Exploring the depths of love as articulated in First Corinthians 13, we delve into the nuanced nature of love within marriage, focusing on the responsibilities of husbands. This discussion challenges us to go beyond the platitudes often recited at weddings and scrutinizes how love manifests in everyday actions and attitudes. The speaker emphasizes that love is not merely a feeling but an active choice, one that is characterized by humility and service rather than arrogance or irritability. We dissect the idea that love should reflect the selfless nature of Christ, who exemplified true leadership through servitude. The conversation critically examines common pitfalls of pride in marriage, such as the tendency to dismiss a partner’s needs or to resist admitting fault. This examination is not just theoretical; it probes into the heart of what it means to truly love and serve one’s spouse, suggesting that these principles are vital for fostering a healthy and harmonious relationship. The key takeaway resonates: love that mirrors Christ's love is marked by selflessness, humility, and an unwavering commitment to the well-being of the other. As we navigate the complexities of marital love, the discussion also addresses the corrosive effects of irritability. The speaker posits that irritability can be a significant barrier to love, turning relationships into battlegrounds where partners feel more like adversaries than allies. By illustrating how small irritations can accumulate and create a toxic environment, we are urged to cultivate patience and understanding. The speaker calls for a transformational approach to conflict, advocating for a mindset that prioritizes listening and empathy over defensiveness and pride. The episode ultimately serves as a heartfelt reminder that love requires conscious effort and a willingness to confront our shortcomings, viewing humility not as a weakness but as a strength that fosters deeper connections with our spouses. In a fascinating twist, the episode draws parallels between biblical narratives, such as the story of Naaman and the parable of the Pharisee and the publican, to illuminate the timeless struggle against pride. These stories serve as cautionary tales, reminding us that true healing in relationships often requires the humility to acknowledge our flaws. We are reminded that love is not merely about being right or maintaining appearances, but about nurturing a spirit of grace and reconciliation. The discussion invites listeners to reflect on their own relationships, challenging us to embody the love that is patient, kind, and rooted in a desire to uplift and support our partners, ultimately fostering a marital relationship that mirrors divine love.

Well, and good day to you and welcome to our study.

This morning we have been looking at the great chapter of First Corinthians 13 in Paul's description of love, and especially as it applies to the marriage relationship.

Our focus even in that has been narrowed to the men primarily.

That has been the emphasis of our studies.

And as we go through this, understand that I'm trying to just help us in making application.

You know, it's oftentimes in preaching and these pulpit preaching, we quote a lot of scriptures and we say that, you know, that he ought to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it and go on our way.

And everybody says amen and everyone seems to understand it, but I'm not really sure how well we're applying it.

So I would like to just take some of these terms as we've been looking at the idea of keeping a ledger for the last several weeks.

And I just want to speak to you this morning about the fact that love is not arrogant and it's not irritable.

Paul isn't giving some sentimental language for a wedding.

He's giving, giving us an examination.

He is showing us what love does and what love refuses to do and what kind of character love produces in a person.

Someone who's been trained by Christ understands what love is.

Love is patient, love is kind.

Love does not envy, it does not boast.

And then he says it is not arrogant.

It's not easily provoked.

It's in the sense that it's not irritable.

These are not small matters.

These are just, you know, they're words that expose our inner character.

They reveal what's happening beneath the surface of a man's conduct, his heart, what motivates him, what drives him.

A man can provide for his household.

He can protect his household and lead certain decisions in his household.

But if he fails to love, if pride governs his spirit and irritability controls his tone, then he doesn't truly love at all.

The question is not merely does he occupy some position of headship or leadership.

The question is, does he bear the likeness of Christ in that position?

And I think that's what we're getting at when we say that he ought to love his wife as Christ loved the ecclesia, the called out.

Now, that's why these two descriptions are so important.

Love isn't arrogant and it.

It's not irritable.

Pride certainly corrupts leadership and irritability corrupts peace.

There always seems to be at war, starting of conflict.

Pride makes a man Hard to correct.

And he's.

He will seldom agree and will even, even more so seldom would he or rarely would he confess any wrongdoing.

And irritability makes a man hard to approach.

You know, it says, I shouldn't have to be humble.

I shouldn't have to humble myself.

Why?

Because he feels like he's above, that.

He's not.

He doesn't want to lose positioning or there's some greater reason that would in some way debilitate him or make him lesser in the eyes of others.

So that's an issue.

That's a problem, a character fault, for sure.

Irritability says, you should know better than to bother me.

And both of these are enemies of love, the sacrificial love that should be characteristic of every husband.

So let's begin with this.

Love is not arrogant.

Arrogance is one of the great enemies of love because arrogance turns the self into the center of life.

Pride makes a man, you know, it's difficult for him to see any wrong in himself.

He's slow to confess it and very quick to defend himself.

He's more eager to maintain his position.

And to admit wrong would be to lose that position.

And that's the reason I think a lot of fathers will never apologize for anything because they're afraid that they would lose their position.

To apologize would be like taking a defeat.

And to listen to someone else feels like surrendering.

But the husband is not called to lead because his opinions are just somehow automatically superior.

He's not called to lead so that he can enthrone himself in the home and.

And be treated like king.

He's called to love as Christ loved and gave himself.

The model is not domination.

Here the model is the cruciform leadership.

It's leadership shaped by the cross.

Listen to this example in Philippians 2, or this description.

Philippians 2 says, Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory.

But.

But in lowliness of mind.

Let each esteem other better than himself.

Paul continues, when he says, look, not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

And then he said, let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.

Now, friends, that is the foundation.

Let this mind be in you.

Paul doesn't merely say, act humble.

He says, have the mind of Christ.

Think like Christ.

See others through the humility of Christ.

Use whatever strength or whatever knowledge or ability or advantage that you have.

Use it in the spirit of Christ.

Well, what did Christ do?

Well, you.

He goes on, though he was in the form of God, he humbled himself and took the form of a servant and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

Now, if anyone had the right to assert authority or superiority, it was Christ.

If anyone could have demanded to be served, it was Christ.

He could have certainly said, you people ought to recognize who I am.

I am Christ.

I am the Son of God.

But he humbled himself.

He did not exercise those rights of power, though he could have.

Think about John 13.

What a wonderful example.

Jesus knew that the Father had given all things into his hand, the text tells us.

He knew where he came from.

He knew where he was going.

There was no insecurity in Jesus.

He wasn't confused about his identity.

And what did he do?

What did he do with that knowledge and that power?

What did he knew with his position?

What did he do as the Son of God?

He arose from supper and laid aside his garments and took a towel, and he folded that towel, girded himself with it, and poured water into a basin, and laid that basin beside the feet of every disciple and began to wash their feet.

That scene had to be astonishing.

And you might ask, well, I wonder if they continued the conversation, if someone started to talk about something.

Or was that a captivating moment, so that the room was silent as they watched Jesus wash their feet?

Jesus did not wash feet because he forgot who he was.

He washed feet because he knew who he was.

His humility didn't come from weakness.

It came from strength that was governed by love.

That's the pattern for husbands.

A husband who understands his calling doesn't use leadership to escape service.

He uses service to express the leadership.

He uses the leadership to enter that service more deeply.

He doesn't say, because I'm to lead, I'm not going to stoop.

He says, christ leads by serving, and I must learn to do likewise.

You know, you really can't claim to love like Christ loved and refuse that.

You can't demand submission while refusing to sacrifice yourself.

You can't speak of leadership without despising servanthood.

That's what happens with a prideful man.

And so the cross doesn't just merely define what Christ did in the sense that he died.

It defines the shape of our calling, our purpose.

You see, Jesus came not to be served.

Matthew 20 says, but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many.

And so arrogance in a marriage, it shows itself up in a lot of different ways.

A man could belittle his wife if it makes him feel superior.

He wants to gain some position.

He may control every decision that's made.

Or he may refuse to admit any wrong.

He may interrupt conversations.

Or when a conversation is rarely engaged in, he's thinking about how he could answer instead of listening intently on what's being said.

He may mock, he may ridicule, he may dismiss it as being unimportant to him.

Or he may give a long lecture and expect everyone to pay attention.

He may act as though the home exists to orbit around his own likes and his own preferences.

But then arrogance can also appear in different ways.

A husband may always have to have the final authority in every minor disagreement.

Or he may dismiss his wife's concern as well.

You're just too emotional to see this.

Or he may act as though his work is more exhausting and his pressures are more serious.

Or his perspective is more rational and more practical and his needs are more urgent.

And so he may listen only long enough to prepare for some response.

And that's not love, for instance.

That's pride wearing the clothing of leadership.

Love refuses this spirit.

It won't do that.

Love is humble.

Humble enough to listen and humble enough to learn and to engage.

And humble enough to admit our need for mercy and grace.

It is humble enough to say, I was wrong.

I hope you forgive me.

It's humble enough to ask, help me understand what you're feeling.

Humble enough to admit my tone was sinful.

Even if my point was right, you might not say that.

One of the clearest biblical pictures of pride that we see in the Bible is the healing of the story of Naaman.

You remember the story?

Well, I'm sure at second Kings five, Naaman was a powerful man.

And that's what makes this, that event and his character so meaningful.

In our study, he was the captain of the host of the king of Syria, very honorable man, very successful.

He was a man of position.

But the Bible says he was a leper.

And that one statement humbled the whole picture.

He had rank, but he had a disease and it humiliated him.

He had honor, but he was unclean.

And even though he was a powerful man, he had no means on earth to cure himself.

And when he heard about the prophet of God, Naaman went to Elisha expecting a certain kind of treatment.

Now, this illustrates perfectly well the same problem that people have in our society.

It seems very common for a person to want to be saved on their own terms.

It's like they're saying to God now, I would rather not be saved the way you and fulfilled, to follow your will and to do what you're asking me to Do.

I'd rather make it up myself.

I like the way I want to be saved.

And so they go around talking about how they got saved.

And what they did was not even a second cousin to anything they read in the Bible.

But they got saved.

Well, that was kind of Naaman's problem.

See, he had an expectation.

He had a.

A certain kind of treatment that he was expecting the prophet to give.

And because he didn't give it the way the prophet gave it, he was insulted, he was angry, and went away wroth.

Well, he was a powerful man.

And he imagined that the prophet would come out and call on the name of the Lord and wave his hand over the place and heal the leprosy.

But instead, making matters worse, Elijah Elisha didn't even come out.

He sent a messenger.

Told him to wash in the Jordan seven times.

Oh, he was so angry.

Are not Abana and Pharfah the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel?

His pride nearly kept him diseased.

He'd already decided what healing should look like.

You see what I'm getting at?

And when God, his instructions didn't match his expectation, he was mad.

He was offended by it.

And that's how pride works in marriages.

A man can say he wants things to improve, but only if improvement comes in a way that flatters him and it satisfies him.

And he wants things to be better.

He wants healing, but he doesn't want to be humiliated.

He wants restoration, but he doesn't want to confess.

Oh, he wants things to be peaceful and more at harmony, but he doesn't want to be told, go wash in the Jordan.

And sometimes the very thing that would heal a marriage feels too lowly to the proud heart, you know, for someone to say, you know, I need you to apologize, you've hurt me, or I need you to listen to me without correcting me.

Or maybe his wife says, honey, I just need you to stop dismissing my concerns.

I need you to admit that your anger has wounded me, has hurt me.

But to the proud man, those words feel like an insult immediately.

Rather than seeing this as an a means of satisfying and serving her needs and improving his character, he's all of a sudden taking it as an insult.

They may be the very Jordan river where healing begins.

Naaman was cleansed only when he humbled himself.

He went down, dipped himself seven times, and his flesh came again like the flesh of a little child.

Pride would have preserved his dignity, but it would have kept his disease.

Humility cost him his pride, but it gave him healing.

Do you see that?

Marriage oftentimes works the same way?

Because pride can keep a man from healing.

What humility could restore?

Many a conflict in marriage remains unresolved, not because they're really all that complicated, but simply because pride refuses to acknowledge any wrong.

It refuses to confess.

And thus the healing is never met.

Another powerful example is the Pharisee and the publican.

In Luke 18, you will remember how Jesus told this parable to certain people who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and despised all others.

Two men went up to the temple to pray.

The Pharisee stood and prayed with himself.

That's interesting.

He wasn't even talking to God.

And prayers are oftentimes that way.

I've heard prayers almost look like a sermon.

Seems like a guy wanted to express how much Bible he knew.

And so quoting scripture, as if God didn't know it or something.

It's a.

It's amazing how many prayers take a similar twist.

And look, it's like, I don't know who you're talking to, but we would.

I want to be talking to my father.

And we're not talking to one another.

You know, we're.

We're petitioning.

We're.

We're calling upon our Father to meet our needs and to help us spiritually and to give us healing.

And so that requires a need for mercy and a recognition of our position before him and to humble ourselves to find that healing.

And so this man, he wasn't like that at all.

And not only was he praying with himself, God, notice what he says to God.

I'm thankful, God, that I'm not like other men are.

And he began to list the sins of these other men.

And when he got through, he then began to mention the virtues of himself.

I'm not like other men.

What do I do?

Well, I fast and I give tithes, and.

And you see, he was sold on himself.

But the publican, he stood afar off.

He wouldn't lift his eyes to heaven, but smote his breath, saying, God, be merciful to me, a sinner.

Jesus said that publican went down to his house, justified rather than the Pharisee.

You see the problem.

The Pharisee had religious language.

He was involved religiously.

I mean, he was on, no doubt on his way to some religious event.

But there was no humility.

He had moral comparison, but he had no repentance.

He knew sin and could identify it in others, but he couldn't see it in himself.

And that can happen in marriage.

A husband could think, well, you know, I work hard.

I provide.

I'm faithful.

I'm not like other men.

I don't run around.

I don't abandon my family.

And all of that might be true, and still his heart may be proud.

A man can use his strengths to avoid confessing his sins, just like this pharisee did.

He can hide behind what all the good things he does.

He can hide behind what he does right, so he doesn't have to face what he's doing wrong.

He can say, look at all that I've done.

When the real question is, have you loved her like Christ loved us?

And do you demonstrate it by a humble spirit?

The publican teaches us something very essential.

And that is the doorway to mercy is not superiority.

It's mere confession.

The man who goes home justified is not the man who proves that he's better than somebody else or knows more or is better qualified.

It's the man who bows low and cries for mercy.

That's the man that's justified.

And that's why love is not arrogant.

It's not obsessed with protecting its own image.

A proud man would rather appear right than become righteous.

But a loving man would rather be humble than preserve a false appearance of strength.

We see that danger in another character.

It's found over in 2 Chronicles 26, and it's King Uzziah.

Uzziah was greatly blessed by God and became strong and prospered.

His name spread abroad.

But the scripture says that when he was strong, his heart was lifted up to his destruction.

That sentence should sober every man.

When we get strong, our heart begins to lift up.

That is to say, we begin to be prideful.

Strength is dangerous when it's not governed by humility.

Success is dangerous when it teaches a man to trust in himself.

And authority is dangerous when it's used without fear of God.

Uzziah entered the temple to burn incense and something that, you know he had no right to do.

The priests withstood him and told him that he had transgressed.

But Uzziah got angry.

And instead of receiving that correction, he resisted it.

His pride turned correction into a conflict.

And that's the test of humility.

You want to know if you're a humble person, how do you respond when you're corrected?

I'm not talking about whether the correction is accurate or not.

I'm talking about at any point, when someone thinks you need correction and gives it to you, how do you respond to that?

Not when you're praised, not when you're thanked, not when everyone agrees with you.

But how do you respond when someone says, you know, you're wrong about that?

A proud man would probably attack.

He'll be on the defensive.

He'll attack the messenger.

He'll change the subject if he can't.

And he may list the other person's faults, like a lot of siblings do, their brother or sister when they're corrected.

And they'll say, well, you're a good one to talk.

You do the same thing.

Or he may become silent and cold.

He may apologize in a way that's really not an apology.

How many times have you heard someone say, well, I'm.

I'm sorry you feel that way and seem to be so sincere and, and humble in their.

In their tone and in their approach.

But that's not a confession.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

All right.

Or, here's another one.

I guess I can't do anything right.

I mean, see, that's a selfish comment.

It's certainly not humility.

That's pride defending itself with the wounded language.

I guess I just can't do anything right.

You see, love receives correction very differently.

It says, let me hear what you have to say.

It says, why do you feel that way?

In other words, they're looking for an opportunity for them to convict them, to show, to help them see it.

Saying something like that, as if giving some kind of a sentence or some conclusion, that's not going to be very convincing.

You want to know, and so you're anxious.

How is it that you feel this way?

Let me hear more.

There may be something I need to see.

Love says, even if I don't agree with everything, I'm going to examine myself before God.

There's a proverb that says, rebuke a wise man and he'll love you.

Now, that's not natural.

It's certainly not the carnal mindset.

That's spiritual maturity.

But a wise man loves the wound that heals him.

Now, this doesn't mean a husband should become passive and weak, unable to lead at all.

Biblical human humility is not the absence of conviction.

Jesus was humble, and yet he wasn't weak.

He corrected sin, he confronted it.

He confronted hypocrisy.

He spoke truth, but he never used truth as a weapon of self exaltation.

That's a very important point.

He spoke as one who came to save, not as one who needed to prove his superiority or that he was right.

And that's the difference.

Pride uses truth to win an argument.

It wants to elevate yourself and put you on top.

But Love uses truth to serve, even if it makes you look the worse for it.

And so it takes strength to do that.

And so in a home and applying it to a husband and potential, a husband has to ask himself, am I using truth to build up or to dominate?

Am I correcting because I love or because I want control?

And to prove that I know what I'm talking about, and you better listen to me, am I leading my wife toward Christ or am I proving that I'm right?

Imagine a man holding a flashlight in a dark, dark room, and he's got the flashlight to help people see.

And you've probably been in this position before.

Perhaps a child or someone's got the light in their hands.

And when you talk, all of a sudden when that.

When they turn, the light turns with them.

And guess where the light goes?

Why?

Right in your face, right in your eyes, you can't see a thing.

And if you shine it directly to someone's eyes, it blinds them.

Well, truth is like that because truth is light.

It illuminates.

But a proud man, he can hardly handle truth in a way that.

That helps.

He wants to wound.

He wants to shine the light in their eyes.

He wants to make it so forceful that it's hard for them to bear it.

You know, in Ephesians 4, when Paul spoke about speaking the truth, notice he.

He attaches it.

But speaking the truth in love may grow into all things.

Notice in Love or Colossians 4, I believe, verse 6, where Paul says that let your words be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how to answer each man.

Oh, my friends, a proud man can't handle truth in any other way.

But a loving man, he cares.

He cares how he uses that light.

Now, Paul also says that love is not irritable.

I don't know if we'll have time to look at this entirely, but I want to introduce it to you.

The King James text says that love is not easily provoked.

And if patience describes the positive side of this restrained love, then this describes what love refuses to become.

Love refuses to live constantly on the edge of reaction, just waiting, like, you know, having a chip on your shoulder, just waiting for someone to knock it off.

That's irritability.

And it's more serious than people assume.

It often appears small.

A little aggravated tone, maybe a sharp answer or sigh or a rolling of the eyes or dismissive look.

Maybe a slammed cabinet because you're angry or a sarcastic comment.

There's all kinds of ways that it might show itself.

It could just simply be silence that chills the room.

But the cumulative effect in marriage can be very profound.

Irritability communicates that the other person is a burden rather than being a companion.

And we want to pick this thought up and express some concerns about what.

What love should be on the other side, the positive side, to turn one's response, to be very patient and to listen.

And to realize that it's not based or dependent on a person's mood.

And we'll come back to this then, Lord willing, for next Sunday.

I thank you so much for listening.

I hope you have a good day and a pleasant weekend.