:12:35

Speaker: didn't exactly

270

: 00:12:36

Meredith: people, please.

271

: 00:12:36

Then that's good.

272

: 00:12:38

But I do think sometimes when I see

that, and I think it also ties in a

273

: 00:12:42

little bit into a fear of failure,

but I take what I think people

274

: 00:12:45

want, set them as expectations,

275

: 00:12:47

and then if I cannot a hundred percent

meet them, I just don't do them at all.

276

: 00:12:52

Ah, yeah.

277

: 00:12:54

So I definitely feel like that was an

aspect of growing up that I saw early

278

: 00:12:59

people pleasing . Even now it always

goes back to if I tried for a first short

279

: 00:13:04

period of time, I did online dating.

280

: 00:13:07

Which obviously did not go well.

281

: 00:13:09

I can't even really get to know someone.

282

: 00:13:10

It was obviously just did not work

out, but And I met up with, I don't

283

: 00:13:14

know, maybe a couple of dudes and all

of them, I was like what if he expects

284

: 00:13:17

me to, even at the end of this first

date, what if he expects me to kiss him?

285

: 00:13:21

And I don't want to?

286

: 00:13:22

It would be the end of the

world for me to say no.

287

: 00:13:26

Oh yeah.

288

: 00:13:27

And not meet those expectations

and just be the worst person

289

: 00:13:31

in the world for saying no.

290

: 00:13:33

So much

291

: 00:13:33

Speaker: pressure on yourself.

292

: 00:13:35

Yeah.

293

: 00:13:36

I'm curious what your experience was

as a young student with People Pleasing

294

: 00:13:41

because I always wondered, I was

always labeled like the high achiever

295

: 00:13:45

and I would get all these awards and

blah, blah, blah, gifted and talented.

296

: 00:13:50

But now I'm like, yeah, I was great

at people pleasing and being diligent

297

: 00:13:55

with my work and doing what everyone

wanted, including the teacher,

298

: 00:14:00

anyone in authority or group work.

299

: 00:14:03

I was really great at just taking

the lead because slacker's gonna

300

: 00:14:07

slack because it needed to get done.

301

: 00:14:09

Exactly.

302

: 00:14:10

Yep.

303

: 00:14:11

So now I wonder, is that

really authentically me?

304

: 00:14:14

I don't know.

305

: 00:14:15

No

306

: 00:14:15

Meredith: idea.

307

: 00:14:16

Yeah.

308

: 00:14:16

I have no idea.

309

: 00:14:17

Did you have a similar experience?

310

: 00:14:19

I did well in school.

311

: 00:14:20

I did honors classes.

312

: 00:14:21

Yeah.

313

: 00:14:21

My sister is also smart.

314

: 00:14:24

So she was like valedictorian or

salutatory somewhere pretty high up.

315

: 00:14:29

So I was obviously just removing

myself from comparison from her,

316

: 00:14:32

but I did do honors classes.

317

: 00:14:35

Speaker: Yeah.

318

: 00:14:35

Meredith: I also have a brother,

I guess I could mention that.

319

: 00:14:37

But all three of us played trumpet

in middle school cause we had a

320

: 00:14:42

trumpet and it was like my brother,

I have no idea how he wasn't banned.

321

: 00:14:47

My sister was like first chair

and stayed at first chair.

322

: 00:14:51

And I was like last chair.

323

: 00:14:54

Yeah.

324

: 00:14:54

Sometimes I would accidentally

bump up like one step, but I

325

: 00:14:57

was like, I don't even care.

326

: 00:14:59

This isn't me.

327

: 00:15:00

Whatever, man.

328

: 00:15:01

Was that genuine?

329

: 00:15:02

I have no idea.

330

: 00:15:03

It is hard now to look back.

331

: 00:15:05

And I loved my experience in band but

I don't know if I, again, was just

332

: 00:15:11

pushing against Oh, she was so great.

333

: 00:15:12

And I'm going to be like, whatever.

334

: 00:15:14

It doesn't matter to me.

335

: 00:15:15

Oh yeah,

336

: 00:15:15

Speaker: possibly.

337

: 00:15:16

Can I delve into that a little bit?

338

: 00:15:17

Because I can see myself

in what you're saying.

339

: 00:15:20

And that's, from the psychological

standpoint, maybe a fixed mindset.

340

: 00:15:24

But dare I say, perfectionism, because

is perfectionism maybe an offshoot of

341

: 00:15:31

people pleasing because you don't want

to let anyone down, so it's easier

342

: 00:15:35

to downplay something or avoid it.

343

: 00:15:38

I'm literally going through that

this week, ironically, with me

344

: 00:15:42

actually sharing some of these

episodes with people for feedback.

345

: 00:15:46

All of a sudden.

346

: 00:15:47

I was freaking out.

347

: 00:15:49

I'm like, what is going on?

348

: 00:15:51

I had a meltdown last night and

it was all this inner child,

349

: 00:15:54

young kids stuff coming up.

350

: 00:15:56

Meredith: Yes.

351

: 00:15:57

Speaker: People aren't going to

like it, they're not going to be

352

: 00:15:59

happy with what I'm producing.

353

: 00:16:01

This is going to suck.

354

: 00:16:01

I'm going to fail.

355

: 00:16:02

I'm giving it all for nothing.

356

: 00:16:04

Like it was such limiting

beliefs coming up.

357

: 00:16:07

And yes, I heard little Jenny in my mind.

358

: 00:16:10

Yeah.

359

: 00:16:11

Ironically, I was trying to people

please on a people pleaser podcast.

360

: 00:16:15

Meredith: Yeah, it's a hard.

361

: 00:16:16

Speaker: I know.

362

: 00:16:17

Did you experience any of that, like

the perfectionism or the fear of

363

: 00:16:21

Meredith: failure?

364

: 00:16:22

Yeah.

365

: 00:16:22

I typically view it

more as fear of failure.

366

: 00:16:25

I played softball when I was a kid,

but I was always like outfield.

367

: 00:16:29

When I was a kid, I would

literally just sit out there

368

: 00:16:31

and want to eat sunflower seeds.

369

: 00:16:32

Like I'm doing this because I enjoy

being part of team, but I don't even

370

: 00:16:36

want to attempt to be great at it.

371

: 00:16:38

Cause I don't think I'm going to

be able to, so I'm just not gonna

372

: 00:16:41

try.

373

: 00:16:42

So I definitely think all

of that came into play.

374

: 00:16:45

Actually I was reminded earlier

today, currently, I'm a

375

: 00:16:49

registered behavioral therapist.

376

: 00:16:50

So I work one on one with kids

who are diagnosed with autism.

377

: 00:16:53

And I love it!

378

: 00:16:54

I'm really enjoying the job.

379

: 00:16:56

It is Just by definition, less

responsibilities than my last year in

380

: 00:17:01

education, and a lot less stress, and , I

am basically just taking the goals that

381

: 00:17:08

are created and enforcing them, and

I feel good with that, and I'm really

382

: 00:17:11

comfortable in the job, and I feel

confident, and I genuinely enjoy it.

383

: 00:17:15

I also shared in one of the team chats

for one of the clients something that I

384

: 00:17:21

had recommended, and I shared in the chat.

385

: 00:17:23

And the supervisor followed up

and she was like, Hey that's not

386

: 00:17:28

something I was quite ready to

share, like to the team as a whole.

387

: 00:17:31

Oh, yeah.

388

: 00:17:32

Because I wanted to work

out some other details first.

389

: 00:17:35

So from now on don't share that.

390

: 00:17:37

Some of the other stuff you shared

was good, but don't share that.

391

: 00:17:40

And yeah, it was.

392

: 00:17:41

Oh.

393

: 00:17:42

I was like, I'm the worst I can't

believe I'm actually horrible at

394

: 00:17:47

this job and I've ruined everything.

395

: 00:17:49

And

396

: 00:17:50

it was definitely that

397

: 00:17:51

Meredith: moment.

398

: 00:17:52

, so I responded something

like, okay so sorry.

399

: 00:17:55

And my supervisor's amazing

and she said, no worries.

400

: 00:17:59

Like you genuinely, you shared

it because you want to basically

401

: 00:18:03

set this client up for success.

402

: 00:18:05

Yeah.

403

: 00:18:06

I appreciate that that's like where your

heart is, which was obviously amazing.

404

: 00:18:10

It was comforting and it

was a hundred percent true.

405

: 00:18:13

I had no other reasons.

406

: 00:18:13

It was genuinely here's

the thing that's good.

407

: 00:18:15

And she was like, no, you

come from a good place.

408

: 00:18:17

And I was like, okay.

409

: 00:18:18

That is true, even though I messed up.

410

: 00:18:20

I can still be good at my job and I

messed up because I'm so passionate.

411

: 00:18:24

I get it.

412

: 00:18:27

It was amazing to have a supervisor

that did respond in that way.

413

: 00:18:32

Speaker: I have a stomachache for you.

414

: 00:18:35

My stomach dropped.

415

: 00:18:37

That is not good.

416

: 00:18:38

And honestly, if I had gone over

the cliff with my people pleasing

417

: 00:18:42

anxiety, I probably wouldn't have

believed her when she said that.

418

: 00:18:45

That's how bad I'll get sometimes.

419

: 00:18:46

I'm like, she's just saying that I

really screwed this up, blah, blah,

420

: 00:18:52

Meredith: blah.

421

: 00:18:52

We're all just doing the best we

can with the time that we have.

422

: 00:18:55

And I appreciate that.

423

: 00:18:57

That's important

424

: 00:18:58

.

Speaker: When you do have those moments pop up, where you get that tension,

425

: 00:19:02

what are some techniques or habits

that you've put into place to help you

426

: 00:19:06

process those moments when you're, I

call it your people pleasing flares up.

427

: 00:19:11

Meredith: I typically go, I'm

feeling these things almost like a

428

: 00:19:16

checklist in my brain of probably

Share Episode

Shownotes

Transcripts

Follow

Links

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube