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Most people think flirting is only for the early days of a relationship, something that happens naturally when desire strikes. But in a long-term partnership, the mood doesn't come first. The action does. Attraction doesn't actually disappear over the years, it just stops being expressed, and that silence stops sending your partner the message: I still want you.

This episode follows Ryan and Mel, together twelve years, who realised they hadn't flirted with each other since 2015. A simple three-week challenge, one small flirtatious thing each day, changed the atmosphere between them.

You'll hear the specific, genuine signals that worked for them, from a text to a hand through the hair to lingering eye contact, plus today's challenge: pick one small thing that says I find you attractive, and do it.

Daily Relationship Tips helps couples strengthen relationship communication, rebuild emotional intimacy, restore relationship trust, develop healthy relationship habits and reconnect before emotional distance becomes permanent.

Hosted by Alastair Duhs, relationship coach and creator of Reconnected.

A couple I once worked with, I'll call them Ryan and Mel had been together 12 years.

By their own account, they were happy.

But when I asked them when they'd last flirted with each other, they both burst out laughing.

Ryan looked at Mel and said, when do you think?

2015?

Mel laughed again.

Then she went a little quiet.

Actually, she said, I miss it.

Hi, I'm Alastair Dues and this is the daily Relationship Tips podcast where I share simple, practical tools to help you and your partner feel close, connected and in love again, one small habit at a time.

Now here's what many people don't realize.

Flirting isn't just for the early days of a relationship.

It's one of the most powerful ways to keep desire and attraction alive in a long term partnership.

When you flirt with your partner, you're not just being playful, you're sending a message that matters.

I still find you attractive.

I still want you.

You still do something to me.

This kind of flirting communicates that you still want your partner.

And in long term relationships, that message makes an enormous difference to how loved, attractive and valued your partner feels.

Now here's what many people get wrong.

They think flirting is something that happens naturally when desire is present.

So when the early relationship intensity settles, which it always does in a long term relationship, flirting fades because the mood isn't quite right.

But here's the thing.

In long term relationships, you can't wait for the mood.

The mood follows the action.

Flirt first, the feeling builds from there.

Ryan and Mel had fallen into a pattern that's incredibly common.

They were warm with each other, they were kind to each other, but they'd essentially become very good friends and co parents.

The attraction was still there, but they just weren't expressing it.

And over time, without that expression, it had started to feel quieter and quieter.

So when I worked with them, I gave them a challenge.

For three weeks, each of them would do at least one flirtatious thing per day.

It didn't need to be elaborate, it just needed to be intentional and genuine.

Ryan sent Mel a text one afternoon that just said, I was just thinking about how good you looked this morning.

She screenshotted it and sent it to me.

He hasn't said anything like this in years, she wrote.

I've been smiling all day.

Mel started running her hand through Ryan's hair when she walked past him in the kitchen, she started making more eye contact.

She told him out of nowhere one evening that she found him more attractive now than when they met.

Ryan told me the shift in atmosphere at home was remarkable.

It's like we woke something up, he said.

So here are some simple ways to flirt with your partner.

Send a flirtatious text during the day.

Not what do you want for dinner?

But something that lets them know you're thinking about them in a particular way.

Tell them they're beautiful or handsome, specifically sincerely.

Run your fingers through their hair when you walk past.

Hug and kiss them with a little more intention than usual.

Make lingering eye contact and smile.

Let them catch you looking.

None of these are grand gestures.

They're small signals.

But those signals add up to something your partner feels deeply.

I am still wanted by this person.

I am still desired.

And that feeling is profoundly connecting.

I've seen flirting revive relationships that had gone very flat, not because it solved anything structural, but because it reminded both people that there's still something between them that's alive and worth tending.

So here's your challenge for Flirt with your partner right now.

Think of one small thing you can do or say today that I find you attractive.

I want you.

You still affect me.

Then do it.

Because couples who keep flirting with each other, who keep signaling desire and attraction across the years, maintain a current of aliveness in the relationship that keeps it from going flat.

Attraction doesn't disappear in long term relationships, it just stops being expressed.

So start expressing it again and notice how quickly a little intentional desire changes the energy between you.

Now, if today's tip landed for you, there's a lot more where it came from.

Head to daily relationshiptips.com and take the free two minute quiz to see how connected you and your partner are right now.

And while you're there, you'll find a stack of relationship resources to help you put these habits into practice.

Everything you need to create a happier, more loving and connected relationship is waiting for you.

Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.