Sometimes anxiety stems from a learned behavior or even from a lack of knowledge. In Episode 7, Part 2 of 2 of Finding Your Balance: A Mental Health Podcast, Kirk and Tiffani share how anxieties and phobias are conditions we can overcome with the proper tools, resources, and education. 

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Thank you for joining us today for part two of our two -part series on a deeper

looking anxiety. One of the things that you talk about a lot which is called social

referencing. Yes, so again we're looking to other people to see how do we fall on

that quote -unquote normal scale you know. So if we look at you and say okay this

behavior okay Am I a little too far off, if I'm way off, then I don't want to

correct myself. Sometimes it's done on a very conscious level, sometimes it's not.

It's just, hey, we look around and everybody's doing this. We said this as kids.

The Joneses have this. Why can't we have this, mom? Yeah. Dad, why can't I get

this? Because, you know, Johnny has that down the street, well, yeah, we compare and

contrast based on what other people are doing. Again, social media can be a good

and bad thing. This can sometimes be a bad thing in these situations because we got

a frame of reference that is just a sliver of somebody's life that we're looking at

possibly their best moment. Sometimes it's an embarrassing moment,

but we're comparing that, oh, look, see, they got that. can I have that?

Right. Gotta work towards it. It doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't, yeah. And

understanding that what is that baseline of where it becomes, you know, from helpful

where, like, you know, there is that self-awareness where you want to be appropriate

in public, you want to be appropriate in a conversation, you don't want to, you

know, monopolize the conversation. So there are social norms that are helpful Helpful

to you know, you know conform to but then when does that anxiety move from being

helpful to harmful? And you don't know what you don't know right exactly so moving

on into the next category We have social or phobia related disorders now phobia is

an intense fear or an aversion to a specific thought a Specific situation a specific

thing It's very common to have phobias of snakes or phobias of an animal or a

situation. A lot of people have, you know, fear of heights or fear of,

you know, small places. Some people even have fear, you know, leaving their home.

And so the underlying issue, again, with anxiety, you know, it's fear. And so when

we think about a phobia-related disorder, what would you say Maybe it's different

about phobic disorders versus generalized anxiety and social anxiety. So with phobias,

it is related to a specific thing, typically, that excessive worry and fear around a

specific object or specific situation. So you mentioned public speaking. There's that

social fear of Being in front of people and talking in an open forum,

the fear of crowds, you know, which is a little bit more in the realm of

agrophobia, which we'll get into more specifically here in a minute, but it's intense

upon coming toward that object or being near that object, elevators,

some people are afraid of small spaces, claustrophobia. So elevators might be a

tricky one for them because we're talking a very small space where sometimes a lot

of people get in there.

I personally get a little nervous around elevators so I particularly choose stairs if

I have the capability of it. But having been in New York City many There are some

buildings that stairs just are not realistic. So you get yourself in an elevator and

do your best there. There's fear of heights. People have fear of being on a ladder,

being on bridges or crossing bridges even.

Some of that has to do with our instinct to survive. Some of that has to do with

probably a negative connotation. Sometimes it's irrational.

And when you get into those situations, the feelings hit you suddenly. When you're

away from it and you can sometimes talk about it, it's not so much a big deal.

Well, and it's hard because there is that element of like, why do we experience

fear? Remember, our body is very smart. It's a survival skill, it's a defense

mechanism. You need to stay alive, you need to stay safe. And so some of these

fears are rooted, I think, in wisdom. So I'm not gonna go and pick up a

rattlesnake, like that's not wise. And I think there's that healthy fear, and even

with weather, there's a healthy fear associated with understanding hurricanes,

understanding nature, but when that fear becomes excessive to the point of it's no

longer keeping you you know safe in a helpful way now it's creating a harmful

debilitating like element to your day -to -day functioning so you know an example

might be someone who has that fear of snakes right but to an excessive proportion

to where unless there's a sidewalk, they will not walk on grass because there might

be a snake there. Or they won't walk on a trail because there might be a snake.

And I've heard stories of folks who, they really struggle and it's a real fear.

It's real where they've missed out on birthdays or graduations or picnics or

wonderful Operative moments because there wasn't that sidewalk because just the risk

of a snake possibly being in there It was too much right and when you think of it

that way How lonely and how sad and how debilitating Might it be for someone who

desperately wants that connection desperately wants to be at all those places But that

fear is holding them captive, right exactly exactly and And it's, you know, with

phobias, you know, there's different types of approaches, there's cognitive behavioral

approach where you tackle the thought process going along with the behaviors and

actions somebody displays, and you tackle the irrational thoughts that may be there,

because sometimes the fear is rooted not so much out of an experience, about what

they've heard or what they've been told.

And you mentioned phobias around weather and stuff like this. Lots of times it's

education that helps. We have anxiety because we don't understand. And so we

encourage people to learn more about that. Sort of an aversion kind of therapy.

You expose yourself to it a little bit more.

exposure therapy, you know, have it in front of you and kind of slowly get closer

to it or learning something about it, educating yourself around it. You know, a lot

of times hurricanes, a good frame of reference, people don't understand hurricanes and

they come through and it's more powerful than folks who've never experienced it

realize. But it's, we do an educational process. We start talking about it.

Oh my god, we're coming up soon on hurricane season. May. We start talking in May

about what to do, what to prepare. From a psychological standpoint,

it's to help reduce some of the anxiety, the fear, the phobia that comes from not

knowing. And so we talk about it, we put it out there, people prepare. Now the

control that we have in these situations is whether or not we choose to listen to

that information, one. Second of all, the other bit of control is how we prepare or

not for these situations. - Well, and you just mentioned aversion therapy.

Sometimes we use what we call exposure therapy. And the purpose of this is really

to desensitize yourself from the stimuli, right? So for what is causing the anxiety.

So a good example might be the cold shower example. So if you turn on your shower

and it's cold water, no warm water, what's going to happen if you just jump in

that cold water? You're going to have a shock. You're going to say, "Oh, this is

cold," and it's going to feel painful because you're not used to that situation. And

I think even the apprehension of, "Gosh, this is not going to be comfortable,"

heightens the experience because you're expecting it to be bad and then you have the

shock of really really cold water on your body but if you turn on that same cold

water and you put your hand in it and you let your hand experience at that cold

water it's still cold it's still gonna be uncomfortable but you tell yourself huh

it's cold but I'm okay and you let your hand get you know, familiar with the

temperature, and then you put in your arm, and then you put in the rest of your

body, and little by little you're saying, "Yes, it is cold, but I'm okay, and I'm

safe, and I'm surviving, and I'm getting acclimated to this change in environment,

and I'm okay." And I think it's that same concept of that, you know,

aversion therapy, you know, the exposure therapy of allowing yourself, in a safe way,

to experience the discomfort of the stimuli, whatever is causing that anxiety, and

the whole time, little by little, you're experiencing it, but you're okay. Right. And

I think that reminder of, "I can do hard things," as long as it is truly in a

situation to where, like, you are safe, right? You know, we wouldn't want to go

pick up that rattlesnake. Exactly. But I think understanding, for non -life -threatening

situations, there is a way to overcome anxiety. Now, I wanna just for a minute go

back and talk about risk factors. So when we think about anxiety disorders, you

know, we've talked about several, there are some risk factors associated as well as

protective factors. So when I think about risk factors, the two main ones that come

to mind for me, it's two categories. You have a genetic risk factor and you have

an environmental risk factor, right? And so there is this level of, we have seen

through the sciences that anxiety can be passed down sometimes in families,

but what I see a lot of times is, you know, what is normal to you is what is

familiar to you. If you're constantly in an environment where there's high levels of

stress, if you're constantly in an environment where there's high levels of anxiety

and that is your norm and you're looking at the figures around you and maybe

they're not practicing healthy coping skills, how would you know to practice healthy

coping skills, you know? Would you say also that you've seen these environmental

factors with the people that you've served? Yeah absolutely and there's also things

that can contribute to it. Things that we enjoy. I'm going to pick on my favorite

poison here, and that's, you know, coffee. You know, caffeine can exacerbate that.

Sometimes certain medications that you take can make the symptoms worse for anxiety

or make you feel more anxious.

And heart conditions or even thyroid conditions, things like that, some physical

ailments can contribute to heighten the levels of anxiety. But you're right,

there's an element of exposure within the family, what you're used to. If you don't

know any different, again, I go back to that frame of reference.

That's a frame of reference you have. I know when I do talks on disaster behavioral

health and reducing some anxiety in those situations for kids in particular, young

children, they look to the adults in the room. And if you've got a room full of

anxious adults, your children are going to be anxious. If you can learn to kind of

regulate and calm yourself down a little bit, it's going to help the children who

are watching you as the adult, because they don't have a, again, they don't have

the language and they, they're not really sure how to respond. They're going to copy

the adults in the room. So if you emulate a calm presence, they're going to try to

remain calm. They'll still be anxious, but they'll feel like, okay, it's not so bad

because mom and dad or the other adults in the room are doing okay. They're not

panicking. They're not panicking. So I don't have to panic. Exactly. So this is a

case where sometimes it runs in families because, Like you said, you go by what you

learn. And if you've got somebody who has not coped well with anxious situations,

excuse me, you're going to learn from that experience and emulate that.

- Well, and one thing, so working with children, you know, we always like to have

these catchphrases, right, that are easy to remember. And so whenever we're dealing

with anxiety, you know, protective factors. What are they? Having a support system,

having a safety plan, you know, when you're having a hard day, knowing in advance

who is that person that you can call? What are your resources? But there's a lot

of things that you can do on your own. So working with kids, we have the 5 -4 -3

-2 -1 method, right, which sounds like a lot to say, but when you break it down,

we're trying to find ways to anchor you to ground you. So when we think about the

five four three two one, we're thinking about five things that you can see, four

things that you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and

one thing you can taste. And so which is a lot, you know, you don't have to do

all of it, but what are we doing here? We're taking your energy and your focus

away from what is causing discomfort, and we're redirecting it to something tangible,

something that is going to connect with your senses. So in a way,

I'm redirecting that energy and grounding myself and reminding myself,

"I'm safe. I'm okay." And it sounds like, well,

those are a lot of steps. An easy way is just get up from wherever you are and

take a walk. Get up from wherever you are, change your position, there's something

about moving your body, about that bilateral stimulation of just resetting.

And so I think for me especially if I'm feeling a little overwhelmed or if I'm

feeling like frazzled, I'll get up, I'll go have a snack or I will you know walk

downstairs or even something as simple and we've talked about this So if I have

this overwhelming sense of how am I ever going to get this done? There's too many

things to do because it's a fact. There are too many things to do. There's a lot

of things to do in a day, right? I'll take a piece of paper and I'll write down

a list and then I'll have a tangible way to anchor my thoughts and start knocking

down that list and scratching things off once I've completed them. And so I think

for our listeners, If you're experiencing anxiety, there are quick things that you

can do on your own like these grounding techniques, like getting up and taking a

walk, calling a friend, but there's also more support,

depending on what level of support you need to feel safe, you need to feel better,

because what is the goal? We want you to feel better. We want you to feel healthy

and safe, and so always, if you're local to our area, Peace River Center is a

community mental health agency. We'd love to talk to you, love to find ways that we

can support you. If you're outside of our service area, there are national supports.

Kirk, could you remind us of those numbers, please? - Sure, sure. For those that are

here local with us, we have our Peace River Center crisis line number. That is 863

-519 -3744. And for the national level,

you can hit two major numbers. One is 988. In those situations are for,

you know, very severe kinds of situations, the suicidal thoughts,

overwhelming irrational thought processes. And then there's also 211.

211 is more of a resource, a resource guide, I mean, to tap you into what's

available in your area. and support groups. Again, I encourage people to look up

some local support groups to see what might be available because sometimes being

around somebody else who's having a similar experience to what you're going through

and sharing what they've tapped into as far as resources, what they've tapped to as

far as coping mechanisms, what works for them, may work for you too,

maybe not, but you're trying to find more adaptive ways. - And you're moving forward.

- You're moving forward, exactly. And that's the important part, is being able to

move forward and get into that live life well. So I wanna thank you for joining us

today, and see you again soon.

If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety issues. You can reach us

locally here in Central Florida at 863 -519 -3744 or on a national level you can

dial 988. Thank you for joining us.