In this episode of Now That I’m Engaged, How Do I Get Married?, Kevin Dennis and August Yocher sit down with Tanya Pushkine to break down one of the most overlooked parts of wedding planning: the ceremony.

While many couples focus on the reception, Tanya shares why the ceremony is actually the emotional foundation of the entire day and often the moment guests remember most. She unpacks common misconceptions, including the tendency to rush through the ceremony or treat it as a formality, and offers practical guidance on how to approach it with more intention.

The conversation also covers when to start planning, how to write meaningful vows, and how to navigate public speaking nerves. You’ll also hear insights on choosing between a professional officiant or a friend or family member, and how to create a ceremony that truly reflects your relationship. If you want your wedding to feel more personal, memorable, and true to you, this episode will help you approach your ceremony with more confidence.

Tanya Pushkine is the founder of The Vow Whisperer, where she creates personalized wedding ceremonies and helps couples write and deliver their vows with confidence. Before entering the wedding industry, Tanya had a career in acting, studying at The Juilliard School and performing on Broadway before transitioning into the corporate world, where she held leadership roles with major brands like LVMH, Sephora, and L’Oréal.

After her own wedding, Tanya was inspired to combine her background in storytelling, performance, and communication to create a new niche in the wedding industry. Today, she works with couples around the world to craft meaningful ceremony experiences, officiates weddings, and coaches friends and family members to lead ceremonies and speeches with confidence. Based in New York City, Tanya works internationally and in multiple languages.

Highlights:

• Why the ceremony is often the most overlooked part of the wedding day

• How your ceremony shapes guest experience and lasting memories

• Common mistakes couples make when planning their ceremony

• When to start planning your ceremony and writing your vows

• Tips for writing meaningful vows and managing public speaking nerves

• The pros and cons of having a professional officiant vs. a friend or family member

Connect with Tanya:

Website

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Connect with Kevin & August:

Website

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LinkedIn

All right, folks, welcome to another episode of Now That I'm Engaged, How Do I Get Married? We're here with Tanya Pushkine. So she's going to be talking today about how to make your ceremony a priority. But before we jump into the topic, Tanya, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and how we got you here today?

you

Sure, and thank you again for having me. ⁓ I started this little niche business about six years ago after my own second wedding. And I had no idea, I didn't know what I was doing for the ceremony. My daughter officiated and she and I sort of wrote the ceremony. I was in a completely different industry. i was in the corporate world, big lucrative, fancy, glamorous, jet setting career I had.

Of course.

And I got married a second time and then I threw it all away and I went, you know, I belong in the wedding industry like a lot of planners do actually when they plan their own wedding and then they become wedding planners. But I got into this because it was covered by, my wedding was covered by the New York Times and the writer was at the wedding. And she and the photographer were there and she came up to me after the ceremony and she said,

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

I know you have this great fancy career, but this ceremony was one of the best ones I've ever, ever covered in my career. And she said, you need to do something with us. And that's how I launched my business. I, and I did it in, a way that I would not recommend. I quit this job and I launched this business without a business plan, without a strategy, just a crazy idea. And it, no, exactly. Thanks.

well, that's a good compliment. That's a good compliment.

Wow.

We won't tell anyone.

all you people out there. So that's how I got into it, basically.

Wow, and what a high compliment, like a writer from New York Times saying like, girl you got a knack for this, this is where you're supposed to be.

Yes, exactly.

And I had lunch with a guest at the wedding about a week later. And I said, what do you think if I, you know, help couples with their vows? And maybe, I don't know. I had no idea what I was talking about. And he said, oh my God, you're the vow whisperer. And that was it.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's amazing.

⁓ the

name, yes!

And I'm surprised the name wasn't taken, to be honest with you, because it's such a good name. really is. Yeah, it really is.

Yeah, it's a good name and I

Yeah.

credit my friend. It was wonderful. I went home, got an URL and that was it. Yeah.

Yeah. Rest is history.

Yeah.

All

right. All right. So Tanya, we're going to dive in here. So couples often spend more time planning the party than the ceremony. Why does the ceremony get overlooked so easily?

Hmm.

Well, first of all, I will say that when a couple makes it a priority, that changes everything. And I love when those people come to me. But when they say to me, you know what, we need you, but you we want a 10 minute ceremony and then we just want to get to the party. And that's when I go, hold on a second. This is the reason everyone is coming. It's the reason. You can't give them a 10 minute

Mm-hmm.

You

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

whatever, it's got to be the most amazing 20, 25 minutes. It's got to blow everyone away. That ceremony is the first touch point that guests have. It's the first experience, let's say, that they have. When they walk in, they're walking into a venue, it's the ceremony. If that is not an incredible moment, then everything kind of falls flat.

Mm-hmm.

including your party because guests will have just had a ⁓ experience not a good way to go you know and it's also for you couples it's the beginning of your marriage it's not it's the beginning of the it's you know what happens prior to the party but it's the beginning of your marriage needs to be such a memorable memorable experience for everyone

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

It's always horrible when I hear the couples go, I just want a five minute ceremony. We just want to get to the party and it means nothing. on the flip side is when I'm working a wedding and I, you you know the couples to a point, but not like really, you know, I don't know them on a friend level or any of that kind of stuff. But if I cry or if I'm laughing during the ceremony, I'm like, all right, that was a good wedding. You know, that was a good ceremony. So.

Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, exactly.

And imagine how much

better it is for the people that do know them in an intimate way. Like that really means a lot. No, but I absolutely agree. And it's kind of sad almost, you know? Like why are we skipping the ceremony? And as a guest, you know, I do enjoy that part. Like I had a friend get married a year and a half ago and their vows to each other were so sweet. And I don't know, it's just kind of like a little window into their relationship as a couple too. So I think.

Yeah, exactly.

Right.

Exactly.

What you're doing

is great, like being able to bring that out of them. And I do feel, Tanya, you have a very calm demeanor, and I feel like that's probably very helpful for couples to get comfortable with you and feel like they can say what they need to say and have you help them, yeah, just bring that out.

told.

You

And I think, you know, when a couple and I will say so many couples do think it's a priority and that's absolutely wonderful. ⁓ And in fact, more and more, which is a gift. It's lovely that people, you know, when they reach out to me, one of the first vendors, I'm like, yes, that's how you should be thinking. Not three weeks before. Where oops, we forgot, we need to deal with, you know, it's, yeah.

Yes, I agree.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Thank you, August, because the calmness is, mean, it's not something I work on, it's who I am, but it is, when I show up at a wedding, when I'm actually officiating, I'm told all the time, thank you for just grounding us to, just centering us in this moment. And, you know, very often I'll get to a venue and the family has already, they know about me and I actually do not,

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Unlike what you just said, I do know the couple pretty well when I show up. I'm family. And, you know, I've gotten to know them really well in crafting their ceremony with them, which I do collaboratively, and working with them on their vows if they're doing that, which is a very intimate experience. I work one-on-one with each of them because I think it needs to be top secret. yes, not together. Yes, yes, yes, gotta be top secret.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

And I get to know them so well that, you know, some, joke that, you know, I know you better than your therapist does because very often it is. ⁓ So it's, it's about creating that experience. And I, I call myself now the language I use is I'm the architect of that entire experience. And I don't just sell the services individually.

Yeah.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not just

your officiant. I'm not just your vow coach. I work with a planner to make sure that the entire ceremony experience is kick-ass. Sorry. Yeah.

Yeah, no, you could.

No,

I love kick-ass. That's great. ⁓ Why do you think the ceremony is the emotional foundation for the entire wedding day?

Well, it's the words that are being spoken. ⁓ Nowhere else other than a speech, which usually goes south, know, the speeches, Dennis, you know this. Speeches are not something that people look forward to because typically, you know, people just go on and on and on. It's like, it's a killjoy.

Mm-hmm.

No, no.

Mm-hmm.

Well,

they're either really amazing or they're really horrible and there's not much in between, you know? Yeah.

Right.

And we always like

from a planner perspective, always try to communicate to couples like keep it around two to three minutes, like tell your maid of honor, your best man, two to three minutes and everyone. The speeches and I feel they're more for the person giving the speech than the actual couple. And that might be a hot take. Sorry, guys. But it's just like it's everyone else there. And I only say that because it's like if I'm a maid of honor giving a speech to my friend getting married, like it's about our relationship.

Exactly. Exactly.

Mm-hmm.

just the two of us. It doesn't really feel like it's for everybody else, you know? So I don't know. It's interesting.

Right.

But back to the emotional part, it's really the only time that words are spoken. So those words have got to be so meaningful, impactful, and I don't like the word of the moment now because everyone's using it intentional. But it is about creating through the use of words and language. And I...

Mm-hmm.

take a lot of time and take great pride in crafting that ceremony. It has to reflect who these people are, the couple. It has to, my goal is always for guests to walk away, whether I've officiated, whether I've coached, which I do more than anything else is coaching the family members and friends who officiate, which are not always the best decision, but that's what a couple wants. And so I will coach them. But

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Regardless of what the scenario is, the goal is for guests to walk away saying, ⁓ my God, that was so them. That was who they were, know, who they are as individuals and as a couple. It's got to reflect their personalities, their values, their philosophies, their beliefs, how they think about marriage, love, relationship. And it's reflected in the readings and poems they choose, all of that.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

There's a lot of work that goes into making this entire, you know, I keep saying experience, but that's what it is. Raw, emotional, ⁓ it's got to hit a spot in that guest's heart. Whether it's, sorry, right.

It is an experience, so yeah.

Yeah.

It's about creating that memory. You've got to have that

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

memory.

Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah, that

memory and that memory, it is what guests will remember the most actually that ceremony, has it taken them somewhere else? Has it transformed them? Has it transplanted them into an a little microcosm of beautiful language and make it a priority? That's, you know, make it a priority.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right, so Tanya, what do couples misunderstand the most about what makes a ceremony feel, I guess, personal and maybe like memorable?

Well, they think that chat GBT can write it.

well that true. Yeah.

Ugh, yeah.

Yeah, I see plenty of those.

And it can, but it

won't be personal or memorable.

No, and I do have more and more couples coming to me saying, we tried. It didn't work. And to think that chatgpt can write a ceremony that's about you. No, vows also. No. And there are some funny but really sad at the same time articles that I've seen about

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. No.

a bride or a groom discovers that when the vows are being delivered, that they're really not, they're not from that person's heart. They're from an AI machine. And I've heard of a bride who walked out, walked out of her wedding. said, yeah, yeah, right.

Ohhhh

Yeah.

Yeah.

hurt.

Wow.

Well, where's the human touch? Like, your human

emotion? Like, it's completely void of that.

Mm-hmm.

Exactly. So I don't know about misunderstanding. I think that very often they just don't see the importance. And when they do see the importance, or if they turn around, if I can turn them around, which hopefully I can, ⁓ then they understand. They understand that this is just, you know, it's what you're going to remember the most of your party, not the first appetizer, not the dance, not that awful uncle speech.

⁓

Hmm

more.

No.

or the dry chicken or any of that stuff.

Right.

Yeah

Exactly. Exactly.

Yeah. Well, and I don't mean to bring up this word. I know you just mentioned like intention, intentionality, but how, how early should couples start thinking intentionally about their ceremony?

It's okay.

Definitely more than three weeks before. I'm getting a lot of these last minute, but then they're not just last minute. I know, but it's not just last minute for a ceremony. I have two planner friends who just did weddings that they were contacted one month before.

Yeah.

Wow, that's so hard. Yeah.

Hmm.

Dress off the rack, last minute venue, pulling it together. They did it. It's absolutely doable, but not recommended. I would say anywhere from three to six months before would be great because I like to work with couples when it's still chill, when they're still relaxed, getting into, even if they have the most incredible, amazing planner, those last few months are stressful. Regardless, they're stressful.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, good point.

Yeah.

So let's tackle this before. Let's start working on it when you're kind of relaxed about everything. Same with your vowels. Don't wait till the last minute.

Mm-hmm.

That's a good point.

Yeah, I feel like after three, you're three months away, that's when things start to get a little hectic. But I think with anything in wedding planning, you're gonna get as much out of it as you put into it. So if you are waiting to the last three weeks, how meaningful and memorable are those vows going to be? Unless, I don't know, you're some crazy, amazing writer. But even then, like you might not be in the right head space. You're so stressed about everything else that are you really thinking about?

Yeah.

No.

like your journey, your relationship, like your everything.

When I work with someone, I'm gonna say someone because it's the person that I'm working with on vowels, I give them about a month to work with the initial questionnaire that I send. And the reason why a month, now of course it's not always a month if there are time constraints, but in that month with a questionnaire, I want them to sit during quiet times. When you can really reflect.

Mm-hmm.

That questionnaire is very thought provoking. It makes you really go back in time. Whether you've been together two years or 12 years, it doesn't matter. But it really has you going back in time to reflect on everything from the moment you met. What was it like when you first locked eyes? What was that moment like? When did you know in your relationship that he or she was the one? What was that moment like?

What was the proposal like? What are some of the obstacles you've worked through to get to be a stronger couple? What qualities do you love so much about this person? Why are you marrying them? You cannot answer that in one fell swoop. You need time. You need time to go back and edit and change and rewrite because you might think of one thing today, you're in your car next week and you think of 7,000 more things you wanna add.

Hmm.

So it's a working document that you just keep coming back to until you feel you've really, you've covered everything. And that's when it comes back to me and that's when the work starts. But you need that time, hopefully you have that time.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

So like, do you think they get intimidated by that process and going through this?

What's intimidating for many people is not necessarily coming up with the language, it's delivering, it's public speaking. ⁓ No, it's the delivery. And people very often come to me, it's interesting because often it's one person in the couple will say, I'm terrified. And the other will say, problem. So then it's...

okay.

Interesting.

See, I would have thought it was the other way around. Interesting.

Hmm

Do you want to do them publicly? Do you want to do them privately? And, you know, I always say, if it's a tortured idea, if this is going to be torture for you, do not do it. Do not do this. I can work with you. I can get you really confident and over your fears. But if it's beyond that point, if, you know, I mean, a beta blocker is great, but if you have to like,

Mm-hmm.

and make you throw up. Yeah, don't do it.

Hmm?

Yeah.

If you've got to have three shots of tequila in order to be able to do your vows, no, don't, no.

Yeah, yeah, you're not in the right same room. I'm I

Mm-hmm.

thought

it was real cute on Sunday my wedding my couple did not want to see each other and so but they also didn't want to do their ⁓ like vows out in front of everyone so the photographer and the videographer created a moment for them where they kind of took them out in this nice little courtyard of the venue and they put the groom back and they took them back to back and they went back to back to each other and they they each they each said their vows

Mm-hmm.

That's cute.

⁓

And then the groom wasn't allowed to turn around. They got the bride out of there. But they never saw each other. And I thought that was a really, I was watching the whole moment. And I was like, this is really cool, actually. Yes. And it came down to ⁓ the bride was a school teacher. And the groom is an engineer and is afraid of public speaking. And so he is like exactly what you just described. Did not want to do it out in front of everyone. Meanwhile, he was a.

Yes!

Mm-hmm.

a big ham during the ceremony. It made me laugh. I'm like, he totally could have pulled it off. He was such a big ham. It was really cute. ⁓ His uncle is a priest from England. And so the uncle came over and it was his favorite uncle. And he was like kind of a quirky older gentleman. I think the uncle really relaxed him when it was all said and done. But yeah. Yeah.

Really?

Aww.

Thanks

That's so cute.

That's lovely. What

a sweet way to do this. And I actually really like the fact that when a couple does not want to see each other, I know when I'm officiating and when the groom first sees the bride, this doesn't happen very often, but once in a while it does. You look at his eyes or her eyes, if it's a bride and a bride or a man and a man, whatever it is, you know, that moment is incredible.

Yeah, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, just the emotion that they go through. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. It's so sweet.

See, and I think it's interesting you mentioned the public speaking. I know that is, I think right now it's the number two fear in adults. I don't know where that's changed. It's still one? Okay, because at one point it went down to two, but guess it's back up to one. But I feel I would be scared of like, okay, I love this person so much. I don't know how I can express that specific love into the right words. Like what if I say the wrong thing? What if I...

Yeah.

One. It's number one.

can't convey in the way that I need to. I feel like I would be more scared of that than actually saying it in front of people.

Well, if someone has obviously not worked with me, they're doing this on their own, great. A lot of people do, don't use chatgpt but give yourself plenty of time. And then the biggest tip I have is to practice. So those words that you've written, I'm sure are beautiful and you have to trust yourself. It's a love letter you're giving to your future spouse.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

It might be difficult to express it, but if you're writing your own vows, practice the hell out of them so that you do feel good about what you're saying, so that you're confident and you're strong about what you're conveying to this other person. If you think it's not good, don't do it or get help

Hmm.

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

Mm-hmm.

there plenty of times I officiate and the couple has not worked with me on vows and I'm actually really amazed. They can be absolutely beautiful without any help.

Yeah.

So what role do you feel the vows play in shaping the tone and just that overall emotional impact on the ceremony, whether that's the couple, the family and friends watching? What kind of role do they play?

I think the vows are probably the most important part of the ceremony. Look, I'm sure that I can do a kick-ass ceremony, but those vows, that's a sliver into their lives, into their raw emotional, you know, the crux of why this person is about to become their future wife, husband, whatever it is. ⁓

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Those vows are three, four minutes of expressing the deepest part of you. And that's what makes a ceremony incredible. Without it, sure, it can be lovely. But the vows really, really do add a lot. And when a couple, sometimes I will suggest, if they say we don't wanna do the public vows,

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Sometimes I suggest, how about just doing your promises in public? Just that. Five or six, seven promises to each other. At least you're giving the guests something. know, little something. Yeah, little nugget.

Yeah.

Mmm.

Yeah, little nugget.

Mm-hmm.

All right, so I have a feeling I kind of know the answer to this, but what's the difference does it make when an officiant truly understands and can tell a couple story at a ceremony?

Great question. you think you know the answer? I want to hear your answer before I...

No, just I just think it may I well, I just

Yeah, I wanna hear a Kevin too!

think

it makes all the difference I mean if you can really stand up in front of someone and really convey their story like there's an officiant we work with that does always a really like kind of nice little recap and does and it really I think that He opens with this like little love their love story and it sucks everyone in and even like and as someone that again Don't don't know them that well. I get

Mm-hmm.

I'm paying attention. I'm not on my phone looking at Instagram or doing whatever. You know, I'm paying attention because I get sucked in. So but I'm just curious from a pro pro what what? Yeah.

Right, right, right.

from a pro-pro, I

think I interview my couples extensively and then we'll write their story. Now, I don't always encourage the story being told because very often the couple will tell the story in their vows. So I don't want to be repetitive, but sometimes there's, are one or two really cute stories I will tell.

Pro Pro.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

I don't want to give away what they're going to say. So it's a balance. I've got to balance it out. If they're not doing vows, I go all out on their story. Then their story becomes, you know, five, six minute ⁓ monologue, basically, which I try to really, you know, I'm a former actress. need to kick ass telling the story and getting everybody in, getting those guests in.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Okay.

Mm-hmm.

I want to create a ceremony where there isn't that fourth wall. There's typically on a stage in theatrical language, there's stage right, stage left, upstage, and then downstage. And downstage is this imaginary fourth wall between the actor and the audience. Here, the officiant and the guests.

Mm-hmm.

Mmm.

You want to bring them in. You want to collapse that wall and make it maybe even immersive. Maybe you're bringing music into the ceremony, whatever it might be.

⁓ Mm-hmm.

music, that would be cool. Yeah.

Yeah,

that's becoming more and more of a trend to have somebody do a song or sing, you know, play an instrument or whatever it is. If music means a lot to a couple, it's got it's back to that word intentional. The ceremony has to reflect who they are. So if music is not part of their lives, don't stick it. Don't stick it in there. You know, do something that makes sense for them.

to that person, yeah.

Hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

⁓ But telling the story can be, I actually did a wedding recently where the bride is a writer and she wrote the story which I told. Why not? You know, she's a better writer than I am. So.

Mm.

wow. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I

gotta say, it doesn't get any better than that for you, right? Yeah, yeah.

Exactly.

No, no. I really like that

concept though of like thinking about the ceremony in like a theatrical way. Like it really is like, yeah, production or performance, like however you put it, but you are kind of putting on a show for the people you invited. So like make sure it's a good one, you know?

It's a production.

You are absolutely. And the

thing is, you know, I think it's 85 % of weddings nowadays are performed by friends or family members. And that, you know, a couple things, the friend will knows them better and it's more personal and it's not always the case. often, you know, I coach these family members and friends.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

No.

I coach them on all the logistics, how to hold a microphone, what does the videographer need, the processional, the sound check, all of this stuff. And I coach them and also how to fill out a marriage license. There is a lot that goes into this. There's so much. And it's not always the best decision, but I understand that's very often what a couple wants. But I did a wedding recently at the New York Public Library.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

so much.

which is an iconic institution. It is extraordinary to hold a wedding there. The entire library is just pure marble. This wedding, the logistics were so complicated, so complicated. I spent a full hour with the wedding planner about a week before the wedding, going through line by line by line, every little

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

possible anything that could happen, will happen, might happen, will not happen. All of this stuff. And then the day of, I kept thinking to myself, a family member or a friend could not have pulled this off. This was down to the note, like watching the bride come down these marble stairs to, with the acoustics, they had 14 strings.

Yeah.

⁓ wow.

with Bach playing like at this volume, everybody had goosebumps. I was like, ⁓ this moment. And I had to say, please rise for the bride at a certain note that the orchestra was playing. It was everything was so orchestrated.

Yeah.

Wow.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

that it was only a professional who could have pulled this off. So think about where you're doing this. Is it a complicated ceremony? Because then I really recommend hiring a pro. Very much so.

Yeah.

⁓

It makes a difference really. It really does.

And I feel like,

yeah, and just, and I get what you mean. Like it is nice sometimes when it is a family member or a friend, but then sometimes I just don't think, like you said, the amount of education needed behind to pull it off. and it's just to tell another story, like there was one time I was coordinating a wedding and, you know, I had prepped the officiant as much as I could beforehand, but he was just a friend of the bride and groom and.

He was so nervous, like could not shake the nerves. Like I tried my best to make him feel better, but like he was like, what if I forget this? What if I do this? What if I do that? And I'm like, it's okay. Like, you know what to do. You know everything you're supposed to do. And one thing I had reminded him of a couple times was make sure when bride and groom are situated at the front that we remind guests to take their seats because sometimes if they don't, everyone will just stand.

Hmm.

I know,

I know.

for the

entirety of the ceremony and lo and behold, he felt so terrible after, but he forgot to tell them to sit down and I had to go sneak in the back and like lightly tap everyone on the shoulders to like indicate them to sit the most like, you know, nonchalant way possible, trying not to get in the way, but he noticed obviously and then afterwards was apologizing. I'm like, it's okay. Like I don't want you to like dwell on it.

Thanks.

Right, right.

ever again, it's done, everything's great, they're married, everything's fine, but it's just one of those things that makes a difference. That's not something that a pro would be too nervous about and or forget because this isn't their first rodeo. They've done this a hundred times before.

Right,

yeah.

That's the one thing

when I'm miking someone for the ceremony and they've never done a wedding before. I'm like, do you have it somewhere in your speech to tell them to sit down? Because it's the one thing I see. I can't tell you how many weddings I've seen where the guests have stood the entire time. Because everyone was afraid to sit down. So yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I know. I know there

are lot of things and also, you know, get out of the photographer's frame for the kiss, please. And for vows as well, get out of the way. I mean, there's so many logistical things and I, you know, I love it when, when I have a really enthusiastic student, let's call them students, you know, and they're so into it and we rehearse and, know, we practice on zoom as many times as they want until they feel really

⁓ yeah. ⁓ yeah.

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm.

really

good with it, you know, but also couples out there don't pick somebody who's not comfortable speaking in public. It's got to be natural.

Yeah. And I've seen it.

It's it's I would say like one out of every 15 weddings that has a family friend, I would say is is good. The person does a great job. They have like a theater background or they speak for work or they're you know, there's something there. Like I just recently had a sister of the groom had a theater background and she was she had a little bit of humor and it was just like, you know, but it was

Right. Right. Yeah. Yes.

Mm-hmm.

Nice.

did a a phenomenal job. know, and but it's like I said, one out of maybe 15, you know, like it and that that number could probably even be higher. So yeah.

Yeah, I know.

Mm-hmm.

You know,

it's back to why do you pick a friend or Uncle Johnny? Because they're close to us. But I can get very close to you as well. You know, I get to know you really, really well. I'm not a stranger anymore. When I show up at the venue, you know, it's hugs and kisses and so happy to see you, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah. It makes a huge difference. all right, before we wrap up, ⁓ you know, if couples take away just one mind shift, you know, about their ceremony, what do you think it should be?

Yeah.

Take the time, take the time and realize, acknowledge that those 20 minutes are going to be transformative for you, for your guests. ⁓ You want to wow people. And so spend the time on it. Hire professional or Uncle Johnny, fine. But then how is Uncle Johnny going to write that ceremony? Hopefully not with chatgpt.

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

I

was going to say probably the internet.

Yep, exactly.

Yeah, don't

take... I feel like too, you'll see it. You'll be on TikTok, Instagram, Reels, and you'll see a video. It's like either a speech or something in the ceremony, and you're like, yep, I've seen that 45 other times in another video. And it's like, just be real. Pick something unique, original.

Heard that? Yeah, heard that saying. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah,

exactly.

I will say

I did have someone that was doing a ceremony and they said, went, you know, I've never done this before. And they actually did a good job, but he opened with, I went to the internet to see what they could help me. And this is all the things that they told me. And I didn't think that was, you know, like, and like kind of like brought a little humor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was, and I was like, well, that was a good way of just, and then got in to know the couple and

Deconstructing it, yeah.

Yeah.

That's cute.

how he knew the couple and it was kind of interesting way. So, but again, one out of 15 and that number could be even higher. So.

Yeah.

Yeah,

and it's also, you know, I hear horror stories from wedding planners. Very often they're asked, like August, you know, I mean, you know, a friend or a family member will ask the couple, I talk to your wedding planner? I need help. What do I write? But, know, and planners, that's not their job. And it's not their job to...

No, no.

No, and I've been asked

that before and I'm like, girl, I don't know. I don't know how to help you. So logistically, sure, like those little things you're saying, like make sure to seat everyone down, make sure they're moved out of the way for the kiss, like remind them where the cocktail hour is when they're leaving. But like when it comes to the language, I would not even know the first place to start.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. I know.

Right, right.

Of course not.

Of course not. It's not your job.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

All right, Tanya, where can couples find you, learn more about your work with ceremonies and vows?

TheVowWhisperer.com or you can DM me TheVowWhisperer, TikTok TheVowWhisperer, everywhere.

Okay.

All right, I love it. So Tanya, can't thank you enough for really breaking down the part that I think the couples forget the most. hopefully, ⁓ our episode today, we're going to make them think twice and really put effort into their ceremony. all right.

Mm-hmm.

I'm so glad

that you were willing to talk about this because it's so important. Yeah. Great.

Of course, I think it is very important. I really do too. all right folks.

Yes, absolutely!

So thank you to Tanya for being here today. We want to remind all our listeners to subscribe, hit that little button right there and help us out. And also don't forget to send your stories or topics you'd like us to cover any questions to podcast@fantasysound.com. So we'll see everyone next time on another episode and now that I'm engaged, how do I get married? We'll see you folks.

You

Bye.