You have deep-seated beliefs that feel like they've always been there. You don't even question them; because, to you, they are "just the way things are". You accepted the reality long ago. In your brain, they are a stone-cold fact. If you're wrong, you could completely change your entire trajectory!

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Transcript

Fact Check: This Misconception You Believe 100% is your worst block

I don’t deserve this.

I am not good enough.

I can’t lose weight.

I am bad at time management.

I am always going to wear this size of jeans.

If I succeed people will judge me.

I don’t do well with technology.

If I apply, they will think I am out of my league.

I am going to be single forever.

I am too shy to be seen as a leader.

I am unlovable. I am not good at taking tests.

I’ll always be seen as a failure.

I could never survive outside of this relationship.

I’ve ruined my life.

I am just a messy person.

As you read through that list, what thoughts came to mind for you? Those are all limiting beliefs. Some of them came from my clients and a few of those limiting beliefs I used to think about myself.

For example: I used to think I was unlovable.

From my abusive high-school boyfriend to a string of relationships that ended (for a multitude of reasons), around the time I was 38 years old – I just gave up. I decided I was unlovable and that I was spending too much time worrying about men and relationship drama. So, I stopped. I had developed a belief, one that was very powerful, that went something like this: God put me on this earth for a reason, and for that reason, it must be important that I am single. This gave me all the time and energy I needed to focus on what I was really supposed to be creating. God meant for me to be single. I decided to embrace that and just go figure out what I was truly meant to do on this earth.

I remember the first day that idea came to me. It was clear as a bell. I thought of all the other people in the world who made huge impacts, even though they were single – or maybe BECAUSE they were single. This belief didn’t feel like it was limiting. It was quite the opposite, at the time, after 20 years of drama and heartbreak -- it felt like peace. It felt like freedom.

From that point forward and for the next 5 years – I just went on adventures. I had fun friends who did extreme sports and I tried out some of that. I also focused on my career, it was during this period that I retired from the Navy and started my post-Navy career. I did things that my 30-year-old self would have never believed. I started to believe I was braver and bolder than I knew I could be before and I started to KNOW that I could learn anything and become an expert at things that I had never had the chance to try before. In that way this was an amazing time. I am so thankful for the adventures and the new things I experienced. It was so much fun, I probably met 1,000 people, and found out that other people in my everyday life who used to think I was a “sweet mom” actually started to think I was kind of a bad-ass. To me – I was still who I am – Tami.

Well… wouldn’t you know it: One of my really awesome Navy friends followed me on social media and kind of knew about all the adventures I was going on and about the interesting sporting competitions I was entering. He came to see me for a work-related reason and there I was with my hair in my “Navy bun” looking prim and proper. I was briefing someone who was heading out to a ship. He watched me for a while and I found out later that was the moment he fell. I was so busy NOT BEING IN LOVE with anyone, that it took me SOOOO long to notice, years, in fact. Eventually – I did notice and after 5+ years of never even being touched by a man who loved me, one evening – he took my hand outside a coffee shop and everything changed. (Yeah, I know it kind of sounds like a Taylor Swift song.) That was the beginning. I had found my soulmate – and now he is my husband. It turns out, I am loveable! I was wrong to think I wasn’t, I just needed to go live life and figure out who I was and have adventures. Then, when I least expected it – he just walked into my life.

It can be this way for you too.

It can be this way for ANY belief you have about yourself or your life that is not serving you. If you do the work to discover and change the limiting beliefs you have about yourself, you can speed up the path to living your best life. When you believe certain things, your brain focuses on that negative belief and you will find all kinds of evidence in your day-to-day world to prove that the belief you have is true. However, if you do the work to change your thought – you will be amazed that you will find evidence to prove the positive new thought is true, as well.

In many cases, you may have been believing that thought for SO long that it is not easy to change. THAT is exactly what a life coach can help you with.

You do have deep-seated beliefs that feel like they’ve always been there. You don’t even question them, because to you, they are “just the way things are”. You accepted the reality long ago. In your brain they are a stone-cold fact.

Well, let’s examine that for a moment…. What is a fact? The definition of “fact” in the dictionary says, “A fact is a statement that can be verified. It can be proven to be true or false through objective evidence.” My Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo, describes a fact as “something that everyone, like a jury, would agree is true.”

If we use that as the lens for examining your beliefs, how many of the beliefs that you have held for most of your life are actually facts? Let’s go back to a few examples from the beginning of the podcast:

I can’t lose weight.

I am bad at time management.

I am always going to wear this size of jeans.

If a fact is a statement that can be verified, that can be proven to be true or false through objective evidence… Is the statement, “I can’t lose weight” a cold hard fact? Or is it just a long-held belief that you have had? If you think, “I’m bad a time management” or you think, “Well, I’m always late!” I have tried and I cannot change. Is that true? Is that a cold hard fact? If I asked 10 people if it is possible for you to lose weight or if it is possible that you could be on time and even master time management, it is very likely that most or even all ten would agree that you could change. If that is the case, then the only thing standing between you and your goal – whether it is a health goal, a time management goal, a career goal, or whatever your heart desires – is the limiting beliefs that you have decided to hold on to.

Notice I say that you have decided to hold on to your beliefs, because if you believed something different, deep in your soul, you would have already made the change.

Take sometime today and think about what you want to change in your life and then think about what you truly believe about your ability to create that outcome for yourself. A good way to do this is to spend some time journaling or just get a piece of paper and fill it up with all the thoughts you have about what you want and your thoughts about if you are capable of achieving that goal. There are going to be a few phrases that pop up on that list that are deep-seated beliefs that until I asked you to question them right now, you have just assumed were true. Really look at the thoughts you write down and ask yourself if everyone you know would agree that the phrase you wrote is true. If they wouldn’t, then the next step is asking yourself why you choose to continue to believe it.

Ask yourself: Is it possible to believe something new, something different, something exciting and motivating? Something life-changing?

I heard something the other day and maybe it is because I am 50 years old, but I have heard it before…. Yet, this time it really sank in. “Life is not a dress-rehearsal, this is the only one you get. What are you going to do with it?”

I apply, they will think I am out of my league.

I am too shy to be seen as a leader.

I am not good at taking tests.

I’ll always be seen as a failure.

I don’t interview well.

These are more career-focused versions of limiting beliefs that you may have had.

Let my life be an example – there are so many things that my 20 or even 30-year-old self thought would never be possible in a million years, and somehow in the last 10 years, just about every single dream I had for my life back then came true. Love, family, finances, career, a complete lack of drama, deep moments of joy – in ways I never would have dreamed are possible.

Today is the day that you can decide what YOUR truth is and what you are truly capable of – and then step into your future, knowing you absolutely have the ability to create the future you have always wanted.