Today, I've invited Jessica Koosed Etting onto the podcast for a conversation about family life, the mental load on moms, and how we can make things a little bit simpler and easier. 

You’ll Learn:

• Why motherhood feels so overwhelming (it’s not just you!)
• Why your own parents might not be able to relate to your mental load
• How to reduce your mental load, involve your family, and feel more calm

While perfection is impossible, there are ways to be more proactive and organized, so that we feel a little less pressure, stress, and overwhelm.

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Jessica Koosed Etting is the co-founder and CEO of Jam, a pioneering family calendar app designed to dismantle mental load and make family life more efficient and equitable. She’s also a mom of 3 boys, ages 10-14. 

The Mental Load on Moms

You know the scenario… You drive your kid to soccer (or whatever activity you’re going to) and get there only to realize they’re missing some important piece of gear or equipment. You get frustrated with yourself, your partner, or your kid, and you dump your emotions on them (i.e. yelling, arguing, blaming). Then, you get out of the car and pretend like everything’s fine, even though you know it was just a total shitshow. There’s this bit of shame or embarrassment that you forgot something, that you made a mistake. 

As moms, there is a LOT coming at us - appointments, kids’ activities, assignments, shopping lists, to-dos, and all the expectations that come with them.

In the digital age of parenting, information comes at you constantly from a ton of different sources. You’re getting emails (maybe from multiple schools), notifications from WhatsApp or other group messaging apps, text messages, and trying to keep it all straight. And because people are so connected, plans can be changed very quickly (and often!).

It’s easy to look around and think that something’s wrong with you because you can’t seem to hold it all together. But it’s not just you. You’re not going crazy, and you’re not just a hot mess. 

Motherhood is overwhelming. Information keeps coming at us, faster than we can process it. And we put so much pressure on ourselves to get it all right, all the time (aka perfectionism). 

In case you aren’t familiar with the term mental load, it’s basically that ticker tape that’s constantly running through your head. It’s all the schedules, to-do lists, the things that everybody needs. The “what’s next?” that never seems to end. You’re carrying all the things that keep your family running inside your own brain.

Jessica shares that, according to research, moms typically carry 90% more of this mental load than their male partners. It takes its toll, leading to stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout. 

And it affects our relationships, too. You can’t be truly present with your kids, partner, or friends when your brain is constantly working. It’s like you can never turn it off and recharge. Plus, when you’re feeling stressed and anxious, you’re more likely to snap at the people you love. 

In short, you get dysregulated. You can’t find that calm, connected place.

Simplifying Family Life

As we talk about strategies to manage complex family life, keep in mind that a little grace and compassion for yourself goes a really long way, too.

While perfection is impossible, there are ways to be more proactive and organized, so that we feel a little less of that pressure, stress, and overwhelm.

Jessica and her sister, Amanda, created the Jam app to help with managing the mental load in a few ways:

Take the information out of your brain

Keeping track of everything in your brain is a sure-fire way to feel like a failure.

Jessica tells us how she used to lay down in bed at night and immediately start running through all the things that had to happen the next day. Sound familiar? In an attempt to calm her mind, she’d grab her phone and email herself reminders. But then she woke up the next morning to a series of emails that no longer made sense. 

Sure, you can remember that there’s a dance recital Friday night, but what about all the little things that need to happen in order to be ready for it? You need a reliable place to store information and details.

Create space to relax

When you’re trying to remember it all, you can get into a constant state of vigilance. It becomes a habit of stress and makes it nearly impossible for you to relax.

When you have a place to put that information, you can start to shift the stress habit by reminding yourself, “Yes, I already thought about this. I know where it is. I won’t forget.” You’re more able to relax in the present because you’ve got the future handled. As you practice this, you’ll learn to trust yourself more.

Share the load

While creating Jam, Jessica and her sister also talked to a lot of husbands and male partners. And they learned that they’re not happy with the way things are going, either. They often felt like they didn’t have all of the information and were operating blindly. They wanted to be more aware and involved with what is going on in their family.

When you have a shared system that the whole family can access, it allows you to share more of the responsibility. When you can see how many tasks are assigned to each person, it becomes obvious when you need to redistribute to make things more fair or sustainable. 

This not only benefits you, but your kids also have more insight into what’s coming up in their own lives (think kids’ birthday parties, school spirit days, etc.). Kids can feel stressed when they don’t know what to expect, and their stress usually becomes your stress. Plus, your children learn responsibility and feel empowered when they have more ownership over their schedule and activities.

You can even include caregivers, grandparents, and other relatives in the app if you have people who are regularly helping out with your family. 

The Jam App: Your New Secret Weapon

At the time they created the Jam app, Jessica and Amanda were raising 5 kids between the two of them - from baby to teen. Even though they both had great husbands who wanted to be involved in family life, they still found themselves as the chief receivers and disseminators of family information. And they were drowning in it.

They were both used to using project management tools in their work environments and wondered if there was a way to support families in the same way. 

Jam is like the digital version of a huge kitchen whiteboard. It has all the information, but you can access it from anywhere (and you don’t have to write it all out by hand). Jam is more than a calendar - it’s a whole system. 

You can even forward email to Jam so that it automatically suggests events for your calendar, along with information you might need about location, what to bring, how to prepare, etc. This is a game-changer for families with school-age kids.

Huge thanks to Jessica for sharing her insights and solutions with us, and joining the conversation about how we can reduce unrealistic expectations and pressure on moms. 

You’ll Learn:

• Why motherhood feels so overwhelming (it’s not just you!)
• Why your own parents might not be able to relate to your mental load
• How to reduce your mental load, involve your family, and feel more calm

Connect with Jessica:

• Try the Jam Family Calendar app 
• Follow along on Instagram @jamfamilycalendar

Free Resources:

Get your copy of the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet!

In this free guide you’ll discover:

✨ A simple tool to stop yelling once you’ve started (This one thing will get you calm.)

✨ 40 things to do instead of yelling. (You only need to pick one!)

✨ Exactly why you yell. (And how to stop yourself from starting.)

✨A script to say to your kids when you yell. (So they don't follow you around!)

Download the Stop Yelling Cheat Sheet here

Connect With Darlynn: 

• Book a complimentary session with Darlynn
• Learn about the different parenting programs at www.calmmamacoaching.com
• Follow me on Instagram @darlynnchildress for daily tips 
• Rate and review the podcast on Itunes

Welcome back to become a calm mama. Today on the podcast, I've

invited Jessica Eddings to come and talk to us about a

new app that she created for families to

make life simpler. Jam family calendar is not

just a calendar app. It also helps you organize to do

lists as well as shopping lists, and you can

connect those to do lists and those shopping lists to the events on the calendar,

and you can assign them to different members of your family. So you can assign

them to your partner, to caregivers, to grandparents, to nannies,

to whoever is helping support your life. And then the

coolest feature is that any emails that you receive that have

information about, like, your kids upcoming

recitals or this annual school calendar or

camp calendar, any of those things, you can forward them to the

Jam calendar app, and and they will auto populate all of

those dates and to do lists and and items to

bring in the app. So it's a really powerful

tool. I'm really excited to share it with you. Jessica's lovely. We have a really

great conversation about family life and mental

load and all the things that make life hard and a

solution to make it a little bit easier. So please enjoy

this interview with Jessica Eddying.

I'm really excited to have Jessica Eddings on today. She

is going to share with us a lot about the mental load and

just that, that pressure we feel as moms. So I wanna

just say hi to you, Jessica. Introduce yourself. Tell us a

little bit about you, and then we'll get into all the details.

Hi. Thanks for having me. It's so nice to be here. Yes. My name is

Jessica. I'm the founder of Jam, which is a calendar and

organization app for families. Before that, I had many

years in the entertainment industry, you know, doing all

sorts of storytelling and film and TV. And then I

ultimately I became a mom, and I started to

see all the challenges out there for parents,

especially in today's kind of very busy modern

times that kind of inspired me on a path towards

how can we make life easier for families and

parents out there. And, honestly, especially for the moms who

I think we all know shoulder a lot of that burden

day in and day out and, you know, just ways that

we can make all that a little bit easier for everybody.

Yeah. Well, it's so important, this discussion

and apps like Jam or just solutions because yes.

So as we're gonna get into, it's fairly it's a lot it's a

lot of, expectations and a lot coming at moms,

particularly parents in general, but of course, moms in particular.

And why I wanted to have you on is because we have, this

podcast has become a calm mama. And on this podcast, we talk

about parenting strategies, mindset work for moms,

the, you know, demands on parents.

And one of the major things is the mental

load on moms. And that is like so I think sometimes as

women and as moms, we think something's wrong with us because we can't get it

together. Like, we just can't figure it out. And then, you know,

my audience had listened to this podcast and they're like, this is all great. And

I still feel really overwhelmed. And the strategies

that I offer are all incredible, super valuable. And

at the same time, they don't really address sort of this bigger picture

problem that I see it as, like, each

family is dealing with these micro micro overwhelming in their

own life, and they don't realize they're part of a bigger

system of this mental load as we're talking about

it. So I wondered if you could speak to that. Like, what is that big

picture that you see in families and the the general overwhelm? Make

it a little normalize it for all of us. It's not just you going crazy.

Like, there's stuff going on that makes it hard. So can you speak to that

a little bit? Yes. And I can speak firsthand to the fact

that it is happening to everybody, but, also,

everybody seems to think that they're the only one and everybody

else has it figured out. When we were talking to so many

families as we were developing Jam, that was the number one thing

we kept hearing. Oh, I know everybody else has this figured out, but I just

can't figure out. We keep double booking, and we keep this, and we keep forgetting

to leave the house without everything we need. So it's shocking

that so many of us are feeling this way, but thinking

we're the only ones that don't have it. I'm going to the bigger

question of what is the mental load and, you know, why is it

kind of existing in such full force for all of us. Well, let me I

wanna say something. I was just thinking about, like, that, like,

argument in the car that people have, like, either the parents

or, like, you're sort of frustrated with your kid because they

didn't bring something, or you're mad at yourself so then you dump it on your

kid. Then everybody gets out of the car and arrives at the thing and acts

like we're all normal. But we all had a little bit of a shit show

in the car or at the house. And then we all, like, feel this,

you know, small amounts of shame or embarrassment, but no one talks about it. So

yeah. Like, it's happening everywhere. Right. That's exactly

right. Or feeling like, oh, we almost ran out of the house without

knowing it was a certain spirit day or that this or that or we're gonna

really quickly try to pull it all together. So nobody knows that we

actually had no clue and so much pressure, you know, that we

we put on ourselves. And I get it, and I feel it too. But I

agree with you that kind of normalizing that none of us

have it covered all the time, and it's actually

actually in today's age, I think impossible to just

be on top of every single thing all day long, all the

time. You know, we wanna try to be proactive and organized, but I

also think that a little bit of grace goes a a really long way

too. Yeah. Well, I was my mother in law's in town, and

I just asked her if she'd ever heard the phrase mental load.

And she was like, no. You know? She's, like, just

turned 80. And I was like, you know, it's like that that thing

that moms do that that we just have, like, all the schedules in our head

and all the to do lists and all the things we need to get, all

the things everybody needs. And it's almost like

a a file folder or, like, your Google doc inside your brain.

Your Google. Your brain is Google inside. It's like it's like a

Google or a ticker tape, like, what's next? What's next? What's

next? All day long. Yes. Yeah. Because I feel like

in my family I have older kids now, but they'll say all the

years, like, mom, what are we doing today? Mom, what's going on? Mom? And I

feel like they I'm the Google for mom, like, mom. And

then I'm, you know, trying to tell them all the things and tell my

husband all the things. And yeah. So that mental load is, like, what we

carry. It's everything that makes the

family run. Right? And Yes. If you think about

it like a Trello board or a spreadsheet or something like

that, it, you know, it'd be an intensive amount of

information, and we're carrying it in our brain.

And what's the impact of that? What do you see?

So I just wanted to say you're so right. It is literally

being all carried in the brain and with kind of no place

to put all of the information because there are so many

logistics that are coming at families and all of us every

single day. It's the schedules. It's the things that need to get bought. It's the

things that need to get done before the thing that's happening on

Friday. And so much of this is only known by mom.

It's the text message that you got that the ride for your kid on Thursday

is actually not gonna happen. So now you need to find a different ride that

you either need to handle yourself or you need to now communicate to the rest

of your family so they can also help figure things out

or know where where they need to be or what they need to do. And

I think what we see as a result of this, you're basically turning

your brain into this operating system. And we see a

number of ways that this plays out. First and foremost, tons of research

shows that this level of mental load that moms are

carrying because they tend to carry it, you know, 90%

more than men are, than their male partners, is

it's anxiety, it's stress, it's depression, it's

burnout. But I think what we see even more

specifically day in and day out is that you're trying to maybe

sit there and enjoy a few moments with your child after

school or on the couch, and your brain is saying

to you, oh, oh, oh, I gotta make sure that we put that thing in

the backpack that, oh, shoot. Did I defrost the chicken for dinner?

Oh, this one is gonna need a ride in ten minutes, and I didn't tell

my husband yet even though maybe he was supposed to already know. But if I

don't remind him, he'll forget. So it's kind of like when you

can never turn off your brain, you can't be as present, and you

don't get those, like, kind of recharge moments, which is then

obviously what leads to that burnout and anxiety.

And I think even going a step further, I know for me, if I'm feeling

stressed out or if I'm feeling anxious, then I'm gonna snap

more quickly. If I'm not present and my kid's asking me questions, but I'm sitting

there thinking about all the stuff I need to get done, I'm not gonna look

them in the eye and just give them a calm answer. I'm gonna go, what?

What did you say? And that's obviously not the way that

we, you know, wanna go through life. But when it feels like the

information is coming at us so fast that our brains can barely have time

to process it, that's what happens a lot of the time.

Yeah. And I I see it in my work because I work specifically with

moms all day every day that they are like you know

what? I I can't handle this right now. You know, they'll snap and say something

like that or like, this isn't important right now, you know, and it's so

important to their child in the moment or they their

child is sensing that anxiety. They're, you know, catching

their they're they're looking for coregulation. Their parent is dysregulated. And so then

they're, you know, not able to coregulate. And I never and

on this podcast, we're really careful to, like, not

make people wrong. Like, you know,

it isn't because you're bad. There's something wrong with you.

You're, like, not common enough. Like, it's also because

of what we're talking about. We have so much in our heads,

and there are tools like what you've created with

Jam that are helpful for people

to regulate their schedules and have plans and all of

those things. And I think it's that vigilance that

we're talking about where you're just kind of like, oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh my god. It becomes a habit of stress in many ways

to get, like, you can't

relax because you you're pretty sure you're gonna miss something if you do. So

you stay in that vigilant state. And

it's using apps like jam that are helpful

for us to teach ourselves, oh, I already stressed about

that. I already thought about that. Or, oh, that's on

my list. Let me put it here and then deal with, like, future

me can deal with that if I tell if I tell her. Right? I can

relax into the present because I've got future me handled. Or, hey. You know

what? Pass me. Hook me up and set me up for

today. So I'm good. I can relax. And I think we

have to trust ourselves in these apps and using them because

that vigilance can become a pattern. And I don't know if you've

seen that for yourself. Listen. That was how we

founded this. I before jam, I used to try to go

to bed at night, and, oh, there it begins. Oh

my gosh. We have to fill in the blank of all the different things that

have to get done tomorrow or that I forgot to tell my partner or that

I have to tell my kid before they go to school. And I would keep

taking out my phone and emailing myself. Right? Like, just a

brain dump email. And then I would wake up in the morning to this crazy,

you know, series of emails. From yourself.

By myself. That I and some of them,

I couldn't even understand in the morning. Right? And I, you

know, I had no place to put all that information to your

point. And it does feel like such a relief if something pops in my

head now at any time of day. I personally know if I put

it in Jam, whether it's an event or something we need to do or buy,

not only is it there for me to see later, but it's also there for

my husband or my kids to see also if it's something that

relates to them as well. I think so much of this vigilance comes

from I am the only person who knows all the thing.

Yeah. And so when you give everybody else in the

family the ability to access it a little bit more,

that also helps take some of that off your shoulders.

Even my husband will say to me sometimes at night, oh, we have to, you

know, pay that bill tomorrow. Put it in Jam. I can't really

take in that information right now, so put it in Jam. We have a shared

system now. And when I have time tomorrow, for sure, it'll get

done. No problem. Yeah. Well, we are burying the lead a little bit

because we aren't giving them enough information about what jam is

yet. But look how excited we are about it. Because

so everyone is like, what are they talking about? What is jam? And do I

need it? The answer is yes. And

it really is a solution for the mental load as a family

calendar. And before we even get into the all the details, because

I I really do I've been using it for the last hour. I didn't have

that much time to, explore it. But

I wanna take just a step back because I was thinking about when you're talking

about going to bed. And maybe some moms would like to know,

like, how many kids do you have? How far apart are they? You

know, when has it been the most overwhelming for you? Like, when did you

create this? What years were so challenging?

And I've I've noticed as a person who works with families

that those, like, kind of seven

year old that starts to kick in really once they get into sports and play

dates and enrichment, The school information comes in. It can start

younger, but it really is like, we start

getting information from other

places, like sports teams, girl scouts,

church organizations, classroom parties,

school events, community events, your

family events, like extended family birthday parties,

so many different things Yes. Come

in. And so tell us, like, about

your kids and your a little bit of your backstory there.

Yeah. So I have three boys. They

are 10, 13, and 14 now.

When I first started conceiving of Jam, they

were all more about elementary school age,

And I do think Three boys. Yeah. Busy Three

boys. Busy schedules. That that elementary

school hits that age six or seven, and you are off to the

races. And then you get two in that sweet spot, and you are

really off to the races. And I think, you know,

one extra detail of everything you were saying, the sports teams

and the activities and the enrichment and the classes and plus school,

and, you know, a lot of times your kids are not at the same school.

One's in nursery school, on one's in elementary. Right now, I have elementary, junior

high, and high school. That's three schools sending me information every

single week. And I wanna see how the

information comes because it's not consistent. It is saying.

It comes okay. So I get an email. I'm on a WhatsApp. I'm in

a That's right. The school newsletter. The teachers

and stuff, it could be sent on the platform, like, whatever your school district platform

is and whatever the platform the teacher is using. I cannot believe

that the amount of information parents get, but then also the diverse

sources. And then, of course, you have the text messages, and some of them are

on text, and some of them are on WhatsApp. It is a lot.

It is a lot. Throw in a few sports apps also, and

it is a lot. And that is why kinda

going back to what we were talking about at the beginning of this conversation,

I mean, really, you look at a parent's phone or just

computer, and it's like ding, ding, ding, you know, of all

this kind of input, you know, coming our way

of what's needed in the classroom and coming in different ways. So then

you're like, I have a vague recollection that someone sent me something about a

class party. I was, you know, in the middle of work when it got sent

to me. But where is it? Was it an email? Was it a text?

Was it on the WhatsApp chain? Was it in the portal? And now you're going

and searching for all of that. So that makes me

feel so hard. Just hearing it. You know? It's just when I when I

asked my little mother-in-law, you know, what did you do have mental

load? She's, no. I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. I just

think, well, because she got pieces of paper when she rates her

babies. Paper Yes. That you could put on a bulletin board,

and everybody could see it. And I think the second part of that is being

in this digital age, not only are things just coming at

us willy nilly, but they can be changed on a dime. Oh,

software's not Tuesday. It's Wednesday now. Because we can just send a text to

everybody. Before that would have entailed, like, yes, sending a

letter home or calling everybody. Yeah. Like a phone chain.

Right. Right. So I think that the virtue of the

digital era is that people, you know, are able to, like, plan all these

things and do all these things and change them very quickly. But that

relate you know, that ends up having a lot more kind of stress

and chaos and logistical challenges for the

families that are in intersecting all of these messages all day

long. And I hear from my mamas, like, they'll talk to their

parents about their stress, and their parents are like, you know,

what are you talking about? Like, I raised you kids, and it wasn't this comp

you know, they it's not that they're I think they have compassion, but they have

a little judgment. Like, what are you ladies doing that's making it you're making it

so hard for yourself? You're that you're overcomplicating it or,

oh, well, don't do so many activities. But even for people

who are trying to be mindful about that, I mean, a sports team one sports

team has a lot of output just by itself. Yeah. And

that way, like, if you were raising kids before

cell phones, you could you would just show up at the baseball field

or with a dance recital. There'd be, like, a sign or nobody would be there.

You'd be like, well, I guess it got canceled. I don't know. You just go

home. And now you're just getting information or you stand around, and then some

other mom's like, I don't know. And then someone else is like, oh, I heard

they were sick. Oh, okay. Bye. It just

wasn't the same amount of info coming to your head. You were

dealing it more dealing with it more in real time, I think. In in

real time, and I think there was really something to

even let's take birthday parties, for example, the way it used to be. Even when

I was growing up, you would get a paper invitation in the mail. You had

to call to RSVP. You know, we would put it on this bulletin

board that was in the kitchen. Every day when I walked by, I would see

that invitation. I would know as a kid, I'm going to my friend's party on

this day, at this time. And we just don't have that when it's

coming in digitally and you're getting 10 eBites. Yeah. The kids have no

idea. No. They have no idea. And it really you know, we're

talking about it being stressful on the parents, but it also really

stresses the kids out, which again stresses out the parents.

But my son used to always say to me, you didn't tell me. Give

it something he really wanted to do, like a party or his stuff. You didn't

tell me I had that today. And just because he wanted to know

ahead of time so he could, I guess, mention people are built that way. A

little bit more. Yeah. Yeah. And so just having

a little more oversight of your own life as a kid is also

you know, can can be calming. Oh, I love that. It's so

true. Yeah. So we have also just I think I wrote

here, how the info comes. It's a little

bit more complex, you know, in terms of, like, what the parents are expected

to manage. You know, there's spirit day and there's every week

it's, you know, sock day and crazy hair day. I mean, there's I don't remember

any of this stuff when I was a kid. And Yeah. I just

it's so I know we're trying to make it fun for children, I

guess. But it I don't know how much fun it is for them,

actually, if all the adults around are, like, stressed out about it.

Manufacturing the fun. Yes. Yeah. Manufacturing the fun. It's so

so true. And then so we have all these things, and now we've

done them. So we think we need to do them day one hundred, hundred days,

and, like, I don't know. And then

so it's a little more, like, it's it's more complex

the way that we have assigned meaning to things that maybe aren't

so necessary, like a birthday party or it can be simple. It can be

easy, and yet we wanna make it we almost complicate it

in that way. And it's not it's everyone is in service of their

children. It's all with the best intention. Of

course. Yeah. Of course. Because you might be

sitting there thinking it is so hard to keep up with all these kind

of wants and needs of the spirit and this and that. But, also,

I don't necessarily want my kid to be the only one who, you know, missed

the crazy hair day, and come home and be upset about

that. So Yeah. Opting out doesn't feel do it. Yeah. Opting out

doesn't feel like a solution necessarily. I mean, maybe

as this these kinds of conversations that you and I are having, if we could

have them on a larger scale Yeah.

And have a bigger conversation as a as

a whole society, you know, decide maybe this isn't necessary.

But it is where moms are at now. They do have all

this coming at them. And so let's now get into jam

and, like, you just get to brag about it because it is a really impressive,

tool that you've created, you and your sister, Amanda. And I

just I think you can just share with us all the

features of it. It's really great. Yeah. So

Jam is an all in one calendar and organization app. It

was born literally from the fact, but, yes, I'm a mom of three

kids. And my sister, who's worked in software careers, is a

mom of two. So we have kids literally baby to

teen. And, look, we like to be

organized. I would say I'm the most organized person on the planet,

but that was the whole thing. I needed some help with that. We were both

feeling like we were drowning under these logistics, and we both

were used to work environments where there's, like, you know, a

project management software, something that helps teams work together. And

we're wondering where is that easy app that helps the team

of your family work together? And that also could

then reduce a lot of the mental load on mom's shoulders. Because

we both were sitting there going, look. We've got great partners, great husbands. They

want to be involved. They are involved. And yet somehow, by virtue

of who the emails are coming to and what's going on, we're

still the chief disseminators of all the information. And so

we set out to create a product where we have the calendar, we have to

dos, we have shopping lists, all in one place where the

entire family can access it. And we made it designed that

kids can use it as well if they're old enough with permission.

So are you a little kid, a big kid, a teen, which allows

them to maybe see the things you want them to see. Maybe you have a

to do list for them or a chore list for them every day, or you

want them to see, hey. Look. This is your schedule for tomorrow. You have

soccer, so that means you need to pack your bag, versus

the way most digital calendars work today. You know, if I was using, like, a

Google account, I wouldn't let my kid near that because I'd be scared they're gonna

erase something or whatever. It's not really built for that. We

also have caregiver features.

So if you have a caregiver or a grandparent or a family

member that helps your family out quite a bit, they can have access

to what's going on as well. So a big thing we were trying to

eliminate that we know a lot of moms are doing all day long, especially,

those who are maybe working outside the home, is that mile

long text chain where you're literally on a Zoom or you're in a

meeting and you're getting the text. Wait. Where was soccer? What are they

supposed to bring? What hit? Or, you know, or vice versa. The mom is sitting

going, uh-oh. I better text because it's 03:30. I need to make sure they remember

to pick up. So we're trying to kind of give a central place

where everyone in the family can look. It's almost like that big kitchen whiteboard we

always dream of having, but that I don't think works in real life because

it hurts your hands to write all of that and then to erase it every

month. And let's face it, you're not at home every day. So you don't know

what's going on if you're out and someone asks you, what what are you doing

at 3PM tomorrow? If you're not home, you can't answer. So we kinda set out

to create that kitchen board, but that you could access from

your phone, from a tablet, from your computer,

from basically any device at all that lets the whole family really

work as a team and lets you have a place to put all that

information. Yeah. Yeah. So I started

playing with it myself today, and I, you know, I, my kids

are in college. And so I, they, I don't know. I get

I could have them. I have to do list for them still. Like, so and

so needs to make a dentist appointment for June when they're home and those kinds

of things. And it's, it can be hard. I have a few thoughts.

One, I have a kid who has pretty severe ADHD. He talked about a lot

on the pod. And he has now he's 20.

He's learned to use a certain app called Todoist. It's the app that

he uses. And so it really is helpful for him personally because

it aligns with his calendar, and he can put something

in a calendar and it creates a to do. And so then when

he's in his to do list, it, you know, is is connected, and it

it's amazing for him. And I'm thinking of

of Jam of, like, how helpful that could be for somebody who

does have ADHD, who you're teaching

as a young teen or, you know, maybe late middle

school, how how important it

is to check the thing. Like, go put everything in one place,

and then it gives you notifications, and you kind of build a relationship. We all

build a relationship with our calendar or our to do list. And

that's how we live, whether it's managed well or not. We

all have those things. So I think it's so cool that kids can

start to obviously, you're still gonna be the net

underneath Right. As the parents, you are. But Right. I don't

know. I don't wanna create hyper productivity, young adults. Like, I don't

but it's just like a habit of, like, hey. Have you checked your whiteboard? Have

you checked your Jamboard? Have you you know, it's kind of like I just think

that could help families who are especially if there's any executive functioning

app. You know. A % agree. And

I think it's really more about, like, empowering responsibility in our

kids and them having a little more ownership over,

like, what their day looks like and how they might need to plan

accordingly so that everything can

happen. To use that example again, they have soccer practice, so

there are things that go with soccer practice. You have to, you know,

pack a bag. You need to fill a water bottle. So starting to learn between

that relationship of events and to dos, like you were saying. And that was one

of the reasons we created Jam. We're like, it can't be a calendar. It has

to be a whole system that works together. That is how it's organized. Like, if

you have an event, it you could put your to dos attached to it.

And that's really it that's a really nice feature of it.

Yeah. And then, you know, it's little check boxes, and it's kind of

contained to the thing, the to the event itself. Exactly.

Because I think that's, like, the one piece where everyone in the family might

know that there's a recital on Friday. But in the past,

maybe only mom knew all the things that meant that had to get done

beforehand. Someone needs new shoes, and we gotta get flowers, and we gotta email the

family to tell them about the ticket. You know? So all of these

things in our lives, they do acquire, you know, some some

forethought and, things that you need to do ahead of time. And

so I think it's great to instill, you know, a little bit of

responsibility and good habits in kids because, obviously,

we know that's gonna be something that they're gonna have to do for the rest

of their lives as well, where, like you said, the parent is the net, but

also, you know, they feel so good at kind of knowing what they have and

being able to be responsible for it as well too. Yeah. It is it is

a good feeling when you're even seven or eight and you know you're

supposed to have your shin guards and your water bottle and, you know,

your ball, and then you're ready. It

feels good. Like kids like that. That's a really great little

dopamine thing. That's not their tablet. Right.

That's exactly right. Yeah. Then I was also thinking when you're sharing

about the concept of fair play, and

Eve Rodsky's work around, you know, creating dis you

distributing responsibility a little more evenly in families

and how that is an amazing concept

for sure. But it in practice, it can be

really challenging. If my partner say he takes over the whole

category of medical care, then

I am still gonna participate in some of it. Or he

I I take over the category finances, but I still need him to

participate in in that category. This kinda can create

a way that everybody is aware of what

it it needs to be done. And I think about that question that women get

of, like, you know, like you said about your partner. It's like, how can I

help? How can I help? And we're just so, like, oh my god. How do

you not know what I need? Are you kidding me?

Yes. Like, you should just can't you can't you tell? Look

around. Right. Like Like, why do I know and you don't know?

So, like Yes. And it's because we're carrying, right, the whole

category of sports or whatever. We have that. So

breaking that down and and that kind of thing. But it can be

helpful to say, can you look at Jam?

Yes. Like, this is what I need you to do. And that way, you don't

have you've already thought about it, and communicating it a second, third, fourth time

is so irritating. Yes. So it's really

interesting because we talked to a lot of husbands, male

partners as we were creating Jam two, and I think there's this

misconception that the men don't want this, or they're happy

with how things are going right now. They're not happy either.

They also feel like, you know, in a lot of situations, like,

a, they kind of can't win or they don't have all the information, and

so they're kind of operating, like, a little bit blindly sometimes.

We've heard so many stories about, you know, sometimes people don't even know when they

can schedule a meeting and they've, you know, back and forth calling five times. It's

so inefficient, to be honest. So the guys

also tend to like it because it's just getting

everybody on the system together, and so everybody

is more aware. And then to your point, it's very easy

to see when you're sharing a to do list. Oh, one person's got, like, 10

things assigned to them, and I've got one thing assigned to me. So maybe we

might need to redidvy this up a little bit,

or it's not really gonna be fair moving forward, or it's just gonna be really

challenging. And I think kind of even going back to your your Fair

Play, on that which we love Fair Play.

But, yes, even if you really divvy it up and one person is

kinda owning medical or one person is owning, you know, enrichment,

we all know how everyday life is, and we're constantly kind of

subbing in for each other. So where does all that information live? I hope

it's not in a mile long text chain or that you'll have to call someone

or that when you go out of town, you're leaving a 10 page, you know,

informational packet for your partner, which I know we've all

done before. And so, you know, trying to

find a way that just feels a lot easier. And I think to that point

too, you know, we also didn't want, again, more

pressure on mom to be putting the one putting everything in Jam.

That's also time consuming. Right? So we created things where

you can just forward emails, like the whole school calendar, the whole

school email. Say more about that? Because I I don't I tried to play with

that feature, but I don't have I my kids are not in school anymore, which

is amazing. I don't get they're in school, but I don't get any

information. I do not have school emails. This is my first year as an

empty nester. And dear lord, it my life is so much more

simple without Yes. So much stuff coming at

me from school, primarily. Right. Yeah. So how does

that work? Tell me. So, basically, any email that you

can get, you got it can be a school newsletter. It can be, like,

you know, a 10 paragraph email from the dance teacher

with lots of important information buried in there about rehearsals

and, you know, a recital or it could be those camp emails that we all

get with every day what's happening. You just forward

it to Jam. You literally forward it to the software. It's it takes one

second forward click, and then we get it all on the

calendar for you for the right people, right time. If there's

information in there about what you might need to do ahead of time or what

you need to bring with you, that gets in there as well, location,

extra notes, everything. So literally at the beginning of this

year with three kids' calendars, I was able to forward

all three. It within seconds, every event

for the entire school year was just loaded into our jam

calendar. I'm smiling so big. And since this is podcast, you can't tell. I'm

just, like, gleeful for any person who has

children in school. And, like, to imagine getting something and I

noticed on I think it was in your Instagram, like, the meal hot

meal calendar. Wow. You just referred that to gym, and it was

like, you knew what was for each day is already on your

calendar. Unbelievable. I mean Yes. Jessica, that is,

those small details that you guys have considered are

game changers because sure, I can get a calendar app. I

can, you know, get a to do list. But to be able

to have it auto inputted on, like,

from, you know, whatever From the source. Magic wizard you have

behind the curtain there Yeah. Is amazing. Yes.

No. For sure. It's I think being that Amanda and I are both

moms, we were like, what are the pain points of moms? We've also

seen so many times where mom is the chief calendar keeper,

And if that in itself is a lot of stress, and then you have someone

in the family going, you never put it on the calendar. And as we

know, poor mom is getting 50 things a day that she's supposed to be putting

in the calendar. So, of course, it just leads to more

chaos down the road. So to be Yeah. Days off, minimum

days. The minimum days off the list. We start late

now. I mean, the whole list goes on of just the kind of

variances to the schedule. And let's be honest too. The way that

we work has changed in the last five years since COVID. And so maybe

you're remote some days, but you're in office some days, but you travel some days.

You can do a pickup on a Tuesday, but not next week. So we're all

kind of not quite as, like, as in the olden days, a

nine to five and, you know, one practice a week and everything on

paper. It's it has been a lot more complex, and keeping track of

that in just your brain is a recipe to feel like a

failure for sure. Yeah. Oh, it's so good. I don't know if

you're familiar with the app TripIt. Yes. Yes. So

TripIt is this app that helps you organize a trip.

And it is this reminds me a lot about TripIt, and

TripIt has been a game changer for my family. We travel a lot. And I

found it so irritating on a trip. Like, what are we doing today?

Where are we going next? What time is our reservation? Yeah. What's our flight? What's

our booking number? And I just it's like going

crazy with all that information. I'm ordering an Uber. I'm checking the

reservation. I'm I'm telling somebody what time check-in

is at this hotel. Right. All on my phone. And,

like, I had young adults and a husband. They all have phones. I'm

like, why is it just me? And they started to say, it's on TripIt. It's

on TripIt. It's on TripIt. And they could go and check. That's right. And

that has been Exactly. Amazing. Just this one thing

on trips. And I think what you've done with Jam

is you've basically made something similar, but for your

entire family management. It's unbelievable.

Thank you. That's right. Yes. Every kind of aspect of that

everyday life, you just be able to kind of get it to a place

where everyone can see without you having to do all of that work. Yeah. And

that's similar to Tripit. You just forward plans at, and then it auto

populates into the itinerary. And I just think if you

had a life itinerary, you get information in one area

and you forward it to the software and then it

populates it. That is huge. And then the to do

list, really easy to assign. So if I I love

assigning to do's is my favorite thing. Yeah. And assigning to do's

all day long. And I also love it because, you know, I can do do

a due date, but Jam sends reminders. So I don't have to

be a nag. The Jam app itself is being the nag. So

they're like, did you do this? It's due later today.

And so it's just helpful also just even with thing you know, events that pop

up on the calendar that I know Jam is reminding everybody, and I used

to be that person reminding everybody. It's amazing. Just to,

like, take something so complex

as modern family life and put it

together on an app. I just to commend you guys, I'm

so, like, tickled that it exists and that we can share it with the

ComMama audience. And yeah. I'm really, really

glad. So how do people get it?

And what's the story? Obviously, it's pretty easy because in the app, but just tell

us. Yes. So Jam is available on the

App Store, on the Google Play Store, or you can just go

to our website jamfamilycalendar.com, and you

can get it online. You can also have links to the App Store

and Android store there as well. And then you can

find us too on Instagram. And so a lot of times when people have

questions maybe before they even wanna download the app, we're on there at

jamfamilycalendardot, at jamfamilycalendar. So,

that's another great way to just learn more about what we're doing.

Yeah. And when I went to go into this Apple store

to get it, I put in Jam, and it was like a bunch of,

games on crash jam and stuff like that. So then I had to go jam

calendar, and then it came up automatically. Yes. So

probably type in jam calendar, and then it'll That's right. Be easier

to populate. That's accurate. Those are, like, videos are crashing or

traffic jams or something. Traffic jams. Right. These are jams. No. It's

the jam family calendar, jam calendar. Any of those will work to

find it. Yeah. And then it's, it's $10 a month

if you don't buy for the year, or it's $80, I think you

said, on there? So yes. So it's $10 a

month, but we are offering a 20%

off. So, it does end up being $8 a

month, and that's for the

entire year. Mhmm. Let's see. And then we do have monthly

as well. And some people wanna start with monthly, but I think the

greatest thing is that no matter what, everybody gets a month free trial.

So you can download it. There's no strings attached. There's no that

you'll have to, you know, buy it if you don't like it. We want you

guys to try it and see if it makes a difference in your life,

before you subscribe. Yeah. And I did it, and I

was able to put in my calendar from I use

iCal. So that went right in. Yeah. And then it

was there, and then I started to, like I have an event on Saturday that

I'm hosting, so I started to kinda, like, put in my list and I

I was like, oh, I I might use this for myself. I was, you know,

even if I don't get into it with my family, I was like, this would

be helpful because I do have to do lists

everywhere, calendar everywhere, notebooks everywhere. I just feel a little bit scattered, and I

do the email thing to myself. And so you could try it

out just on your own. I would I would recommend, like, just to

see how it feels for you before you even get into the assigning. And

it just kind of, you could take it slow and, like, enjoy the process a

little bit and not feel like, oh, I'm gonna solve my entire home

management issue now. Absolutely. And I think what

you just described is kind of a pattern that we see with a lot of

people, and and I think it makes sense. They get Jam.

They kinda get the lay of the land. They see how they like using

it, and then they, you know, kind of clue the rest of their family and

their partner or their kids, once they've kind of,

you know, see how they like to use it and gotten a few things set

up in there. And we always liken it to you know, back in the olden

days that we used to you know, at the beginning of the school year or

the year, you get that, like, fresh paper planner, and you'd

have the new pens, and you'd write all the things in it. And

that's what we kind of wanted to make the Jam onboarding

process like. Like, here is a tiny new

system. Take your time. Make the list. Pick the

colors you want, and which is what we

have there. You can pick a color for your calendar for each list, and

just make it the way that you want it to look and see every day

and the way that you, you know, want to use it. Yeah. It's really

great. And I think if anyone is thinking like, what? I don't wanna buy an

app. I know I felt this way in my life before. Anything

any app worth its salt is probably gonna you're gonna have to pay some money

for it. And I just, like, noticed

the recipe manager I use is paprika, and I've used it forever. And the first

time I ever bought it, I was like, what? I have to pay. I don't

know. I was like annoyed. And then Yes. Of but I go buy

a book. I buy a paper calendar. I buy all of these different

things that are resources, organizers, and file

folders, and all the things. And here, I'm like,

what? No. It's worth it to sit. If you're gonna

use some try it out. If you're gonna use it, get it.

Buy it. It's worth it. Because even, like, my son with his to do list

app, it's $50 a year or something. And he's

he's like, no. I need this. And it's like, well, I would have bought

a Franklin Covey calendar years ago for the same price

ish or whatever. Right. Right. I think we have to normalize

that, you know, if you're buying a calendar, it's you're gonna be buying a

calendar. Yeah. Right. I think it's a really good point. Paper, you would never

expect someone to give it to you for free. You know you

have to buy it. I think too another thing, and this is why we're,

like, so happy to offer free trial, is I think a lot of families realize

very quickly that they're saving a lot of, like, time and energy with

it. Yes. And so they're like, oh my gosh. I can't live

without forwarding everything and just getting it on the calendar without having to do

it. Like, that that time is so worth $8

for a whole month of, you know Right. How much do you spend

at, to, like air box. Yeah. Forgetting something and having

to run by Target to pick it up because you forgot.

And you're like, well, that was $30, and then you gotta return the other one,

blah blah blah. All of that is so annoying. So if we can save some

money Exactly. I know. We always say that too than

the shopping list. Like, someone knowing what to buy or not double buying. All

those things end up jam paying for itself at the end of the day. But

I really do feel like the time is the one that we're all

looking for as our most valuable resource. And so, you know, if

there's a way to get a few minutes back, you know, every day, we

take it. Yeah. Totally worth it. Well, thanks for being on

here. Oh, and I wanted to say, I also have a Sawyer. You have a

son named Sawyer. Oh my gosh. My middle one. Yes. Yeah.

My younger one, Sawyer. Yeah. We I know. So I wanted to say that because

that was sweet. But thank you. It's so nice to meet you and have you

on the podcast. What a pleasure. Likewise. Likewise. Thank

you so much for having me.